Two Face
by The Raven and the Fox
Summary: I hate him. I absolutely HATE him. He's a cold bastard who treats me like I'm less than nothing. I have to put up with him nearly 24 hours a day. The only thing keeping me going these days is the anonymous love letters I keep getting… SasuNaru.
1. Teme

**Summary:** I hate him. I absolutely HATE him. He's a cold bastard who treats me like I'm less than nothing. I have to put up with him nearly 24 hours a day. The only thing keeping me going these days is the anonymous love letters I keep getting… SasuNaru.

**Disclaimer:** Naruto and related characters are copyright to Masashi Kishimoto. I am in no way affiliated with said mangaka and this fiction is purely fan-created. Et cetera, et cetera.

**Contains: **shounen-ai and explicit sex scenes. Also other suggestive themes, swearing, and violence.

So… hi! Welcome to Two Face. I'm writing this at the point where this story is complete, so let me point out a few things.

- First and foremost, FF dot net updated their formatting rules while this fanfiction was ongoing, thereby destroying the custom separators I had between my author's notes and the chapter body. In addition they got rid of my separators between scenes, so the fic doesn't read the way I intended. I'm working to fix this. In the meantime, apologies for having my author's notes running into the chapters themselves.

- As I do this, I'm also going through each chapter and tweaking the wording a little. If you find errors of any sort please let me know where and what – I'd rather be able to fix them than have everyone just tell me they exist.

- By virtue of having been written over two and a half years, TF is rather inconsistent in its style and quality. I can't do much to change the flaws in its plot and any loopholes, but I'm making minor changes where I can. To be perfectly honest I really dislike some of the stuff that happens at the beginning. Whether or not you agree with me is up to you.

So, without further ado, enjoy!**  
**

* * *

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun, but I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"There are no other dorms available, and we don't want to inconvenience anyone by making them move out."

"What if I find someone who's willing?"

"That doesn't matter. You can't switch. Besides, as someone who knows you personally, I think it's best if you remain with who you're with right now."

"Why?" I can feel my temper rising. I grit my teeth and try to beat it back. "I don't see anything positive coming out of keeping things like this."

"It'll be good for you to get to know other people," Tsunade no baa-chan says in what seems to be a patient voice – it's hard to tell because I'm angry at her. "Why are you so insistent on moving?"

Because he's a fucking bastard who doesn't know how to mind his own business. But obviously I can't say that to the principal. I try to shift the words in my mind, make them more presentable. Because I hate him? No, better not make it sound too personal. Because… he bothers me. Ugh, no. I'm not a weak tattletale. Thing is, the only reason I want to move is because of _him_ in relation to _me_.

Tsunade no baa-chan takes my silence as a sign that I don't know. Geez, I thought I was easy to read. I mean, look at me. I rocket around all day grinning or laughing or yelling or pouting. Is it hard to know what I'm thinking? Tsunade no baa-chan is probably just taking it as an excuse. She says, "Well, that's settled, then. Unless you have another issue you'd like to take up with me, I'm sure you have homework, or want to catch up with your friends…"

"R…right." I clench my fists, willing myself not to burst out. I turn on my heel, stride to the door, wrench it open, step through it, and slam it shut. Damn. That was probably a bad move. But whatever, a door slam hardly amounts to a shouting match.

The guys are waiting across the hall, on the benches. They don't see me until I'm five feet away. You'd think that with my bright hair I'd be impossible to miss. I can kinda understand Kiba being out of it, because he's in my history class, and our teacher has a knack for making us space out and stay like that even after the class – which can suck, since we sometimes have history last. Shikamaru is excused too, because he's always like that. But I'd at least expect Neji or Gaara or even Sai to be a bit more attentive.

So when they finally notice me, Sai says, "Oh, there you are, Naruto-kun. I didn't notice you'd finished. So how was it?"

I shake my head. "Nothing doing."

"Isn't it too troublesome to be doing all this?" Shikamaru asks in his usual drawl. "It can't be thatbad, can it?"

They all get up and we make our way towards the exit. "You have no idea, Shikamaru," I say darkly. "He _is_ that bad."

"He seems okay," says Gaara. "I've never heard him swear or insult anyone, or anything like that."

"That's just the problem!" I retort. "He only ever puts me down when there's no one around to hear or see him. He gets to keep up his _godly_ reputation and still make me feel like dirt."

"Have you tried talking to him?" suggests Neji. Damn Neji. He's always being smart, logical, sensible. It's aggravating.

"D'you honestly think I'd try talking to someone when experience has taught me that the only thing I'm going to get out of a conversation with him is misery?" I'm not going to admit that the only conversations I've ever had with the bastard were started by him, and only really consisted of insults.

"Well we all know Naruto's not particularly bright—"

"You're one to talk, Kiba," I shoot at him. He grunts and looks away defiantly.

"Seriously, though," he says – avoiding the personal jab no doubt – "Neji's right. Give it a chance."

"Since when have you been one to preach?" I snap. They're supposed to support my side, not his. Some friends.

"I'm not preaching. I'm just sayin', if you can get along with him then at least you won't have to put up with his attitude or whatever after that."

I snort, but I can tell they're not going to give it up. "Fine, I'll _try talking to him_," I say, rolling my eyes at the words. "Don't expect anything good to come out of it, though."

We head outside, where the weather is just how I like it – a blue sky with enough clouds to entertain, a moderate sun warming my skin, and a light breeze to cool me off should it get too hot. Our usual after-school walk takes us along what we call the long path – Gaara mapped out the longest possible route without actually walking over every inch of the grounds. He said he did it one day when he was bored. The path goes along the farthest reaches of the grounds, and Gaara chose some connecting paths to follow just to lengthen the walk and make it a little more interesting.

Konoha High was built in an interesting place. It's right on the edge of the village, and a dead vertical cliff marks one of the school's boundaries. No, actually, forget vertical – it's so steep it goes past vertical and the top of the cliff is farther out than the bottom. But the weirdest thing about KH's placement is that they built it so that the river cuts through the grounds. It's narrow and shallow where we are, and bridges arch over it here and there. The long path takes us over a few of these bridges.

Classes having finished a while ago, a lot of students are already out. It's a nice day, and sitting at a desk for hours can really get to you. We stroll along at a leisurely pace, chatting about our classes, strange events, things we've heard. None of us is really interested in rumours, but we all agreed that there are definite advantages to being informed. Now Sai's telling us what Ino and Sakura were passing notes about in English class.

"And it's odd, because there was absolutely no mention of—" He stops short. I don't miss the fleeting glimpse he catches of me before continuing. "Well, you know."

"Maybe they've _finally_ moved on," Kiba says, sounding exasperated. "God knows he isn't about to hook up within the next twenty years, and he's making it hard for the rest of us to get girls."

"Well, who knows? Maybe he's gay." The others laugh at Sai's remark. Sai's never really been into girls. Not surprising, considering what he wears most of the time.

"You gonna take a shot at him?" Kiba asks, grinning.

Shikamaru glances over, and I stare right back, trying to make it as evident as possible that I'm not amused. He sighs, then coughs and says, "I think for Naruto's sake that's not the best of ideas. Anyone up for a milkshake?"

I'm not entirely sure why, but there's a food stand in our school grounds. It moves around a lot, so you never really know where it's going to be, but Teuchi's Treats is still an awesome place. And they sell ramen. I mean, come on! Mobile ramen? Have you ever heard of anything cooler?

Anyway, there's TT (as we call it for short) right ahead of us, so we go over and get ourselves some after-school snacks. Okay, so ramen isn't really a snack food, but I'm of the belief that anything can be eaten at any time if you like it. We grab our grub and continue.

I've gotta say, this day has been pretty good. I woke up alone in the dorm this morning, aced the English test, and managed to pin the blame for talking on someone else in history. The weather's great, TT was right in our path, and everything is going just—

A foot flies up out of nowhere right in front of my ankles. I lose my balance, as well as my grip on the Styrofoam bowl of ramen, and pitch forward. Luckily we're on a dirt path, or I would have gotten pretty beat up. As it is, I can't avoid scrapes and bruises.

"Oh, sorry."

That voice… My temper shooting up like a geyser – or, no, let's say a volcano – I sit up and turn to face the culprit. Uchiha Sasuke glances down at me, unfaltering, unforgiving. Sorry? Sorry my ass. He wouldn't be sorry if he killed me. I scramble to my feet, glaring right back at him. We do this a lot – our staring contests are nothing short of common. His eyes are always the same: dark, cold, with a strange look I can't quite decipher, probably because it seems like the kind of emotion that requires heated passion, and that's just not a part of his system. He could be frozen in ice and it wouldn't change a thing.

"What the hell was that for?" I snap.

"My bad, I didn't see you there."

"Teme! What do you do, walk around with your eyes shut? There's no way you could have missed me! I wear orange, for god's sake!" What is it with people not noticing me? Honestly, it pisses me off…

He looks at my clothing as though I'm nothing special, just another brick in the wall. "That's not exactly something to be proud of, dobe."

I grab him by the front of his shirt, the shouts of my friends telling me to stop ringing senselessly in my ears. Even as I pull him in and lift him off his feet with a single hand, he looks down at me, totally unfazed. Could have been a pleasant chat across the table…

"Do you find enjoyment in ruining every moment of my life?" Even he can't mistake the venom in my deadly quiet voice. "Is your life goal to put me in as much misery as you can?"

"Hn." He bows his head down and the shadow of his bangs falls over his eyes. Kiba grabs my shoulder and Shikamaru pries my fingers open. I let them, and Sasuke dusts off his shirt carelessly. He continues on his path, and as he passes me he says, so quietly no one else can hear: "Don't think you can even begin to understand my motives, dobe." I turn angrily and watch his retreating back, wishing I could throw daggers with my eyes.

"Come on, Naruto." Kiba's trying to turn me around so we can keep going. I let out a long breath, then stalk off, continuing on the long path.

Everyone is silent for the rest of the walk. I know it's my fault; I don't miss the glances they're all shooting at each other, and at me. But hell if I care. My day was going so well and I was so glad not to have to deal with a certain bastard until, at the very least, much later tonight. But he just _had_ to be there, didn't he? I let out a roar and kick a huge rock. All I get for my trouble is a rock ten feet away and a throbbing set of toes. I stick my fingers in my hair and squeeze my eyes shut tight.

"I'm… gonna go to supper." I leave before they can say a word, cutting across the grass straight towards the school. The silence was getting awkward, and I hate making others feel bad just 'cause I'm in a bad mood. Let them finish walking in peace.

Halfway to the food court I decide I don't feel hungry. I consider a moment, then head for the dorm. With any luck it'll be empty.

I was never a lucky kind of person anyway.

The door is slightly open when I get to it, and upon seeing this I have half a mind to just leave again. There's a ton of places I could go to pass the time. But now that I've thought of this, I know I won't be able to forget about it, and I'll be all anxious until I get back. So I go inside.

"Back already, usuratonkachi?"

He's sitting at his desk reading a book as though he's been there for hours. But it hasn't been that long since the incident in the grounds, so he can't have been here more than a few minutes. I firmly ignore him, striding over to my desk, dumping my school bag, and grabbing the little key in one of the drawers.

"Taking your fan mail for a walk again?" he asks as I go back to the door, where little mailboxes are fastened (the slots are on the outside of the door). "Going to some secluded place to read it, I suppose, so you can secretly kiss it or—"

I slam the door, envelope in hand, and leave as fast as I can. What the hell? I swear that's the saddest diss I've ever heard. Not that it pisses me off any less. Sasuke gets loads of fan mail all the time – girls asking him out, girls telling him how hot he is, girls writing poems about their love – and he never reads any of it. It goes straight into the shredder. I, on the other hand, have a single secret admirer. I've kept every letter she sends me. Which adds up to a lot, because I get one every day. It started pretty recently – a few weeks, maybe a month ago – and she hasn't missed a day yet.

Sasuke would never understand. He's the all-famous ice prince, and why should he care who likes who? But for someone like me… I haven't really had people care about me until I came to this school. Iruka-sensei was the first to acknowledge me, and since then I've made some good friends. But most people still glare at me, and I can see the hate and fear in their eyes.

But let's not think about that. There is one girl who doesn't hate me. And no way am I gonna read the words from her heart in the same room as a prick whose heart was carved from a glacier in the Arctic.

There's a tree I like in the grounds. It's pretty far back, and out where most don't bother walking. It's not a particularly amazing tree, or I'm sure there would be more people. But it's just the right shape and size for me to climb and sit in. I get there, and clamber up to my favourite branch. And with my back against the trunk, I open the envelope and take out the letter. The paper is always folded exactly in three, and has a small sticker of a sun on the back. I unfold it carefully. The handwriting is smallish, neat, and flowy, the ends of letters flourishing just so and the capitals always more special than the small letters. After taking a few moments just to look at the beautiful cursive, I start to read.

_Dear Naruto,_

_How are you? Well, you can't really answer that, so I'll just say I hope you're well. I run out of things to say in a one-sided conversation, so I hope you'll forgive me for talking about myself a little._

_My life is pretty good. School is no problem. The teachers all like me and my grades are fine. I've been getting a lot of letters. I always wish one of them was yours, but then I remind myself you don't know who I am. I wish I could tell you, but… for my own reasons, I just can't._

_I wondered the other day if you might be tired of my letters, because I send them every single day. But then I saw you reading one (I saw the sticker on the back) so I felt much better. I'm very glad you read these. It makes me happy to know you care. Even I sometimes don't read the letters I get… But you read them, so I feel appreciated._

_I really love you, Naruto. I can't describe the feeling in my heart to know you read these… I see you sometimes around the school or the grounds, and you always seem really happy. That makes me happy too._

_But I've also seen you suffer. I've seen the looks people give you, heard the things they say. They say you're a monster. I know the story, and I don't want to believe it… but it's true, isn't it? When you suffer, I suffer. It hurts me to see you like that, Naruto. But I don't think you're a monster. It's not like you actually are the nine-tailed fox. You're keeping it safe, keeping us safe. And for that I think you should be a hero._

_Also, I'm sorry. I know it doesn't really make sense to you right now, and I can't tell you why, but I really am sorry… Perhaps one day I can make it up to you. I'll love you forever, whether you know it or not._

_I'll love you forever._

I stare a while at the last line. How long I've lived without words like that… How much I always wanted someone to say them to me when I was younger. But I had no one. And now that someone's said them to me, I desperately want to meet them, to hear these words out loud. To know the person who loves me, so I could love them back. I've realized – and it wasn't until I started getting these letters that I did so – that it isn't enough just to be loved. I'm not the kind of person who can just sit and take affection from others. I have to give it back. But I can't, not to an anonymous writer. I close my eyes, press the letter to my chest, and silently thank whoever loves me.


	2. Movie Night

Chapter two! In which Sasuke continues to be a bastard, Naruto cracks, Sai is a fag, and Gaara is both girly and sadistic. Fun times ahead.

* * *

"…to… Hey, Naruto!"

…I must've dozed off. Opening my eyes, I see Kiba and the others a few feet away, waving up at me.

"What are you doing up there?" Shikamaru calls. "Didn't you say you were going to dinner?"

I stretch before sticking the envelope in the inside pocket of my shirt and climbing down. "I got distracted, I guess." I glance at my watch. "How fast were you guys walking? The long path takes longer than that."

"You know it's just not the same without you, Naruto," says Gaara.

I look around at them all and I can tell they agree with him. My heart swells. "Thanks. Uh, yeah… sorry about before."

"No hard feelings," says Kiba, holding up his fist; I follow suit, grinning, and we knock knuckles. "It's movie night, huh? What do you say we hit Koiryu first?"

"Alright. I heard that ninja one was playing…"

We students at Konoha High are allowed out after classes so long as we get back for midnight, and weekends (Friday afternoon to Sunday midnight) are totally free. Most of the time we just go to the food court or the cafeteria to eat, but every now and then we head out. There's a mall not far from here, with a movie theatre and some restaurants around it. Koiryu is our usual dinner stop – it's got all sorts of awesome food (including ramen, of course). We prefer sitting at the sushi bar, so we chat with the chef a lot. Today we pool our money together to get the Sushi Stack Special. We all like different types, so it fits really well with us, and we don't mind fighting over the ones everyone likes. In all the commotion I manage to leave behind the events of earlier today.

Then we head for the movie theatre, where everyone's lining up for Ninja Wars, a new movie about what would happen if the five biggest cities in Japan became ninja villages. We're early because of the timing of our supper, so we get good spots. No way are we gonna sit there for half an hour doing nothing, though, so we take it in turns to go out and save our seats.

While Shikamaru, Kiba, and I are waiting in the snack line I notice a head of black hair spiking up at the back like a duck's butt. With the only word running through my head being "shit", I quickly tell the others I'll be in the bathroom and dart away to where they can't see me, then out the doors. I slip around a wall and lean against it so I can gather my thoughts.

Huh. Anyone know why I ran away? God, my brain can be weird sometimes. I'm no scaredy cat. Of course I want to avoid as much contact with Sasuke as possible, but it doesn't mean I have to flee every time I see him like a mouse from an eagle…

"You're gonna be late for your movie, dobe."

_Fuck._

I spin around. There he is in all his icy glory, staring at me like I'm a giant slug who's just slimed all over his walls. (I bet his house is spotless, too.) See, this is the problem – when others are around he just acts like he doesn't care about me, but when it's just the two of us I can practically taste the hate. On second thought, maybe that's my hatred for him. But who cares? It comes to the same thing, really.

"Teme, what's a loner like you doing at a movie theatre?" I retort. "It's not like you would even go out with any of the girls who asked you."

"But they do ask, contrary to the situation of a certain blonde idiot, hm? Why is that? Does your inner demon radiate an aura so foul that no one can stand—"

I interrupt his sentence with a fist to his face. He staggers back, a hand rising to his rapidly bruising cheek in an instinctive reaction. It's a satisfying scene, but it's nowhere near enough to make up for what he just did.

"Fucking bastard! Don't even – fucking – _THINK_ about Kyuubi, got it!"

"Touched a nerve, did we? Careful, the fox just might break out of its cage if you keep this up."

I raise my foot with the full intention of kicking him as hard as I can in the stomach, but he deflects it and slams me against the wall, my head jerking back and hitting the bricks with a thud I can hear in my skull. He pins me there with his body, holding my hands above my head with one of his cold ones, the other pushing my chest back.

Sasuke leans closer, and I shudder involuntarily as he invades my personal bubble. He moves his head next to mine, and whispers in my ear: "Watch it, asshole." He grabs the front of my shirt and heaves me with surprising strength (I mean, look at him – he could be anorexic) to the ground, then walks away as though he's late for something but still has to look good while getting there.

I lift up my elbow to see that a good deal of skin was scraped off my arm when I put it out to soften my fall. It stings like a bitch; there's dirt and shit in there no doubt, and I can even see some gravel. Grimacing, I get up, dust myself off, and head back in.

I wash off my wound in the bathroom, wincing at the pain, then hurry back to the movie, which is just starting.

"What took you so long – holy shit, Naruto, what happened to your arm?" Shikamaru asks as I pass him.

"I had a bad fall," I say quietly. "Someone got a band-aid?"

Neji is always prepared, and he passes down some alcohol swabs and a small bottle of liquid band-aid. Trying to ignore the pain, I settle down and watch the movie.

—

"That was amazing!" Kiba yells enthusiastically.

I nod. "Best movie I've seen in ages. Takumi was awesome, huh? 'I'm not going to go back on my words.' I think I'm gonna have to steal his way of the ninja!"

"But you're not a ninja, Naruto," Neji says, laughing.

"Who cares? It's a good motto!"

"Kazu was the coolest, though. Who could kill their whole clan in one night all alone? And then he left Kichirou alive to become such a messed up kid…"

"How is that any sort of cool? I think it's mad. Kazu was mad. I'm watching you, Gaara… and I'm warning your parents about you!"

We all laugh at Kiba's comment and Gaara's reaction.

"Hey, what about that part where Aki cuts her hair to escape from the enemy? I mean, she'd been growing it to rival Yuuka for ages. And who just cuts their hair anyway?"

"Sai, when you're faced with a dangerous situation, I don't think how you look is on top of your priority list."

"On a semi-related note…" Neji turns to me. "What happened? Your arm looks like you took a piece of concrete to it."

"Like I told Shikamaru, I fell hard. In the bathroom – there was water on the floor and I slipped—"

"The floor can't rip you up like that," says Sai. "You've got gravel in your hair too, look…"

He makes to brush it off, but I deflect his hand and ruffle up the back of my hair, dislodging the stuff. "I can take care of myself, Sai."

"Then how'd you get into this mess? Don't lie to us, Naruto." Gaara sounds almost hurt. He stops and stares at me. I stare back, then sigh.

"I saw Sasuke in the lobby so I ran outside but I guess he saw me and followed me out and he insulted me so I punched him so he pushed me to the ground."

I know Gaara's mind is nagging him about grammar and the run-on sentence I just spurted, but honestly, it just came like that. And that's not the point right now. I'm trying to figure out what they're gonna say next.

Kiba finally breaks the silence. "Why's a guy like Sasuke at the theatre? He wasn't with someone, was he? It'd be the end of the world as we know it."

"No, I'm pretty sure he was alone. I don't know why either. Y'think he was stalking me or something?" I start walking again, letting the others catch up or miss the conversation.

"Don't be ridiculous," says Shikamaru. "Even if he hates you like you say he does, he wouldn't go that far just to make your life miserable."

"Yeah, he doesn't need to," says Neji, "since he's in the same dorm room as you."

"Thanks for the newsflash," I mutter.

"How did he insult you, anyway?" Sai asks. "You can't be provoked that easily."

Yup, these are my real friends. Constantly listing off quirks about me as though they were about themselves. Well, what can I say? I'm glad to have people who are so close to me. This thought lightens my mood for a tiny moment, but it's quickly smothered by the answer to Sai's question.

"He mentioned Kyuubi."

And there it is again. They all know Kyuubi's a touchy subject with me.

"What… what did he say?" Gaara sounds nervous, afraid to breach the subject. I can't blame him. I would be too, were it the other way around. But I told them this much; may as well spill the whole story. So I do – every word of it. And they fall into silence again.

"_Twice?_" Kiba says, dumbfounded. "He said it twice! Fuck, Naruto, I'm gonna pound the bastard until you can't tell what his face is anymore!"

"Don't."

They all stop, but I ignore this and keep walking, so they shake themselves out of their stupor and catch up again.

"Naruto! What's gotten into you?" Shikamaru yells. That's not a good sign. Shikamaru doesn't get worked up. "What do you mean, don't?"

"Just… let it go, alright?" I'm tired of this conversation. It's not worth the trouble.

But even Neji argues. "You can't 'just let it go,' Naruto, not something like this. What are you going to do when you get back to your dorm tonight? How are you going to know how he's going to react?"

"I don't… I just don't know."

"Chouji's on vacation for the week," says Shikamaru, calming down. "Come to my dorm for the night."

"I need my crap from my dorm, though. My backpack and shit…"

"I'll get it," says Kiba. We've all been to each other's dorms enough times to know where everyone's stuff is mostly.

"As long as you don't get into a fight in there," I tell him, tossing him my keys only when he promises me he won't.

It's only when we start talking about dorms that I realize we're at them. We've been to the mall and back so many times that we know the way nearly as well as we know our way around the school. We say our goodnights at the intersection we call the dorm crossing, where the path splits to go to the different dorm buildings. Neji and Gaara are in different buildings than the rest of us. I follow Shikamaru up to his room on the third floor. As soon as the door is open I throw myself face-down on Chouji's bed. Seeing nothing, I let the silence surround me, broken only occasionally as Shikamaru does his stuff. It feels good just to stop everything, to block it all out, letting my senses relax and my mind go blank. I vaguely register the door opening. I really should change into PJs before falling asleep, shouldn't I…?

* * *

Haha, Ninja Wars! I was cracking up writing that part.

It's like a thousand words shorter than chapter one, but I've got a sort of timeline sorted out in my head now and I think it works better this way. Even if it ends the same way the last one did. And of course he'll have to wake up at the beginning of chapter three, the way he did at the beginning of this chapter. Wonder of wonders.

Anyway, hope you liked. I surprised even myself with the speed of this update. Next chapter promises to be a bit slower plot-wise, so it'll probably affect how fast I finish writing it. And of course school starts next week… bleh…

Drop us a review, maybe?

Thanks for reading.

R+F

P.S. Liquid Band-Aid smells bad.


	3. Another Day

School and other projects have slowed my production rate. But never fear, for chapter three is come!

Just another day in Naruto's life (I figured it's about time I showed you what Naruto's "normal" is), with a couple of unexpected changes that confuse him…

A giant thanks to everyone who's put in a review; I think I've replied to you all. Everyone's telling me to keep working, to keep updating, and it really motivates me. It's also fun to see what everyone thinks is happening! There are a lot of things that are probably pretty obvious but can't be said outright, partly because it's Naruto's point of view. It's a sort of dramatic irony, I suppose.

* * *

A familiar ceiling greets me when I wake up. As I dimly pray to whatever gods exist that Sasuke's already left, all the memories of last night rush in. I have to mentally go through the events leading up to my being in Shikamaru's dorm to realize that Sasuke wouldn't be here anyway – the ceiling is only familiar because all the dorm rooms are built exactly the same. Breathing a sigh of relief, I sit up and look around for a clock. There's a digital one at the head of Chouji's bed. It reads 9:00.

I stare at it for a while, the number not really registering in my head. Nine? Nine…

Nine—

"_Shit!_"

Shikamaru jolts awake at my yell. "Oh, it's just you, Naruto… What's up?"

"We're late for math!" I'm throwing stuff out of my bag, trying to remember what I need for the morning.

"Ehh…"

At Shikamaru's careless tone I stop and turn. He's looking at the clock. "S'been 20 minutes already… Let's just skip."

"What? But…"

"Mizuki-sensei isn't too strict, and Sai and Kiba will cover for us. Don't you wanna sort your stuff out properly? You didn't even shower last night. Your dorm will be empty. Come to think of it, you don't have period 2 with Sasuke, do you? You could avoid seeing him for the whole morning. Go shower and get a change of clothes, and we'll be relaxed and early for period 2."

Well…

It's not like I _wanted_ to go to math anyway…

Shikamaru's right – of course my dorm is empty. Sasuke wouldn't skip class. After a long, hot shower, I feel completely refreshed and ready to take on the world again. It's still really early, though – bio is in over an hour – so I decide to go for a walk. On a whim I check my mailbox (it's not like I have any family to send me stuff anyway) and, to my great surprise, there sits an envelope. Taking it out curiously, I immediately recognize the handwriting that addresses the letter to me. It's from my secret admirer. Suddenly feeling happier, I take it out with me.

_Dear Naruto,_

_I thought I'd send this to you early before classes started. If you didn't get it until later, sorry about that. If you did get it early, I hope you'll remember my words all day._

_I saw you at the movie theatre last night. Did you like Ninja Wars? It's not really my type of movie, but I thought it was great. The actors were very good and so was the story. There were so many inspirational lines in it. I especially liked how Takumi and Kichirou were rivals but at the same time best friends. I sort of feel that way about somebody I know. We act like we hate each other, but in truth I really like that person. There were a lot of parts in the movie that I felt I could relate to. What about you? Did you find some things about your life in it?_

_I feel like something big is going to happen soon. I don't think it's the type of soon where it comes in a few minutes, hours, or even days. Perhaps in a couple of weeks. I just feel as though a big event is about to occur. Something that will change my life… Maybe I sound a bit prophetic here, but looking back on my life, every time something's happened to me, I can find a time before it when I had a suspenseful feeling. So I trust my senses on this._

_I wonder if I'll ever be able to let you know who I am. I get the feeling it won't be for a while. I hope you can bear with it for however long it takes. I hope my words will continue to accompany your life until the time comes. I know I will never stop loving you, no matter whether my identity becomes known to you._

_With you in my thoughts always._

Her last line is always something like that – a summary of her affection, the last thing she wants me to remember after reading the letter. I only wish I could be that artful with my words. Well, not like I have anyone to say them to…

I stare at the page, feeling wistful. What if the last two paragraphs are connected? It doesn't seem as though she's thought of that. It would be nice to finally know. I don't know why she holds back, because I figure it's pretty clear by now that we both love each other and the only thing left to do is to get together. But I know this world can be a surprising one, and maybe her circumstances are just too overwhelming for it to happen.

I didn't expect someone like her to watch a movie like Ninja Wars. From the letters I've come to see my anonymous writer as being pretty girly. Her words are always soft and gentle, and her handwriting is the same. She tends to seem sort of uncertain, unsure of herself. It could come from not knowing how I'd react when reading the letter, but it sounds to me like she's like a shy, inconspicuous person. Ninja Wars was full of action, blood, violence, and angsty backstories. She also spoke of rivalry. I guess I shouldn't judge too much, but it's hard. All the letters point to the same conclusion. But she said she and her friend act like they hate each other. It's hard for me to imagine her hating anyone, especially if she actually likes them in the end…

This letter has really confused me now. It seems sort of off, not quite like the rest. For a moment I consider that it might not be from the same person, but everything besides the content follows the pattern. Well, most shy people I've known have come out of their shells at some point. Hell, some are almost as loud as me now. Maybe this is her way of doing the same. Maybe she's the kind of person who's not shy towards people she knows well. This makes me feel better – perhaps she feels like she can be a little more open towards me now. I fold the paper and put it back in its envelope, feeling eager for the next day, the next letter.

I spend the rest of my free time making my way back to my dorm, stopping to grab some ramen from Teuchi's Treats for breakfast. This time no one interrupts my bowl, and the day is just getting better. (I quickly push aside that thought – last time it entered my head everything came crashing back down.) The campus bell rings to signal the end of first period just as I reach my dorm, and I grab my stuff to head for bio.

Since the campus is fairly big, we get fifteen minutes to reach our classes. I make it in good time, and spot a head of pink hair facing away from me in front of the door. I quietly sneak up behind her. When I'm right behind her I simultaneously grab her shoulders, shove her forward, and yell, "SAKURA!"

She screams and her fist comes flying up, but I'm kinda used to this by now and manage to put my arm where my face was, avoiding getting my nose smashed in. My arm hurts like hell, though. (One of these days I'll develop the reflexes to avoid her attacks completely.)

"Naruto!" she says, surprised, after she (finally) figures out who it is. "God, how many times do I have to tell you not to do that?"

"As many times as I do it, Sakura-chan." I grin at her, and she smiles back, even though I know her heart must still be beating wildly after the scare I gave her.

"Where were you during math, anyway?" she asks. "Kiba told Mizuki-sensei you were sick, but you look fine to me."

"Ah, well… I slept in by accident and Shikamaru convinced me to just skip. He did too."

"And what was Shikamaru doing?"

"Same thing. I crashed at his dorm last night."

"Why – Naruto, what happened to your arm?" She grabs my wrist and stares at the healing scrape, then pulls some stuff out of her bag and starts doing god knows what. There are swabs and bandages and all sorts of things. But I know I can trust Sakura-chan with wounds, so I let her treat me.

"Sasuke happened."

"What?"

I explain last night's events.

"No way. Sasuke-kun wouldn't do something like that."

"You trying to tell me I don't know Sasuke when I see him?" I retort. She says nothing, because she knows how much I hate him; I've already told her – just as I told the guys – how he acts differently when we're alone than when there are people around. "I don't care how hot he is." I slightly regret not saying _how hot you think he is_. "You can't possibly back him up on this. You know what the Kyuubi means to me."

"But…" She can't find words. I stare at her pointedly. "Well, Naruto… I… Yes, I do know, but not everyone does. You shouldn't have—"

"Don't sympathize with him," I snap. "You know you would have punched the person to death if you were the Jinchuuriki."

Our teacher has just opened the door to the classroom, and I head inside, ignoring Sakura-chan's eyes still trained on me. Sasuke is always a touchy subject with us since our relationships with him are so different. He's been my roommate since our first year at Konoha High (it's how I met him), and he's never treated me any different than he does now. On the contrary, he and Sakura-chan met when they were younger. She told me she had a crush on him from the moment she saw him, but that it turned into actual love despite their not really knowing each other for that long and losing contact after that short period. I met Sakura-chan a bit before high school. She was ecstatic when she saw Sasuke at Konoha High, but he hasn't acknowledged her in any way since our first year here. Note that this doesn't help my attitude towards him in the slightest: I used to have a crush on her, so I was secretly glad that Sasuke didn't pay her any attention, but I've grown out of that and now Sakura-chan is like a sister to me – she's one of my most precious people. I have nothing against her falling in love so quickly, but it baffles me how she can still love him after he forgot about her and ignored her.

I say nothing to Sakura-chan all class, even though we sit next to each other and are usually talking all the time. I know, it's a damn girly way to get across that I'm not happy she's not taking my side, but hey – if that's the way she does it, then she must obviously understand.

And it works, too. When the bell rings for lunch, she catches me just outside the classroom door.

"Naruto, I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you; it's just… you know."

I look at her face; her expression is worried that she's angered me, and apologetic.

"I know. It's okay." I smile at her, assuring her that she's forgiven, and she smiles back. "Wanna come to the food court with me?"

"As long as Sai's not there," she says. "I can't stand that kid."

I laugh. "I know what you mean. But he's trying. I'm sure he can't help it that he's an awkward turtle."

We discuss various people's quirks all the way to the food court, occasionally accusing each other of bad habits and strange actions. I feel good again; it's been a while since I hung out with Sakura-chan. We each get our meals, then find an empty table and sit down to eat.

"Naruto."

We both turn. Sasuke is standing there. I narrow my eyes at him and grunt, "What?"

"You weren't in our dorm last night, and you missed math too. Where were you?"

I cross my arms. "It's none of your business where I am."

He looks at me a while longer, and I swear he's trying to hold back some expression that wants to creep onto his face. He stays neutral, though, as icy as ever, and finally says, "Just wondering." He walks away, and I watch him, questions springing into my mind.

"And you say you two fought last night?" says Sakura-chan.

I'm still staring the way Sasuke went, even though the crowd has long since blocked him from my view. I sigh and turn back to my meal. "I have no clue what that was about."

"It sounded more like he was looking out for you," she continues doubtfully.

I say nothing. Truth be told, it sounded like that to me too. I suppose he could just be continuing his act, pretending he doesn't hate me when there are others around. But since when has he gone out of his way to talk to me in public?

Sasuke is in my gym class next period too, but he says nothing to me. He's always at the front of the line when we run laps to warm up, and although I'm usually up there with him (I can't stand being one-upped by that bastard), today I avoid him, watching from a little farther back, wondering. Sasuke usually refuses to make contact with me during school, and I make a mutual effort. So what the hell is going on now?

I siphon off my feelings from the past day or so in a game of soccer. Kiba and I are the most intense players in the class, and Sasuke always has to be the best at everything, so we're never all on the same team. Today Kiba's the one singled out. I volunteer to be goalie first – anything to get away from the ice prince for a few minutes if we have to be in the same room. But he decides to play defence, sticking close to the goal – to me. With no one to challenge him, Kiba finds little interest in the game, so it's a while before the ball gets up to our end of the field, at which point he becomes more involved. Sasuke fends off most of his attempts to score, and I take care of the rest, wishing he'd back off so I could have a bit more fun. Soon enough, goalies switch.

When I get on the field, I immerse myself with Kiba, blocking Sasuke out, and we're shouted at more than once by Asuma-sensei to stop hogging the ball and play with the team. Eventually I get put on the bench for a round. It's always like this; Kiba and I have earned poor marks every year for teamwork on our report cards. We don't care.

I watch the ball during my time on the bench. It's Sasuke's feet that are most often next to it; he passes a lot but gets it back just as many times. He plays hard, pulling some notable moves – swiping the ball from under others' feet, dodging multiple oncoming opponents, making to go one way with the ball but then at the last second kicking it away to someone else in the other direction. He earns the first point of the game, but it's not long before Sai on the other team evens out the score. It feels like ages before I'm let back in. Asuma-sensei calls Kiba off, and I sigh inwardly – it's not nearly as fun this way. But I'm determined to win, as always, so I count my blessings and keep it going.

Sasuke and Shino move in for the kick-off after Sai's goal, and Sasuke takes the ball, surging forward. I dash in, confronting the opponents, but the ball shoots past me. I turn to see Sasuke running with the ball in front of him, and out of instinct of the game I shout his name. A part of my mind regrets it an instant later, but he hears me and passes the ball to me. I falter, half confused as to why he actually passed me the ball, and Sai snatches it away. Snapping back to my senses, I chase after him. A couple of people on my team manage to steal it back, and it's not long before Sasuke takes possession of it again, streaking up the field. I race past him towards the end of the field. Again following the flow of the game, I call to him once more, and once more I receive the ball. I keep my wits about me this time, though, and one kick sends it flying past the goalie.

My team erupts into a cheer; I grin, panting, and return to my side of the field. The game continues. Kiba and I try to restrain ourselves a little and Asuma-sensei stops scolding us. When Sasuke rotates out to the bench, I swear I can feel his eyes on me the entire time, but when I look back he appears to be watching the ball. It unnerves me, and Kiba breaks past me to score twice.

"What's up?" he asks after the second goal. "You spacing out?"

I make sure my back is turned to the bench. "I think Sasuke is watching me," I tell him in a low voice. "His stare is creeping me out. But every time I turn around he looks away."

Kiba inconspicuously leaves as I keep my back turned, and a bit after the game resumes he comes back. "You're right," he mutters back. "He isn't taking his eyes off you except for when you seem to be facing him. Anything odd happen lately?"

"He came up to me at lunch and asked me where I'd been last night. He's never really willingly talked to me in public before. I told him it wasn't his business and he left."

"Just more weirdness, huh? I'll keep an eye on him for ya."

Kiba reports to me that nothing changes. It's actually relieving when Sasuke returns to the field; at least now his attention isn't focused completely on me. Through the rest of the game he passes the ball to me a lot – probably more than I know because I don't always see who I'm getting it from – and I score a few more goals, winning our team the game and one less lap around the field for warm-up next class. There are cheers and high fives all around before we all retreat to the change rooms.

As Asuma-sensei says, boys will be boys, and we always stink like a herd of elephants on a hot day after gym, so we get a fair amount of time before the bell rings to shower and get changed. I take advantage of this, spending as long as I can under the driving hot water, ignoring the others outside telling me to hurry the hell up (although I keep my senses alert for Sai, because he has no qualms about pulling someone out of the shower – I swear acts like a creeper on purpose). Eventually the voices stop, and I assume everyone else has had their turn. I linger for a minute more, enjoying the silence.

Expecting to be alone, I don't bother wrapping a towel around myself before getting out. I go over to the mirror to dry myself off. It's then that I notice, leaning against the opposite wall in the doorway between the lockers and the showers, a tall, lean figure with pale skin and raven black hair.

"Gah!" I can't stop the yell that wrenches itself out of my throat, nor the heat rushing into my cheeks, as I spin around wildly, instinctively and frantically draping my towel over my front. "Why the fuck are you still here!"

"I was waiting for you," says Sasuke as casually as though I'd just stayed back to ask the teacher a question.

"That doesn't answer my question!" Well, it does, but not to the extent I want, and he knows it. But he says nothing, so I repeat, "Why are you still here? Why are you… _watching_ me! What kind of a sick mind have you got? I'm not even wearing anything!"

"That was your own choice. People usually change within their stalls in public shower areas."

"I didn't expect anyone to be here," I snap. "It went quiet. I figured everyone else was gone already, as they should be—" I emphasize my words with a particularly nasty glare "—so go the fuck away, teme."

I pull my towel tighter around me, as though that'll stop his eyes being glued to me. "Why were you staring at me all class, anyway? And you passed the ball to me more than everyone else combined. What, are you stalking me now?"

"You seem to be more observant than usual, dobe."

"The hell I'm more observant! I can fucking _feel_ it when someone's looking at me." A lifetime of being looked at with eyes full of hatred has done this to me. It's kind of ironic, too, seeing as how the Kyuubi's the one heightening my senses. But of course I don't tell him any of this, especially not after he insulted my existence as a Jinchuuriki. "What are you pulling?"

"Nothing. We're going to be late for class if you don't hurry up."

"Then go if you're so fucking worried about being late. Don't let me hold you up," I add sarcastically.

"I'll wait for you. Go on."

I stare at him, hoping I can somehow make him feel awkward enough to go away. But he just gazes back at me, his icy black eyes unfaltering, and in the end I just can't fucking take it anymore. I grab my clothes off the counter in front of the mirror where I'd put them and retreat back into my shower stall to change, grumbling curses in my mind so loudly I wouldn't have been surprised if he could hear me. I take as long as possible changing, just to make him wait longer since he's so intent on sticking around. What the hell is going on? We're alone and he's not insulting me. That in itself is so mind-blowing I can't decide whether to be relieved or suspicious.

Although I'm done putting my clothes on, I stand there for a while, shuffling around to sound like I'm still doing something. But it seems he's more patient than I am, because I start feeling weird hanging around like this. Well, I haven't met many people who have a shorter patience than I do, so that's no surprise. I mentally sigh and get out, almost entertaining the possibility that he'll have finally left now, but not quite optimistic enough to hope for it – and sure enough, he's still standing in the exact same position he was in when I last saw him. I figure it's a waste of breath trying to ask him to move, so I push past him, avoiding eye contact, grab my stuff, and head for the door. Sasuke, being close to it, pulls it open and steps aside. I stop and stare at him, dumbfounded.

"I'm not a fucking girl." I go through, and I suppose he's already forgotten what I've told him about my being able to feel people's stares, because I can definitely feel a smirk accompanying the eyes on the back of my head. I falter, and he bumps into me.

"Watch it," I snap, stalking off. Of course he follows me, even seeing fit to walk next to me, but I like to think I've created some empathic distance between us, amplified by the brisk pace I've taken up. It's good to know he's not socially clueless, since he keeps to the silence. This allows me to reflect upon the reason I stopped in the first place.

A smirk? From the ice prince? Everything is just getting weirder. Emotions altogether are rare from Sasuke, although I suppose I see more of them than most people do because obviously hatred is an emotion, and it's what I see when we're alone. Or, at least, that's how it used to be, back when things were normal. In public he shows no emotion at all; when it's just the two of us all of his words and actions point towards the fact that he hates me. I've never seen his lips so much as twitch upwards before. Maybe some Sasuke-impostor switched with him. But then again, how many people would be able to pull off that stupid duck-butt hair without gel? Does he have a secret twin brother? Itachi certainly couldn't do it…

The second bell rings, but neither of us breaks stride. We have Japanese next class; Iruka-sensei is a pushover (I feel a little guilty saying it) and today's the last Friday of the month anyway, which means it's an off-day – no work, just hanging out. We make it to class a few minutes later; again Sasuke opens the door and motions for me to go first. This time I ignore him, acting as though the door was open to begin with.

"Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun," says Iruka-sensei when we enter.

"Sorry for being late, Iruka-sensei." I grin sheepishly, and (as I hoped) he doesn't ask where we were. I go over to the windows where the rest of my gang is, leaving Sasuke to be mobbed by his fangirls.

I'm glad all my friends are here. Gaara despite being a year younger is in our class, being the grammar freak that he is; Neji has a free period now, and Iruka-sensei is cool with having him here. I put all my energy into ignoring Sasuke's stare. I'm helped out a little by the fangirls, who manage to distract him at least a bit. I guess this shows one of the disadvantages to an all-male gym class, although I would never have thought of something like that before now. Actually, I probably should have, considering that Sai's in it…

"What happened?" asks Neji in a low voice as I take a seat on one of the large window sills. "You were alone with Sasuke and you didn't get in a fight?"

I sigh and recount the whole story. Now that I tell it all again, it's not really that interesting a sequence of events. Sasuke's smirk surprises and intrigues the others, though, just as it did me – probably moreso because I've actually witnessed some of his emotions.

"Naruto…"

"Forget it," I tell them. "We can discuss this later. I'm sick of him and his contradictions. I didn't come here to think. TGIF, right?"

* * *

So this chapter ended up being more interesting than I'd expected, which is good because no one likes reading middle-of-story lows. (You know that part in the middle of the story after the beginning action where everything seems to be slow and nothing goes on? I expected this chapter to be like that.) It's also longer than the other chapters, but there isn't really any point in cutting it any earlier.

I'm not personally that fond of Sakura (she gets in the way of SasuNaru in my opinion), but neither do I like Sakura-bashing. I find her and Naruto's sibling-like relationship nice, but I don't like fangirl Sakura… Well, I dunno. It just came as it did. Can't always control the way your story plays out, y'know?

Things really start rolling next chapter. This unfortunately means that updates will slow down further. I'm just not very fast at writing these types of scenes.

Thanks for reading.

R+F


	4. Dance Dance

It's been a while. Sorry about that. Life is busy stuff, and like I said, this chapter is full of stuff I find hard to write, stuff I write slowly. In addition, I'd written about half of it in Naruto's point of view, and then I got a review from Redfoxmoon asking me if anything was going to be in Sasuke's POV. So… many thanks to Redfoxmoon for the inspiration :D

* * *

After the last class of the day, the majority of students heads towards their respective dorms. Since the buildings are organized by grade and gender, most of our classmates walk on the same path as us even after the first fork in the road. First the girls split off, then boys of a different grade. The group quickly shrinks as we find our own floors and hallways. Soon it's just me, Naruto, and a few others I only recognize because of the proximity of our dorms.

Upon reaching our dorm, Naruto fumbles around in his bag in search of his keys. I already have mine in hand, so I let us in. He says nothing to me, tossing his bag on his bed and crossing the floor to the bathroom.

I drop onto my own bed and stare at the ceiling for a few moments before closing my eyes. I take a deep breath, then let it out slowly, feeling my body relax as the air escapes. It's been a long week, and today was a little more emotionally taxing than the rest of it. I don't know why I felt as though today would be a good day to try interacting with Naruto, especially after yesterday. He must have been confused by my finding him at lunch. I'll admit that messing with him during and after gym class was fun, even if it wasn't all intentional. I'd considered the fact that he could feel eyes on him – it does happen in normal people and I suppose the Kyuubi would enhance his senses.

I feel myself nodding off. The first thing to present itself to me is of the sound of footsteps coloured yellow and orange and blue; the colours streak away from me, and I pull closer, but they draw back as though repelled by an invisible barrier. The thing I'm trying to obtain irritates me, and yet I still want it, need it. The blankness around me fades into a wide hallway, covered in grass, with a path leading to rows of desks where two spaces are empty. I take one, but the other remains untouched; it confuses me, bothers me; why is it like that? It's been like that all night. The room is empty but for me and the furniture – the furniture of two people, but I'm the only one here. And then a scratched mask appears, with golden fur around its rim, and I reach for it and take it from the air, and two summer sky blue gems glitter at me, and the mouth curls into a foxy smile.

I can still see the mask when I wake up. I blink a few times, then reach for my notebook and pen. I write down every detail I can remember, even as the images slip away. It's not until I'm satisfied with the retelling that I write the date. I've slept for over an hour. Now fully awake, I stretch, then sit at my desk and take out my homework.

My stomach begins to feel empty just as I finish. It's Friday night; the whole weekend is ahead of me and I need to let loose. I pack my bag for Monday and proceed to the shower.

The hot water drives into my back, past my hair to my scalp, over my closed eyes and open mouth, relaxing me. I reach for the shampoo, and it's not until I catch a whiff of it in my hand that I realize it's not mine. An image of a certain blonde idiot springs to my mind. Naruto's smell reminds me of a sunny day; there's a hint of it in his shampoo. It seems a waste to wash it all off of my hand, but do I really want to smell like him?

I consider for a moment, then scrub it into my hair. I don't let it sit too long, washing it out and then taking the right bottle this time. I've always had an affinity for cool, slightly minty smells, and I'm hoping my own shampoo (which I leave in for longer) will cover the smell of Naruto's. People would begin to wonder…

I finish up in the bathroom and go to my closet to find some clothes to wear. I think there's something ironic in the fact that I care about what I wear even though I'm sick of the stares of both admiration and loathing from my peers. I make excuses to myself and pick out a black T-shirt with an intricate pattern dancing across the side and one shoulder in various bright blues. It fits snugly; I've come to prefer tighter clothing, unlike Naruto, whose garments are usually loose and baggy. Most people find that sort of clothing comfortable, but my definition of comfortable clothes are ones that hug my figure. To each his own, as they say. For pants I grab my usual black jeans, which I've worn so much they've actually faded naturally; they're close-fitting except for around the ankles. I hear enough about my fitting into the "emo" stereotype without dressing to match. I glance out the window, remembering how much colder it was today than yesterday, and pull a light sweater, also black, from the closet as well.

I grab a few essentials – keys, some money, my iPod – and slip on my usual black sneakers before heading out. By now I'm hungry, and cafeteria food hardly ever appeals to me on the weekend, so I walk to the mall and find an easy meal. There are a few reasons to why I'm as thin as I am. I'm not anorexic – quite the opposite, actually. I just have a high metabolism and a small stomach. I get full fast, and I get hungry fast – I'd have four or five meals a day if I could. Unfortunately we're not allowed to eat in class.

Not feeling in the mood to stick around the mall for long, I head in the direction of the market street, walking quickly in the chill air. Glittering jewellery has its place next to the stalls full of fresh produce. Whenever I pass by here, I swear the colour green has a smell. This reminds me of my dream, of footsteps with colours. It makes no sense. Then again, I remind myself, dreams rarely do. There are all sorts of things in my dreams that I take for fact, but upon waking and reflecting, I realize they are nothing but a figment of my subconscious imagination. Still, they must have some significance…

A faint, regular thumping noise catches my ears. I look up to find the Stoneheads right ahead of me. The Stoneheads is a night club, quite popular among students of Konoha High. Despite the fact that no student could be old enough to drink, a fair number can be found at the bar. The club doesn't really mind, possibly partly because the student body comprises a fair amount of their profits. I (either distinctly or vaguely) recognize faces everywhere – at the bar, in the arcade, at the game zone (pool, air hockey, and so on), on the dance floor. There must be more groups upstairs where one can rent a room to watch TV and sing karaoke.

There's an unvoiced rule that no one can speak of the Stoneheads at school; the only way it's ever mentioned is with the term "Friday Night," which only has special meaning when applied to the club. Friday is the usual night for students to be at Stoneheads, but they will refer to other nights as Friday Night too. The Stoneheads is a world apart. Everything that happens there can only be spoken of within the walls of the club. Events that occur here mean nothing outside. There are no consequences. This is a world of one-night stand situations (although it rarely gets that far). Needless to say, things will happen that can't help but affect outside life, and things will happen outside that can't help but affect a person in here. But that's not the point, and it doesn't matter to all the single girls and boys.

The music envelops me and I immediately feel more relaxed. Here I'm not Uchiha Sasuke. I'm not the most known student in the school; I'm not the person everybody either wants or wants to be. I'm just another stranger washing away the week. I deposit my jacket at the coat check, then stand at the entrance for a moment, my foot tapping to the beat, as I consider where to go first. Eventually I pick the bar.

I consider just how much of tonight I feel like remembering before ordering a margarita. I'm nearly through it when, having turned in my seat to watch the dancing crowd, I notice a head of spiky golden hair weaving through the crowd towards the bar. I catch a glimpse of scars across his cheeks, like whiskers.

I said the Stoneheads is a world apart, but there are inevitably awkward situations – like this one. How should I react? Will he ignore me? I decide to pretend not to notice. I look in another direction, although I can still see him from the corner of my eye, still advancing.

He finally makes it through the mass of people and walks a little clumsily to the bar, stopping at the empty seat next to me. He places his hands casually on the counter top – although I can tell it's partly to keep him standing straight – and orders a sake screwdriver. I snicker. He always did strike me as a traditional kind of person.

I think he hears me, because he glances over and then, almost too quickly, snaps back. I make no sign that I've even seen him. He takes his glass to the wall, drinking slowly. I've finished my second drink and have already downed a shot before he finally finishes his own glass. Only now is the alcohol beginning to get to me; I can feel it running through me and I feel just a little light-headed. I vaguely entertain the notion of asking him to dance, but I know the chance of him saying yes is very low. I'm already surprised enough that he didn't react when he saw me.

I order another shot, a double this time. When I turn back around, I find that he's dancing at the edge of the dance floor, still facing the bar. He's got to be the best dancer I've ever seen. Mouth suddenly dry, I lick my lips. I consider for a moment, then look up at his face.

He's staring at me, his eyes running up and down. They lock onto mine, and I register a deep want behind the glazed inebriation. He smirks, then says something. I can't hear him because of all the noise, but I can read his lips: "Why aren't you dancing?"

I run the question through my head. Why would Naruto be asking me in this way? If he'd wanted to taunt me, he could do it from close up. I watch his eyes, and I suddenly realize that he may not recognize me. How anyone could get that drunk is beyond me, and it's especially strange with the particular relationship we have, but it's a tantalizing thought.

I mouth the words, "I have no one to dance with." He smirks, then beckons me over with a finger. All this time, he's dancing, and my eyes follow his every move. I smirk back, then tip my shot down my throat and slip the glass back onto the counter. When I turn again, he's staring at me in awe. (He probably wishes he had half the tolerance I do.) I stand and walk towards the dance floor, managing to suppress the effects of the alcohol at least for now. Someone once told me I walk like a model. I wasn't sure what to think of that, but I take advantage of it now, paying a little extra attention to how my feet fall, how my body moves. I watch his eyes – they're following me as mine did for him.

As I near, a spark of realization flickers in his eyes. I fear he might have suddenly recognized me, but when I finally reach him he just says, "Damn, you're the hottest guy I've ever seen."

I snort. He thought I was a _girl_? That plus the fact that he still hasn't recognized me, even from this close, means he's definitely had way too much to drink. I'm surprised he's still standing and conscious. He won't remember a thing, that's for sure.

"I don't know whether I should feel insulted or flattered." I pause. "Still wanna dance?" I pass him, being careful to just brush my hip against his.

"No shit," he breathes.

I begin to dance, moving just a little at first, then more as I get into the rhythm of the music. I sway my hips back and forth, walking as I do so, heading further onto the dance floor. He follows, also dancing. I want to turn and watch him, but I can feel his eyes trained on my ass, and I don't think it's quite the right time to change that.

I lead us into an area that isn't too crowded. Now I can finally turn around. He has an acute sense of his own physical being, and he knows how to manipulate it. He moves his hips in just the right way; his arms are never awkwardly hanging, but instead constantly add to the beauty of his movement. His steps aren't too small or too big. He knows just how to throw his balance and move his centre of gravity. He's a natural, even when he's drunk beyond belief.

He dances quite close, eyes always on me, but it's not close enough. I can clearly see the longing in his eyes, but he's holding himself back, in case anything he does should upset the amazing person he's just met who's actually agreed to dance with him. I take the initiative, stepping forward. I continue to follow his movements, maintaining a distance of about a foot the whole time.

"You're a damn good dancer, you know that?" I tell him.

"I've heard. I've also never danced with anyone as skilled as you."

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow in amusement. Little by little I inch closer, still matching his every move. When the end of the song meshes into the beginning of the next, we seamlessly take up the new beat together. It's slower, more sensual.

I brush my hand against his. I can see the effect in his face. Encouraged, I trail my fingers up his bare arm, feeling him shiver under my touch. I then slide my hand down his chest, covered by a loose orange t-shirt, and around his waist – he flinches when I reach it; he must be ticklish – to his back. I let my other hand join the first. His own arms find their way around my neck.

"Feeling touchy?" he says.

"Mm." I move my head next to his and let the sound and feel of my breath wash against his ear, heavy and exaggerated from our intense dancing. Another shudder runs up his spine. His back arches and his hips move forward, but he stops just short of making contact. I hiss in frustration. Very carefully I follow as he pulls back, then press against him for the briefest moment. He inhales sharply just as all the breath leaves my lungs. Heat flares throughout my body, pooling within my abdomen. What amazes and amuses me most, though, is that he's already getting hard.

I finally pull my head back. His eyes are half-closed, his lips tantalizingly parted. I make contact at our hips again, my own pants beginning to feel tight. He notices and grins at me, his eyes alight. I bring my forehead up against his and our noses brush. Every touch sends shockwaves through me; I never realized just how powerful human contact was. It's not like I get much of it, and Naruto is so much more than just any human.

He wraps his arms more securely around my neck, bringing our bodies closer, and pushes his hips against mine. My hand slides down his back, fingers teasing past the waistband of his loose jeans before snaking back up under his shirt. I trace his spine, feeling him arch under my touch. His head tips back; his jaw drops slightly and his eyes flutter shut. I poke my tongue out and flick the underside of his chin. He gasps audibly.

I mutter in his ear, "What base is it if you're practically humping each other but haven't kissed yet?"

"Dunno," he pants back. "Somewhere between first and second."

"You can't get to second without going to first." I smirk.

I lick at his lips, and he quickly grants me entrance. Immediately our tongues are locked in a battle, both fighting for dominance, neither backing down. His taste overwhelms me; not even the heavy alcohol can mask the warm, bright sensations that are Naruto's essence. It reminds me distinctly of his smell, of summer days and clear skies, sunflowers and oranges. I scoff at myself for putting words to it, mostly only because "oranges" is the least strange of everything I'm experiencing right now.

I pull my hand, still under his shirt, around to his front, then reach up and brush a hard nipple.

"Ahh—"

Having distracted him, I gain the upper hand. Grunting in annoyance, he pulls back and descends upon my neck.

"Nngh…" I briefly lose all sense of anything as his hot mouth instantly covers a highly sensitive spot. All I know is that my vocal cords are vibrating and I've never felt anything so good before. I pull his body flush against mine, hissing in delight, then grind into him without restraint.

"Fuuuuuck," he mutters into my neck. He licks at the area, then gently grazes it with his teeth.

"Haah – shit – not too… not too hard… 'kay?"

I feel his lips curl into a grin against me. "No – nnh – hickeys from strangers… eh?"

"S…something like that." I can barely speak straight. I've never been anywhere near this intimate with anyone before. Sure, I've danced pretty close with some people, but nothing can compare to this. On top of it all, this is no stranger – this is Uzumaki Naruto. His relationship to me is like no other. I love him, I want him, I need him; and he hates me.

I put my hands on his shoulders and stop moving. My head is lowered, my breath coming in gasps. He detaches himself from me and, although I can't see it, I'm sure he's looking at me.

"Hey, what's up?" he asks; his voice tells me of concern.

"I…" I don't know what's come over me all of a sudden. I just started thinking about it, and then… "I can't do this."

"Why? You committed?" He puts a hand on my arm. "Come on, it's the Stoneheads. You know the drill, right? A world apart."

"Yes, I know," I assure him. "But I…"

I squeeze my eyes shut, then lift my head and press my forehead against his, staring into his eyes. He looks confused, lost. It only adds to the sudden ache in my chest. "I'm sorry. I had an amazing time, I really did. But… I just can't."

I gently take his hand and remove it from my arm, then turn and, suddenly feeling as if a litre of alcohol was pumped into my system, stumble away.

—

I quickly pull on my jacket as I head into the night, where the temperature is dropping steadily. Bright lights in the darkness, too-loud music thumping through my body, and the taste, feel, and smell of a body so close to mine flood my head with nonsense that has too much meaning. I walk briskly, needing more the constant movement than to get back quickly – I have no taste for sitting or standing on a bus right now.

When I get back to the dorm, I drop my stuff, grab my pyjamas, and head for the shower. It's not until the water soaks me through that I can relax a little. I lean against the cold tiles of the wall and adjust the showerhead so that it sprays over my head and face.

I find myself staring into space. I take the soap and begin to cleanse myself of the sweat and odours of the night club. Slowly I draw my hand up my body, then around my neck to the spot where he kissed me. On the left, towards the back, at my nape. I let my fingers trace my lips, where his were not half an hour ago. Then I trail them downward.

"Fuck," I whisper. As I wrap my hand around my hard member, flashes of tanned skin, golden hair, blue eyes invade my vision. I close my eyes and let them take me. My release is swift; I only manage to keep from screaming out his name because of my fear that he might have returned. Exhausted, I wash off once again and get out.

He hasn't come back yet. I wonder what he's doing now – is he still there? Did he go to someone else's dorm again?

I fall into the bed face-down. Why couldn't I stay? What the hell was I even doing in the first place, dancing with him? It was madness. Full-on spontaneity, the likes of which I've never shown before. I tangle my hands in my hair and roar into the pillow in frustration. Then I roll onto my side, facing the wall, and let the alcohol lull me to sleep.

* * *

No really, if I write another chapter ending in sleep I might kill myself. But wtf, the end of a day is really often the best time to make something end. I fail at written suspense anyway.

Not quite sure how this one turned out as it did. I've always liked dance club fics, so I figured these kids would probably go to one even if they weren't allowed. (The legal age in Japan is 20, so I don't think any student could technically go to a night club.)

And then, suddenly, Sasuke decided to go emo on me. Fellow writers will know that sometimes a character just won't do what you want them to, try as you might to force them. It always ends up flowing better if you just leave them to their own devices anyway.

Next chapter comes back to Naruto's point of view. Sorry for ranting so long in these author's notes. xD Hope you enjoyed it!

R+F


	5. Life Goes On

Ehh, not incredibly thrilled about the chapter name, but I can't think of much else better… I noticed that chapters three and four are both song names, lol. Four was at least semi-intentional.

This is a rather short chapter. I would have liked it to be longer, but I'm not going to sacrifice quality for quantity. I like how things are dividing, and if the words in between are few, then so be it.

Anyway, here you go!

* * *

I wake up to the sensation of fireworks going off in my brain. When I finally gather enough consciousness to move, I press my hand against my face.

"Ugh…"

I try to open my eyes, but it's impossible – the light's too bright. I squeeze my them shut again, then roll onto my side and fall over the edge of the bed.

"Shit."

Untangling myself from the sheets, I heave myself up into a sitting position. I give myself a minute to adjust to the light, but even when I can see, it still stings at my eyes. My head is still pounding like a giant drum with people all jumping on it at once. With my hand on the bed to support me, I stand up. The room immediately tips at some ungodly angle, sending me back into the sheets on the floor.

The second time, I go more slowly. I traipse over to the bathroom and make for the handle only to find it locked.

"Teme, hurry up," I shout.

The door opens. I blink a couple of times at Sasuke. For some reason I feel like a memory should be clicking, but nothing is coming up.

"You look like even more of an idiot than usual, dobe," he says as he passes me.

"Bastard," I mutter at his retreating back. I enter the bathroom, strip to nothing, and step into the shower. I basically stand there facing up with my mouth open for a while, drinking the water.

Having forgotten to grab clothes, I have to wrap myself in a towel and go out again before I can actually get changed. Sasuke's lying on his bed with his head against the wall and his legs hanging over the edge. He looks… un-Sasuke-ish. I dunno why. I've never seen him sit around like that, though. It looks like something I would do.

"How's the hangover?"

I turn my head so fast I can feel my brain move (I think). His eyes are trained on his iPod, his ear buds in.

"I don't get hangovers, teme," I say shortly. It's not entirely a lie. The effects of my hangover are a lot more subdued than those of Kiba's, for example. At least mine don't hurt. "How do you know what I was doing yesterday?"

All he says in reply is "Hn. Dobe." I ignore him. It wasn't a serious question anyway; the symptoms of hangover are no stranger to most of us.

—

The day is mostly uneventful, a typical weekend. Kiba, Shikamaru, Neji, Sai, Gaara, and I head to the arcade and take turns owning each other. I take the cake on DDR, but even an eight-year-old could cream me at air hockey. After a few hours of that we grab lunch and eat along the river. By the time we finish we've come to a huge park, but we have no equipment or anything, so we resort to a good old game of tag. Then, worn out and exhausted, we just flop onto the grass and watch the clouds (idea courtesy of Shikamaru).

Kiba suggests we all crash in his dorm tonight, which is met if not by enthusiasm then at least general agreement. We all make for our respective dorms to grab stuff. Sasuke's not there, which makes me significantly more pleased. I retrieve the single letter from my mailbox, along with my essentials, my iPod, and some video games. We're up until well past two in the morning gaming, eating cold pizza, and throwing popcorn at each other. Gaara's the first to doze off, but most of the rest of us can't rest in peace until we're sure Sai's actually asleep.

With Sunday comes the impending week ahead, and therefore the homework I've neglected. I spend the day at my desk, instant messaging with the others while we all plough through our workloads. We meet up for lunch and supper. Sasuke flits in and out occasionally, but I ignore him, and he says nothing to me. Procrastination is, of course, a lot easier and a lot more fun than work, so it's not until midnight that I finally finish, say goodnight to Kiba and Shikamaru (who are the only others still awake), and read my daily letter before throwing myself into bed.

—

The rest of the week passes well. It's the usual school routine, flying through the curriculum with tests and projects left and right. Every day after classes I check my mailbox. Usually it's there by then; sometimes I have to check back in a little while. It's what makes living through the day worth it. But every letter I get is another letter heaped onto the pile of anonymity. Each one makes me want to meet my secret admirer more and more. Each is more artistic than the last as the writer gains skill, experience, and confidence. If not for the structure, I swear some of them could be poems – and very good ones at that. Literature has never been my strong point, but there are subtleties in the writing that I would consider on par with those of the poets in the anthologies we read.

Fall closes in and the temperature declines. I set up a camera at the window and snap a shot of the tree each day as it changes. Sasuke once asks me what I'm doing. I just tell him, "capturing time." He stands next to me and looks out the window. I ignore him.

I eventually push the events with Sasuke to the back of my mind – although it's impossible to do so entirely, I simply immerse myself in other activities and pretend he's no different than any other person. He mostly doesn't talk to me anymore. When we pass in the halls, I ignore him. A couple of times, when it's impossible to simply ignore, he says hello, and I greet him back. Once in class he passes me a handout and I thank him. Another time he asks to borrow a pen and I give it to him without thinking about it. Later in our dorm he tosses it back to me; I catch it easily. In Japanese class the seating plan changes with the new month; I end up next to Sasuke, but neither of us comments on it. That same period I run out of lined paper; he wordlessly puts a sheet of his on my desk. We don't even exchange the normal "thank you" and "no problem."

It's been two weeks since the gym incident. As I stroll through the school grounds during my "alone time," my daily letter in my hand, my iPod in my pocket, and my headphones around my neck, I realize just how calm these past days have been. You couldn't say my relationship with Sasuke is that of friends, but we're not just classmates or acquaintances either. Where on the scale of closeness between people can you put us if we don't have conversations – hardly speak to each other in fact – rarely _look_ at each other; but we always know what the other needs, will willingly give it without need of a reason, don't recite the near-automatic expression of gratitude which even the closest friends, lovers, and family do? And it only adds to the strangeness – after all, I hated him.

I think he's changed. Sasuke used to taunt me, insult me; he even physically hurt me a couple of times. He never did it in public unless he could make it look like an accident. Otherwise it was when we were alone. But now he acts the same way both in company and out. He also seems more comfortable doing it, more at ease with our relationship, as I feel. The link between us seems passive and relaxed, and it is ever unspoken.

—

It's not uncommon for me to fall asleep while I'm out on my own. I wake up lying in the grass to fragments of dreams – pieces of minty fragrances, long black wings, and smooth onyx spheres whose inner workings are sharp and cunning. Checking my watch, I find that it's been nearly two hours since I entered my time of solitude. It's no big deal; today's Friday, in any case. The sky is getting cloudy in the distance. Rain tends to make me feel miserable, so I'd better get inside.

The door is unlocked. The dorm was empty when I left, so I locked it. I figure the usual silent exchange – if you could even call it that, for it's not so much contact between us as a simple acceptance that we both exist in the same space – will happen. What I don't expect is the hurried shuffling of papers. My curiosity piqued, I instinctively turn.

He's stuffing away a paper that's been folded exactly in three. A little sticker depicting a sun is fixed to it.

My heart stops; my mind races. I drop everything and in two strides I'm at his desk and the paper is in my hand. I see his shocked expression as I flip it open and stare at the first line.

_Dear Naruto_

The fact that he's stopped trying to get the letter back doesn't register in my head. I can see nothing but my own name in his neat handwriting – in the handwriting I've come to recognize and cherish – until it's shaking so hard that my eyes can't focus on it anymore. My whole body is trembling. I lower the paper to look at him.

"What… is this?" It's taking me everything I've got to stay put, to keep my voice quiet.

He just looks at me. Who knows what he's thinking? I'm in no state to find out; it's all blocked out by the anger within me.

Shoving the paper at him, I repeat, "What the hell is this, teme!"

"It's… a letter. For you."

Fuck, I hate how calm he sounds. I can feel my temper rising the by the second. I want to hit him, but I'm so overwhelmed that I've forgotten how.

"Is this… is this some kind of sick prank?"

"No, it's not—"

"Do you _know_ what I've been through?" I yell; the words tear at my throat, but it feels good. "Do you have any idea how much something like this would mean to me? No one's _ever_ loved me, Sasuke! No one! I have no family, and no one's willing to love a monster! _Think_ about it! Just think for one fucking minute! To someone like me, who's never gone a day in his life with love, how much do you think these words mean? I believed every fucking word of this shit! I put all my faith into believing that someone's opinion of me had changed, that I wasn't a worthless freak! Did you think it would be funny to make me think someone actually loved me for once? Did you think it would be funny to break what little heart I have left! Just when I thought you'd changed! Just when I'd thought you'd _maybe_, just _possibly_ stopped – whatever it was – that made you insult me every time you saw me – you—"

The anger is turning into despair, and I can't stop the stinging in my eyes and soon everything blurs and the tears are falling, falling, and I have no words left. I drop to my hands and knees, sobbing desperately; it feels like there's nothing left, nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for, to live for. My only hope, my one light, my beacon. Gone. Not only gone, but fake, for as long as it's existed. I was deceived; I was lied to.

I feel a touch on my shoulder; I knock the arm away before standing abruptly.

"Naruto—"

"Don't talk to me." My voice is quiet, but in the otherwise dead silence it's perfectly clear. "And stop sending me your fucking letters."

He sits there, unmoving, as I walk out the door.

* * *

I'm glad so many people are enjoying my story! I definitely am. It started out as a vague notion that got stored in my ideas folder… Then I started working on it, bit by bit, and here we are now: fifteen thousand words, five chapters, and the climax of the story. This is my third longest story, and I'm determined to finish. (It might become second when I'm through with it!) I hope you'll stay with me up to that point. :)

Just a heads-up: When I submit the next chapter, I'm going to change the story name to "Two Face." (With a space, as opposed to how it is now without one.) Originally I had put a hyphen not knowing that they didn't show up… So yeah, I don't know how that affects notifications or anything, but if anything happens you know this now.

Thank you so much for reading!

R+F


	6. The Cold and Rain

I leave the building as fast as I can. Though it's not too late yet, it's already dark, and I don't register the strangeness of it until a burst of lightning illuminates squares of the wall across the windows, followed almost immediately by a peal of thunder that nearly shakes me off my feet. I usually hate rain, but now I throw myself gladly into the torrent as the sky pours itself out, just as I want to do. It's so cold outside that there are actually little pellets of ice coming down as well as the driving sheets of water. The air is frigid – my breath condensates even as it leaves my mouth. I run into the field, as fast as I can, stumbling once but easily getting up again, savouring the burning sensation that's quick to erupt in my muscles, engulfing my entire body. My breath shortens; my lungs are aflame, air tearing at my throat. I'm breathing so hard that the condensation makes it hard for me to see, let alone the rain and the darkness. I run, for hours it seems; I run and run and don't stop until I'm sated, and then I let myself trip into the long, dense grass.

I'm soaked through by the time my breathing returns to normal. My heart is still pounding, every beat a shock of pain. I curl up as tight as I can, squeezing my eyes shut, hunching my shoulders, pulling my arms and legs close. Huge drops of rain splash off me, running through my hair, down my back, across my face; hail bounces off my skin and clothes, stinging me with each impact. The rain coaxes out the tears still hidden behind my eyes, and I let them fall again, the sky's tears camouflaging my own.

Dimly I become aware of the coldness. Of course, I tell myself, it's hailing and I'm wet and I think the edges of my clothing are starting to freeze; it's fall and it's evening and I've been out here for who knows how long, and of course I'd be cold. Half of me wants to go back inside and be warm and dry, but the other half – stronger – doesn't want to go near the building that person is in. I grab at the zipper on my jacket, trying to get the two parts together so I can zip it up, but my fingers don't seem to want to cooperate. The metal is bitingly cold, even through my numbing digits. So I just try to pull the garment tighter around me.

I should find shelter. I try to stand, but fall over the first time – I'm shivering so hard it's difficult to control my muscles. It's taking so much energy just to get up… It's so cold here; standing would definitely help get me warm, but I'm so tired.

When I do finally manage to get up, I look around, but the rain and ice block out anything I could be seeing. I figure I've always had a decent sense of direction, so I turn to where I think I came from and start forward. I keep stumbling. Stupid… How much of a bastard is he? How many people go out of their way to make another person's life this miserable? It's infuriating. I keep almost falling over; my mind is so occupied with hating him and if I wasn't freezing before, I'm way past that now.

I walk. I keep walking, walking, and it feels like forever. Where am I going again? I know it had something to do with… with… But it was important. I'm so cold. My fingers and toes and ears are stinging painfully. Maybe I should… Maybe… I can put my fingers somewhere warmer. I can't even wave my hands fast enough to shake the water off. I stick them under my armpits and press down. I curl my toes and promptly fall over. I try to get up, but it's honestly so tiring that I don't think it's even worth it anymore. Maybe I'll just lie here and sleep. I can go wherever… wherever it is… later.

—

It's snowing. I lie in the grass. At first the snow melts, but then it starts to pile up on and around me. Mountains and mountains of snow above me. A giant shovel scoops it all up at once, and I'm a part of it now too. Something holds me down, and suddenly I'm on the ocean, a boat or something, bobbing up and down on the sea, and I'm still wrapped in that secure, safe hold. A wave splashes over me. The water is warm, so warm. A fire sparks within me. It burns off all the wetness, licking all over, drying me. I float gently into a pile of feathers, soft and gentle. Some of the feathers clump together and stick close to me, and their centre is warm. The rest cover me, heavy but comforting. Sunlight reaches every feather, and every part of my body, right into the inside.

—

I feel the back of a soft hand on my forehead for a moment before it disappears. I realize how warm my body is. The echoes of the bitter cold remain in my mind, and I can still feel them, although I know they're not really there anymore. I'm lying in a bed, a thick duvet covering me up to my chin.

With some effort I open my eyes. It's the usual morning greeting, the usual blank ceiling. But this isn't my bed. This isn't my blanket. All my stuff is orange.

"Naruto?"

I turn my head. Sasuke is kneeling next to the bed, a mug in his hands. Terror instantly wells up inside me – I'm not ready to look at him again. But I'm exhausted. I can barely move.

"Here, drink this," he says, offering the mug. "You need warmth and energy."

Too tired to protest, too weak to repel him, the only thing I can think of right now is my condition. "Nn… what…?"

"Can you – can you sit up? Here, I can—"

I'm not sure what to do, what to think. So I ask, "What happened?"

At my question, I see his eyes flash. He stares at me, then, seemingly unable to continue, down at the mug.

"Tell me." I'm not willing to say his name yet. "What's going on?"

"Naruto…" His voice is weak, and it's now that I realize he's begun to tremble. He puts the mug down, still staring at it. "N-Naruto… Why…"

He's stuttering, shaking. I frown, confused. What brought this about? Why is he suddenly so… so full of emotion?

"What? Spit it out!"

"W-why did you go out there?" he finally cries. His voice nearly cracks at the end; he sounds frantic, desperate, and when he looks at me, his eyes show it.

"What are you talking about?"

"You…" He takes a deep breath, calming himself. "You… Into the rain – and the hail. You just… What kind of idiot runs out into rain – and _ice_ – and stays there?" He's breathing hard, confused and angry.

I frown. "Why do you care? It's your fault anyway. I wouldn't stay here unless I was unable to get out, which I obviously am right now."

He drops his gaze. I notice that he's grasping his knees tightly; his knuckles are white. "I know," he breathes. "I know it was my fault. I – after you left, I saw you out the window… when you tripped, I thought there must be something wrong, so I… I went outside, but I couldn't see you. I looked all over the grounds… I was so worried; it must have been hours before I found you… Naruto, what were you thinking? Did you _want_ to die of hypothermia?"

"Hypothermia…?"

"What else did you expect? Hail is as bad as snow, or worse!"

"I don't know," I say angrily. "Am I supposed to be able to think coherently after what you did to me?"

He says nothing, and instead just sits there, shaking, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Why am I in your bed?" I finally ask.

"You… I… It's what you're supposed to do. Hypothermia… you give the v-victim your own body warmth. I only left when I thought you would be okay on your own. You need to drink something hot, Naruto. R-really. You can at least – at least sit up, can't you?"

"Your own… body warmth?"

He looks away, flushing darkly, the heat of his cheeks contrasting sharply with his pale skin. "Well, I mean… it… it was the fastest way, especially since you couldn't consume… C-come on, sit up. Drink this."

Though still unwilling to have anything to do with him, I remember by now the things we learned about various illnesses in health class. Treatment of hypothermia involves returning both heat and energy to the body. It takes me a lot of effort just to push the duvet off; I finally manage to slide up and lean against the back wall. He hands me the mug, and I take it quickly, afraid that all his shaking might spill its contents. I take a sip. It's hot chocolate, rich and sweet. A good idea, better than water or tea, and I never liked coffee. It's cooled down enough to drink easily by now, and I do so fairly quickly, draining half the mug in one go. I can feel the warmth spread through my whole body, and my energy is quickly replenished.

"You'll… you'll be okay." It sounds like he's reassuring himself more than me.

"Yeah, I think so."

He lets out a long, shaky breath. He seems to deflate; the tension he was carrying lifts slightly.

"You… were really worried."

He gives a single small nod.

It takes me a moment to gather the strength to ask.

"Why?"

He shakes his head, like he doesn't know the answer.

"Why…" I stare into the half-empty hot chocolate. "Why do you… love me?"

The corner of his mouth lifts slightly, though the expression in his eyes remains unchanged. "Why do I love you? It's not a reason, Naruto. It just _is_."

I don't know what to say. Needing something to do, something to fill the awkward space, I drink again. Sasuke was never fond of sweet things. He makes coffee now and then. I remember the smell. I like the smell of coffee, but not the taste. I think he offered me a mug once, but I refused. Funny, for him to remember a thing like that.

"Why did you act like you hated me?"

His eyes flash with pain again. "I… didn't know how else to act. I was unable to act normal around you, so I acted the complete opposite, hoping it would mask the truth."

"But then you started acting normal. Well—" I correct myself "—not exactly _normal_, per se."

"I thought I could handle it. I guess it didn't quite come out how I wanted it to."

Another silence. Another sip.

"Sasuke."

He looks up; there's a flicker of hope.

"You really meant every word? Of the letters?"

"Every word."

"They couldn't have been completely honest. You're not a girl."

"How much would you have believed them if it sounded like they were coming from a guy?"

"I suppose."

Pause. Sip.

"Tomorrow's Saturday."

Sasuke says nothing.

"Take me out on a date."

He starts. "What—?"

"Tomorrow, all day. We'll go out. I…" The words my "secret" admirer has written to me surface in my mind. "I want to know what it's like to be loved by someone."

I toss off the duvet with much more ease than last time, then swing my legs over the side of the bed. I walk to my side of the room, stretch all my muscles, and get into my own bed. The clock reads ten.

"See you in the morning, Sasuke."

"…Goodnight, Naruto."

* * *

Let me tell you, it's hard to write about hypothermia in first person. Everything I found online was third-person observations of a victim. Last year in outdoor education class, we got a chapter of a book about various ways of dying (er… yeah…), and it explained hypothermia from a first-person POV, which was really useful. I'm glad I found the art in that thing and kept it. It was about a guy in the snow, but it was still very helpful.

I guess I have fun writing dreams. This must be, what, the third one? All the symbols that appear in the dreams I write mean something, but it's up to you to figure out. They're not that obscure – haha, I'm not good enough of a writer. If you don't know, don't worry. It's not incredibly important, just sort of interesting.

I want to say "this is where the fun begins," but I think I've been through that phase a few times already. Alright, instead I'll say: "this is where the fluff begins!" The real fluff!

Are you excited? I'm excited.

Thanks for reading!

R+F

Wait. WAIT. MORE SLEEP-ENDING CHAPTERS? D:


	7. Waves

I'd intended for the entire date to fit into one chapter, but I wrote up to a finished-like point and decided to step back and check my word count… 'Nuff said.

* * *

I awake feeling more refreshed than usual. I guess it makes sense; I did go to bed rather earlier than when I normally do. Despite this, I still feel a slight sense of sorrow. It has nothing to do with the time, or the fact that I'm going on a date today. It's just… today.

I prop myself up in bed to check the time – I've slept over twelve hours. I stretch and rub my eyes, yawning.

"Morning, dobe."

Sasuke is sitting on the edge of his bed, already dressed. He looks like he's been ready for ages. He's wearing a form-fitting black shirt; the shoulder and opposite side near the bottom are decorated with a pattern made of different bright blues interlacing and weaving. A blue symbol on the shirt, like three commas facing out in a triangle, can be seen in an odd place slightly to the left of the back of his neck. The jeans he wears are a pair I've seen many times, faded black, something I would find tight and uncomfortable but that he has no trouble wearing. I'm not fond of tight clothing, but Sasuke seems to like it just fine.

"How long have you been up?" I ask, standing.

He shrugs. "I didn't check the clock. Maybe two hours."

"Early riser?"

"And late to bed," he adds. "I'm used to it. It's not like… like I could have gotten much sleep last night anyway."

Halfway to the closet I stop, surprised. "Why?"

"Why?" he repeats. He tilts his head up to look at the ceiling, then falls back onto his bed. "I don't know. Nervous, I suppose…"

I watch his still figure for a moment, then resume my path and open the closet. Nervous? I stare at my arrangement of clothing, and find that I'm having trouble choosing. It's weird. I don't usually have an issue with what I wear – I don't really care too much; I generally just throw something on. But I've noticed how Sasuke pays attention to his outfit. He always picks matching colours and styles. I won't deny it; everyone in the school knows it whether or not they like him that he's very good-looking. And now I feel self-conscious about my appearance.

I start going through the closet, muttering, "Why is it suddenly so hard to decide…?"

I sense him smirking behind me and turn my head to glare at him. He gets up and strides over to where I am. By some unspoken consent I let him look through my clothes, feeling much less awkward than I think I should.

He pulls out an orange T-shirt with a black spiral at the stomach and spokes radiating from it like a sun. Tossing it to me, he turns back to the closet, looking through as though at a clothes store, then pauses contemplatively at a pair of heavy pants with a chain that clips onto a belt loop, hangs across the opposite leg, then comes back up to the back pocket.

"You like chains?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I wouldn't wear them."

"Bet you think I look good in them, though," I jeer, grinning mischievously. Quickly I grab the pants and make for the bathroom before he can react. As I close the door behind me I catch a glimpse of his flushed face, and have to put a hand to my mouth to stop from bursting out laughing. One would expect me to be creeped out by such a reaction, but I just find it funny. Sasuke's not the kind of guy to get embarrassed over something.

While I'm in there, I brush my teeth and make sure my hair isn't too messy – nor too neat. I pull the hem of my shirt down and settle my pants comfortably on my waist. I'm glad they fit well enough to not require a belt, because I can see that being a bit uncomfortable with the chain. I turn around once, checking every side of myself in the mirror, then jam a thumb into my pocket and head back out.

Sasuke is at his desk, slipping his keys into his pocket. When I open the door, he turns to look at me, and I swear his eyes run me up and down, although it's so quick I can't be entirely sure. Pretending not to notice, I grab my iPod, headphones, wallet, keys, and cellphone.

"It's quite warm today," he notes, looking out the window at the sunny sky as he pulls on a pair of sneakers. "I don't think we'll need coats."

"Funny," I mutter, "I got hypothermia yesterday. Well, whatever."

"Ready?" he asks.

I nod. We head out.

"So," I say as we leave the dorm building, "what are we planning on doing?"

"I don't know. Where do you usually go?"

"The mall, the movies, the arcade… the Stoneheads…" He seems to react to the name. "What?"

"Nothing. It's a good place." He holds open the door with a cocky smile. "After you."

"I told you, I'm not a fucking girl," I snap, although my tone is lighter than I might have intended and I can't help but smile back. I flick his arm before going through the door. He chuckles behind me as he follows.

It's a few minutes' walk to get out of campus. We keep a relaxed pace, side by side. I hear whispers around us – Uchiha Sasuke, heading out of campus in the company of another? It's unheard of. Besides being smart and hot, Sasuke's also the biggest loner you ever met. It's one of the only things that stops the girls from swarming him to death. And now he's suddenly going somewhere to pass leisure time with the likes of me.

I'm not unknown at Konoha High. Most people know the story of the Kyuubi, how it nearly destroyed the city. The vast majority of that number judges me under the assumption that I'm somehow a human incarnation of the fox. They look at me with hate, anger, and fear. I may grin and be optimistic and loud, but sometimes I feel like it's all a ruse. Every time someone looks at me with those eyes, I feel just how empty my heart is. If I hadn't found out that Iruka-sensei believed in me when I did, I don't know if I would be here today. After that, I made good friends – Shikamaru, Kiba, Gaara, Neji, and Sai sort of fill the loneliness. With them it's a lot easier to ignore the glares.

When I started getting the anonymous letters, something changed. Knowing that a single person out there knew the story, and yet didn't hate me, meant everything. I had hope. I had love, too, although not as directly as I'd wanted. I was living upon the assumption that I would one day meet this girl and that everything would be swell. I can't say I expected anything like this to happen.

"Hey, Sasuke…" I think about what I'm about to ask, then reconsider, feeling rather conscious of all the eyes on us.

"What?"

"Never mind… I'll ask you later."

"If you're worried about the people, I don't really care. They'll find out sooner or later what's really going on."

"No, I'll ask later. It's fine."

We fall into silence again. For some reason it seems awkward now, to be walking side by side and not saying anything. It didn't feel weird _before_ I had to go and almost ask my question.

"So, uh…" I glance away and rub the back of my head, trying to think of something to talk about. Thing is, I don't exactly know where we stand in our relationship right now. Sasuke's been surprisingly nice to me this morning. Maybe he's trying to make up for the past year or so. I realize this is a date, but I'm still not sure whether or not I've stopped hating him yet. Also…

"Did it ever occur to you that it might be weird that we're both guys?" I finally ask, quietly, so that people nearby won't hear. Well, way to make it less awkward, I tell myself. But it's a valid question.

"Of course. I'm not totally oblivious to our peers."

"And?"

"I thought it was a bit weird at first, but… the emotions I feel are definitely what I think they are. Love can't be restricted by things like gender."

"Hm." I never thought I might be gay. I mean, I never was as fond as most other guys of busty, big-assed whores, and the prospect of liking a guy has never been something disgusting or weird to me – I'm pretty comfortable with Sai's sexuality, so I guess that's a bit of a given. The only thing that makes Sai creepy is that he expresses his gay tendencies towards us sometimes, which is just awkward. I don't know if he's doing it to mess with us, or if he actually means something by it. Sure, I can tell when a guy's good-looking, but that doesn't automatically mean I have the hots for him.

Although… That reminds me of the first time I saw Sasuke. Way back on the first day of my first year of high school, before I knew how much of a bastard he was. Now that I really think about it, I'm pretty sure I can distinctly remember thinking something along the lines of "if I were a girl, I'd totally tap that."

I don't know what to think now.

I glance over at him. His face is passive, but he looks as though he's thinking something over thoroughly. His features are at the same time soft and sharp, subtle and accented. His raven-black eyes gaze into space, his thin, dark lashes occasionally meeting for a fleeting instant. His nose is somehow just perfect – not too big or small, with just the right curve. His lips are pale and thin, usually closed. His hair frames his face and brushes over his eyes, while the back sticks up in that way no one else could ever make look good. Truthfully, he's really skinny – like I said before, he could be anorexic if I didn't see him eating several times a day in the dorm (I don't know how he does it). But skinny works for him. He's not short, nor is he too lanky. His shoulders aren't too broad. He moves with the same grace and subtlety with which he holds himself and acts. And I find myself thinking: shit, this guy really _is _hot.

"Did you want something, dobe?"

"Wha—" I start, feeling my face suddenly burn. "No, nothing. It's nothing." I turn away, trying to hide what I'm certain is a prominent blush.

"What?" he insists, a smirk playing at his lips.

"I told you, nothing."

"You were staring for a pretty long time. I don't think it was nothing."

My cheeks get a few degrees hotter, but I adamantly keep silent.

"Don't tell me you were checking me out."

"No!" I snap loudly, instinctively turning, but my red face betrays my lie. "Don't get cocky, teme."

But Sasuke has every right to say he's hot. Everyone else has already said so first. It's not a thing of ego – it's pretty much a fact.

"If it's any consolation, I've done it to you several times already today."

"How's that supposed to make me feel better?" I shout. My face could be on fire. Partly to myself, but still loud enough so that he can hear, I mutter, "I knew it. When I finished changing and got out of the bathroom. I _knew_ it."

Any satisfaction I get from the light colour that dusts his cheeks is put out by the smirk that still lingers on his face. I pout and pointedly ignore him until we stop just outside of school property.

"So, where to?" he asks.

I shrug, indifferent.

"Well we have to think of _something_."

"Why don't you then?"

"I don't go out that often," he says, sounding a little reluctant to admit it. "Besides, we're doing what _you_ want today. This isn't about me."

I don't know what to say. "Sasuke…"

He glances away, looking awkward. "Where d'you want to go?" he asks again.

I'm not going to get out of this, am I? I resign myself and think of something. "I guess we could head towards the market. That's where everything is, anyway. Maybe we'll spot something to do."

With some tension lifted as we've finally come to a decision, we set off towards the heart of the city. We're quickly interrupted, however, by a call behind us.

"Sasuke-kun!"

A girl, in a skirt so short it should be illegal, runs up to us. "Sasuke-kun," she says again.

Sasuke says nothing.

"Umm…" It's as though she's forgotten what she came here so urgently for. She glances up at Sasuke, blushes, then quickly looks away.

"What is it?" he asks patiently.

"Well… I just… Here!" She pulls out an envelope from behind her and holds it out, head bowed and eyes shut tight.

"Oh." Sasuke takes it. "Thank you."

As soon as the envelope is out of her hands, she takes off again. I swear she's running like that to get her panties to show on purpose.

"Who was that?"

He glances at me, then raises an eyebrow. "Jealous, dobe?"

"No," I retort automatically. "Don't think so highly of yourself, teme. Jealous of you? Never."

"That's not what I meant," he smirks.

"W-What's that supposed to mean?"

He ignores my question. "Anyway, I don't know that girl. Never seen her before." He opens it, takes out the note, and reads it aloud. " 'Dear Sasuke, Please meet me at the dorm crossings at 8:00 P.M. tonight. From Shibuya Riku.' "

"Oh, hey, I think she's in Sakura-chan's med class," I say. "Sakura-chan says she's not very popular, but acts like she is."

"I'm not going."

"What?"

"Unless you don't feel like being out that long, I'm not going."

Again I'm touched by his consideration for me. It's not hard to see he really means it.

"It wouldn't be very nice to leave her waiting…"

"Hn…"

"I think you should go," I tell him. "At least find out what she has to say."

"It'll be a confession. I'm committed." He looks me in the eye, earning another blush from me. Embarrassed, I look away.

"It's… it's not like it's decided yet," I mutter. "The day's only just started."

He smiles warmly. "We'll see." He puts the note back in the envelope, then pulls out three heart-shaped chocolates, one wrapped in orange foil, another in green, the third blue.

"Chocolate," he says.

"Don't you… not like sweets?"

He looks at me as though it's weird for me to have noticed a thing like this. "Just one of the differences between you and me that I've figured out," I say, shrugging.

"D'you want them?"

"But…"

"It's not like I'm going to eat them anyway." He puts them in my hand before I can argue further, then resumes walking.

I stare at the chocolates. It's not exactly that I feel guilty, since it's true that they would probably just go to waste if he kept them.

"There's nothing to feel bad about," he calls, snapping me out of my thoughts. I catch up to him. "Just eat them."

I shrug, unwrap the green one, and take a bite. The middle contains a thin sliver of white paste; a cool taste fills my mouth.

"It's mint." I pop the rest into my mouth, then turn to the other one. "Probably orange-flavoured. You sure you don't want it?"

He glances over at the word "orange"; I think I spot a flicker in his eyes.

"Here." I put it in his hand just as he did to me. "You eat oranges all the time, right? Orange chocolate is about the best thing ever."

"Fine." He unwraps it carefully, then places the chocolate in his mouth, smoothing out the wrapper as he eats.

"So, you like it?" I ask.

"Mm," he hums in assent.

"I can smell it."

"Can you?"

"Yeah. Because of the Kyu…" I stop myself, my voice falling to a mumble. The sorrow I felt upon waking returns. I rub the back of my head and glance away. "Never mind."

I can feel his eyes trained on me. "Naruto…"

"Forget I said anything." It doesn't escape my memory that he once insulted my existence as a Jinchuuriki. The hurt it caused me still remains, small though it may have become over the time that's passed.

"I'm sorry. Back then, I… I shouldn't have said… It hurt me too…"

Suddenly a string of written words comes to the front of my mind in that neat, elegant handwriting. _I know it doesn't really make sense to you right now, and I can't tell you why, but I really am sorry… Perhaps one day I can make it up to you._

He'd known. From the beginning, he'd been insulting me, knowing it hurt me, knowing it hurt him. Well, of course. I knew that too. But it just never hit me like this until now.

"You really couldn't have done anything else?" I ask. I'm unaware that I've stopped walking until I hear him halt beside me. I stare out into the street, not really paying attention to what I'm looking at.

"…I don't know. Maybe, if I had been stronger. If I were stronger."

I close my eyes, envisioning more words from the anonymous letters._ I'll love you forever. I'm always thinking of you. I'm sorry._ I let them lift my heart, and I smile a little.

"You've got today to convince me. Make it good."

* * *

I admit, not much really happens in this chapter, but I intend for their relationship to develop slowly, with lots of ups and downs in terms of their degree of comfort around each other (hence the name of the chapter).

R+F


	8. Retribution

"So what about this last chocolate?" I ask as we resume walking.

He glances at it. "Dunno. Open it."

I do so. Little chunks of stuff can be seen in it.

"Oh, I bet it's that crispy rice stuff. I haven't had it in ages." I take a bite, feeling it crunch under my teeth. "Yep. Want the other half?"

"What?"

"Go on."

I hold it out to him. He hesitates.

"You eat it," he says.

"But why?"

He doesn't answer.

"Just for that I'm going to _make_ you eat it," I grumble.

The corner of his mouth lifts. "Was that a challenge?"

"F— Just eat the damn chocolate, teme!"

"And if I say no?"

"I'll stuff it down your fucking throat."

"Hn," he laughs mockingly. I pounce on him, sending us both tumbling to the ground. Before he can even react, I shove the half-heart into his mouth.

"There. Now eat it, bastard."

Through the chocolate he says, "You wanna get off my crotch first?"

I instantly jump back, falling over on the grass next to him. When he said that a sudden heat flared instantly through my whole body, delaying the time it took me to remember that I had in fact been sitting on his stomach.

"Teme!" I shout. "You lying bas—"

I'm interrupted not by his words but by his laughter, stunning me right out of my sentence. I've never heard him laugh like that before – full-lunged and breathless, his face mirthful, his whole body shaking. He lets himself flop back, holding his stomach, trying to contain it all.

Eventually I gather my wits enough to ask, "What the _hell_ is so damn funny?"

He shakes his head, then breathes deeply, still chuckling. It takes him a least a minute to regain speech.

"I – I don't know. It's just… Your reaction… ha!"

My face burns again, and I pout angrily. "You're the biggest bastard I ever met." Under my breath I mutter, " 'S'gotta be about the tenth time my face has caught fire today."

"You're so cute, dobe."

"Cute!" I plant my hand on his face and push his head back in irritation. " 'M'not fucking—…" I take a deep breath, willing myself not to kill him just yet.

A hand is thrust into my vision; I look up to find that he's stood and is offering to help me up. Reluctantly I take the hand; he pulls me with such force that I lose my balance and tip into his arms. He runs a hand up the back of my neck; I give him an irritable "humph" and push away, ignoring as best I can the shiver that just ran down my spine.

"Don't push it, teme," I say in a low voice.

He just laughs again. The sound is almost melodious. It sort of soothes me to know that he's amused. I offer a half-smile.

We set off walking again without any sort of verbal agreement, without any indication. See, this is what confuses me. Sometimes we seem to be inexplicably linked, and other times we clash unmistakably. One moment I feel completely comfortable around him; the next I'll feel more awkward than ever.

We need to _do_ something. All this awkward silence is really getting to me. I glance around and spot a small café. It looks pleasant, somewhere Sasuke might go on a regular basis. But sitting around drinking coffee entices conversation, and I don't think I can stand having to endure any more uncomfortable silences. Across the street from the café is a windowless building with large, brightly coloured streaks painted on its black walls. I grin.

"Ever played laser tag, Sasuke?"

The expression on his face tells me his answer. "No."

"You deprived child!" I grab his wrist and make for the crosswalk, seeing that the light for "go" is about to change. We make it just in time. In the building, we get two tickets for the next free-for-all round. With several minutes still to wait, I glance around the arcade. My eye falls on the vacant Dance Dance Revolution machine.

"You go to the Stoneheads, right?" I ask.

His reaction isn't what I expected – he whips around to face me, looking surprised, and his eyes tell me my question has more meaning to him than it does to me.

"What's the look for?" I ask suspiciously.

"Nothing," he says quickly, regaining his usual demeanour. "Yeah, I go there."

"You dance?"

"Hn."

I take that as a yes. "You wanna bet I can dance better?"

He raises an eyebrow.

"Don't be shy." I grin, and his eyes spark the way they always do when I challenge him.

We take our places at the machine. I give it a couple hundred yen and it starts up.

"You know DDR isn't the same as real dancing," he says.

"Doesn't stop me from being good at both," I shoot back, going through the various setup menus. "If you're worried, I can go easy on you."

"Don't get cocky, dobe."

I set it to the hardest difficulty and start the random roulette. It stops on Distance by Long Shot Party.

"Score! I love this song." I tap my foot as the song loads. "Not too fast for you, is it?"

He scoffs. "No."

I turn to my screen and wait. The arrows start right when the music does, but I've played this song so many times that I know – not only in my mind but my body as well – how fast it goes. Having it on my iPod helps, too. Tuning out the clattering of the dance pad, I submerge myself in the music, calling back to memory the pattern of the arrows, the feel of the dance. Although the arrow sequence is randomized in this mode, the rhythm is the same, and I've always had a touch of spontaneity that helps me with things like this.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as my first combo strikes Sasuke's side, shrinking all his arrows. Almost instantly after, a rotating arrow replaces a normal one on my screen, making it hard for me to know what I'll have to push when it gets to the top. I clear it easily, though, and soon the combos are flying back and forth. Though breathing hard, I grin. I can briefly hear the sound of people cheering around us before my focus returns completely to the game. I hit the last note perfectly, but my concentration doesn't waver until the screen darkens. Then I can let my mind relax and let out a breath.

The noise of the crowd swells again. I turn, grinning, to see a decent group standing around the arcade machine. I glance at Sasuke. He's still facing the screen, looking content, but seemingly not about the crowd. High voices reach my ears through the cheering and whooping.

"I didn't know Sasuke-kun could dance!"

"Kyaa, Sasuke-kun, you're so good!"

"Amazing, Sasuke-kun!"

I feel a strange twist in my chest, painful and sharp. I look over to the side again, and Sasuke catches my eye. He smiles, as though reassuring me of something. The tightness in my heart dissipates.

"The score, dobe."

I turn to the screen, where the game is racking up our points. The rolling numbers slow and finally stop – I've won by a hundred points.

"Ha!" I shout, grinning at him.

A voice comes over the announcements. "Would all players with blue tickets please come to the door. That's all players with blue tickets."

"That's us," Sasuke says. "Come on."

He takes my hand and pulls me off the DDR machine. The contact, the warmth of his hand, the way he grasps mine – not too hard, but in a reassuring grip nonetheless – sends a subtle tingling up my arm.

Before getting our equipment, a worker briefs our group.

"Each person will get a vest and a gun," he explains, holding up a set with which to demonstrate. "Slide your ticket through the gun slot and your nickname will show up on its screen. You can shoot a person's front, back, shoulders, or gun. When you get shot, your lights will go from green to red and you'll be unable to shoot or be shot for five seconds. Your gun will beep and tell you the nickname of the person who shot you. Similarly, when you shoot someone, their nickname will show up on your screen. It's free-for-all, so be careful not to aim at your allies!"

As we each get our equipment, I turn to Sasuke. "So? Allies or opponents?"

"Opponents," he says immediately. "I'll get you back for the DDR."

"It was only a hundred points; don't be a sore loser," I laugh. "Ten seconds to distance ourselves, then?"

"Sure."

The playing area is dark but for the UV lights illuminating certain clothing. Luckily my orange T-shirt isn't made out of the right stuff to glow, but the patterns on Sasuke's shirt stand out brightly. I start off in the direction opposite him, counting in my head. By the time I'm at ten, I've weaved around so much that I don't think I'd be able to backtrack anymore. A flash of green catches my eye and I turn to see a player walking away. I take aim and pull the trigger, and after a few shots his lights go red. He whips around, but I'm already gone, searching for another target.

I rack up a few more points, then my gun's lights go red with a beep, the screen indicating that "Kaminari" just got a point off me. The culprit is nowhere to be seen. Not wanting to be hit again, I dart into an alleyway and loop through the area, picking off more people on my way.

Noticing a little alcove to the side, I take a peek to see a ramp leading up a narrow passageway. I follow it and find myself in an open space, perhaps half the size of the dorm room, with a separated wall in the middle and a metal grid for one of the outside walls. Through this I can see down to a good deal of the ground-floor playing area. A set of green lights wanders into the view. I aim and fire, my gun screen confirming the point I've gotten off "Nana Iro" along with his red lights. I see him turn wildly and hide behind the centre wall just in case. He gives up and continues on. I can't help but grin. I snipe off anyone I see, and their confusion amuses me to no end.

My gun beeps and the lights turn red. I jump. The screen reads: "Shot by Karasu." A dark figure emerges from the passageway.

"Teme!"

"Nice place you've got here, dobe," he smirks. "These guns are damn heavy, aren't they?"

I snort. "No they're not. How weak are you?"

"Well you're a tank anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Take a compliment, usuratonkachi."

"Whatever. Look, you can shoot people from here and no one even knows." I nod towards the metal grid and he looks down with mild interest.

Taking advantage of this distraction, I shoot him. He frowns at the beep and looks to his gun screen.

"Kitsune?" He reads. "You couldn't have come up with anything more original than fox?"

"It's better than crow," I retort.

"Raven," he corrects me. "And no, it's not." He glances down, then shoots someone. "Is this your brilliant plan? Hide out here until the game is over?"

"No, of course not. That'd be boring. I just found this place." I shoot him again.

"Oi, dobe!"

I snigger, then jump around to the other side of the wall, but he chases me until his gun is re-activated and shoots me down. Heavy stomping makes us both stop.

"Shit, we've been found," I mutter. "Temporary truce?"

"Yeah."

We hide in the corners next to the opening. A troop of little kids comes up the ramp. We shoot, managing to get a few points before they hit us.

"Damn, let's get out of here." I grab Sasuke's wrist and we charge through the crowd. They don't follow us – they probably just wanted the hideout for themselves.

Sasuke wriggles his arm in my grasp. Thinking he wants me to let go, I loosen my hold, but he slips his hand into mine and closes his fingers around it.

I stare at him, not knowing what to feel – what to say. Then I turn away and mumble, "Now's not the time for things like that."

He lets go, but I can sense him smiling. Then: "Behind you."

I turn just as he shoots a player with her gun raised. She pouts and runs off.

"See?" I say, glad for a reason to argue against his behaviour. "You can't catch me off my guard like that."

"Of course," he replies, but I can tell he's mocking my seriousness. He doesn't mention it after that, though.

We spend the rest of the game working together, watching each other's backs. By unspoken consent we don't shoot each other again. All too soon, everyone's lights go red and a different beep is emitted, signalling the end of the game. I stash my gun in its holder on my vest and head for the exit, marked by arrows that have now lit up. Sasuke follows, taking my hand again. I glance at him.

"What?" he asks innocently.

I stare pointedly. "You know 'what.' "

"Do you want me to let go?"

I'm about to answer a strong "yes," but then I realize this might not be entirely true. It's a girly sentiment at best, and to do it in public, let alone at a laser tag place – I mean, what's he thinking? But on the other hand, I'm beginning to sort of enjoy the feeling. It's as though his hand is reminding me that there's someone there for me, and I can't explain how important that is.

"I don't care what others think," he says as though reading my mind. "Never have, never will."

"That's a lie," I tell him with a small smile. "I've seen the way you pick your clothes out in the morning. Anyway, I for one _do_ care."

"If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll stop."

He loosens his grip. Automatically, almost unconsciously, I tighten mine. We both stop walking and he looks at me.

"…Don't," I finally say.

"What?"

"Don't… Fuck, it sounds so _wrong_," I say exasperatedly, turning away and rolling my eyes. "Never mind." I resume walking, pulling him by the hand, and hope he gets the message.

I sort of dread going out into the brighter and more crowded main lobby, but our having to remove our gear gets rid of this for me, since we have to let go in order to do so. We leave our vests behind and go to the lobby to get our score sheets. Sasuke gets his first, and I look over his shoulder for our nicknames.

"Beat you by three," he says with a triumphant smirk.

"What? No way!" I try to grab the paper, then stop when my nickname is called so I can get my own. Sure enough, his number of hits minus the number of times he got hit is three more than mine.

"I'm only one place behind you, though," I tell him. "Look, you're seventh, and I'm eighth."

"But I still win."

"Yeah, yeah." I fold the paper up and tuck it into my wallet for lack of a better place to put it.

"Do you want to go for another round, or should we go somewhere else?"

My stomach answers for me with a growl. I glance down. "Right, haven't had breakfast. Let's go find someplace to eat."

* * *

Distance by Long Shot Party was used for a Naruto Shippuuden anime opening. I wanted to mention a more recent one, but Distance seemed a good speed. I asked my friend who plays DDR a lot and she showed me Xepher, which I swear is physically impossible to beat on the hardest level… but PEOPLE DO IT. It boggles my mind. Distance reminds me of Xepher so I went for it almost instinctively. I don't think you can actually play it on machines, but then I've never played DDR in Japan.

A note on laser tag nicknames: The random ones don't have any particular significance. I just wanted to mess with Japanese words. I was going to leave them English, but then some language technicality stopped me, so I went and made them all Japanese, taking words from stuff I've heard. Here's what each means:

Kaminari = lightning

Nana Iro = seven colours (taken from the song Niji (meaning rainbow) by Aqua Timez: "nana iro no hashi" means "seven colour bridge")

Kitsune = fox (Many people think it means demon fox, but it applies to normal foxes too.)

Karasu = crow or raven (From what I've found, it can mean either, which is why Sasuke has to correct Naruto. I'm pretty sure there's a different word that also means raven, or else how would you differentiate? They are, after all, different species.

R+F


	9. Turnabout

We leave the building, once more setting off in the direction of the market. Instead of stopping to sit at a restaurant, we get some sandwiches from a little shop and eat them as we walk, examining the various goods for sale. It's mostly fresh produce, fish, jewellery, or clothing. One stall sells handmade accessories, from gem-inlaid patterns to metal kanji to figures carved out of ivory. A glimmer of deep, fiery orange catches my eye and I stop to get a closer look.

It's a flat piece of metal about the size of a coin, skilfully engraved to show a fox curled up in a circle with its tail tip and one paw darkened. In the middle sits a round stone, smaller than my smallest fingernail. Its colouring intrigues me: depending on what angle you see it at, its colour ranges from golden yellow to reddish orange. I take the pendant, hanging on a thin chain, carefully between my fingers, and angle it back and forth, watching the stone flash.

"Sasuke, check this out," I say. He stands behind me, looking over my shoulder. He's a bit closer than necessary, but I'm not entirely uncomfortable with the distance, so I say nothing about it. "And look, there's one of a crow too." Its wings are arched in a circle the same size as the fox's, and its stone changes between a light blue like my eyes and a blue so dark it could be mistaken for black.

The old woman who's selling everything comes to us. "Have you heard the Greek fable of the crow and the fox?"

We both shake our heads.

"Fox once saw Crow with a piece of cheese in his beak. He wanted the cheese for himself, and so he told Crow his feathers were beautiful, he flew with amazing grace, his eyes were bright and cunning. And he said, 'Your voice must also surpass that of other birds, so please let me hear just one song so I may call you the greatest of the birds.' "

"Crow opens his beak to sing and the cheese falls to Fox," I finish.

"Yes indeed, and Fox gives Crow some advice in return: never trust a flatterer."

I look at the two necklaces again. "They're beautiful."

I turn the fox pendant over and my eyes widen at the price sticker. I haven't got that much money to spare for something like this… Turning it back again, I brush my thumb over it, feeling the engraved fur. "Do you mind if I have a look at some of the other stuff?"

"Not at all."

I take a last wistful glance at the necklaces before moving on to the opposite table, where little animals of wood and ivory stand in various poses. There are animals of every kind. Some hold coloured gems or beautiful stones; others stand alone. They're cute, but my mind is still on the necklaces. I really would've liked to have gotten them, but I can hardly afford one as it is. I get a little allowance from the school, since I have no parents to provide for me, but I typically have to save it for food and other necessities. If I stopped going to the arcade or the Stoneheads for a while… I try to calculate the total in my head. Maybe I can get just one. It'd be a long time without going out, though. Is it worth it? I turn back to where they hung only to find that they've disappeared.

"I'm sorry, dear," says the woman. "I thought you weren't going to buy them, so I sold them to someone else."

"It's alright," I say quickly. "I wouldn't have been able to anyway." I bid her good day and leave to join Sasuke, who's waiting a little ways away. We set off again. I can't help feeling distinctly regretful.

"Hey, Sasuke."

"Hn?"

"If I'm the fox and you're the crow—"

"Raven," he corrects me again.

"They're the same thing anyway."

"No they're not. Ravens are a different species. They're bigger."

" 'Crow' and 'raven' can be the same word," I argue.

"Then maybe the crow in the fable was actually a raven."

"Fine, whatever!" I say exasperatedly. "It can be a raven, then! So if I'm Fox and you're Raven, what does that say about us?"

He looks at me suspiciously. I grin, feeling like the cunning Fox.

"Are you hinting at something?" he asks, eyes narrowing.

"No, that's why I'm asking," I explain.

"The fable isn't a metaphor for our relationship, dobe," he tells me as though I'm stupid. "Just because the animals are the same, doesn't mean—"

"I _know_ that! I'm just hypothesizing!" I sigh and shove my hands in my pockets. "They were nice necklaces. I mean, I had the money and everything, but…"

"Do you even wear jewellery?"

"Well, not usually, but I mean, they weren't girly or anything. I could've just gotten one… What?" I ask accusingly, because he's smiling at me as though he knows something I don't.

"Nothing. You can look for something else, can't you? The market's pretty big. There's bound to be something you'll like more."

"Hmm," I answer, unconvinced. There's a pause, then I say, "Wanna go train-hopping?"

"What?"

"Train-hopping," I repeat. "We'll get some tickets and go wherever."

"Don't the tickets only let you in and out of specific stations?"

"Well, no, see, you can get day passes. My friends and I do it sometimes. Sometimes we'll all go together; sometimes we'll split into two or three groups and call each other at an appointed time. It's loads of fun, and it helps you get to know the routes a lot—"

I'm interrupted by the chorus of Hero's Come Back. Stopping in my tracks, I dig into my pocket and pull out my ringing cellphone. I look at the screen to find Kiba's name on it before flipping it open and answering. "Hey."

"Where are you?" he says, sounding rather impatient. I can hear the others talking in the background. "We've been trying to find you all day! Uchiha's not in your dorm, and we've looked in all the usual places, and even Sakura said she hasn't seen you."

"Oh." I glance at Sasuke, knowing he can hear the conversation. He looks back at me questioningly. "I'm, uh, out. Thought I could use a day to myself."

There's a pause in which I can almost imagine Kiba's frown. "You're out alone today of all days?"

"Not – not alone."

"Huh?" Now he sounds confused. "Then who with?"

I say nothing, unsure of whether or not to tell the truth. Again I look at Sasuke. He blinks once. I see the light of an idea in his eyes even before he smirks evilly at me. Voice raised, he says, "Hurry up Naruto, we haven't got all day."

I glare at him, covering the mouthpiece to hiss, "Shut up! And yes, we have."

"Who is that?" Kiba asks, astonished. "Is that… is that Uchiha?"

I hear Sai exclaim, "Uchiha Sasuke?" in the background. I shoot my best glare at Sasuke.

"Come on, dobe," he says, ignoring me, "we're gonna miss the show."

"Show? You're going to a show with him?"

"No I'm not," I snap at the phone. "He's a liar. A liar and a bastard."

"So it is Uchiha?"

I'm about to answer, but Sasuke speaks first. "Yes, it's me, Inuzuka. What of it?"

I hear fumbling and Neji comes on, voice threatening. "What are you doing to him, Uchiha?"

Sasuke swipes the cell from my hand before I can even react. "Why do you assume I'm doing anything bad to him? I'm taking him out on a date."

"A—"

"A date?" Shikamaru shouts.

"Calm down!" I shout, grabbing the phone back. "Listen. It's a long story. I'll tell you when I get back, okay?"

"But – Naruto!" Kiba cuts in again. "A _date_? You know what day it is – Fuck, I knew Sai was gay, but – and it's _Sasuke_!"

"You think I don't _know_ that?" I yell. "Give me a fucking chance! Of course I know what day it is! Let me have my date, I'll tell you about it later, and don't fucking discriminate against gays!"

I snap the phone shut angrily and stuff it back in my pocket. I feel Sasuke's hand reaching for my shoulder, but I turn and glare at him, stopping it in its tracks. "What'd you have to go and talk back to them for?"

He snatches his hand back, looking surprised and upset by my outburst at him. This makes me regret my actions slightly. But just a little bit.

"I was gonna tell them," I say, bringing my voice back to a normal volume, "before _someone_ went and did it himself. Then I wouldn't have told them for the world. But you just _had_ to, didn't you?"

"Sorry." I can tell he means it. "They're going to find out eventually anyway, aren't they? We can't hide this forever."

"That's not—" I stop.

"What?"

"Nothing."

He just looks at me with an expression that tells me he won't buy it.

"Never mind, okay? It's not important."

I start walking, heading for the entrance to the underground train system, but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back around to face him.

"Tell me, Naruto!"

"You won't like it."

"You're stalling. Just tell me."

I turn away, determined not to look at him. "You said, 'We can't hide this forever.' "

"Well they already know, for one thing," he says.

"I'm not talking about the date. I meant about… us."

"Are you saying we can hide our relationship? That they'll never find out about it?"

"Not if it never happens!"

He falls silent, speechless. I realize my fists are clenched and my teeth gritted. I take a deep breath and relax.

"I said you wouldn't like it."

"You're still not convinced?"

His tone makes me turn. He takes my hand. "There's still time," he says.

"I know that. That's why I didn't want to say it."

He smiles, and I can't help but smile back. Without a word we both set off for the train entrance.

Underground, we buy our tickets, enter the gates, and catch the first train that comes. It's not too full, so we sit through a few stops, then get out.

As I make for another train, Sasuke says, "Where are you going?"

"You've gotta take a few routes first," I tell him. "It's more fun this way."

When we decide we're done travelling, we check a large map on the wall of the station.

"We're here," I say, pointing to the large red dot indicating our location. "We're near Mizuhana Street. Konoha High is… here."

"So now that we're somewhere, what do we do?"

"Hang out in the city for a while until we feel like going somewhere else. At the end we'll map out a way back."

Above ground, we get some ice cream from a small shop just outside the entrance that sells all sorts of green tea products.

"Hey, Sasuke, what's your favourite flavour of ice cream?"

"Red bean."

"Really?"

"It's not too sweet," he explains. "What's your favourite?"

"Green tea." I gesture with my cone. "Whoever thought to make green tea flavoured stuff was a genius."

I lick around the edge of the cone, where for some reason ice cream always seems to melt the fastest. I'm reminded of one time when the gang and I went to get ice cream together. Kiba and I got into an argument over whether biting or licking the ice cream is better. Kiba always wolfs it down in a minute. Somehow it seems characteristic of him… Something to do with all the dogs his family has? Anyway. I prefer licking it; it lasts longer that way. Kiba is always staring at mine after he's done his because it takes me so much longer to finish. Just proves me right, doesn't it?

Speaking of staring…

Sensing a pair of eyes glued to me, I glance around. I'm surprised to see Sasuke watching me.

"Sasuke?"

"Wha—" He starts, then his cheeks go redder than I've ever seen them. He glances away hurriedly. "Nothing."

"Uh… I didn't ask anything."

To my amusement, his face goes a shade darker.

"Why are you so embarrassed?" I crane my neck, trying to see his eyes, but he keeps looking away.

"I'm not," he says, too quickly. "It's nothing."

"Why were you staring at me?"

"I wasn't."

"Yes you were. Don't forget I can sense stuff like that."

"I know that," he mutters, still refusing to look me in the eye.

"Come on, that's not fair. You made me tell you my unimportant thoughts. Why were you staring at me?"

He speaks quietly, sounding like he's making excuses, stuttering uncharacteristically. "It's – I – You were just – The ice cream, and—"

"The ice cream?" I look at it, then notice it's melting and quickly lick it up so it doesn't drip. Then I turn back to Sasuke, whose eyes are fixed on me. He's frowning slightly, lips pursed, as though trying to hold something back; he swallows nervously.

A sudden idea comes to me, and my face burns. "Don't tell me – Sasuke, it's – it's too early for that…"

"That's why I didn't want to say it." He looks like he's concentrating hard, refusing to let something escape. He swallows nervously. Our eyes meet for a brief second, in which I can tell he wishes he'd never thought it. Unable to hold his gaze, I turn away and scratch the back of my head. "Let's, uh, keep going."

He nods quickly.

I have to say I've never had this much stopping and starting happen on any walk I've ever taken. We must be stopping every hundred feet or something. The people around us must wonder what the hell is wrong with us…

Hoping we don't randomly stop again, I keep silent, instead looking around. Mizuhana Street is one of the main roads of Konoha, known for its numerous open-front shops and, in particular, their really nice displays. It's been a while since I came last. Usually when I'm here I'll check out the displays for entertainment and pick random shops to go into. For now, though, I think it's best to just look. So we continue in silence, and I just observe the intricate clothing, the flashy gadgets, the fresh food, and so on.

Suddenly Sasuke grabs my hand and tugs, prompting me to walk faster.

"Sasuke, what—"

"Later. Come on."

His tone is urgent, and I realize now that I should have noticed the increasing feeling of agitation nagging at my senses, which, as soon as he spoke, I knew was coming from him. Sasuke turns into an alleyway between two buildings, walking so fast that were he not holding onto me I wouldn't be able to keep up. He goes this way and that, turning as many corners as he can, leading me as though through a maze.

After at least three full minutes of winding, we stop in a narrow place between two buildings so tall that almost no light gets through. Sasuke presses a finger to his lips, perfectly still, listening, silencing his breathing. I try to stop my own panting from making any noise, ears open for any sound of movement. Then he relaxes, leaning back against the wall, closing his eyes and letting out a heavy sigh.

"What was all that about?" I ask instantly.

"Sorry," he says. "I… I saw my brother across the street."

"Itachi?"

He nods.

"Why were you so eager to get away?" I don't know much about Sasuke's brother – saw him once, and I know his name, but that's about it.

Sasuke grimaces. "You've heard of the Uchiha bankruptcy, haven't you?"

"Yeah…" It happened almost ten years ago, but I know no details – only that Sasuke's parents didn't come out alive.

"That was Itachi's fault."

"What?"

"It's… hard to explain. I don't know if I'm ready to tell anyone yet. I… Well, things happened, and… I don't know what Itachi would do if he saw me again. I guess I panicked." He sighs again. "Sorry for dragging you to… wherever we are."

"It's alright." Tentatively I reach for his hand, then gently grasp it. "You don't have to explain if it makes you uncomfortable. I know it isn't quite the same, but if I could escape from Kyuubi, god knows I would've done it already."

He looks reassured. "D'you want to… get out of here, then?"

I smile. "Sure. That is, if we can figure out how." I peer into the little light we have, trying to figure something out. "I've always had the worst sense of direction."

"I… wasn't actually paying attention to where I was going," Sasuke admits. "Either way, I can't see a thing. How many exits are there?"

"What, you can't even see that?" I point. "I think we came from there, and there's one going that way and one that turns to the left."

He looks all around. "Where?"

I frown. He can't even see where I'm pointing? "It may be dark, but it's not _that_ dark. I can at least tell where the walls are."

"Do you think it might be because of…" He pauses. "…Kyuubi?"

I cock my head at his hesitation. "Maybe. I don't really mind you talking about Kyuubi so long as you're not insulting me when you do it. Oh, wait, I've got an idea."

I pull out my iPod and unlock it. The screen lights up, throwing our faces into view. The sudden light makes my eyes itch; we've been in the dark so long that I've gotten used to it.

"Smart." Sasuke does the same, and we both shine our lights against the floor and walls, taking in the surroundings.

"Hang on, I can't tell where the light's coming from if we do this. Can you turn it off for a sec?"

The lights go out, but they've been burned into my eyes and it takes me a good minute to adjust again. I look around, then, still holding Sasuke's hand, make for where I think is brightest. I automatically step over a pile of cardboard, but Sasuke trips.

"Dobe, you're gonna have to tell me when there are things on the ground."

"Don't call me that, teme. Turn left here." I pull him in the right direction. At the next intersection I stop and look down the side paths before picking the lightest one.

A few minutes later, Sasuke asks, "Are you sure we're going the right way?"

"Of course not."

I can tell he's frowning behind me.

"It's not exactly a piece of cake," I argue. "We don't actually know how to get out – watch out, there's a garbage can here – so we're going to have to settle for the next best thing. I'm following the light. It's sensible enough, isn't it? Do you want to try instead?"

"…No. Sorry. I can see a little better now, though, so I guess we are getting somewhere."

"Mhmm." Though I'm not used to Sasuke being uncertain, it sort of soothes my masculinity to know that I'm the one leading us, that I'm the only one of us who can actually do something. I mean, this day hasn't exactly been the most manly of my life – in fact, quite the opposite: it's probably been the girliest. I guess you've got to consider something like that in a same-sex relationship. I figure I'm pretty guyish – and Sasuke's the girliest guy I ever met. If he put on a dress and did just a little acting, he could pass off for a girl. A really flat girl. And I hope no one makes the mistake of looking up the dress.

So why does it feel like I'm the one on the bottom in this relationship? How come Sasuke's always the one making me blush? I dunno much about gay relationships. I think Sakura's tried to tell me once or twice about some shounen-ai manga she read, but I never paid much attention. Oh, geez… what will Sakura say about us? Practically everything in our relationship screams weirdness. Sasuke's the one she loves; he's gay; I'm gay; we're gay for each other. I mean, just a week or so ago it was known throughout the school that we hated each other. It sort of died off after we stopped trying to tear out each other's throats, instead simply accepting the fact that we both existed. And now? Dating? Going out?

But are we really? I'm still not sure whether this is right. Part of me is still having doubts. I've had a great day and all, but mostly I'm doing what I do with the gang. Minus the hand-holding and awkward moments. I don't think I really love Sasuke just yet. I don't know. What if we're just friends? I could tolerate Sasuke becoming a part of our group. If he loves me like he says he does, though, it might be awkward… I don't know. I've never been in love before. What is it supposed to be like? What's a date like? What—

"Oi, dobe. We're out."

I stop and blink. We're not on Mizuhana Street, but we are at least on a street as opposed to between buildings. "So we are."

"Where'd you space out to? You were still leading us just fine."

"Hmm." I turn around and look into the alleyway out of which we just came. "I guess I got lost in my thoughts and the getting out went on autopilot."

"You can autopilot navigation?"

"I can now." I chuckle. Sasuke smiles.

"Wanna go somewhere else now?" I ask. "There's an underground entrance just over there."

"Sure." We head off. "Are you going to share the thoughts you had while 'on autopilot'?"

"Hmm… maybe later."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Promise?"

"Fucking pinkie swear."

We link our little fingers and shake. Then he slips his hand back into mine and smiles.

* * *

Whenever I've taken the subway in Japan, I've had to choose what station you want to get off at, but I think they have all-day tickets. I'm taking the concept of train-hopping from hearing my friends talk about bus-hopping; in our bus system you buy tickets and give them to the driver, who will give you a transfer that lets you travel on any bus on the system for about an hour and a half.

Mizuhana: mizu means water and hana means flower (or nose, depending). I just threw two words together and I'm probably abusing the grammar system.

The green tea shop that I mentioned is something I went to myself once in Japan. It was cool. I'm a green tea flavour addict :) Red bean flavouring is also common in Japan. It makes a sweet paste that's found in a lot of pastries. It might sound weird, but it's not at all – it's actually very good.

R+F


	10. Kyuubi Day

Welcome to the first double-digit chapter! I'm honestly astounded to have come this far. What happened to my idea of "Sasuke secretly loves Naruto, five chapters and it's over"? This story has become something really important to me. At the beginning it was just a side project I would come back to every so often. Now it's my main writing project. It's been a long time since I've gone a day without thinking about it (reminiscent of my own original story that's in a state of confused hiatus).

* * *

Though the train we take this time isn't completely full, there are more people on it than before. All the seats are taken, so we stand near the doors, holding on to the poles for balance.

"Oh my god," I hear a voice whisper somewhere nearby; I can't see the speaker from here, but it's a female voice. "Is that Uchiha Sasuke?"

"What? Where?" says another, also hushed. They're obviously trying not to be overheard, but I think they're putting too much trust in the rattling of the train and my ears are more sensitive than most…

There's a silence, in which I assume the first girl points at Sasuke. The second emits a high-pitched noise.

"It is! Oh wow, I rarely ever see him at school…"

"Isn't he so _hot_?"

I turn my head ever so slightly towards Sasuke. "Fangirl alert," I warn him, rather quieter than the girls are speaking. "Behind us. I can hear them."

He doesn't move, but something about his attitude changes, and I can tell he's listening. "Yeah, me too."

"I've never seen him outside school property," the first goes on. "To think we're on the same train as him…"

"Who's that guy next to him? Is he with him? If he wasn't he wouldn't be standing so close to him…"

"What, you don't know him? That's Uzumaki Naruto."

Their voices drop even lower, though still audible. "The Kyuubi?"

"Yeah. He's Sasuke-kun's roommate."

"I feel sorry for him… always being under Sasuke's shadow…"

"I feel sorry for _Sasuke-kun_. He has to live with that monster. I have no clue why Uzumaki is even here."

Sasuke's attitude shifts again, seemingly annoyed. I pull my hand out of my pocket and casually drop it, being sure to _accidentally_ brush against his. He takes the clue and reaches for my hand, taking it and squeezing it. Then he turns his head, smiles at me, and leans in to plant a small kiss on my cheek, which promptly begins to burn in embarrassment. The girls behind us have fallen silent. I can only assume they've left their jaws on the floor.

The train slows and we get out at the next station. As we round a corner I glance sideways to make sure they haven't followed us. Then I turn to Sasuke.

"Did you have to go that far?"

He smiles. "Hn. I could've given them a piece of my mind for calling you a monster, but I think they got the message."

"I think so." I spot a map close by. "D'you wanna try going somewhere this time?"

"Alright."

We approach the map.

"How about… here?" I point to a spot close to the water. "We can walk back to Konoha High along the river."

"Sounds good." We figure out the way back, then, passing a schedule, decide to check up on when the train comes. The clock above it reads 4:45.

"Already?"

"Time flies," says Sasuke with a smile. "The train's coming in two minutes. We'd better hurry."

We run and make it just in time. Taking the two seats in the corner, we catch our breath. The train heads out of the underground and into the city, and I watch the buildings and trees pass by.

At the next stop, a teenaged couple comes in. I watch them as they find seats, sitting close to each other. The girl leans against the boy, who puts an arm around her. They talk quietly, and though I can't understand them from here, the girl giggles from time to time and they seem to smile a lot at things the other says. After a while they just sit in silence, enjoying each other's company.

"What's on your mind?" Sasuke asks.

"Nothing much." I avert my eyes to the window above the couple. I can't compare my relationship with Sasuke to theirs. It's not the same, with one of them being a girl. Girls are different. I wouldn't do what she's doing in public, and I doubt Sasuke would. Besides, I think I'd be uncomfortable having him lean against me like that anyway. I don't know… it's just hard to know what to do or think. If I were going out with a girl, I'd at least have an idea of what should be going on.

"Are you still unsure about our relationship?"

I say nothing.

"Take your time. You don't have to decide today. I still think I can convince you."

"Hmm." Somehow his words comfort me.

I'm grateful when we begin to near our stop, because I can concentrate on listening for it over the announcements instead of having my mind wander to topics I don't know if I'm ready to face yet. The train drops us off at an above-ground station right next to the river.

As soon as we get out of the station, I run to the tree line, pick my way through the few metres of trees, and stop at the dirt path that runs along the river. I stare out at the sparkling, clear water.

Sasuke comes up from behind, puts an arm on my shoulder, and leans on me. "You would think you'd never seen a river before, Naruto."

"Shut up, teme. I like the river." I grin and twist out of the way, making him lose his balance. He grabs onto my arm to catch himself.

"Usuratonkachi."

"Heh." I lace my fingers together behind my head and start walking in the direction of Konoha High. Sasuke follows.

"You know it'll take us at least 45 minutes to walk back?" he says.

"Yeah, I know. We can get to the mall in time to have dinner. Or anywhere else near the school."

"You'll eat with me?"

"Sure."

I vaguely remember the notion of needing to be back before eight. I wonder why for a moment, then it comes to me.

"You're going to go find out what Shibuya Riku wants to tell you, right?"

"Hn…" Doesn't sound like he will.

"You should. It could be something completely different from what you're thinking. Either way, it's not nice to leave her waiting there for someone who'll never come."

"I never told her I would. What if I were busy?"

"But you're not. We'll be back in plenty of time. Just do it, alright? I don't see any reason not to."

"…Fine."

We both fall silent. I begin to feel awkward again, walking with someone but not saying anything. It's as though we're not actually together or something. Walking next to a stranger is awkward.

"Do you walk by the river often?" I ask.

"No, not really. When I do go out it's usually into the city."

"So what do you do when you get out?"

He shrugs. "Walk around, mostly. Just kill time."

"But don't you go anywhere? Doesn't walking get boring? I go to the arcade or the mall or the movies… Didn't I tell you all this already?"

"Yes," he laughs. "I'm not that good at video games, though. I walk in the mall sometimes."

"You're good at DDR."

"You saw how people reacted. I try not to draw attention to myself. It's more or less rare that I encounter someone from the school while I'm out, but on school grounds it gets annoying too. All in all it's easier just to stay in the dorm."

"You really don't like being popular, do you?"

"No, not really," he says with a bitter smile. "Popularity brings enemies as well. I might have been alright with it if it'd made you like me…"

My face heats up and I glance away. "If you wanted me to like you, you could have tried being nice to me. Making friends or something."

"I know…" He sighs. "I told you, it wasn't easy. Wouldn't you have been creeped out if I came across as though I loved you?"

"I guess so. But could it really have been that hard? Back when I had a crush on Sakura-chan, I could still talk to her like a friend."

"I'm not as good as you with people. I don't have any friends to compare."

"Sasuke… that's…"

"Pathetic, I know."

"No, that's not what I was going to say. Listen, I'll introduce you to the gang later," I tell him.

"They don't exactly seem to think too highly of me right now."

"Minds can change. Mine did, didn't it?"

"Did it?"

"I don't hate you anymore, at least."

He smiles. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I should be thanking you… It's all what you've done." I stare out at the running river. "You probably saved my life yesterday. And you've been really good to me today. I just… It's gonna take a while for this to settle in, you know?"

Sasuke nods. "I understand."

The sun comes out from behind a tree, making us squint. The sky is a brilliant shade of red.

"The day's almost over." A mixture of emotions swirls inside me. This day of the year already holds a lot of significance, even without the added events of today specifically.

"It is, isn't it? Hang on." The sound of Sasuke's footsteps stops. I stop as well and turn to see him reaching into his pocket. He pulls out his closed fist, then looks at me as though unsure of how to proceed.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Give me your hand."

I hold it out. He drops something into it that clinks metallically. A flash of golden yellow and one of bright sky blue glitter at me.

"Sasuke – These are—"

"Happy birthday, Naruto."

My head snaps up. "You knew?"

"I've always known, since our first year. All I could do that year was write 'happy birthday' on a piece of paper and put it in your mailbox."

"That was you? I remember that…"

"You seemed to really like those necklaces. I wanted it to be a surprise."

"It's—" I have no words. I look down again at the two pendants, the raven and the fox sitting next to each other as though meant to be. Then I look back up at Sasuke. Our eyes meet. Something clicks, and my heart swells, as though the empty space was suddenly filled in. Without thinking, I step forward, wrap my arms around him, and press my lips to his. After a moment his arms find their way around my waist.

My thoughts catch up with my actions, though, and I break the kiss, feeling a little embarrassed but not regretting it. I put our foreheads together, unable to help smiling.

"Thank you, Sasuke. For everything."

He smiles, a rare, genuine smile that makes my whole life worth it. "I love you, Naruto."

I falter. "I… I don't know if I can say that quite yet. But I think… I think I do like you, Sasuke."

He nods. "I couldn't ask for more."

Realizing the necklaces are still in my hand, I let go of Sasuke, somewhat glad to have a reason to part from him. I look at the pendants for a moment, then choose the raven and put it on. Then I turn to Sasuke and hold out the fox.

"You wear this one," I say.

He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

"You're the raven," I explain, "and I'm the fox. We'll remind ourselves of each other like this."

"That's… Naruto, you…"

"I want this to work, Sasuke. I want us to work out." I grin. I feel hopeful, optimistic.

I press the necklace into his hand, then let go. He puts it around his neck. The stone shines, and the look of it, of Sasuke wearing it, makes me smile.

"Come on." I hold out my hand, and he takes it.

* * *

Originally I had Japanese in this last dialogue, with Sasuke saying "aishiteru" (I love you) and Naruto replying with "daisuki" (I like you a lot). I'm not really fond of the idea of using that much Japanese in my stories anymore, so I've changed it. It's hard to get the same nuance, though: from what I've heard, the "ai" of "aishiteru" is a selfless love, whereas another variant, "koi," is more naïve and self-fulfilling. In Japan, "daisuki" is already a big deal, and many people will never say "aishiteru."

Wow, this date is really long… The first five chapters involved events that happened over a period of time, and I skipped over all the in-between stuff. I didn't skip over anything in the date, so it became just as long. It's an exploration of Sasuke and Naruto's relationship. There are some complex things going on in there. :P

Thanks for reading!

R+F


	11. Rumours

This time, when we walk in silence, it doesn't feel awkward. As though the last few minutes created a strong understanding between us, the silence now is comforting, like we don't _need_ to say anything. Our hands held together are the only link we need.

It's at least fifteen minutes later when the path begins to part with the river. We come to a stretch of sand.

"Ooh." I peer into the sand. "D'you think it's safe to walk in?"

"There could be broken glass," says Sasuke doubtfully.

"Hmm… There's a lifeguard chair and everything, though. It can't be that bad." Without further discussion I pull off my shoes and socks and make for the beach.

"And what am I going to do, keep walking on the path?" he calls.

"You could come join me. If you don't want to go barefoot, you can walk in your shoes."

He crosses his arms and stares at me. I stand, both sock-stuffed shoes in one hand, staring right back. Finally he gives up, sticks his thumbs in his pockets, and carefully treads over to where I am.

"Point for me," I grin as he takes my hand again and we continue.

"Oh, so we're counting now?"

"Yep."

"Do I get a point for telling off those fangirls without saying a word?"

"No, teme. It starts now."

"Dobe, that's not fair."

"Fine then. If you can catch me—" I start running "—you get a point!"

I can run pretty fast, but I know from gym class that Sasuke will always beat me in a sprint. (That's alright, though, because my endurance is way better than his.) The sand between my toes also makes it harder to run, while Sasuke is wearing running shoes. To top it all off, I step wrong and land on the side of my foot, a sharp pain racks my ankle, and I tumble to the ground with a yell.

"Naruto!" Out of the corner of my eye I see Sasuke speed up, sand spraying behind him. He practically skids to a halt next to me. "Are you okay?"

"Think so." I look at my ankle, checking for external damage, and find none. Upon rotating my foot, however, the pain returns. "Ouch. I think I twisted it."

"Usuratonkachi, be more careful!"

"Alright, alright. Geez, you're more worried than I am. You can still have that point if it makes you feel better." He laughs at this, and I raise a hand. "So, help me up?"

Sasuke stands up, then takes my hand and pulls me to my feet. When I'm sure my balance is alright, I tentatively put weight on the foot. My ankle protests painfully. "I can't walk like this."

"Here, let me help." He takes my arm and drapes it over his shoulders, his arm doing the same to me. With him supporting me, I can manage to half-hop, half-limp. It's not very fast, but at least it works.

"Are you sure it's not a sprain or a break?" he asks. His hand is warm on my shoulder.

"Yeah, it's fine. We shouldn't even have to splint it. The sand softened the blow."

"We could call a taxi."

"It's alright; we're almost there anyway."

By the time the sun goes down we can see the grounds, and my ankle doesn't feel so bad anymore. With each step I put a little more weight on it, and although it still hurts, it's only a bit.

Sasuke notices the change in my step. "How's it feeling?"

"Much better. I can walk now." I let go of Sasuke and try it out. "Can't put my full weight on it, but I can walk on my own."

"Seriously?" He sounds incredulous, as though what I'm saying and doing can't possibly be true.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well it's just… to go from being unable to move on your own to walking without help in about fifteen minutes… Isn't that a bit… unusual?"

"Remember the day you saw me at the movie theatre?"

He hesitates, then nods.

"I scraped my arm pretty badly. It was all better in two days." I lift the arm, showing him the place. "You might not believe me because it's not there, but there are about six people who could tell you otherwise."

"But I mean, Naruto… that's like… a superpower or something."

"Ha, yeah." I put a hand on my stomach. "I owe a lot to Kyuubi, really."

"That's Kyuubi's doing?"

"Yep. You know that old guy in the science department, with the long white hair? Jiraiya? For some reason he knows a bunch about Kyuubi. Apparently it speeds up my healing ability, enhances my senses, and gives me a nearly inexhaustible supply of energy." I grin cheekily. "That's why I always beat everyone at endurance running in gym."

"That's got to be cheating."

"It's not like I can help it."

"Anything you _can't_ do?"

"Hold my alcohol!" I scratch the back of my head. "Heh. Kyuubi's a weakling. I think I have to get him drunk before I can get drunk too, but still it doesn't take much longer than the rest of my friends. On the contrary, the healing prevents massive hangovers."

My stomach cuts in with a loud growl. "That wasn't Kyuubi."

Sasuke laughs and takes my hand. "I'm hungry too. Where do you want to go for dinner?"

"Hmm… Nothing beats a good bowl of ramen." I grin.

"Ramen. Is that all you eat?"

"I wish. Anyway, Teuchi's Treats makes _really_ good ramen. What do you say we track it down?"

He shrugs. "I'm game. It's your birthday, after all."

As we near the front entrance, some students come into view. I'm suddenly extremely aware of my hand still in Sasuke's.

"Uhm… Sasuke…"

"Hm?"

I gesture with the hand. He gets the message.

"Are you uncomfortable?"

"A little," I say in a small voice.

"It's okay." He lets go. My hand feels empty. I hook my thumbs into my pockets.

Some of the students seem to notice us. Several people whisper, then they all fall silent. They act casual, but their eyes flicker occasionally towards us. I notice several of Sasuke's admirers, among them Yamanaka Ino (I dunno why Sakura-chan's not with her – although I suppose they can't be together _all_ the time). They don't swarm him the way they usually do. As soon as we pass, the whispers start up again.

"What was that all about?" I mutter.

"I don't know. Can't say I didn't enjoy the lack of attention, though."

"But it's unusual. Even Ino didn't react."

"What, do you stalk the fan club?"

"I'm friends with Sakura-chan, who's friends with Ino, who's the _president_ of the fan club. It's practically her job to notice you, teme."

As we pass more students, every one of them looks at us. I get my fair share of stares as a Jinchuuriki, but a lot of people usually just ignore me.

"Is this normal for you, Sasuke?"

"No, there's definitely something weird going on around here."

After a bit of wandering in which we're both a bit weirded out by everyone around us, we finally find TT crawling along one of the paths. We wave down the truck.

"What kind of ramen do you like, Sasuke?" I ask as we near the side window.

"Miso, I guess."

"Awesome. Hey, old man Teuchi!"

"Hello, Naruto," he says. "You here for dinner?"

"Yep. Two large miso ramen, please!"

"Coming right up!"

Ayame, Teuchi's daughter and helper, comes to the window. She looks at me, then Sasuke, then back at me. "So are the rumours true?" she demands.

"Rumours?" Sasuke and I exchange looks.

"You haven't heard? It's all over the school!"

"Rumours are always all over the school. What's the word?"

"I didn't know whether to believe it when I heard it. You know how it is, the students will spread anything even if it's impossible. It's just the type that begs to be passed on. It's spread like wildfire."

"But what _is_ it?"

"Well, the word is that…" Ayame glances around, lowering her voice. "That you two are…" She sticks up her pinkie. "Are you?"

I blink a couple of times. "Who said that?"

"So it's not true?"

"Who started the rumour?" I insist.

"I don't know. They said a couple of girls saw you guys making out on the train."

"M-making out?" My face immediately burns as though suddenly lit on fire. "Fucking rumours! Always blowing everything up!"

Teuchi joins Ayame at the window holding two large Styrofoam bowls. "Blown up? What do you mean by that, Naruto?"

"It was just a small kiss," I mutter. "Not a fucking make-out session. And Sasuke-teme started it."

"So are you guys going out?" Ayame asks, sounding far too enthusiastic for the occasion.

"…Well… sorta. It's… yeah. Sorta." I put the money on the counter and take the ramen, grabbing two pairs of disposable chopsticks from a box as well. "Thanks, old man Teuchi. See ya."

I hand Sasuke his bowl and chopsticks and start off at a brisk pace, following a path but cutting corners through the grass.

"Oi, Naruto, not so fast."

Sasuke catches up and walks alongside me. I say nothing.

"Are you angry?" he asks quietly.

"Not at you." I sigh. "I hate rumours. Never, ever liked them, even when they were about someone else. Even when they're true. The stories always get exaggerated, if not mangled outright. I just think it would have been easier if people could find out when we got to class on Monday or something. I mean, for the news to get here even before we do… y'know? It just bothers me."

"Don't worry about it," Sasuke says quietly, comfortingly. "We'll show them the truth. Actions speak louder than words."

"What, because we're not making out between classes? Like that'll help," I say sarcastically, veering off the path and into the grass. "As long as we act nice towards each other everyone will assume the rumour was a hundred percent true. If we don't they would believe we broke up."

"Then we should clear it up for them. We'll tell people. You could tell Haruno, who would convince Yamanaka. That's already a lot of influence."

"Guess so." I stop in front of the tree I like. "Have you ever been this far out in the grounds, Sasuke?"

"No, it's too far from the buildings." He looks around.

"That's exactly why I come here." I sit down with my back to the trunk, under the shade of the yellowing leaves. "People rarely go this far. It's nothing special like a secret hideout or anything, so no one would make a point of coming. Anyway, there are no paths. This tree is perfect for sitting in, though."

At a silent prompt from my still-empty stomach, I begin eating. Sasuke sits and follows my lead. We don't talk for a few minutes as we quickly drain our bowls. When I finish, I set mine down and lay my chopsticks across it, then stand and climb up to the first branch.

"Come up here," I tell Sasuke. He finishes his ramen, then, with a bit of difficulty, manages to get to the branch. I move over a bit to make space for him. I enjoy the silence between us for a moment, then speak.

"So what are we going to do about… everything?"

"Do we have to do anything at all?"

"I just don't like the fact that people are believing things about us that aren't true."

I can feel Sasuke's eyes on me, as though he's trying to find some deeper meaning to my words.

"It doesn't matter what people believe," he says. His hand moves over to cover mine. "It doesn't matter what they think. Only what we feel."

"I'm still not sure what I feel," I say quietly.

"Don't worry about it." Sasuke smiles. "I'll wait for you."

I check my watch. "It's past seven. Where are you meeting Shibuya Riku again?"

"The dorm crossings." He still sounds reluctant to go.

"God, I'll go with you if you're gonna be that way about it."

"She'll probably want to talk to me alone."

"Then she shouldn't have picked the crossings. That's like choosing the cafeteria as a place to have a quiet nap."

"True."

We watch the stars come out in general silence for the next hour, occasionally speaking. It's different from when my friends and I just hang out and chat. There's a lot of good-natured insults being tossed back and forth, a lot of name-calling of "dobe" and "teme" and "usuratonkachi." There's also a lot of moments that make me distinctly aware of the fact that we're "together." It's a nice feeling. Eight o'clock eventually rolls around, not too quickly or too slowly, but at what seems like just the right time.

"We getting down, then?" Sasuke says.

"Yeah. Ladies first," I smirk, gesturing towards the ground.

"Usuratonkachi." He looks down. "So… how exactly _do_ you get down from here?"

"Hang off the branch and then just drop down. It's not that high."

"Dobe, we're at least five metres off the ground."

"So?"

"So that's not… _safe_." His tone tells me he finds the idea absurd, but something seems off, as though he lacks confidence in the emotion…

"Sasuke… Are you afraid of heights?"

He looks up at me so quickly I'm surprised he doesn't get a crick in his neck. "How…?"

"Just a guess," I offer. "Why?"

"It's… partly natural, partly because of something that happened before."

He doesn't want to talk about it. I drop the subject, knowing he'll tell me when he's ready. "So why are you up here if you're afraid?"

"I'm trying to get over it. It's not a phobia; I'm just not keen on the distance."

"Sounds good to me. Well, you'll be spending a lot of time in this tree with me, so expect more practice soon. 'Kay, I'll go first. You watch."

"Does that make you the lady then?" he smirks.

"Shut up, teme."

I manoeuvre myself so that I'm hanging off the branch, then let myself down, landing on all fours. I stand and look up at Sasuke.

"Come on," I call. "It's best to let your knees bend when you land. It sort of cushions the impact."

Sasuke reluctantly follows my lead. He stops when he's hanging, looking apprehensively at the space between his feet and the ground nearly three metres away. I don't fail to notice that in this position the hem of his shirt is lifted past his belly button.

"If you were any lower I'd poke you," I tell him, "right in the… pale, non-existent… god, Sasuke, how do you stay so _thin_?"

"High metabolism, low stomach capacity," he says shortly. "Care to lend a hand?"

"What, you want me to catch you?"

"Sure, whatever, just… do something."

"You're the one who has to let go," I reply.

"Alright, alright. Here goes." He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and lets go. Just managing to avoid getting kicked in the face, I catch him, but his momentum knocks me off balance and we fall over into the grass.

"Sorry," Sasuke says from above me. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Geez, you weigh _nothing_."

"Is that supposed to be good or bad?"

"Your call."

Sasuke makes to get up. "You've got to let go for me to get off."

I flush and quickly let go. "Sorry."

Once we're both up and dusted off, we make for the dorm crossings, hand in hand.

As we return to the lamp-lit paths and begin to encounter other students, I again notice the stares of incredulity. Sasuke and I ignore them, their whispering and pointing, the way they seem to be unsure of whether to skirt around us or get nearer. As unconcerned as we appear, though, I'm still not comfortable enough to speak freely to him with people around, and so we proceed in silence. As we near the crossing, I let go of his hand.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" I ask.

"If you want," he replies. "You know what I'll tell her."

"You don't know what she wants to see you for."

"Wanna bet?"

"…No."

He smirks. "That's what I thought."

I shrug. "I'll go ahead to the dorm, then, if you don't mind."

"Sure. I'll see you in a bit." He touches my hand lightly in parting and makes for a bench by the path. I set off in the direction of the dorm, then, when I'm satisfied that he can't see me anymore, dart off the path, out of the light of the lamps, and double back. Crouching some distance away behind the bench where Sasuke is sitting, I carefully creep closer until I can hear the voices of passing students. There's a lamp right above him; I can just see his face from this angle, but I can't risk getting any nearer. So I sit on my heels and wait in silence. He looks bored, watching the students that go by. Some of them steal glances of him as they pass. A couple of girls try to engage him in conversation, but he tells them that he's waiting for someone and proceeds to ignore them after that, so they leave, looking disappointed. Secretly I smile. Now _that_'s the Sasuke I know.

Shibuya Riku is a short girl, so I don't see her through the crowd until she's fairly close. When Sasuke notices her, he stands up. She stops about a metre away from him. They stand together under the lamplight, looking at each other in silence for so long that I can barely stop myself from jumping up and telling them to get on with it already.

"I'm glad you came," Shibuya finally says.

Sasuke barely acknowledges this. "What was it you wanted to meet me for?"

"Well… that is, I…" Her eyes dart left and right as though afraid to look at him. (Why would she be? He's hot. Some of the other guys – the jealous ones – call him eye candy. She likes him anyway, doesn't she?) Finally she settles for staring at the ground. "I was wondering… if you would… if you would go out with me."

What does any girl ever want to talk to Sasuke for? Honestly, you'd think he would have realized by now. You know, from firsthand experience?

"You haven't heard the rumour?" he asks.

At Sasuke's words I hold still, listening closely.

"No…" Shibuya sounds vaguely curious.

Sasuke, however, doesn't enlighten her. He slides his hands into his pockets and turns ever so slightly, as though his attention isn't focused entirely on her anymore.

"I can't go out with you."

Her face falls. "Oh."

As Sasuke makes to leave, she asks, "Why?"

He stops, then turns back to her. He smiles – a brilliant, beautiful smile.

"I'm already in love with somebody."

He practically floats away. I swear there are sparkles trailing off of him.

Shibuya Riku watches him go, her expression half disappointment, half wonder. Then, as though the whole thing's just come crashing down on her, she slumps down onto the bench. I vaguely entertain the notion of going to talk to her, but then I realize I'm supposed to be in the dorm waiting for Sasuke. Crap.

I take off, running as fast as I can in the darkness, silently thanking Kyuubi for my enhanced vision. The dorm is at least a minute away walking, and Sasuke seems to be taking his time. I vault to the entrance of our building, wrench the door open, and take the stairs two at a time, reaching into my pocket for my keys on the way. At our door I jam the key into the lock, tumble inside, and shut the door behind me. If he comes in and I'm still breathing heavily, I can pretend I'm using the bathroom until I catch my breath.

Actually, I do need to use the bathroom.

I'm washing my hands when I hear the door open, then close. I make sure my breathing is normal and I don't look too dishevelled before I go back.

"Hey," I say with a grin.

Sasuke smiles at me. "Hello." He kisses me on the cheek, then sits on his bed, patting the space beside him. I sit, then lie back, hands under my head.

"So?" I ask, as though I was never there. "How'd it go?"

"She asked me out."

"Go figure."

"You were the one who was maintaining that she had some other motive."

"Because you wouldn't go see her otherwise," I retort.

"Anyway, I told her I was already seeing someone."

"Is that all?"

"Hn."

"How often do you get asked out?"

"In person? Typically once a week. Most have learned to stay away from me, but I guess some will take a stab at it anyway."

"You're always so distant from everyone. They figure it can't hurt their chances, because if you were mean then it would be all over the school and nobody would bother anymore, except for the ones who don't care what people act like so long as they're hot."

He smirks. "You think I'm hot?"

"It's practically a fact," I mutter, turning away to hide my blush. I roll over and get up.

"Naruto?"

I turn to see him smiling at me, that same smile he had when he'd told Shibuya Riku he was in love. I can't help melting a little inside.

"What?" I ask quietly.

"I had a good day today."

He puts a hand over mine. I glance down at it, then back up into his face.

"So did I," I murmur. "Thank you, Sasuke."

I find myself subconsciously leaning closer. I pause, uncertain, but Sasuke's eyes tell me to trust, to believe, to leap. So I close the distance and kiss his lips, and I feel his fingers lace through mine.

* * *

Three notes:

1. My friend told me that ankle-turning is a tad cliché. I'm not really a fan of bad clichés, but I tend to use them often anyway… In my first version of the scene, Naruto cuts his foot on a piece of broken glass. This would have been fine, but Sasuke is a worrywart and insisted Naruto go to the hospital to check for nasty diseases, and that ruined the mood. So ankle-turning it is.

2. Ayame sticks up her pinkie finger when she asks Naruto and Sasuke if the rumour is true. In Japan this is a hand sign that means girlfriend or boyfriend.

3. I have changed the ending of this chapter slightly since its initial publishing. This is because the old version was just too plain. I find this about a lot of my writing back then, but I'm only changing things here and there.

R+F


	12. True Friends

Man, you will _not_ believe the number of times I rewrote this stupid chapter. I'm glad I did, though, because without the conflict it wouldn't have been nearly as interesting.

* * *

In the morning, Sasuke and I head for the cafeteria for breakfast together. Having the majority of the people in the room stare at us is extremely nerve-racking, especially considering the cafeteria is a really big room and this is about the time most people eat. I try to ignore all the eyes upon us and focus on my food, but it's not that easy. Sasuke across from me, on the other hand, looks completely comfortable, as though he were alone at home. I don't know how he does it.

"Sasuke," I mutter under my breath.

"Hm?"

"Everyone's staring."

"Mm."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"It does, but I'm so used to it that I can pretend it doesn't."

I sigh and stare at the remaining half of my sandwich. It doesn't really appeal to me anymore. I put it down, then push my tray back so I can cross my arms on the table and rest my chin on them.

"Does it bug you that much?" asks Sasuke, sounding concerned.

"It shouldn't," I say, half to myself. "I'm used to being stared at, and with worse intentions than this. But it's not really the same. All this attention… How can you stand it?"

My words remind me of when I realized how little Sasuke enjoyed being popular. Before I knew him, I thought he liked it and was just pretending he didn't care because the fangirls thought that was cool. But all the staring, all the whispering…

I expect him to bring up that conversation, but he doesn't. "To be honest," he says, "I don't really notice it anymore. I used to be able to feel eyes on me, but now if I don't see them staring then I won't know."

"I don't think I'll ever lose the ability." I sigh. "D'you wanna get out of here?"

"Sure."

Even as we leave the caf, heads turn and whispers rise around us. A few people follow us out. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I wonder if they're actually _following_ us, not just going in our direction. They certainly seem to be talking about us. When they realize that we're heading back to our dorm, they veer off in another direction, but I see them heading back the way we came. I sigh again. Sasuke smiles at me and takes my hand. Despite the fact that this reminds me of the reason we're suddenly the centre of attention, it does make me feel better. I smile back.

As soon as I step inside our dorm building, I get a half-second of warning in the form of someone shouting "NARUTO!" before I'm almost bowled over by Kiba speeding down the hall. I manage to flatten myself against the wall just as he shoots past. Looking in the direction from which he came, I spot Neji, Sai, Gaara, and Shikamaru, who haven't bothered to run. (I'm not surprised – they hardly ever join in when Kiba and I are hyper.) Sasuke, who was smart enough not to go through the door when Kiba shouted, enters, and all heads snap towards him.

"Naruto!" Kiba repeats, quickly coming back to us. "What the fuck is going on? Why are you – how did – _what_—?"

"Calm down, Kiba," I say quickly. "Why are you so worked up?"

"Why am I – Naruto, the whole school is saying that you're _gay_ for _Uchiha Sasuke_!"

My cheeks flush in defiance at his words. "You don't have to say it like that, bastard. And in case you haven't noticed, Sasuke's _right next to you_."

"I'll leave you to it, then," Sasuke says. Alarmed, I turn to look at him, but before I can say a word, he puts a hand on my shoulder and kisses me lightly on the cheek. "I'll catch you later, alright?" And he proceeds up the stairs to our dorm, totally ignoring the fact that he just turned my face the colour of a tomato in front of all my friends. Belatedly I think of shouting, "That's not what I meant!", but then I realize it's way too late for that.

No one says a word until the sound of Sasuke's footsteps has died. Then, without warning, Kiba punches me in the face.

"Kiba—!" I shout, but he wrenches open the door next to me and storms out.

Only when the door shuts does my cheek begin to sting, but it's not the physical pain that hurts me so much as the impact of Kiba's reaction. I stare out the glass door, at the empty path in front of it, trying to figure out what went wrong.

I jump at a touch on my shoulder. Whipping around, I find Gaara standing close by with a worried expression on his face. I glance at the others, who look, while not as stunned as I feel, at least partly so. I manage to clear my head enough to form half a question.

"…Why is Kiba so…?"

Gaara frowns. "He… hasn't been taking this well."

"Taking…? What, that I'm going out with Sasuke?"

Gaara doesn't seem to be able to explain, but Shikamaru says, "It's not that simple. Kiba can't understand the idea that you're gay, not to mention that it's with Uchiha Sasuke, the person you used to hate the most."

"But why?" I ask, uncomprehending. "What about you guys? You can understand it?"

"Honestly, it bothers me too," Shikamaru admits. "But Kiba's not the type of guy who thinks it over. You're his best friend, Naruto. He can't grasp such a sudden and drastic change."

"_He_ can't grasp it? What about me? Was I supposed to predict this? How was I supposed to know he would react like that?"

"Let him be," Neji says calmly. "Give him time to think about it, and then we'll talk to him again."

My mind searches for an excuse not to do this, to keep arguing, but finds none. I sigh. "Okay. So… no one else is going to freak out on me, right?"

Their faces tell me that they might be thinking along the same lines as Kiba, but that they will hear me out before acting. That's good enough for me.

"Good," I say, relieved. "So d'you wanna just hang out for the day? At the tree or something?"

—

"How did it happen?"

I let my head fall back against the trunk of the tree and sigh inwardly. I knew it was going to come up again. I can't see Gaara from here, but he speaks carefully. Neji, the only other person I can see, glances at me. I avoid his eyes, my fingers tracing the patterns in the branch I'm sitting on, if only for something to do.

"I… don't really want to talk about it."

"Oh." Gaara falls silent, but he sounds disappointed. Neji looks pointedly at me, but I ignore him.

"But it makes no sense," Shikamaru says. "You never told us – I mean, how do you go from – We don't…"

Somehow his inarticulacy offends me. Shikamaru's never had problems communicating his thoughts, so for him to correct himself like this now makes me feel as though he's thinking something he doesn't want to tell me. Half out of spite and half because it's the truth, I repeat, "I said I don't want to talk about it."

"Naruto, you can't just…" He trails off and falls silent. Part of me feels vindicated. The other, smaller part feels guilty.

No one speaks for a while after that. I try to clear my mind, or divert my thoughts, but all I can think about is how my friends feel about all of this. And that I don't know. The little bit of guilt in my mind grows, but I try to beat it down. I wonder what Sasuke is doing right now. When it comes to that, what does he do to pass time anyway? As far as I've seen (that is, when we're in the dorm at the same time), he reads a lot, listens to music sometimes (I don't know what music, though, since he always uses his earphones), and does stuff at his computer. Mostly we stayed out of each other's business. I like my music loud, but he would probably have made fun of me if I played it on my speakers, so I used my headphones whenever he was around. Now that I think about it, I've always been sort of lonely in the dorm. I guess I refused to acknowledge it because the solution would be to talk to Sasuke, which was out of the question. Man, now I remember why I hated that bastard.

Just as I realize that my thoughts have been successfully diverted, they spin right back to the first problem. I sigh and give in.

"What do you want to know?"

I judge the others' reactions by Neji's – though he only turns his head slightly to focus his attention on me, I can guess that the others would have similar, maybe more pronounced reactions.

"You'll tell us?" Gaara says hopefully.

Slowly I reply, "You deserve it. I shouldn't be keeping things like this from my friends."

Neji gives me a small, approving smile and nods at me. I smile back.

"So, what do you want to know?" I repeat.

"How it happened," Shikamaru says immediately. "Tell us the whole story."

"I don't know if I can tell you absolutely everything, but I'll say what I can." I cast my memory back to the night before last. Was it really only two days ago? "You know the letters I got every day, from that anonymous writer?"

Shikamaru's the first one to put two and two together. "Don't tell me—"

Gaara gasps. "Those were from Uchiha?"

"Yeah."

"That's…" Shikamaru seems too stunned for words. "But… that's not like Uchiha at all. We've seen those letters. They were… _girly_."

"Would you take it seriously if it sounded like a guy? I would have thought it was some lame-ass prank. I did, when I found out."

"How did you…?"

"Well, Friday afternoon after the movie, we came back to the dorms, right? So I open the door to mine and I hear the sound of crinkling paper. There he is, stuffing away the letter. You know what they're like, always folded exactly in three, and with that little sun sticker on them. There was no mistaking it."

The silence is heavy. Though they can't possibly know the full extent of the emotions I felt when it happened, I know they can imagine the scene.

"What did you do?" Gaara asks.

"Ripped it out of his hands, stared at it, yelled at him, broke down, ran outside."

"Wasn't it hailing?" says Neji. "You ran out into the rain and hail?"

"I wasn't thinking," I say a little defensively. "Anyway, at first I would rather have been out in the freezing cold than in there with him. You don't really understand. I'd put so much hope on this anonymous person. For it to be the one person I hated with all my being…" I shake my head. "I feel emotions more strongly than you guys. I doubt even Kiba would understand."

"We're trying, Naruto," says Gaara.

"I know. Thanks." I look up to the sky, trying to repel the prickling feeling at the corners of my eyes. It's gonna take Sasuke a lot to make up for that night. "Well, I passed out from the cold. When I woke up I was lying in Sasuke's bed."

"Wait, what?" Shikamaru says, alarmed.

I can't help but laugh at his reaction. "Calm down. He told me he found me outside and brought me back in. He said I had hypothermia."

"Hypo – my god, Naruto."

"It was mild," I retort. "I was fine by morning."

"You would be. But still, you can't just recklessly throw yourself outside. What would you have done if he didn't come out and save you?"

"Frozen to death, I dunno," I say with a shrug. "I didn't care much at the moment."

"You would honestly have let yourself die?"

"It's not that simple," I argue. "I don't know. Yesterday was a long day, and my emotions have changed. Look at me, going on about emotions and shit like that. Is that normal when you're in a relationship?"

"How would any of us know?" says Shikamaru, and I can tell from his tone that he's rolling his eyes.

"Naruto," says Gaara, "are you sure this isn't just… you know, a phase or something? I mean… you've always been straight… right?"

"Yes," I say firmly, nodding even though they can't see me. "Well I mean, I can tell when a guy's good-looking, and, well… I was never as fond of the types of girls most guys would like, I guess, but… I've had crushes on girls and never on guys. Isn't that enough evidence?"

"Would you have had a crush on Uchiha if he hadn't treated you so badly?" Neji asks.

"…I dunno. I mean, I'd like to think I like a person for their personality as well as their looks. I don't know what Sasuke's personality was like back then. I don't really know what it's like now, besides the fact that he really, sincerely seems to love me." My cheeks flush as I say it. This must be one of the most awkward conversations I've ever had. "I guess, after he rescued me from the cold and we talked a bit, he managed to convince me that his letters were true."

"And so he asked you out," Shikamaru concludes.

"No, actually, that was me. I wanted to know what it was like, to be loved by someone. I figured I may as well give him the chance. I mean, if he kept insulting me after that, I could punch him…" And then what? Avoid him, when he lives in the same room as me? I shrug. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Well obviously the date went well, since he came back intact and you guys are still acting like you're going out."

"We are."

"Why? What made you change your mind? I mean, you hated his guts, that's no secret."

"I don't really know either. But… all throughout the day, he kept doing things for _me_. It just… made me feel like someone cared, for once in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know you guys care, but it's not the same kind of love. It's like he was willing to give everything. How can you not be attracted to that?"

"What about him, though?" Gaara puts in. "Why did he hate you, then love you?"

"He didn't. He pretended like he hated me. He said it was because he didn't want to act as though he loved me because that would be weird, but he didn't know how to act normally around me. So he pushed me away. But then he started writing those letters to me. I think he knew how much I treasured them."

It's liberating, in a way, to be able to say all of this. It's a load off my shoulders, and I know I can trust my friends.

"So… are you definitely… gay?" Shikamaru asks, sounding almost afraid to say the word.

I shrug. "I don't know. I don't think it's so much that I'm gay as it's that I'm with Sasuke. Maybe he's an exception. Does it matter what gender he is?"

He says nothing for a moment, then sighs. "I guess I'm more prejudiced than I thought."

"I understand," I say quietly. "I was thinking about it all yesterday. It's hard, though, because it's not just about the prejudice in this case." I frown. "Is Kiba mad because of the prejudice, or because it's Sasuke?"

"Both, I think," Neji says. "It's a lot to take in."

"Tell me about it," I say sarcastically. "Why is he being like this, though? None of you reacted like he did."

He thinks for a moment. "You know Kanta, that cat guy in Japanese class?"

"Yeah. Kiba hates him."

"Exactly. Before yesterday, what would you have done if he and Kiba suddenly started going out?"

"I'd…" But I know what he's getting at. I would have acted exactly the same way as Kiba did. Granted, I might punch Kanta instead, but I'd have thought Kiba was a queer, shouted at him for breaking some sort of bond or trust or something I'd thought we'd had, and refuse to talk to him again for a really long time, if ever.

"You see?"

"I guess… but that still doesn't explain why he did what he did and you didn't."

"You and Kiba are very similar," says Shikamaru. "The bond between you two is closer than the rest of us; I'm sure everyone agrees. And that's fine with us, but you can't really compare."

"Okay, but then how am I supposed to make up with Kiba? I'm not going to stop going out with Sasuke for Kiba's sake." Actually it sounds sort of awful when I say it like that. I've known Kiba for a lot longer, and all things considered he's more important to me than Sasuke.

"You don't have to. Kiba will come back on his own. If he doesn't, maybe he's not a good enough friend."

"It's not really a very nice thing to say," Gaara says, "but he's right. Friends shouldn't break up for things like this. It's up to Kiba to come to you."

"Yeah. Thanks, guys. Hey, Sai? You still awake over there? You've been pretty quiet."

"I'm just thinking," comes the reply.

"Hopefully not of punching me and storming off, right?" I chuckle. "Care to share your thoughts?"

"No, I definitely wouldn't do that."

"So what is it, then?"

"…Nothing important."

"That's the worst possible excuse not to tell something. If it's not important, then obviously it won't matter if you say it, _right_?"

He laughs. "You got me there."

"So?"

"I'm not saying."

I roll my eyes. "Why not?"

"It would make things… awkward."

I turn my head so fast that I nearly crick my neck. Leaning over, trying not to fall off the branch, I manage to get a glimpse of Sai. He sees me, and puts on that smile, the one he always uses. But I know him better than that; it's not a true smile. I know what those look like.

"Since when have you known the definition of _awkward_?"

"Don't worry about it," says Sai. "It's not something you should be concerned about."

"Sai—" I start.

"Naruto?"

This time when I turn my head, I _do_ crick my neck. Cringing and holding the back of my head, I look to the ground, where the voice came from. My eyes widen, and I jump so much that I lose my balance on the tree. My heart jumps into my mouth and I cry out. I fall into a body, and we both crash to the ground.

"Man, you're such an idiot."

"Kiba!" I turn around to face him.

"Ow! That's my stomach you're digging your knee into," he barks. "C'mon, get offa me already."

Suddenly aware of our positions, I jump off him. "Sorry."

" 'S'okay," he says, sitting up. He looks at me, and I look at him, and then we both burst out laughing. It takes a long time to stop, and then we sit there grinning at each other.

Kiba's grin fades a little. "Look, Naruto. Sorry about… about this morning. I overreacted."

At this I also stop smiling. "…Yeah, you did. But I forgive you."

"Thanks," he says. "That's great and all, but… I need some explanations, y'know?"

"If you'd heard me out in the first place—"

"I know, I _know_," he says, obviously pained but not wanting to think about it anymore. "I'm an idiot, okay?"

"Just like me, huh?" I say, grinning again. "Just a couple of idiots."

"Heh, yeah." We press our fists together. Just like before.

—

"…so I told him to take me out on a date, and went to bed," I conclude, pushing open the door to the dorm building. The others follow behind us.

Kiba gives a low whistle. "That's… wow." He shakes his head, apparently lost for words.

"Yeah. It was a bit… overwhelming."

"Now I feel like a total bastard for this morning," he says, scratching the back of his head and looking away. "Can I make it up to you?"

"All I want is for you to accept it," I say, "to not discriminate."

He nods, then says jokingly, "Well, I guess you won't be getting those letters anymore."

I smile. "Yeah, but it's worth it."

"For Sasuke to have written them, though… he's either way different from what any of us thought, or he's a damn good writer. I thought at first that it was Hinata."

"Huh… yeah, that does sound like her. Why would she, though? I hardly even know her."

"Clueless," says Shikamaru exasperatedly. "Completely clueless."

"What?" I ask, turning to look accusingly at him.

"Hinata's had a crush on you since forever," says Gaara.

I stare. "Really?"

He just rolls his eyes, sighing. No one else seems to find this new.

"Well how was I supposed to know?"

"Dunno," says Kiba in mock uncertainty, "maybe the way she _fainted_ every time she tried to talk to you?"

"I just thought she was really weird," I frown.

"_So_ clueless."

"Stop calling me that!"

"Well it's true, dobe."

I turn around to see Sasuke closing the door of our dorm behind him. He smiles at me. The others are stunned – after all, Sasuke never smiles.

"And you, teme, stop calling me dobe," I snap.

"Why, when it's true too?" He approaches, then he seems to notice something and frowns. "Naruto, did someone…?" He raises a hand to the bruise on my cheek, which promptly burns under his fingers. I tilt my head away from his touch.

"I'm fine," I say. "It'll be gone by tomorrow, you know that."

"Who did it?"

"I told you, it's fine—"

"I did."

We both turn to Kiba. He looks guilty but defiant. Sasuke's eyes flash angrily.

"Inuzuka? I thought you were his _friend_," he spits, emphasizing the last word.

Kiba is visibly stung by this. "Yeah, more than you; you fucking insulted him every chance you got," he snaps.

Sasuke flinches; I see the pain in his eyes. "You—"

"Stop," I say firmly, stepping in between them. "You're fighting over… over _me_. I'm not worth that much."

"Yes you are," they both say instantly.

"No. I will _not_ let my friends beat each other up over _me_. Sasuke, Kiba and I have sorted it out. I forgave him, and everything is fine. Kiba. Yes, Sasuke insulted me. Yes, he hurt me. And I'm still healing—" I sense Sasuke's pain strengthen at my words "—but I forgave him too, and I believe in his love. Both of you did stupid things, but I still forgave both of you. And if you think I'm worth that much, you'd better think my forgiveness is worth something."

When I'm satisfied that they won't argue anymore, I step back again. "Now shake hands and introduce yourselves properly."

Sasuke's the first to put out his hand, and after a short moment Kiba takes it.

"Uchiha Sasuke. Nice to meet you. Sorry."

"Inuzuka Kiba. Likewise. It's okay, and I apologize too."

"Apology accepted."

Satisfied, I introduce the others to Sasuke. They aren't nearly as hostile or even wary as Kiba, and they're all friendly enough. Sasuke returns the courtesy.

"So," I say in the silence that follows, "who's up for some sushi?"


	13. Cherry Blossoms and Dominance

Dinner, thankfully, passes without any problems. I don't know if I can stand anything else. Sasuke and the others get along well enough. He and Kiba are a little too polite towards each other, but I suppose I can't really ask for much more. After eating, we all head back to our respective dorms. I notice that Kiba, who parts with me and Sasuke last, doesn't say goodbye to him. Sasuke ignores this. I unlock our door and we head inside.

"It's still pretty early," I say, glancing at the clock on my nightstand. "Uh… what do you want to do?"

I mean, what do people do when they're alone together in a dorm? Alone, together… My cheeks burn at the immediate first thought, and I quickly divert my mind. What do _I_ do when I'm alone? Well, I usually listen to music or do something on the computer, or both. Sometimes I read, and sometimes I talk to my friends on the phone, and sometimes I just sleep. It's sometimes hard to get a lot of free time because of all the homework we—

"Oh shit, I haven't done any homework yet," I say.

"I finished mine on Friday," says Sasuke.

"At least it's not due until Tuesday…" Already I'm thinking of leaving it for tomorrow.

"You should do it now. We have been hanging out all weekend, after all."

"Since when did you become my mother, teme? Well, if you're so sure, then help me with it."

He shrugs. "Sure."

He brings his chair over to my desk while I get out my stuff. For the next two hours we work away at my homework; or rather, I work and Sasuke helps. He refuses to tell me the answers, saying (like Neji would) that I should learn the stuff by figuring it out on my own. I call him a nerd. He says he'd rather be a nerd if it means he'll get better marks.

When I finally finish, I pack up my things for tomorrow and head for the shower. Normally I take a fairly long time to shower, since I would spend as much time as possible away from Sasuke, but today I don't linger under the warm water for too long.

When I get out, Sasuke, who was lying on his bed listening to music and apparently waiting for me to finish, gets up and comes over. To my surprise, he takes my face in between his hands and kisses me, brushing his thumbs over the scars on my cheeks. I drop the used clothes in my hands when one of his hands snakes back to my neck, and before long I find myself melting in the feeling, melting into him. I put my arms around him, threading my fingers into his hair to pull him closer.

Finally we part, and I open my eyes (although I don't remember closing them), breathless, smiling uncontrollably. He gently touches the middle of my palm with his fingertips, then kisses me on the cheek before gathering his own things and entering the bathroom.

After throwing my clothes into the laundry basket, I flop down on my bed, feeling dazed, the sensations from the kiss still running all throughout my body. My palm is still tingling from his touch. I close my fingers as though I could capture it and keep it forever. I lick my lips to find a strange taste there, something sweet and minty that seems familiar. It's almost addicting. I close my eyes, reliving the moment. A soothing freshness dominates my dream that night.

—

I'm awakened in the morning by soft lips against mine. I open my eyes to see Sasuke leaning over me, smiling.

"Rise and shine, Naruto," he says.

I rub my eyes and yawn, stretching, before sitting up. "G'morning, Sasuke." I smile back and kiss him quickly, then proceed to prepare for the day. After putting my shoes on and slinging my bag over my back, I hold my hand out to Sasuke, and he takes it.

I sigh and resign myself. "We're gonna have to face the school today. Are you ready?"

"I can do it as long as you're with me."

"You're so sappy." I smile. "Let's go."

As soon as we step inside the cafeteria, a girl I don't know comes up to us.

"Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke looks at her, making no indication of ever having met her either. "Hn?"

"I heard the rumour this morning, Sasuke-kun," she says. "So it's true that you're… going out with… Uzumaki Naruto?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm right here," I mutter darkly. She ignores me completely.

Sasuke, however, speaks in my defence. "It's rude of you to talk as though he's not here. He is as much a person as you or me."

She seems taken aback by Sasuke's words. "But – but I mean… You do know that he's…" She leans in and whispers something. Sasuke's eyes flash dangerously.

"I'm fully aware," he says, voice suddenly cold. "It changes nothing." He turns away from her as though finalizing the matter.

She ventures a "But…", but Sasuke glares at her so menacingly that she squeaks and retreats.

"Come on, Naruto."

I follow him to get food, feeling almost afraid of the aura of authority he emits. I'm the kind of person who would do something like that, to get up in someone's face if they insulted me and not care whether or not the rest of the _world_ was watching. But as far as I've seen of Sasuke, he's never struck me as the type. He's good at subtle snubbing, able to put people out indirectly but effectively.

"Sasuke… You don't have to be _mean_ to her…"

"I'll treat anyone how they treat you," he states. "Do you get this all the time?"

"Well…" I look away. "A lot of people stay away from me, but I get insults fairly often. People pull pranks on my desk and stuff like that. Remember that dead fish I got in science once? You commented on it. Man, you really were a bastard to me."

"Sorry," he says, and the guilt in his voice makes me turn back to look at him.

"It's – it's okay," I say quickly. "Don't beat yourself up over it. Anyway, I doubt anyone will even look at me the wrong way now after how you told that girl off."

After breakfast, with a little time still to spare before class, we decide to walk around. Most students are at breakfast, and so we're in relative privacy. Neither of us speaks; we just hold hands and walk, and I feel peaceful. Maybe this is what it is to be dating.

"Naruto!"

Shit.

"Sakura-chan," I watch as she approaches, not knowing where to begin. I let her speak first.

"I – was away on the weekend," she says slowly. "I got back late last night, and… Naruto, the rumours!" She glances almost fearfully at Sasuke before turning back to me. "I heard the whole story from Gaara at breakfast. Naruto, I… I don't know what to say…"

I bite my lip worriedly. I knew this was going to happen, but I didn't think about the resolution. It's one thing to have your best friend start dating the person you like, but having them be gay is something else entirely, and just complicates the whole situation. At least if it had been Ino she could have slapped her and done the sort of thing girls do.

"I… don't know either, Sakura-chan. I'm… sorry."

She shakes her head, although tears start to form in her eyes. "What are you apologizing for?"

I don't know how to put it. Because I know she loved Sasuke, and I took him from her? But I didn't. Sasuke was the one who made the first move.

"Sakura."

Her head snaps to look at Sasuke when he speaks.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing," he says. "I should have talked to you. I… was inconsiderate of your feelings. It's not that I forgot you, or didn't like you, or wasn't aware about how you felt. But… I fell in love with Naruto."

Her eyes widen at this, and her gaze flickers to me for a split second. My face heats up.

"You hurt him," she said quietly.

"I know. I can never make up for that."

"Sasuke, I've already forgiven you," I put in. "It's in the past. I'm all for moving on." I make a mental note never to mention it again. You would think he was the one who got insulted with the way he reacts to the memory.

Sakura-chan seems to consider for a long moment, looking Sasuke in the eyes, as though trying to see the truth. Finally she says to him, "Take good care of Naruto."

He nods. "I will."

"You'd better, or I'll punch you through the roof."

"She's not exaggerating," I mutter to him. She smiles a little at this. "You sure you're okay, Sakura-chan? I mean…"

"I – I think so," she says, voice trembling. "I just… I just…"

I gently extend a hand to her, and then she throws her arms around me, crying, clinging to me. I hug her tightly, trying to let her know I'm there for her. She buries her face in my shoulder. Sasuke gently taps me on the back and motions. I give him a small nod and he leaves silently.

Sakura-chan calms down after a few minutes. She makes no move to let go, though, so neither do I. Eventually she speaks.

"I don't know what to do," she says quietly. "I love him so much, but you're my closest friend, Naruto, and I know you're not doing this to hurt anyone. I just want to be happy for you, but my own feelings are in the way…"

"Don't cast off your own feelings," I tell her. "They're the most important."

She shakes her head and releases herself from the hug. Her eyes are slightly red from crying. She takes my hands, looking me in the eye. "No. You should be with him. You deserve someone to love you more than anyone." She smiles. "I really am happy for you, Naruto."

"Thanks so much, Sakura-chan," I say, smiling back.

She notices the chain around my neck. "Are you wearing a necklace? You don't usually wear jewellery, do you?"

"Huh?" I pull the pendant out from under my shirt. The metal is warm from my body heat. Sakura takes it and looks closely, feeling the engravings, watching the stone change colour. "Yeah. Sasuke got it for me on our date."

"A birthday present?"

I nod.

"It's beautiful."

"He got this plus another one of a fox. He's wearing that one."

"Aww, that's so sweet! Who thought that up?"

I blush. "Me."

"Oh, Naruto," she says, "you're so sentimental."

I roll my eyes, but can't stop the smile on my face. Just then the bell echoes through the grounds, so we start making our way to class.

"So how did your date go?" she asks.

I shrug. "Pretty well, I guess. I've never been on a date before, so I wasn't sure what to expect. We had a round of laser tag, then went to the market – that's where the necklaces came from – then we went train hopping and walked back along the river. Nothing special, really."

"Aw, come on, no juicy details? Kissing, holding hands?"

"Oh yeah, you read that shounen-ai stuff, don't you?" I say. "Well, yeah, there were moments like that, but… I dunno, it's not that interesting."

"You're just trying to avoid telling me," she taunts.

"And what if I am?"

She laughs. "Fine, I'll let you go on that one if you tell me one thing."

"Do I even have a choice?"

"Of course not. So tell me, who's seme and who's uke?"

I blink at her. "What? 'Attacker'? 'Receiver'?"

"Come on, Naruto, I've told you about this! In shounen-ai pairings, there is always a dominant person, called the seme, and a submissive one, the uke. It's like being the boy or the girl in the relationship."

"But neither of us is a girl," I say. "I mean, Sasuke's girly as hell, but it's not like either of us is more 'dominant' than the other."

"Oh, you're just saying that because you're the uke, aren't you?"

"No I'm not! I'm not the uke, and I'm not saying it because I am."

"I would never have expected you to be the submissive type, Naruto," she continues, oblivious to my explanation, "but I guess that compared to Sasuke-kun you would have to be."

"No way am I inferior to Sasuke-teme!" I say defiantly. "I'll show you. I'll show him, too. No way am I uke."

She smiles as though she knows something I don't and says no more. I cross my arms with a humph and turn away. In retrospect, she was probably goading me into this, but I don't care. If one of us has to be uke, it sure as hell ain't gonna be me.

Our first class is chemistry; several people have already arrived in the classroom. Yamato-sensei is momentarily away, probably making photocopies or something like that. Sasuke's sitting in his seat near the front, next to my empty one; Kiba and Sai are talking at Kiba's desk. I wave at them, then go to my desk, and Sakura goes to chat with Ino at the back.

"Is everything alright with Sakura?" Sasuke asks quietly.

"Yeah. I think she's still getting used to the fact, but she honestly wants to accept it. I just hope that she'll get better with time."

"I'm sure she will," he says with a smile.

"She also told me about this… thing… Well, it's stupid. It happens in shounen-ai manga, but that's obviously not the same as real life…" I trail off. I can tell that I should never have opened my mouth.

"What is it?"

Shaking my head, I say, "Never mind."

"You shouldn't have mentioned it if you weren't going to tell me what it is."

"I know that."

"Well it's too late now. Come on, tell me."

"No."

"Would you rather I ask Sakura?"

That's a fair question, actually, but in the end I don't know whether I can – or should – trust Sakura-chan not to plant suggestions into Sasuke's mind. Just then, however, the bell rings, Yamato-sensei walks in, and the whole class falls silent. I sigh gratefully. It's not necessarily that Yamato-sensei gets mad at us for talking during class, but the creepy fish-eyed _stare_ he gives you if you're chatting… I shudder just thinking about it. In any case, this gets me out of answering Sasuke, and all I can do now is hope he'll forget I ever said anything.

Of course, no such luck. When class ends, we leave for the music room. Sasuke takes my hand in his as we walk and asks, "So, that thing Sakura told you about?"

I roll my eyes. "You're not letting it go, are you?"

"Nope."

I hesitate, then give up and explain the seme-uke theory. "I think it's a load of bull," I add at the end.

"Are you sure you're not just saying that because you're afraid you might be the uke?"

I stop dead in my tracks, mouth agape, staring at him. "You're not serious."

"What?"

"That's exactly what Sakura-chan said! Do I _look_ like the uke type?" I ask furiously, resuming walking.

Sasuke smirks. "If you think you're the seme, you're gonna have to prove it."

"I could kick your ass any day, teme. 'Sides, you're too girly not to be uke."

"I'm not girly, dobe."

"Are you kidding me? You're practically girlier than Sakura-chan! If you had any less testosterone you'd have boobs. And the fact that you haven't punched my lights out by now just proves that you don't give a damn about your masculinity."

"Resorting to violence to solve your problems isn't a good thing, usuratonkachi. And who ever said masculinity is the deciding factor in all of this? Shounen-ai characters are rarely very masculine."

"Yeah, but this isn't a shounen-ai story, now is it? Real life to Sasuke, hello? How would you know a thing like that anyway?"

"Sakura's been reading shounen-ai for a long time," he says simply.

"Either way, like I said, it's all bull. We're not in a shounen-ai story, and neither of us needs to be dominant or submissive."

"But if we were, you'd be uke."

I growl in frustration and ignore his comment.

As we near the music classroom, someone says behind us, "If it isn't Uzumaki."

I turn. Yukio Akitaka is leaning casually against the wall next to the window, surrounded by his gang. They're notorious for their graffiti and general vandalism around the area, although they somehow hide it from the teachers. Yukio seems to enjoy picking on people, including me. Though he's actually shorter than me, he makes his presence known with baggy, loud clothing and a similar attitude. I could stand up to him one on one, but he's got numbers on his side. I have my friends too, sure, but we prefer to avoid fights, we're not as strong as these guys, and Yukio tends to only approach when I'm outnumbered.

I pointedly turn my back on Yukio as Sasuke and I continue to class, but he doesn't take this very well. I hear – and sense – him nearing, but I ignore it.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, blondie. Think you can sneak away just 'cause you're a gay little fox-boy?"

I whip around and growl, "Wanna say that again, bastard?"

A look of terror springs to his face as though he just saw a ghost. His gang looks similarly shocked. When Sasuke puts a hand on my shoulder, I blink, then recompose myself, reining in my anger. It's not worth getting into shit with these idiots. I turn away, then open the door and go in, Sasuke following and closing the door gently behind him. Though his seat is at the front in the flute section, he follows me to the back where the percussion is. I wave to Gaara as we pass the violins, then drop my bag next to the drum set and flop down on the stool.

"Naruto…"

Sasuke's tone, unexpectedly serious, makes me look up. I can't decipher the look on his face. "What?"

He says tentatively, "You know how Yukio and the others looked when you shouted at them?"

"Yeah… Now that you mention it, that was pretty weird. They must be getting too confident if I could scare them with just that."

"That's not what it is," he says, shaking his head. He lowers his voice. "When… when you turned around and shouted at them, your… eyes turned red."

"What? That's—" I'm about to protest, to say it's absurd, but he cuts me off.

"I'm sure of it. It's why he and his friends looked so scared. Your eyes flashed red, and your pupils were slits. Naruto… I don't want to assume anything, but… has Kyuubi ever affected your physical traits?"

I frown and glance away, thinking. "Not that I know of. I was born with these scars on my cheeks, but I've never had any drastic physical changes. Sasuke, that's impossible. My eyes can't change colour and shape for a split second. No one's can."

He doesn't look convinced, but once again the bell cuts off our conversation. He covers my hand with his for a short moment before going to his section. Anko-sensei always gives us the first five minutes or so to warm up or practice a bit, so I take the opportunity to let off a little steam. I put pads on the drums to deaden the sound so as not to bother others, and pull out a pair of drumsticks. Then I begin a steady beat with the bass drum, feeling the pounding through the pedal my foot is pumping, and ease from a simple rhythm into a full-blown attack on the set, beating each surface as hard as I can while still maintaining as much musicality as possible (not that it's really music). I stop when Anko-sensei calls the class to attention. I feel better; it's not as fulfilling since the sound was stifled, but it's a good way to let out some anger without hurting anyone or breaking anything.

Music has always been one of my favourite classes. I don't actively listen to instrumental music, but some of it is really awesome, and this class gives me a chance to hear more stuff and even be a part of it. There's something reassuring about being a percussionist, to be the one keeping the beat, holding everything steady. Sometimes I get to use the drum set, which Anko says I'm good at not only for my sense of rhythm but also my body coordination. But most of the pieces involve the other percussion instruments – timpani, xylophones, bells, cymbals, and so on – so that's usually what I'm on. There's a bit of running around involved, but it's fun in a different way.

We run through a couple of pieces and work on individual parts, and before I know it it's lunchtime. I make sure everything's put away, then go to the door, humming, to wait for Sasuke and Gaara. Sasuke takes my hand, and together the three of us leave for the cafeteria.

"How are you, Naruto?" Gaara asks. "The student body isn't giving you two too hard of a time, is it?"

"It could be worse. All in all I think it's pretty good. I'm getting a lot more stares now than before, though, and definitely different than the usual ones. It's not like being gay is a big taboo or anything, but it's not exactly normal, is it?"

"Are you uncomfortable being this open about it?" Sasuke quietly asks.

I hesitate for a bit, then say determinedly, "No. I won't let anyone say we can't be open about it. I mean, we're not going to go around kissing in the halls, but no one does that, even straight couples. I mean, we don't get a lot of discrimination in Konoha, do we? Everyone's pretty lax about it. I'm just saying we shouldn't not be allowed to hold hands if straight people are allowed to."

He smiles. "I like your spirit. So, what do you want for lunch?"

We meet Kiba, Sai, Shikamaru, and Neji in the cafeteria and buy our meals, but we've barely sat down to eat before a swarm of girls invades us. They press in on all sides, their attention focused on Sasuke, and his hand tightens around mine as though afraid we might get separated. I mean, come on. There are what, twenty of them?

Sasuke seems used to this, if still rather annoyed, but doesn't show it on his face. His voice doesn't betray him either as he calmly says, "What is it?"

"Sasuke-kun, we wanted to—"

"Sasuke-kun, tell us—"

"Sasuke-kun, why is it that—"

"Slow down," he says over the babble. "One at a time."

They fall silent. One girl steps up, and I recognize her as the one from this morning. I don't exactly have a good impression of her, and apparently neither does Sasuke, but again he keeps it to himself. I don't know if physical contact helps me to sense others' emotions; I haven't had enough experience with it to say, but I've never tapped into someone else's feelings like I'm doing now.

"Um, my name is Mari. I, well…" She throws herself into a deep bow. "I'm sorry for saying what I did about Naruto-san." She turns to me and smiles. "You must really be a good person. I'm sure you know that a lot of us girls like Sasuke-kun a lot, but he's rejected everyone."

"Well, if that's the only value that makes you a good person… No offence, Sasuke," I add, "but, you know…"

She shakes her head quickly, blushing. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant! It's just, everyone thinks… everyone thinks that because of Kyuubi, you're a monster. Sasuke-kun is helping to show that that's not true."

Slowly I nod. "Yeah. You're right."

"Well, if I'd known that Sasuke-kun liked other men…" She sighs. "You know, the good-looking guys are always taken or gay. Or both." She turns to me and looks at me critically, then smiles. "You're very good-looking yourself, now that I see you up close. Mind if I call you Naruto-kun?"

Sasuke, chuckling, says, "It's not exactly that I like other men. I just like Naruto. It's not about gender. Anyway, he's taken."

I roll my eyes and look away, feeling my cheeks burn. I can tell he's smirking at me.

"You guys are cute together," says Mari. "You know of the shounen-ai genre, don't you?"

"Unfortunately, yes," I mutter.

Her smile widens. "Don't be surprised if you start seeing fanfiction in the monthly newsletter!"

And, giggling, she and the others leave.

"…Fanfiction?" I repeat. "We're not manga characters!"

"You don't have to be," says Shikamaru, sniggering. "If you think about the word, the definition is fiction written by fans."

"There's more to the definition of a word than its face value," says Sasuke. "Fanfiction carries the connotation of being about things that are already fiction."

I nod, choosing not to mention that Sakura-chan's told me about "real life fanfiction."

"You're like a dream come true for all shounen-ai fangirls," says Kiba, ignoring Sasuke.

"Oh god," I mumble. "I think I can see why you hide in the dorm room all the time, Sasuke. Do they always mob you like this?"

"Pretty much," he sighs. "I'd rather not deal with the attention."

I glance around. There are girls here and there in the cafeteria who overheard our conversation and are now whispering and giggling to each other, throwing glances at us. I feel like there's a massive spotlight on us and we're supposed to put on some sort of show.

"Ugh, I can't deal with this. Can we leave?"

We grab our lunches and head for the door. The stares follow us right until we're out of sight of the caf. I let out a breath as I feel a weight on my shoulders lift away.

"It's insane," I say. "I get some pretty awful looks, but rarely that many. And I'm used to the hateful ones. This… this is just crazy."

We finish up our lunch in Sasuke's and my dorm, then spend the rest of the hour chatting there, just sitting together and spending time. People are generally too busy between bells getting to their next class to bother us, and so the rest of the school day goes smoothly. There's something comforting about the fact that I have all my classes today with Sasuke; while I used to hate the fact, now it's become a good thing. That evening we order pizza for dinner and have a group homework session. We all appreciate Sasuke's company; he's always the top of our grade (something else that I used to despise but now find useful). Eventually everyone leaves, and then it's just me and Sasuke in the dorm, alone again.

"Well, all in all I think the day was a success," I say, closing the door behind me after having tossed the pizza boxes in the large bin in the hall. "At least we seem to have won the favour of the girls."

Sasuke comes over and kisses the tip of my nose. "Looks like it, doesn't it?"

"There are probably still some who disapprove, but you can't please everyone."

"It doesn't matter." He puts a hand against the door, next to my head, and leans in. His other hand takes mine, and his thumb rubs small, gentle circles into the middle of my palm. My eyelids gently drop shut, and I lean my head back against the door, enjoying the soft touch. Sasuke radiates contentment. His lips touch mine, and I put my arm around him to pull him closer, hugging him.

I nearly jump out of my skin when a loud knocking resounds through the door. Sasuke jolts back. My heart is pounding so hard and fast that I back away from the door in case whoever's on the other side can feel it. I look over at Sasuke, whose cheeks are bright red; I know mine are no different.

The person knocks again and Sai's voice calls out, "Naruto-kun? Sasuke-san? Are you in there?"

I turn and take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. I hear the bathroom door click shut on the other side of the room, and, feeling a bit more confident, slowly open the door. "What's up, Sai?" I say, trying to sound and look normal.

"I left my textbook here."

I let him in and he takes it. "I could've brought you it tomorrow morning, you know."

He shrugs. "Are you okay, Naruto-kun? You look a bit flushed."

"I'm fine," I say quickly. "Just fine. See you tomorrow, Sai."

He smiles. "Don't let it get too hot in there with Sasuke-san."

And he closes the door before I can hit him.

* * *

Notes:

- For those new to the shounen-ai genre, "seme" (pronounced seh-meh) translates almost exactly to "pitcher" and "uke" (oo-keh) to "catcher." The terms are derived from martial arts; "semeru" is the verb "to attack" and "ukeru" is "to receive." These terms are used for the dominant/submissive or top/bottom, respectively, of a homosexual pairing.

- Bit of trivia: Alphabetical order in Japanese is different than for our Latin alphabet. In hiragana, the "chi" of "Uchiha" and the "zu" of "Uzumaki" are close enough for it to be fairly usual for them to be next to each other. In addition, U is the third "letter," so they're up at the front. Most of the classes in Konoha High have the students sit like this, although some are more flexible than others. Classes like music obviously don't conform to this rule.

- I saw people making out in the halls fairly frequently at my high school or out in public, but it's considered more taboo in Japan. I know I should do more cultural research because this is set in Japan, but this is a fairly relaxed fic and I was raised in North America.

- I know I've seriously screwed up the education system. I based Konoha High heavily off of Western high school, since that's what I know. In Japan, high schools even have rules for what students do outside of school. They would never be allowed in Stoneheads… But it's integral to a lot of the plot, so I can't change it even if I'd wanted to.

R+F


	14. Pecking Order

When Sasuke and I arrive for breakfast the next morning, I'm surprised to be greeted by several girls.

"Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun," they say, "can we sit with you?"

It's rare that anyone I don't know asks to sit with me, but then I remember Sasuke's attitude towards fangirls. I glance over at him, and he shrugs. So I tell them yes.

They seem to talk non-stop, even while eating, and they wait until Sasuke and I are done our meals before bombarding us with questions – how we got together, why we were kissing on the train, how we feel about each other. I try to answer what I can without saying too much that's personal, which is sort of hard seeing as how most of their questions _are_ personal ones. Sasuke says nothing throughout. Eventually Gaara and Shikamaru come and save us. We say goodbye to the girls and quickly leave the cafeteria.

"Getting popular, aren't you?" Gaara smiles amusedly.

"You've gotten yourself into way too much, Naruto," says Shikamaru. "It's not worth all the trouble."

"Nothing's worth the trouble to you, Shikamaru."

"I'd rather not be mobbed by girls, thanks."

"They'll leave us alone eventually," Sasuke says. "Well, if you ignore them."

"That's rude, teme."

"Dobe, there's no other way. You can't encourage them."

"You've already got nicknames for each other and everything?" says Gaara. "Going pretty well, isn't it?"

"Oh shut up," I mutter. Sasuke just smirks.

The school day goes well enough. I realize that Sasuke and I have all but one class together: he has literature (ew) when I have biology. Chatting during lunch, we come to the topic of gym class, which we have next.

"We're playing basketball today, aren't we?" I ask.

Sasuke nods. "Chances are we'll be on opposite teams."

"If we are, mine is gonna win."

"Not a chance, dobe," he says. "You're the uke, so you're supposed to submit."

"I'm not uke!" I shout. "And no way am I submitting to you, teme."

"We'll see about that, won't we? How about this: whoever wins this game will be seme. Deal?"

"You're on!"

We shake hands. "And of course now that we've planned it all out, we'll end up being on the same team," I mutter.

But by some sort of double reverse psychology, we do end up on opposite teams. I change as fast as I can, but Sasuke is done before me. How does that even make any sense, with the tight clothes he wears? Since we're the first people to be done, however, it gives us time to talk, or rather, to trade taunts back and forth.

"How're ya feeling, teme?"

"Fine, thank you, dobe. And you?"

"I feel like a winner," I grin. "You ready to lose?"

"Don't get cocky yet," he smirks back. "Wouldn't want you to come crashing down when you realize you're not actually winning."

"Worry about yourself. You can come crying to me after I beat you like the uke we know you are."

Asuma-sensei chooses that moment to call us to attention. He assigns laps as usual and Sasuke and I start almost immediately, speeding to the front of the group and pulling away quickly. Sasuke puts on a burst of speed, but I set a near-maximum pace that I know I can maintain the whole way through, and eventually he loses strength. I pass him easily, beating him by several seconds. He stops next to me, panting, and half-heartedly pushes me. I put an elbow on his shoulder and lean on him, grinning in triumph.

"It's not the finals yet, usuratonkachi," he says after catching his breath. "This doesn't even count."

"You're just a sore loser of a teme."

"Hn. Whatever, dobe."

We get into our teams and are on the ball as soon as Asuma-sensei blows his whistle. I play hard, knowing that teamwork is the best way to win, cheering everyone on. I know my display of energy will rub off on the others, and soon everyone's doing their best. Sasuke's not so good at the social part, but he does cooperate with his team, and it's my bad luck that today most of the people on his team have incredible aim. The scores climb, neck and neck, until we're tied with a minute left to the clock. The ball flies between teams so many times that it's nearly impossible to keep track of which team has it at any given moment. Sasuke snatches it from my hands and lunges for the basket, making a swoosh just as the clock runs out.

I groan inwardly. The rest of my team is pretty bummed out, but not as much as I am – they don't know how important this game was. I head straight for the showers, ignoring Sasuke's superior smirk.

I enter the shower stall and jerk the curtains shut, then immediately begin to strip down to nothing. What I don't expect is for Sasuke to poke his head in while I'm butt naked.

"Now who's going to crying to whom, eh, uke-chan?" he says.

"Get _out_, pervert-teme!" I yell, grabbing his face and shoving him out.

"That's _seme_ to you!"

I drown out the sound of his laughter with the water and let the relaxing shower soothe my anger. I sort of wonder what the others will think of Sasuke's laughing fit – after all, who's ever seen him so much as smile? Even I was a bit surprised by that. He must be more into this than I thought. I've always been competing with Sasuke to be the best, but I never had the impression that he was putting much emotional effort into it. But does he seriously believe in the seme-uke relationship that strongly? Why bother? It's stupid. It's not just that I deserve to be seme – of course I do – but I could settle for a compromise, where neither of us is better than the other. That's how our battles always seem to go anyway.

Sasuke sticks his head in again. "Time's up, uke-chan, it's my turn."

"_Holy fuck_, Sasuke!" I shout angrily. "Just 'cause we're going out doesn't mean you can invade my privacy like that!"

He pulls back almost instantly. I quickly dry off and change, then get out.

"Sorry," he says, and even though he can't completely contain his laughter, I can tell he's being sincere. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's just… dobe, you bet so much on a simple basketball game. I can't help but taunt you about it."

"What do you mean, bet so much? This seme-uke crap isn't even important!"

"Then why even bother to make the bet?"

"Because – argh, I don't know! Because we're always competing for something or other, and I just got caught up in the competitiveness, and—" I growl in frustration. "Can't you just take the win and leave the bragging rights inside your head? And not invade my privacy in the _shower_?"

"So you'll keep to the deal?"

I pout and say nothing.

He shrugs. "I'll bring you around."

"Don't call me uke anymore," I say. "And I'm not calling you seme."

"Okay, fine." No one's around, so he kisses me quickly. "Wait for me? I'll be quick."

I pack my stuff and wait. He finishes up in under five minutes and we leave hand in hand for Japanese class. We arrive there first; Iruka-sensei has no class to teach before ours, so he lets us in.

"So, how are you guys doing?" he asks. "Getting along well now, I see?"

"Ehh, yeah," I say, rubbing the back of my head embarrassedly. Teachers generally hear the rumours that go around; it's not really hard to catch them. It's the sort of thing they know about but never get involved in. "It's complicated, but one thing led to another, and, well, here we are."

He nods. It would sort of be prying for him to ask more questions, so he just continues on preparing the lesson. Soon the bell rings, others arrive, and the class starts. Iruka-sensei's class is always interesting even if we're doing lame stuff like kanji or grammar, and before we know it the day is over.

When we return to our dorm, the first thing Sasuke does is to go to his computer. I shrug and flop on the bed to listen to some music. I cover my ears completely with my sound-blocking headphones, letting the rich harmonies envelop me, feeling the beat of the drums and the deep bass resonate throughout my body. I begin to hum quietly along with the music, then start singing the words and imitating the instrumental parts. It feels good to drown myself in the sounds.

I jump when a hand pulls one side of the headphones off my ear.

"Sorry," says Sasuke.

Pausing the music, I set my stuff aside. " 'S'okay. Did you want something?"

"We don't have a lot of homework. What do you say we go for dinner and a movie?"

A date? I raise an eyebrow, then smile. "Sure. What movie?"

Sasuke nods towards his computer. We go over and, after a bit of arguing, pick an action/comedy movie. We grab what we need and are just about to head out when my cellphone, which I just stuffed into my pocket, rings.

"Hey, Naruto," Shikamaru's voice says, "we're going to the arcade."

"Sorry, can't come."

"What? Why not?" None of us ever misses a group activity, so I completely understand why Shikamaru sounds so stunned.

"I'm out tonight," I say. "With Sasuke."

Shikamaru says nothing for a minute, then, " 'Kay. See you tomorrow, then."

"Yeah. Bye."

As I flip my phone shut, Sasuke says, "If you want to go—"

"No," I say immediately, taking his hand. "I'm spending tonight with you."

Sasuke smiles at this. I feel slightly embarrassed and girly. (I really need to stop doing things that make me feel like an uke.) As we leave, I wonder, is this what makes the difference between friends and lovers? There didn't seem to be that much of a difference during our date on Saturday. It would have been weird for us to act any closer, after all the emotional baggage we carried. But friends don't hold hands or kiss or say sentimental things to each other. Is that all there is to it? Are those the only things that separate the two categories?

"By the way," Sasuke says, pulling me out of my thoughts, "you're a pretty good singer."

I flush and look away. I can tell he's amused by my reaction, but he doesn't comment.

We eat at a restaurant that's neither too formal nor too informal, which is a relief. I wasn't sure how date-like Sasuke expected this to be, and from what I've learned, a formal setting would be way too awkward. On the other hand, too informal of a setting would feel as though we were just going as friends, which I don't think Sasuke was aiming for. I act carefully, since I think it would be a bit weird to look like we were going out in public, and Sasuke thankfully does so too (whether on purpose or by chance). I manage to feel relaxed, which is good, because I probably wouldn't enjoy it if it was awkward. We talk and laugh and I enjoy myself quite a lot.

The movie, though, doesn't feel much more different than when I go to the theatre with my friends. Sasuke and I whisper comments to each other now and then, but mostly we watch in silence. I never did understand what made movies good date material anyway. Where's the socializing? How do you develop a relationship if you're involved in the story on the screen? Maybe that's the difference. Hanging out with friends is just having fun and happening to have people you like around you. I mean, okay, that's a bit harsh, but being in a committed relationship with someone involves a lot more bonding.

When the movie ends, we leave and head for the bus stop. I wonder how best to explain my opinion of the date. It's not that I didn't enjoy it, and I don't want Sasuke to think that's what I'm saying, but this just isn't the right way to go about it.

"Something on your mind?" he asks. I didn't realize he'd noticed.

"Well… don't judge me on this, but… next time we go out, I think we should find something different to do."

Maybe that wasn't the best way to put it. But Sasuke patiently waits for my explanation, so I go on.

"I mean, I liked the movie and everything, but… it didn't feel so much like a date as just hanging out, you know? Maybe I don't know how dating works, but I don't really get how watching a movie develops a relationship between two people."

"Are you suggesting we do something that involves more communication?"

"Yes, exactly. I… I want to know what it's like, to be dating – to be committed to someone. I think we need to just…" I don't really know how to put it, and I feel weird trying to say it anyway.

"Then why don't we walk home instead?" he suggests. "And just talk."

I slowly nod. "I like that idea."

And so we pass by the bus stop and take the path along the river.

I ask, "What do you want to talk about?" then wince inwardly, because I know I would hate being asked that question.

"Whatever you like," he says, bouncing it right back to me. I give him a look reminiscent of a glare, and he amends, "Well, if it's not too personal, maybe you could tell me how you feel about all of this so far?"

"It's fine," I say. "It's important. Though to be honest, I'm not entirely sure about how I feel. It's not just about you and me. It would be so much easier if we could just be left alone, if it wasn't considered weird to be going out with someone of the same gender, if you weren't the most popular guy in KH and I weren't the Jinchuuriki for the demon that nearly destroyed the city. It's just so much to deal with at once."

"Don't worry about it," he says softly, taking my hand and rubbing the middle of my palm with his thumb, like he did before. "It doesn't have to be something we need to deal with. Just let it happen, and just think about us."

I smile. It was so easy for Sasuke to cast away any worries I had, and he's right, after all. Why should we care what everyone else thinks? All I need right now is someone who cares for me, walks next to me, spends time with me. I can forget about the past. The Sasuke I hated was someone different. If I tell myself that, maybe I can let it go. This is the person who wrote me a letter every day, the person I knew loved me, the person I wanted to love back. This is my chance, isn't it?

* * *

After some research and frustration, I've come to the decision that Konoha exists in a Japan on an alternate-universe Earth where their culture is a mix of our Japanese and Western culture. Ah, well.

I suppose it's a bit late to be establishing characters, but this chapter really shows Naruto's competitive side. He was too caught up in everything else for me to show it before.

R+F


	15. Innocence versus Naïveté

Sasuke and I meet Kiba at the door of the dorm building when we return.

"Hey," I say. "Did you guys have a good time at the arcade?"

"Yeah," he answers, but he doesn't seem very enthusiastic about it. "How about you two? Enjoy your night out?"

I frown at his tone of voice; I could swear he's being sarcastic. "What?" I ask almost accusingly.

"Nothing," he says casually. "I was just asking."

I shrug. "It was good. I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow, yeah?"

He nods, looking somewhat relieved. "Alright. See you."

We leave the stairwell at our floor; he continues upward to his.

"What was up with him?" Sasuke asks.

"Not a clue," I respond. Did I do something wrong? Did I maybe forget that we'd planned for tonight a while ago? But no, I'm pretty sure we hadn't. It was definitely just a spur of the moment thing. It's not like I said I would go and then went back on my word. So why did it seem like Kiba was annoyed at us?

"Forget about it," says Sasuke. "It didn't seem like too much of a problem."

"Yeah, I guess. Well," I say, sitting at my desk, "I'm gonna do that math homework now."

"Good idea."

"I'll race you?"

"Dobe, you'll make mistakes if you try to do it too fast."

"Fine, be a spoilsport. Teme."

I swear he almost takes me up on the offer, but he manages to ignore it. There isn't much work to do anyway, and it's all easy stuff. When I finish (at least a minute before he does), I pack for tomorrow and hit the shower.

—

We get a shitload of homework the next day and, although we have any one class every two days and therefore could leave the homework for the night after, Sasuke pesters me into doing it now. We argue for a long time before I finally concede, but all I can think of while working is how I could be doing so much more interesting things with my time. Partly as revenge, partly because I'm too lazy to do it myself, and partly because I actually need it, I get Sasuke to help me through most of the work. Eventually he gives up always walking over to look over my shoulder and tells me to bring my stuff to his desk, which is larger than mine. I'm about ready to give up by midnight, but we're almost done and Sasuke makes sure we both finish. Exhausted, I take a five-minute shower and fall asleep before I hit the pillow.

I awake to the smell of eggs, bacon, and buttered toast. Sitting up, I find Sasuke eating exactly that at his desk in a Styrofoam box. Another unopened one sits next to his, with a pair of chopsticks on top.

"Good morning, Sasuke," I yawn, stretching.

"Morning, Naruto," he replies. "I tried waking you up, but you said something about ten more minutes, so I thought I'd get us both breakfast. Here, this one's for you."

He gestures towards the closed box, and I get out of bed and take it. "Thanks," I say with a smile. I think to myself, one of these days I'm gonna have to repay Sasuke for everything he does for me. Then I remember how he hurt me before, and remind myself that this is him repaying me; but it doesn't stop me wanting to do something for him too. It's like that past doesn't matter anymore. Sure, it was sort of hell, but I lived through it, and it's over, and it's like trudging through an awful challenge but feeling great that you did it afterwards. Maybe I don't feel great that it happened, but it's behind me and I feel as though I can reflect upon it positively. It makes no sense, when I really think about it.

I don't know how much I believe in karma, but if it exists, it certainly likes us, because after that long night of homework we get none at all today. By some unspoken consent, Sasuke and I decide to stay in the dorm tonight. Problem is, neither of us has a clue as to what to do. We've got all sorts of ways to entertain ourselves alone, but we'd never had any reason to pass the time together.

I flop onto my bed, hands behind my head on the pillow. Sasuke stands in the middle of the room for a moment, looking undecided about something. He glances over at my side of the room, then at his own. Finally he sits on his own bed and leans forward with his elbows on his knees.

I cough. "So… what d'you wanna do?"

His gaze flicks to me, and I'm suddenly very aware of it. I can't bring myself to lock eyes with him, so I keep my ceiling in view.

"Dunno," he says finally.

Just then my cellphone buzzes, the vibration sending it crawling over my desk. I jump up and practically pounce on it. It's a text message from Gaara: _Where are you? Get in the chat room._ So I boot up my laptop.

Back at the beginning of last year, Neji found a website where we could set up our own private chat room. It's better than individual instant messaging, because now the default is everyone together, and if you want to talk to someone privately (which we don't do as much as talking all together) you can open up a new place on the side. I chat with them for a bit, then Sasuke comes over and wraps his arms around me from behind.

"What are you doing?"

"Reading."

I raise an eyebrow. "Not that I mind, but do you have to, y'know, drape yourself on top of me?"

"Sorry." He gets off. I find myself sort of wondering why.

He sits on the end of my bed and continues to watch our conversation, making comments every now and then. I ask him if he wants to join in, but he just says it's too fast and the way we talk is bothersome. So I keep chatting and he keeps watching.

Soon enough we all decide to meet up for dinner. Sasuke and I find the others at the door of the caf, and I'm surprised to see Yamamoto Kami there. Yamamoto Kami is Gaara's roommate. He and Gaara are pretty good friends. Sometimes he joins us when we hang out. He seems to have a bit of a rivalry with Shikamaru, but it's a friendly one and he's a nice guy all around. I don't see him that often, but we get along pretty well, so it's nice to see him.

"Hey, Kami."

"Hello," he says slightly tentatively.

"Uh, you haven't met Sasuke yet, have you? Kami, Uchiha Sasuke. Sasuke, Yamamoto Kami."

"Nice to meet you," says Sasuke. He holds out a hand.

Kami hesitates before shaking it. "You too."

Sasuke says, "Do we make you uncomfortable?"

My head snaps to him. Did Sasuke notice something I didn't? I turn to Kami, who looks a little embarrassed to have been found out.

"Well, that is…" He seems reluctant to say. I still don't get it. What's Kami uncomfortable about?

Kiba claps him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Kami. I know how you feel."

"What? But you and Naruto are best friends, aren't you?"

"Yeah, that complicates things, actually. Have you ever, y'know, hung out with your gang and checked out the hot girls that passed by?"

My eyes widen. It's because of me and Sasuke being together?

"…Not really," Kami says, "but I guess I can understand the concept."

" 'Kay, that works too. Whenever we did that, it was always me 'n' Naruto doing most of the checking out. Naruto's always been straight. So when we found out, I got really pissed." He stops sounding so chill about it, almost apologetic. "I punched him in the face. But we made up. It's a stupid thing to lose a friend over."

Kami nods. "I suppose so."

"I understand if you're not comfortable," I say. "Can't please everyone. At least you're not hating on me, right?" I grin, and he smiles back.

We all head in, grab our food, then claim a large table. The meal is good, nothing special. I'm glad, to be honest. So much has been happening that it's nice just to sit down and eat in peace with everyone.

After eating, Sasuke asks me, "Do you want to go for a walk?"

I cock my head, wondering if the question is innocent, or if Sasuke has something in mind. But either way, I wouldn't mind, so we bid the others goodbye and set off on a path away from the dorms. It's already dark and the paths are lit. I generally prefer daylight, but there's something comforting about the weight of the darkness sitting over the world that the open sky of day can't give.

"Did you want something?" I ask.

"What? Oh, no. I just thought it would be more interesting than hanging around the dorm all night."

"True," I concede. I bury my hands in my pockets, then, after we pass a small group of girls (who greet us, giggling), I pull one out and take Sasuke's hand. Somehow I feel more at ease when we're holding hands. If we're just walking side by side, I feel compelled to start a conversation, to fill up the silence. But when we're linked like this, there's no need for words.

I glance up at the sparkling stars. For some reason I've always felt a connection to the stars. They've never looked down on me with hatred; they always twinkle, twinkle and shine, telling me never to give up, telling me that one day I'll be as bright as them.

"Do you ever look up at the stars?"

He also looks up. "Sometimes. I don't usually get the chance to."

He continues to gaze upward. I notice that, as people tend to do when they're not watching where they're going, he's beginning to stray from the path. If you've ever walked with your eyes closed or while looking up, you'll know that your balance isn't the best during those times. I smirk, then give him a solid shove. He falls over with a shout. I laugh and run off.

"Naruto!" He yells angrily. I just grin and keep running, and soon he's behind me, tearing across the lawn. I pick up my pace, but he catches up quickly. He grabs a hold of the back of my shirt and trips over me and we both fall into the grass.

"Dobe," he says between gasps.

I laugh again, then sit up, leaning back on my hands, and tilt my head back to look at the stars again. Sasuke decides to sit cross-legged.

"D'you know any constellations?" I ask.

"Just the Big Dipper and Orion's Belt. They're easy to find."

"Yeah." We search the sky. "I don't think they're out at this time of year. I know you can see Orion in the winter. Most of the others are too hard to find. I mean, honestly, how do you look at three stars out of the billions up there and decide they're a constellation? A _triangle_, for god's sake. Why can't I pick, say, that bright one there, the orange one on the left, and the little teeny one you can't even see down there, and call that a constellation? It could be, I dunno, a fox."

"Sure," he says. "We'll make it a constellation, and call it Kitsune."

"And, say, those four next to it, that could be Karasu. And then we'd have an even ninety constellations in the sky. How's that sound?"

He smiles. "It sounds great."

I stare at our newfound constellations and picture the fox's face and the raven's. They glitter back at me knowingly.

I turn to Sasuke, who's still watching the sky. He looks thoughtful, peaceful. Then I notice he's slouching. Not that I'm never guilty of slouching, but I have a sudden idea. With a small smirk, I reach over and poke him in the back, right on his lower spine. To my surprise, he flinches, immediately straightening up, with a strange squawking noise. I burst out laughing.

"Dobe!" he growls. "What are you doing?"

Trying to stifle my laughter, I say, "You were slouching. Doesn't it hurt your neck to look up if you're slouching?"

He sticks out his lower jaw and huffs, "No." Then he turns back.

I poke him again, and he makes that same noise, although not as loud.

"Oi, dobe!"

I grin at him. He appears too stubborn to change positions. I could easily keep doing this, but I decide not to. After a few minutes, I get bored again.

"Sasuke?"

He doesn't look over. "Hn?"

"How does your hair do that?"

"Do what?"

"Stick up like that. You don't gel it or anything, do you?" I reach over to find out. He stiffens when I touch him.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Trying to figure out how it stays. Man, your hair is really soft." I run my fingers between strands of hair, feeling them between my fingertips. "That's… unnatural. Ever heard of gravity?"

"That's – Naruto, what—?"

I shift over to sit behind him. I hold my hand flat, then push forward on his hair as though pushing a door. When I move my hand away, it returns to its original position. Then I try flattening it down against his head, but it just springs back.

"That's so _weird_!" I press it down again. "Haha, that's a good look for you, Sasuke."

He swats me away. "Would you _stop_—"

I snatch my hands back, my face heating up. "Oh geez, I'm sorry! I didn't even… Were you uncomfortable?"

He stares at me as though unsure of his answer. Then he quietly says, "Well… no…"

"Sorry," I say again timidly.

"No, I mean, it felt…" He turns away, also blushing.

I look more closely at him. He looks as if he doesn't want to say whatever he was about to say. I hesitate, then tentatively put my hand on the back of his head again. He tenses, but doesn't protest, so I slowly run my fingers through his hair. After a moment, he seems to relax. Encouraged, I start combing through, one hand after the other, easing out any tangles I come across. Sasuke closes his eyes. I keep combing through until I no longer find tangles, then my hands wander down his neck. I run one finger down his spine, watching in near-fascination as his body reacts to each point as I go past it. His shoulders pull back when I go between his shoulder blades, and the further down I go, the straighter he sits.

"That's really funny," I chuckle.

"It feels weird."

"You sit up straighter! It's like a posture button." I poke him again and he actually stands up this time.

"Stop it, dobe!"

I roll my eyes. "Fine." I move back a little, then lie down, flopping out on the grass before holding out a hand to him. He reaches down, and I grab his arm and jerk on it, taking him by surprise. He falls over on top of me.

"Ow, usuratonkachi."

He makes to get off, but my hand almost automatically tightens around his wrist. Our eyes meet, and I feel my face flush, my heart speeding up. But I don't let go. When he doesn't move, I put my arms around him. He hesitates, then lets his weight rest on me, his head next to mine, facing me.

"Naruto?" His voice, so close to my ear, is quiet.

I shake my head silently. Words will break the spell. I can't explain this feeling, the way my heart feels as though it's filled to the brim now that Sasuke is here with me. Is this what love is? To be unafraid, unashamed – even to enjoy having someone so close? To want to hug them and hold them forever without having to say a word?

Sasuke presses his face against my cheek. I can smell his hair from here, something sweet and minty. The scent is familiar. It probably hangs around our dorm. His hand approaches the top of my head, then he slowly threads his fingers through my hair. They sift through gently, and I'm surprised by how comforting it feels. I guess this is how he felt when I did this to him. I close my eyes and pull my arms tighter around his body.

—

When I open my eyes again, the stars twinkle back at me. The first thing I notice is that they're not in the same place as they were when I looked at them last. I spot our fox and raven making for the horizon.

The second thing I notice is that Sasuke is no longer on top of me. I feel a hand in mine and turn my head. Sasuke is lying next to me, eyes closed, breathing slowly. He looks so serene and peaceful; I don't want to wake him. I carefully shift onto my side, then very gently press my lips to his. I notice a cool, fresh taste that brings me images of the dorm room, the only sense of home I have. It's comforting, relaxing.

Sasuke's eyes slowly open. "…Naruto?"

I smile and put my forehead against his.

"Did you just… kiss me?"

"Yes."

"…Do it again," he whispers.

Blushing, I close my eyes and lean forward once more. Awake this time, Sasuke responds. I put an arm over him, and he takes a hold of the back of my head, pulling me in closer. Smelling something whose fragrance is distinctly similar to the one I tasted before, I experimentally push my tongue forward to find that the taste is stronger on Sasuke's lips. He doesn't expect my actions, though, and draws back in surprise. He stares at me for a moment as though disbelieving, then kisses me again.

I feel a tentative, almost questioning lick at my lips. I hesitate, then open them. Sasuke's tongue runs over my teeth. I'm overwhelmed with strange new sensations, unsure of whether I'm comfortable with this, but my pulse has quickened and emotions are racing through me. I open my mouth further, and the tip of his tongue brushes mine. My breath hitches at the feeling, then I shyly flick back. Slowly we begin to dance, getting to know each other all over again. I taste mint and fresh air, though his breath is hot.

My lungs start to protest, and apparently so do Sasuke's, because he pulls away. I open my eyes to find that I'm lying on my back, Sasuke leaning over me. We lock eyes and stare at each other, breathing heavily, unable to find words. When I take a breath, I can still taste that cool essence.

"…Sasuke…"

He blinks a few times, then his lips slowly form a smile. It's contagious; I can't help smiling back. But it doesn't stop there. He sort of chuckles and I snicker, and before we know it we're laughing together, not because it's funny, but just because we can. Sasuke, smiling uncontrollably, touches his nose to mine, and I pull him in for another quick kiss.

"Shall we go?" he asks.

I nod. He stands and offers me his hand and pulls me up, and we set off for home.

* * *

Going over this chapter after having finished the story, I find myself thinking, "why the hell does half this chapter exist?" It doesn't really develop much of anything in the story. But I don't want to change the number of chapters I have, so I guess I just leave it here…

R+F


	16. Bonds

As if I named this chapter after the Shippuuden Movie…

* * *

The weekend comes soon enough. We spend Friday night doing homework again, to my dismay, but I do feel good to have it behind me when we finish just before dinner. After eating we sort of drift off and do our own thing. I chat on IM with my friends and listen to music; Sasuke pulls out a notebook and writes furiously, scribbling and crossing things out (who knows what it is he's writing). After a while I get bored. I glance over at Sasuke. He's intensely concentrated on whatever he's doing, so I decide not to bother him. I sit around staring blankly at him for a bit, watching the way his hand flies across the page, how he pauses very seldom and only for the briefest of moments. He turns at least five pages before I get bored again. I get up, head to the bathroom for a shower, and fall asleep to the sounds of pen on paper. It goes on and on, and I dream of tests, of taking notes and doing homework and writing essays and tests and more tests. I jolt awake, then realize I haven't actually fallen asleep in the middle of a test like I thought I did. I look for the source of the sound. It's coming from the corner of the room, where Sasuke's desk is. He's sitting there, writing.

"Holy shit, Sasuke, have you been writing all night?"

He snaps out of his zone and swivels his chair around to look at me. "No, dobe. I wasn't wearing my pyjamas all yesterday, in case you hadn't noticed."

I look again. He is indeed in his PJs, whereas yesterday he was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. "I had dreams about writing all night. But, y'know, I don't write in my spare time. So it was all schoolwork and shit." I stick out my tongue in disgust.

"Sorry," he says with a shrug, then turns back to his notebook and keeps writing. I get out of bed and walk up behind his chair, but he closes the book when I get close enough to read it.

"Done already?" I ask, draping my arms over his shoulders and putting my chin on the top of his head.

"For now," he answers, storing the notebook on his shelf. He takes my hands and laces his fingers through with mine. "Any plans for today?"

"Dunno. Wanna go to the arcade with the others or something?"

"I'm not really that into video games."

"Aw. Can't we at least go for a couple of rounds of DDR?"

He looks doubtful. "We're going to attract attention again."

"I think you fail at having fun, teme." My back is starting to hurt from leaning over, so I sit on the edge of his bed, pulling his wheely chair along so I can put my chin over his shoulder. "What do _you_ want to do, then?"

He shrugs.

"Well if you're gonna reject my ideas, then at least come up with your own."

"Then let's go out for a run," he suggests.

I stare at him blankly.

"Jogging, dobe. We'll jog around the grounds."

"I don't want to run. We get enough exercise in gym class."

"You're supposed to exercise every day. We have gym every other day. Come on."

"Don't wanna. Go yourself."

He gently pushes me off of him, then stands up. "I will then."

I take over his chair, sitting backwards on it so I can wrap my arms around the back, and watch as Sasuke goes over to his closet, takes out some gym clothes, and proceeds to the bathroom. I stare at its closed door until he comes back out, then spin the chair so I can see him put his shoes on at the door. He grabs his iPod, slips it in his pocket, and inserts his ear buds.

"See you later, dobe."

"Have fun exercising, teme."

I sit there for several minutes after he leaves, staring into space, mind blank. Eventually I snap out of it. I blink. The room is empty, silent. I used to love this kind of environment, the few moments I could get alone in the dorm. But now, the emptiness seems unwelcome, unfamiliar. The lack of another body – not just any body, but Sasuke – in the dorm makes it feel as though something is missing. I guess it is. Coming to a sudden decision, I change into shorts and a t-shirt, grab my iPod, headphones, and cell, jam on my shoes, and head out.

I hurry outside and look around, and finally spot Sasuke way far away. Not wanting to lose sight of him, I start running rather than jogging on his path. It takes a while before I can see him properly. I lighten my steps, silence my breathing, and silently pull up beside him.

"Hey, teme," I say casually.

He turns, then pulls out his earphones. "Naruto?"

"The one… and only." I grin, panting with the effort it took me to catch up.

"I thought you… didn't want to run," he says between breaths.

"I got bored. Wanna race… to the tree?"

"No… you always win… unless it's a sprint."

"Smart teme." I let out a puff. "We'll stop there then."

We save our breath the rest of the way. Several girls giggle and wave as we pass, making comments to each other about the fact that we're running together as though it weren't as obvious as the sky. Autumn's coldness is finally starting to set in, and the chill is a great relief to us, even though I can still feel the sun's heat on my skin. Hot on the inside and cold on the outside isn't exactly the temperature I like best, but it feels refreshing today.

We slow down when we get to the tree and collapse at its roots, sprawling out on our backs on the ground. As I flop my arms out, my hand falls onto Sasuke's. He looks at me and I look at him, and we smile at each other. Then I remove my hand.

"I don't… mean any… offense by it," I say. "It's just… too hot right now."

"Fair enough," he replies.

We lie there until we catch our breaths, watching the clouds go by. Then I roll over and get up.

"Where are you going?" Sasuke asks.

"Up," I answer. He raises an eyebrow, but I don't elaborate further. He watches me, his head tilting back, as I make a running start for the tree and clamber up it. I situate myself on the branch and wave at him to join me. He sighs, then follows. When he sits down next to me, I put my hand over his and shift a little closer. He turns his hand around to interlace his fingers in mine.

We sit in silence for a long time, just staring out, watching the wind ruffle the long stretch of grass in waves. Eventually I start getting uncomfortable sitting where I am. I'm used to leaning back on the trunk with one leg on either side of the branch, but Sasuke's closer to the trunk now. I casually glance over. He's leaning with one shoulder against the trunk, staring into space. I turn and swing my leg over the tree so that my back is to Sasuke.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Leaning on you," I say, doing just that. "Your shoulder is bony."

"Then don't lean on it, dobe." He twists his body, pulling his shoulder away.

"Whoa—"

I lose balance, falling backwards. Two hands grab my arms just as my head bumps against his chest. I look up to see him looking down at me, and my face reddens.

He smiles at me. He pulls his leg around to straddle the branch as well, then pulls me closer. "Come here."

I sit up and shift back, and he puts his arms around my waist, pulling me back against him. My head settles into the crook of his neck.

"This is nice," I say softly. I look up at him, then turn my head to kiss his jawline. He meets my lips with his in a simple, gentle kiss. When we draw back, I let my head rest against him again, and I press in, turning my face towards his, closing my eyes. He hugs me more tightly and I put my arms over his.

"Don't fall asleep, dobe," he says quietly.

"I won't," I murmur back.

"I'll take a picture of you with your phone."

"My phone doesn't have a camera."

"Nice try, usuratonkachi. I've seen it."

"I didn't bring it with me," I lie. "Anyway, isn't reaching into people's pockets sort of awkward?"

I sense him smirk, then his hand slides down to my stomach. "Are you uncomfortable yet?"

"No."

He slowly goes lower. "Are you uncomfortable yet?"

"No."

Lower. "Are you—"

"Yes, stop," I say loudly, squirming away from his touch. He laughs and moves his hand back up. It's with caution that I return to lying on him, all my senses alert.

"Relax, Naruto. I won't do it again, I promise."

"As if I can trust you after that, teme," I shoot back, but I decide to give him a second chance anyway. He keeps to his word. I breathe in deeply, smelling that scent again – his scent. He takes my hands and rubs circles into my palms. I sink farther and farther into this comfort, surrounded by everything that is Sasuke.

—

I wake up to find a chin resting on my shoulder, the head leaning against mine. I smile – it seems I'm not the only one who fell asleep. I suddenly remember Sasuke's threat to take a picture of me sleeping. Taking care not to move too much, I dig my phone out of my pocket and flip it open. Sure enough, there on the wallpaper of the home screen is an image of me and Sasuke in the tree – me sleeping, Sasuke smiling at the camera. I smile back at his picture. I go to delete it, but my finger pauses on the button. I look at it one more time, then decide to keep it. Instead I take a second picture, this time of Sasuke sleeping. He looks silly. (I won't tell him about this picture. And I'll back it up on my computer just in case he finds it.)

I sit in silence a while longer. I have to admit that it feels nice to have Sasuke there behind me, so close to me. It's something that could easily be awkward, but I don't feel that way. It makes me happy to know that. I can feel his presence not only with my physical senses but with some sort of other sense that I've always attributed to Kyuubi.

I pinpoint Sasuke's presence – it's not hard; he's the only person anywhere near and he's so close to me anyway. It's not a very strong presence (some people like Kiba are much easier to sense than others), but it stands out to me. I've always known when Sasuke was around. I built up a negative reaction to his presence after all that happened, and learned to dread whatever was to come when that feeling appeared. Now, though… I think back to when he left me to go jogging. That emptiness was because I couldn't feel his presence anymore. Suddenly the feeling of his presence has become a good thing.

Sasuke wakes up – I sense it before I feel him stir. His eyes open and I glance over at him.

"You know what I realized?" I say as he pulls back from my shoulder.

He yawns, stretching, before hugging me again. "What did you realize?"

"It's only been a week since my birthday. And yet so much has already happened. A week ago I wouldn't have thought I would ever find us sitting together like this. Actually, I never thought I would find myself sitting like this with anyone, not least because I would have imagined me being the one hugging the girl."

"That's because you're the uke," he says playfully, patting my head. "It's my job to hug you."

"Wanna switch then?" I say, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I'm comfortable. Aren't you?"

"Yeah," I say reluctantly. "Anyway, you said you wouldn't call me that anymore."

"I can still call you dobe, though, right? Dobe."

I roll my eyes. "I guess you can, teme."

We sit there for longer than I can remember, chatting quietly or just sitting in silence. I wouldn't call it anything so girly as _cuddling_, but I guess it's the same idea. I feel warm and secure, like when you wrap yourself in a nice soft blanket. I can feel Sasuke's chest rise and fall slowly as he breathes. I can feel his breath ruffle my hair gently. And I can feel when his stomach rumbles.

"Sorry," he says with a small laugh. "Must be about lunchtime."

I pull out my phone to check. "It's nearly two. No wonder."

I drop off the branch, then help Sasuke down as well, managing not to fall over this time when I catch him. We return to our dorm for quick showers and to get our money, then grab some food at the cafeteria. Looking for a table to sit down, we spot Neji and his cousin Hinata.

"Hey, Neji," I call. He and Hinata both look over, and Hinata goes beet red and turns away quickly. "Can we sit with you guys?"

"Go ahead," he replies. We take the seats across from them.

"Hi, Hinata," I say, grinning at her across the table.

"…H…Hello, Naruto-k-kun." She looks shyly up at me and smiles a little before returning to her food.

"How've you been? I haven't talked to you in a while."

"F-fine," she says. "And… you?"

"I'm doing great. Do you know Sasuke?"

"N-not really…"

"Well, now you do."

Sasuke smiles at Hinata. "Nice to meet you, Hinata-san."

"You too, Sasuke-san. Well, I've got to go, so I'll – I'll talk to you later."

"Alright. See ya, Hinata."

She turns bright red and hurries off.

"Funny," I mutter, "she didn't pass out this time."

Neji smiles in amusement. "Yes, I noticed that. She still did leave rather quickly, though."

"Sorry, did we interrupt something?"

"No, not at all."

"It must be hard for her," I muse, staring off in the direction she fled. "I mean, I never even knew she had a crush on me… and then I start going out with Sasuke, and, well… I guess it would be better that she can't really take it personally, seeing as how Sasuke's a guy."

"She's taking it quite well, really," Neji says. "The fact that she was able to talk to you at all has to count for something. And you know how girls are about this kind of thing."

I frown at him for a moment, then Sakura's explanation comes back to me. "What, the shounen-ai thing? She's into that too? I never would have guessed."

"Teens are teens," Neji shrugs. "There's a lot more to people than you know, more than you may ever find out."

—

As Sasuke and I walk back to the dorm, I think about what Neji said. When I think about it, I don't know that much about Sasuke. He mentioned the Uchiha bankruptcy once, and he wants to avoid his brother… but that's all I've learned about his family. Where are his parents? Doesn't he go visit them? What about him? Likes and dislikes? Hobbies? Fears, goals, dreams?

And how much does he know about me? He knows about the Kyuubi. It's a demon trapped inside of me. And that's pretty much all I know about it too. My personality is easy to figure out; I'm a lot more talkative than he is. Hobbies… I guess doing what I do with my friends counts for a lot of that. But then there's the music. How much have I said in music class? I can't remember. Would he have paid attention?

"You okay there, Naruto?"

"Huh?" I blink, then realize we've arrived at our dorm room.

"The thinking face doesn't suit you," Sasuke sniggers. I hit him upside the head and flop down on my mattress. He sits down on his. "What's on your mind?"

"We don't talk enough," I say immediately.

"Oh?"

"Did you know I want to be a musician?" I turn to face him.

He nods. "I heard you mention it before in music class."

"Oh." I turn back to stare at the ceiling. "The only thing I need to figure out is the guitar. Then I could be my own band. Y'know, if there were more than one of me."

"You could record the parts and put them together. That would be pretty cool."

"Yeah, it would. But I wouldn't be able to do live concerts or anything. Anyway, I think it'd be more fun making music in a group. What do you want to be?"

He says nothing for a moment. Then: "…I don't know."

"What?" I sit up. Sasuke's expression is dark.

"Maybe a lawyer. Or part of the police force. I… want revenge."

I frown. "For what?"

"For… for what my brother did to my family." He puts a hand to his face. "I can't talk about it yet. I'm sorry, Naruto."

"No," I say automatically, shaking my head. "Don't be sorry."

"I swear I'll tell you one day. Just… not today. It's not you, it's just… it's… I've never told anyone before, and I still… don't want to think about it. It makes me angry. I can't…"

The knuckles of his hand on his headboard are white. I walk over and sit next to him. He lowers his hand from his face to look at me, and I take it in mine.

"I'll wait. Tell me when you're ready."

He smiles and relaxes. "I will. I promise."

"In the meantime," I say, "tell me about you."

"About…?"

"I think… I think I don't know enough about you. What do you like to do? What do you not like? What are you afraid of?"

Sasuke thinks about this, then shifts back to lean against the wall before motioning me closer. I shift back too, intending to sit next to him, but he grabs me around the waist and pulls me in front of him. Then he starts sifting his fingers slowly through my hair. I'm confused by his actions, but it feels nice, so I say nothing, relaxing into the feeling.

"Well," he starts, "I like… lots of things, I guess. I like you."

I roll my eyes. "That's the obvious one," I say, then more warmly, "I like you too."

He smiles. "Colours… blue and black, mainly. I especially like the colour of your eyes, Naruto… they're so bright. But I also like green. I suppose I favour darker colours in general. As for a hobby, I guess that would be writing."

"What do you write? Poetry? Stories?"

"Mostly stories. I get poetic urges from time to time, but I don't think I'm really cut out for it. I just feel sort of… pretentious, you know? Poetry is a different art, and just because I can write stories doesn't mean I can write poetry."

"I think you'd write great poetry," I argue. "Those letters you sent me; some of them could be poems. I got the feeling that if the letters kept coming, some of them would have poetry. You can only write so much to a person you don't even talk to. Have you ever thought about being a writer? Like, as a profession?"

"Yeah, I guess. It would have to be a side job, though, and I don't know if I like the idea of having an editor change my stories for the sake of selling. I think turning my hobby into a job would take the fun out of it."

"Yeah… it's the same for music, really. I mean, it's useful to have someone working with you if you can't write your own stuff – god knows I can't – but what if what they write isn't what you want to perform?" I shrug. "I think we think too much sometimes. Maybe I can just go with the flow and see how everything turns out. What kinds of food do you like?"

"Mm… tomatoes."

"Are you serious? I hate them."

He leans on my back and puts his chin over my shoulder. "Why would you? They're very nutritious."

"I dunno, the texture is just… weird. And I can't stand their taste."

"Hm." He leans back again, puts his hands on my shoulders, and starts rubbing small circles into my back with his thumbs. "They're good for you. And they're not too sweet."

"Yeah, that's why I don't like them."

"I'm not that fond of sweets, really. Health is important. People eat all too much junk food these days."

With a loud buzz, my cellphone starts vibrating, crawling across the desk. I go over and read the text message from Kiba: _Friday Night. Meet us in the common room at 9._

"Hey, Sasuke, wanna go to the Stoneheads tonight?"

"Will your friends mind if I tag along?"

" 'Course not. You're their friend too. So it's a yes?"

"Sure."

I send back, _See you there. I'm bringing Sasuke._ Then I toss the phone back on my desk and go back to sitting in front of Sasuke. He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me back, putting his chin on the top of my head.

"I don't even remember what happened last time I went to the Stoneheads," I say. "Man, was I ever drunk."

"You better not have done anything you'd regret." Sasuke sounds disapproving, but there's also another tone to his voice, something I can't quite figure out.

"No, of course not. The others were with me."

"You can't predict what you do when you're drunk, Naruto," he says. "For all you know you could have shaken them off and made out with some random guy."

"In case you've forgotten, teme, I'm straight and you're an exception."

"What if the guy looked a lot like a girl?"

"Then he would've been you, 'cause I've never seen anyone girlier. What the hell makes you the seme anyway?"

"Hey, don't discriminate against gender. Just because you fit the male stereotype better, doesn't mean I don't make a better seme."

"Yeah it does! The uke's always cute and girly and innocent and shorter than the seme."

"That's three out of four, dobe."

"What?"

"Look, stand up. I'm taller than you." We stand and compare heights. It's hard to tell with just the two of us, and it's not that much of a difference, but he's right.

I roll my eyes. " 'Kay, whatever, but the main part is the girliness, and that's _you_."

"Yeah?" He pushes me. I trip over the edge of the bed and fall onto it. Before I know what's happening, he kisses me. Despite the argument I'm trying to win here, his lips drown out anything I might have said. He opens his mouth and our tongues meet, and instantly we're battling, pushing at each other, trying to gain dominance. He grazes the underside of my tongue with the tip of his, and all my motor senses shut down. By the time I come back to myself, he has complete control, leading the dance, and I can only follow. I protest weakly, but my body's already surrendered, revelling in the sensations.

Finally Sasuke pulls back, his bangs hanging down and brushing my forehead. He smirks. "This is why you're uke."

I run my tongue along my lips, still tasting him. "Goddammit."

"Admit it, you like it."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Then why don't we switch roles and see how that works out?"

He smiles like he's sure he can't lose. He sits up, leaning back against the wall. "I'm all yours."

I waste no time, getting up as well and leaning over the side of the bed. With one hand on the wall and another in Sasuke's hair, I all but attack his lips, tipping his head back. He doesn't move his hands, refusing to cling to me, but not making a move to take over either, as though truly willing to see what happens. I lick at his lower lip, then take it between my teeth and gently nip it, hearing his breath hitch when I do so. I nibble a bit longer, then run my tongue along his teeth, reaching every inch of his mouth, wondering how the hell his teeth are so straight. His tongue is still, so I flick at it, teasing him, trying to get him to follow in another dance. But he doesn't respond, adamantly not moving, allowing my tongue to get under his but not more than that. Annoyed, I touch the tips of our tongues together for a moment, then gently pull up. He finally follows this time, for just a brief second. I give a small growl into his mouth and repeat the process. He doesn't even budge. Fed up, I pull back, panting.

"I definitely make a better seme," he says matter-of-factly. "And I can tell you liked being uke more."

"That's just 'cause you refused to participate," I huff.

"No, you just didn't interest me. On the other hand, the first time I did it, you were following me without question."

"Why are we talking about this so freely anyway?" I ask, trying to ignore the heat in my cheeks. "You can't just ramble on about sensitive subjects."

"Oh, grow a backbone, dobe. We can't be shy around each other forever." He takes my wrist and pulls me into a hug. I give up, relaxing into him. He presses a small kiss to my forehead, and I smile. I guess there is something nice about letting Sasuke lead the way. It's still embarrassing to think about that kiss, but to be honest, when I had control, it just wasn't the same. I mean, I've made out with my fair share of drunk girls at the Stoneheads, and I've never had any trouble taking the lead, but there's something about Sasuke that doesn't click like that. I would never admit it, but I did enjoy the first kiss more. The way Sasuke kisses me, as though I'm the centre of the universe; as though I'm the only one… Maybe it is nicer being uke.

But I would never admit it.

* * *

Bit of a slow chapter here; not so much plot as character development.

The "are you uncomfortable yet" game is inspired by my friend, who apparently says she and her group always end up just groping each other because nobody cares. I don't know if it has a standard name, but I've heard from readers around the world who know of it.

I'm a fantasy writer by nature, so it's hard for me to keep the supernatural influences in this story to a minimum. They end up finding their way in anyway… I don't want to enhance Naruto's superhuman senses too much. It's just important that he knows Sasuke's presence.

R+F


	17. Not Yet

After dinner, Naruto and I head back to our dorm to get ready before going to the Stoneheads.

"You're not gonna be a stoic bastard as usual, are you?" he says as he makes his way to his closet. "I mean, you'll dance and stuff?"

"What do you mean, as usual?" I retort. "Of course I'll dance."

He doesn't look convinced.

"Let me correct myself." I sneak up behind him and slide my arms around his waist. "I'll dance if it's with you."

"You're either a creeper or extremely sentimental," he says, though his tone is amused and his fingers trail over my arms. "Or both. 'Kay, get off. I need to change."

I comply, heading over to my own closet. I pick out a comfortable navy blue T-shirt and a pair of fairly low-rise jeans, dark and worn. Then I proceed to change.

"It's cold today, but it'll be hot in the club," Naruto observes. "Maybe I should just ditch the sweater… what do you think, Sasuke?"

"Take a sweater, unless you're planning on running all the way there." I pull on my own jacket, leaving it unzipped.

"Okay, fine." He puts on the same clothes he wore on our first date: the orange shirt with the swirl and spokes at his stomach and the black pants with the chain across one side. He grabs a hoodie and his phone. I lock the door behind us, then slip the keys in my pocket.

We make our way to the common room of our dorm building. Each building has a common room, a gathering place for students. Students of opposite genders are not allowed into each other's common rooms. I don't usually come here; I was never the social type and I never did like the attention I garner from the student population. It's a shame, really, because the common room is quite nice – cozy, with a fireplace, and comfortable chairs and coffee tables everywhere.

We spot Kiba and Sai in a little group of chairs in a corner. As soon as we enter, Kiba jumps up and waves at us to come over. Naruto looks critically at the sofa Kiba's on – meant for two people, the only one in the circle that isn't a single seat; nevertheless, it's quite large.

"Hey, Kiba, wanna budge over a bit?" he asks.

"Why? There are other chairs to sit in," says Kiba, waving lazily at an armchair.

Naruto seems slightly annoyed by this. "Come on, don't be like that. Just squish over a little."

Kiba does nothing for a moment, then finally concedes and makes room. Naruto sits in the middle; I take the space to his left, quite aware of how his arm is pressed up against mine, although there's a couple of inches between Naruto and Kiba. Naruto doesn't seem to mind, though, so I say nothing. Kiba looks disgruntled at this seating arrangement, but he doesn't show it as he says, "It's been a while since we've gone, hasn't it?"

"Yeah. Wanna have a contest again?"

"Hell no," he says immediately. "Last time we did that I threw up on some random chick and she freakin' slapped me to death. Not to mention the splitting headache…"

"You're just a sissy at drinking," Naruto taunts. "I drank way more than you and I didn't feel a thing."

"Hey, that's not my fault!" Kiba says. "Anyway, how would you remember that you drank more? You were too drunk to even take the money. I woulda kept it if Sai hadn't stuffed it into your pocket."

I distinctly remember that night. (As if I could forget it.) So it was a bet? It explains quite a bit. What better way to get Naruto to drink enough to forget the face of the person he hated the most?

"Is that where it came from?" Naruto says as though he just had an epiphany. I roll my eyes.

"Yes, dolt! See what I mean?" says Kiba.

"I remember I drank more than you precisely _because_ I remember nothing from that night. It's a hindsight thing."

"Whatever. No way am I doing that again, though. I remember every minute, and it sucked."

A hand comes down on each of their heads. Turning, we see Gaara behind the couch.

"You guys aren't going to drink yourselves stupid again, are you?" he asks.

"No, that's exactly what I just said," Kiba explains. "I'm not ever gonna go through that hangover again."

"Do what you want," says Naruto carelessly, "I thought it was loads of fun."

"How could you even tell?"

He shrugs, laughing.

"I think we're going to have to keep a closer eye on you, Naruto," comes Neji's voice from behind.

Naruto opens his mouth to reply, but I take over for him. "Don't worry. I'll take care of the dobe."

"What are you, my mother?" he says accusingly.

"No, I'm your seme, and it pretty much amounts to the same thing."

Everyone looks at us confusedly when I say "seme," except for Sai, who snorts. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that he understands and no one else does.

Naruto notices Sai's reaction too. He glares at me. "One, no you're not, and two, I thought we weren't talking about this anymore anyway."

"Dammit, where's Shikamaru?" Kiba says loudly. "He's always late."

"You know," says Gaara, "that as soon as he gets here we'll leave, and then he'll complain about having walked all this way just to go back."

"Freakin' lazy ass," Kiba mutters. "Then let's go pick him up or something, and then _we_ can complain about how _we_ had to walk up all those stairs again. He only would've had to go down a couple extra halls, anyway."

"I'll go," Naruto volunteers. "We don't all have to. Just wait at the entrance."

We all head out of the common room and into the hall. I consider offering to go with Naruto, but Kiba beats me to it. I could swear he shoots me a triumphant look before he follows Naruto up the stairs. I raise an eyebrow in response, though I'm not sure he sees me.

A slightly awkward silence follows. Leaning against the door frame of the building's entrance, I glance sideways at the others. Sai, strange as he is, is unreadable. Neji looks neither bored nor interested in anything, although it's hard to tell with those blank, pale eyes of his. Gaara looks around at us all, then attempts to make conversation.

"So… Sasuke, have you ever been to the Stoneheads?" he asks, pulling off a very good impression of casualness, if indeed it's an act.

I consider how I should answer. Since we're all underage, it's a somewhat sensitive question, sort of like how you wouldn't ask someone whether they do drugs. But maybe this is my chance to get to know Naruto's friends better. He does seem to want to integrate me into his group, and maybe I can learn more about him through them. And, I assume, like the drug question, you might be more inclined to answer if both parties partake in the activity.

"Yes," I say. "Once in a while."

"If you don't mind my asking," Gaara continues, a little cautiously, "how are you and Naruto getting along?"

"Has he not talked about it?"

"It seems we don't get to hang out much lately," he says. "Yes, he talks about you a lot. From what I gather, he's really happy. I guess we should thank you for that. Naruto's wanted something like this for so long."

I smile. "I'm glad. I think it's going well, all things considered. I mean, especially after before… well, I guess I'm just very grateful that everything turned out as well as it did. Things could have been a lot worse."

"Naruto's an open soul," Neji says. "He'll forgive anyone. You've given him more of a chance than anybody else."

"To be honest," Gaara adds, "we'd been trying to find someone to hook him up with for ages before he started getting those letters." He gives me a significant look, confirming my long standing suspicions that he told them most everything. It's not like I was expecting him to keep it a secret. "But there wasn't really anyone. Sakura said he was too much like a brother to her, and Hinata just squeaked and ran away."

"And you would never have considered another guy," I conclude for him.

"Yeah. Well, like Kiba said, Naruto's always seemed straight."

"He told me once that he's straight and I'm an exception." I shrug. Just then footsteps approach down the stairs, accompanied by loud voices.

"Just be glad we decided to drag your lazy ass down here at all," Kiba's saying. "We could have just left without you, y'know?"

"Yeah, then I could've slept," says Shikamaru.

"You said you would come!"

By this point they've reached us. Naruto's eyes seem to light up when he sees me, and he comes over to take my hand. "Well," he says, "what are we waiting for?"

Partly as an experiment, I let go of Naruto's hand while going through the door, as it's too small to fit two people at once. When we're both through, Naruto – of his own will – falls into step next to me and takes my hand again. This fills me with contentment, but I don't fail to notice a little antagonism from Kiba's direction. A sense of protection, almost dominance, rises in me at this. I may not be the most knowledgeable about social situations, but his jealousy is unmistakable, however slight.

Naruto and I find ourselves in the middle of the group as we all set off, with Kiba and Gaara in front of us and the others taking up the rear.

"Ne, Sasuke," Naruto says, "wanna have a drinking contest?"

"You'll lose."

"How do you know that?" he asks accusingly, clearly offended by my immediate reply.

"Because I've never drunk to the point of memory loss before," I say simply.

"What's the most you've had in one night?"

"Enough to knock you out."

He frowns. "I don't believe you."

"Hn. You wouldn't, dobe."

"What is that, some sort of Uchiha talent?"

I shrug. "Probably genetic, yes."

"I still don't believe you. Prove it when we get there."

"No."

"What? Why?"

I look at him critically. "Think about it, dobe. We're going to a night club. Drinking contests are expensive enough when you're not paying for service too."

"Aw, that's true…" he looks quite put out at being shot down. "We can still get drunk though, right?"

"Yes, yes, so long as you don't drink yourself stupid like you said you did last time."

"Tough luck," Kiba puts in. "He's already stupid."

"Hey!" Naruto shouts, leaping forward to punch Kiba not-so-gently on the shoulder. I let him go. Hooking my thumbs into my pockets, I watch as the two idiots wrestle with each other with much yelling and name-calling while still trying to walk in a straight line. They finally stop when Kiba nearly falls off the sidewalk and Naruto has to grab his wrist and pull him back to save him.

"Well anyway, I'm not the only idiot," he pouts, glancing from Kiba to me.

"Hn," I say.

"What's that even supposed to mean? You say 'hn' to everything." He begins a mock dialogue, switching between an exaggerated version of his enthusiastic self and an apathetic impression of what I'm supposing is me. " 'Hey, teme?' 'Hn.' 'What do you want to eat?' 'Hn.' 'Wanna go jump off a cliff?' 'Hn.' How am I supposed to understand a noise that means whatever _you_ want it to?"

Just to spite him, my answer is "Hn." He rolls his eyes; I smirk.

"Well if you're gonna be difficult, I'll interpret it however _I_ want."

He comes over and slides his fingers down the inside of my wrist, easing into my palm. Almost by reaction my thumb comes out of my pocket and I interlace my fingers with his. It takes me a moment to realize how casual that whole sequence was. Naruto himself doesn't seem to notice exactly what he's done. Kiba, though, didn't miss a thing, and I suspect the others behind us aren't as blind as Naruto. When he notices me glancing his way, he gives me an oblivious smile. I smile back, unable to help linking the word "cute" to that face.

"Oh!" says Kiba suddenly. "Naruto, remember that game, Pandemic or whatever? I finally figured out a foolproof way to get Madagascar."

"Really? What is it?"

Kiba starts rattling off some sort of procedure that I don't entirely understand, although from what I can gather, it's a computer game about diseases. Why anyone would want to play it, I don't know, but Naruto and Kiba certainly seem interested, and the others join in too. Soon enough they start talking about other games involving who knows what else. I tune them out, but I don't fail to notice that although Naruto uses a lot of hand gestures to emphasize his words, he never uses the hand that's holding mine – he never lets go.

As soon as we walk through the doors of the Stoneheads and give our jackets over to the coat check, Naruto exclaims, "Oh man, I love this song!" and, without further ado, proceeds to drag me into the crowd. I've probably heard the song a couple times before, but I don't know it very well. It's got an infectious rhythm, and already Naruto is beginning to get into it, singing loudly over the blaring music, half-dancing, half-walking. When Naruto turns and grins at me in a "you should be dancing too" sort of way, I suddenly find myself swaying to the beat.

His grin widens and he leads me into a dance, more energetic than anything. He goes all out, arms going every which way, while my movements are more subtle and flowing. I watch as he rattles off a series of angular movements that create an intriguing, almost robotic effect. On one hand, he looks almost ridiculous; on the other, it's pretty cool. We dance for a few more songs; then when a completely new one comes up, one that I've never heard before, he suddenly looks around.

"Come on!" He grabs my arm again and takes off, looking all over. Finally he spots what he's searching for and we dive through the throngs of people to meet up with Kiba.

"Kiba! Kiba, it's this song!"

"Stop barking in my ear!" Kiba shouts back. "Okay, okay. Let's go."

They tap their toes to the beat, then start to dance. I step back to watch as they execute move after move, a practiced dance made for two. The bass thrums through our feet. An interested crowd gathers, forming a circle around them. Then, to my surprise, they start breakdancing. (I never knew Naruto could do this sort of stuff.) He does a handstand, throwing his other arm up and making a peace sign before he lurches back and Kiba swings his body back over him. The crowd cheers and claps; Kiba and Naruto flip into handstands and, with a speed and precision that must have taken ages to perfect, put their feet against each other just as the last note of the song sounds. Everyone cheers again. They push off each other to stand upright and exchange high fives.

I go up to them. "Impressive."

Naruto beams; even Kiba looks pleased. "Good luck the song came early," Naruto says. "No way could we have done that drunk. Speaking of which, wanna hit the bar now?"

And so, still moving to the rhythm of the music, we head off the dance floor. Kiba gets a beer, Naruto orders whiskey, and I get a strong vodka and lemonade mix.

"Cheers," says Naruto, raising his glass. We knock our glasses together.

It's almost impressive – Kiba and Naruto are drunk by the time Kiba finishes his second beer. I'm on my fourth drink, mixing vodka and rum. Naruto gave up after the first shot and resorted to better-tasting things (thank god). I don't fail to notice how Kiba and Naruto get louder and louder, and I find myself raising my own volume just to keep up with them. As I polish off my fifth glass (not without a trip to the washroom, of course), Naruto turns to me. "You still sober, Sas'ke?" he asks loudly, nearly tipping over his sake screwdriver.

"I think he's cheating," Kiba slurs. "Dumpin' the drinks in the garbage or sum'thin' when we're not lookin'."

"Don't be ridiculous," I scoff, "You watched me drink all of it right here. There's no garbage anywhere near us, anyway."

They both laugh. Naruto empties his glass, then slams it down on the bar. "Everything's going swoosh. Hey, teme, wanna dance?"

"Great lead-in there," I say, raising an eyebrow at his flushed face. "Gimme a minute, I'm not drunk enough yet." I take another gulp of my drink.

"Y'never seemed like the kinda person to get drunk," Kiba says. "Y'know? I always thought you were a prude, in all respects."

"Thanks," I mutter.

"No problem."

"It was sarcasm, stupid."

"So was mine, stupid!"

It's not even worth arguing with a drunk Kiba. I ignore him in favour of emptying my glass into my mouth, the alcohol sending a rush of heat through my veins.

"I'ma go to the washroom," Naruto says. He stands up and makes for the doors not too far away.

" 'Ey, Naruto!" Kiba shouts. "That's the girls' – oh for god's sake."

I stand, go up to Naruto, grab him by the shoulders, and steer him over to the other door. "There are no urinals in the women's, usuratonkachi."

"How c'n you remember such a big word after drinkin' all that?" he asks.

"I'm not as drunk as you. Go on." I push him towards the door and walk back.

Kiba's staring at me with something close to awe. "As if you c'n walk in a straight line still."

"What'd I tell you?"

"Whatever. Anyway, listen." He turns serious, or rather, as serious as he can get with this much alcohol in him. "About Naruto."

"What? You jealous of us? I thought you said you guys were both straight." Normally I wouldn't dare taunt someone like this unless I knew them as a friend – or if it was Naruto and I was being an asshole to him – but the alcohol's making me a bit reckless and the regret factor isn't really kicking in like it should.

"Not like that, bastard!" he shouts, all too loudly. "We never see him anymore. He's always hangin' out with you nowadays. Go ahead an' be all lovey-dovey, but don't friggin' hog him, 'kay?"

"I'm not _hogging_ him. Y'know that time you called and asked him to go to the arcade? I said he could go. I would've been fine with it. But he said he wanted to spend the night with me, so I did what he wanted. If you wanna see him more often, then why don't you try talking to him instead?"

"Maybe I will!"

"Geez, don't yell. We're not all deaf like you."

A body chooses that moment to drape itself over me. Tanned arms slip around my waist and the tip of a tongue glides up the shell of my ear before a pair of smirking lips murmurs, "Wanna dance now?"

"Aw, come on," says Kiba, turning away, "save it for the dance floor. I don't need'a see that."

Naruto grins; I roll my eyes with a smile. "Okay, dobe. Let's go."

"See ya later, Kiba," he says, waving.

"Yeah." I swear I hear Kiba mutter, "Hope I don't run into you guys out there."

Naruto turns around and half-walks, half-dances backwards, pulling me by both hands. Naruto dances differently drunk than when he's sober; his actions are smoother, more flowy, and more open. I follow his movements, mirroring him. Letting go of his hands, I slide mine up his arms and onto his shoulders, effectively decreasing the distance between us by half. We dance like this song after song. Naruto seems to be enjoying himself a lot, and in all honesty, I'm getting more and more into it with each minute that passes.

As the song switches to a more sensual feel, Naruto pulls me even closer, locking his fingers together behind my back.

"You drunk enough now, then?" he asks.

"Mm… I guess."

"Do you only dance drunk or what?"

"I was dancing before," I argue. "But when you took the spotlight, I wanted to watch."

"Figures it'd take you alcohol to get loose."

"Have you been listening?"

"Not when your fingers are against my neck like that." He leans forward and kisses me, mouth open. Not having expected it, I can't stop him from pushing his tongue against mine. The later drinks he had can't completely cover up the taste of the whiskey, but it's enough for me to enjoy the kiss anyway, focusing on the other flavours, especially that of Naruto himself. I automatically take over, pulling his bottom lip into my mouth and nibbling gently, but he protests and nips my top lip a little more forcefully than required. Then he somehow gets my tongue into his mouth and starts sucking. Caught off guard, my breath catches, and before I know it he's dominated the kiss.

We part for air only briefly before he dives in again. Only when his whole body is pressed against me do I notice how close we've gotten to each other, and still we're dancing. His fingers are in my hair, his other hand pressing against the arch of my back, pulling me closer. I surrender myself to the sensations for a moment longer – a long moment – and then I pull away.

"Hey, watch it," I warn, though teasingly. "I'm supposed to be seme here."

"You're too much of a prude to be seme," he teases back.

"Then why don't you take over?"

"Teme, that's what I'm doing now."

"I mean when you're not drunk."

" 'Cause I'm too embarrassed. Look, even you loosen up when you're drunk. No way a sober Sasuke-teme would talk like you're talking now."

"Sure I would," I say. "We just need to get more comfortable around each other."

"What, you're not comfy enough already? Freakin' trying to feel me up in the tree today."

"That's just 'cause you were uncomfortable. I was teasing you."

"Fine. You wanna get comfortable? Let's get comfortable." He presses his forehead against mine and looks right into my eyes. His bright blue ones are alight, enticing me into a mood I'm not sure I want to be in. One of his hands descends down my back, passing over the waistband of my jeans and continuing down; the other trails up my jawline, then ghosts down my neck and over my collarbone, tracing lines down my front. He kisses me again, tongue first this time, and then we're in two dances: one with our bodies, and one with our tongues. I can feel his hands painting nonsense all over my back, my chest, my arms, my shoulders, my neck, my face. His fingers press in all the right places, along my spine, across my collarbones, behind my ears. I can feel his hair under my fingertips, the back of his shirt in my fist. It's not until we're both gasping for air that he drags his tongue across my jawline and up the shell of my ear.

He touches our cheeks together and breathes, "Comfortable yet?"

"Naruto, you're drunk," I murmur back. "You wouldn't do this sober."

"Maybe not… so what?" he rolls his hips against mine, making my breath hitch.

"So how do you know you won't do something you'll… mmn… regret?" I'm having a hard time resisting the way his fingers are blazing trails of fire across my chest and over my abs.

"What am I gonna regret? 'S'you and me. It's not like I'm dancing with a stranger."

"Idiot…" I drop my forehead against his shoulder, thumbs rubbing circles in the little indents in his back right under his waistband. "That's like asking how much worse a situation can get."

"Yeah," he says, a grin spreading across his face. "I always did like tempting fate."

"Dobe." My head shoots up as his tongue flicks against the nape of my neck. Lips press down over the spot and he sucks hard. A feeling I can only attribute to hormones flares through my body like wildfire. Unbidden, my hips lurch forward, bumping against his. His breath escapes through his teeth in a hiss against my skin, and though the air is warm, goosebumps erupt down my arms. "Naruto…"

"Mm," he breathes, eyelashes fluttering against my skin. "Say it again…"

"What?" I pull back, slightly alarmed.

"It sounds nice when you say it like that…"

"Okay, no." I hold him at arm's length and stop dancing, then take a deep breath. "I'm not going to take advantage of you while you're drunk."

"What are you talking about?" he asks, oblivious. "If anything, this is me taking advantage of you. And you're not even drunk… fancy that."

"Stop it, Naruto." My stern tone finally gets through his inebriated thoughts. "I can't do this. No matter how much either of us might want to, I'm not going to let this happen under the influence."

"You're a spoilsport," he pouts.

I run a hand through his hair. "I'd rather be a spoilsport for a night than do something you or I would regret the rest of our lives."

He looks extremely put out. I take his hand and rub small circles into his palm. He seems to relax a little, though still not entirely happy.

"What time is it?" he asks.

"You're the one with the cellphone."

"True." He digs it out and peers at the bright screen. "It's only eleven."

"How long were we drinking?"

"Dunno. An hour, maybe two. Wanna… wanna go home?"

I glance at him. He looks tired, all of a sudden. "Do you?"

"Sorta…"

"Do we need to tell the others?"

"I'll text Kiba."

He sends Kiba a message while I lead us through the crowd back to the entrance. We get our sweaters and head out. The night is cold, even against the buzz of alcohol in our systems; Naruto grips my hand tightly, leaning on me for support.

"Look, should we get a taxi?" I ask. "You can barely walk straight."

"Mm… yeah. Okay."

We're silent the whole way back. I stare out the window, watching lights pass. Part of me regrets ruining the fun. I consider Naruto's question: what could we have done that we'd regret, indeed? There's no denying that I want Naruto's affection in more than just emotions. But how much does he want me? I feel like nothing counts when we're drunk, but if that's so, then shouldn't it not matter?

At Konoha High's gates, I pay the taxi driver. Then we walk the rest of the way to our dorm. Naruto's practically sleepwalking by the time we get back. He changes into PJs and pretty much collapses in bed. I pull the covers over him, then sit on my bed for a while, watching his slowly breathing form, still wondering why I stopped him.

* * *

Before anyone else asks, no, I don't actually know a foolproof way to get Madagascar in Pandemic. In fact, I've never played, only seen others playing it.

Researching drinking is strangely quite amusing. Relatedly, so is writing drunk people. Finally I can get Sasuke to loosen up in a way that doesn't involve being a clever pervert or a competitive bastard. Learning about it on Wikipedia is certainly different from experiencing it firsthand, though. In a way I'm glad I've tried it out, though I have yet to become seriously drunk… and I'm glad for that as well.

I finally watched the Naruto Shippuuden Bonds movie. It was pretty good. Sasuke's such an emo teen. He was a fun pre-teen, though.

R+F


	18. Feral

Here comes trouble…

A bunch of swearing and offensive stuff in this chapter.

* * *

I wake up in my bed the next morning with my memory completely intact and very vivid. I lie there on my stomach for a while, staring at the wall. Then I hear the bathroom door open and soft steps leading out of it.

"Thanks for stopping me," I mutter.

The footsteps stop.

"You're welcome," says Sasuke quietly.

"You were right. I would have done something stupid. I mean, I…" I roll onto my side. I don't know. I wanted to do stupid things. I didn't think they were stupid then, but now I do. I wanted it. Do I want it now? I don't know.

"Can we forget about it?" Silently I add, _Can we forget about it, and just be stupid teens who wanted more than they could handle?_

"Yes." I can hear his unspoken words too: _Yes, but only for so long._

—

Something seems different, that day. Sasuke and I hardly speak, let alone get close to each other. He says nothing when I silently leave to hang out with the gang for a bit. I expect to be gone for hours, but I come back in half – I can't get my mind off of the memories; I can't make myself feel involved even in an idle chat. Kiba asks if something happened last night. I lie. When I go back to the dorm, it's to find it locked and empty, and I left my key inside. So I sit down, back against the door, and wait.

Sasuke just looks at me when he comes back. I stand to let him open the door, staring at the backs of his feet. He lets me go in first and closes the door behind us, but before I can retreat to my bed, his fingers close around my wrist. I flinch at the touch and turn around and my eyes immediately lock with his.

Neither of us speaks. We just look at each other, trying to tell each other something, anything, everything with our eyes. Sasuke says, this isn't right; we can't do this forever. I say, I don't know what else to do.

He lets go of my wrist, but I don't move. I can still feel the ghost of his touch against my skin.

I say, I'm afraid.

He says, face your fears.

I raise my hands and slowly reach out. My fingertips meet his chest, then my palms flatten against the front of his shirt. He doesn't move. I feel none of the impulsive emotions of last night, no surging heat or tingling.

So I let my hands slide upwards. I slip them over his shoulders and around his back, and I move closer, until my arms are tight around him and my body presses against his and my chin hooks over his shoulder.

"I need to know I can still touch you without making that mistake again," I whisper.

_For myself. For you. For us._

His arms wrap around me too.

"You can," he whispers back.

_You are strong._

—

When I wake up the next morning, the gears that were out of place have locked themselves back in again. Sasuke and I go to breakfast hand in hand.

—

The week passes faster than most. Nothing monumental happens, which is in all honesty a relief. I don't even realize until Thursday that Sasuke and I haven't done anything particularly special during the evenings. We do our homework together, eat together, talk together. Sometimes we do things alone; he writes or reads and I listen to music or play games on the internet. Sometimes we walk outside, twice we sit together in the tree, and one night we go hang out downtown with my friends. Somehow it finally feels more like how my life used to be, except that now I have someone to quietly spend evenings with. Yeah, I could get used to this.

Everything is fine until Friday during biology when Kakashi-sensei leaves the classroom for a bit to photocopy homework. I'm talking with Sakura-chan, being quiet and not disturbing anyone, but Yukio Akitaka (who unfortunately happens to be in this class) decides to give me shit again.

"Oi, Uzumaki," he calls across the room, "I thought you were all proud about being gay. Yet here you are, cheating on your boyfriend with a girl!"

His friends all laugh loudly.

"So by your logic, you must be a real pimp, eh?" I say coolly back, deliberately looking around at his friends. "A gay pimp – now that's a new one."

Their laughter stops abruptly. Yukio glares, stands, strides over, and crosses his arms, looking down on me as though he could intimidate me that way. When I give no response, he chooses to ignore my jab, continuing with his own.

"Doesn't she have the hots for your boyfriend too? They all do. I should know; it's given me and the boys an awful lot of grief. None of the girls will date anyone if they think they have a chance with Uchiha."

"Shouldn't you be glad, then, that he's taken?" I spit. "The girls have given up on him now. Take the opportunity, and leave us alone, bastard."

He shrugs. "Fine, whatever. Have fun with your man-whore."

I stand abruptly, barely registering the sound of my chair skidding back, so that I'm face to face with Yukio. The room is dead quiet as I growl, "What did you just say?"

"You heard me, fox-boy. He's probably off making out with some girl who paid him. Or, knowing him, another guy. Where else would he get all that money?"

"He's not a fucking whore!"

"His family went bankrupt, did you know? He's ruined. No wonder he's out prostituting himself. Maybe he'll suck me off for a couple hundred yen!"

His and his friends' laughter rings in my ears, echoing off the walls. The lights are too bright. Yukio's twisted face jumps out at me like a monster.

"Not that I'd want that whore anywhere near me," he adds. "God only knows what he's contracted—"

Yukio isn't making sense anymore; his voice bombards me, screaming lies, insults, jeers and foul words. Unable to understand, I shout back, throwing whatever comes to mind first – liar, bastard, you have no right to say that, you don't even know anything about it. He won't stop talking; the voice, the noise, the lights won't stop flashing. Fire erupts in my chest before everything surges into blackness.

When I regain consciousness, a pair of strong arms has me around the waist and Kakashi-sensei is speaking into my ear. I'm panting, sweating; my knuckles feel as though they've been battered. He lets go of me, and I slump against the wall, wiping off the cold sweat rolling down my face. Yukio is lying on the floor, sporting a bloody nose and bruised cheeks; a desk and two chairs are upturned, scattered.

"Wh…what happened?" I manage to say, although I'm starting to put two and two together.

"Naruto-kun, I think you should go and visit the principal." His tone is gentle, and it doesn't sound like a punishment so much as a prescription of sorts, like I'm being recommended a doctor. "Take your things with you. Akitaka-kun, you should go to the nurse's office. Sakura-chan, can you go with them?"

I pack my bag and leave the classroom, noting that Kakashi-sensei has gone to the phone to tell Tsunade no baa-chan that I'm headed there. We walk in silence; there's no way of talking to Sakura-chan while Yukio is with us. He splits off without a word at the nurse's office, and Sakura-chan takes me the rest of the few steps down the hall to the principal's office.

"Naruto… are you okay?" she asks, looking both concerned and scared.

"…I don't know. I just – Everything went black. I… I don't get it."

"Naruto… I think you should be careful," she says quietly. "When Kakashi-sensei pulled you off of Yukio, you looked – wild, or something. It was as if you'd lost everything that made you… _you._ And your eyes…"

I stare. "They were red?"

"You know what it is?"

I shake my head. "Sasuke said the same thing when I shouted at Yukio a few days ago. He thinks it's Kyuubi."

"Oh, Naruto…"

"Don't worry about me. I'll be okay."

"Tell Tsunade-sensei about it," she urges me. "Kakashi-sensei wouldn't have told you to go see her unless she knew something about it."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I… It's nothing. I'm sure it's fine."

"This isn't you, Naruto! The Naruto I know wouldn't fight like that – you wouldn't fight as though you were trying to kill!"

The last word sends a shock of pain and guilt through me. But I stand firm. "No, I can't. It'll make trouble for everyone. Don't tell anyone, okay, Sakura-chan?"

"It's not about trouble! We want to help you!" She grasps my hands tightly, desperately.

I shake my head firmly. "Don't tell."

She falters, hesitates, then says quietly, "Then tell Sasuke-kun."

I'm filled with something between horror and dread. "…I can't."

"Naruto!"

"I can't, Sakura-chan!" I twist my hands out of her grip. "Go back to class. I'll talk to you later." And I head through the office door before she can stop me.

The quiet of the office is almost tangible after my argument with Sakura-chan. The hall was no louder, but the air echoes there, whereas here it's deadened by carpet, wallpaper, and furniture. The nearly inaudible tick-tick of the clock on the wall sounds deadened, sharp and precise. The chair behind the desk spins around to reveal that Tsunade no baa-chan is sitting in it.

"Have a seat, Naruto-kun," she says. "Take a biscuit."

I do so, eating it quietly to distract myself.

"Kakashi-sensei said you'd been in a fight."

I say nothing.

"I don't know what it was that made you so angry, but you're aware that violence is always punished." She sighs deeply and puts her elbows on her desk, resting her chin on her hands. More gently she says, "Naruto-kun… Frankly, this isn't like you at all. Can you tell me about it?"

I slowly chew and swallow. "…It's nothing, really. I just… Yukio said some stuff. I got angry at him."

"You're stronger than that. I know you."

"I've… never had anyone besides me to stand up for before now."

She raises her eyebrows slightly and looks at me with something akin to curiosity.

"You've heard, right? About me and Sasuke?"

She nods.

I glance away, glaring at a square pattern in the carpet. "Yukio insulted Sasuke. It made me angry, angrier than I've ever been. Sure, I get angry when people insult me, but when he called Sasuke a – a… I just couldn't take it."

I count three ticks of the clock before she smiles softly and says, "I'm glad you're connecting with people. Do you like being with Sasuke-kun?"

"…Yeah."

"Good. I think he can help you clear up a lot of prejudice in the school about you."

I nod readily. "I think so too. Even if no one changes their minds, I feel like I can stand up to them now, with him supporting me."

She smiles for a bit longer, then turns serious. "I know you had your reasons, Naruto-kun, but I can't not punish you. Even if it's only to keep up the image for other students."

"I know."

"I'm suspending you for all of Monday."

"Okay." It's not so bad; suspension isn't much of a punishment if you think about it. All you do is sit around in your dorm and have your meals in the teacher's lounge. I mean, it's actually nicer there than in the cafeteria.

"Take care of yourself, alright, Naruto-kun? As much as I like you, I won't be happy if you get sent here again."

I laugh. "Don't worry, Tsunade no baa-chan, neither will I. See you later."

I glance at the clock as I leave – still about ten minutes until the end of class. Sasuke has literature right now… If I remember correctly, Ebisu-sensei teaches that in room 2203 in the language section of the school. Yeah, Ero-Sennin took me there once. There was a kid scrubbing the room number on the door because she'd turned the 3 into an 8 with a Sharpie. Heh, that's the kind of thing I'd have done, back when I pulled pranks all the time. Except I turned the numbers into foul words. Those were good times.

There's a window just outside the classroom, not visible from inside it, so I jump up on the large sill, set my bag down on it, and lean against the side, one leg up and the other dangling. Then I put on my headphones and pick a song with an earworm melody and a catchy rhythm. I tap my foot against the wall, mentally moving my body in time with the choreography in the music video.

The bell rings just as the song ends. I slide off the headphones, letting them hang around my neck, and slip my iPod into my pocket. Soon enough, the students start coming out. I pretend to have been staring out the window this whole time.

"Look, it's that Uzumaki kid," I hear someone whisper. I don't turn around, but my ears are perked.

"What's he doing? Skipping?" says another.

"He must be waiting for Uchiha," mutters a third.

"Ew."

They walk out of earshot. I cast the memory away instantly. I don't give a damn what they think.

"Naruto?"

I turn my head and smile when I see Sasuke. "Yo," I say, jumping off the window sill and shouldering my bag. I take his hand and we start walking. "How was your class?"

He doesn't bother to answer. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll tell you when we get back to the dorm. Now answer _my_ question. I asked first."

"Class was fine," he says. "Nothing new."

"What are you reading?"

"Macbeth."

"Ew. I hate Shakespeare. Couldn't he have been a bit dumber? And slower at making plays? What are you studying literature for, anyway?"

"For my own writing. There's no better way to learn than from examples."

"What do you write about?"

"Generally fantasy settings. A bit of sci-fi, but it's sort of hard, and I tend to just write on a whim without bothering to do research."

"What kind of fantasy? Dragons and magic?"

"I started one of those, but I wasn't all that interested in it. The main thing I'm working on is about animals."

I open my mouth to say something, then stop, think about it, and instead say, "Talking animals?"

Sasuke blinks.

"Well what else are you gonna do, have them run around mute?" I say sarcastically.

"Yes, dobe, they talk," he says as though it's obvious.

"That's what I thought. It's not a bad thing, I just sorta did a double take. I'm totally cool with talking animals, I swear. Let me guess, a raven and a fox?"

He looks suspiciously at me. "Can you read my mind?"

I laugh. "It's become a bit of a motif, in case you hadn't noticed. So what are they like? The characters?"

"Well if I'm going to tell you all about it, I may as well just give you the story."

"Yeah! Can I read it?"

He shakes his head. "Not yet."

"Whaaaaat?" I exclaim. "Why?"

"I want you to read it when it's finished."

"Oh, come on! How long is that gonna take?"

"Don't know," he says simply.

"You're so difficult," I huff, crossing my arms.

He pulls out his key and lets us inside, and we both sit on his bed.

"I won't let you read it, though," he says, "unless you tell me why you were waiting for me outside my class."

I falter, feeling the dread from earlier fill me again. Tentatively I argue, "I could just not tell you until you're done writing."

"Naruto…" His tone indicates he's not open to negotiation.

I hesitate, then take a deep breath. "I got into a fight," I say simply. "I went to Tsunade no baa-chan and she suspended me for a day."

He frowns. "A fight?"

"Yeah. With Yukio Akitaka. He's a fucking bastard."

"Him again? Naruto—"

"Don't you start preaching at me." Turning my head so that I don't have to look at Sasuke, I mutter, "He… he was insulting you. I couldn't stand it."

Some of Sasuke's exasperation disappears. He puts his hand over mine. "You don't need to fight for me."

"That's not what it's about," I maintain. "I can withstand any number of insults aimed at me, but as soon as someone puts down my friends, I just…" I shake my head vigorously. "I snap. Just 'cause you say I shouldn't get angry about it doesn't mean anything changes."

He says nothing for a moment. I can't tell what he's thinking. Maybe he thinks he's dating someone with anger management issues. Maybe he can tell there's more to my story than I'm letting on. Maybe he's going to get angry with me for doing something so clearly against the rules.

"At least try not to," he says softly. "You might end up hurting yourself."

His tone of voice melts my heart, and I can't resist a small smile. He leans in and kisses me gently on the cheek.

"Should we go get lunch, then?" he asks.

I nod. "Yeah."


	19. Too Close

The weekend passes much like the past week's evenings. Try as I might to convince Sasuke to come with me and the gang to the arcade, he adamantly refuses. I also try to stay here with him, but he just tells me he doesn't want to interfere with me and my friends and – without even using force or shouting – convinces me to go. I spend the rest of the weekend with him, though. I think that secretly he's glad.

I wake up late on Monday morning, having turned off my alarm clock. I take my time in the shower, feeling fairly good despite being suspended. Honestly, whoever thought depriving a student of school made a good punishment must have been crazy. I mean, people skip classes when they're supposed to be there, so how does letting them make any sense?

I spend the day lazing around, not really doing anything. Sasuke comes back for lunch with food for us both and we eat together in the dorm. It's common for suspended students to "skip" meals, eating in their dorm instead of the teacher's lounge. I don't think the teachers care much anyway. He also brings me the notes and homework I missed. We sit around and chat until the bell rings. I catch up on what I missed while he's in class, then do the rest of the work before dinner.

The rest of the week is relaxing, eased by the fact that I have one day less. On top of that, we spend all of Friday during class time in our homeroom (Japanese class for me, Sasuke, and the gang) preparing for the Halloween festival tonight. We've had a few weeks to plan it, but now's the time we actually set everything up. Even though Halloween is tomorrow, it's on a Saturday, and festivals always have to be on school days. Well, I'm not complaining.

Our class has a simple activity this year, a few fortune telling booths. We elect some students to be the fortune tellers and others to provide special effects in each booth. Everyone else has to help with other things like set-up and planning. Sasuke doesn't like being a part of the show, so he helps set up, and while I would have liked to be on the effects team, all the spots were taken. The good side of that, however, is that during the festival we're completely free to check out the activities other classes have prepared.

After dinner, everyone hurries to their stations for the final touches and for the teacher to take attendance. Then we're off to explore. Night has already fallen, adding to the spooky atmosphere, and the moon is barely a sliver in the clear, starry sky. All the lights in the school are turned off, although most activities are outside anyway. I drag Sasuke away from the fortune telling booth – it's no fun when we already know all the mechanics of it – and we set off.

"Where do you wanna go first?" I ask, looking around at everything, trying to take it all in and decide at the same time. "It all looks really awesome. Oh wow, there's a graveyard over there!"

The graveyard is a little separated from the rest of the activities, giving it an isolated, eerie feel. We go over to the entrance, which is really just a hole in the broken wooden fence. Realistic cobwebs hang across many of the holes and corners. As we go inside, I suddenly realize how cold – and windy – it is. Tombstones line the ground, chipped and worn. Some of them have pretty gruesome stories of how the occupants of their graves died. One has nothing at all. Somehow I find that creepier than the rest.

Leaves rustle behind us. I whip around instinctively, peering into the darkness, but I see nothing but bushes.

"Scared, dobe?" Sasuke asks with a small smirk.

"Of course not, teme," I respond immediately. "I'd just rather be aware of what's going around me so I can avoid getting mauled by a werewolf or something."

"Naturally." He doesn't seem convinced.

A strange noise comes from our left, something between a growl and a strangled moan. I take a step back, instinctively edging closer to Sasuke. I can tell he's amused by my reactions, but he doesn't taunt me about it. The sound comes again, from –the ground?

Despite myself, I carefully creep closer, trying to see what's over there, but it's too dark to make anything out. I crane my neck, trying to see farther over the ground without getting too much closer.

I stumble forward, tripping over a fallen tree branch just as Sasuke's hand slips out of mine. A body comes out from the ground in front of me, with pale, mottled skin, wiry hair, and sunken eyes. The zombie makes a dead-ish noise and grabs me, stopping my fall, then makes for my head, teeth bared, as though ready to gnaw my brains out. I yell and thrash and manage to twist out of its grasp, darting out of range as fast as possible. Looking around, I find Sasuke captured by another zombie, one of its rotting hands over his mouth. A cold breath of air hits the back of my neck and I practically jump out of my skin. I quickly run over to Sasuke and help him escape from his captor, then we high-tail it out of the graveyard.

We cross the threshold just as peals of laughter sound behind us. We turn to see three "zombie" students standing there with flashlights, laughing hysterically. I stand there with my mouth open for a moment, then the humour starts to get to me, and before long Sasuke and I are laughing too.

"That was really good," I chuckle. "Good job setting that up, guys."

One of the zombies, a girl, smiles appreciatively. "Thanks. You're our first victims, so I'm glad it went well."

Sasuke and I bid them farewell and return to the slightly more lit area.

"So, Sasuke, were you scared?" I ask, grinning.

"I'll admit I didn't expect that."

"You were!"

"Not as much as you, dobe."

"I wasn't scared! You never know what's gonna happen in a Halloween activity in the dark, you know?"

"Right."

"Teme…"

He takes my hand. "Why don't we say we were both a little scared and leave it at that?"

I roll my eyes. "Fine."

Sasuke gestures towards an area covered by a bunch of picnic blankets. "Wanna carve a pumpkin?"

The pumpkin carving station is lined with already-carved pumpkins, some with faces, others with festive designs. The students give us a set of tools and I pick out a design with a bird on a branch with its wings out. We cut the pumpkin open and scoop out all the gunk, which turns out to be great ammo. I throw some at Sasuke; he yells at me and throws more back, and before long there's pumpkin guts all over the place. With that done, we cut out the design. When we finish, we stick a candle in it and sign our names in marker on the back. Then we add it to the growing collection.

We go inside the school to wash up. When we emerge from the bathroom, we hear squeaking, then a flock of dark shadows flits past us.

"Bats?" says Sasuke, sounding intrigued.

"They wouldn't have real bats. They'd be hell to keep track of, and they'd stink."

"Let's follow them."

We hurry down the hall after the shadows as they turn the corner. They fly faster than we can run, but then they slip into a doorway. Sasuke and I exchange glances, then cautiously go over. As we near, a cloaked figure peeks out and beckons us in. Making sure our hands are still connected, we enter.

The room is so dark that even I can't make anything out. As soon as we step in, the door clicks shut.

"Velcome."

A small flame appears some ways in front of us. Several candles are lit, making the cloaked figure visible. It's a vampire, with skin paler than Sasuke's and sharp fangs sticking out over her lip. She's covered in a silky black cape, the high collar surrounding her head.

"Velcome to the vampire's haunt," she says in a warm yet slightly creepy voice. "Please, von't you have a seat?"

She directs her light towards a comfortable-looking sofa. Sasuke grips my hand reassuringly and we go and sit down.

"I assure you that you vill be comfortable here," she says. "Now, there can be only one reason you are here, yes?"

"What?"

"Naturally, you vish to join our ranks. Ve vill let you, but only if you take the rite of passage."

I look at Sasuke. He shrugs in a "this could be fun" sort of way. So I turn back to the vampire and nod.

"Very good. First of all, you must consume vhat ve consume. Ve have here the finest, freshest blood…"

A shiver goes up my spine at the word "blood," and out of the shadows comes another vampire holding a tray with two wine glasses and a bottle. This person pours us each a glass and hands them to us. I sniff the liquid, then take a tentative sip, but it's only some sort of red fruit juice.

"That's it… Go on, you must drink the whole thing. Quickly now…"

When we finish our glasses, the other vampire takes them back from us.

"Now," says the first vampire, "stand, and ve shall present you vith your garments."

We stand, and two more people drape cloaks over us. I feel sort of silly, but mostly I'm having fun.

"Excellent. You look vonderful." She raises the candles high over her head and her voice becomes louder as she begins to chant in what seems to be Latin. Then she taps each of us on the head.

"Done," she announces. "Now, the ceremony is very tiresome, so vhy don't you have a nice rest in our coffin? I am sure you vill find it very relaxing."

She leads us to a padded coffin on the ground. "For you, dear gentleman," she says, smiling at me. "May you rest vell until the next moon rises."

I climb into the coffin and lie down. Sasuke smiles and waves, and I wave back. Then I see the vampire creeping up behind him. Before I can move, she pushes Sasuke. He falls forward; I try to catch him, but mostly just get crushed. Then the coffin's cover swings closed on us.

It's when we're plunged into darkness that I realize the full impact of what's going on – and it's the click that sets me off. Suddenly I'm too aware of the size of the coffin, clearly meant for one person, and the way Sasuke has no choice but to lie on me, his head next to mine. It reminds me of the time we lay like this under the tree, but I'm nowhere near as comfortable now as I was then. The memory of that night at the Stoneheads springs up all too clearly in my mind: the smells and tastes and touches, the flowing fire under my skin and the rush of adrenaline in my veins. I try to ignore the way my cheeks are burning, although I know he can't tell. But he can hear the way my breathing is heavier than normal, feel the way my heart's running like a machine gun.

"Naruto, are you okay?" he asks, concern in his voice.

I stare wide-eyed into the nothingness, drowning my own embarrassment. I turn my head away from Sasuke as though that'll make a difference.

"Naruto?"

"It's… too close," I mumble.

"Well, sorry, I can't do much about that right now."

"I know, but I mean…"

"Naruto… are you… blushing?"

The heat in my face only intensifies when he says it.

"…Why?"

I say nothing.

"We've been this close before. We fell asleep like this once, remember?"

"You're not helping," I mutter through gritted teeth. Already I can feel my body recalling that night, sensations firing up in response to the feeling of Sasuke's skin against mine. "Sasuke…"

He hears it in my voice this time, and finally understands what I mean. I feel him tense, wary for a moment, then slowly relax. His nose touches my cheek. He places a soft kiss on my jaw, then moves towards my mouth, but as soon as his lips touch mine I pull away.

"Don't."

"Naruto?"

"You'll just make it worse. You'll just make it harder to…"

"Naruto."

His tone makes me falter.

"Do you want this?"

His words break a barrier that was in my mind, letting a barrage of thoughts that I'd pushed away to flow freely. I want this. I don't want this. My heart is telling me to go for it, to let everything loose and go; but my mind is afraid – afraid of the consequences, afraid of Sasuke's reaction, afraid of not being able to stop, of making a grave mistake I can never fix.

"I don't know," I whisper.

His hand gently turns my head and our lips meet again. He draws me into the kiss, encouraging my body to forget its hesitation and simply feel. The kiss is a familiar one, a feeling I'm comfortable with, and I silently thank Sasuke with my hands as I wrap them around his back. When he breaks the kiss for air, I pause for a moment, then slowly trail down to the underside of his chin, exploring by feel, and he tips his head back. The skin there is soft, and I nuzzle it gently, pressing a kiss to his neck. Finding his Adam's apple in my path, I give it a hesitant lick, encouraged when he cranes his neck further. I meet with his collarbone and trace it with my tongue, then, as though my body remembers something my mind doesn't, I continue around the nape of his neck to where it flows seamlessly into his back. As I close my lips over a particular spot, I hear Sasuke's breath hitch. I press my teeth in, lightly at first, then increasing the pressure. His breathing accelerates; I can feel his chest heaving as his fingers dig into my scalp. I bite down and suck, and a small sound emanates from the back of his throat, sending a thrill through me.

A loud snap resonates through the coffin and I pull back so fast that I hit my head against the bottom. Before I can remove my hands from around Sasuke, the lid swings open and light floods our eyes.

The sudden brightness after an unknown period of total darkness makes it hard to see. I squint, shielding my eyes from the fluorescent light on the ceiling, to see a familiar face with green eyes and pink hair, staring, shocked, at the scene before her: my arms securely around Sasuke, Sasuke still trying to catch his breath on top of me, my face and ears burning bright red, and – most incriminating of all – the very prominent mark I left on the back of Sasuke's neck.

"Naruto!" Sakura-chan exclaims.

I'm too embarrassed to say anything. I finally pull my hands away as though that'll make up for it all.

Sasuke pushes himself up on his hands and knees and turns his head to look at Sakura-chan, who I only now notice was the vampire who welcomed us. Sasuke's face is also flushed, but the look in his eyes is not embarrassed at all – in fact he looks more defiant than anything. "You can't lock us in a tiny dark space and expect us _not_ to do anything," he points out. "If this wasn't what you wanted to see, I don't know what was, because us lying around would be pretty boring, wouldn't it?"

Sakura-chan seems to shrink a little, looking taken aback. "I didn't – I mean—"

Sasuke just closes his eyes and shakes his head. He turns back to me and sits up, then offers me a hand. I take it and he pulls me upright, then we both get out of the coffin. We take off our capes and give them back to Sakura, who's pretty much just standing there looking incredibly confused.

"By the way," I say tentatively, "why are you helping out here, Sakura-chan? You're in our group."

She blinks a couple of times before regaining some sense of normalcy. "I… well, I didn't do much in our group, and my friends said they could use some help here."

Sasuke takes my hand. I glance at him, then quickly turn back to Sakura-chan. "Have fun at the festival, ne?" I say. Then we leave.

Neither Sasuke or I say anything all the way to the dorm. (Halfway there I wonder when we agreed to go back.) I can't stop blushing; I don't really mind that Sasuke can see it, but I'm glad it's dark so no one else can. I keep my head down and watch the ground in front of me. Despite the very embarrassed atmosphere between us, our hands are linked the whole time.

The click of our door and the silence that follows is what breaks the tension. I try to meet Sasuke's eyes, but I can't bring myself to do it. To avoid looking at him, I pull him into a kiss. He responds gratefully, taking over, the way we're used to it. I dimly register how he pushes me gently against the door, one hand on my chest.

Every move is careful, kind, soft. I close my eyes; I surrender to the sensations and just let myself feel as he travels up my jaw and to my ear. He kisses it, asking silently, do you want to continue? And I slide my fingers into his hair, responding, show me everything.

He presses his lips against my earlobe, then takes it in between his teeth and rolls it, tugging gently. A shiver runs down my spine at this, but he doesn't linger long, descending along the side of my neck. I close my eyes and raise my chin, and he takes the hint, wasting no time in scattering kisses over every inch of exposed skin. When his tongue makes contact, I breathe in quickly, tensing for a short moment at the sensation before melting into it. He drags his tongue up my neck, then secures his lips around my Adam's apple and sucks, drawing a gasp from my lungs. Unable to kiss him from this angle, I explore with my hands instead, my fingertips ghosting over the skin of his neck, feeling goosebumps rise at my touch, then continuing downward. He finds another spot on my neck and sucks again, and I can't stop a small squeak from escaping my throat.

Sasuke stops what he's doing and looks at me. This time I can meet his eyes easily. He smirks at me, his eyes making an unsaid comment on the noise I just made. I smile back, my look telling him I don't care. He breaks the gaze to lock our tongues in battle, hand roaming across my shoulder and down my arm, while my hand digs under his shirt to slide up his smooth back, feeling his spine and the dip between his shoulder blades, pressing him closer to me just as my other hand is doing on the back of his head.

He makes another mark on my neck, responding to the way my fingers dig into his back, then presses his nose against my jaw before licking my ear. I can hear his breath, feel it, heavy against my wet skin; I can feel his heartbeat against my chest and through his back, accelerated and exaggerated. He inhales, his lips so close that it sends a wave of cold air over my ear, then says breathily, "How far are we going?"

I don't want to pause to think about it. "Don't stop," I breathe back. "We're sober."

Though neither of us openly acknowledges it, the statement has an impact on both of us. Sasuke pulls me into another kiss, then starts sucking on a spot on my shoulder, drags me off the door, and starts to direct us somewhere. I don't care where we're going; I'm too involved in the feeling of Sasuke's arms around me to bother. I find out anyway when the back of my legs hit the edge of my bed and we collapse onto it.

The positions we're in give us a much different feel than before; I feel as though Sasuke, hovering above, is ready to pounce and take over me, and I can't deny the thrill I get. His lips and teeth and tongue work at my neck even as his hand spreads flat against my stomach and pushes my shirt up. I raise my arms over my head, but he leaves the shirt scrunched up at my shoulders; he drags his fingers down my abs, leaving trails of fire in their wake, then gently presses against my stomach, feeling the soft give. I watch as he dips his tongue into my belly button, humming appreciatively at the wet flick he gives me. Then he drops kisses all the way up my torso, burrowing his nose into my shirt and breathing in deeply. He pulls back a little and his gaze falls on my nipples. A sudden surge of apprehension flows through me. I put a hand on his shoulder and he freezes, looking up.

I can't say it. I can't say it in words, but I tell him with my eyes, that's enough; and he blinks once, answering, okay. Softly he pulls my shirt back down, then places a small kiss on my lips. I can't stop myself following him a little when he draws back. He smiles, putting his forehead against mine.

No words are spoken. We communicate in looks and touches. He sits up and offers me a hand; I take it and he pulls me up into a hug. He kisses me on the cheek before getting up and going to his own bed, but I still feel as though he's close by. Though the covers are a poor substitute for his warmth, I curl up in them anyway, feeling satisfied.

* * *

Hey, I actually incorporated some Japanese school stuff! Japanese schools have homeroom-hosted activities for special days like Halloween. The only problem with that is that in Japan, the teachers move around, not the students, while in KH the students move around like in Western schools. But in Western school we still have homerooms, so it's all good.

Things are heating up… But remember, they're taking this slow. No matter how convinced Naruto might be, a male body is a male body and it probably won't feel right at the beginning.

R+F


	20. Cross Dressing

I loathe FF dot net's formatting restrictions, I really do. Why on earth would they refuse to allow hyphens in chapter and story titles?

* * *

Halloween itself promises to be fairly boring. Though I would have liked to go trick-or-treating, not a lot of people really do it around here, so we wouldn't get that much stuff. Anyway, we're probably too old. I didn't have a chance to prepare a costume, either.

I roll out of bed and traipse over to my closet. I stand there, staring, wondering why I'm not still sleeping.

Hands slide under my arms and pull me into a hug. "Morning, sleepyhead," Sasuke says.

The physical contact breaks my stupor. I turn my head to see Sasuke smiling at me. "Morning," I answer. "What should I wear?"

"It's Halloween. Don't you have anything better than your usual clothes?"

I sigh. "No, I forgot to get a costume. I was a frog last year. Ero-Sennin lent me this big frog suit; it was awesome."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't have a costume either."

"That's probably because you weren't planning on dressing up to begin with, teme."

"Exactly."

"Well I for one wanted to join in on the festivities. How often do you get to dress up as something random in public?" I finally turn my mind to picking clothes, then a light strikes me. "Hey, Sasuke. I have an idea."

"That's wonderful." He rests his chin on my shoulder. "Just great. Everyone needs ideas sometimes."

I shoot him a glare. "Don't be sarcastic. Do you want to hear it or not?"

"What if I say no?" he smirks.

"Then this happens." I pry his hands off of me and step out of his reach.

"A punishment to me is a punishment to you," he says pointedly, then advances again; but I anticipated this happening, so I simply leap out of the way. This starts a bit of a chase around the room until he trips me and I fall onto his bed and he falls on top of me. He traps my wrists over my head and locks my shins under his, then smirks down at me.

"Give?" he asks.

"Okay, okay, I give. Will you listen to my idea though?"

He gets off and lies next to me, slipping an arm under my back and pulling me in closer. "Now I will."

"How about, for Halloween, we dress up as… each other?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Uh…"

"What? I think it's a great idea. You wear my clothes, I wear yours. Maybe we can find someone with temporary hair dye. We couldn't do eye colours, but—"

"And you think we'll fit into each other's clothes?"

"Sure. I mean, you're a freaking stick—" I accentuate my point with a poke to his stomach "—but you've got to have _something_. How about it?"

"I'm not going out there alone wearing your stuff."

"Which means you'll go out there with me! Awesome." I grin, then jump off the bed and go to Sasuke's closet. He sighs. I ignore him. "So, what can I wear?"

He comes up behind me and hugs me again, looking over my shoulder at his clothes. He eventually picks out a black long-sleeved shirt with a red and white fan on the back. He puts it in my hand, then shuffles us over to the other side of his closet where his pants are (he organizes his clothes, apparently) and pulls down a pair of black jeans.

"What's with the fan?" I ask, observing its round shape.

He smirks.

"What?"

"Nothing. Try it on."

"Teme, what's the fan for?" I insist.

"Put it on and then I'll tell you."

I roll my eyes, but comply. It's as if the shirt sticks to every part of my body. It's not exactly tight, but it doesn't leave any room for air.

"How do you wear something like this?" I ask incredulously. "I feel like I'm suffocating."

"Don't be so dramatic," he says, waving away my comment. "You look good in it. I can actually see your waist for once."

"And that's a good thing?" I ask. "Why not just go shirtless?"

"Because that would be indecent. Now put on the pants."

"Wait! What's the fan for? I put the shirt on, now tell me."

His lips twitch upwards again. "Think about it, dobe. What's my name?"

"Sasuke," I say, raising an eyebrow at the stupid question.

"Full name."

"Uchiha… oh god."

He breaks into laughter.

"No way!" I shout. "I'm not wearing your fucking family crest!"

"Too late," he says, still snickering. "Put the pants on."

I seriously consider ripping it off, but then I figure I can probably get him back. So I move on, holding out the pants at arm's length, considering them. "These are _way_ too tight. How the hell can you wear this?"

He shrugs. "I feel comfortable in clothes that fit."

"My clothes fit me," I argue. "They just fit differently."

"This was your idea to begin with. You know very well what kind of clothes I wear. Now put them on."

It takes me an absurdly long time to wiggle into the jeans. Not only are they skinny jeans, but it seems Sasuke's a size smaller at the waist as well.

"Don't blame me if I stretch your jeans," I mutter, pulling the button together and zipping up. "Holy shit, there is _no_ room in here. This isn't good for your manhood, teme. Or maybe it's why you're so damn girly."

"Hey, don't you start making jabs at my manhood," he says in a mock-warning tone. "You look good, if I do say so myself."

"Whatever," I say impatiently. I spin him around and direct us to my wardrobe. Walking in these jeans is a freaking mission. "Your turn. Hey, what do you say to going matching?"

"Matching?"

I shove an orange T-shirt at him. "Uzumaki swirl on the front. Wouldn't want to cover it up, so you can wear this hoodie unzipped." The sweater is bright orange with black at the shoulders and zipper. I then give him cargo pants, ripped at one knee and fraying at the bottom edges, complete with chain, and a belt to hold them up.

He puts it all on without complaint – it's only fair, considering I have to wear the unmistakable crest of the prominent Uchiha family, and he gets a spiral that could be easily taken for nothing more than a design. Then again, he gets to wear orange. That's just awesome.

When he's done dressing, I look him up and down. He makes a highly amusing sight. I never would have imagined Sasuke in a big hoodie and cargo pants, but here he is. And it's not so bad.

"You'd make a good gangster, teme," I joke. "Do a little rappin', walk like a penguin… you could make it big."

"Are you insinuating that you look like a gangster?" he asks, sounding a little disgruntled at the outfit.

"Maybe I am. Not like I have a gang to gangster with, but y'never know. Maybe I'll be a yakuza one day. Come on, to the mirror."

We parade off to the bathroom. There I notice something else – red marks all over my neck and shoulders. A dark flush crawls up my neck and into my cheeks.

"Teme!"

"What now?"

"Look at this!" I exclaim, pointing at the marks.

"So?"

"It's your fault." I cross my arms.

"What is?" he asks innocently.

"Stop fooling around! I'm not gonna go walking out there with—" I see my blush deepen in the mirror "—with _hickeys_ all over my neck!"

He snickers. "Your embarrassment is cute."

"Dammit, teme, I'm not cute!"

"Don't try to deny it." He ruffles my hair. I snatch his wrist away and make a face when he kisses me on the cheek. "If it's any consolation, I've got them too." He pulls at the collar of my shirt that he's wearing, revealing the marks I gave him last night.

"Yeah, but no one can see them with what you're wearing," I mutter.

"Don't worry about it," he says. "I have a scarf you can wear. It's getting colder now, anyway."

I follow him huffily to his closet. He pulls down a black and white plaid handkerchief-type of thing, except it's so big it could almost be a blanket.

"How the hell do you wear that?" I ask incredulously.

"Like this." He folds it into a triangle, then rolls up the wide part. Then he motions for me to turn around. When my back is to him, he puts the scarf over my head and ties it at the back, letting the ends dangle behind me. I don't miss the way his hands slide over my shoulders as he draws them back. Then he spins me around again and adjusts the front.

"There you go. What do you think?"

I check the mirror. "Meh."

"Is that all?"

"It would look good on you, but it's not really my style," I explain.

"Sure it is. You look great." He hugs me from behind, pulling me back and leaning against the open door so that I'm leaning on him.

"Hm." I look into his eyes through the mirror, and he smiles back at me. Then I look down and pull at the jeans I'm wearing, but they don't go very far. "I feel like I can't move in these pants."

"I feel like I'll trip in these."

"They're not _that_ long. Anyway, you're taller than me. Walk across the dorm, see how it feels."

"It's not that much of a height difference," he says, but goes anyway. It's funny how the clothes transform his posture – whereas he usually walks upright and straight, now he seems to be more relaxed and loose. I, on the other hand, feel like these clothes are forcing me to move my joints as little as possible. Maybe this is why Sasuke walks like he does.

I chuckle. "This is genius. Ready to face the world? Or, well, the school at least."

"Do we have to?"

"Hell yeah! What's the fun in dressing up if no one sees?"

"We can see each other. Isn't that enough?"

"Course not! Come on, let's go." I grab my keys and try to stuff them into my pocket, finding that there's a lot less space than in my pants. No way could I fit my cellphone in there. "God, do you get your pants in the women's section or something? Only Sakura-chan ever complains about not enough pocket space."

"Stop dissing my clothes, gangster-boy," he retorts. "Anyone with this many pockets on their pants would complain about pocket space."

"They're cargo pants! They're practically _made_ of pockets. It's not like I don't own pants with normal pockets. They just happen to be able to fit my whole hand in, you know?"

"I don't stick my hands in my pockets, dobe. I stick my thumbs in my pockets."

"What if your hands are cold?"

"That's why sweaters have pockets too." He puts his hands in my hoodie's sweater to demonstrate. Tossing the argument, I hook my arm through his.

The cafeteria is full of everything from monsters to anime characters. It helps us blend in a little, but we still get our share of turned heads as we walk in. I just grin and keep walking. Sasuke looks oddly out of his element.

"Relax," I tell him. "It's Halloween. We're probably in the least eye-catching get-ups in this whole room besides the ones that are just plain boring."

"Yeah, but if I dressed up as something else I could at least still retain some of my personality," he mutters. "I feel like the orange is trying to make me loud and dumb."

"Hey!" I elbow him; he kicks me. "Better loud than angsty," I retort. "I could have a pity-party all on my own in these clothes."

We're alerted by the fangirl-alarm – that is, high-pitched squealing in various different tones. I glance at Sasuke; he glances back, and we ignore the noises. Not that that ever deters fangirls. They practically swarm us in the middle of the caf, looking positively smitten.

"Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun!" they trill. "You look _soooooo_ cool!"

"Dressing up as each other? It's the ultimate fangirl's dream!"

Oh wow. They even _know_ they're fangirls? It's worse than I thought…

One girl says, "Oh, Sasuke-kun, you look so bad-boy in that hoodie!"

I snort. Sasuke shoots a glare at me.

"And Naruto-kun… ooh, you look all mysterious and cool."

I laugh. "Nah, I could never pull off the ice-prick attitude."

Sasuke chimes in, "No more than I could be an obnoxious—"

"I'm not obnoxious!"

"Of course," he says with a smile that tells me he's not buying it.

I smack him upside the head, so he grabs my wrist and yanks, sending me tumbling. I grab onto him to stop myself from falling and he's forced to catch me to avoid falling down himself.

"Teme."

"Dobe."

"Let's go eat."

We shake off the fangirls after that (exactly how, I don't know) and after a relatively peaceful breakfast, I convince Sasuke to come roam the grounds with me. He almost refuses, saying he'd rather go back to the dorm and change back into his own clothes, but that would be lame and Halloween is all day and I'm not complaining about wearing his freaking _family crest_, so he shouldn't be worried about a little colour every now and then; and anyway, he would be too embarrassed to go anywhere alone and I'm gonna walk the grounds whether he's coming or not. So with that, we set off.

By the time we're halfway to the tree, I'm beginning to regret walking out here. Maybe I should have complained about the Uchiha crest after all – there's been no lack of pointing, whispering, and sometimes even laughing from the people we pass. We're accosted by fangirls multiple times, and once I think I see Yamamoto Kami spot us and turn right around on his path, going back the way he came as though to avoid walking by us. I mean, come on, can't we have a little fun sometimes?

"Wishing we weren't out here?" Sasuke asks with an "I told you so" look on his face.

"Shut it, teme," I pout, turning away.

"Hey, don't go getting angry with me. I'm the one who suggested the sensible thing to do."

"It's Halloween!"

"So do you enjoy showing off my claim on you or don't you?"

"Your – your _claim_?"

"This one," he smirks, poking me between my shoulders where the crest is. My back arches in an effort to dodge the attack, but to no avail. I whip around and jab him back, so he darts around behind me and throws his arms around my neck. He starts trying to pull me down, but I bend over and grab his legs behind his knees and, ignoring his protests, lift him up into a piggyback. Then I start running for the tree.

"What are you doing?"

"Dunno," I reply, grinning. "Did you know you weigh next to nothing?"

"I recall a certain dobe telling me that once."

"Yeah, well, he's telling you again. Why don't you eat something, teme?"

"I also recall a certain 'teme' telling the dobe that he eats all the time. Anyway, you practically live with me. Aren't you supposed to know these things?"

"Doesn't stop me telling you to eat. Underweight is an unhealthy weight too, y'know." I slow to a walk.

"I can get off if you want," Sasuke says.

"Nah."

"Let me rephrase that. Just put me down."

I laugh. "Nah." I know he doesn't really want down, and my suspicions are confirmed when his arms wrap around me tighter and he nuzzles into my neck. I just smile to myself and keep walking.

When we get to the tree, I find the softest patch of grass I can.

"Are you gonna let me down now?" he asks.

"Yep."

He unwraps himself from around my neck, and just at that moment, I let go of his legs. He falls with a yell.

"Dobe!" he shouts angrily. I just laugh again. He jumps up and grabs my hand and I fall back with him, but I don't mind. I roll over onto my stomach and prop myself up on my elbows, and he sits cross-legged next to me.

"Shouldn't all the leaves have fallen off by now?" he asks, presumably looking up at the tree.

I shrug, picking up one of the many leaves that are already strewn across the grass. "It's still autumn. Anyway, dead leaves still stick pretty well."

I sense Sasuke's gaze turn back to me, fixed on the red and white crest on my back. He smirks. "I still can't believe you're wearing that," he says.

"Why do you even have a shirt like this? I mean, I parade my orangeness around like nobody's business, but I never thought you'd be one to boast your heritage."

"Why not? I think it's something to be proud of. The name Uchiha still holds power." He begins to trace the symbol, fingers idly outlining the arch of the red crescent on top before crossing between the red and the white, then continuing downward to the bottom of the fan. I feel the pattern traced over and over again, as though he's imprinting it into my back.

"What are you trying to do, engrave it into me?" I mutter, although not really bothered.

He smiles amusedly. "Just reminding you."

I roll my eyes. "Of what?"

"Of who owns you."

I whip around to look at him, mouth open. He just smiles wider.

"Teme!" I shout, sitting up. "No one owns Uzumaki Naruto!"

"Until now."

I jump on him and he laughs as we fall to the ground. I pin his shoulders down and glare at him. He pokes me in the side; I flinch and he takes the opportunity to flip us over, trapping my arms and legs. His hair dangles above my face; I can smell his scent. Though he doesn't weigh much and I could probably throw him off easily, all my strength leaves me when he locks my gaze to his. He sees it in my eyes, I can tell. He smiles at me, half-triumphant, half-affectionate. Before I can gather myself up again, he dips in for a kiss, effectively eliminating whatever protests I might have made. Once again a shiver runs down my spine at the knowledge that he's hovering over me, that he could so easily do anything and I have no power to oppose him. In some ways, it's infuriating; in others it's strangely thrilling.

Really, when it comes down to it, I'm usually on the receiving end of this relationship. It always seems as though Sasuke's giving so much to me, and I take it all in, and I hardly give anything back. But is that okay? What if I want to give more? What if he wants more from me?

"What's up?"

I open my eyes. Sasuke's face is very close to mine, and his voice is quiet; I can feel his breath against my lips.

"What's on your mind?" he asks.

I stare into his eyes, so dark, so unreadable – and yet right now I can understand every minute detail of his emotions, so much that I can identify them in his eyes, although I never would have known if I hadn't picked it up from somewhere else.

I consider my words. "Do you… want more from me?"

He pauses. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… It seems like you're always giving. Not just materially – I mean…" I falter.

He presses his nose gently against my cheek. "Go on."

"It's stupid."

"If it's important to you, it's not stupid."

"It's about the seme-uke thing."

He says nothing, does nothing. He doesn't react to my words. He just waits.

"I told myself I would never admit it…" I sigh. There's no going back now. "To be honest, I like being the uke. There, I said it. Go ahead and laugh."

"I'm not laughing. Keep going."

This does reassure me. "I feel appreciated, for once in my life. I guess I like being able to sit back and not have to work to be noticed. It's… Thank you, Sasuke."

He smiles. "You were always noticed. I always noticed you. I noticed when you called out and no one answered."

"Why didn't you answer?" I ask. The question comes out very quiet.

The answer to the question doesn't come at all, as though there is none.

"I like how much attention you pay me," I say. "But do you want something back? I feel like I should give you something in return. It's only fair."

"You've given me all I want," he murmurs. "Every day, you give me all I could ask for."

I put my arms around him and pull him in. "I don't understand."

"Well, what do I give you that you want?"

"You give me… love, and attention. Physical contact, appreciation, somebody I can be close to. You've given me happiness, in a lot of ways."

"That's what I want."

"Happiness?"

"No – well, yes, but not how you see it. You want all these things from me, and I just want to give them to you. I want to give you someone you can be close to. I want to be the person who's important to you. You want happiness from me, and I want to give you happiness."

"But why?" He doesn't have to say anything to make me continue. "What makes you want to give everything? What did I do? How did I earn this from you?"

"Oh, dobe," he says softly, placing a kiss on my cheek. "You don't have to earn anything."

I close my eyes. "I just don't get why you would do something for no reason. I have a lot of reasons to feel how I do about you. It wouldn't work any other way, for me. But you…"

He smiles. I can feel it against my skin. "Not everything has a reason, Naru."

The childish name irks me a little, but I can't bring myself to ruin the moment and say something about it. In a way, it makes me feel… nice.

"So you don't want anything from me?"

"You don't have to give anything more."

"What if I want to give?"

He hugs me tighter. "Then you can give whatever you want."

I feel contentment at his words. "Then I will."

* * *

Notes:

- For those who don't know, an uchiwa (respelled as Uchiha – it makes sense, don't make me explain how) is a type of fan, in the shape of Sasuke's clan symbol. Uzumaki means swirl.

- Yakuza is something akin to the Japanese mafia. Gangsters, mafia… all the same, right? xD

- I based Sasuke's pants off mine. And I am a girl. Therefore he wears girl pants. I can't fit my hand into most of the pockets.

R+F


	21. A Little Revenge

Ninetails, I choose you!

Even more swearing and offensive stuff in this chapter.

* * *

Halfway through the week, I show up at biology to find that class is cancelled – so says a note on the door telling us that Kakashi-sensei is away. Sakura-chan shows up soon after and I explain the situation.

"And he didn't get a substitute or anything," Sakura-chan says. "Well, guess this means we're free to do what we like, huh?"

"Naruto-kun," someone calls. I turn around to see Sai.

"Hey, Sai. Class is cancelled; sensei's not here."

"Really? Well, I suppose that's fortunate. What should we do then?"

I shrug. "Go back to our dorms, I guess. Nothing much to do. Or, hey, wanna hang out on the roof?"

It's not often we go to the roof; typically it's much nicer in the grounds. But once in a while you just have to be there. The school's roof isn't as high as the ones on the dorm buildings, but it'll do fine for now, and Sakura wouldn't be allowed in our building anyway. We climb the stairs and step out into the strong wind. It's an overcast day, but it's still fairly light out and the temperature is fine. I make for the railing, leaning against it, feeling curiously free.

We sit up here and chat for a while, but I know Sakura-chan's not very comfortable with how Sai acts, and she leaves after a bit. I hang my arms over the railing and stare out at the grounds, following paths with my eyes.

"I think…"

I turn. Sai's also staring out, but not focused on anything. "What?" I ask.

He's silent for a long moment. Then he lets out a breath, sighs, and turns to me. "I think I can tell you this, because it'll have no consequence for you."

I don't know how to react. It's always been hard to read Sai's emotions; I can never quite tell what he's thinking. And right now I've got no clue what he might be talking about, or even whether the news is good or bad. "Tell me what?"

But he pauses again, then finally admits, "It's harder to say than I expected."

"I won't think any different of you for saying it, if that's what the problem is," I assure him.

"No, I think you're wrong. Because…" He looks me straight in the eyes. "I like you, Naruto-kun."

I blink. He's still holding my gaze, and, as unreadable as even his eyes are, I think I can see the truth behind his words. I slowly process them, then drop my gaze.

"I'm… sorry, Sai."

"I know you love Sasuke-san. I didn't expect anything to come out of my telling you this. But I thought it was important for you to know."

Slowly I nod. "It was. It is. Thanks, Sai."

"You're welcome."

I stare at my hands, my fingers wrapped around the railing.

"Why?" I ask.

"Why what?"

"Why do you love me? Why does anyone—" I shake my head vigorously as though I might be able to clear my thoughts that way.

"You've… showed me a lot of things, Naruto-kun. You showed me about bonds. You showed me how to care for someone. I'm not perfect, but I've learned a lot."

"It wasn't just me," I argue. "Everyone else was there too. We helped you together."

"Yes, but you… Well, I don't know, really. I don't quite understand it either. Maybe there is no reason."

I close my eyes. "Sasuke said the same thing. 'It's not a reason. It just is.' I don't understand what makes a person love someone without reason. I need a lot of reasons to feel the way I do about Sasuke. He gave me every reason to hate him, and it took a lot to turn that around. I might just have been desperately trying to convince myself that I loved him because I wanted to love someone, anyone. But he's given me lots of reasons to love him, and I just didn't know what to do besides give him a chance."

"You could give me a chance." But his voice holds no conviction.

"I can't think of you like that. You're a friend to me."

"And Sasuke-san? What was he, before you started loving him?"

I sigh. "He was my enemy. The one person I hated the most. I don't know, Sai. This… this whole love thing, it makes no sense. I don't get it at all."

"I don't either." He puts a hand on my shoulder. "This is the sort of moment where I'm supposed to leave you alone with your thoughts."

I smile. He always did have an unnervingly straightforward way of talking about things like this. I'm glad the Sai I know is still there. "Yeah, it is. See you around, Sai."

"Goodbye, Naruto-kun."

I listen to his footsteps across the roof, and the click of the door as it shuts behind him.

Sai. Sai loved me? How? Why? Why didn't he tell me sooner? Could I have been happy with him? I try to picture it. But it's just too weird. He's a good friend, but it's hard to feel comfortable around him. I can deal better than Sakura-chan, I know, but… Sai isn't used to social norms. It's hard for me and the others to understand that, because we've grown up around them and it's as much a part of us as our arms and legs. Sai never talked much about the situation in which he grew up. What I do know is that whatever society was like there, if there was any at all, it was nothing like our world. We sometimes struggle to connect with Sai because of that. But I wouldn't be able to go out with him.

I still think… I don't know anymore. Like Sasuke said before, we're not together because of our gender. I'm fine with someone calling me gay, because that's how society defines someone like me, and if I take it as an insult it'll bring nothing but trouble. But I don't know if I would call myself gay in the sense that I'm attracted to guys. I've always liked girls, from the crush on Sakura-chan onwards to the days when Kiba and the others and I would comment on girls we saw out on the street, on the train, or in the mall. Maybe I'm bi or something? But I've never had feelings for a guy before. I try to imagine myself with another guy. Maybe a really girly one, or someone stoic and cold like Sasuke. No, it just doesn't make sense. Sasuke is a special case.

I nearly jump out of my skin when I realize there's someone right behind me. Why didn't I sense them? Hear them? I whip around to find myself almost nose to nose with Yukio. He draws back with a bark of laughter. "Ha! You should see the look on your face."

I grip the railing tightly, saying nothing. His friends are hanging around the roof like cronies.

"I thought you had a monster in you or something, eh, fox boy?" Putting on a mock-coddling voice, he continues, "But look at those cute baby blue eyes of yours. How could such a sweetie ever even hurt a fly?"

For all the things Yukio might be, good at insults isn't one of them. He's practically feeding me ideas to work off of. "What does that make you then, a larva? I can still see that bruise. You know, the one I gave you last week?"

"As if you just called me a larva! What a nerd." He laughs. The others laugh with him.

"Rather a nerd than failing," I retort, remembering Sasuke saying something similar a while ago. That shuts him up a little. "What do you want, anyway? If you want me to get off the roof, all you have to do is ask nicely."

"Alright then," he says, then puts on his best (and really awful) impression of niceness. "Pretty please, Uzumaki-san, could you _get your ass off the roof already_?"

"I'll just assume that's the best you can do, then," I shrug. I turn my back on him and head for the door. Two of his friends make it there first, blocking the way. I stop and turn.

"Yeah, right," Yukio says, approaching again. "Like I was gonna let you off easy. You haven't paid for this bruise yet – or the fuckin' bloody nose you gave me."

"You've got it backwards, idiot. That was you paying back for calling Sasuke a whore."

There's no panic, no fear. I vaguely register the fact that I'm in deep shit right now – just me against Yukio and his gang of five, ten stupid-looking tough guys – but it doesn't seem to matter much, especially next to the injustice he did Sasuke.

"Was I wrong?" he asks in mock concern. "I'm _so_ sorry. It must be you who's the whore, since no one would want you unless they were desperate for some action."

"Go fuck yourself, Yukio. I bet my relationship is a thousand times better than yours. I feel sorry for the poor girl you bullied into being your toy."

It's a mark of how nasty he is that he doesn't even react to that. My dislike for him doubles.

"No, Uzumaki, that's not how it goes. _You're_ the whore; _you're_ the one who gets fucked. 'Course, I'd make you suck me off as punishment, but you'd probably enjoy it!"

It's as if none of them has ever heard anything funnier. They laugh like maniacs, their ugly voices filling the air right up to the flat sky. As though in response, the clouds let off a peal of thunder, roaring distantly. Yukio glances up at the gathering darkness, then turns back to me.

"Look, I'm gonna make this quick. I give you the beating I owe you, and you learn not to fuck with me again. We have a deal?"

Even as he speaks, he rolls up his sleeves and draws back his fist. I dodge his first punch easily, but apparently he actually thought ahead this time – that was just a diversion so he could sock me in the stomach. Winded, I cough, and he takes the opportunity to punch me in the face. I fall hard, tasting blood. He grabs me by the front of my shirt, heaves me up, and slams me against the wall, pinning me there.

I can't help vividly remembering, for just a split second, a similar situation almost a month ago, behind the movie theatre, with Sasuke. But Yukio's leering face is nothing like Sasuke's unreadable one. Sasuke may have been an ass, but Yukio's a fucking bastard.

"Bet you're wishing your boyfriend was here to save you." Putting on a high-pitched, pathetic, whiny voice, he simpers, " 'Oh, Sasuke-kun, save me from the scary men, they might rape me!' " They all laugh again. "You won't have to worry about that, Uzumaki. I don't want to touch you unless it involves hurting you. We wouldn't want Uchiha coming after us for violating his little Naru-chan, would we? No, that's reserved just for him."

"Don't talk like you know us," I growl. "Just 'cause _your_ girlfriend is nothing but a fuck buddy, doesn't mean we're doing anything of the sort."

His grip on my neck tightens, and my hands fly automatically to his wrist, but he doesn't let up. "Yeah?" he says. "So what do you do, help him cut his wrists? Does that turn you guys on?"

Rage erupts inside me again like a roaring explosion. "Stereotyping fucktard!"

"Have you _seen_ the clothes he wears? He even has those emo-tastic (his friends laugh at this one) striped armbands."

I could yell for at least a minute about does Yukio only let stupid things into his head, because Sasuke doesn't wear those every day and clearly he would if he were hiding scars, and I like those armbands anyway; but all I can do is keep shouting names as the anger blocks out any coherent words and all the while his fingers are constricting tighter around my throat.

"I don't know what you see in him," he continues, oblivious to my insults. "I dunno what any of the girls see in him. He's a skinny-ass prissy emo-nerd who thinks he's too cool to be popular. And look, he's gay too. Well, if that's the only thing you consider good about him, then maybe I've answered my own question, eh?"

They all laugh yet again. Their laughter taunts me, and it starts to ring again like it did in bio class the first time. My own words become blurred, the loudness harsh in my ears, and I would have shut up for fear of sounding stupid and losing the argument if I wasn't so pissed off. As it is, I don't care if I'm even making words anymore; I just want to see whether Yukio's eardrums or my vocal cords will give out first. Dimly I hear Yukio saying something angrily; I make out the words "Sasuke" and "head up his ass" and then a fist comes up to my face as if in slow motion, pain bursts through my head, and the world goes black.

—

"_Naruto…"_

My eyes fly open. It's dark; all I can see is my own body. I feel no ground under my feet, no air around me, and yet I'm standing firmly, and I can see my body and nothing else. No clothes, even. Just me.

"_Hey, kid…"_

The voice echoes all around me – _inside_ of me. But I can't see a thing.

"_Brat!"_

Two gigantic red lights blink into sight in front of me – a pair of eyes, glowing red, thin and slanted.

"Who are you?" I call out. I feel no emotion. There is no fear, no curiosity. Everything seems empty here, flat. I'm in a state of calm that little can disrupt.

"_Tell me, Naruto, do you want power?"_

A huge face looms out of the darkness. Giant metal bars separate it from me, although the spaces between them are large enough for me to walk through easily. The fur on the face is long, an almost sickly orange colour; black lips stretch and part to reveal rows of teeth, each one bigger than me and wickedly sharp. The red eyes are rimmed with black as well, dark patches almost resembling a racoon or panda, but much more sinister. The nose is similarly black, a pointed snout. A pair of long ears rises up above its head.

"…Kyuubi." Still I have no feelings. Kyuubi grins at me, showing his gums.

"_Do you want power? You could eradicate them in one blow."_

At this my heart stirs, just a little. Whether he can see it in my eyes or it's because he's inside of me, Kyuubi notices.

"_That Uchiha Sasuke… you care about him, don't you?"_

A sense of protection rises inside me. "Yeah. How do you know?"

Laughter rings out, a deep, rumbling laughter, almost evil. _"Brat, I see everything you do. I feel everything you feel. I even remember the things you don't. That one time a few weeks ago when you got reeeally drunk…"_

"Don't change the topic."

"_They're insulting him."_

"Still?"

"_No, no. This is a sort of limbo state. Nothing's happening outside you. Want me to repeat the things you were too angry to hear? I can recite them word for word."_

"No. I know enough."

"_You're angry, boy. You want revenge."_ It isn't a question.

"Yes."

"_I can give you that. Let me lend you a bit of my power…"_ An orange substance, not liquid, not gas, but something that flows and seeps, begins to trickle out from between the bars. It slowly comes to my feet, but instead of touching me it goes around, leaving a black circle around me as though I'm protected by a wall. _"All you have to do is say the word."_

"What's in it for you?"

"_Just a little freedom. Don't worry; I can't get out all the way – this seal makes sure of that."_ As though on cue, the darkness dissolves high above to reveal a locked and chained section of the bars – the place where the doors connect, I realize – with a piece of paper, which reads "seal", stuck to it._ "It binds me here. You'd have to take off the seal yourself, Naruto, to let me out. But for now… a little power for a little freedom. It's temporary, I assure you. Let me give you a taste of what you could do with my full power."_

Almost unconsciously I make a mental note to be highly cautious about Kyuubi.

"_A little power… a little revenge… How about it, kid?"_

"…Okay."

I feel a barrier evaporate when I say that word. The orange substance around me closes in and touches my feet. A surge of energy flows throughout my body, and then it's dark again.

—

The world shifts in and out of focus, then finally clears. My first thought – freedom at last! Excitement courses through my old body, but then I realize I'm still intensely limited. Though energy flows around me so strongly that it creates an aura – even one of my tails forms in a red haze – my actions are still dictated by the brat's emotions. Taking stock of the situation, I sense three essences residing in his body: my power, his conscious mind, and his emotions, the last of which seem almost to have become their own entity, separated from his rational thoughts. Though his thoughts now are as clear to me as my own thoughts when he's in total control of himself, they affect nothing, so strong is his fury; all he can do is watch like a spectator in front of a screen. And my power fuels the actions he takes, his anger unable to be controlled by either of us. I feel it as his teeth lengthen, canines even sharper than before, and as his nails grow, digging into the arm that pins his body to the wall. The gangster boy – Yukio, as the brat knows him – cries out (it sounds more like a shriek to me) and releases his grip. I drag Naruto's claws down the sides of the boy's wrist, creating deep gouges coupled with a strangled yell that rings like a heavenly chorus to me.

I bring his body down to a four-legged stance, bare his teeth, and roar. It sounds like a puny mewl compared to my own voice, but it sure as hell scares humans. I crouch, then spring, lunging at Yukio, relishing the look on his face as it surges closer. I bowl him over, pinning him to the ground. My fox instincts tell me to scratch and bite, but Naruto's draw me into a punch instead, his knuckles smashing into his enemy's face. I feel a tooth or two come loose behind Yukio's cheek and he coughs out blood. His consciousness blinks out like a light. That's part one accomplished, but Naruto refuses to stop beating the life out of him, pummelling him to a pulp.

Yukio's gang pulls itself together and surrounds us. Two of them try to pull Naruto's body away from their leader, but I spin him around, kicking them both in the gut one after the other, and they stagger off, coughing. All the others team up and practically lift Naruto off of Yukio, heaving him into the air. I catch him on all fours and, using the tension given to me by the fall, I leap right back again.

As I take down some more of Yukio's cronies, the sky splits, drenching everyone. I notice some of them fleeing for their lives, heading for the door, and I race to intercept them, but they get away. I'm ready to follow them, but hurried shuffling behind me grabs Naruto's attention. I turn to see three of the cowards trying to take Yukio's body inside. Naruto's rational mind subconsciously argues that they're not so much cowards as valiant friends, but it's pushed back by his rage. I chase them to the door again, but before they can get there, it flies open. There stands the Uchiha boy, looking downright horror-stricken, taking in the image of an animalistic, feral version of the person he cares so much about. He rushes over.

"Naruto!" he shouts. "Naruto? Can you hear me?"

Oh, yeah. For sure Naruto can hear you, boy. The responding, though, it ain't gonna happen. I don't speak Japanese. I communicate with Naruto is all; it's the brat's understanding of the language that translates it into something I can grasp. I can feel him fighting to regain control, but anger's a real bitch to reign in, especially when it gets to this point. Propelled by his rage, I raise an arm and slash Sasuke across the chest, destroying his shirt and leaving bright red gashes. Sasuke shouts and doubles over in pain, falling to his knees.

"N…Naruto…"

The Uchiha is now the focus of the anger; all the others have fled the roof and he's the only body left to lash out at. Naruto swipes again, tearing at Sasuke's arms. Sasuke shouts again.

"Naruto, please!" Sasuke says, voice pained. This isn't the kind of pain I like to hear in people's voices. No, this is petty emotional pain, the kind Naruto will absolutely melt for. Already I feel his fury falter. "It's me, Sasuke! Don't you recognize me?"

_Yes, yes,_ I hear Naruto's mind say, trying so desperately to voice it. _Sasuke, help me. Stop this. Please._ I tighten my grip on his body, unwilling to relinquish this freedom so soon, and scratch again, across the back of the Uchiha's hand, with less strength than before.

"Naruto," he repeats, and I can hear that he's trying desperately to focus on Naruto despite the agonizing pain he must be in. I feel my grip slipping with each time the Uchiha says the brat's name. A sickly wave of love rushes through Naruto's veins, weakening my power. "Naruto, stop this. This isn't you. You're not Kyuubi. You're not a monster."

The Uchiha is clearly suffering badly from the pain and blood loss. Any other human would have run away by now out of fear of my power, but he stays. Hell, he comes closer. He puts a hand on Naruto's shoulder and grips it tightly. I flinch. The emotion coming from the Uchiha kid is overwhelming, battling Naruto's anger, fighting to subdue it even if he can't tell. I feel my strength diminish as Naruto's emotions falter.

I raise Naruto's fist to strike again, but Sasuke grabs both the brat's arms and hugs him tightly, pinning him. I thrash weakly and finally manage to get one arm free, with which I push Sasuke back, tearing his shirt off completely. As I do so, a flash of lightning illuminates an orange gem at Sasuke's neck – that ridiculously cute fox necklace. At the sight of it, a wave of love, caring, and other disgusting emotions sweeps away the anger. I feel my power dissolve into nothing. The last thing I feel is more of that sickening love nonsense before the world surges into blackness and I'm behind bars again.

—

I feel the sensation of strong arms around me and a body pressing against mine. Then I feel the cold, the wet, my soaked clothes clinging to my skin. Slowly I pull my eyelids apart.

"S…Sasu…ke…"

He pulls back immediately when I say his name, staring into my eyes. His are filled with tears – or maybe it's rain – and they lock with mine, holding them as though afraid he'll lose them.

"You're back," he sighs in relief, hugging me tightly again. "Oh god, Naruto…"

I blink once, twice, then suddenly all the memories are back. I remember every moment of it; I remember how Kyuubi felt and how I felt and what my body did and—

"Sasuke! You're – you're hurt—" I pull away from the hug to stare at the gashes in his chest, four diagonal lines that go all the way from the shoulder to the opposite hip. There's blood all over him, running down his body and onto the ground, streaming into the rainwater.

"I'm… fine," he tries to reassure me, but I know it's a lie – I can hear the pain; I can hear his heavy breathing.

"You're not fine! I practically cut you wide open – Sasuke – Sasuke, how much blood have you lost? Do you feel dizzy?" I can feel my eyes filling with tears too; Sasuke's face is blurring. I hurt him. I hurt him physically, I hurt him badly, practically of my own will. The tears break free; I taste the saltiness as they pour and I collapse into Sasuke, shuddering, sobbing.

"Naruto… I'll be okay. It wasn't your fault. I'm just glad you're back."

"No, it was my fault; it was all my fault – I let Kyuubi take control and he – I—"

Sasuke's good hand gently rubs my back. It calms me a little, enough to think more clearly.

"We… need to go to the nurse's office," I mutter into his chest. I can smell the blood, metallic and dark, and it makes me feel sick. "I'll take you there."

"What about you? Aren't you hurt? You've got blood all over you. I was outside and saw Yukio and you and I ran up here as fast as I could—"

"I'm…" I take stock of my body, then say, almost surprised, "I'm fine. I don't hurt anywhere. Most of the blood isn't mine. I just… I'm so tired…"

"Naruto, stay with me," he says, my mind dimly registering his urgent tone. "Don't fall asleep. Come on, let's get inside."

"…Okay."

We help each other stand. I barely register anything as we walk slowly towards the door. I can still hear Sasuke's breath, short and painful; he's probably fighting just to stay up. I reach for the handle, but it turns before I can touch it. Tsunade no baa-chan's figure is silhouetted in the doorway for a moment before she pulls us inside.

"Naruto-kun! Sasuke-kun! What happened to you?"

I shake my head weakly. "Later… Please, can you take us to the nurse's office?"

"I've brought stretchers. Come on, lie down." She and some medics help us lie down. I turn my head to watch as they press on Sasuke's chest, trying to stop the bleeding. I wince at his pained face, the way his teeth are gritted hard, and yet he makes no sound, voices no weakness. It seems like forever before they clean him off and apply gauze and bandages. Then they turn to me. They dry me off and do a quick body check, but I feel no pain, no wounds. Then we're wheeled down hall after hall to the nurse's office.

Overwhelmed with worry and guilt, I close my eyes, trying to shut it all out, but the darkness only provides more fuel for the images that are glued to the insides of my eyelids. My eyes snap open again and I watch the ceiling fly by, but my eyelids feel so heavy and the sounds are blurring into each other and, even as darkness envelops me, I feel my mind shut down.

* * *

Writing Kyuubi's POV from Naruto's body was challenging but fun. Kyuubi's got a really fun personality to write.

R+F


	22. Healing

Stable.

The steady beep – beep – beep that punctuates the silence tells me that the condition is stable.

I'm lying in a bed that's not mine, under covers that aren't mine, in a place I don't know. All around me is the smell of sterile, clean things.

I never did like hospitals much.

I look around. I have nothing attached to me – no tubes or wires, no machines or strange fluids. But I am in a hospital bed, with a curtain drawn around one side and continuing on to the far wall. A little ways away, closer to the wall, is another bed. Sitting up, I realize I'm no longer in my own clothes – someone's put me in hospital PJs. I throw the covers off and swing my legs off the bed so I can get a closer look at the other patient.

Sasuke.

My heart speeds up instantly, panic rising through my blood. There are bandages on his face and the one arm that's above the covers. Taped at his elbow is a tube leading to an IV drip. I look away – I've always hated needles. But again the steady beep – beep – beep reminds me: stable.

Sasuke looks peaceful. He must have been given a lot of medication just to ease the pain. But why is he hooked up to a machine? Just how bad were the injuries? There was blood everywhere. I can still remember it, flowing freely, darkening the rainwater around him. I can still smell it, a dark, sickening scent. Though he's covered by sheets and, surely, bandages under that, I can still imagine those bright red slashes, that strangled yell when he…

I put a hand to my heart, chest heaving, painful. My eyes sting with tears. But I can't stop thinking about it, and the tears fall. I stay silent, trying to mask my shuddering breaths even as I drag my sleeve across my eyes. It hurts. It hurts in my heart, in my entire body, and it hurts more because I know I can't be hurting as much as he was. I curl up into a ball, sitting on my bed with my toes gripping the edge of the mattress. I hug my knees and bury my face, still shaking, still crying soundlessly.

This is love. This is what it means to love someone. I can't stop the pain; it hurts, it hurts so badly. I want it to stop. I don't want it to stop. It hurts, but it's not enough to pay Sasuke back for what happened. This is love, but it doesn't matter. Everything hurts. Me, him, everything.

When I can control my body a little, I cross the distance between our beds – it seems too far – and carefully climb in next to him. I take his hand in mine and silently bury my tears in the pillow.

—

"…Naruto?"

When I open my eyes, the first thing I see is Sasuke's face, quite close to mine, in a dim light that hints at the coming of dawn. I stare into his eyes for what seems like forever, searching for a message – anger, pain, anything – but all I can see is a peaceful happiness, so strong that I have to look away, as though I'd looked straight at the sun.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

His hand closes tighter around mine. "Stop."

My gaze flicks to his face again.

"It wasn't your fault, Naruto. I don't want you to apologize for anything."

"What if I want to apologize?" I turn away, once more unable to hold his stare.

"Then too bad for you."

"It hurts," I say, almost so quietly that neither of us can hear it. "Even if it wasn't me… it was my body. It may as well have been me. It hurts to know that."

"I'm not going to forgive you for anything." His tone is stern. "There's nothing to forgive."

I say nothing for a long while, staring at the wall in a sort of stupor. I can't help getting stuck in the endless cycle – I feel pain because of the pain I caused him, but then I feel bad for thinking my own pain could ever match his. With a listless will I drag myself out of it and ask, "How are your injuries?"

It takes him a moment to answer. "It hurts to breathe, a little. They put a lot of stitches in, on my chest and my arms. My facial injuries are minor."

"I didn't realize it was that bad…"

"I'll heal soon enough," he says. "They said they can take the stitches out in a week or two."

"There'll be scars."

"Maybe."

"Permanent?"

"…Maybe."

"I'm sorry."

"I won't accept your apology."

"You don't want scars."

"I don't care."

"You do."

He says nothing.

"You're beautiful, Sasuke. You don't want scars."

Contentment flows through him. "Thank you."

I push away my embarrassment, slight though it may be in this quiet, honest atmosphere. "They got to us pretty quickly. Hopefully you'll heal faster."

"I hope so," he says.

"How long will you be in the hospital?"

"I'll get out before or after they remove the stitches. It won't be too long."

"A day without you is too long," I tell him, squeezing his hand.

He smiles. "You've become attached to me pretty quickly, huh?"

"How long was it before you fell in love with me?"

"Point taken," he concedes.

"How long?"

"A few minutes."

I roll my eyes, unable to stop the smile on my face.

"When I first saw you I knew you were special to me," he says, "but when you wrote your name across the chalkboard and shouted at the class I was sure of it."

"How the hell does that attract anyone?"

"You tell me."

"I was just being loud."

"And it was annoying as hell. But it told me a lot about you, in ways that I don't even understand."

"Tell me about yourself," I say.

"This again?"

"You've got a life story to tell. I want to hear it, and it's gonna take time."

"What about you?"

"I'll tell too. Tell me about hospitals."

"Hospitals?"

"Yeah. You and hospitals."

"I've rarely been in any. A lot of people associate hospitals with bad things because usually you would go to one for injuries and illnesses, but I only ever came here once for a birth, when I was very young. Hospitals are an okay place for me."

"What about right now?"

"Now you're with me. There's nothing bad about now."

"There's a limit to reasonable optimism, teme," I tell him.

"I haven't reached it yet. What about you and hospitals?"

"I've been in a few times," I say. "I used to get into fights all the time. Minor cuts and scrapes always heal pretty fast for me, but I broke a couple of limbs, and sprained my ankle once. I associate hospitals with pain. Now, too. Not from the fight. It hurts, in my chest."

"How many times do I have to tell you, there's nothing to hurt for?"

"Always one more time," I say with a small smile.

We lock eyes. He says, "I guess this is a battle neither of us can win."

"I guess so."

He presses his forehead against mine, and I brush our noses together, closing my eyes, relaxing. Then he gently pulls away.

"I don't know about you," he says, "but I'm not sure what the nurse will say when she walks in on us both in my bed. Go back to sleep, Naruto."

…_But I want to sleep next to you,_ I protest silently. I look into his eyes again. He gently presses the pad of his thumb against my palm, then pushes my hand away. "Go on."

Slowly, I nod. "You get some rest too. You need it more."

He nods back. "Goodnight, Naruto."

"Goodnight, Sasuke."

I get back into my own bed and pull the covers over myself. Then everything falls silent. The room is so still that I can hear Sasuke's breathing. I listen as he quietly breathes in, breathes out. I listen as his breathing gradually slows. Reaching out, I sense his consciousness drift away. But I can only lie there with my eyes closed, still wide awake.

—

The sky is fully lit by the time the nurse comes in. I haven't slept a wink since waking. She comes up to me and smiles.

"How are you feeling, Uzumaki-san?"

"Just fine, thanks," I answer. "Are you gonna check on Sasuke?"

"Yes, I'm about to change his bandages. Did you want to wake him up?"

I nod. "Okay."

I cross over and sit on the edge of his bed. "Sasuke?" I put a hand on his shoulder. He stirs and opens his eyes.

"Morning, Sasuke," I say, grinning.

"Morning."

"If it's alright with you, Uchiha-san," says the nurse, "I'll be changing your bandages now."

"Sure."

We help him sit up. He winces at the movement. I take the chair in the corner and watch as the nurse unwraps the bandages around his torso first. The cuts across his chest are exactly where I remember them, only now they're pulled together by an uncountable number of stitches. I almost turn away; I hate the concept of having string through your skin holding you together, but I know it has to be done and I feel like I should be aware of the pain I've caused him. So I stare at the stitched-up cuts as the nurse checks them, taking in the redness, the awful way the skin looks like an old seam about to come apart. It makes me feel faintly sick. Finally I can't take it anymore. I put a hand to my mouth, swallowing hard, and drop my gaze to the floor.

I don't look up until all the bandages have been changed. The nurse gives Sasuke some pain medication and tells him a lot of things I don't really understand. He just nods as though taking it all in. Then she turns to me again.

"Uzumaki-san, you have no injuries," she says. "You're very lucky. From what I heard, that cat was quite vicious."

I'm about to say, "Cat?", but Sasuke quickly interrupts me by saying, "It was really big, too." He shoots me a warning glance and I shut my mouth.

"Well, Uzumaki-san," she continues, oblivious, "you're free to go if you'd like, but I suggest that you stay here and rest up for the day. You look pretty worn out."

"Yeah, I'll do that," I reply. "Thanks for everything."

"Your classmate Yukio-san is in the room down the hall, if you'd like to visit him. He's doing alright. Well, have a good day."

She smiles and leaves. I instantly turn to Sasuke.

"A _cat_?"

He shrugs. "That's the story Tsunade-sensei fed them. A really big cat."

"And they bought it?"

"She knows how to cover up things like this. She wouldn't want word to get around that Kyuubi came out."

I glance down at my hands, still distinctly remembering how my nails grew long and sharp, how they tore through flesh and… I clench my fist, feeling my nails – now blunt – digging into my palm.

"I'm afraid," I say in almost a whisper. "I'm afraid of losing control again. What if I do something worse? What if I can't get back?"

"Come here."

I sit on the edge of his bed. Gingerly he raises his arms and pulls me into a gentle hug. Not wanting to hurt him, I carefully place my hands on his back.

"I believe in you," he murmurs into my ear. "You're stronger than that."

I let his words sink in, saying nothing back. I can feel him breathing against me, his chest rising and falling. I feel his shoulder under my chin, his back under my hands. With my thumb I trace his shoulder blade down to where it disappears under his bandages. I don't want to let go.

"Tell me," he says. "How did it happen?"

I've been trying to push the memories away, to bury them deep and lose them. But Sasuke can help me. I know he can. So I wearily pull them up again, letting them play before my eyes.

"I… was on the roof – our class got cancelled. Yukio and his gang came up. I didn't even notice them until they were right behind me… He wanted payback for what happened the day I got suspended. He trapped me, and he started insulting me. Then he was insulting you—" I pull my arms tighter around him "—and then everything went black.

"It was… really strange. There was me, standing in this darkness, and then there was Kyuubi, looking down at me behind bars. He's huge. He told me I could get revenge on them, revenge for what they said about you. He said he wouldn't be free, just that he could lend me some of his power. So I let him. But – but it was… I could see everything that happened, but I couldn't control anything. I could feel a part that was me watching, and I could feel a part that was my anger, and that's what was making everything happen. It took Kyuubi's power and hurt anyone in my sight. I could feel my body doing things, but I couldn't stop it. Even Kyuubi couldn't have stopped if he wanted to. Then… then you came, and… I tried to stop, I really did. But the anger didn't stop. It… When you touched me, when you put your hand on my shoulder… I felt Kyuubi draw back. I think… he feeds on negative emotions. Love hurts him. I'm glad you came, Sasuke."

There's a moment of silence. I reach out with my senses, trying to see what Sasuke's feeling. I can't tell.

"I… was on my way back from the bathroom," he says finally, "when I saw some of Yukio's gang running down the halls. I couldn't quite make out what they said, but I heard your name… I ran up as fast as I could."

"Are they gonna tell? About Kyuubi?"

Sasuke doesn't have an answer.

Carefully I untangle myself from him. "I think I need to have a talk with Yukio."

"Be careful."

"He's a patient; what can he do to me?" I stand. "I won't be long."

The hall is empty, silent, and immaculate. The cleanliness almost makes me feel sick. I walk down the hall, checking each door as I pass it, until I find Yukio Akitaka's name on one of the doors.

He's in a smaller room, by himself. His wrist is tightly bound and there are bandages on his face, which can't entirely cover the bruises. He turns when he hears the door open, and practically jumps out of his skin.

"You!" he shouts, face contorting in anger and fear.

I raise an eyebrow at him and lean against the door frame. "Calm down. You're gonna disturb the other patients."

"Hell if I'm gonna calm down! You're a fucking monster; you can't tell me—"

"Shut up!"

He stops immediately, afraid of my anger, afraid of being hurt again.

"How's your wrist?" I ask, pretending the shouting never happened.

"Healing, no thanks to you."

"I'm not sorry. You deserved as much after what you said about Sasuke."

"I heard you attacked him too. You call that caring about someone?"

His words sting. I grit my teeth. "You try reining in a demon who has nothing but destruction on his mind. You try reining in the anger that's built up from the one thing you hate the most. Anyway, that's not what I'm here for."

"If you've got business, make it quick. I don't wanna talk to the likes of you."

"Trust me, the feeling's mutual," I growl. "I want to know how much your cronies have let slip about the incident."

"I dunno, I haven't talked to them all. Why do you care?"

"First of all, Tsunade no baa-chan told everyone it was a huge, vicious cat. That's gotta be the only story out there if it's gonna have any credibility."

He almost laughs. "A cat? Don't fucking kid me."

"Second," I say, ignoring him, "I don't need the whole school to lynch me when I get back. You obviously don't give a shit and would probably prefer it if I were shunned even more than I am now, but if you like your face the way it is I suggest you listen to me. I know how to control the Kyuubi. You can take that the good way, which is that I'll keep it from killing innocent people, or the bad way, which is that I'll let it loose on everyone I hate."

He glares at me warily. "I can't guarantee anything. Likely someone's already gone and told someone else, and you know how rumours spread at KH."

Damn right I do. "They're gonna come visit you, right? They're not asses like you?"

"Maybe." He turns away, looking out the window.

I frown, trying to get a better look at his face. Is he… Is that… loneliness?

"Well, if they do come, could you ask them about it?"

"Yeah. Whatever."

"I hope they come." I turn. "Not just for me."

I pull the door shut quietly behind me. As much of a bastard as he is, Yukio is still human. I remember how his friends were trying to bring him off the roof, when he was unconscious. That plus what I witnessed just now implies that they are friends, not just a boss and his cronies. In another time, in another situation, could we have been friends? I think about it, then sigh and head back to Sasuke's and my room. In most cases, my answer to that question would have been yes: I could get past the things he does, the way he's decided to live his life, the kinds of people he hangs out with. But Yukio insulted the person closest to me, and above all else, I can't forgive that.

Sasuke is reading when I return. When he hears the door open, he smiles, puts his book down, and waves me over. I sit next to him in the bed.

"So?" he says.

I shrug. "No promises. It might be too late to stop them now. But I think he'll try."

"That's good." He puts his hand over mine. "You look tired."

As soon as he says it, I feel my consciousness begin to slip. My eyelids suddenly feel immeasurably heavy.

"I couldn't sleep at all after I woke up last night… I just couldn't stop thinking. About… everything."

"You should sleep now. You need the rest."

"Not as much as you."

"You still need it. I may have physical injuries, but they're only superficial. Yours are harder to heal." He gestures towards my bed. "Come on. Bring your pillow here. There's enough space."

Too tired to think, I do as he tells me. He moves over, then takes the pillow from my hands and puts it next to him. I lie down. He takes my hand and pulls the sheets over me, covering his legs as well.

"You're not going to sleep?" I ask quietly.

He shakes his head. "I'm not tired right now. Get some rest, Naruto."

Even as he says it, I can feel myself drifting away. "Okay."


	23. Visitors

"_Brat. Hey, brat."_

Two huge red slits appear out of the dark high above. Suddenly I'm aware of my body, standing in the nothingness.

"_There you are. Thought I'd never get you down here."_

"Kyuubi?"

"_The one and only."_

"What do you want?" Like last time, I feel no emotions. It's just my conscious mind here, separated from my heart, as it was when Kyuubi took over my anger.

"_Hey, why the hostile words? I just thought we could have a nice little chat."_

"Right."

If my response comes off as sarcastic, he doesn't mention it. _"Found out I can talk to you now. Only when you're asleep, I think, but I did a bit of this and that and here you are, eh? Good to know you don't have to blow up at someone every time I wanna see ya."_

"I don't want to talk to you," I say. "I don't need to be influenced by you."

"_I never said you had to be influenced by me," _he says. _"I just said I wanted to talk."_

"Communication was made to make things happen."

He chuckles, a low, ominous sound. _"What, are you turning into that gay kid now?"_

"Don't call him that," I interrupt. Even if Sai isn't quite the same as the rest of us, that doesn't give anyone the right to call him names. But Kyuubi ignores me.

"_He's always rattling off textbook answers… He's an odd one, even I can see that. In all honesty I expected him to confess to you at some point. I noticed every hint, but you, you're way too oblivious, kid. A truck could be coming right at your face and you wouldn't move."_

"What's your point?"

Although I can't see him, I get the impression that he shrugs. _"Just rantin'. Never had a good rant?"_

"Your plan yesterday didn't work out too well, did it?" I say, changing the topic. "You wanted me to get addicted to your power. But that backfired. You hurt the wrong person."

"_Hey, that wasn't me!" _he says defensively. _"It was your emotions, brat. I couldn't have stopped us if I tried."_

"Well it sure as hell wasn't me," I say, feeling anger start to seep within me. "I would never hurt Sasuke, no matter what."

Kyuubi's eyes narrow to slits. _"I wouldn't usually be saying this, but your anger is a dangerous thing, boy. Your anger, coupled with my power – we could be unstoppable, imagine."_

"Are you warning me or encouraging me?"

"_Take your pick. I'd prefer the latter."_

"No, I don't think so." I turn away. "If you don't mind, I'll go back to sleeping peacefully now."

"_Hey, hey. Wait a minute, kid."_

But he has no power over me. I drift further and further away, Kyuubi's presence fading into the distance. Then everything dissolves into nothing once more.

—

I dream of shapes made of darkness, in the darkness. Everything is black. A raven swoops in the air, dancing to the sky. It lands on my outstretched arm and presses the top of its beak against my face, rubbing gently. I stroke its long, sleek feathers, and it puffs up its neck ruff happily. It flaps up and secures its feet in my back, melting into me. I can feel its wings grow huge, arching out of my back. It sweeps its wings downward, and I lift, taking to the sky with it. We soar over wide spaces, feeling nothing but peace and contentment in being together.

Then in a flash of red Kyuubi erupts out of the air and, with two great snaps of his jaws, rips the raven's wings off.

—

I bolt awake, panting. For a long moment I lay there, stunned by the images I just saw. Then I turn my head to look at the raven.

Not a raven.

Sasuke?

He's looking at me, his attention apparently drawn when I awoke. Sounding concerned, he says, "Naruto? Are you okay?"

I slowly push myself upright. He puts a comforting hand on my back. "Yeah. Bad dream. But it's over." I take a deep breath. "But before it… I… talked to Kyuubi."

"What?" He sounds alarmed at this.

"He said he called me down. I didn't know he could do that…"

"What did he do?"

I shake my head. "Nothing. He can't do anything to me. I left when I wanted to, even though he clearly wanted me to stay. But he called me down, which makes me think that he can control me unless I don't want him to."

"Then as long as you don't want him to control you, you should be fine, right?"

"No, that's just it. What if… what if I don't think he's controlling me, but really he is? What if I end up wanting to be controlled by him? What if he wants to use me?"

"As long as you know that, you're safe." He smiles reassuringly. "If he talks to you again, always be aware of that, and you'll be fine."

"But he can still say things. He can tell me anything he wants. He remembers things I don't."

"Actions speak louder than words. He's all talk. He could be lying about a lot of things. Question everything."

"I don't know…" I stare at my hands. "Remember the time I told you about, when I got so drunk I couldn't remember the night at all?"

"…Yeah."

I glance sideways, surprised by his tone of voice. I reach out with my senses, but can't distinguish what exactly is off. So I continue.

"Kyuubi said he could tell me what happened then. I dunno who was with me, but I bet someone could tell me whether Kyuubi is lying or not. I mean, I must've gotten home somehow."

The slightest amount of that same slightly-different-feeling comes from Sasuke. There's a look in his eyes as though he has something to say, but… but what? I can't tell.

"Is there something you wanted to say?" I ask.

"Hm?" he looks up. "No. I was just… thinking about it."

"…Okay."

"Don't worry about what he says. It he talks to you again, just leave like last time. And tell me about it when you wake up, alright?"

I nod. "I will."

He gently pulls me in for a brief hug, then lets go. "You missed lunch, but they left some food for you on your side table."

At the mention of lunch, my stomach reminds me of how empty it is, having also skipped breakfast. So I pull my food over to eat. The rice isn't exactly hot anymore, but at least it's not cold. I've never really minded cold rice anyway. I clear off the food, then put the tray back on the table.

We spend the rest of the day there, chatting occasionally, but mostly just being together. I try not to think about having to return to school alone, instead cherishing this time with Sasuke, not wanting to waste any of it. Sometime in the afternoon, Kiba and the gang come by, full of questions.

"What happened?" Kiba demands as soon as everyone's seated on beds and chairs.

"All we heard was that you guys had been seriously injured."

"But you don't look too bad, Naruto."

"Someone said something about a cat—"

"Slow down," I say over all the chatter. "Can't a guy talk for more than two seconds?"

They all stop talking immediately. The sudden silence makes me realize just what I have to relive – again. I swallow, then glance at Sasuke. He looks back at me reassuringly, his hand discreetly moving to take mine. So I turn back to the others and recount the story. Several times they open their mouths to interrupt, but I just give them a pointed look and they say nothing. After explaining Tsunade no baa-chan's cover-up story, I allow them to talk.

"Kyuubi?" Kiba exclaims immediately. "You – he—"

"Kiba, don't make such a big deal out of it, please," I say. "I'm having a hard enough time coping without having to worry about the actual fact that Kyuubi can do things as well."

"You're going to have to worry about it eventually," Neji says. "No one ever expected Kyuubi to be able to talk to you."

"Tell me about it," I sigh. "At least it doesn't seem he can do anything without my consent."

"Yeah, about that," says Shikamaru, "why'd you let him out like that?"

"I didn't expect him to do all that!" I say defensively. "How was I supposed to know my body would change? Anyway, I was angry. You guys know what I'm like when I get angry, and I mean _actually_ angry."

In the following silence I can tell they know what I'm talking about. I can get pretty fired up about some things, but nothing will make me lose control like someone putting down my friends. When Iruka-sensei was the first to finally accept me, I felt a sense of extreme gratitude towards him. I guess it was around then that I developed my way of being extremely protective of those I care for, because they've done so much for me.

"Anyway," I continue, "Sasuke managed to pull me out of it."

"Yeah, but what if it happens again?" Gaara says instantly. "What if there's no one there to stop you next time?"

"I won't let it happen again," I say determinedly. "Kyuubi can't do anything if I don't want him to."

At my words the others exchange glances. I frown at them, and Sai says, "Well, Naruto, not that we don't believe you, but like you said, we do know what you're like when you get angry. Can it really be guaranteed that you won't go to Kyuubi out of anger again?"

"I felt no emotion when I talked to Kyuubi. It was as if my mind was separated from my heart." I omit the part about the anger that began to creep in when Kyuubi reminded me how Yukio insulted Sasuke.

But Gaara doesn't buy it. He stares at me pointedly and says, "You're leaving something out, Naruto."

"No, I'm not—"

"Naruto."

A sense of dread fills me at the tone of Sasuke's voice. I freeze, almost afraid to move. I can feel his eyes on me, an unspeakable pressure that he doesn't even have to work at to inflict on me.

He speaks again. "Tell the truth."

I do nothing for a long moment, still fully aware of his gaze. Then, finally, I glance down and speak to my hands, telling the part about the tiny bit of emotion that leaked in.

The reaction is as I expected it – they make a bigger deal out of it than is necessary or even acceptable. I sit and take all their protests and warnings and suggestions, not really listening to any of it. Eventually Neji mentions homework and, reluctantly, they all stand up to leave.

"You'll be back tomorrow, right, Naruto?" Gaara asks.

"Yep."

Kiba asks, "You wanna come back to the school with us?"

I glance over at Sasuke. "I'm gonna stay here for a bit. I'll see you guys tomorrow at breakfast, okay?"

"But—" Kiba starts, but Neji puts a hand on his shoulder and he concedes. "Alright. Catch ya later, Naruto."

"Bye, guys. Oh – Sai?"

Sai turns to face me; the others also stop, curious.

"Uh… sorry about before."

He smiles. "It's no problem, I told you already."

"Not just that – Well, I mean, everything sort of got pushed away in the face of the Kyuubi thing, so… It's not that I've forgotten or anything. It's just…"

"No, I understand. It's fine."

I try to read his emotions, but I can't tell what he's thinking at all. "…Okay. See you later, then."

"Alright. Get better soon, Sasuke-san."

"Thanks," says Sasuke.

We watch as they file out through the door. In the doorway, Sai turns, smiles, and waves before turning back again. He doesn't close the door, though – voices start up outside. They talk for a bit, then Sai's hand leaves the door handle and Sakura-chan, Tsunade no baa-chan, and Ero-Sennin walk in.

"Naruto!" Sakura-chan rushes in as soon as she sees us, sitting on the end of the bed. "How are you?"

Tsunade no baa-chan and Ero-Sennin take the chairs in the room. I smile at them all. "I'm fine," I say. "No injuries at all, see?"

Sakura-chan looks surprised at this. "How'd you manage that?"

"Dunno," I shrug. "Yukio beat me up a little, but there's nothing. It's as if it all disappeared overnight…"

"Something like that," Tsunade no baa-chan says. Everyone looks over at her.

"As far as we've figured out," says Ero-Sennin, "Kyuubi took care of any injuries you had. Drawing on his power speeds up his regular healing."

"Huh. Is that so?"

"We don't know for sure, but that's what it looks like."

"Looks like it's at the cost of your strength, though," Sasuke puts in. "As much as Kyuubi can provide for you, in the end it's your own body."

"That's right," says Tsunade no baa-chan, nodding. "You can't expect to charge a human body with superhuman power and not receive some sort of backlash. In any case… Naruto-kun, can you tell us what happened? In as much detail as you can remember."

I let out a long breath. I have to tell the story _again_?

"It's the only way," says Ero-Sennin. "We need to prevent this from happening again."

"I can handle it," I protest. "I know how to deal with Kyuubi."

"I'm sure you do, but we can't take the risk of leaving it at that. Kyuubi is a mystery variable here. We've got no clue what he can do and we need all the info we can get to protect you and everyone."

"Please, Naruto-kun," says Tsunade no baa-chan. "All you have to do is explain what happened."

I look from her to Ero-Sennin, then to Sakura-chan, all looking at me expectantly, encouragingly. I glance over at Sasuke, who nods, his eyes saying, go on. And so I turn my memory back to the beginning and recount the tale for the third time.

This retelling is longer than the first two. I add in everything I can remember, not going so far as to quote Yukio word for word (although I could easily have done so) but explaining what it was that made me so angry and what it all felt like, because by now I've gotten the impression that emotions have a lot to do with it. I explain the flat, unfeeling sensation of the darkness in which I talked to Kyuubi, and the way anger only nudged at the edge of the blankness when Kyuubi reminded me that Yukio was insulting Sasuke. I describe how I felt when I was forced back to watch, helpless, as Kyuubi's power coupled with my fury took a hold of my body and unleashed on Yukio, his gang, and Sasuke. I tell them about how Sasuke refused to run away, how Kyuubi pulled away at Sasuke's touch, how he released me completely when I saw the necklace around Sasuke's neck. I tell them about my horror upon realizing what I'd done to Sasuke – I didn't spare half a thought for Yukio; everything seemed trivial, unimportant in the face of the blood spilling before me. By the end of it I'm squeezing Sasuke's hand hard, just to remind myself he's still here, that he's still warm and alive and safely next to me.

There's silence for a few moments after I finish, in which Sakura-chan looks at me in a sort of desperate disbelief, as though pleading silently for me to say it's not true, that Kyuubi can't do all this. The two adults are deep in thought, saying nothing to me, to each other. Eventually Ero-Sennin speaks, and his tone isn't very reassuring.

"This could be a bit of a problem," he mutters. "I've told you before, Naruto – you're not the best at controlling your emotions. And I'm sure you know that. If you let yourself be taunted like that again, there's no telling what Kyuubi can do."

"I feel nothing when I talk to Kyuubi," I argue.

"That's not true," says Sasuke, and his voice reflects the emotion I sense from him. It can't be called anger, exactly, nor is it disappointment. But his tone is stern. "You said that when Kyuubi mentioned what Yukio was talking about, you started feeling anger. That was only a little bit, but imagine if Kyuubi realized what he'd done. He could easily goad you into losing logical rationalization over emotion. When you're talking to Kyuubi in that darkness, let's say that's your rational mind. Usually, you can separate your emotion from your logic, and you're fine. But when Kyuubi mentioned the one thing that makes you the angriest, you felt a tiny bit of anger – your emotion began to take over your logical thinking. If the emotion you feel in that darkness reflects what you feel outside, and that small anger reflects your outer fury, then just think of what you'd be like outside if inside you were even reasonably angry."

Any argument I might have had is instantly snuffed out by Sasuke's words. As much as I'd like to deny it, it's impossible to ignore his reasoning. Defeated, I look to Ero-Sennin and Tsunade no baa-chan.

"That's quite possible," says Ero-Sennin, "and if it's true, then all the more we should worry. Rage can drive the sanest man to do unthinkable things. If you can't control your emotions, Naruto, you're done for."

A chill courses through me. "Not just me," I say. "If Kyuubi can become stronger than that… There's no telling who I could hurt."

Tsunade no baa-chan nods approvingly. "You understand the situation, then. So, Naruto-kun, what do you propose we do?"

"I… I don't know. You expect me to know how to solve this?"

"Well, state the problem."

I hate when teachers lead you through to the answer as though they know it already and just want you to figure it out yourself. It always makes me feel like an idiot, and now isn't the time for that. But now's also not the time to argue that, so I play along.

"When people insult people I care about, I get angry to the point where Kyuubi wakes up. Hey, why can Kyuubi suddenly do so much?"

Sasuke speaks up. "Yukio and I were probably a trigger. How often have people seriously insulted your friends before?"

"Well I mean, there wasn't really any point in doing it to my face, or singling me out to do it. I guess sometimes my friends and I have been mocked when we're together, so they've been around to cancel out the anger, but I've also never cared about someone this much before."

"Alright," says Tsunade no baa-chan, "so your anger brings out Kyuubi. How do you stop bringing out Kyuubi?"

"By stopping getting angry. But I can't—"

"Exactly," Ero-Sennin cuts in. "You have to learn to hold your temper. If you can't handle people saying bad things about those you care about, you can't protect yourself and others. Got it?"

I swallow. "Yes."

"Good," says Tsunade no baa-chan. "Always be aware of your emotions." She smiles. "I'm glad you're okay, Naruto-kun. You too, Sasuke-kun, I hope you recover quickly."

Tsunade no baa-chan and Ero-Sennin leave, and Sakura-chan turns back to us. She looks from me to Sasuke then back to me, as though at a loss for words.

"So, Sakura-chan," I say, "how've you been?"

"Me? Oh, well… I'm alright. I can't say there's anything to complain about, especially after what you've been through. To think that Kyuubi…"

"Yeah. But what can you do about it? There's no point wondering why now. All we can do is move forward."

She smiles and nods, then turns to Sasuke. She hesitates before saying tentatively, "How are your injuries, Sasuke-kun?"

"I'll admit it hurts, but I'll be okay. It'll take more than a couple of scratches to get rid of me."

Sakura-chan laughs a little. "Listen… I don't want to make this whole thing awkward. I mean, after everything… the Halloween festival, and all the stuff before that… Even though I know you're with Naruto, can we still be friends?"

Sasuke smiles. "Of course."

We end up chatting for a couple of hours, laughing together like we've all known each other forever. Dinner comes around and Sakura-chan excuses herself, leaving us to eat alone. We do so in relative silence.

Just as I'm finishing up, Sasuke asks, "What was that thing you apologized to Sai for?"

"What? Oh." I turn to put my tray on my table in the hopes of making it seem unimportant. "Nothing, really."

As soon as I say it, a chill runs down my spine. Turning, my eyes find Sasuke's, and suddenly my gaze is locked with a dark glare. When Sasuke speaks, his voice is normal – or almost normal. "Naruto, don't lie."

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. "It's not important," I say, although by all rights I should have just shut my mouth – my tone betrays me.

"Naruto…"

I shiver a little. To hear my name, in his voice, in that tone… He _knows_. He knows what it's about, I can tell. I glance down, unable to look at those frigid eyes.

"Just before Yukio came up to the roof… Sai confessed to me. He didn't expect anything out of it," I add quickly before Sasuke can speak, "but he said he thought I ought to know. I just… figured it wasn't important, because it doesn't change anything between us."

Sasuke is silent. I reach out with my senses until I find his presence. Really I didn't have to search for it – I can always feel it now – but I feel more sure of what I sense if I delve deeper. I glance over, unwilling to turn and face him, able only to sneak contact with him out of the corner of my eye.

"Why didn't you want to tell me?" he asks.

"Because I figured it wasn't important. It doesn't change anything."

"That doesn't mean I don't want to know."

"But if it doesn't matter—"

"Then it shouldn't matter if you tell me, right?"

I try to find something to say, something I can use to argue against him. But there's nothing. "…Yeah."

Sasuke lets go of my hand and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in closer. "Don't be afraid to tell me anything."

"Okay." I close my eyes, taking in his warmth for a moment, then pull back. "I should probably go. There might be homework I missed that needs doing for tomorrow."

He seems slightly doubtful of my excuse, but he nods. "Alright."

"I'll come see you tomorrow as soon as I can, okay? Get lots of rest. I want you back as soon as possible." I lean in and press a kiss to his lips.

"I will. See you later, Naruto."

"Bye, Sasuke."


	24. Life Without Sasuke

It's with mixed feelings that I sign out at the front desk and leave the hospital. I feel a little guilty, a little regretful about using an excuse to get away from Sasuke, because I never considered the possibility of not wanting to be around him. But as I make my way back to Konoha High, I can't help thinking that maybe there's a darker side to Sasuke that I haven't seen before. Frankly it shouldn't be that surprising – after all, I know firsthand how much of a bastard he can be, but his previous abuse was at least partly justified. But that doesn't automatically make him the purest angel you ever met. I didn't expect him to be like this, but then I didn't expect him to be perfect either. I guess I didn't think about it at all.

But that look he gave me… I can't shake the memory of that feeling, as though suddenly everything was wrong. Over the course of the past month I've gotten to know Sasuke in ways that aren't necessarily explicit – I have a lot of ideas of what he's like, never put to words or solid thoughts, but underlying in my overall impression of him. There was something about that look. Though it was chillingly new, hostile and maybe even antagonizing, there was still an essence of Sasuke's nature in it, still something I'd recognized. Maybe that's why it was so frightening – to know that he's capable of a feeling like that.

Sasuke is… possessive. That's the impression I get. If he has something, he protects it fiercely, even if you can't really see his passion. He can't clap me in irons and hide me from the outside world, but he can make me wear his family crest for a day and subtly remind me who I'm with. It seemed all in good fun that day, but now, after what just happened, I wonder if it meant more to him than it did to me. Perhaps he's never had a chance to show it before. Did he know Sai liked me, before I even told him – maybe even before Sai told me, maybe even before I started going out with him? I'm oblivious to a lot of stuff. That much I know from my friends. I don't notice things sometimes. Maybe Sasuke is wary of Sai. Maybe he thinks that I didn't tell him because I didn't want to admit it. But honestly, I didn't think it was that important, in terms of our relationship. So what if Sai likes me? It doesn't stop me liking Sasuke. Sasuke's done so much for me, showed me so much caring and love. It's impossible to deny that.

My thoughts occupy me all the way home, until I finally flop down on my bed to stare at my ceiling. As soon as the silence sets in, it occurs to me how empty it is here. It's just me here, for who knows how long. It'll be just like life a month ago – spending alone time in the dorm, hanging out with the gang, with no Sasuke around to have to deal with. It'll be great.

I sigh and roll over, tracing invisible patterns on the wall. It's not about "dealing with" Sasuke anymore. If you could still call it that, then I'd be glad to deal with him all the time. Now… I miss him. Look at that – not even an hour and I miss him already. The dorm room is too empty. I've gotten so used to his presence, always so close to me, always right there for me…

Not feeling like doing anything, I put myself to bed early. It hardly makes a difference though. The room feels so different, as though an integral part of it is missing, that I don't fall asleep for hours.

—

I'm assaulted at breakfast by girls. I manage to hold them off until I actually get some food, but as soon as I sit down they bombard me with questions.

"Is Sasuke-kun alright?"

"Did you get hurt?"

"He's in the hospital? How is he?"

"When will he be back?"

"Is he going to die?"

I almost snort at this one. "No, he's not going to die. He's fine."

"But don't you miss him?"

My gaze flicks to the girl who said that, and she falls silent as though she said something offensive. I just smile a little at her.

"Yeah. I miss him."

There's a silence around me, as though all the girls are holding their breaths. Then, all at once, they let out the most annoying squeal.

"Awwwww!"

"That's _sooooo_ cute!"

"Poor Naru-chan, all alone!"

"Don't call me that," I snap. "And I can deal on my own, you know? I'm independent."

"But you never go anywhere without him anymore!"

"I haven't seen either of you alone in weeks!"

"We're not attached by the hip or anything!" I shout above the clamour.

"You're attached by the soul!"

"Connected by the red string of fate!"

"How romantic!"

Resisting the very strong urge to gag, I stand, make excuses, and take my food out with me. My god, no wonder Sasuke is gay. Are all girls that… squeaky?

The day drags on and on, try as I might to engage myself with my other friends. Kiba manages to distract me in volleyball during gym, but math is possibly the longest hour and twenty minutes of my entire life. It seems like forever before the bell rings and we all high-tail it outta there for lunch, which is entertaining enough, although I would be happier if Sasuke were around. The seating plan in Japanese class has changed again, and I'm not sitting near anyone I know, so I immerse myself in Iruka-sensei's lessons, trying hard to keep my spirits up. Bio is the only class I don't have with Sasuke, so I'm used to him not being around. I chat with Sakura-chan to pass the time.

When class is over, I rush to my dorm room as fast as I can, grab my cell and wallet as well as my collection of Sasuke's missed homework from my bag, and make for the bus stop. The hospital isn't far from the school, which is convenient in multiple ways. I get there in half an hour and check in as a visitor. The same nurse who helped us yesterday takes me to the room.

"How is he?" I ask her as we go down the halls.

"He's healing normally. He should be up and about in a week or so, but he can't engage in vigorous activity until he's fully healed. The doctor says the stitches can't come out for two weeks, but that he'll be well enough to attend school."

I nod. "That's good. I'll keep an eye on him when he gets out."

"You must be very good friends," she smiles.

I just smile back.

The nurse looks in quickly on Sasuke before leaving. As soon as the door closes, I pull Sasuke into a big hug.

"Ouch – be careful, dobe," says Sasuke, although he sounds happy and I can feel contentment coming from him.

"Sorry." I draw back, staring into his eyes, seeing my own happiness reflected in them. He takes me into a long kiss, pressing his lips against mine. I savour the feeling, the touch of his hands, the grip of his fingers. When we pull apart, I hug him again, not wanting to let go.

"Naruto," he says softly. It's not a question, a statement – he's not communicating anything. Just saying my name.

"I had a long day," I murmur back.

"So did I."

"Heh. I guess I can't complain, since you're not even doing anything here." I reach into my pocket. "Well, here's the homework you missed. You can do it while I'm not around. I can't get your literature stuff, but the rest I can bring."

I stay there for the rest of the visiting hours, sitting with Sasuke and talking about my day. He comments sometimes, but mostly just listens. I know I'm probably being annoying, but he seems content enough, and I want to fill the silence and the time. So I go on and on about each period and the people and everything, then, when the announcement system calls for all visitors to leave, I give Sasuke a last kiss and hug and stand up to go.

"I'll come back tomorrow, okay? Since it's the weekend I can be here all day."

"You don't have to," he says. "You should take the opportunity to spend more time with your friends. I know it's just been the two of us for a pretty long time, and between you and me, I think Kiba misses you more than he's willing to admit. Go on. Give them a day too."

"What, are you sick of me already?" I ask playfully.

He smiles. "Hn. Maybe I am."

I laugh and kiss him on the cheek one last time. "Fine. I won't see you tomorrow, then."

"Alright. Have a good weekend for me."

"I will."

As soon as I get home, I flop onto the bed. Maybe I should just sleep now… I mean, it's only about eight, but what else is there to do? I guess I could go visit someone… Kiba, maybe. The words Sasuke said to me play back in my mind: _I think Kiba misses you more than he's willing to admit_. How does he know? When did he have the time to talk to Kiba? Or did he notice something I didn't? I try to think of times when both Sasuke and Kiba were around, searching for some sign, some detail that might explain it, but there's nothing. I heave a sigh, then roll out of bed and make for Kiba's room.

Shino, Kiba's roommate, opens the door before I can knock on it. I never understood why he always wears sunglasses and a high-collared coat, even indoors… He looks a bit sketchy, to be honest. But he's a good guy. It's not like he's hiding anything – even he has to wear normal gym clothes, and you'd die of heat stroke in the summer in a coat like his.

"Hello, Naruto-kun," he says when he sees me. "Did you come for Kiba? I'm just on my way out."

"Yeah."

He steps back to let me in, then steps out and shuts the door behind him. Kiba's at his computer, but he turns around when he sees me. "Yo, Naruto! What's up?"

"Just dropping by," I grin. I go over and sit on the end of his bed.

"Oh, here's the homework you missed yesterday." He grabs some papers out from his bag and hands them to me. I look over them briefly before folding them up and putting them in my pocket. Sasuke's pockets would never have fit that much. "So. No injuries, huh?"

"Nope. Kyuubi took care of it. I didn't get hurt much while in Kyuubi mode, but Yukio beat me up a bit before that."

"Bet he won't be messing with you anytime soon."

"He might take it as a warning and leave me alone, or he might get offended and try something big. Who knows? He seemed pretty scared when I went to see him in the hospital, but he might get cocky again."

"We're here for ya if anything happens, y'know that, right?" He holds up his hand; I clap mine to his and grip it tightly. It's a different sort of physical contact than what I have with Sasuke. But we gotta make contact somehow.

"Yeah, I know. I don't think Yukio will be much of a problem anymore."

"He'd better not be. Or else he deals with us," says Kiba, winking. "So, what do you say we go for a round of Worms?"

I pull up a chair next to Kiba and before long we're fighting worm against worm, team against team, shouting and laughing and doing what we always used to. It really has been a long time since I forgot everything and just had a good time with the gang. Sure, I see them all the time in classes and at meals and we do go out, but I also cherish my time with Sasuke and it feels weird being close to him when the others are around too.

We play a couple more rounds, then Kiba's music switches to the song that came up at the Stoneheads last time, the one we danced to. We exchange grins, then move to the middle of the room and start dancing.

It's been a while since we practiced. We know this dance well, so it was easy enough to pick up at the Stoneheads (although I'll admit it was pretty lucky that we got the last handstand), but there are lots of others that could use reviewing. So Kiba sets up his music player to play all the songs we dance to, and we spend the rest of the night practicing. We also just rock out to the ones we haven't got choreography to, but which come up at Stoneheads a lot. It's tiring, but it's loads of fun.

Shino comes back at around one in the morning with a glowing bug in a jar, so I bid Kiba farewell and head back to my room. There I shower and jump into my PJs, then climb into bed and, refusing to give myself time to brood over the emptiness of the room, let the exhaustion of dancing take me.

—

I take breakfast alone the next morning. With Sasuke gone, the walk to the cafeteria seems a lot longer, and when I do get there I don't meet anyone I know. It's not until I get back to my room that I find Kiba waiting outside my door with his iPod boom box on the ground next to him.

"There you are!" he says. "I've been knocking for like a minute now."

"It's only ten, Kiba," I reply. "Am I not allowed to get up late on a Saturday?"

He waves away my words. "I had an awesome idea."

"That's a first," I joke.

Kiba glares at me and ignores me again. "D'you think any of the others would be interested in dancing?"

"Hmm." I think about it. "I dunno. I don't think Neji would, and Shikamaru's too lazy… we can ask, though, yeah."

"I can't believe we didn't think of this sooner," Kiba says as we make our way to Shikamaru's dorm. "I mean, they know about it and everything… Why didn't we think of this sooner?"

I laugh. "Dunno."

—

"Too much trouble."

"Everything's too much trouble with you, Shikamaru!" Kiba complains. "Picking up a pencil is too much trouble! It's a wonder you even go to class."

"Dancing is a lot more trouble than picking up a pencil," Shikamaru complains back. "You think I can dance?"

"You dance fine at the Stoneheads," I pitch in. "Come on, it's fun! It's not like you'll be doing flips or anything."

"Ask the others." He closes the door on us.

"Lazy ass," Kiba mutters. "Fine, let's find Sai."

—

Sai has no qualms about it, and Gaara, though a little reluctant, sounds interested. Neji is harder to convince, but eventually we rope him in too. We go back to Shikamaru and, with everyone insisting that he join us, he gives in, saying it'd be too troublesome if we kept bugging him about it forever. So, with Kiba's boom box in tow, we all head for the tree at the back of the grounds.

We spend the day practicing. Kiba and I decide it's better to start with something where we all have the same moves, so we pick a dance we know and teach it to the others. It's slow going, and we have to modify some parts – for one thing, Kiba's and my moves are different in some places so we have to decide which to use; for another, some of the moves take too much practice to be a good first dance so we have to simplify them or change them altogether – but the others are enthusiastic, as are we, and by dinnertime they know the whole dance. It's rough, and everyone's got blank spots, but it's more or less all there.

We agree to meet at the dorm crossings for dinner. I return to the dorm room to shower and change, then head out to find the others. We go to the market to eat, then spend the rest of the evening in several games of laser tag. After that we return to the school grounds and spread out in the grass, lying on our backs and looking up at the stars. I scan the sky for Sasuke's and my constellations of the raven and the fox, but they're covered by clouds. I sigh, feeling lonely again.

"What's up, Naruto?" Gaara asks.

"Huh?" I turn my head to look at him. "Oh, nothing. It's been a good day, ne?"

He nods. "Yeah. This dancing thing is a lot of fun, once you get into it. And it's been a long time since we've had the chance to hang out like this."

"Sorry about that."

"No, no, it's fine. I'm glad you're happy with Sasuke." He smiles. "He's done a lot for you."

"He has. But still, I shouldn't neglect you guys."

Kiba stirs at my words, but says nothing. I guess Sasuke was right. He noticed all sorts of things that I didn't, when I should have been the one paying attention.

"Are you going to visit him again tomorrow?" he asks.

"Yeah."

"Must be boring to have to sit in bed all day," says Neji. "Is Sasuke a good dancer?"

"Yeah, he – Wait, what? Why?"

He just smiles and says, "Seven is a very lucky number in Western culture."

"Huh?"

"You're incurably dense," says Shikamaru in a tone that assures me he's rolling his eyes. "We're suggesting he join us in dancing. He probably won't be able to dance until he heals up, and he'd probably fall behind, but if you help him catch up then it'd probably be okay."

I nod. "Yeah, I can do that. What's everyone else say?"

There are no complaints, and so Sasuke's added to the list.

We head back for the night and I say goodnight to the others as I return to my dorm room. For the rest of the night until I fall asleep, our routines are going through my head with Sasuke alongside.

* * *

I ended up veering a little off the path I'd intended to take for this chapter. No worries, though. I guess this is where Naruto gets to spend some time without his irresistible boyfriend for a bit.

R+F


	25. Two to Tango

"Dancing?"

I nod enthusiastically. "Neji suggested it. So, you wanna?"

Sasuke considers. "I don't usually dance in a group."

"Aw, come on! It's loads of fun. I'm gonna come up with some dances for just the two of us as well. Don't try to tell me you don't wanna dance with me," I add, winking.

He smiles. "I would never pass up an opportunity to dance with you, dobe."

"Then it's settled!" I grab his hands and grin. "As soon as you're well enough, I'll teach you the routines."

"Hn." He raises an eyebrow at me, an amused look on his face. "I do believe I was just conscripted into your dance group."

"Looks like it," I laugh.

"When was it that I agreed?"

"When I told you about it. Now stop trying to worm out of it. It'll be fun! I promise."

"I'm holding you to that." He smiles and hooks his pinkie into mine, and we shake.

I sigh and shuffle in closer, lacing my fingers between his, and rest my head on his shoulder. "It's lonely without you."

"Come on, usuratonkachi. You're independent, aren't you? You can live without me for a few days."

I nod, remembering having told the fangirls the same thing the other day. "I've gotten so used to having you around, though… It's like I haven't left you for a whole month. It's just… suddenly, after being together constantly, we can't even spend time together for half the day. It's such a different lifestyle now."

Sasuke is silent for a moment, then his hand untangles itself from mine and rests on my head, sifting slowly through my hair.

"I know what you mean."

—

The next day of classes alone is just as slow as the first one, if not more so – this time all four of my classes are supposed to be with Sasuke. I actually fall asleep during History, which gets confusing when I dream that Sasuke's there and we start dancing in front of the class. When the last bell of the day rings and wakes me, however, I jump up immediately, race all the way back to the dorm room, blast the song that was in my dream, and start choreographing. It takes a good few hours to figure it all out – especially since I'm the only one here and I have to do both parts. It still needs some final touches, but those will have to wait until Sasuke can do it with me. Feeling eager to start practicing with him, I grab my stuff and head for the hospital.

There's only an hour of visiting time left, so I hurry up to Sasuke's hospital room. I give him his homework and the notes he missed first to get that out of the way, then I get him to listen to the song. It's not a very fast tune, but the rhythm is clear and the melody is catchy. Sasuke's fingers tap against the back of my hand along with the song, and I can tell he likes it.

"Show me the dance," he says.

"But – well, it's a dance for two people. It looks stupid when I do it alone."

He cocks an eyebrow. "You're afraid of looking stupid?"

"Don't you dare say something like 'you already look stupid,' teme."

"I wouldn't _dream_ of it," he smirks. "Either way, you're going to have to show me eventually. How else am I going to learn it?"

"I dunno, I figured we could just…" I trail off, realizing I'd never really thought about how I'd teach him the moves. "Well, when I teach you it'll be in slow-mo. Doing it alone to the music is just weird, y'know?"

He sighs. "Fine, I get it. I'll just have to wait until I heal up, is that what it is?"

I make a big show of crossing my arms and nodding. "Exactly."

Sasuke laughs, and I can't help snickering too. He puts an arm around my shoulders. I lean in closer to him.

—

I visit him for the next three days, bringing him his homework and notes. After my last class on Friday, I run into Shikamaru on the way to the dorm. We chat for a bit, and he brings up our movie nights and a new flick that came out today. It looks hilarious and everyone's excited about it, so I eagerly grab my stuff from my dorm room and head to the common room to meet the others. We get some food at the theatre, eating as we watch, then, after the movie, we head home.

It's not until we reach the grounds that I realize the hospital's visiting hours are long over and I barely even thought about Sasuke. Kiba tells me not to worry, that Sasuke can go one day without seeing my face. The others are a little nicer about the words they pick, but still they say it's no big deal. It's convincing, but I still feel sort of bad as I lie in bed that night.

But one thing leads to another and, with dancing and drinking and arcade games, everyone manages to distract me thoroughly right up until Sunday evening. It's with serious distress that I struggle through Monday's classes. I almost leave for the hospital right from the last class, but Kiba, who wasn't in class for some odd reason – I mean, he was in the class before that – intercepts me outside the classroom.

"Kiba! What are you doing out here? Why weren't you—"

"Never mind that. What's up with you? You look like you're in a rush."

"I'm going to visit Sasuke. It's been four days and I completely forgot about him."

"Oh, come _on_," he says exasperatedly. "It's not like he's dying. Do you really want to drag your textbook to the hospital and back?"

"It's not that heavy…" I pause. "Then again, I left his schoolwork from Friday on my desk."

"Yeah, he'll need that for tomorrow. Geez, why don't you stop and think once in a while…"

"Whatever. You gonna walk back with me?"

"Sure."

"So why'd you skip, anyway?" I ask as we set off.

He shrugs. "Got distracted."

"You got _distracted_ from _class_?"

"Yeah, so what?" he says, sounding stubborn and disgruntled. I frown and take a closer look at him. Kiba's not one to "get distracted" enough to skip. It's not even like when Shikamaru and I overslept and missed math. There was a class before this one, and Kiba was there for that.

"Is something wrong, Kiba?"

"Huh? No, idiot." His tone of voice isn't suspicious or anything, and I sense no hint of a lie in it, so I take his word for it this time. But he's definitely keeping something from me.

"By the way," he says as we reach his floor in the dorm building, "expect a surprise when you get to your room. See ya."

And with a wave of his hand, he leaves me with no hint of an explanation. I watch him go until he rounds the corner, then continue up the stairs on my own. Maybe that's what he was hiding?

I enter the dorm room, then turn to my desk and slip off my bag so I can take out the stuff I don't need, then go to put in Sasuke's work from Friday. Then I realize it's not on my desk. But I definitely remember putting it there…

I nearly jump out of my skin when a pair of arms slips under mine and pulls me flush against a strong body. As the person's chin hooks over my shoulder, a fresh, cool scent surrounds me and Sasuke's presence floods my senses.

"Okaeri, dobe," a low voice murmurs, lips brushing against my jaw.

"S-Sasuke!" I turn my head, but before I can get a good look he spins me around and presses a kiss to my lips. The sensations come rushing through my body, bringing back what I'd missed the past few days, reminding me how much I needed this – needed his presence next to me. I drink in his touch, his smell, his taste. My fingers reacquaint themselves with the texture of his hair and the planes of his back, and I notice that under his shirt there are no bandages. I detach myself from him to hold him at arm's length and look him up and down.

He's in greyish blue PJs, as though he's been lounging around comfortably all day; his feet are bare. I push up his sleeves – the bandages are gone, revealing faint memories of the cuts and bruises on his arms. I glance at his torso, then meet his eyes; he gives a small nod in understanding and pulls off his shirt. There, too, his scratches are healing, worse than the others, but much better than I last saw them – the stitches are still there, but they no longer seem as bad as they used to be. My hand floats unbidden towards the injuries, and I trace one diagonal slash with my thumb, hardly daring to touch it lest I hurt him. He doesn't flinch when I make contact; I sense no spike in his being and his mind and soul are calm. When I reach the end of the wound, I let my hand continue around his back, then hug him close, closing my eyes, blocking out everything but him.

"I missed you," I whisper.

"I missed you too," he whispers back. "By the way, I haven't gotten my 'tadaima' yet."

I smile and pull him onto my bed, lying next to him. "Tadaima, teme. How're you feeling? When did you get back?"

"They let me go after lunch. I'll have to go back in a week to get the stitches out."

"Does it still hurt?"

"No, not much. A bit if you apply pressure."

I sigh. "Well, I'm glad you're back, and that you're okay. I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you."

"It was only a few days, Naruto. Anyway, it's not like I could have done anything – you were the one that was supposed to come visit me."

I shift in closer to him, hooking my arm through his and putting my head next to his shoulder. "Sorry. Did you run into Kiba on the way here?"

Sasuke's eyebrows go up. "Yeah, did you talk to him?"

"I was gonna go right to the hospital after classes, but he talked me out of it." I smile. "He didn't say he met you, though. All he said was, 'Expect a surprise when you get to your room.' "

"I thought he was going to tell you," Sasuke admits. "He knew you were upset about forgetting to visit me."

"Oh, so you managed to talk without tearing each other's throats out?" I joke.

"Trust me, it was harder than you might think," he returns. More seriously he adds, "Kiba doesn't hate me, and I don't hate him. We just don't really care for each other."

I nod. "I sorta wish you guys could be friends, though."

He shrugs. "It's possible. Not probable, but possible."

"When will you be able to dance?" I ask.

"As long as we don't do it too fast, you can teach me the steps in a couple of days."

I grin. "Alright."

So the day Sasuke says it's okay to start practicing, we finish our homework first (Sasuke insists), then begin. It's slower going than usual, because Sasuke's part is very different from mine, but they're made to mesh together and complement each other. I have to show him my move, then his, then how they fit together. Besides that, I have to tweak a lot of the dance, since all I have right now is a sort of first draft.

Sasuke has little experience with choreographed dancing – okay, none at all – but he learns well, and has a knack for the dance. Even though it's his first time and I'm just showing him the positions, he has an intuitive sense of the way his body should move in and out of each pose. When I picked the song, I had to decide what the mood would be and how the dance would fit that, but Sasuke seems to have picked that up from hearing the song and seeing the moves.

Unable to speed up the dance yet, we just continue to drill the moves into our heads. It's not the ideal way to practice, but it's better than nothing. On Thursday I go with Sasuke so he can get the stitches out, and the doctor says he shouldn't do anything too strenuous until he's mostly healed. So we keep doing what we're doing, practicing once in a while – not too often – and I teach him the group dance as well. In a couple of weeks Sasuke says we can start bringing it up to speed. Soon enough he's caught up with the rest of the group, and so he joins our next group practice. He ends up helping Kiba and me teach the others. A lot of the time it's a team effort where we figure out the mechanics of a move or fix one person's mistakes, but Sasuke understands the mood of the dance, probably better even than Kiba or me, and he wordlessly gets put in charge of making sure we all stick to it.

The dancing is a great way to bring everyone together. It's been hard to coordinate activities with Sasuke as well as the rest of the gang, because it seems Sasuke doesn't like doing anything the others do, except maybe going to the Stoneheads, and that doesn't really work out as a group activity. But now, with dancing, I can spend time with everyone at once. I feel sort of selfish for making it a problem in the first place, but I'm thankful for this solution. It also gives me and Sasuke something to do on days we can't think of anything else. We don't practice every day, and group practices happen maybe once a week, but it's enough to get things done without making it a priority.

When Sasuke and I finally finish polishing our dance one weekend in early December, I call everyone to our room the next morning to watch. Sasuke seems slightly nervous about dancing in front of the others, but he has no reason to be – I know he knows the dance back to front. I've never really had stage fright, since I'm always making a show out of myself wherever I go, but Sasuke's not used to actively taking the limelight. As we get further into the dance, though, he loses all anxiety, becoming more involved in the feeling of dancing. I smile inwardly. Almost everyone forgets the audience once they start to dance. We exchange silent messages each time we make contact, each time we lock eyes – because our expressions are just as important as the way our bodies move. With each look I tell him, be confident, you know this; with each touch he replies, don't waver, I'm following your every move. Although it looks like we're equal in this dance, we both know I'm the one leading – Sasuke learned it in such a way that he relies on my movements to cue his.

At our ending pose, silence reigns for a moment before the others break into applause. Grinning, I sit on the floor, and Sasuke follows suit, leaning back to back with me.

"It's a cool dance," says Gaara. "Good job making it."

"You want to watch out for the fangirls with this one, though," Sai smiles. "It's a little… what do they call it… bishi? Especially since it's you two."

I feel my cheeks flush. "We'd better watch out where we perform it, then."

Kiba laughs, then says, "Hate to admit it, but you've got a knack for this, Sasuke."

Sasuke smirks. "High praise from the doubtful one. Speaking of performing, have you ever thought of busking?"

"Busking?" I repeat.

"Performing in the streets. We could go to the market. You can earn some money that way too, if you leave a jar out in front."

"I've seen people do that," says Neji. "Should we? We can split the earnings, and it would be good practice."

"We'll need more routines first," Kiba says. "We can't just walk in, do a couple of dances, and walk out."

And so another day is spent dancing. Although only Kiba and I have ever choreographed dance routines before, everyone pitches in, suggesting movements based on general knowledge, and soon we have another dance. This one is easier to learn, since everyone had a part in creating it. We all part ways after dinner to scramble through our schoolwork, and Sasuke and I finish ours quickly so we can go right back to practicing. Sasuke never complains about being tired or about the moves being too hard. I can sense passion behind every touch of his hand, although on the outside he seems as stoic as ever. I just smile to myself and let his mood carry us through.

Sasuke showers first. He doesn't bother to put his PJs on when he gets out, clad only in boxers. It's become a bit of a normal thing now – we usually used to take our clothes into the bathroom with us and change in there, but now it's like it doesn't matter anymore. He goes to sit on his bed, where he starts towel-drying his hair. When I get out of the shower, he's lying on his bed with his hands under his head, hair ruffled up and still slightly damp, eyes closed. His PJs are lying in a neatly folded pile next to his pillow. I go over and stand on all fours above him, and when his eyes open they look straight into mine.

"Dobe," he says softly. His hand reaches for my face, and I feel his thumb trace one of the scars on my cheek.

"How does your hair work, Sasuke?" I ask, voice just as soft. "With the sticking up in the back, and the bangs at the front, and everything?"

He shrugs. "It just does that."

"You don't gel it or anything. Haven't you ever heard of gravity? This isn't an anime, you know."

"Tell that to my body. It's not like my knowledge of that changes what my hair does." He gently draws me in closer, hand snaking around to the back of my head to press me into a kiss. "You taste like toothpaste."

I stick my tongue out at him. "Same to you, teme. You know I hate your toothpaste."

"I also know you like _my_ taste." He smirks.

"I'm not one to mix something I like with something I don't like," I retort. I push myself back so that I'm sitting on Sasuke's stomach and glance at the marks on his chest. They've healed completely by now, but the scars still speak of the pain I put him through. "See, like I said. Scars."

"I'm sure they'll go away eventually."

"What if they don't?" I ask.

He doesn't reply to that. "Have you heard from Kyuubi lately?"

"No. He's been completely silent." I press a hand against my stomach. "I wonder what he's thinking right now."

Sasuke's hand covers mine. My breath hitches for a moment when his finger brushes against the bare skin of my torso, but he makes no further move, and I relax again. We've been closer than this before, so why should I care? But somehow, it makes me nervous. Yes, I love Sasuke and I trust him, but… Well, the only time I've ever been this close to someone is at the Stoneheads, and only when I'm drunk, and only with random girls who don't go to our school. It never means anything. Being close to Sasuke means everything. And, well, he's a guy. As comfortable as I am with our gender, I can't say I ever imagined being intimate with another guy. And neither of us is wearing clothes beyond our boxers.

As though I hadn't realized that until now, the temperature of my cheeks suddenly rises a little. I cough and remove my hand from my stomach, taking Sasuke's hand to distract it.

He smirks at the look on my face. "If that's what I think it is, it's a pretty delayed reaction."

"Shut up." I get off so I can go back to my bed, but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back down on top of him. I land with my head on his chest and my legs dangling off the side of the bed. Before I can protest, he puts an arm across my stomach, effectively dispelling whatever strength was left in my muscles.

"Tomorrow's a school day, you know?" I say, although I swing my legs back onto the bed. "It's almost midnight. We need to sleep."

Sasuke smiles softly. He sits up briefly to pull the covers over us. "Well then, let's go to sleep."

"What? But**—"**

"Naruto?"

He traps my gaze in his, and in that single moment erases all my words.

"Goodnight, Naruto." He buries his face in my shoulder, closing his eyes. I can feel his smile against my skin.

"…Goodnight, Sasuke."

* * *

It takes two to tango… IN BED. rofl

I wanted to come up with something that worked with the chapter title other than actual dancing, and then while I was re-reading it one last time before submitting the chapter I realized that, in a way, there was something and I didn't even notice. It's not very prominent, but the title could be referring to the fact that Naruto feels alone… Or maybe I'm just fishing for answers. But I like to imagine it's there.

I've been re-acquainting myself with the canon story of Naruto, and it occurred to me that… well, Sasuke's a bastard. The Sasuke in my fanfiction is much too nice. Of course you have to remember that this story is in Naruto's POV and that he's obviously biased, but even so…

R+F


	26. Just Us

"Sakura-chan. Ne, Sakura-chaaaaan."

"_What_, Naruto? I'm trying to listen to Kakashi-sensei."

"You know some origami, right?"

She raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, why?"

I lower my voice dramatically. "Can you teach me how to make flowers?"

Another eyebrow joins the first. "Sure, what for?"

"Well, it's Christmas tomorrow… and, well, I want to give Sasuke flowers—"

"Aww, how sweet!"

"I wasn't finished! I want to give him flowers, but they're sorta expensive, and anyway, they'd die. And I think… it would mean more, if I made them."

To my relief, she doesn't go "aww" again. Instead she just smiles and says, "Yeah. It would. I'm going out for lunch with Ino, so how about today after classes?"

I nod. "Okay."

—

Sasuke catches me at my desk after Japanese class ends. "Ready to go home?" he asks.

"Ah, I'm gonna hang out with Sakura-chan for a bit. I'll see you later, alright?"

I barely catch the flash of his eyes before he gives a small smile. "Alright." He puts a hand on my shoulder and places a quick kiss on my cheek. His fingers trail down my arm as he walks away.

"Sasuke-kun seems a bit… attached," Sakura-chan says behind me.

I turn to look at her. "What's that supposed to mean? 'A bit attached'?"

"It wasn't really the word I was looking for. Well, never mind. We can get supplies from the art rooms."

I follow her to the art section of the school. There we find origami paper, as well as some green wires for stems. The teacher, whom Sakura-chan apparently knows, lets us hang around the art room for a bit.

Sakura-chan teaches me how to make roses, tulips, daffodils, and some other flowers. I make loops in the stems for leaves, then fix the stems to the flowers. It's a ragtag bouquet, but I like it that way. I fit it carefully in my bag, thank Sakura-chan and say goodbye, and return to my dorm.

The door is ajar when I reach it. I push it open, calling, "I'm back."

Sasuke's at his desk, writing. When I enter, he traps me against the door, puts a hand on my face, and leans in for a deep kiss. I'm startled at first, but his fingers trailing across my neck stifle my questions, and I feel my eyes flutter shut as I respond, hands flying to grip his back firmly. Sasuke's kiss is insistent, demanding; he presses me against the door almost aggressively, and all I can do is react to his actions. His hands drag down my back and across my arms, raising goosebumps wherever they pass.

When he finally pulls back, I think that's the end of it, but he just descends again and kisses my earlobe. I can't keep my eyes open.

"S…Sasuke?"

"Mm?" His voice is low and breathy, sending a wash of air across my skin.

"Is… hmm…" It's hard to form sentences with him nipping at the shell of my ear like that. "Is something… mmn… wrong?"

He suddenly pauses, perfectly still. I manage to crack my eyes open, but all I can see is his raven-black hair.

"Wrong? No." He trails kisses down to my neck, then proceeds to make a hickey there.

"S-Sasuke—"

He doesn't stop until he's assured of the evidence to his actions, sucking and biting harder than what might be considered necessary. But when he's done, he licks the spot apologetically and kisses it softly. Then he finally draws back so that I can see his face. The look in his eyes, the fire behind his stoic front, is so passionate that I can't help smiling.

"Where do you hide all of that?" I ask softly as he brushes his nose against mine.

"All of what?"

"All that… emotion. Where do you put it? You're so cold and distant on the outside."

"I don't know."

"Then how do you bring it out?"

"I don't." He smiles and kisses my forehead. "You do."

"…Me?"

He nods. "Mm. I… I've always been inexplicably affected by you. I thought I had control over the shield I hold up around myself… but I can never keep it there when I'm around you. I gave up a long time ago."

"Why would you bottle yourself up like that?"

"Because it means I don't look like an idiot everywhere I go, unlike a certain dobe."

"You don't look like an idiot around me," I say, sticking my tongue out. Tired of standing, I tug Sasuke over to my bed and we sit down, leaning against the wall. "Man, I can't believe we still have school. At least tomorrow's in preparation for the celebrations, but I hear that in America they get two weeks of winter vacation."

"That's because they actually celebrate Christmas."

"We celebrate Christmas!" I protest.

"No we don't. It's an excuse for companies to make money."

"Well I'm not gonna fill their wallets," I declare, going to my bag. I open it and carefully pull the origami bouquet into a position where I can take it out easily, then turn so that I'm facing Sasuke and hide the flowers behind my back. "I'm gonna give you something, but promise not to laugh, okay?"

"Why would I laugh?"

"Because it's girly," I mutter. He smiles at this. "Don't laugh!"

"I wasn't."

"You were going to."

"Do I get this thing or not?"

"Not if you keep being a bastard like that."

"Fine, fine. I promise I won't laugh."

I pull out the flowers. "Merry Christmas, Sasuke."

He stares, then breaks into a smile. "Did you make these?"

I nod, glancing away, unable to look him in the eye because of the flush in my cheeks. "It costs less and means more. And they won't die."

He takes the flowers from my hands and pulls me into a kiss. "Thank you, Naruto," he mumbles against my lips. "Merry Christmas."

"Mm. You're welcome, teme."

He keeps leaning forward until I fall back on the bed, still glued to his lips. His hands start roaming again – I dimly wonder where he put the bouquet – as his kisses also go back to wandering. I lie there silently, eyes closed, as he continues to nip and kiss, never going past my collarbone, although his hands are all over everything above my waistline.

"You know, Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"Sakura-chan said you seemed 'a bit attached.' I think I understand what she means now."

He stops, and I sense a dark emotion seep through him. His voice when he speaks is calm and controlled, more like the Sasuke that shows himself in public than the Sasuke that shows himself to me. "Your point?"

"Well, I dunno," I say, trying to keep the mood light. "You just seem a little different than usual. I mean, I know we've done this before and stuff, but it was always sort of… less random, y'know?"

He looks at me, and I look back at him. He kisses me softly on the cheek. "Do I need a reason to kiss you?"

I blush a little at this and mutter, "No, but that happens all the time anyway."

"Then this should be no different."

"Sasuke—"

He abruptly sits back. Without a word, he strides over to his own bed. I sit up to watch as he grabs a pair of boxers from his closet and heads to the bathroom.

I stare at the closed bathroom door until the sound of the shower starts. Then I slump back again. Absentmindedly I rub one of the marks he left on my neck. There's a fair bit of saliva, which is… actually sort of gross. I sigh and lace my fingers together under my head.

Did something happen to make Sasuke like this? It's not like I don't appreciate the affection, and it isn't really anything new, but I didn't think Sasuke was an impulsive type of person. That's me – I act on a whim and let my emotions lead me. Sasuke thinks with his head and has reasons for things. So what's his reason for this?

_Sasuke-kun seems a bit… attached._ That's what Sakura-chan said. Maybe the word she was looking for was "possessive." Maybe that's the word she meant to say, but didn't want to. But I figured that out myself already. I know he's possessive. I've seen it more and more lately – whenever we make contact, especially when there are others around, he makes a point of paying me extra attention. But what's he trying to prove? It's not like anyone else wants me. My friends are just that – friends – and I would never consider dating them.

When Sasuke comes out of the shower, he picks up the bouquet from the floor, sets it in the mug where he keeps his pencils, then comes back to me. He gets on all fours above me and just stares into my eyes, saying nothing.

"Are you jealous of my friends?" I ask.

Although his expression hardly changes, he suddenly becomes more alert. His eyes bore deeper into mine as though trying to figure out my motives.

"Because, you know, there's no need to be," I go on.

His eyes narrow ever so slightly. "Why would you think I was jealous?"

"Sometimes…" I lower my voice a little. "Sometimes I feel like you disapprove of my hanging out with them. It's not like they're trying to pull me away from you, you know. I've never really had to divide my time between people before, but I do still want to know them and all."

"Hn." He closes in, nipping gently at my jawline. I stare dimly at the ceiling.

"There's no need to get competitive. You have no competition. My relationship with you is like none I've ever had before, and I couldn't ask for anything else."

"I'm not getting competitive," he mutters against my pulse.

"Then what do you call the way you've been acting lately?"

"Would you believe me if I said I was addicted to you?"

I raise an eyebrow in amusement. "Addicted? That's a new one."

"Without even doing anything," he says, "without either of us knowing it, you fulfil so many things I've needed. Physical contact is a must for humans. I've needed someone special for so long, a single person I could be devoted to…"

"Why me?"

He stops and looks at me. Again, even softer, I say, "Why me? Couldn't it have been anyone else? Sakura-chan. She really loves you, you know. She still does. If not her, then some other girl. I'm just a lot of unnecessary complications. I'm a guy. I'm the Kyuubi holder. I'm loud and stupid and everything that's the opposite of you. Why me?"

"You know," he says slowly, "I think that if there were no fangirls, I would like girls more."

"Doesn't explain the rest. Anyway, what about Sakura-chan? You can't group her with the rest of the fangirls."

"I considered it, once, last year. I considered giving up on you and trying to see if I could be with Sakura instead."

"But?"

He shrugs. "I didn't think it would work out."

Tired of talking, he captures my lips in a kiss. I sigh against his mouth and give in. His touch was always more convincing than his words, anyway, which isn't easy considering he's always so confident in everything he does.

"Tomorrow's Christmas," I say. "I promise tomorrow will be for us only."

"There's the festival to prepare for all day," he says. "We'll be busy."

"Then from tomorrow until New Year's day. We've got no classes. All week, just us."

"Deal." He smiles and hooks his little finger with mine.

—

Our class volunteered to do the decorations for this year's Christmas festival, so we're running around all day putting up streamers and trees and bells and whatever else we can think of. Sasuke and I get separated a lot, but that's made up for when we manage to get assigned the mistletoe. We hang it in all sorts of unlikely places, places that aren't too out in the open, but which are easy to spot and casually meander to in order to steal a kiss. Of course, we don't have to casually meander – depending on whether there are others around, the kiss is anywhere between a quick peck and a full-on make-out session. More than once we're caught, and more than once whichever student it is that caught us tells us to get back to work – although a lot of the girls just squeal and run off when we realize we're being watched. Eventually I tell Sasuke we should stop, because I think my face might catch fire if we're caught again. He just smirks and heeds my words, although he still sneaks in a kiss on occasion when there's no one around.

The festival itself is fairly entertaining, with Christmas-themed games, treasure hunts, and carols playing in the background. Most people are wearing red, green, and white. Our decorations are everywhere, sparkling in that tinselly way all over the place, and there's even sprinkles of fake snow piling up in corners and lining window sills. Since it's indoors, everyone is warm, but the winter mood is still present. Sasuke and I spend the whole evening at the festival, eating snow-cones and sliding down the little tobogganing hill one class made.

For the next few days Sasuke and I practice dancing, go to the market, eat out, stay home. On Tuesday, Sasuke and I are sitting around after dinner when I realize something.

"You know," I say, "you never gave me a Christmas present."

He's silent for a moment, thinking, then stands up. "Pick out some clothes and grab your essentials, then pack whatever else you want in your backpack." He goes to his own closet and starts doing just that.

"What?"

"Just do it."

I raise an eyebrow, but he can't see me. So I go grab my stuff.

When I come out of the washroom with my toiletries in hand, it's to find Sasuke putting my clothes into a small luggage case next to his own. He takes my things wordlessly and adds them to the luggage.

"Are we going somewhere?" I ask.

"Hn."

"How long?"

"Four days."

I stare. "Seriously?"

He stands up, looks at me, and smiles. "Consider it your Christmas present."

"But… but you… I mean, can you pay for it all? How are we getting there? Where are we staying?"

"We'll take the train and find a hotel. Dobe, I could pay for a trip to America if I wanted to. As it is, Tokyo will do fine."

Excitement courses through me. "Tokyo?"

Sasuke nods.

I feel my face split into a wide grin. I tackle him onto the bed and hug him tightly. "You're awesome, teme, y'know that?"

He laughs. "Naturally." His nose nudges against my cheek, urging me to release him, and when I'm far enough back he presses a kiss to my lips. "Now go get your stuff, dobe. We're leaving as soon as we can."

* * *

Japan takes the New Year very seriously. I hear Tokyo's got some impressive festivities, so that's our target destination next chapter.

R+F


	27. Nothing More

An hour later, we're sitting in the corner of one of the train compartments, speeding towards Tokyo. Sasuke lets me have the window seat so I can look outside. I can't sit still; my eyes are glued to the scenery passing by – the town at first, then little isolated houses in the countryside, then farms, then untamed fields and plains. It's all so exciting I can't wait to get off the train, although being on it is nearly as great.

"One would think you'd never traveled before," Sasuke comments, amusement in his voice.

I freeze, my eyes automatically focusing on his reflection in the glass, then glance at him. His eyes widen.

"You haven't?"

I sigh and turn back to the window. "Do you think I have the money to go travelling?"

Sasuke's silent for a moment – I can see from his reflection that he's looking at me with something close to pity. Then he puts an arm around my shoulders and places a small kiss on my cheek.

"I'll just have to show you around, then, won't I?"

I smile, and I know he can see it in the window as well.

We check in at a nice hotel, nothing too fancy, but comfortable. I explore every corner of the room, which is almost bigger than ours back at school. It's got a TV, a bed, and a bathroom. Sasuke watches in amusement as I go through all the drawers in the end tables and all the toiletries they give us in the bathroom.

"This is amazing," I say. "They give you all this stuff? And you can just use it?"

"Yes, that's the principle of hospitality in a hotel. If there's anything you're not satisfied with, they'll fix it. They clean the room every day and replace the sheets and towels and so on."

"But that's… so much work!"

"It's their job, dobe."

I jump back-first onto the bed, arms spread wide. "This is amazing."

"You said that already," Sasuke laughs, sitting next to me.

"By the way, I never thanked you properly." I grab the front of his shirt and drag him into a kiss. He's caught by surprise, but makes up for it quickly. When we part, I smile at him. "Thanks, Sasuke."

He smiles back. "The pleasure's all mine."

Though I can't wait to get out and explore, we spend the night inside, unpacking our stuff, then talking, lying side by side on the bed. Sasuke tells me about all the things he's seen, and says we'll go to as many of those places as possible. At first he speaks normally, but then as he continues his words and descriptions become richer, more detailed, his writer's inspiration urging him to expand and elaborate. I can hardly get to sleep that night, I'm so excited; but Sasuke hushes me and calms me down and tells me it'll be no good to be tired the next day. Still, it's with images of Tokyo in my head created by the words of a writer that I finally fall asleep.

—

Tokyo is every bit as exciting as Sasuke's stories make it sound. He didn't seem overwhelmingly interested, but I can't wait to see it all. Tokyo Tower's our first stop.

"It looks a lot like the Eiffel Tower, doesn't it?" I say as we near it. "Which one was made first?"

"Tokyo Tower was inspired by the Eiffel Tower. It's a little taller, though. Not by much."

Sasuke skipped going to the top of the tower last time when he came here, since he's uneasy about heights. I convince him to come this time, though, so we go up in the clear glass elevator together. Sasuke's grip on my hand is tight, and I squeeze his hand back reassuringly.

"Hey, Sasuke," I say. He's keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the doors of the elevator, refusing to look outside. "Isn't there something poetic about the way everything shrinks like that? Say something poetic about it, go on."

I can tell that if he weren't so tense, he would have laughed. "Poetry doesn't come out of thin air, dobe."

"Please? I love the way you put words together. Just a phrase or two."

He sighs, then looks warily downward for a moment, thinking, before saying, "Tokyo Tower, a dazzling orange and white metal point piercing the clear blue expanse above. As we climb skyward, the people recede to tiny specks far below, the little squares that are cars crawling along the paved veins of the city."

"Wow," I say, grinning. "You're so good with words. I wish I could do that." I laugh, scratching the back of my head. "It takes me a lot of words to say anything detailed, but you can do it so easily."

"It comes with practice," he says simply. "Read a lot, write a lot. Give yourself time to develop your ideas and select the most relevant words. It can be hard to write a lot, but it's harder to write a little."

"Geez, the way you're giving me advice, you make it sound like I wanna be a writer. I'm not cut out for it. I'm a lot simpler than you, Sasuke."

"I don't think you are," he replies, pulling my hand closer.

—

I want to see everything at once, but Sasuke slows us down to eat lunch at a scenic restaurant, then walk downtown. He reasons that this is sightseeing too, that just because it's not a tourist-oriented place doesn't mean it's not interesting. Tokyo is so huge and so busy; I can only stare open-mouthed at the towering buildings and wide intersections. People are thronging in the streets, going in every direction. We follow the crowd for a while, going wherever the current takes us like fish in the sea. Eventually we're swept towards a subway entrance, and so we decide to go train hopping. We end up in Shibuya, the leading district in fashion and a highly youth-oriented area. Even though we're just there to look around, I end up buying a warm hoodie with a fiery fox going around the torso, and Sasuke gets a simple sweater that goes from light blue at the shoulders to dark blue at the hem and sleeves. We rest our feet and replenish our energy with a simple meal, then head back to the hotel.

"If we'd found a higher-end hotel," Sasuke says, "we'd have a kitchen and we'd be able to make our own meals. I'd have liked to save the money if I could, but I guess it can't be helped."

"Can you cook, Sasuke?" I ask.

"I've got to, in the summer. I live alone, so I have to take care of myself."

I picture Sasuke alone in some huge mansion plastered with the Uchiha crest everywhere. In a way, it's impressive, but in another it seems rather sad.

"You must be lonely," I say quietly. "I'm at Konoha High year round, but at least I can talk to the teachers and staff. Last summer I went to live with Kiba for a week too. But Konoha High is my home, y'know?"

"I got used to being alone," he says. "Now I enjoy it. It's quiet. It's peaceful."

"I dunno what you want from me, then," I say, amused, "because I'm not either of those."

"Maybe I needed a change of pace," he smiles.

"Ha! More like turning your life upside-down," I grin. He laughs and takes my hand.

—

A lot of things are closed the next day, since it's New Year's Eve and people are supposed to be spending time with their families. We stay in the hotel that morning, going downstairs for their complimentary breakfast, then just hanging out. We grab some rice balls for lunch from a convenience store on our way out, then we head over to Roppongi, one of Tokyo's districts, for few hours. There are several art museums, so we check those out for a bit. I'm not an art fanatic, but I can appreciate good art when I see it, and I like the concept of traditional Japanese culture. We spend the afternoon exploring the area, checking out the malls and restaurants, and stop at a large park with a nice pond. We sit in the tall grass at the edge of the water, watching the reflections of the sky as it slowly sinks into a deep red. Though the city blocks our view of the sunset, the colours are still a sight to see. Huddled close for warmth, we stay there until it gets dark. After that we kill time with dinner and some walking, then, an hour before midnight, we set out to join the New Year's festivities.

Even though the temple we go to is at the very edge of the city, it's already packed with people. Sasuke and I hold hands so as not to get separated, weaving through the crowds, until we can get a good view of the temple.

"See there?" he says, pulling me closer and pointing. "When the new year turns, they'll ring the bell 108 times." He turns to me, looking me right in the eyes, and smiles. "Ready to start a new year?"

"Only if I'm starting it with you," I smile back. "People focus a lot on forgetting the previous year. But you know, I don't really want to forget it."

"Dobe, they only forget the bad parts."

"That seems a bit like cheating, doesn't it, though? Anyway, it's hard to forget bad things. Can't we just—"

"The _point_," he interrupts, "is not to dwell on them. Look forward, and cast away the old year. Can you do that?"

"Don't patronize me, teme!"

"Then don't be such a baby, usuratonkachi. Are you gonna accept the new year the right way or not?"

"Yes, yes, okay. You know, Sasuke, I heard about a nice Western custom for the New Year."

"And what's that?"

"A surprise," I wink. "Besides that, are there gonna be fireworks? I love fireworks."

"Mm… I heard that there are some not too far from here, but if we went we wouldn't be able to see the temple. What do you want to do?"

I think about it. The temple is really neat, and I'd love to see what happens here, but I haven't seen fireworks since last summer and it would be great to watch them with Sasuke.

"The fireworks," I say finally.

So we turn back and leave the temple behind, heading towards the scene of the fireworks. We walk along the roads for a while, but then Sasuke tugs on my hand and leads me down a little path between the trees.

"Where are we going?" I ask, trying to keep up with Sasuke, who's picked up his pace as the ground starts to slope upward. "Sasuke!"

"Shh," he says, and I stop – he sounds excited, or as excited as Sasuke ever gets, anyway. "I know a good place to see them."

He says no more, so I stifle my questions, saving my breath for the climb instead. After several minutes of silent hiking, the ground finally levels out and we come to a stop in a little clearing.

"Come here," he says, waving me over. I catch up to him to see that we're standing on the near a little cliff, the trees ending at the edge. Here we have a clear view of the sky, unobstructed by any tall buildings. Below us is a stretch of grass, and far, far away we can see a paved space filled with people.

"Whoa!" I stare. "That's… Sasuke, how did you know about this place? I thought you didn't like heights."

He shakes his head. "I came here with my family when I was five. I stayed away from the edge, but they set up the fireworks over in that parking lot every year, according to my parents. I heard someone say something about it while we were at the temple, which reminded me of this. Most people watch from down there, but this is a bit of a secret place, I guess."

"It's amazing," I grin. He smiles back.

Sasuke sits down with his back to a tree, and I sit in front of him, leaning back against him. I put my head under his chin, and he puts his arms around my waist, and I pull his hands with mine into my pockets.

"The only thing missing now is snow." I look to the sky, clear and cloudless, the moon our sole spectator. "I guess we won't get any until next year. Well, not every year is a perfect picture, I guess. When do the fireworks start?"

"Right at midnight," he answers.

I frown. "How are we gonna know when that is?"

"When the fireworks go off, dobe."

"No, but I mean, I want to know before it happens. They play a countdown on TV so you can see it coming. It would be disappointing for us not to know it was the new year until it was too late."

"The TV countdown isn't necessarily exact. Different channels have different times too, you know? Maybe there is no exact time."

"That's annoying," I say.

"It's all a fabrication anyway."

"Stop ruining the moment, teme."

He laughs. "Sorry."

"Are you sure there's no signal?" I insist.

"If you listen closely you might hear the whistling of the firework going up. Then again, the sound is pretty delayed from this far, so maybe you'll have to look for it instead. Some fireworks give off light as they go up, some don't. They might want to surprise us."

I frown. "That's gonna be hard." I untangle myself from Sasuke and get up to go stand at the edge, peering into the darkness.

"Naruto, come back here," Sasuke calls.

"I'm looking for the firework! Come here, Sasuke, look for it with me."

"You're standing too close to the edge, dobe—"

I spin around. He's scrambled to his feet, the same expression that was in his voice showing on his face: worry at my apparent recklessness, fighting with his fear of the edge.

"Oh – oh, Sasuke—" I go back over to him, taking his hands. "I'm sorry," I murmur. "Please? Come on, it's safe. I want to see the new year come."

Reluctantly he lets me lead him closer. I make sure to stay a good few steps away from the edge, making sure Sasuke is standing between me and a tree. I keep a hold of his hand, reassuring him. He leans on the tree for comfort as well.

"God, I feel stupid," he mutters, turning away; but I can still see the slight flush on his cheeks, and it's not from the cold. "I thought I was braver than this."

I grip his hands tighter. "We'll keep clear of the edge. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"I know," he says, sounding pained. "It all makes sense in my brain, but when it comes to the real thing I can't stop the way I feel."

I nod. "I understand. Don't worry about it, Sasuke."

He manages to smile. "If you're not careful, you're going to miss when the fire—"

Just then a brilliant flash erupts in the sky. We both stare as a weeping willow of fire lights up the night. Startled, I quickly turn back to Sasuke, grab his head between my hands, and pull him into a deep kiss.

I can feel his heart thudding in his chest just as the sound of the firework reaches us, resounding in our rib cages. He's frozen for a moment, then he relaxes into me, hands finding their place at my back and in my hair. As he presses deeper into the kiss, I feel my heart fill to the brim. Right at this moment, there's nothing more I could want.

* * *

Roppongi and Shibuya are both real districts in Tokyo. Tokyo Tower is pretty famous. If you ever go to Tokyo, be sure to stop by there.

I got to see fireworks while I was in Japan. Man, have Canadians been missing out! On Canada Day on Parliament Hill, we get about 20 minutes of fireworks. It's great, but there are tons of festivals throughout the summer in Japan, and most of them have fireworks that last about an hour for no reason other than that summer is awesome. And they're spectacular! Canada Day will never be the same…

R+F


	28. Lost in Tokyo

"By the way," Sasuke asks as we return to the hotel after the fireworks, "when are you going to reveal that Western New Year's custom?"

"I already did," I say simply, smiling.

"Oh?"

"When the countdown reaches zero, you kiss."

He raises his eyebrows in amusement. "We don't need an excuse to kiss."

"Yeah, but it was a good moment, right?"

He smiles, and I know he's replaying it in his head like I am. "It was perfect."

"I'm glad," I say. Then I continue, "I heard about another custom."

"And what's that?"

"They say the first person to walk into the household will have an impact on the kind of year you'll have. The ideal person is a man who pretty much fits the description of 'tall, dark, and handsome.' Think you can do it?" I add, winking.

He laughs. "It shouldn't be too hard, as long as you don't tell anyone else. I don't want to get dragged into a hundred people's dorms."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't let a tall, dark, and handsome guy out of my dorm after he walked into it," I joke.

"If it's not me, I'll have to kick him out," he shoots right back.

"That won't be a problem, 'cause I'm picky about my guys."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. They have to be named Uchiha Sasuke, and they have to be holding my hand right _now_." At the word _now_, I grab his hand. He smiles and kisses me on the cheek.

"Sometimes, you're such an idiot," he says. "But every now and then you get a spontaneous burst of cleverness. I dunno what brings it out of you."

"You do," I reply immediately. And I'm not just being clever this time – there's something about Sasuke that just clicks. Maybe his eloquent way of putting things is rubbing off on me a little. That would be nice.

I'm so tired by the time we get back that I collapse on the bed immediately; Sasuke tells me off for lying on the bed in my day's clothes, and when I'm too exhausted to move, he rolls me off the bed and onto the floor. So I wearily strip to my boxers, too lazy to put anything on. I feel my consciousness slipping as soon as I hit the sheets again. As reality and dreams begin to merge, something soft presses against my lips, and indistinct sounds soothe my ears. Warmth blooms in my heart like a firework, the end of each individual spark erupting again in a cloud of light.

—

That afternoon (after sleeping away most of the morning) we return to the temple, where New Year's events are still going on. All the companies are closed officially today, so we spend time at the temple and the surrounding area, where it's much greener and calmer than the city anyway. We leave offerings and pray to the gods. Though I think long and hard, there isn't anything I really want that's not superficial. I'm happy with Sasuke, and I couldn't ask for more. So I pray to the gods to let this continue forever, to never let our love fade. We'll have our share of disagreements, yes, and we'll get mad, and we'll be upset. But I hope that we'll be strong enough to see ourselves through these things. I'm not really religious, when it comes down to it. Sitting back and waiting for a higher power to push your lot in life is no way to get anything done: if you want something, get it yourself. If the gods exist, I'd be glad for a little help, but that doesn't mean I won't do everything in my power to stay with Sasuke.

When we get tired of walking, we begin to make our way back to the hotel for the night. I try to convince Sasuke to return with me to the place we watched the fireworks last night, but he adamantly refuses.

"I swear," he says, "when you grabbed me I thought I was going to die."

I just laugh at this. "You wouldn't _die_," I tell him. "Anyway, I'd definitely catch you if you fell. And, considering you're as light as a feather, it wouldn't be hard to pull you back up. By the way, Sasuke, how much privacy does that place give us?"

I sense Sasuke's surprise a split second before he misplaces his foot on the curb. He lurches forward, his hand wrenched out of mine by his momentum, and lands face-first on the ground.

"Sasuke! Are you okay?"

Groaning, he pushes himself up. "Yeah."

Relieved, I help him get up and he dusts himself off. He's got a minor scrape on his leg, but it's nothing big.

"That probably needs cleaning," he says in mild dissatisfaction, inspecting the wound. "Let's see if anywhere around here has a first aid kit."

The nearest building, as it turns out, is the hospital. They give Sasuke an alcohol swab and, since we're here, they make sure the cut is okay before patching it with a band-aid and letting us go.

"They say you have to be careful about what happens on New Year's day," Sasuke says, sounding amused, as we leave. "Rumour goes the first day of the year reflects how the rest of your life will go."

"Then it looks like you're gonna be facing a lot of injuries this year, huh? Way to 'be careful,' idiot."

"That was your fault," he says simply.

"What?"

"You went and said something stupid like always, and it caught me off guard."

"Said – what the hell did I say?" I quickly scan my memory. "I just asked you how secluded the spot was. How's that supposed to—"

"Your exact words were, 'how much privacy does that place give us'."

"So?"

"Really, usuratonkachi, are you that clueless?"

"I'm not clueless, teme!" I retort automatically. "Sor-_ry_ if I happen to want to believe that you're not a pervert."

He laughs. "Hn. That's naïve, dobe."

"Hmph." I stare out at the landscape below, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Why'd you ask a thing like that, anyway?" he continues.

"I was just curious. It's not like we lack for privacy at home or at the hotel, so the question really should be, why do you care?"

"It's just the way you put it," he shrugs.

"Hmph," I say again. He smiles and kisses me on the cheek. It's hard to stay annoyed when he's got an argument like that.

—

"You seem to have bad luck with hospitals," I comment as we get into the elevator up to our hotel room floor. "I mean, what with—"

He presses a finger to my lips; I stop, surprised. He smiles at me.

"Remember, we're supposed to be forgetting the problems of the previous year," he says. "Also, both instances were your fault. What if you're the one who's bad luck?" He laughs at the glare I shoot him. "Don't worry about it. Like I said, forgetting our troubles."

His smile turns mischievous, and I only figure out what he's thinking of a split second before his lips pull at my ear.

"Someone's impatient," I mutter, although I make no move to interrupt his actions. He just continues to nip at my earlobe playfully until the elevator comes to a stop on our floor. When the doors open, a woman enters, and Sasuke grabs my hand and pulls me out towards our room. I catch a glimpse of the woman's surprised face before I'm whisked around the corner.

Sasuke lets us in quickly, then tugs me into a close embrace. I just smile to myself and lean into the kiss as he drags us blindly across the room, until my foot hits the bed and Sasuke falls backwards onto it, his arms wrapped around me and therefore bringing me with him.

Amused, I mumble against his mouth, "You're so eager, one might think you're going all the way."

He pulls back and looks into my eyes, soundlessly saying a thousand words. I blink, staring back for what seems like a very long moment, then the meaning of his silence registers. I practically flinch when I realize it, my face burning. I scramble to the other side of the bed, sitting at the edge with my back to Sasuke.

"It was a joke," I say quickly, unable to look at him. "I didn't think you'd… take it seriously…"

He's so still that I can barely sense his presence. What I can sense, though, is storming with emotions I can't understand – or maybe I don't want to.

When he fails to reply, I continue, "I mean, when someone makes a joke, you answer, right? You have to say something, or else you make the other person uncomfortable. It's awkward, y'know? You're not supposed to just – to just stop and – look at me like that! You – if you do that, I don't – I don't know what to do—"

I'm rambling, I know, but I can't help directing my anger at him. It's his fault, isn't it? That I'm all flustered like this. It's his fault for not reacting properly, for failing to continue the humour, for making me believe he thought I was serious.

"You're not supposed to take it seriously! I didn't mean it!" I say, not knowing what's been spilling out of my mouth, my mind having been racing even as I talked. I probably said something stupid, made some stingy remark or insulted him or told him that secretly I was serious too. I'm not. It was definitely a joke.

When I run out of words, I fall silent, mid-sentence, trailing off. I lean forward and shove my fingers in my hair, gripping hard, hoping that'll distract me from more thoughts. It works, at least long enough for Sasuke to come up with something to say.

"I'm sorry."

That's all. That's all he could think of in that silence? "That's it?"

"If you really want to know, there are about fifty things I thought of saying," he goes on, as though he read my mind, "but none of them are adequate."

"Why? Because they're things like 'but I was serious', or 'you're making an idiot out of yourself as usual, dobe'?"

"Yes."

"Which?"

He doesn't answer.

"I'm not ready, Sasuke!" I burst out, whipping around to face him. I don't realize that my expression is panicked, confused, until Sasuke's surprised reaction calls me to attention. Suddenly all my energy peters out, and I flop face-first on the bed, the air in my lungs expelled in one great breath.

Dimly, as I once again realize the full meaning of my words, I think that maybe this is what Sasuke meant when he told me once he can never really stop thinking. Whenever I hit a bump in our relationship, my thoughts go haywire, trying to consider everything at once, asking a million questions and creating a million possible answers at the same time. I need to think before I open my mouth – this is what I've just learned. I say stupid things, I say things that end up getting taken differently than what I meant to imply. "I'm not ready" clearly implies some sort of previous consideration, and almost as clearly says "I'll be ready later." But I won't be. I don't know. I don't know what to do; I don't know what to think or how to feel or what I should say to him. I want to run, I want to go away from him, so that I don't have to deal with this. I thought I was brave: I thought I could face all my challenges, but Sasuke's the one challenge I can't overcome, because – because I'm afraid of losing him. I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing, but I'm also afraid of him doing the wrong thing and making me not want him anymore, so I want to run away. In that, my affection for him is my undoing: it's so easy for us, when we live in the same room and have the same classes and do everything together, to end up stuck together when we don't want to be. That's why I went and caught hypothermia; that's why, right now, without even thinking about it, I stand, stride out of the room, and leave the hotel.

I take the stairs – I can't fathom standing and waiting in the elevator. I strike out, heading in the direction of the subway station, walking briskly for the sake of movement. Though my wallet is back in the hotel room, I left my day pass in my pocket, so I use it to board the subway, standing in the doorway, clutching a handle hanging from the ceiling, fingers tapping incessantly against my leg, and let it take me away.

I jerk out of a sort of stupor when the announcement system calls out the next station, Shibuya. Memory triggered, I impulsively get off when the subway stops. For the next few hours – who knows how long – I wander the district, weaving through shops, barely feeling the pull of the merchandise I pass, even when I spot a shirt covered in tribal patterns. My feet start to hurt, but I ignore them. It's not until I see a long line of carvings of ravens (no – probably crows – but they look similar enough) in different poses that I decide I don't want to be here anymore.

Mind still blank, I return to the subway and ride onward. Once again I'm pulled out of mental oblivion by the name of a station I recognize, this time the one closest to our hotel. I'd taken the subway right back without even realizing it. I hesitate, then slip out the doors just as they're closing. The predicament has been shoved out of the front of my mind, and I refuse to let it resurface. Head full of images of Shibuya, I take myself back to our room.

The door is locked, and I don't have a key. I rattle the doorknob, then hear Sasuke's hurried footsteps before he jerks the door open.

"Naruto!" he exclaims, evidently relieved to see me. Before I can stop him, he throws his arms around me and pulls me over the threshold, holding me tightly. "Shit. Please never, _ever_ do that again. You've never been in Tokyo! You could have gotten hopelessly lost, and I don't have a cellphone and I don't know your number and you don't know the hotel's number and oh, Naruto, do you have any fucking idea how worried you made me?"

He's so emphatic that I can't help but be a little stirred, not by his words so much as by his tone of voice. As it is, I feel as though I've been desensitized to everything. "Sorry," I mutter automatically, a learned response. The only thing that pulls at my heart is the urge to get away from Sasuke's touch. I wriggle a bit, but if he notices, he doesn't let me go.

"Don't do it again, okay?" he says, quieter. "It's a really bad habit, running out when you're uncomfortable. I… can't promise we won't run into problems again. You might throw yourself into worse than hypothermia. Don't do it again."

"I don't know what else to do," I mutter against his neck. "I can't face problems like this. I talk too much and say stupid things and I can't predict what you're going to do. I don't know how to handle something if I can't go to you for comfort."

"If we're at school, go to someone else. Kiba, or Sakura. They'll help you."

I shake my head. "I couldn't talk to either of them about something like this. I can't talk to anyone about it, even you – that's the issue, after all, isn't it?"

He finally pulls back, but leaves his hands on my shoulders in a firm grip. He forces me, through sheer willpower, to meet his eyes. "Look, Naruto. It might not seem strange to you, but we talk about a lot of things, and that's not normal. People don't talk about things. They just get angry, and that's why they fall apart. You don't have trouble talking to me, right? And when you do, you don't get angry. That's already a huge advantage, do you understand that?"

I nod.

He looks satisfied at this. "Can we sit?"

We sit on the edge of the bed, side by side. The lack of directness makes me feel more comfortable. Sasuke says, "Tell me. Why is it that you don't get angry with me when I do something that makes you uncomfortable?"

"I'm afraid."

He seems surprised by my immediate answer, but he continues. "What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid that if I get angry with you, you'll be angry back. I don't want either of us to be angry with the other."

"I won't get angry with you," he says firmly. "Whatever happens, I won't be angry."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"I don't know that I won't get angry with you either," I argue. Why is it that Sasuke knows best how to stir my heart? "I can't guarantee an emotion."

He considers. "Maybe. But I'll try. I'll try as hard as I can, I promise."

I sigh. "I don't know if I can believe you."

"You don't have to." He covers my hand with his, holding it gently.

"As long as I'm unsure, I won't have the courage to tell you the things I'm afraid to say."

Once again he thinks for a moment before speaking. "When you write something down, do you feel like you have more freedom to express yourself?"

I don't know what he's getting at, but I answer, "Yeah. You can't see someone's facial expression in text. You can't hear their tone of voice."

He nods. "Then write me the things you can't say."

I can't help turning to him. He's been watching me all this time, and I didn't even notice, although now that I have I realize I've gotten so used to it that it didn't even seem unnatural.

"If you can't voice it, tell me it in letters. Tell me anything you want. You can trust me." It doesn't sound like reassurance so much as a fact. I can trust Sasuke. I know that. I can tell him anything, anything I want.

"Anything," he says again.


	29. Selfish

"_Hey, kit."_

I feel the rumbling voice more than I hear it, echoing in my bones and shaking my heart.

"What is it this time?" I ask.

"_Oh, no, I didn't have anything worth saying," _he says, a grin spreading across his face, sharp teeth emerging. _"I just wanted to make sure I could still contact you when I wanted to."_

"And if I don't want to talk to you?"

"_Tough luck."_

"That's my line." I walk away.

—

When I wake, my mind is free of Kyuubi's presence. It's dark, and so quiet that I know it can't be anywhere near morning yet. I sit up, then hold still, reaching out, sensing for other existences. I find Sasuke's next to me, still asleep for now, but rising to consciousness rapidly. I try to discard it and continue my search, but as he stirs out of sleep, the activity of his being disrupts the silence.

"Stay still for a minute," I say, just as he opens his eyes.

I wait for him to stop moving, then commit his presence to the background and search for another, darker one. Wherever I look, though, I find nothing. There could be people in the next room, but I can't tell. It's not magic. I know Sasuke's presence, and I know Kyuubi's.

"What are you doing?" he asks quietly when he notices I've relaxed again.

I slump back onto the pillows. "Kyuubi called me again. I barely said anything to him, but I was trying to sense him just now and I couldn't at all."

"Maybe you have to be asleep," Sasuke offers.

I nod. "If I go back to bed, he might try again."

"You have control over whether or not you want to talk to him."

"Yeah."

Sasuke finds my hand under the covers and takes it. "Go back to sleep. It's not even light out yet."

—

This time, I speak before Kyuubi can.

"Why are you going out of your way to contact me?"

"_Really and truly and honestly?"_

"Can I trust you to give me that sort of answer?" I shoot.

He laughs. _"No."_

"Then lie, and I'll figure it out."

"_I know what you think I'm doing,"_ he rumbles. _"Don't forget I also experience your every waking moment. You're smart, turning to the Uchiha to help you. He knows better."_

"You're right," I say, refusing to let him goad me into showing emotions. "Sasuke is smarter than me. He's more sensible and he knows what to do in all sorts of situations. I wouldn't trust myself to be able to get myself out of this."

Kyuubi's eyebrows go up. _"Oh, is that so?"_

"I thought you knew that already, seeing as how you're stalking my every move."

"_Not like I have a choice, brat. But that's not what I was commenting on."_ He lowers his face to my level, leering at me through slitted eyes. _"When you speak to me directly – like now – I understand you much better than when I'm observing. As an audience member all I can do is glean impressions of what's going on and how you feel. Emotions – ha! What a weakness."_

Silently I turn my back to him and sever the communication, sinking back into dark, dreamless slumber.

—

"I won't talk to him anymore."

Sasuke looks up from his rice. "Oh?"

I tell him what Kyuubi explained to me.

"I'm suspicious, though," I add. "Why would he tell me that? Does he really think I'm that stupid, or did he just slip up, or does he have something planned?"

"He could be lying," Sasuke suggests. "But then he's at a disadvantage, because he can't convince you to say anything directly, and he can't manipulate you when you're awake. Now he can't use you at all."

"Somehow I get the feeling he's going to be contacting me more from now on." I down my milk in one go and set the glass back on the table. "I don't know why. But I think I haven't seen the last of him yet."

"Well, no point dwelling on it while you're awake, right?" He stands up. "Come on, help me clean up. We still have to pack."

—

"_So you're gonna be mute, eh?"_ Kyuubi says.

I don't reply.

"_Figures. You're sleeping an awful lot for someone who doesn't want to talk to his nightmare."_

So is Kyuubi just a figment of my imagination? Or is he just being figurative? It's true that I had Kyuubi in mind when I settled down in my seat on the train to rest on the way back. I could just turn away again, you know. I want to tell Kyuubi this, but I remain steadfastly silent. I'm staying because Kyuubi might end up telling me something else useful.

"_You want to know why I told you how much clearer my understanding of your actions is when you're talking to me down here." _He doesn't bother to wait for a response. _"Well… I thought you might appreciate knowing."_

On the outside I don't react, but inwardly I snort at this. Since when have Kyuubi's intentions been anything other than selfish?

"_Yeah, you don't believe me. 'Go back to your den, Kyuubi.' By the way, how's the dog kid doing? Haven't seen him in a while. Then again, you've been away."_

Kyuubi isn't being coherent. He knows I won't speak, he's asking questions, he's talking to himself. I wish Sasuke were here to help me understand this. As it is, all I can do is bring my memories to him when I'm awake.

"_I can't hear your thoughts when you're asleep, y'know. If you're trying to tell me silently, it ain't working. By all rights you shouldn't be thinking when you're unconscious. What's wrong with you, boy? Besides the facts that you're hosting a demon and that you're gay, of course."_

I thank whatever power it is that separates me from my emotions right now, because I know that had I complete access to them, I would have forgotten my vow of silence and shouted very loudly at Kyuubi that there's nothing wrong with being gay.

"_I know what you want to say, 'It's not about gender, it's about personality, blah, blah._'_ Humans!" _he snorts. _"Think they're above instinct and evolution because they can think for themselves. I know you're all squirmy about it, but reproduction involves a male and a female, no? Obviously there's something wrong with you."_

And what makes you think I care about reproduction? I shout in my mind.

"_If your life goal isn't to reproduce, you've failed as a living being. You survive, and you make your race progress. Even I know that, and I'm a demon. Demons don't reproduce, did you know?"_

Spare me the details, I mutter inwardly.

"_Geez, since I got that taste of freedom I've felt so much more claustrophobic in here. Demons aren't meant to sit around in enclosed spaces. You know…"_

I vaguely wonder why I'm still here. Kyuubi's deep voice goes on and on, merging into the background. I don't know what he's saying anymore. I don't really care. Eventually it fades into silence and darkness.

—

"So," I conclude my explanation as we make our way out of the train station, "apparently if I stop paying attention I can leave Kyuubi too. I don't have to physically get up and go away – well, as much as you can call it physical."

Sasuke doesn't respond. He's leading us towards the subway station that will take us back to Konoha High. He knows what he's doing, though – it's not like he's too preoccupied to answer me.

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"What do you think about Kyuubi?"

He stops so suddenly I walk into him.

"…Are you okay, Sasuke?"

"Hn."

It's supposed to mean "yes." I can tell he's lying.

—

School starts again on Monday. There's a gloomy air about the whole place, after having a burst of freedom then being sucked back in again. I laugh at myself for putting it like that: it's exactly how Kyuubi feels.

Kyuubi calls to me every night. At first it's just once, and I leave as soon as I know I'm there; but then one night he manages to bring me back again, and in a few weeks I have to fend off his lure three times in a night. After a while I can evade him almost completely, with only a tiny brush of his dark presence disturbing me before I return to my dreams or lack thereof.

I keep Sasuke updated on this, even though there's usually nothing to say other than "same as last night." I never stay long enough to hear anything from Kyuubi. Whenever I talk about Kyuubi to Sasuke, he gets a faraway look in his eyes, his expression darkening ever so slightly. He doesn't voice any sort of concern, but neither does he reassure me.

As January passes, I start to feel a sense of loneliness, a feeling that I haven't felt since before I started going out with Sasuke. It feels different even from the time Sasuke was in the hospital. During that time I waited days for Sasuke to come back, able only to see him a few hours a day. Now I still see him all the time, but it's as if an invisible distance has begun to grow between us. He doesn't show the same passion as he used to. I'm always the one who has to take his hand; I'm always the one who has to initiate the kiss. He does what he has to in order to maintain control, but the fire within him has retreated, shrunk from a huge blaze at the front of his being into a little candle in the background. I hardly see his smile anymore. Where did it go? I loved that smile. It lit him up. He said I was the one who brought out all his emotions, so what am I doing wrong?

One morning after breakfast, I slump down on my bed, not really wanting to go to class. Sasuke's at his computer, keyboard clicking away quietly.

"I wish Kyuubi would stop trying to talk to me," I sigh. "I never see him, but the feeling of his presence keeps nudging at me when I'm sleeping. I'm pretty sure it's affecting my waking life. Sasuke, what should I do?"

The only response is the unbroken tapping of the keyboard.

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?" He doesn't even turn around.

"Did you hear me?"

"Hn."

"And?"

He shrugs.

"What's up with you?" I frown.

He shuts down his PC and stands up. "Classes start soon." He shoulders his bag and heads for the door. He doesn't even wait for me to follow him – he just leaves.

I stand there, staring at the open door in a sort of blank stupor. Did Sasuke just… _ignore_ me? Snapping back to reality, I quickly grab my stuff, lock up the dorm, and hurry to catch up to Sasuke. I reach him at the door to the stairwell, ignoring our dorm neighbour who just went through, and I grab Sasuke's shoulder, spinning him around to face me.

"Sasuke, what the hell is up with you?" I ask, unable to stop the anger in my voice. "You used to ask me whether Kyuubi was still trying to talk to me, and now you don't even respond when I tell you. I know it's boring and nothing's changing, but if you don't want to hear about it then you can just say so."

His eyes narrow ever so slightly as his brow creases, but he doesn't say anything.

"Well? Should I stop?"

"Do what you like," he says, voice barely above a whisper.

"Sasuke!" I grip his shoulders tightly and shake him. "What's wrong? Tell me! Did I do something? Did something happen? Why won't you—" I stop, not knowing what I was going to say anyway. I blink the stinging out of the corners of my eyes.

He locks my gaze with his, the way he always does, and my the tightness in my chest relaxes just a little at the familiar gesture. As my hands fall from his shoulders, he takes them and touches his thumbs to the middle of my palms, rubbing gently. The tightness dissipates so suddenly that my next breath comes in raggedly, and I sway on my feet, falling sideways into the wall. My heart is pounding and I don't even know why.

Sasuke leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek. "I'm sorry," he murmurs into my ear. "Let's go to class."

As I follow Sasuke to our first class, my hand in his, I can't help feeling like I've forgotten how big this problem is supposed to be.

—

I only notice a slight disturbance at the beginning of the first class, but by lunch, I can't ignore the whispers flying around us, the increased number of eyes on us. Sasuke appears not to notice, although I can sense he's as aware of it as I am. The girls who usually say hi to us at lunch (because we got annoyed with them doing anything more than that, and really, even that much is irritating, the way they squeak…) stay back today, murmuring to each other. Fed up, I approach them.

"What's going on?" I ask. "Is there some new rumour going around or something?"

One girl's eyes widen. "Oh… well, um…"

"Spit it out," I say slightly impatiently, not in the mood to beat around the bush.

"Takeo-kun said he saw you and Sasuke shouting in the dorm hallway," she says in a rush.

I blink, then remember our dorm neighbour in the stairwell, looking back at me as I grabbed Sasuke's shoulder.

"He said you looked pretty angry," says the girl more quietly.

I mutter a curse under my breath. "Hate this school and its stupid rumours."

"So he's lying?" another girl asks.

"Never you mind." I turn away from them.

I catch up to Sasuke, who's bought our lunches and found a table to sit at. "I never knew Takeo was one to spread gossip," I say darkly, then explain what the girls told me.

Sasuke frowns at this news. "He's got nothing against us, has he?"

I shake my head. "Nothing. But now—" I stop to listen to the whispers around us, then resume "—now people are going on about how they think they've noticed we haven't been as close lately. They think something happened over the break."

His brow creases further. He looks like he's divided about something. I watch his face as he thinks, then comes to a conclusion. I expect him to tell me it, but he remains silent.

"Hey, Naruto," calls a voice.

I turn. Kiba, waving, comes and joins us at the next table.

"What's with the rumours?" he asks. "You guys aren't… fighting, are you?"

I look at Kiba in surprise. "I didn't expect you of all people to ask."

"Hey, am I not allowed to care about my friends?"

I smile. "Thanks, Kiba. No, we're fine. Takeo just assumed too much is all."

"Were… were you guys fighting, though?"

The memory of this morning flashes in my mind again. "A little. It's nothing much. Everyone's gotta argue sometimes, right?"

Kiba nods, looking as though he's unsure of whether to be relieved or concerned. "Don't go breaking up or anything, though, 'kay guys? Especially you, Sasuke, I don't need to remind you who's gonna be beating you up if you hurt Naruto." He says it lightly, with a joking grin, and he laughs afterwards, but I can tell he's dead serious.

Sasuke just smiles. "Don't worry about that. I would sooner hurt myself than hurt Naruto."

His tone of voice is such that I can't help but smile. There's the Sasuke I know. There's the Sasuke who cares about me, the Sasuke I want next to me. Maybe he's… well, I don't know, but maybe he needed a break of sorts. Maybe he'll be back to his old self sooner than I know. Maybe this is just a brief interval and soon it'll be just like before and it'll be as if nothing had ever happened.

Having finished eating, Sasuke stands. "Are you done, Naruto?"

"Huh? Yeah." I clean up my stuff and stand too. Sasuke takes my hand, sending little shoots of happiness into my heart. "Well, I guess we'll see you later," I say to Kiba.

"Yeah. Have fun," he tells us, as though we're going on an outing or something. "Oh, wait, Naruto. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Puzzled, I glance at Sasuke. He makes a gesture somewhere between a shrug and a nod. "I'll be outside," he says, and leaves.

When I turn back to Kiba, I'm surprised to see he looks uncertain, as though the confidence he'd had when he decided to talk to me has disappeared. He studies the pattern on the table for a moment, sorting out his thoughts in the speckled surface. I sit down across from him.

"Kiba?"

He looks up into my eyes suddenly. "Look. I—" He falters, then tries again. "I've never been good at this talking thing. It's – never been a problem with us. There was never anything we had to talk about, right? Nothing we couldn't express in gestures or emotions. Emotions?" He gives a short laugh. "Never understood them."

I look closer at him, trying to figure out the point he's coming to.

"You understand emotions, right?" he asks.

I consider. "Better than I used to."

"Understatement," he grunts. "I… haven't seen much of you, since you and Sasuke got together. You've always understood people's feelings better than me, but I think you understand your own a lot more now. And as an extension of that, your overall understanding of emotions has improved. You get me?"

"Yeah."

"So… explain this to me," he says, and there's an edge to his voice, a request bordering on a plea. "Why is it that even though I don't see you anymore, I'm still happy for you?"

I stare. His eyes are fixed on mine, trying to find the answer there. I've always been easy to read. But not everything I know can be found by looking at me.

I think about it for a long time. The question repeats itself over and over in my head, as though I'm trying to understand it; each individual word dissects itself, but it's not that I don't know what he's asking. I can't seem to think beyond the realization that Kiba's always been there for me, even if I didn't see him. Even if I forgot about him. He was there.

I've forgotten about Kiba. I've ignored him, taken his friendship for granted. Sasuke fulfilled all my needs – a friend, a partner – and my old friends were cast aside. I've never had many friends: never really could, and I learned to get by with who I did have. Sasuke taught me I could get by with one.

But this isn't about me anymore. These past months, all I've thought about is me. My happiness, my time with Sasuke. What about Kiba? What about the gang? It never feels right when one of us is missing – we figured that out long ago. Kiba's question isn't about him. It's about me – it's always about me.

As though Kiba was following a similar train of thought to mine, he shakes his head. "No, that's not it. It's—"

"It's, why is it that even though I never hang out with you guys anymore, you're not mad at me?" I finish for him.

He looks at me like I'm a doctor, telling him things he never knew about himself.

"You're not mad at me," I repeat.

Slowly, as if a weight is being pressed onto his shoulders, he bows his head and puts his face in his hand. "Fuck. No, Naruto, I'm not mad at you."

"Why is it always about me?"

"What's always about you?"

"Everything. I don't know." I glance around at the busy cafeteria. "It was always about how _I_ was the Jinchuuriki, how _I_ found friends, how _I_ was loved by Sasuke, how _I_ became liked by, well, at least a portion of the school. Even now, looking around, the first thing that came to mind was how people will probably be building on that rumour because _I'm_ not with Sasuke at this very second. Why am I so selfish?" I ask loudly. My nails are digging into my palms, my fists pressing into the table as though determined to leave dents. "Why aren't you mad at me?"

Kiba laughs hollowly. "That's what I'm asking you, idiot."

"I don't have your answer, Kiba." I look him in the eye again, then through gritted teeth I say, "It looks like as usual, _I've_ just found out more about myself."

"Good." Kiba stands up. Taken by surprise, I follow suit. He stands in front of me and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Never mind my question, then. It doesn't matter _why_ I'm not mad at you."

"It does!"

"What, do you _want_ me to be?"

"Maybe I do," I say, my voice barely above a whisper, and yet so intense it scares me.

He looks as if he's about to say, well then, I am mad at you, happy? But instead he turns away and sighs. "Tough luck. Have a good time with Sasuke."

I can still feel the touch of his hand on my shoulder as he leaves.

* * *

This chapter was supposed to be way more about Kyuubi and Sasuke and less about Naruto and Kiba, but, well, everything's about Naruto, isn't it? Kiba came in and asked a stupid question, the story blocked the main highway and forced me to make a detour, and here we are now. In the end it usually works out for the better, I'd say.

R+F


	30. Over

I meet Sasuke at the door of the cafeteria.

"It's too cold to wait outside," he explains as we head out for a walk. "What did Kiba want to talk to you about?"

I don't answer his question directly. Instead I ask him one. "You talked with Kiba, the day you came back from the hospital, right?"

Sasuke notices the way I edged around his question, but he humours me. "Yes."

"Does he love me?"

He doesn't seem taken aback at my abruptness, but he certainly didn't anticipate my words, and he considers for a moment.

"Yes."

Before I can get over my surprise, he continues, "Not in the way I love you."

Somehow that calms me. I gaze out to the grounds. I can make out a bridge ahead, crossing over the river, still running despite the cold.

"Kiba loves you like a brother," Sasuke says. "Older or younger, I don't know. Maybe like a twin. You two are very similar. You look out for each other. You've shared every moment since you met. No," he goes on, "I think he sees himself as the older brother. You – Naruto, when you met him, you were the one who needed support. And he supported you, and now you've come to show that you no longer need that support. You have someone else for you – a partner. It's time for your brother to step back."

We've come to the river. I stop walking and lean on the side of the bridge, staring into the clear, crisp water.

"I don't want to lose my brother," I say. Because every word of Sasuke's explanation is true. I never knew, because I didn't know what it was like to have a brother. Now I do, and it's like I don't have one anymore.

"Then go back to him," says Sasuke.

"And forget you?"

He shakes his head. "I'll be waiting." With a smile, he takes my hand. "Remember, we still live in the same room."

I return a small smile of my own. "True."

We stand in silence for a moment, then Sasuke lets go of my hand. "I'm going to the bathroom before classes start."

"I think I'll stay here a while," I say, and watch him go. As he makes his way down the path, I notice two guys coming the opposite way, running. They spot Sasuke and duck their heads as they pass him. He turns to watch them hurry away, then casts this aside and continues walking.

I watch, expecting the two to pass me, but instead they stop in front of me, panting. I don't recognize them, but they look like first years. As soon as he regains enough breath to speak, the taller one, with straight brown hair to his shoulders and a hard determination in his pale grey eyes, slams his fist down on the handrail of the bridge.

"Naruto-sempai!"

His words startle me. Sempai? I mean, yeah, if they're first years, that makes me their senior by a year, but no one's ever called me sempai before.

"Uh… who are you?" I ask.

The one who spoke looks as though he thinks his own business is more important than answering my question, but the other steps up next to him. He looks a little quieter, despite the brightly dyed coppery bangs brushing his forehead and the short, spiky black fuzz on the rest of his head. His black eyes are obscured behind the reflection of his glasses. I notice him put his hand out ever so slightly, and the other boy takes it as though he knows this routine, and at that moment I have an inkling of what they're here for.

"I'm Morimoto Takeda," he says, "and this is my… boyfriend, Takahashi Hiro."

I don't miss the way he hesitates at the word "boyfriend." And I know why. We have a lot in common, these two and me and Sasuke.

I nod at the introduction, and Takahashi-kun jumps in and says, "Naruto-sempai, don't break up with Uchiha-sempai!"

"I… wasn't going to?" I say, somewhat confused by how emphatic he is.

"We've… gained the courage to start dating," he continues, his intensity backing off a little, to my relief. "It's because of you two. Uchiha-sempai is… well, it seems no matter what he does the student body won't hate him, so when you and he started going out, it was like a revolution for us. We never would have been able to do this if it wasn't for you. If you two break up, it'll be like saying to the student body, gay relationships don't work. It's not true! Make them see that!"

I'm so overwhelmed by all of this that the first thing I can think of to say is, "The world isn't black and white, Takahashi-kun."

He's as startled by this reply as I can expect; after all, I hardly expected to give it. I go on, trying to explain myself. "Just because someone does something doesn't mean everyone will have the same opinion about it. Besides that…" I think about it, then try again. "I think part of my confusion is because of the fact that you make it sound like Sasuke and I are famous. I mean, sure, Sasuke caused a commotion among the fangirls when he pretty much announced to the media that he was gay, but we're not the deciding factor for everything. If we break up, it doesn't mean everyone will hate you for continuing your relationship. Sasuke and I have our own enemies," I add, wincing inwardly at the memory of the scene with Yukio, "but that doesn't stop us. And I know it sounds a bit selfish when I put it this way, but I'm not going to continue a relationship just because it helps someone else."

I allow myself a small smile at the way their faces fall.

"But, between you and me," I continue, "I wasn't planning on leaving Sasuke anyway. Everyone argues sometimes, you know? And don't believe every rumour you hear."

"We haven't ever argued," Takahashi-kun says.

"How long have you been together?"

He looks to Morimoto-kun, who looks back at him, then thinks and says, "A couple of months, maybe."

"Well, I can't say Sasuke and I are the perfect example, but we've been together since October, and this is the first time we've argued. It wasn't a big deal, anyway." I look out to the river again, hoping to hide the fact that I'm remembering the way Sasuke so completely ignored me this morning. It still hurts. But that's the proof that he still means something to me. "The point is, it's not enough to split us. I still love Sasuke, and goodness knows I'll do everything to keep him."

"What do you see in Uchiha-sempai?" Morimoto-kun asks, a little timidly.

I close my eyes. "I see a boy who didn't understand emotions. I see a boy who tried to camouflage what he couldn't keep suppressed by turning it into its opposite. I see a boy who is devoted, who selflessly cares for another. I see a boy who gives me everything I've been missing and asks for nothing in return. I see a boy who looks confident on the outside, but has his own insecurities on the inside. That's where I've found I can give back."

The sound of the bell snaps me out of my reverie. I remember that there are two first years listening to me ramble about Sasuke. I look at them and scratch the back of my head.

"Well, there's more than that. You can't explain a person in a sentence or two. Classes are about to start, so I suggest you guys go get your stuff, or you'll be late. I need to grab my bag too."

We make our way to the dorm crossings together. Morimoto-kun and Takahashi-kun walk hand in hand; I see the way Morimoto-kun walks close to Takahashi-kun, the way neither of them looks at each other but there's a clear connection between them. Walking next to them, I feel sort of lonely.

"You passed Sasuke when you came to talk to me," I say. "Why didn't you just ask him instead?"

Morimoto-kun hesitates. "Uchiha-sempai seems a bit harder to approach," he admits. "When I think of you two, you stand out more, Naruto-sempai. I've never seen Uchiha-sempai smile unless he's smiling at you. He's quiet and closed to strangers."

I find myself agreeing. "Yeah. Sasuke seems like a cold person to most. But I've never really known that Sasuke. You know, he used to act like he hated me. And I genuinely hated him for that. I thought he really did hate me, that for some unknown reason he had the biggest grudge against me. He pissed me off, he really did." I laugh at the memory. "But he never acted cold towards me. Hate or love, it was always strong."

"Why would you love him if you hated him before?" Takahashi-kun asks as though the idea is incomprehensible.

"When I found out his hate was actually a mask for his love… well, I was really shocked at first. Angry, and upset. But when it was all out in the open, he seemed so sincere, I gave him a chance. And he showed me he really meant it. For someone like me… No one's ever loved me. No one wants to love a monster. Sasuke gave me something I never dreamed of having, and because of that, he has my heart."

I turn to realize they've stopped walking, looking at me with something close to wonder. Then I realize we're at the place where we part ways anyway. These two… I mean, it does feel nice to be held in such high esteem, but I'd rather just be equals with the people who actually like me for a change.

"He must be really special to you," says Takahashi-kun quietly.

I smile. "Yeah. It's good to know Sasuke and I aren't alone," I tell them. "I never really believed we were, but I couldn't expect everyone who was gay to stand up and shout it out to the world. It's only because it's Sasuke that there was such a commotion for the first while." I look around at the students making their way towards the school. "Well, if we don't hurry we'll all be late for class."

Morimoto-kun checks his watch. "Ten minutes. Okay. Thanks so much, Naruto-sempai." He smiles, and Takahashi-kun grins.

"No problem. See you around, maybe." With a smile and a wave, I head off to my own dorm building.

—

I chat with Kiba during history class, and I can tell he appreciates my company. We part ways for our next class in high spirits, and I quickly go and catch up to Sasuke, who's already started towards the music room while I was saying goodbye to Kiba. When I reach him, I grab his arm first, then let my hand fall into his. He glances over at me, then looks forward again. I'm about to say something when I realize he's not holding my hand, just letting me hold his.

"Sasuke…"

He doesn't respond.

"Sasuke-teme," I whine more insistently.

"Hn?" He doesn't even react to my tone of voice.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Is it because of Kiba? You're the one who said I should spend more time with him. You said you'd wait for me, right? Well, now it's just us."

"Kiba's not your only friend. Gaara is in our music class too."

"Sasuke!"

I stop walking, and my firm hold on his hand forces him to whirl around and face me. I refuse to let go of him, but he doesn't make any move to get away. I'm aware of the people whispering around us for half a moment before I discard the fact, focusing completely on the space that contains me and Sasuke.

"It's not Kiba," he mutters, very quietly. He turns and his hand slips out of mine. He continues walking.

A hand touches my shoulder. I whip around and snap, "What?", then realize it's Sakura-chan, looking worried. I glance back in Sasuke's direction to find that he's already gotten halfway down the hall while I was standing here being stunned.

"What's happening?" Sakura-chan asks, voice wrought with concern. "Why are you two… why are you fighting?"

"We're not fighting," I reply automatically.

"No," she agrees. "You're fighting, Naruto, and he's not responding. Why?"

"I don't know!" I burst out. The students around me flinch and scurry away. I take a deep breath, then lean against the wall and put a hand to my forehead. "I don't know. Sasuke's been… He won't respond to me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, Sakura-chan! I don't – I don't want to lose him… I'm losing him, Sakura-chan."

It must be a miracle, I think to myself, the way Sakura-chan feels as strongly about this as I do. Maybe not a hundred percent, but far more than anyone else could. She loves Sasuke – that means she knows what I'm feeling, even a little. And she's always cared about me. Everyone always has. I feel a twinge of guilt as I realize I'm being selfish again – but I can't let this go for the sake of being selfless. I'll let other things go. Sasuke is too important.

"Sakura-chan," I say, "you care about both of us, both me and Sasuke. Normally, you'd probably side with me in an argument about emotions. But the other side here is Sasuke. Can you… can you be our moderator? Ask him to tell you why he's ignoring me."

"Naruto," she says slowly, "Sasuke doesn't open up to anyone but you. I may have reacquainted myself with him, but he's still distant to me. He wouldn't tell me a thing like that."

"Well he's not opening up to me anymore," I say, feeling panic rise as I voice the fact. "If what you say is true, then since he isn't opening up to me, he won't open up to anyone. What do I do?"

"Talk to him. It might seem like he's treating you coldly, but I'm sure he still loves you. Maybe he's just confused about something. Tell him why you're upset with him. He cares about you, Naruto. If you show him he's hurting you, he'll fix it."

I turn this over in my mind. "I hope you're right, Sakura-chan. Thanks."

She smiles. "I'll always give you help when you need it. We should get to class now."

"Yeah."

She goes, but I don't. I walk in the direction of the music room, then as soon as I'm out of her sight I double back and return to my dorm room. Ignoring the second bell, I flop down on my bed, trying to clear my mind of the tangle of confusion so that I can sort it out later.

I nap, but Kyuubi's constant nudging only adds to my irritation, and I doze on the surface of sleep until the last bell of the day sounds. Feeling completely unrested, I make my way down to the front door. There I lean against the wall, shove my hands in my pockets, and wait.

Takeo, our dorm neighbour, arrives before Sasuke gets there. I nod to him in greeting.

"You've made a fair bit of trouble for me and Sasuke," I tell him darkly.

"Sorry." He shrugs and goes inside. Well, at least he made a semblance of apologizing.

I spot Sasuke quite a while before he reaches me. He doesn't try to pass me by. He stops in front of me.

"Sasuke."

"Naruto."

I look right into his eyes, trying to understand why this is happening. Why is it that we've suddenly become rivals, enemies? Why do we speak like wary opponents? How did the Sasuke who kissed and hugged me, who held my hand and danced with me, who gave me hickeys and who I gave piggyback rides, become someone who treats me like every other stranger or classmate?

"We need to talk," I say. "I'm not taking no for an answer."

He doesn't resist.

I lead us wordlessly to our dorm room, locking the door behind us. We stand in the middle of the room, between our two beds, face to face.

"Tell me why you're ignoring me."

"It's not Kiba," he repeats.

My temper flares. "Then what?" I demand. "If it's not Kiba, then who is it?"

He didn't expect me to hear the implied meaning behind his words – it's not Kiba, it's someone else.

"No one."

"Liar." It hurts, it hurts more than saying "you're lying". I can only hope it hurts him a fraction of how much it hurts me. " 'People don't talk about things. They just get angry, and that's why they fall apart.' That's what you said. I'm angry, Sasuke! I'm mad at you, and we're falling apart. So? Are you going to talk about it? Or is it over between us?"

The last words barely come out through the lump in my throat. My thoughts have scattered into an unfamiliar and frightening pattern, and my mind races to set it back the way it was before. It's a question, it's not a statement, it's not a fact yet. But it's a possibility, and it's staggering. I need Sasuke to say it isn't true. I'm desperate for it. I search his face, that closed, cold expression, those bright eyes. He's made a mistake, he can tell. If that's the only thing he's realized after all this, maybe he's not as smart as I made him out to be. Still, if he's figured that much out, maybe he'll do something to fix the problem. Please. Do something.

"It's not over," he says quietly.

There's so much relief at this that I almost forget my anger. I almost forget that he's a liar. I almost forget the one simple thing I want from him, the reason he's being so distant.

Then he steps forward and pulls me into his arms, and everything washes away.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs into my ear, rocking me gently. "I'm sorry, Naruto."

Dimly I put my arms around him too. He pulls back far enough to kiss me, and he does so deeply, tugging at all my senses, turning my world into a little column of space that holds him inside. Just him. Just Sasuke. There is no up or down; there are no worries, no troubles, no fears no hopes no dreams. Just Sasuke's fingers across my back, his lips on my neck, his tongue against my shoulder, his hair in my hands, his body in my arms.

* * *

Once again I got by with a little sidetracking, but I had been planning to throw in another shounen-ai couple anyway, so why not now? Maybe they were the encouragement Naruto needed to face Sasuke.

R+F


	31. Can't Hate You

When I manage to make a little space in my thoughts, it's to find everything dark and a ceiling above me and my bed under my back and the sheets up to my waist and Sasuke asleep pressed against me, his head in the crook of my neck. In a moment of panic I imagine heat, skin, sweat and passion and hormones; but no, we're both quite surely wearing the same clothes we were in last I checked, and nothing seems out of place. Nothing but the fact that I blanked out between Sasuke kissing me and now.

No alcohol, no drugs. No, that's wrong – Sasuke is my drug. I can get drunk off him; I can drown in his sweet taste and enticing touch, let myself sink into his hold and respond to his every move. I'm addicted; I went into withdrawal then came back to my usual amount, and I overdosed. And now I'm thinking in extended metaphors. Maybe Sasuke can use them in his writing.

"_Kit. Hey, kit."_

I sit bolt upright, heart suddenly pounding. I press a hand to my chest, breathing hard, willing myself to believe I didn't just hear what I thought I did.

"_Oh, I do so love denial. Go on. I'm not here at all, that's all you have to tell yourself."_

"No," I breathe. "No, no."

"_No, I'm not here, or no, you're not in denial? You know, I've been trying very hard to reach you from down here. Ever since yesterday when Yukio crossed your mind, I got a sudden spurt of energy somehow. Good thing, too – for me anyway."_

"No!"

"No what?" comes Sasuke's sleepy voice. He sits up.

I grab his hand; pain flashes in his face, but I can't work out how to fix that, my mind is so preoccupied. And Kyuubi's voice distracts me further: _"Well, go on. The Uchiha always did know how to help you, when he wanted to help you at all."_

I shove my fingers in my hair and stare as hard as I can at one spot, trying to stay still so that my mind will do the same.

"Naruto?"

Terror swells once again. "Sasuke – what do I do? I can't – I—"

"Calm down," he says firmly. His hands grip my shoulders and he forces me to look into his eyes. They're so commanding that I deflate like a balloon. "What happened? Tell me."

Unable to manage more than a whisper, I choke out: "Kyuubi."

His reaction terrifies me. Sasuke always knows what to do; Sasuke's always confident and never afraid. He can't do this to me. No. Please, no.

"What?" he asks, his tone urgent. "What happened?"

"He talked to me. I'm awake, Sasuke! I'm awake and I'm not standing in front of Kyuubi's cage, and he didn't even have to call me – he can talk to me! I can hear him now – he's – he's laughing. He's laughing because I'm panicking…"

Sasuke stares at me as though all his fears have been confirmed. "Naruto…"

"What?" I snap, then regret it; I don't want to get mad at Sasuke.

He frowns, troubled, and glances away. "You want to know why I was avoiding you?"

Now really isn't the time, but I stop to listen anyway.

"You're going to hate me for saying this," he says.

"I can't hate you."

"I really don't want to say it, but… Ever since Kyuubi started calling out to you, I've… Naruto, I think you might be schizophrenic."

This takes me so much by surprise that I jump to my feet. "_What?_"

"Don't shout," Sasuke says, voice pained. "Please."

I can't keep my voice down, but I don't want to anyway. "_That's_ why you've been avoiding me? You think I'm schizophrenic, so you think you can help me by _avoiding_ me?"

"I – Naruto, I was… I was afraid—"

"Afraid you're dating a schizo?"

"No," he says, "I was – the idea scared me, the thought that you might be – that you might be mentally ill. I was afraid for you. I really, really hope I'm wrong. Naruto, demons don't exist."

"So, what, you think I'm crazy?"

"Schizophrenics aren't 'crazy,' Naruto."

"They hear voices and have delusions! Are you telling me everyone's having the same delusion, Sasuke? Because everyone knows the Kyuubi was sealed into me, and you were the one who saw the way my eyes turned red when I got angry, and I don't know how you're even going to begin to explain my nails and teeth and those scars you've still got," I snap. "Great folie-à-deux we've got going here. Did I grab a knife and slice you open? Did I stab Yukio in the wrist and take steroids and beat up all his friends at once? And I guess we've got everyone in the whole town convinced, too. They even celebrate the made-up event of sealing a huge nine-tailed fox into a fucking baby's stomach!"

"That… I don't know, Naruto. I just…"

"You're trying to explain too much by normal means, Sasuke. Demons aren't a part of your life, but this one's a part of mine. It's always been, and it always will be. You think I believed Mizuki-sensei when he spilled four years ago? I thought he was crazy! And now you think I'm crazy." I laugh, not out of humour. "Fine! Call me crazy, call me a schizo, whatever you want. I don't care, I don't fucking care. I don't… I won't hold it against you – I don't care what you think, Sasuke, I… can't… I can't hate you…"

It's only when my throat constricts too much to continue talking that I notice the tears streaking down my face. A strangled sob racks my chest and my vision blurs and I suddenly lose all will to stand. I fall into strong arms, cling to a warm body, cry on a comforting shoulder. I pour out all my anger and confusion and loneliness in the one person I can trust most, the person who wouldn't talk to me because he thought I was crazy, the person who subdued my rage against him by seducing me. He's stupid and manipulative and selfish, and I love him.

* * *

It's hard for me to have Kyuubi in this story because it's supposed to be reality, but I've wanted him to speak up in Naruto's waking moments sooner or later. You'll see how that resolves itself.

R+F


	32. To Love You

No intended parallels to the manga To Love Ru. I don't even know what that's about.

* * *

It's a week to February 14th, Valentine's Day: a day for girls, despite everything. Do guys really care that they're being given chocolate by those who admire them? Well, okay, maybe. But girls make such a big deal out of it – friends, lovers, family; it doesn't matter: if you're a guy and you know a girl, you'll be getting chocolate from her. Of course, you're obligated to return the favour the same day next month, White Day. Maybe that's why they made it so that girls give first – if it were the other way around, chocolate sales would probably be a lot lower. (You can't live with Sasuke and not know that every Western-origin holiday is geared towards sales.)

Kyuubi scoffs at the idea of pink and red and chocolate. What a stupid event, he says. _"And why's it got to have a colour scheme? Anyway, why is love coloured red and pink? Red is the colour of blood. Oh yes, very romantic. And pink, that's a girly colour to humans, isn't it? Males make up half the population of idiots in love. More than that, apparently, according to what's between you and Sasuke."_

He's been ranting for the past five minutes about the superficiality of holidays and how it's weak of humans to celebrate, or some shit like that. Ever since the bell rang after bio class and the girls immediately erupted into chatter about who they were getting chocolates for, and I decided to entertain the thought of how I'm going to get through Valentine's Day with Sasuke, Kyuubi hasn't stopped talking. It's getting increasingly hard to ignore him, and so when I make it to the privacy of my dorm room, I confront him aloud.

"Would you just shut up?"

"_What, you don't enjoy my discourse?"_

"Hell no. You're not entitled to speak, ever," I add.

"_Can't rule a demon, kit."_

"I'm not about to let you take over my life, _demon_. You're going to shut up, or so help me I swear I'll have you surgically removed."

I'm deafened to my surroundings by roaring laughter. My vision tunnels and I have to sit down on my bed to avoid keeling over. When his outburst finally subsides into chuckles, my head clears enough for me to see Sasuke standing in front of me, leaning in to look at my face.

"Naruto? You look like a siren is going off in your ears." He says it more casually than I'm used to from him, like a passing greeting, a learned formality.

"May as well be," I say through gritted teeth. "Kyuubi's got the most fucked up sense of humour."

"_You can't surgically remove me! Magic and science mix like oil and water, boy. I'm as big as a mountain, and you think I have a physical form within you? You'd carve yourself hollow before you found me."_

"Kyuubi again?" Sasuke frowns. "Can't you make him be quiet?"

"I'm trying," I sigh. "I'm trying. Sasuke…"

I reach up with a hand, and Sasuke takes it. I fall back, pulling him down on top of me, our legs dangling off the edge of the bed. He gets on all fours above me and looks at me questioningly. I shake my head and link my hands together around him. His expression softens, and he closes his eyes as he leans forward to kiss me.

My heart is full by the time we finally pause for a moment, finding ourselves in a tangle of limbs, bodies close everywhere. I notice a clarity of mind, a silence.

"He's gone," I say.

"Hn?"

"Kyuubi. He's… gone. Not just being quiet. His presence is gone."

"Good." Sasuke doesn't care to hear the reason or the details. He nibbles at my pulse.

"Still think I'm a schizo?" I ask somewhat sarcastically, although I really want to hear the answer, now that I realize I never found out last night.

He takes a moment to answer. "I don't know," he says finally, and now I hear the tone of voice I'm used to hearing from Sasuke when he talks about me – like he cares. Like it matters, like it makes a difference to him. That's what I want. I want to matter to him. "I… I understand you're sure Kyuubi's really a demon, that he exists and was sealed into you or however that works, but I can't really grasp the concept myself. I don't know demons, Naruto."

"You don't have to," I say, even though I know it would be better if he did. At this point, I would rather he didn't understand but loved me anyway, instead of trying to understand, failing, and turning away from me. It doesn't have to be complete. Nothing is perfect. "You don't have to understand it. Just accept it. I'm perfectly sane, Sasuke. Don't think I'm any different than the person you love. Nothing's changed."

"But I'm afraid for you, Naruto," he says, holding me tighter. "If it really is a mental illness – I know you don't think it is, but hear me out, it's a hypothesis – if it is a mental illness, well, they take a lot of work to cure, or reduce, if that's the case. It's a big job. You can't do it alone."

"Then why would you push me away?" I retort, hurt. "If I can't be alone, why would you make me feel alone? You think mentally ill people don't need the support of those they love?"

Guilt spreads through him, and secretly I'm glad. To know he feels bad is all I need – to know he's sincerely sorry.

"I was afraid too," he murmurs. "Afraid that – I don't know. Maybe I thought avoiding the problem would make me feel better. I was stupid."

"You were," I agree.

He looks into my eyes. "Forgive me?"

I smile. "Always."

—

A wave of disgust lurches over me before Kyuubi's voice tears apart the darkness, a low growl that sounds like he's got something sticky in his throat.

"_Ugh. I hate Uchihas."_

I raise an eyebrow at the eyes irritably glaring down at me.

"_Never did anything good, the lot of them. It's like their entire clan's goal is to get rid of me."_

That would be nice, I muse silently, trying to work out what could have brought this particular topic about. Uchihas getting rid of Kyuubi. Sasuke? Does Sasuke have something to do with… with what? I feel like I've just gained a significant portion of a puzzle that I have to solve, but the other pieces are completely beyond my reach. This alone keeps me where I am, in front of the demon fox. But he's fallen silent for once. All he's doing is staring at me with that pissed-off expression, his ears folded back, his eyes nothing more than slits.

—

I wake up to the sound of the dorm room door closing. I open my eyes when the smell of fresh rice and fish reaches my nose. Sitting up, I see Sasuke set down a Styrofoam box on his desk.

"Dinner," he says.

"_Humans getting food for other humans. Ridiculous,"_ Kyuubi scoffs. _"In the wild you get your own food, or you die."_

I mutter a curse under my breath. "I think Kyuubi talks to me just to piss me off. He doesn't even ever say anything important."

Sasuke sighs and waves me over. I pull my chair up to his desk and he puts a kiss to my cheek.

"Ignore him," he says, and turns to his food.

I nod and prepare myself to do so, but then I realize there's nothing there to ignore. There's a blank, a nothingness where Kyuubi's presence used to be. Puzzled but satisfied, I settle in to eat.

I grab a water bottle from my desk and I'm about to take a sip when a very disgruntled voice rings in my ears: _"Would you cut that out?"_

No longer surprised by Kyuubi's interruptions, I slowly lower the bottle. I try as hard as I can to convey a _what?_ in my head, which seems to work well enough, or maybe Kyuubi's just feeling particularly talkative, because he continues as though he heard me.

"_Geez. I mean, it's all good and well if you're passing him a pencil and happen to touch, but when you put so much… _meaning _into it…"_ He shudders. _"It's like a burr in my throat, boy."_

"You're… hurt by affection?"

"What?"

I start when I realize that I spoke aloud. "Not you," I say hastily. "Give me your hand for a second."

I hold mine out to him. He looks at me questioningly, then slowly takes it. A hiss of displeasure barely makes itself heard in my mind, quickly fading as though increasing distance, like someone shouting from far away. Encouraged, I interlock my fingers with Sasuke's and press into a kiss, tasting dinner on his lips. Though that thought is a bit of a mood-killer, I still feel the same surge of something that lifts my heart, perhaps calmer than the first time we kissed, but still there. It washes away the last eddies of darkness Kyuubi left in my mind and leaves me with an unexpected sense of exhilaration.

"This is it," I breathe, staring at Sasuke, his eyes out of focus from being so close to mine. "Affection drives Kyuubi away. It's like poison to him."

Sasuke understands my excitement, but he keeps both feet on the ground, and pulls me down from the sky. "That's… I mean, it's great, but frankly, it's overwhelmingly sappy."

I laugh. "It's great! Yeah, it's sappy, but so what? It's such a simple answer, and we've seen it before, when Kyuubi took over my mind. You pushed him away and brought me back, Sasuke. It's you."

"It's like something out of a bad book," he goes on, but he's smiling now. "You know, defeating the bad guys with the power of love. Load of bull."

"Yeah, well, life always did suck."

"Not when I'm with you," Sasuke says, pressing his nose against my cheek.

"No," I agree.

—

With Sasuke properly by my side again and his passion renewed – possibly by the realization that affection repels Kyuubi, or maybe making up for lost time, or maybe for no reason at all – the next week flies by and then it's the weekend. Valentine's Day is on Sunday, but Sasuke doesn't like chocolate much and neither of us is a girl anyway, so we decide to just spend the weekend together (which, in reality, is no different from every other weekend). Still, I can't describe Saturday as anything other than fun, with Sasuke mischievously nipping at my jaw or ear or collarbone whenever he has a moment. I tease him back, evading his kisses or trailing my fingers down his arms or sticking my nose in his hair. We keep civil outside the dorm room, but then it becomes another game, sneaking pecks or putting hands on shoulders or dragging each other places. We try to do homework, but I keep distracting Sasuke until he chases me around the room. Tired of running, I flop onto my bed. He follows, sitting on the edge, then leans over, his face nearing mine. I lift my head up the extra few inches to meet his lips, pulling him back down with a hand at the back of his neck. Determined to give something back this time, I tug at his lips with mine, flicking the tip of my tongue along his teeth, pressing into the slight gap in order to gain further access. He bites down firmly, not painfully, but enough to warn me against thinking of taking the lead. He waits until I stop before coaxing my tongue into his mouth – I dimly resent him for not letting me enter myself – and starting to suck on it. I rub against the roof of his mouth as he teases the underside of my tongue.

I back off on the actions for a moment to focus on the sensations beyond the kiss, noticing Sasuke's hand against my cheek, his thumb slowly rubbing back and forth against my scars. The hand that was on Sasuke's neck is now buried in his hair, and I tug at the strands, running my fingers against his scalp, swishing his hair about. I direct my other hand to his back, pulling up his shirt so that I can sprawl my fingers out against his skin, cool to the touch, and he responds, spine arching into the heat my hand provides. He takes my advance as an invitation to get closer; his hand brushes against my hip, then runs up my side, slipping under my shirt. I squirm a little as he passes the ticklish part, but he ignores this in favour of coming around to my stomach. He dives deeper, fingers ghosting against my chest. Feeling hot, I pull away from the kiss to discard my shirt, then attack his and get rid of it too.

"What are we doing?" he asks, more a breath than a string of words. He looks into my eyes, asking me seriously – is it okay?

I shake my head, pushing his uncertainties aside. "It doesn't matter. Keep going."

He nods once, then slips his hands behind my back and pulls us so that we're sitting upright, drawing me into another kiss. I push my hand insistently into the small of his back, urging him closer, then drag my hands up to his shoulders and push him back so that I'm above him now. He opens his mouth to protest, but his words dissolve into an exclamation of surprise as I latch on to his neck, licking at his skin. I roam all over his shoulders and collarbone, and when I nip at a spot farther back, between his neck and his shoulder, his head flies back and he lets out a strangled grunt. The sound surprises me, sending through me a feeling I'm not sure I'm ready to feel. But my body pays no attention to my mind, and I press harder with my teeth, sucking on the spot, and Sasuke's heavy breathing and the way his nails dig into my spine elicit more waves of that indescribable sensation. I'm apprehensive about it, but at the same time, I'm intrigued. So I leave behind all anxiety and dive in head-first.

"N…Naruto…" Sasuke pants.

"Hm?" I murmur against his neck. I can feel his throat vibrate when he speaks, and I know he can feel the vibrations coming from my voice as well.

He shakes his head, hand sliding down my back. "No… Nothing."

Still abusing that one spot, I press my body against his, feeling sparks erupt in my chest at the feeling of skin on skin, our already high body temperatures rising further. I press closer, closer – then jerk back, because I noticed something that I hadn't expected at all.

Sasuke stares, his breath washing over me, mine washing over him. His eyes are wide, his expression that of astonishment: a mirror to my own face.

"You're hard," he whispers.

* * *

Normally I fail at cliffhangers, but this one practically jumped into my face. It just had to be done. Cliffhangers make me feel powerful…

I know lots of you have been waiting for this. Personally I still think I'm going too fast, but somehow I get the feeling many of you will disagree. Let me remind you, this fanfiction is _not_ primarily about lemon. If that dissatisfies you, go read a one-shot. That's what I do.

Thanks for reading!

R+F


	33. Pure and Instinctual

Sasuke's words break my stunned stupor, and I jump off of him, feeling as though I've been electrocuted. I turn on my heel, stride to the washroom, and slam the door behind me.

Even minutes after I end up there, frozen, my heart won't calm down, my breathing still heavy, my mind still racing, and my pants still uncomfortably tight. I quickly tug off my remaining clothes and step into the shower, blasting myself with cold water. I shudder convulsively as the icy needles drive at my skin, and then even if the cold stopped I wouldn't be able to stop shivering; even if I were on fire, I wouldn't be able to stop. I have to grip the metal bar along the wall to steady myself, leaning back against the other wall, water pouring down my face.

My mind reels so violently that I have to press the back of my head against the wall and shut my eyes tight; a thousand thoughts are spinning through my head in a fraction of a second, everything that could ever be fathomed about the situation surging into my consciousness at once, over and over again, playing vividly in front of me. It's a long, long moment before I can make enough sense of it to hold on to a single thought, even though the rest of them are still rushing wildly around it.

Sex. That's what it all boils down to, isn't it? Sexual drive, pure and instinctual. I know I'm attracted to Sasuke, in body, mind, and soul. Every fibre of my being is pulled towards his, whether knowingly or unconsciously. I want him. My body reacts to him. Reacted to him. Honestly I'm surprised it took this long – after all those times we kissed, after those times we slept in the same bed or sat around shirtless or went to the Stoneheads and got drunk and danced – how could I have gone through that without feeling this? No – I felt it. I felt that current of desire, swirling about inside me, deep in my core.

Distracted, I jump to another train of thought, unable to complete the first. All these sequences pass me at once, trying to latch on, trying to run their course, trying to bump the other ones off. One grabs hold and tells me, Sasuke is a guy. Sasuke's a guy, and I'm a guy, and by the rules of evolution I've only ever been sexually attracted to girls. That's the fear that's stopped my mind from wandering farther from the moments in which things might have escalated; that's the fear that sent a thousand volts of panic through me when Sasuke spoke not minutes ago. To know that I reacted to him – to know that – that I wasn't the only one—

Everything I thought I was getting a grip on seems to dissolve into oblivion again at the memory of that single split second, of that fleeting brush of contact at our hips: Sasuke was just as aroused as I was. If I was supposed to feel better at the fact that I'm not alone, then my body missed the memo, because it just seems to amplify all the problems. If one of us could control their body, then one of us could control the situation: if we're both lost, then there's no one to stop us.

By now I'm shivering uncontrollably, the cold piercing me to my very bones. How long have I been here? Hours? It must have been a long time, because I'm freezing. I reach for the tap; I miss it the first time because my hand is shaking so hard, but when I find it I twist it to the off position. It's at that point that I realize my fingers are locked around the metal bar, knuckles protesting painfully. It hurts more when I let go. I flex my hand a few times, wincing, then carefully step out of the shower, a hand on the wall. Then I grab a towel, pull it around myself, and crouch down, making myself small, trying to warm myself up with whatever body heat I haven't lost yet. A new thought forces its way to the front, a memory, and I almost laugh at my own stupidity, because this is exactly like when I ran outside in the freezing rain four months ago. Never mind not going out like Sasuke said – I could kill myself right here in this bathroom if I wanted. I wouldn't be surprised if I caught something again. But can I trust Sasuke to cure me? Like last time, I feel repelled – but not repelled exactly, anymore, so much as afraid to be drawn in. Afraid something will happen that I can't deal with. Afraid it'll go too far, like that one time at the Stoneheads almost did. But like that time, and like the last time I inflicted intense cold upon myself, maybe Sasuke can help me. Maybe I can trust him to put me before him. Maybe I'm selfish.

With no clothes here to change into, I dry off, wrap myself up securely, and go back into the room. Sasuke's lying across his bed with his feet on the ground, face in his hands, fingers tangled in his hair, elbows slumped sideways as though he got tired of holding them up. He looks up at the sound of the door opening.

"Naruto…" There are a million things he wants to say, and none he can.

I refuse to meet his eyes – I can't. I can't say his name either; I can't acknowledge who he is to me because I need his help in ways I can't ask of the person he is to me. When I speak, my voice shakes along with the rest of my body. "I'm… c-cold…"

He almost immediately gets up and comes over, but stops a foot away, as though afraid to touch me. Deep inside myself, I note a touch of sarcastic amusement: he's learned by now what to do in situations like this. I haven't. "What did you do?"

"C-cold shower… g…got dist-t-tracted." I poke a trembling hand out of my towel and wave him closer. "P-please…"

His hand reaches me first; I can feel the heat radiating off his fingers before he makes contact, almost scalding hot against my cheek. He flinches at the temperature.

"Oh, Naruto…" He pulls me against his body, wrapping his arms firmly around me. He remains there for a while, and I relish the way my frozen core hungrily absorbs the heat he provides. After a few minutes he murmurs into my ear, his breath agonizingly warm, "Are you strong enough to put some clothes on? It'll be warmer under the covers."

I nod weakly, and he lets go of me, returning to his side of the room. I know his back is turned as I struggle into my pyjamas. When I'm done, he helps me get into my bed, then climbs in next to me, pulling the covers over us before holding me tight again.

"I'm a-an idiot," I mutter, burying my face in his warmth. "You'd think I'd've learned my lesson after the f-first time."

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry for driving you to this. I never knew – I shouldn't have—"

I know what he wants to say. "It's not your fault," I tell him. "Told you… I'm an idiot."

"You wouldn't have done something like that if it weren't for me," he argues.

"I wouldn't have done a lot of good things if it weren't for you," I retort weakly. I feel my eyelids close. "Don't talk, okay?"

I can feel his eyes glued to me. "…Okay."

* * *

This chapter was, just like chapter 31, the result of two chapters split into shorter sections, purely for pacing. Real-time pacing. Isn't that weird? I think it's weird.

R+F


	34. Just Know

When my consciousness begins to return to me, I feel infinitely warm, more comfortable than ever. It takes me a minute to remember why, partly because I don't bother trying – why does it matter, when I'm this peaceful? But soon enough the reason comes back to me, and it's then that I truly take in my surroundings.

I'm in my bed, lying on my side under my covers – this is the place and the position in which I sleep the most comfortably. I typically end up wrapping myself in the covers like a cocoon, and indeed I'm being held tightly by something soft, something I know well… but this something has arms that are firm but gentle around my waist, and a face that's buried into the back of my neck, and a chest that's pressed against my back.

I slept through the night without disturbances. I had a dream, though, I remember. With my eyes still closed, I recall the images and sensations.

The smells and the sounds came first, filling me up, and yet leaving me wanting so much more. There was a cool, fresh tint to the heavy scent that pressed around me, firing up every nerve in my being. I heard heavy breathing, a voice that said nothing, but whose sounds told me everything. And there was warmth, lots of warmth. It was an intoxicating heat that spread through my body, buzzing in my core, tingling in my limbs. Then came the touches – feathery light at first, then gently sweeping, and gradually increasing in intensity until nails were digging into my back and teeth were pressing into my pulse and a determined tongue was tasting everything I had to give, and I was tasting him back, drinking in that flavour I knew so well and yet never tired of tasting. And before long I could see: dim shapes at first, the curve of a shoulder, the outline of a jawbone, the ripple of muscles in his torso. His body was close, very close – closer than touching – and his dead-straight, pitch-black hair blocked my view of his eyes, until he moved his head so that I couldn't see his face anyway; and his mouth was next to my ear, whispering, murmuring, _Naruto, Naruto_. And then he drew his head back, and his eyes stripped me to my soul, and I was screaming.

It wasn't purely mental, though – the dream left me something for me to find when I woke up. As it is, I don't realize until now exactly what I've been given, but it becomes painfully obvious when Sasuke groans in his sleep, stirring that feeling inside of me: I've got another hard-on. I squeeze my eyes tight, then open them. Sasuke's a light sleeper and I can't move without waking him in the position he's got me. I sigh. Maybe I can wait it out. But when Sasuke shifts, pressing closer, I have to grit my teeth to stop the sound that tries to force its way out of my throat.

This isn't going to work.

I nudge Sasuke awake. "Hey, teme," I say gruffly, trying to keep the truth from showing in my voice, "I need to use the bathroom."

"Hn…" He sleepily lets go of me; I carefully and swiftly manoeuvre around him and slip into the bathroom. If he saw anything, he says nothing about it. It's with relief that I close the bathroom door behind me.

Cold water is not an option this time. Anyway, after that vivid dream I had – I remember every detail – I don't think I could easily forget this. And there are only two ways to get rid of an erection.

I get into the shower again, turning the water to a comfortable temperature. I let it run over me for a minute or so, relaxing into the warmth. As soon as I close my eyes, though, the dream returns in brilliant clarity. I firmly block out the images, then, when I'm sure they're gone, I slowly trail my hand downward.

It's been a while since I had a wet dream. It's just not something that comes up that often. It's a good thing when you live with someone you hate. I guess it's also a good thing when you live with someone you love, too. I've been fortunate enough to escape most awkward coincidences so far, but – especially after last night – what else could I have expected? I went and made a big deal out of it in my head, so it's not like I could just cast it aside and pretend it never happened. Even if I did that in my mind, my body wouldn't forget. It's impossible to forget that twisting heat in your abdomen, that torturing bliss… It's right there, right where you want it, and you can feel it filling you up, and yet you can't get enough of it, you need to see it through, right to the end.

Unbidden, the sensations of the dream rise up again. I try to beat them down, embarrassed about how I want them, how I want to use Sasuke's body and Sasuke's smell and everything that is him. I feel as though if I let myself succumb to that, I won't be able to distinguish the line between the Sasuke I'm unafraid to touch and the Sasuke that feeds the fire. But it's no use – the dream sends rush after delicious rush through my veins, spreading out, focusing in. Soon enough I stop trying altogether; my mind is set, and the only thing I want is sweet abandon, that tiny spark of heaven, and Sasuke's appearance in my dream is all I need to get there.

I climax with a stifled grunt, a sound I refuse to let escape, but which I can't hold back entirely. As I spiral from the heights, my head slowly clearing, the exhaustion kicks in and reality comes back to me in the form of spraying water, cold wall tiles, and the knowledge that I'm still at home – and so is Sasuke. Guilt crawls up my spine, but it doesn't seem as bad as it ought to. I don't really feel that bad. Not after I just had what was probably the best orgasm of my life.

But even when emotions fade, solid thoughts will remain, and slowly the guilt begins to override the fading memories of the lust. Can I really face Sasuke after my mind created such vivid scenes? Would it be possible to act normal around him? And it's not just this – after last night, too. I had to trust him to warm me up; there was nothing else I could do, no one else to trust. But can I trust myself to continue our relationship in the same way after the knowledge that we both want more intimacy out of it?

I climb out of the shower, still thinking. If we both want more… then it should be okay, shouldn't it? But I'm still afraid. I'm not ready. Dreams are different from reality, and I'm not ready to bring the former into the latter. In my dreams, it doesn't matter what gender Sasuke is, because that's not what I love him for. But in reality, gender is a leading factor in this whole business. I'm not ready for reality.

Strangely enough, I'm more anxious about going out in nothing but a towel today than I was last night. Still, there's nothing I can do, so I go out to grab some clothes. Sasuke is still lying in my bed, but on his back this time. He opens his eyes when I get out of the bathroom, but says nothing. I take my clothes back to the washroom with me, and it's not until I'm dressed that Sasuke decides to communicate with me. Silently I thank him for not being a tactless idiot; in fact, he has a lot of sensibility about when it's the right time to do certain things. I wish I knew how he does it.

"Good morning, Naruto," he says, sounding incredibly normal. And yet I can tell from his tone that he hasn't forgotten last night – he's just choosing not to speak of it, letting me be the one to decide whether or not it needs discussing.

But it does. I'm nervous, and in all honesty I'd give just about anything if only I could bury it under the rug forever, but I know I can't. Even if Sasuke is okay with leaving it behind, I know I won't be able to act normally until I know Sasuke's stance on it. So I look at him, fully intending to speak. I open my mouth, and out comes: "Good morning, Sasuke."

I blink. That is not what I was going to say. I frown, then suddenly I see a wall, not physical, not truly visible, but solidly, immovably there. Every time I go to breach the subject, it swallows up my words, leaving me speechless. I can't do it.

Sasuke looks at me questioningly, patiently. He knows I want to say something. But I can't. I can't break the wall. But he can – I'm sure of it. I know that if he mentions it first, everything will come spilling out. But I don't know how to make him do that without mentioning it myself, and I can't say anything that comes anywhere near the topic.

"Hang on a second," I say. Cursing the way I can so easily say words that amount to nothing but can't even begin to utter what really matters, I stride over to my desk and pull out the notebook I use when I need to tell Sasuke something I can't voice. I write carefully and clearly, then hold it out in front of me. He reads:

_You go first._

I see his eyes freeze, fixed on the three words. Then he looks back up at me. I put the notebook back, then sit in my chair, motioning for him to bring his over. I can't bear to sit on the bed right now.

Sasuke is silent for a long moment – not nervous or anxious, but trying to decide how best to phrase the key that will unlock the door. I see his solution in his eyes. He looks up at me, then holds out his hand. My own hand shaking, I reach out and take his, and in that instant I suddenly feel more comfortable. This is a gesture I know well, a gesture of pure love and nothing more. This is a gesture of trust.

"Are you okay with this?"

My heart jumps, and everything rushes in at once. Overwhelmed, I collapse into myself, my head hanging, my hands pressing painfully into my knees, even while my one hand is attached to Sasuke's. I feel my shoulders shuddering, my core trembling, making it hard to breathe straight. All I can do is stare at my white knuckles.

"I'm afraid, Sasuke – I want this, I want you – but – I'm not ready – I want to – to – Sasuke, Sasuke, what do I do?"

Sasuke moves closer, but doesn't make further contact. How does he always know just what to do? How does he know the line that I've drawn between too much and not enough, when even I don't know where that is?

"Shh," he says soothingly. "Shh, Naruto. Answer my questions, alright?"

I nod.

"You love me, right?"

"Yes," I reply immediately.

"In what way?"

This question is not about him. It's about me. It may as well have been someone else instead of him. "In every way. I… your smile, your voice, your – your eyes… heart and soul, mind and body. Everything. It's you, Sasuke." I grip his hand tightly.

"Your body hasn't been sated yet," he says, voice soft. "In almost every way, our relationship is whole. But we've been missing that last piece for a while, and now your body has realized that space exists, and wants to fill it. What is it that holds you back?"

"Gender," I breathe.

He thinks this over thoroughly before responding.

"I understand," he says simply, and I believe him. He knows exactly why I'm afraid. He didn't just say that because he wants to make me feel better – he really, truly does understand everything that's stopping me. When we began, Sasuke said that gender doesn't really matter when it comes to the person you love. And that's very true. But if you want to love someone in body as well, you can't forget gender forever. I've come to get to know Sasuke's defined jawline, Sasuke's fiery eyes, Sasuke's perfect nose and thin lips and beautiful hair, his soft skin and his lean stature and his smooth back and his neck and shoulders and collarbone and arms and hands and fingertips. I know them very well, as well as I know my own body, because he's mapped all of that out for me too. But, besides the subtle differences, all those parts of a man belong to women as well.

"If my gender became obsolete, if it remained irrelevant," he says quietly, "would you no longer be afraid?"

I consider it. I don't know how, but I know he can do it. I trust him.

"I think so," I whisper.

He closes his eyes – although I can't see him, I know this. "Then what do you want to do now?"

I take a deep breath. I've stopped shaking. I sit up and look into his eyes, and he radiates absolute devotion. I close my eyes, then stand, leading him with my hand. I carefully back into the wall, touching it with my free hand before pressing my back against it. Then, wordlessly, without a single touch – with only my gaze – I draw Sasuke into a kiss, something slow and careful, but filled to the brim with love. His kiss tells me, trust me, I'll help you. I melt into him, replying, lead me, I'll follow you anywhere.

I close my eyes and let his presence flood me as he presses his cheek against mine – I can feel his eyelashes brush my skin; they're so soft, so light – and draws his tongue across the shell of my ear. His teeth graze my earlobe ever so slightly, then give a little nip. My fingers dance up his spine, and he takes the cue to press onward, trailing kisses down the side of my neck. Gradually he begins to nudge up the heat, biting harder, sucking in just the right spots. Soon my shoulders and neck are littered with red marks.

Sasuke pulls back and smiles at me, a look that dissolves all my doubts and makes my heart sprout wings. I meet his lips again, sliding my tongue against his, saying, keep going, don't ever stop. His hands begin to roam, fluttering down my arms, dragging the fabric of my shirt along my back before dipping under it. I arch into his touch when his fingers make contact with my skin, and he traces my spine upward with his thumb, the rest of his fingers following along my back. He pulls my shirt off, his fingers leaving trails of fire in their wake, ruffling my hair as the clothing comes over my head. I hastily pull his shirt off too, then he drags me sideways onto my bed, following on top of me.

He pauses for a moment on all fours, looking into my eyes. He wants to speak, to ask if I'm okay with this, but he doesn't want to break the silence if I don't want it broken. So I speak first.

"Sasuke," I breathe. "Don't stop. Don't you dare stop."

He closes his eyes, lips stretching into another smile. "I'll keep going right to the end."

I shiver at his words. "Keep talking," I say, bringing him against my body.

Sasuke makes use of his hands again, blazing lines of nonsense across my heated skin. "This is what you want," he murmurs into my ear. "I can tell. Naruto, I can read you. Does that please you? To know I can give you what you want without you having to tell me?"

"Yes," I whisper, "yes."

"To know that we're linked beyond words, that we just _know_ each other. That's why I know you want this." His thumb rubs circles around my hip bone, fingers playing at my side. With his free hand he grabs mine and locks our fingers together. I squeeze his hand hard. "Right now, this time, let me take you where you want. I will fulfil your every need, your every desire. Let me have you, Naruto."

I crane my neck and pull his earlobe into my mouth. "Take me."

His nimble fingers follow my waistband, finding the button of my jeans. He deftly works it free, then pulls the zipper down over my already straining erection. I inhale sharply as the movement of my clothes presses against it. He trails his fingers against my stomach for a moment, tracing down my belly button, then dips them under my boxers.

I shudder and gasp, eyes flying open, unable to stop the shout that forces itself out of my throat when his fingertips brush my erection. I swear Sasuke's heart skips a beat against my chest as my hips jerk upwards. His hand continues deeper inward until his fingers are wrapped securely around my shaft.

"Does it feel good?" he mumbles into my ear. "Is this what you wanted?"

"Yes, oh, Sasuke – Sasuke—" I roll my hips, hissing as I gain some of the fiery friction that makes my mind go blank for a moment. Slowly, so slowly, his hand slides upwards, thumb pushing against the underside of my erection. He slides right up to the end, then starts back down again. My remaining hand grabs a hold of his back, my fingers curling, nails digging into his skin. He likes it – I know he does, and that sends a fiery thrill through me. Gradually his pace begins to increase, building that intoxicating heat.

"Sas-Sasuke…"

"I know." He swipes his thumb down the slit at the head of my cock, and my hips begin to rock into his movements, doubling the speed. He purrs, "It's better when I do it, right? Feeling my body so close to yours, and knowing it's my hand on your cock—"

The rest of his words are washed out in a rush of white; all I can hear is the sound of his voice in indistinct noises as everything blanks out. Sasuke is still pumping when I come back to myself, slowly bringing me down. He stops completely and removes his hand. I take a moment to regain my breath.

"You talk dirty," I breathe.

"You like it," he replies, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards. Then he adds, "You came fast."

My face flushes a little. "It's not my fault you're so good at this."

He smiles. I meet his eyes, and I feel as though my heart is about to overflow with emotions. He presses the simplest, sweetest kiss to my lips, and I sigh contentedly.

"Thanks, Sasuke," I murmur against his mouth. "For everything."

* * *

I don't know about you as readers, but as a writer I found this particular scene much more satisfying than a lemon in a one-shot. Maybe it's because Naruto and Sasuke in this fanfiction are so very dear to me. Don't get me wrong, I love one-shots; they're the only fanfiction I read (which is bad – don't follow my example, kids!), but the longer I spend on a character, the more heart I put into them, the more they become linked to me, and the more I feel what they feel. You know, emotionally.

R+F


	35. Picture Perfect

Sasuke gets up and walks to the bathroom. He tosses me a towel. "Clean up. I'm going to shower."

"Can't it wait?" I ask, reaching an arm out in his direction. "Come back here, please?"

He just smiles at me. "Sorry, but it can't wait." And he closes the door.

I sigh and turn back. Evidence of my release is all over my stomach; I hastily clean myself off with the towel, then toss it into the basket to be washed later. A shower would be ideal, but since Sasuke's in there already, I let it go.

I don't want to think about anything right now. I close my eyes and replay the moment, over and over again. It's a little embarrassing, but that's more than made up for. If only Sasuke was still here, right next to me, everything would be perfect. I feel a little resentment towards him for thinking a shower could ever be more important than being here with me. He can shower later, can't he?

Well, I can't do anything about it now. I close my eyes and sigh again, feeling peaceful. I could drift like this forever, just lie back and dream of Sasuke. Sometimes he's selfish, and sometimes he cares about me more than he cares about himself. I feel so close to him in every way, and yet I don't know that much about him…

That's true, isn't it? Sasuke never does talk much about himself. I'm content to wait until he's ready to talk about his brother, though. It's not something you can press. He said he wanted to go into law, to get revenge on Itachi. Again, that detail's hazy to me until I know why. He mentioned his family collectively once as far as I can remember, and he never talked about his parents individually. I never thought to question it because I have no parents to recall to him. Family…

When I hear the bathroom door open, I tilt my head far enough back to look at Sasuke in his boxers, his hair still dripping and a towel thrown over his head.

"Ne, Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"When's your birthday?"

He blinks at me in surprise.

"I… never did find out," I say, a little embarrassed. "I mean, you knew mine already, so I didn't have to tell you, but…"

"July 23rd."

"Oh." I repeat it in my mind, making sure to mark it as important so that I won't forget it. "That's after exams."

"Summer, yes." Roughly towelling his hair, he sits down on the edge of my bed. I sit up and situate myself behind him, then relieve him of the task, drying his hair more thoroughly. He relaxes and closes his eyes.

"What can I get you for your birthday?" I muse, mostly to myself. "No way could I afford something like the necklaces."

"You don't have to get me anything," he says.

"Don't be like that. I want to get you something."

"I already have everything I want."

I raise an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

Sasuke leans back, his head in my lap, and reaches up to take my face between his hands.

"Yes, right here."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes at how corny this is, but it makes me happy anyway. I lean down and kiss him.

"So," he mutters, his smile less than an inch away from mine, "any special plans for today?"

"Speci – oh." I straighten up, remembering the date. "Well… I figured Valentine's Day wasn't really made for us."

"Oh, really?"

"I mean, you don't like chocolate much, and today's supposed to be the day that girls give stuff to boys. In case you hadn't noticed, Sasuke, neither of us is a girl."

"How can you be so sure?" he jokes.

"Well, given that this hand—" I grab his right wrist, suddenly feeling very strange when I remember that Sasuke's hand was on my… manhood… before it ended up on my cheek "—was doing more than just touching the proof that I'm a guy—" I blush as Sasuke's smirk widens "—the only one left who could be a girl would be the teme whose head is in my lap," I finish pointedly, jabbing him in the forehead with a finger.

He chuckles. "Oh, that's dirty, dobe."

"Only if you make it!" I retort. "Get offa me."

"No," he says pleasantly. Before I can stop him, he reaches out and grabs my ass. I jump.

"Teme!"

"Love you too," he replies, his fingers sliding under my waistband. I finally snatch his hand away from me, making sure to get the other one as well before it can continue what the first was doing. I hold Sasuke's wrists together and glare at him; he just smiles back with that superior look on his face. It's a bit of a disadvantage that I find that face so damn attractive.

"Fuck you," I mutter, attacking his lips. His kiss has a smile to it.

—

"You know," Sasuke says as we get our clothes on to go to breakfast, "I've always sort of disliked Valentine's Day."

"Tell me about it," I agree darkly.

"Not for the same reasons that you would."

" 'S'at so?"

"Well." He hesitates. "I mean, why do you dislike it?"

"Dunno, 'cause I've always been single? Sakura-chan's the only person who's ever given me chocolate. It made me really happy, but still, Valentine's Day just reminds me how alone I am." I sigh, then lace my fingers with Sasuke's. He understands.

"I hate it for the opposite reason," he explains, sounding apologetic.

This confuses me for a moment, but then I realize what he means – as popular as he is, he's probably swarmed with chocolates every year from girls he doesn't even know, much less like. You would think this was a good thing, but I know Sasuke better than that, and I've had my share of fangirl-swarming. It's just not cool.

He rubs the middle of my palm with this thumb. I understand.

—

We go out for breakfast, finding a nice little place not too far from the school. We spend the morning out, just walking around, then return to the school for lunch. Sasuke's feelings on Valentine's Day become a little too clear to me the moment we step into the cafeteria.

We're surrounded immediately, trapped in the middle of a circle of squeaking girls like wolves around rabbits – except these wolves are intent only on loading their prey with chocolate. Sasuke takes control of the situation with what seems to be practiced efficiency. Before I know it, he's sent the mob packing, looking distinctly put out.

"H…how'd you do that?" I ask when I overcome my disbelief.

He shrugs.

Sakura-chan finds us while we're eating and sits down to chat briefly. She gives us a single box of chocolates, a joint gift, which we take readily (I notice scowls from some of the girls who see this).

"So," she says cheerily, "how are you two going to celebrate? Doing anything special?"

My face reddens despite my attempts to show no reaction. Truth is, "special" already happened. Oh, yes, it was special.

"Naruto?" Sakura-chan peers into my face.

"Nothing," I blurt out.

"Uh…"

"We haven't thought of anything," Sasuke says. I relax and silently thank him for covering for me.

Sakura-chan raises an eyebrow. "Is that so? Naruto's reaction indicates otherwise." She thinks I reacted to the thought of our plans for the day. She doesn't know about this morning, right? She couldn't. No one does. Still, I feel distinctly embarrassed when I look at Sasuke and remember what we did.

Sasuke glances over at me, smirks, and puts an arm across my shoulders in an almost possessive gesture. His fingers are light against my shoulder, but my skin tingles underneath my clothes at his touch. "Well, if we have, that's business between us," he replies enigmatically.

Sakura-chan giggles at this. "Okay, okay. I'll leave you two lovebirds to your 'business.' Have a good day, Naruto, Sasuke-kun." She smiles and, with a wave, leaves us.

"Teme…" I growl.

"Hm?" he says pleasantly.

" 'Business between us' has already happened today," I mutter. "You didn't have to make her assume things. She's a girl, after all – her shounen-ai mind will be running wild."

"Let it. It won't be so far from the truth."

"Sasuke!"

He laughs lightly. His fingers trail over my shoulders as he draws his arm back. A thrill runs down my spine.

"Don't get too excited now," he says. "We're still in public, after all."

My blush deepens. Through gritted teeth I say warningly, "Sasuke…"

"Okay, okay." He stands. "Shall we retire to more private places?"

—

I follow Sasuke uncomfortably as we return to the dorm. After that overall embarrassing chat I feel distinctly self-aware, as though everyone around us knows our secret. Sasuke seems all too relaxed for this; in fact, I suspect he's amused by my discomfort.

"No sympathy, huh?" I mutter.

He ignores this and smiles. "It's quite cold. It'll be nice to get inside and warm up."

There's definitely an innuendo to that. "Sometimes I wonder if you're enjoying this more than I am."

"How could I?" He leaves the explanation unsaid, but I know it – how could he, when I was the one getting all the pleasure?

"How long have you been waiting for this?"

He freezes. I stop behind him, instantly regretting asking. It wasn't a completely innocent question – I was aware of the seriousness behind it – but I asked it in passing, which I shouldn't have done. I used the wrong tone, like wearing a nightgown to prom.

"Uh—" I begin, but before I can go on, before I can tell him never mind, before I can figure out a better way to say it can wait until we're more comfortable talking about it, a cold speck lands on my nose. Distracted, I brush it off, then notice the white flakes swirling from the sky.

"Snow," I say.

Sasuke nods. "Snow."

It falls lightly, floating earthward like minuscule feathers on this windless day. The sky is a span of white. It's as if it's shedding flecks of itself, casting them down on us. I glance over at Sasuke. His black hair is dusted with white snow; more flakes cling to his dark jacket, gathering on his shoulders. Somehow, I think to myself, he's even more beautiful this way. With his hands resting in his pockets and his passive, bright eyes fixed on some distant point that may not be in this world, it's as if he melds into the scene, a perfect fit, the last puzzle piece. It's then that I realize snow is his element. Pure white coldness, gentle, a striking contrast to the black that embodies him.

Picture perfect.

A shiver, not from the cold, travels down my spine and spreads through my body. As much as I'd like to have him hold that pose forever, the sudden urge to touch him overwhelms that desire. So, pulling him by the hand, I briskly resume walking. He quickly catches his feet and we hurry home.

I fumble with the keys, impatient. When we finally get in, I close the door behind my back and Sasuke immediately pins me against it, descending into an open-mouthed kiss. His breath enters my mouth a split second before his tongue does, and I lock him in battle, a thrilling spar that tingles as though I were fighting with my whole body. Hands fly, finding whatever skin is available – not much, with the cold we had to shield against. I reach under his collar, searching for more, and his fingers yank the zipper of my jacket loose before he pushes it off impatiently. It lands on the floor behind my feet with a thump, but I've already cast it out of my mind in favour of working out Sasuke's buttons. He joins my quest from the bottom, and we meet up in the middle. After his jacket comes his shirt, and then there's nothing to stop me. As my hands are given free reign over the skin of his chest, his back, his arms, I hear a click behind me – I'd forgotten to lock the door. Sasuke's hand goes from the lock to the hem of my shirt, and I discard all awareness of the outside world.

Someone knocks on the door.


	36. The Drive

We both freeze. I can feel the wood resonating against my back as the person knocks again.

Somehow, we're not as flustered as the time we were interrupted by Sai months ago. As I'm still wearing my shirt, I look a little less suspicious of the two of us, and so I'm wordlessly appointed the one to open the door. Sasuke checks to make sure I don't look too dishevelled, then makes for the washroom. No one will care if he's shirtless in his own dorm, so I open the door.

It's Takeo, our neighbour. His eyes are pulled briefly over my shoulder, where Sasuke disappears into the bathroom, then he looks at me.

"Tsunade-sensei wants to see you. You and Uchiha-san. In her office, in twenty minutes."

I blink. "Oh," I say finally.

He turns to leave.

"Why?" I call.

He shrugs. "Dunno." Then he's gone.

Sasuke emerges as soon as I close the door. He's frowning.

"That's suspicious," he says.

"You think so too?"

It's evidently something to do with our relationship, because there's no other reason to call us both. But it can't be all personal – after all, Tsunade no baa-chan is our principal, not our mother. And it also begs the question, who tipped her off?

Sasuke and I make ourselves presentable and head for the main building, hand in hand. We don't talk. We let go when we reach the front hall.

Tsunade no baa-chan is sitting behind her desk as usual. She waves us to chairs opposite her and we sit.

"Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun. How are you two getting along?" she asks.

"Fine," I say.

"No troubles? No arguments?"

"Nothing unfixable."

"Good."

"What is it you want to talk to us for?" Sasuke asks politely.

She sighs, unable to postpone it any longer. "I've heard concerns from some that your dormitory arrangement may not be, as it is, entirely appropriate."

I sit still, but inside I flare with anger and panic. Was it this morning? Did someone hear us? Was it Takeo? Would he have told us himself that we were to go to Tsunade no baa-chan if he'd been the one to complain?

"Why is that?" Sasuke asks, ever stoic.

"As I'm sure you know, it's related to your relationship. Male and female dormitories are separated for the same reason some feel you two should be."

"We're not going to do anything inappropriate," I tell her.

She nods. "I know you don't mean to, but the fact is that some students feel uncomfortable knowing that a couple is inhabiting the same room. It would be the same for a boy and a girl."

"I swear we won't disturb anyone. We're not about to do…" I flush. "We won't do anything. Please, Tsunade no baa-chan, don't separate us."

The principal smiles. "Funny, Naruto-kun, just a few months ago I believe you came here asking the very opposite."

Sasuke's gaze flicks to me. I adamantly refuse to meet his eye, feeling a little resentful towards Tsunade no baa-chan for mentioning it.

"Five months is a long time," I say quietly but firmly. "Please, don't separate us."

She looks at me carefully for a moment before speaking. "Very well. I'll allow you to remain in the same room, but if I hear any more concerns I will have to split you. I'm already being lenient."

I nod gratefully. "Thanks."

"To be honest, I'm glad you two are getting along so well. For yourselves, and for the students. You're setting a good example."

I know what she means. Sasuke, probably the most popular boy in our year, and me, the Jinchuuriki and known throughout the town, let alone the school. We hated each other, and everyone knew it. Anyone can love.

"If you don't mind my asking," Sasuke says, "who is it who expressed concern about this?"

"That is strictly confidential," she replies, though not unkindly.

He nods, as though he hadn't expected to get an answer anyway. "Was it several people?"

A slight pause.

"No."

He sits back, satisfied.

"Well, that's all," says Tsunade no baa-chan. "Have a good Valentine's Day, you two."

—

"D'you think it was Takeo?" Sasuke asks the moment the office door closes behind us.

I frown. "I don't know. Do you… do you think he heard us this morning?" I mutter, unable to say it any louder.

"Heard you, you mean?" he says, then laughs as I flush dark red. Squeezing my hand comfortingly, he says, "No, I don't think so. The walls aren't soundproof, but I know how loud you have to be to be heard in the next room. It's usually relatively quiet, and Takeo's had his share of dorm room parties."

He's so confident in this that I relax, feeling better.

"Still, we'll have to watch ourselves next time," he goes on. "As long as we're careful it should be okay."

"Next time?" I repeat, blushing again.

"Yes, next time." He smiles comfortingly, and I can't help feeling better. Then his smile fades.

"You… went to Tsunade-sensei to ask for a dorm change?"

I look at him. He's avoiding my eyes, a frown in his.

"…Yeah."

A hundred things are said without a word in the next silence. It was before October, I say. You hated me that much, he replies. But that's long past, we both tell each other, and there's no use dwelling on a memory that hasn't affected our future – our present. It's with a renewed happiness that we go home together.

—

We open the chocolates Sakura-chan gave us after dinner. I immediately pick one out and eat it.

"These are really good," I say in mild surprise.

"Are you that excited?" says Sasuke with a smirk.

Ignoring him, I go on. "It's an assortment. Here, there's a card that says what they are. You like orange chocolate, don't you, Sasuke?"

He raises his eyebrows. "Relatively."

"Whatever that means. Here, have this one." I offer the box to him, indicating the piece.

"You eat it."

"What? Why?"

"Just eat it, dobe."

Before I even know what's going on, he stuffs it in my mouth, unflinchingly sticking his finger in as well just to make sure I eat the chocolate. I bite his finger in retaliation and he snatches it back again, laughing.

Through the chocolate I ask, "Why would you make me eat it if you like it?"

"So I can do this," he smirks, and leans forward.

His tongue plunges between my lips and I'm flooded with flavours. The taste of the chocolate combined with his own taste is layered with subtleties. He licks along my teeth, the roof of my mouth, the insides of my cheeks. I can tell he's enjoying the mix of flavours even more than I am, so I let him lap up the melted chocolate until all that remains is the aftertaste.

When he finally breaks the contact, I mutter into his mouth, breathless, "You would've gotten more if you ate it yourself."

"But I like teasing you."

"Hmph." I pick a rich, marbled white-and-milk chocolate and press it into his mouth. He doesn't protest, allowing me to return the favour. We continue this game for a while; it makes eating the chocolates that much more enjoyable. Sasuke makes us save the rest for later, insisting that we keep them to do this again some other day. I don't argue. At least it gets him eating some of the chocolates.

After that we bundle up and head out for what Sasuke calls a romantic walk by the river. I can't help scoffing at this, but he looks so much the part in his jacket and blanket-sized scarf with puffs of warm air blooming in front of his face that it doesn't matter anyway. It's too cold not to wear gloves, but I don't like them – separating my fingers only makes them colder – so I put my arm through his and stuff my hands in my pockets, where it's warmer anyway. It's stopped snowing, and already what's left on the ground has begun to melt. Well, considering it took this long to get any snow at all, I'm not surprised.

We stop at a little park, sitting at a bench on the bridge and looking out at the river, which flows away from us as though leaving us to be alone together. Glancing around, I find that there's no one nearby. We're away from the main streets, the bustle of traffic only a distant murmur.

"Alone together," I muse. "Weird, isn't it, Sasuke? How can you be alone if you're with someone?"

"Alone is a relative term, dobe," he replies.

"Hmm." I slide forward on the bench so that I'm slouching and my head is at just the right level to lean against Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke says nothing of my actions, and after a moment he tilts his head a little so that it's on top of mine. It's something like a hug. I smile.

"I like alone together," I whisper.

"Me too."

—

When I wake up next Saturday morning, the first thing I notice is that Sasuke's not in the room. The second thing I notice is the post-it note stuck to my forehead. I pull it off and read, in Sasuke's sweeping handwriting: _Gone to get breakfast._

Then a deep voice assaults my mind.

"_By all nine of my tails!"_ Kyuubi curses loudly, like a microphone giving too much feedback in a set of speakers. I instinctively flinch and cover my ears, though that does nothing at all.

"What the fuck do _you_ want?" I growl.

"_Brat, you know how long it took me to recover from that? Whenever I thought I could come back and talk to you, you had to go and make out with the Uchiha boy again, didn't you? All week I've been waiting. Don't think I can't tell what you're doing just because it makes me cringe,"_ he adds. _"I know what you were up to Valentine's morning."_

Despite myself, my face turns bright red and my eyes widen in horror. "No shit, Sherlock," I hiss. There's no point in being embarrassed around Kyuubi – he may as well be me, for all that I can separate from him. But still, I'm embarrassed even when I'm alone.

"_Teenagers,"_ he sighs emphatically, like an old geezer with no patience for youth. _"Teenage boys especially. Always. Fucking. Horny."_

I don't know if he's goading me or just complaining because I'm the only one to complain to, but it sure is making me feel the way I would if someone ripped off all my clothes in front of the whole school. Since Kyuubi has no physical form for me to lash at, I bury my face in the pillow and roar, digging my fingers into the edge of the mattress.

"_You're angry with me because you know it's true,"_ he goes on, and now he's definitely saying it to piss me off. _"Boys are horny, what can ya do? It's not like girls have wet dreams."_

"I bet they do," I snarl. "They just don't have to show it."

"_Right. That means they don't wake up with a boner they can't hide from their boyfriend – girlfriend – whatever."_

"Why the fuck am I having this conversation with you?" I snap. "You sound more like a horny teenager than me."

"_Oh, no. Like I said, demons don't mate. We're immortal; we're magical beings. No need to reproduce. There's no one out there for me."_ He says it as though commenting on the weather. I have no sympathy for his loneliness.

"Fuck off. I don't wanna talk to your ugly mug."

"_You can't even see my ugly mug!" _he says, laughing like a coyote.

I roll onto my side and block out Kyuubi's deep, booming voice, then shove my hand down my pants. Closing my eyes and fixing my mind on an image of Sasuke, I close my fingers around my member and will the quick-spreading fire to extinguish Kyuubi's presence. It does so easily, then continues onward, feeding my imagination, setting a memory-Sasuke against my lips, along my neck, over my chest.

"Mmn… Sasuke." The sound of my own voice, of Sasuke's name, makes the images flare stronger in my mind; my imaginary Sasuke drags his fingers down my stomach, circles the base of my cock, and covers my hand with his, guiding my strokes.

A hot mouth – realer, wetter, and oh so much better than any dream – presses against mine. I gasp as a hand slides mine out of the way and continues my work, and the pleasure doubles, briefly washing all sanity from me.

"S-Sasuke," I breathe, barely able to utter a word, and not just because his mouth is occupying mine.

"Fuck, you're hot," he murmurs. My heart pounds hormones into my blood so quickly that it hurts. "Don't you go jerking off while I'm not around, dobe."

"Teme… if you're – haah – not here, then – then who else will do it?"

"I won't let anyone else do it." He squeezes lightly and every colour flares brighter in my vision as my lungs take too much air.

"Then hurry – shit—" I bite hard into his shoulder, and he grips even tighter in reaction, pumping so fast that all time becomes a blur of pleasure until I plunge right into the climax, tingling with bliss.

"Tisk, tisk, dobe," comes Sasuke's voice, dim as though heard through a foggy haze, but slowly becoming clearer. "I leave you for ten minutes and come back to find you having fun without me."

Panting, all I can do is give him my best glare. It doesn't faze him in the slightest.

"If it's not too much to ask," he says casually – as if I could deny him anything after that – "what exactly brought this about?"

"Oh." I turn my gaze to the wall. "Well, y'know, ever since we figured out that Kyuubi's repelled by affection…"

He frowns. "Kyuubi's back?"

"Yeah. First time since last week." All this past week, Sasuke and I have been nigh inseparable. The only things that keep us apart are my bio and his literature class and various washroom trips. Kyuubi hasn't bothered me since before Valentine's Day.

"Hn. We'll just have to work harder to keep him down, won't we?" Sasuke says with a knowing smirk.

I roll my eyes. "Wanna get me a towel?"

"No need." At my raised eyebrow, Sasuke holds up a hand. Everything from my collarbone up goes bright red. He bursts out laughing.

"S-_Sasuke_!"

"It's more convenient than having to wipe yourself down every time."

"But – but—!"

"Don't worry about it, usuratonkachi." He uses his clean hand to ruffle my hair. "I'm gonna go wash this off, hm?"

I'm frozen, unable to move a muscle, until I hear the bathroom door click shut. Then I roll onto my stomach and shove my burning face into the pillow.


	37. Dirty Little Secret

Yes, I do happen to like quoting songs for my chapter titles, why do you ask?

* * *

It feels really weird, walking the halls and being in class after what Sasuke and I have gone through. I feel like everyone should be staring at us – at me – in shock and disbelief, like we've done something unthinkable and taboo, which we have, as far as I'm concerned.

But it's not like that. No one notices us. No one acts weird. It's as if nothing happened at all.

When I tell Sasuke about this (after I glance around the grounds to make sure no one's nearby), he just laughs as if I'm being ridiculous. Well, maybe I am, but there's no harm in being a little paranoid, right? As long as it ensures word doesn't get out. I might die of embarrassment if it does. Dating another guy is one thing, but sexual relations?

"Don't worry about it, okay?" Sasuke says, snapping me out of my train of thought. He puts a finger to his smiling lips. "It's our secret."

"Even if you say that…"

I frown, and before I can stop him he leans in for a quick kiss on the lips. "To the world," he says, slipping his arm around my waist, "our love is innocent."

"Hardly," I scoff, sticking my arm under his hand and putting it around his middle as well, if only because it's more comfortable than having my arm hanging around when his is in the way. "Making out all over the school during the Christmas festival isn't exactly innocent, teme."

"Innocent passion."

"With our hands all over each other."

"Stop finding flaws and just enjoy it," says Sasuke. His hand falls from my waist and slides across my ass. I flinch and jump away from him.

"We're in _public_, Sasuke," I hiss.

He smirks. "So in private is okay?"

"That's not the point!" I snap, reddening. "And for your information, no, it's not."

"Anyway, it's cold." I glare at him for changing the topic, even though I always get jumpy about talking about things like that. "We should head inside."

—

It comforts me a little that we abstain from going too far for the next little while. It helps push the previous instances out of my mind, and as they fade into memories, I become more accustomed to the fact that they happened at all. It becomes a separate entity, a second life. After a while it doesn't even cross my mind while I'm in public. The only time it becomes more than a passing thought is when interactions between me and Sasuke, always within the privacy of our dorm room, heat up. Still, Sasuke never tries to push farther than what we used to do. Although I can't say it, I'm infinitely grateful. And he knows.

"Naruto-kun."

I turn in my seat in bio class. Sai smiles that practiced smile and raises a hand in greeting.

"Oh. Hey, Sai." I check my watch – still ten minutes before class starts. I get comfortable, putting an elbow on my desk and one on his.

"I haven't talked to you in a while," says Sai pleasantly. Sai's always been harder to read than the others. I can't tell when he's hiding something and when he's being completely innocent.

"Ah, yeah. Sorry about that," I say, rubbing the back of my head. "It's just, you know… I promised Sasuke we'd spend the winter holiday week together, and we got closer and stuff, and, well…"

"And now it's March." He stops me before I can speak again. "There's no need to apologize. Maybe none of us can really sympathize because we're all single." He laughs at this. "But we understand. We're happy for you, Naruto-kun."

He puts a hand over mine. I look at it, then at him. Then I pull my hand away. "I'm sorry, Sai."

He knows what I'm talking about. "I don't blame you."

"There's nothing I can do, but I still feel guilty."

"Don't."

I realize I'm staring into space, and turn my gaze on my hand instead, not wanting to look at him. "You'll find someone."

He's silent. I imagine he's thinking of something to say to that, but instead he says, "Why don't we get together tonight? All of us. Sasuke-san too, if he likes."

"Sasuke doesn't seem to like group activities. But I'll ask. What'd'you wanna do?"

"Watch a movie, maybe. Movie nights are usually Thursdays, but we can make an exception."

"Sure. I'll text the others."

I send out a quick text message, then turn off my phone as Kakashi-sensei walks in.

After class, I walk with Sai back to the dorm building, having told the others we'd be meeting at the front of the building. We chat about trivial things, and it reminds me of how much I've missed. I never really felt like I was missing anything, when I was with Sasuke. Maybe it's because I found something better and assumed that could replace what I was leaving behind. It makes me feel bad to say there's something better than my friends, but if I think about it, it's the truth of my feelings.

A hand on my shoulder makes me stop and turn on the path.

"Hey, dobe." Sasuke smiles.

"Hey, teme."

His hand falls down my arm into my hand, and we resume walking.

"We're all gonna go out and see a movie tonight; wanna come?"

He shrugs. "Sure. What movie?"

I turn to Sai.

"I don't know what's out," he says. "We'll go and see."

To my relief, Sasuke keeps his hands (and mouth) mostly to himself as we wait outside for the others. He gets in a touch when he can, slipping his arm around my waist at one point (and although my response of putting my arm over his shoulders is mostly to look more normal, I'll admit I enjoy the closeness), but mostly he stays civil.

Kiba greets us (me) with an overwhelming amount of enthusiasm. Everyone else seems pretty pleased to be getting together again too, so it's in high spirits that we head for the bus stop, Sasuke and I hand in hand. I chat with the others, feeling as though everything that makes me happy is right here – I can hang out with my friends and be close to Sasuke at the same time. Although Sasuke says very little, just being linked to him by the hand is enough.

We review the movie choices and, after a lot of argument, pick a mecha anime. (Apparently Neji likes mechas. I don't mind them; they can be pretty cool sometimes, but I never knew he _liked_ them.) It's not due to start for another half an hour, so we file into the food line and grab drinks and several bags of popcorn. The theatre is already half-full by the time we get there; there isn't enough space for all of us to sit together, so Sai, Kiba, and Neji sit in one row, and Gaara, Shikamaru, Sasuke and I take the seats behind them in the row above. Whether by coincidence or planning, Sasuke ends up at the end of the four of us next to me, the farthest in from the aisle.

"So," he says close to my ear, loud enough to be heard over the chatter but low enough to be discreet, "dark theatre, large distraction in the form of a screen, loud noises… What are the chances of this being a typical movie date?"

I stare at him with an eyebrow raised. "You mean the 'we're not here for the movie, we're only here to make out' typical movie date? Well for one thing, I wanna watch the movie, and for another, we don't need a populated theatre for privacy."

"True, true. It is cutting into our 'privacy' time, though."

"We've got the rest of our lives, teme."

He pauses, and his next words are even softer. "The rest of our lives?"

I flush, glad for the dim lighting. "Hopefully. I hope so."

He smiles and takes my hand. "The rest of our lives, then. Let's not waste any time."

—

Animated movies are always better than shows in my opinion, partly because of the limited budget for TV series, and this movie is no exception. As per usual, the first part of the movie passes with us making excessive amounts of comments to each other, and then as we get more into it, there's less talking. It's not exactly what you would call a romantic movie – there is, of course, the mandatory guy-gets-girl scenario, with enough drama to entertain but not enough to drive the movie off its action genre – but at one point Sasuke slips his hand under the armrest and takes mine, and not long after I find myself having slid so far down in my chair that it's not only easy but comfortable to rest my head on Sasuke's shoulder. Maybe this is what movie dates should be like (given that you're not the type of couple who needs to retreat to the theatres to make out). I for one know I'm content.

The end of the movie is – well, I wouldn't call it jarring, but it's always a little surprising to be pulled out of a dramatic world by the end credits and the lights coming back on. I pull myself upright, then stand, stretching and yawning. Sasuke pokes me in the side and I flinch, hissing.

"What are you, a cat?" he asks, laughing.

"Dammit, teme! Don't do that!"

"It was so easy, though."

"I was _stretching_!"

"You guys can bicker outside," Gaara says. "Come on, don't stand there waiting for the credits to end."

We file out of the theatre and into the open air. The night's still young, so we find a place to eat. After filling up, we stand around on the sidewalk under the light of the lamp posts, wondering what to do next.

"We could go back," says Neji, "but that would be boring."

"Yeah. What about the arcade?" Shikamaru suggests.

"This teme doesn't like the arcade," I inform him, glaring at Sasuke.

He shrugs as a substitute for apologizing, then offers a suggestion, since he's ruining Shikamaru's. "Why don't we go train-hopping?"


	38. The Meshing of Worlds

The chapter title sounds like it belongs in a fantasy novel. I know it's exaggerating, but it fits well enough.

* * *

"How do you know about train-hopping?" Kiba asks Sasuke at the station as we stand around waiting for the subway to come.

"This dobe told me," he replies, raising an amused eyebrow at me.

"See, but once you've been hopping for long enough, you know the routes," says Neji. "If you take the subway a lot, you get to know where it stops. Yes, all the lines," he adds. "The trick is not to pay attention. We have to distract ourselves while on the subway, and get off whenever we remember to."

We distract ourselves by playing various stupid games, such as the game where you try not to think about penguins, or the "who's the least competitive" competition. They amuse us for long enough, although by the time we get off not a minute goes by without someone groaning in frustration and yelling "Penguins!", which of course gets us some pretty weird looks.

The first place we come to is the market. We spend nearly an hour looking at the cool stuff they have, then return to the subway. We hop to a little shopping district, the Museum of Technological Trinkets (I swear it's called that!), and the monument for the founder of Konoha that sits in the middle of a tight curve of the river. Then, finding we're close to Stoneheads, we decide to aim for it next.

As we approach the entrance, we spot some Konoha High students speeding out. One of them, a tall girl with a long ponytail of dead-straight black hair, stops when she sees us.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun!" She glances at the door as though expecting someone to burst out of it.

"What's the big rush?" I ask.

She looks around shiftily. "Uh… well, if you really wanna know… Tsunade-sensei's in there."

"_What?_" several voices shout around me.

"What's she doing?" I ask the girl, hoping against hope that it's not what I think it is.

"Has she found us out?" Kiba asks. "All us students, I mean."

"No, no, that's not it at all! She's—" The girl puts a hand to her mouth and giggles. "She's totally _hammered_."

I can sense the shock of everyone around me, but it's exactly what I was afraid of.

"Damn, Tsunade no baa-chan," I mutter. Louder I say, "Thanks for the info, uh…"

"Name's Takeda Sui," she says. "You're welcome." With a smile and a wave, she departs. I watch her go, her hair flying in the vicious wind.

"_Man_ she's hot!" Kiba says with a grin. "Naruto, you are so lucky. I swear every girl in the school knows your name."

"Sucks for them I'm gay, then, huh?" I laugh.

"Yeah, but lucky for the rest of us," he smirks, nudging me lightly with his elbow. "Eh?"

I roll my eyes, amused. "I'm not gonna play matchmaker for you, Kiba. It's up to you to find a girl – or a guy, if that's the case – hey, don't blow up at me now, I'm just saying! It's up to you to find someone you like for who they are, not what they look like."

Sasuke's arms find their way around my waist. "Not that your opinion is any good, since you got both ends of the deal."

"Egotistic bastard," I grin, reaching back to screw up his hair.

"You know I'm sexy."

"_Any_way," says Shikamaru loudly, "we can't go in there while the principal's there…"

"Why would she go to a dance club anyway?" Gaara asks, sounding sceptical. "There are other bars, and everyone knows the Stoneheads is mostly populated by youth."

"Yeah, and Tsunade no baa-chan ain't exactly young," I mutter.

"Well, she's not that old," Sai argues. "She doesn't look over thirty or so."

I laugh. "Oh, trust me. She's not as young as she looks."

"Well I wanna see what she looks like when she's drunk!" Kiba exclaims. "It'd be hilarious! Imagine half the school knowing. It'd have to be the best kept secret ever, 'cause talking about her drunk would be admitting we were here."

"We could wait for her to come out if you really wanna see her," says Gaara. "It's not like she can sit there all night."

"You don't want to see her drunk," I warn them.

"What, have you?"

I look around at everyone staring at me intently.

"…Yeah," I say finally.

"Really?" They're amazed. "When? What's she like?"

"It was back last summer, before she became principal. I had to go with Ero-Sennin to find her and offer her the position, 'cause Ero-Sennin didn't want it and no one else could go after… after our old principal died." I shrug, mentally shaking off the memories. Our old principal was a good guy, even if he was infuriating sometimes. I pretty much grew up being yelled at by him. "Anyway, she gets angry when she's drunk. Angry and violent. And Tsunade no baa-chan is a freaking _tank_."

"It's generally pretty awkward to see teachers outside of school," Neji remarks. "Maybe it's for the best that we don't."

Although I want to tell him that I see teachers out of school all the time, since I live there, I decide not to, because it would probably encourage them to go inside. (Not that it changes much.)

"Well I'm going in!" Kiba decides. "There should be lots of people; it is Friday, after all. As long as I'm sneaky about it, I should be fine."

"What's all this 'I' business?" says Gaara. "I'm going too!"

"And me," adds Sai.

And so we all very, very discreetly head in.

"Okay, listen," Kiba says as low as possible over the blaring music, "we should split up into pairs at least. That way it'll be harder for her to spot us, and if she does, most of the rest of us will be safe. It's both safety and sacrifice, alright?"

"We should alert each other if one of us gets caught," Shikamaru says.

"We'll text each other. If anyone gets a text alert on their cellphone, consider it a warning and get the hell out. Alright?"

Everyone agrees. We split up: Neji and Shikamaru, Gaara and Sai, and Kiba, Sasuke, and me. (Kiba has to decide if it's worth it to risk being around me and Sasuke in a dark, wild dance club, but eventually he chooses to take the chance. I tell him not to worry about too much from me, sober anyway, and that it's Sasuke he should worry about more. This isn't exactly good news to him.) The three of us weave through the crowd and head for the bar, where Tsunade no baa-chan should be if she's drinking. She isn't the type to dance, I would think. As the bar starts to come into sight between the throngs of people, we start looking out for her.

"Kiba, see if you can spot her above the crowd," I say. "She would recognize me faster than you."

Kiba jumps up, craning his neck. "I can't… There might be… There!" He leads us around so that we're behind Tsunade no baa-chan and we inch closer. Sure enough, there she is, staring into a glass with several bottles of sake around her. The vice-principal, Shizune-sensei, is sitting next to her, looking worried. Why am I not surprised? Shizune-sensei's always tailing along after Tsunade no baa-chan, reprimanding her for her drinking and gambling tendencies. Then again, sometimes Tsunade no baa-chan is the _queen_ of gambling.

"What's she doing here?" Sasuke mutters. "There are better places for adults to go."

"Not a fucking clue," Kiba replies. "One of the mysteries of life, I guess."

Abruptly she stands, slamming a hand down on the bar. We all shrink back instinctively, seeing Shizune-sensei do the same (although I have to say that it's a bit late for her to be hiding). Tsunade no baa-chan says something, an furious expression on her face, rage blazing in her eyes. Shizune-sensei nods meekly and follows as her superior storms from the bar in what can hardly be called a straight line.

"Shit," I mutter, scrambling away, but too late—

"Naruto-kun?"

I stop dead in my tracks. Kiba and Sasuke are long gone. (Despite Kiba's talk about sacrifice, I feel resentful towards them for ditching me.) I pray that she'll forget about me and move on, but no such luck.

"Naruto-kun, what are you doing here?" Her voice gets louder as she nears – with both proximity and anger – and I turn around with dread. She looks livid.

"I – uh, I…" I look around wildly, frantically searching for an excuse. "It's okay for minors to dance here," I invent, hoping she doesn't know the truth.

"…Oh." She looks away for a moment, then snaps back. "Don't you dare go near the bar, Naruto-kun," she says loudly. "You've still got four years to go."

"Three," I correct her. What is she, my mother?

"Three," she agrees, though the anger in her voice makes it so that she may as well have said five instead.

"What're you doing here?" I ask, feigning innocence.

"None of your business. And none of your friends' either," she adds, and I wonder for a moment if she saw someone else. But then she goes on, "Don't tell anyone about this."

"Don't worry. It's not like this is new to me, anyway."

Seeing her reaction, I think about how I probably shouldn't have said that. "Don't talk about that either," she says, voice menacing. "Remember, personal baggage stays outside of professional hours, and confidentiality is a right."

I nod and turn, not bothering to figure out exactly what she's referring to. "Uh huh. I'll see you later, baa-chan."

"I told you to stop calling me that!" she rages, but I'm already gone, losing myself in the crowd. (For the record, she only ever told me the first time almost a year ago, and gave up after that.)

A hand grabs my shoulder, jerking me back. I fall into a familiar warm body as arms circle my waist.

"Looks like my little dobe got caught."

I sink into Sasuke's hold despite seeing Kiba appear in front of us, looking a little put out by Sasuke's open affection. "What'd she say?" he asks.

"I told her minors are allowed to dance. I figured she didn't know the rules in the Stoneheads, and I guess I was right."

"She bought it?" he says, incredulous. "You got off without even being punished? She looked like she was ready to expel someone!"

I shrug. "She likes me."

Kiba rolls his eyes. "Every girl's idol, the principal's pet, Iruka-sensei's favourite student… For someone who started out a loner, you're doing pretty well, man." He grins cheekily.

"Making up for lost time, I guess," I say, also grinning.

He nods. "You deserve it."

"So are we staying or leaving?" Sasuke asks from over my shoulder.

Kiba raises an eyebrow at him in a sort of annoyed way. "Do you have to do that?"

"What?" he asks innocently.

Kiba's not amused. "You know what I'm talking about."

"Why can't you two just get along?" I ask exasperatedly.

"We have a fundamental difference," Kiba says, crossing his arms.

Sasuke just shrugs.

"Sasuke doesn't seem to care," I say.

"Oh, sure, side with him."

"I'm not siding!" I pry Sasuke off of me, feeling he's not really helping my argument right now. "I just want you to be friends. Is that so much to ask for?"

"Then can you cut down on the PDAs?"

"Don't blame me, he's the touchy one."

"PDAs?" Sasuke says.

"Public displays of affection. They make people uncomfortable, teme."

"Even you?"

"Even me," I say firmly.

He shrugs. "Fine."

"Look, I support your relationship and all," says Kiba, "but—"

"We're in a dance club," I argue. "It's a little different than being out on the street."

"I know, but… just try to, y'know, keep your hands to yourselves while I'm around, okay? That's not unreasonable, is it?"

"No, okay. Sorry."

"No problem."

I look around. "It's not as much fun to dance if you're not drunk, and I don't really feel like drinking right now…" I sigh inwardly at the feeble excuse, but Kiba takes it.

"Wanna head back then?"

"Meh, sure."

We get outside where it's quieter, then Kiba sends a mass text to the others. Within minutes they join us.

"Did you get caught?" asks Sai.

"Well, yes and no," I reply, and tell them about my encounter with Tsunade no baa-chan. Yeah, I like and respect her, but they already know she was there, so the confidentiality issue's a bit of a moot point now.

We hang around talking for a little longer, then head home. Back at school we spread out on the grass and stare up at the sky. A few clouds cover the stars, so we can only see some of them. It's hard to spot constellations if they're not in full view, but after a bit of careful searching I find the raven Sasuke and I created and point it out to him. He puts his arm under me and pulls me closer and smiles.

"In the sky for all eternity," he says quietly. "You really know how to make the night romantic, Naru."

I roll my eyes at his comments. "Stars were romantic to begin with, _Sasu_."

He just shakes his head in amusement. "It doesn't work the same as yours."

"Shut up. D'you want me to call you Sake instead?"

"But by that logic you'd be Nato, and that's not cute at all."

"It doesn't have to be the same!"

"Then just keep calling me teme and get over it."

"That's not fair, you have three nicknames for me and I only have one for you."

"Tough luck, Naru."

I punch him on the arm. He just smiles.

"Hey, _Naru_," says Shikamaru loudly, and I twist around to glare at him. The others laugh.

I scowl. "Whaddya want?"

"You know some constellations, right?"

"Don't you? You're the one who always lazes around watching the sky."

"I'm too lazy to look them up. D'y'know any?"

I stare up at the sky, trying to find something. "It's not a constellation, but I think that's Mars," I say, pointing up at a bright red speck. "Actually around now you can see most of the planets."

"How do you know that?" asks Gaara, sounding sceptical. "You couldn't possibly memorize what's visible at any given time of the year. You'd have to be an astronomy fanatic, and then we'd know about it, wouldn't we?"

"I don't know everything about the whole damn sky," I retort. "Back when I was twelve Iruka-sensei took me to the roof with a telescope and he told me where the planets were. It was March, so they should be here around now."

"What about the Big Saucepan or whatever?" says Kiba.

"Saucepan?" I repeat, laughing. "It's called the Big Dipper, idiot. I dunno if we can see it around now. Look for it."

Most of the constellations are hard to find and harder to imagine as cool pictures, so we just make up our own after that. I don't fail to mention the raven and the fox.

"See, it looks like they're dancing together or something," I say.

"Stars don't dance, dobe," says Sasuke. "They stay relatively still."

"Teme, I know that! Use your imagination. You think we got a fox out of a triangle of stars without imagination?"

"You were going on about that other constellation of a triangle. It didn't matter whether or not you actually _saw_ the fox."

"You're just being difficult because you can't see them dancing."

"How do you know I'm not being difficult because it's fun to argue with you?"

"What kind of screwed-up relationship have you two got?" says Neji, laughing.

"It's more interesting than agreeing all the time," Sasuke answers. "Keeps the conversation going. Why do you think people organize debates?"

"We don't _debate_, teme. Debates are civil and intellectual. We argue about stupid things."

"I think that's called bickering, dobe."

"Nah, bickering is more like bitching," says Kiba.

Sasuke laughs. "We bitch all the time."

"Then maybe Naruto just likes bitching, 'cause that's not news to me."

"I'm _so_ glad I have such positive and supporting friends," I say with as much sarcasm as possible.

"No problem," Kiba responds cheerily.

I just shake my head in defeat and press closer to Sasuke. The temperature only started to climb recently, and it's still pretty cold, so I'm glad for his warmth. He smiles, rolls onto his side, and puts a kiss to my cheek. I turn my head and meet his lips. He licks mine, requesting permission to press onward, but I deny him entrance. He pulls back, a question in his eyes, and I glance meaningfully at the others. He raises an eyebrow; they're all talking and staring at the sky, but I shake my head firmly. Unfortunately he ignores this and leans back in. I push him away before he can do anything, and he grabs my hand, interlocking our fingers, and tries again. I hit my forehead against his; ignoring the pain I get for that, I take advantage of his minor surprise to get up on my arms and push his shoulder back with the hand he's trapped. He tries to use his other hand to get up again but I pin both of his wrists over his head, then, noticing that he's moved on to getting free with his lower body, I scramble over and trap his legs under mine. He looks up at me in amusement; I glare back.

"Uh… Naruto?"

…Shit.

We both look up. The others are all staring at us, having noticed our silent scuffle.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Shikamaru asks, one eyebrow raised.

Belatedly I vault off Sasuke, blushing furiously; he doesn't even move, just looking at the others with his head tilted back, appearing completely unfazed.

"Sasuke was being a bastard as usual," I mutter, turning away.

"Brilliant excuse, dobe," he smirks.

"Didn't I say something about PDAs not too long ago?" Kiba says.

"That's what I was trying to fight off!" I exclaim. "Teme was—"

Sasuke sits up suddenly and presses a hand to my mouth, stifling the rest of my words. I bite his hand, hard.

"Ow – fuck, usuratonkachi!"

"You deserved it." Still, the tone in which he swore makes me feel guilty. I'll make it up to him – later, when there aren't people around. "I think Sasuke here's getting tired," I say pointedly. I stand, grab Sasuke's wrist, and none too gently drag him up. "We'll see you guys at breakfast, yeah?"

* * *

So Sasuke and Naruto run into a bit of trouble with the whole lack-of-communication business. I mean, they talk a lot, by any standards, which apparently seems to make it harder for them to communicate when they _don't_ talk. Hmm…

R+F


	39. Blood and Water

Once again over-dramaticizing chapter titles.

* * *

"God, Sasuke," I fume as we head back, hand in hand despite our fresh dispute, "Kiba'd _just_ said no PDAs, and there you go again, doing stuff even after I told you—"

"Why are you so angry?" he asks quietly, though he doesn't try to hide the amusement in his voice.

"You know why I'm angry."

"No one noticed."

"No one noticed, my ass! They were all staring at us!"

"That was after we started fighting."

"Ugh." I give up trying to argue with him. He knows what I'm talking about; he just wants to make my life difficult for his own enjoyment. Thankfully he stops pestering me and we manage to make it home without further quarrel.

Sasuke locks the door behind him, then turns to me. "So," he says with a smile, "can we get back to touching?"

"Fuck you," I mutter, turning away. For a fleeting moment I think that maybe I'm wrong, maybe my words were too strong and I sounded too serious for him and he isn't going to jump me like I expect him to, but as soon as I sense him advance, I toss that possibility. What I don't expect, however, is for him to reach around me, grab my chest with one hand and my crotch with the other, and pull me flush against him.

"S-Sasuke—" I gasp, disoriented by the sudden attack.

"You couldn't possibly complain now," he says. "We're in private; no one around to disturb us or be disturbed…"

If I could have come up with the slightest argument against that, the very convincing point that is his hand on my crotch would have snuffed it out like a candle in a tornado. I give up all resistance and willingly melt into him, not even bothering to be annoyed by his triumphant smirk. I grab the hand clawing at my shirt and bring it up to my face; the marks where my teeth dug are still visible, especially where my canines were (the dentist told me my canines are unusually sharp). I kiss the back of his hand where the marks are.

"Sorry about biting you so hard," I say quietly. "It was… sort of instinct."

"You're not a fox, Naruto," he replies, still in that amused voice.

"Fine then, don't accept my apology." I twist around and kiss him roughly. He smiles against my lips and holds me close.

—

One of the last winter units in gym is swimming. We take to the pool for the first time on a Friday and have class there for a couple of weeks before it's warm enough outside to do other things. Most people are fairly excited about swimming; the pool is off-limits except for pool-related clubs, gym, and certain special events. I can come here whenever I want during the summer, so it's not that big a deal for me.

Most guys don't bother changing in the stalls, but I don't trust myself not to act up somehow if I'm changing in the same room as Sasuke – and I trust him even less. So I grab my swimming trunks and claim a stall, keeping an ear out for any approaching perverts (who go by the names of Sasuke and Sai).

As it is, I change fairly quickly and douse myself momentarily in the shower before continuing on to the pool. Asuma-sensei's standing on the side with a whistle and a clipboard.

I look to the pool just in time to see a pale figure leap from the end of the diving board and slice into the water. Sasuke's no swimming pro, but that doesn't stop me finding an excuse to admire his body. I've always been a little paranoid of slipping on the deck ever since I saw someone concuss themselves here back before high school, so I go as quickly as I can to the edge of the pool and watch as the head of dark hair surges upward and breaks the surface.

Sasuke releases the breath he was holding and shakes his head vigorously, sending water spraying. I've never seen his hair completely soaked before. Now, as I stare at him, he looks quite different – his hair is plastered down as though gelled in place, contrary to his usual hairstyle that takes no gel at all. His bangs stick to his face. He looks… eerily like Sai.

He looks up at me and glares, and his expression is so familiar that all resemblance to Sai vanishes and he just looks like a wet-dog Sasuke. The corners of my mouth twitch upwards.

"What?" he snaps, his tone matching the glare perfectly.

I burst out laughing and promptly get splashed for it. I prefer to jump into the water rather than inching in slowly and torturously, so I leap and splash a good part of the deck along with Sasuke, who's already wet anyway. I plunge to the bottom, then push off of it to resurface before making for the shallow end. As soon as I find footing, Sasuke purposely bumps into my back, wrapping his arms around my neck and his legs around my hips.

"Get off, teme!" I walk forward, bending my legs as I go so that I'm still up to my neck in water. Then I pry his fingers off and stand completely upright, tipping him backwards. His knees let go of my torso and he flips away. I quickly swim to the edge of the pool, then put my back to it to watch for any more incoming attacks.

"You're no fun, dobe," he says teasingly, swimming up beside me. He leans back against the edge of the pool, putting an elbow up on the deck. "D'you dive?"

"Me? No. I don't have the grace to dive. Cannonballs suit me better," I say, grinning. "I didn't think you'd be a diver, with your fear of heights."

"Hm." He seems to think about it. "I guess water is different. Diving is different. I know I'm going to jump, and I know it's water, so it makes me feel a little better. Anyway, I started diving more when I realized it was helping me be more confident about heights."

"That's really self-aware of you," I muse. I watch the shiny surface of the water and drag my fingertips along it, watching the ripples. Then I submerge my hand, find Sasuke's, and take a hold of it. He smiles gently.

"Geez, what's taking everyone so long?" I mutter, looking around.

Just at that moment, several guys storm out of the locker room and leap into the pool, whooping and yelling. Silently glad to be on the far side of the pool, I watch as the whole class (minus me and Sasuke) pours into the water.

"Naruto! Sasuke!" Kiba calls, waving. "What the hell are you two doing over there? Come here!"

"He probably thinks we're doing something suspicious out here all alone," Sasuke says in a far too casual tone.

"Kiba would rather drink bleach than think about that," I mutter back. I push off the side of the pool and swim over to the others, where the water is just shallow enough for me to touch the bottom with my toes. Under the water, I reach out and grab Kiba's ankles. He flinches and kicks, and I cling for a bit before pulling down, which pulls me up. I surface just in time to get a splash from Kiba, which gets into my mouth as I'm breathing and results in me choking on burning chlorine water for a little bit.

"Hey, Uchiha-san."

I turn around to see one of our classmates, Kondo Aoi, talking to Sasuke. Aoi's one of those rare people who's never really had any issue with me being the Kyuubi's container; it's not that he supports me so much as he doesn't shun me – he doesn't really care about it. I've chatted idly with him once or twice; he's a nice guy to everyone. I like him.

"Those are some pretty rough scars you've got," he's saying now. "Are you okay?"

I turn away guiltily. Still, looking away doesn't stop me from hearing the entire conversation, and I can't seem to make myself swim out of earshot.

"I'm fine," says Sasuke casually. "I was in the hospital for a while, but I've healed."

"Oh, is that why you were away a few months ago? It was the cat, wasn't it?"

"Mm."

Hesitantly I turn back. It's not really something I've thought about; despite seeing Sasuke shirtless on numerous occasions, it just doesn't really connect with me. Now, looking at him, I'm suddenly painfully aware of the ragged-straight, parallel, diagonal slashes across his chest. I shiver as they burn red in my memory – I can only liken it to visiting the grave of someone who died in the car you were driving when it crashed.

I feel Sasuke's eyes on me and look up into his face. He smiles and swims over.

"Don't feel bad," he tells me.

"We've had this conversation already," I mumble. "We already decided neither of us is going to win."

"There's nothing to feel guilty about. I don't blame you."

"You should."

"I don't."

"Drop it, okay?" I grab the hand he's about to touch my cheek with. He does nothing for a moment, then twists his hand and slides his fingers between mine.

"Lingering on the past won't get you anywhere."

"I said drop it." I pull my hand out of his grasp. To my advantage, Asuma-sensei blows the whistle to call us to attention right then. (I didn't miss the fact that Aoi was watching us while we talked.)

We warm up with laps. I may be good at endurance, but that doesn't mean I like swimming laps. It's long and difficult and overall painful; I stick it out nevertheless and I'm not panting as hard as the others when I finish. After a quick break of floating around, we start a diving game. Asuma-sensei throws rings, coins, plastic bricks, and other objects into the pool, and we're split up into two teams. Each person has to collect as much as they can in one breath: as soon as they resurface, they're not allowed back down again. Of course, different objects are worth different amounts of points. I dunno if it's from shouting so much or a part of my endurance or something else altogether or a combination, but I have fairly good lung capacity, so I manage to grab a whole load of stuff before coming back up. Sasuke's on my team, and he says that the trick is to be calm, to not move around too much, to aim for objects carefully. I try, but calm isn't really my thing, so I leave that to him. Together we haul out a fair amount of the objects, and our team wins three out of four times.

After that, Asuma-sensei explains a game called chicken fights. "Everyone pairs off, and one partner sits on the other's shoulders. Then the upper people try to knock each other off, and the lower people try to keep them from falling while fighting each other too. The last team to stay standing wins. Now, I don't want any serious fighting," he warns. "Remember that this is a game and an exercise. Don't hurt each other."

"You're lighter," I tell Sasuke immediately.

"That means I'm on top," he smirks.

"Teme!" I growl, trying not to go red.

"Well I'm not carrying you. Go underwater so I can get on."

Muttering curses in my mind, I take a breath and plunge. Sasuke takes a moment to situate himself on my shoulders, then I hold onto his legs and slowly stand up. He wobbles and grabs my head for support, which isn't that smart a move, but finally we find balance.

At Asuma-sensei's whistle, I start towards Kiba and Sai. Moving is a whole different thing; not only is it hard to walk in the water, but I have to balance an off-centre weight above my shoulders. But sooner or later we make it, and Sasuke reaches out to begin his battle with Sai.

Well, really, you can't expect a fight like this to last long. About ten seconds in, I lurch forward in an attempt to disturb Kiba, but Sasuke loses balance and falls back, pulling me and Sai with him, and we all collapse into the water.

"Guess that's it for us, then," Kiba shrugs.

"Lamest fight ever," I say.

"I bet the girls would be all over an all-boys' water fight, though," Sai adds. "No matter how lame we think it is."

I roll my eyes. "The sad truth."

A few more rounds of chicken fights ensue, but it turns out that neither Sasuke nor I have the greatest balance. Suffice to say the game isn't for us. Still, it's fun – if a bit daunting – whenever we tip, wobble, and collapse in a heap in the water.

After a series of water games, we head back in to shower and change. I'm grabbing my stuff from my bag when I notice a missed text on my phone's front screen. It's from an unknown number: _In case you happen to get this early: class is cancelled. Have a good time. Iruka._

"Cancelled?" Sasuke reads over my shoulder. "How does Iruka-sensei know your number?"

"He was the one who got me the cell. The school pays for the basic bill, but I have to limit use or else I won't be able to pay for the rest. I didn't know he had a cellphone too, though."

Sasuke shrugs and sits down on the bench, leaning back against the wall. "Well, in the time it took you to get that message, all the shower stalls have been taken and we're the last ones still here."

"You didn't have to wait for me," I retort. "I just hate leaving unread messages lying around. Anyway, Gaara said he might text me about something, but looks like he hasn't—"

I'm interrupted by my cell buzzing in my hand. I look down expectantly only to find the text is from another unknown number. I read: _Got your number from Gaara. You and Sasuke-kun busy tonight? Can we talk? Text me back. Sui._

"Takeda Sui… from Friday night? That girl Kiba said was hot?" I remember her distinctly, the way she looked at us – not adoringly like most fangirls, but like we were at the same level as her. Like equals. I liked that about her.

"You should hook them up," Sasuke says amusedly.

"I already said I'm not playing matchmaker. Let them do it themselves. Kiba's not shy."

"So are you responding to her message or not?"

"Oh. I guess. After dinner, say?" At Sasuke's nod, I press the reply button and type, _Meet us at 7 pm at the dorm crossings. Naruto._

A minute later Kiba comes out from the shower area, clothed and towelling his hair. "What are you two doing here? Showers are all lined up."

"Exactly," I say. "No point standing to wait when you can sit."

He shrugs, mystified. "Suit yourself. I'll see you in class." And he grabs his stuff and leaves.

I blink, then turn to Sasuke. "In retrospect we should've told him we have no class."

"Well, to be perfectly honest," he says quietly, "if you'd told him he would've asked us to go somewhere with him, and that would mean less private time for us." Though people are starting to come out of the showers, Sasuke teases his fingers partway up my forearm, indicating his intentions. I flush and glance away. But his words and actions trigger desire in my body, so I silently agree with him.

And so we don't tell Sai about the cancelled class either. Eventually everyone clears out and the showers are completely freed up. I stand to get my stuff, but I'm stopped in my tracks by a pair of arms sliding around my waist from behind.

"Sasuke," I mutter warningly.

"Wouldn't it be kinky to get off in a shower stall?" he purrs into my ear.

With a considerable amount of effort, I ignore the signals my body's sending that are agreeing with him and saying yes, it would be a big turn-on to have Sasuke jerk me off in a little public shower stall where there's no one around. Instead of responding to that desire, I jam my fingers under Sasuke's and pry him off. "No, Sasuke, it would not. Anyone could walk in at any time. Can you keep your mind out of the gutter at least until we get back to our dorm?"

"Can't promise anything, what with both of us showering at the same time behind nothing but curtains."

"Screw you. I'll shower at home." I grab my clothes, jump into a stall, and change out of my swimming trunks before Sasuke can get a chance to pull the curtain – good plan, too, because he does so just as I'm hoisting up my jeans.

"Why do you have to change in a stall?" he asks, apparently displeased that his plan failed. "I've already seen it all before."

"It's the principle of the matter," I snap, pulling my shirt on. "If you're gonna shower here, hurry it up."

He shrugs. "I'd rather get to the dorm faster."

He goes to his bag and pulls out his clothes, then, without warning, he starts to strip. Alarmed, I turn around hastily.

"What are you doing, teme?" I hiss, squeezing my eyes shut and trying desperately not to turn back.

"Hn?"

"You're – I'm—"

"You can be a prude if you want, but I don't really care either way. Anyway, since you don't seem to want to look, it doesn't make a difference, does it?"

"I'm not a prude," I mutter.

"No, I guess not. After all, I've witnessed otherwise," comes Sasuke's voice, suddenly much, much closer. He kisses the back of my neck, where my hair immediately stands on end. "Let's go, dobe."

* * *

Sasuke is a lot more outgoing and loose when he's horny, haha. Horny people are fun to write. Naruto's too embarrassed about gay sex to be horny, so it's up to our local ice prince. Nevertheless he does it well…

I know my lemon scenes are already fairly short and nondescript to begin with, but you might notice that I'm going to start omitting them if they don't really further the plot. I don't exactly strive to make every sentence of Two Face meaningful, but by that token a large percentage of it is fillery…

R+F


	40. This Is Everything

Sasuke trails his fingers over my arm all the way back, as though reminding me what we're planning to do. I let him for a while, then finally get fed up and snatch up his hand and hold it firmly. Still, his fingertips play at my hand wherever possible, and the desire that flooded me earlier is coming back again in full force. We just can't get to the dorm fast enough.

Opening the door is always the hardest part – at least walking gives you some sort of movement, a distraction; but fumbling with keys or, worse, watching Sasuke fumble with keys is agonizing. It's like breaking a dam when we finally get the door open and pile inside. Forgetting to close and lock the door will end in bad news, so that needs taking care of as well. And then, finally, we're free.

We attack each other with a mutual need to touch, to taste, to kiss and dance and fight. Hands are everywhere, roaming, pushing, pulling, wanting to bring us closer and claim every surface available. Sasuke pins me against the wall, which I like, and I drag his shirt off, which he likes. Despite that, getting shirts off is always frustrating; it stops us from kissing, even for a moment. As soon as both of our tops are discarded somewhere on the floor, I attack Sasuke's mouth with an extra vigour to make up for it, draping my arms over his shoulders. His hands are everywhere, focusing on the most sensitive spots. As his hand slides from my collarbone towards my stomach, I gasp.

Noticing this, Sasuke pulls back to look me in the eye, pressing his forehead against mine. "What was that?" he asks, a spark of amusement in his eyes.

"Do it again," I breathe.

His palm glides over my chest, barely touching, and brushes a nipple, sending a shock of pleasure straight to my groin. I hit the back of my head against the door.

"Don't tell me this is new to you," he murmurs, the corner of a smile against my ear.

"From – from you it is," I reply as the tingling continues.

"Mm." He tugs my ear between his teeth, then descends, leaving a trail of saliva that cools my skin even as it burns up from underneath. He hesitates at my collarbone, then cautiously continues downward as though crossing the border of his own country into new territory. My hand automatically flies to his shoulder, and he stops.

"Too much?" he asks softly.

Slowly I draw my hand away, then slide it down his spine. "No," I whisper back.

It always makes me uncomfortable when we have to say things like that aloud, so I'm grateful to Sasuke for stifling it as he trails kisses along my skin. He goes slowly, until his mouth reaches the place where his fingers have been continuing their work. I steel myself for the contact, but any anxiety is blown away at the sensation of the tip of his tongue flicking my nipple.

"Shit—"

"You like it?" He smirks, swirling his tongue in a circle. My mind is devoid of words. As soon as I can wrap my head around any more thoughts, he switches to the other side and it happens all over again.

I return to myself when his lips touch mine. Somehow it seems a little weird that the same tongue in my mouth was just on my chest. I try to ignore this fact, which becomes all too easy when a leg finds its way between mine.

"Sasuke – haah—"

A muffled buzzing makes us both freeze. Panting, we try to silence our breaths to find the source of the sound. Then I realize it's the rhythm of my cell phone's text message alert. Cursing, I disentangle myself from Sasuke to grab my phone from my bag, my body still charged with hormones that are quickly dissipating.

_Sounds good. See you at 7. Sui~_

"Fuck," I swear again. Interrupted by a stupid message like that? I impatiently turn off the phone and toss it onto my desk, where it clatters across and falls over the other side. "Fuck."

"You swear too much," Sasuke mutters, his teeth against the back of my neck.

"Well are _you_ pleased by the interruption?" I ask irritably. Feeling humiliated for some stupid reason, I stalk over to my bed and throw myself on it, letting my head fall backwards past the pillow. Sasuke takes it as an excuse to climb on after me and attack my pulse.

"Never mind," he purrs, "you're hot when you're angry." He drags his tongue roughly across my skin, then murmurs, "I can get a better angle from on top of you."

The innuendo behind his words is clear; despite the heat it pumps through my veins, it also adds to my already negative attitude by making me feel uncomfortable. Before he can reach my waistband, I snatch his hand away. He looks up at me with confusion in his eyes.

"Is something the matter?" he asks quietly.

"Don't you ever feel like this is… wrong?" I glance away, turning my body a little so that I'm less prone underneath him. Where did all that desire go? Why am I suddenly afraid? How did getting a text message make me like this?

Sasuke frowns in consternation. "Do you not like it?"

"No, that's not it," I say immediately. "It's just… we're both guys. Isn't that… It feels, I dunno, taboo or something. Not just because we're both guys, mind. I mean, we're sixteen, for god's sake." Maybe I'm looking for an excuse to be angry. Either way, it's a topic I've sort of wanted to figure out for a while, but never had the nerve to. Maybe sometimes anger drives you to the right things. Maybe I'm just that screwed up.

"Age of consent is thirteen," Sasuke says.

"For a girl and a guy, though, isn't it?"

He hesitates. "Think so."

"So for us?"

"I don't know. Up to eighteen."

"Who needs to consent at thirteen anyway?"

Sasuke sits up and pulls me to sit in front of him, leaning back against his chest. "Puberty hits most around then," he says, casual as ever, "if not before."

Though the topic makes me feel uncomfortable, I have the strange ability to sound incredibly normal talking about it, like a subconscious defence mechanism to make me feel better. "But think about it. You hit puberty, you figure out that sex feels good. Is it really a smart time to give kids permission to make mistakes like that? You can't drive until you're twenty."

"You can't drink until twenty, and we do it all the time," Sasuke reminds me. "You think everyone in this school is a virgin?"

I grimace, flushing. The ticking of the clock is loud in the silence that follows.

"Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

Voice very small, I ask, "…Are you?"

"Am I what?" he says.

"A… y'know." I wave my hand as though that'll clear it up.

"A virgin?" He presses his lips against my cheek, smiling. "Yeah."

"Okay." Somehow I feel better.

He puts his arms around my waist and hugs me tight, burying his face in my hair. "Anyway, it's not like we're going as far as intercourse right now. Masturbating isn't illegal."

The word makes me feel squirmy. Anyway, it gets rid of most of the anger.

"Don't be immature, dobe," he says, though there's no malice in his voice. A smirk, however, does creep into his tone at his next words. "You never have a problem with dirty words in the heat of the moment."

"Shut up," I mutter, blushing furiously by now. I can tell he's trying to steer the conversation away from serious, boring stuff and back into what we were doing. I can't say I don't want him to.

"Don't you like it though?" he asks, voice low in my ear as his hands begin to move. "You're always so… _responsive_."

At the word "responsive," his palm brushes my nipple. I inhale sharply as the still-novel tingling makes a beeline for my groin. His fingers ghost everywhere, painting pleasure across my skin, sweeping away my discomfort like sand in the wind.

"You can try to convince yourself it doesn't affect you," he goes on, "but you can't fool your own body. I will trigger all of your senses." His breath at the corner of my mouth entices me to turn towards him, and he captures my mouth in a kiss, overwhelming me with his taste. I grip his hair tightly between my fingers, pulling him closer, releasing more of his smell – the smell of his shampoo along with a heavier, more addicting version of his usual scent. To my dismay, he pulls back, but then he starts talking again.

"You like it when I talk," he purrs, his eyes fixed on wherever his hands roam, his gaze raising goosebumps. "You like the sound of my voice, don't you, Naruto?"

My eyelids flutter, but I don't respond.

"What's the answer?"

"You know the answer," I whisper.

"Maybe we need to relax your mind a little." His hand comes to rest over the bulge in my pants. I hiss and throw my head back over his shoulder as he rubs gently against it. He repeats, "You like when I talk."

"Shit…"

"Tell me," he breathes, his touch lightening, just teasing against me.

"Yes, I do, just don't stop," I pant. "Sasuke… mm… Keep talking."

He presses closer to my body, chest to back, one arm holding me firmly against him. The soft underside of his chin fits right onto my shoulder, his hair tickling my jaw, and his hand stops what it's doing. I growl as the sensations cease. His fingers easily pop the button of my jeans and work the zipper down, the resulting feeling making me squirm with pleasure. He reaches into my boxers and pulls out my erection. I glance away in embarrassment.

"Don't look away," he murmurs, a hand taking my chin and gently turning me back. "There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's… weird," I say in a small voice, wanting so much but completely unable to keep my eyes off as Sasuke's hand begins to deliver that blissful friction. In one way, it's so unusual to be watching something like this… In another, it turns me on more than I can say. "Sasuke…"

I swear I feel Sasuke shiver behind me in reaction. "Mm, Naruto… If it makes you feel better, you should know that your voice turns me on too."

"Yes – nnh—"

"Why restrict it to a single sense? Watch – it turns you on, doesn't it?"

Though my eyes are half-lidded, I can see Sasuke's hand pumping perfectly clearly, and yes, it does turn me on. I put my hand over the one Sasuke is holding at my stomach and clench it tightly.

"Can you smell it? The mixture of our scents, enveloping us, becoming one. This is _us_. The sound of my voice, the sound of your breathing. And the taste of your lips." He crushes my mouth with a searing kiss and all my senses overload in a rush of heaven. This is everything, this is nothing, this is Sasuke.

This is us. This is us, becoming closer with every climax. This is us, a tangle of limbs and sweaty bodies. This is us, riding the waves of passion as they carry us gently to the shore.

No… that's me. This is me, spiralling down from the heights alone towards Sasuke. This is me, letting the last of the physical sensations leak away as Sasuke discreetly buttons up my pants. This is me, leaning against something hard pressing against my lower back.

"…Sasuke?"

He tenses, going from relaxed to wary faster than blinking. His arm, still around my torso, pulls me in even closer, as though afraid to let me go. I can't even muster up the right feelings to be embarrassed about the mess on the towel next to us, or the thoughts to wonder how it got there.

"You… How long have you been hiding this?"

I get no reply.

"This is why you… This is the reason you always go to the bathroom afterward," I whisper.

"Gender is irrelevant," he says, echoing a memory. There's a quiet void in his voice, flat, as though he's repeating to himself word for word a rule that guides his life.

"Oh, Sasuke…" Slowly I coax his grip on me to loosen, then turn around and face him, sitting in front of him. I convince him to look me in the eyes, and there's a complex, layered expression in his – resignation, sadness, loyalty, an acceptance that's more mental than emotional – but none of it can completely hide the plea he's holding back.

I stare into those eyes for a long time, weighing my feelings. I've always been selfish. Whenever I've noticed it, it's always been at a point where I didn't feel comfortable changing. Once, when I was on the verge of losing Sasuke, and once now. I haven't become completely comfortable with the concept of Sasuke touching me, but he's proven I can trust him, and I guess sometimes you have to push your boundaries.

I've been selfish. I've never thought of how Sasuke feels about this, what he might be feeling when we touch, when we kiss – what he wants. Sasuke's given me everything I asked of him, and that's beyond my understanding. I'm not worth that much. He is. And if, for once, he wants something from me, what kind of person – boyfriend – lover – would I be to refuse him?

Slowly, very slowly, I lean forward and kiss him. It's a gentle, sweet kiss, my offer to him: let me repay you, even if only a little. My hand is at his shoulder; I slowly slide it down. When I reach his hip, he puts one hand on my wrist and the other against my cheek and parts from me and I can see the question in his eyes.

"It's okay," I whisper, pressing my forehead against his. "You deserve this."

He shakes his head. "It's not about what I deserve. It's what you want."

"I've done too much wanting. Now I want to give back to you, Sasuke."

"I don't want it if you're uncomfortable."

I can't say I'm not uncomfortable. But my desire to do something for Sasuke far overrides that. In the end, it _is_ what I want – I want to redeem myself by this action. I want to give Sasuke this.

"I'm not uncomfortable enough for it to matter." I lean in, and my lips brush his. "You deserve this."

I kiss him, and this time his hand doesn't stop mine from continuing downward. I put my hand on his clothed erection – it's warm and solid under his jeans. It feels strange, touching someone else. Yes, I'm uncomfortable… but in the same way I felt when I watched Sasuke touching me, it's somehow thrilling to be touching him. I move my hand, applying pressure, and he moans into my mouth.

Breaking the kiss, I sit back and straddle his leg, spreading my hand over his stomach. But I can't bring myself to watch, and so I limit my vision by putting my lips to his neck. I put a hand against the wall for support as I lick and nip, and Sasuke's arms wrap around me, his skin against my bare back reminding me how close we are, in every way. Steeling myself, I dip my fingertips under his pants and boxers.

There's an intense thrill at the contact; my fingers tingle and my mind reels, but there isn't enough space for my hand. Still sucking at his pulse, I put an arm around him and drag him down sideways so that he's lying back. Then, returning my mouth to his, I hook my fingers into what remains of his clothes and pull the garments down to his thighs.

Curiosity overtaking my embarrassment, I raise my head and look down. Despite the heat that floods my face, I can't pull my eyes away: Sasuke's member is red and stiff against his stomach, the vein on the underside bulging visibly. The tiny part of my masculinity that's taken refuge deep in the shadows of my mind instantly measures up: to my chagrin, I think he's a little longer than me.

Sasuke's arms hug me more tightly and I snap out of a heated daze, the embarrassment returning in full swing. I quickly tear my eyes away and distract myself by passing my hands down Sasuke's body until I find his member. My heart beats like a hummingbird's wings; he pulses warmly in my hand. I'm aware of his arms, still clutching my body, as though he's waiting expectantly.

I slide my hand slowly downwards and nails dig into my skin as Sasuke's grip tightens. All I can hear from him is heavy breathing, ruffling the hair at the back of my head. I slide up. He gasps. I start a rhythm.

A growl makes itself heard through his gritted teeth. I raise my head to look into his face. His eyes are glazed over, his breath hot and heavy. He stares at me, panting.

"Haah… Naru…to…" Sasuke cranes his neck; I meet him in another kiss. His tongue tells me everything in its movements – don't stop, I can feel you here, you're here, Naruto. His hips twitch and then he bucks upwards into my hand. I keep pumping, listening as he moans and mutters senseless words into my ear, catching bits of phrases: "…Don't stop … yes… Naruto…" until he pulls me in close and bites down on my shoulder and warm liquid splatters onto both our chests. Gently I bring him down, my hand slowing and finally stopping. Then I support myself on my hands and knees and watch Sasuke's face until he opens his eyes.

"Naruto," he breathes.

"Yes, Sasuke?" I say quietly, leaning in closer.

He just smiles. I understand.

"I… guess I know now what it's like to have to disappear to the bathroom afterwards," I mutter, glancing down in embarrassment.

"Hard again already?" Though he's still panting, the smirk in his voice is unmistakable.

"Shut up," I mumble, sitting back.

"I could help you get rid of that again," he offers.

"Only if you want an endless cycle of getting hard from getting each other off," I say, flushing at my own bluntness.

He laughs lightly. "I wouldn't mind."

"We have homework, teme, and we haven't had dinner yet either _and_ we have to go see Sui." Lame excuses all of them, but true.

Sasuke shrugs. "Spoil the fun then." He watches my face for a moment, then kisses my nose, making me smile despite myself. Very quietly he whispers into my ear, "Thank you."


	41. Sui

I'm distracted all over again. Every time I look at Sasuke I can feel blood rush to my face. If he notices me looking at him, he just smiles, which only makes it worse. Finally, when he catches me staring at him changing after showering, he asks me why the hell I keep blushing.

I look away quickly. "I…" Throat dry, I swallow and try again. "I just… How can you act so _normal_?"

He laughs at my embarrassment. "You're still hung up on that?"

I drag a hand down my face, feeling my skin burning. "It's not every day you jack someone off," I groan. Then I realize the hand on my face was the one I used to do said jacking off. I snatch it away in alarm and stare at it. I can't hold it still. This… With this hand, I…

Another hand reaches into my vision and puts itself in mine. Sasuke rubs the middle my palm with his thumb.

"Hey. Don't worry about it."

I look up. The smile in his eyes and on his lips is soft, comforting.

"The fact that you were strong enough to do something like that for me… I can't tell you how much that's worth."

His fingers close around my hand, and I return the action, clutching tightly. Slowly, I pull him in, sliding my arms around him, and hug him close.

"I need to be near you," I whisper. "I need you."

"I'll always be here, Naruto. Always."

"Sasuke, I…" I take a deep breath. I can feel his heart beating against my chest, and my own pumping, not all that quickly, but very distinctly against his. "I can't say it."

His hand rests on the side of my head. He tucks my hair back behind my ear, and a flood of affection overwhelms me. So gentle… So tender. Sasuke.

"Write it," he says. "Remember, if you can't say it, you can always write to me."

"…It doesn't feel the same," I say, still clinging to him. He's still standing strong, holding me gently. "It's not right."

"What are you afraid of?" he asks, not teasingly, but comfortingly. "You know you can tell me anything. There's no reason to be uncomfortable."

I shake my head. "It's not about you. It's… I try not to even think about it. It's my own lack of courage."

"Then try to think about it. Think it through carefully, then talk to me."

I consider this, then nod. "Okay."

Silence envelops us like a blanket, holding us together. I close my eyes, concentrating on the warmth of Sasuke's touch, the life pumping through his veins, the sense of comfort and protection he's projecting. So quietly that the sound barely escapes my mouth, I whisper, "Can I kiss you?"

He squeezes me tightly. "You don't have to ask."

He allows me to pull back a little. I stop for a moment and stare into his eyes, trying to be as aware as possible of this moment, this contact between us. Just us in this little space, in the first place I've ever been able to call home. It's strange to think of how many times I've run these thoughts through my head, and how many times I've taken them for granted. It's been six months since I learned someone loved me, five since I found out who; and I've become so used to it. I can't forget sixteen years of loneliness, but I can cover it up with this overwhelming love.

"Naruto?" he says softly.

"I love you," I say, and press my lips to his.

—

Dinner after that is fairly quiet. We buy our food and bring it back with us to the dorm, where we eat in silence, sitting side by side at Sasuke's desk. In such a small space, we're nearly shoulder to shoulder, but I like it that way. Sasuke's closeness is something I'm so used to that I feel less whole when he's not nearby, as though a part of me is stuck with him. Sometimes his touch comforts me; on rare occasion it makes me uncomfortable, and sometimes it sets my heart on fire. My different reactions to his body have always been separate. So what do I do when the lines start to blur?

"What are you doing, dobe?"

I blink. I'm standing in front of the garbage can, my empty Styrofoam box sitting atop the rest of our trash. Looking over at Sasuke, I realize I've totally spaced out on the spot. Shrugging it off, I drag myself over to my bed and flump down on it, half-lying, half-sitting against the wall.

"Naruto?"

"Hmm," I respond, closing my eyes. My thoughts are in a muddle; I can't seem to remember what I was trying to sort out. I hear Sasuke get out of his chair, walk over, and fall to his hands and knees above me.

"What's up?" he asks, his voice close and low.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel," I say listlessly.

"About what?"

I lift my hand until I find Sasuke's side, then slide it up to his back and press, indicating for him to lie down. He does so, pressing his face into the side of my neck and hugging me warmly.

"About… this," I mutter, waving my hand in an attempt to further my meaning. "About what we just did."

"Are you regretting it?" he asks.

"…No. Maybe. I don't know. Am I?"

"Only you can say."

"I'm selfish, Sasuke," I tell him helplessly, wrapping my arms around him. "You've done everything I could ever ask for, and I still hesitate about repaying you even a little."

"Your repayment to me is your happiness," he says. "You know I want nothing more."

"No," I whisper into his ear. "You're holding back, Sasuke. I know you are. There's more. This isn't all there is for us. But I'm afraid, Sasuke."

He presses his lips against my skin in response. I know what he's saying without having to hear it – _it's okay, I'll wait_.

"I'm less afraid than I used to be," I admit, "but I'm still not sure. I didn't choose whether my body would favour girls or guys. You can't separate a person from their gender forever. Sasuke, what should I do?"

"Take it at your own pace," he says.

"But what about you?"

He shakes his head. "You can't push something like this. I'll go at your pace."

I can tell he wants to comfort me. And in a way, it works – but in another way, I feel almost more frustrated than I did before. It's almost as if I want Sasuke to push me, as if I need the encouragement to make that step. But will I regret it? Do I regret what I did today?

I open my eyes and turn to look at Sasuke. He looks back at me, his eyes telling me he'll say anything I need him to say. He's open, a book full of answers, showing me the answer to my question.

No, I don't regret it.

It was new, and maybe it went against my instincts, but it was worth it. Sasuke is worth everything I can give him and more. He's worth my entire life – he gave my life meaning, so doesn't it follow that he's the most important person to me?

"You said when I'm happy, you're happy, right?" I ask.

"Always."

"I like when you're happy too," I say. "I want to make you happy. If we both work on making each other happy, what's there to lose?"

"I won't be happy if you're uncomfortable."

"I know you won't ever ask me to do anything I really don't want to," I whisper in his ear. "I'll be fine. I can be strong. For you."

He hugs me tightly. I can feel his contentment in his touch.

—

It's with a peaceful mood that we go to meet Sui a little while later. The feeling hanging around the two of us is quiet, a gentle bliss, as though everything is right in the world and all hardships are postponed. Through Sasuke's fingers interlaced with mine, I can feel still his happiness, and it makes me happy too. This is what it should be like all the time, a mutual content. That's all I ask for.

We wait on one of the benches near the dorm crossings under the orange lamplight. The last of winter is still clinging to the area, so we sit close for warmth and comfort. I rest my head on Sasuke's shoulder. He occasionally passes his thumb over the side of my hand, a simple gesture that nevertheless makes me smile.

A pair of feet, in those sort-of-bulky flat shoes that I would describe as skater gear, stops in front of us. We look up to see Sui with a smile on her face.

"You two look comfortable," she says. She isn't making fun of us; rather, she seems to approve.

"Mm, wooden benches aren't the most comfy of places, but we're doing pretty well." I lift my head off Sasuke's shoulder, untangle my arm from Sasuke's, and stand up. Sasuke follows before putting his fingers through mine again.

Sui smiles at this. "It's no wonder girls are all over you guys. You could be the main characters of a shounen-ai manga."

"Not that again," I mutter.

"Well if you want to appear otherwise, you'd better change something, because your relationship is storybook perfect." She holds her hands up, thumb and finger of each extended in L shapes, and frames us in a rectangle.

I shake my head. "Whatever. I like how we are now."

"Great," she says. "Well, it's kinda cold. Wanna go get a coffee or something?"

—

We go to the coffee shop across the street from the school. It's a bit late for coffee, so Sasuke and I get a smoothie to share, and Sui opts for a slice of lemon bread and a glass of milk. We sit in the back corner of the little shop, me and Sasuke sitting next to each other, Sui across from us. She downs half of her milk in one go, then puts her elbows on the table and her chin on top of her interlaced fingers and looks at us thoughtfully.

"…What?" I ask finally.

"Oh, nothing," she says. "How are you guys getting along?"

I blink. She says it like she's known us for years.

Sui laughs. "Too fast, maybe? Well, I guess I should introduce myself properly first. Like I said before, I'm Takeda Sui. I'm the same age as you two, but I'm in third year."

"You skipped a grade?" I say before she can go on.

"Yeah, early on I did two years in one."

"You must learn quickly, then," says Sasuke.

"Ha. I don't feel like it," she admits. "The difficulty's caught up with me. But I'm still glad to have saved a year of my life."

"What are you gonna do after you graduate?" I ask. I've never really thought too much about what I'll do after school.

"I'm interested in media, but there's a lot of different stuff. I might go into television, or advertising, or something. Everyone's saying it's weird that I don't know yet, but it's all interesting to me. At least I have a general field, right?"

"Can't you take a general course for a year in college and get more specific from there?" Sasuke asks.

She nods. "That's my plan. What about you guys?"

I blink, then consider. I was always under the impression that being a popular musician didn't really require any sort of study. Now that I think about it, though, Anko-sensei always talks about weird music theory stuff that I don't understand. Is that a requirement to making good music?

"I think music is my field," I say. "Performing and stuff. I dunno, nothing else really appeals to me, 'cept maybe dance."

"Music and dance go together. You should be part of a boy band! Like those Korean ones who sing and dance. You'd be super cool," she grins.

"Maybe, but Kiba's going into some sort of animal thing, and the others aren't as into dance. It's like everyone's separating after high school." I sigh. Even though I don't see much of my friends lately, I don't want to lose the ease with which we can hang out whenever we want.

"In college, everyone around you has the same interests, so it's easy to make new friends."

I turn to the window. "Not really."

Sui's cheerful expression fades slightly. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone knows I'm the Kyuubi holder. I haven't made a friend since the beginning of last year when I met Kiba."

I can feel both sets of eyes on me. Sasuke grips my hand tightly. I sigh.

"You're wrong."

I turn. Sui is smiling.

"Starting today, you have a new friend."

She sticks out her hand. I look from it to her determined expression, then slowly smile too. I take her hand and shake it.

—

We chat with Sui about college and the like for what seems like mere minutes, but soon enough the coffee shop closes and the owner shoos us out, saying something about students being out this late at night. It's only nine, but we figure it's about time we headed back anyway.

Sasuke and I say goodbye to Sui at the dorm crossings. She's all smiles, telling us we should chat again someday or hang out or whatever. We watch as she walks away in high spirits, then turn and continue on our own way.

Sui is pretty chatty, so the silence after she leaves seems empty by comparison. Still, I feel happy as we return to our dorm room.

"You like her, don't you?" says Sasuke.

"She's fun to talk to. What, don't you?"

"I do, but I'm a solitary kind of person."

"A.K.A. a loner?"

"Hn." Sasuke smiles.

"I guess I would be social if I had the choice," I say, shrugging. "That's just part of me."

"It's not a bad thing. There are different types of people in the world."

The world. His words remind me of the nagging feeling I've had throughout our conversation with Sui.

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"What are we going to do about college?"

"What do you mean?" His tone is casual, but he tensed at my words – he knows what I'm talking about.

"Well, you're going into law, right, and I'm going into music. What if we end up…" I can't say it.

Sasuke is silent for a long time.

"I don't know," he finally says. The fact that he voiced it sends a pang of uncertainty through me.

"I – I mean, we can try to find a college with both. They exist, don't they?" I say, grasping at straws.

"Yes, but they might not be the best programs we can get into. A good college for both of us might be very far from here."

"Tokyo's not too far from here, and it's big. There's at least a chance, right?"

"We'll see." He squeezes my hand. "We don't have to think about it right now. We still have another year to go."

"Yeah."

The rest of the night is quiet. Sasuke and I simply sit together in the dorm and enjoy each other's company. Side by side, we huddle under my blanket, cozy and warm. I put my head on Sasuke's shoulder and close my eyes and think of college. For some reason I did think about splitting up with the gang after high school, but I never considered that I might be parting with Sasuke as well. The topic never came up between us, so it never crossed my mind. What are we going to do if we have to go to different places, possibly hours away? Konoha has no post-secondary schools. I never really aspired to continue my education after high school. I guess it's the kind of thing I should do, though. I want to get into music, but really I don't know much about it. I can play a couple of instruments, sure, but there are tons of much more talented people out there. What am I gonna do? I should at least try to learn as much as I can. It's a start, right? Some people never find their place in life, even after graduating. I can get into music, maybe dance too like Sui suggested, and I'm sure I'll meet people who know more.

But that's all me. What about Sasuke? I'm sure he'll get into every school he applies to. He'll get scholarships and everything. There's no way he could go anywhere but the best school. And if the best school doesn't have a music or dance program? What if there are none nearby that do? Can I deal with losing him after we've become so close? I'll be sad to leave my friends, for sure, but Sui thinks I can make new friends. Maybe in another city I can. But I'll never meet another like Sasuke. Even if I did, I wouldn't want to. I don't want to say for certain, but I think this is forever.

"Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"I'll miss you."

He says nothing for a long moment. I sigh and press in closer to him. Then he puts his arm around me and pulls me in.

"We'll find a way," he murmurs.

"I don't know."

"We still have a year and a half. We'll deal with it when it comes."

I sigh again. "Okay."

I twist around and put my arms around him and pull him so that we're lying down. He nuzzles against my neck; I thread my fingers through his hair.

"Sasuke?"

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

* * *

Again, I don't know much about the Japanese school system, so I'm basing it off of mine. I'm trying to keep it kind of vague and general so that I won't be too far off the mark, but I'm pretty sure their system is rather different from the one I know.

Sui's a kinda random character in multiple ways. In terms of her personality, she's super talkative and friendly, and isn't really fazed by much. In terms of her being in the story… well, my first impression of her rather interested me, so I wanted to incorporate her more. I also wanted to write about Sasuke and Naruto's future beyond high school, so I figured she would be a good person for them to talk to about it.

Thanks for reading!

R+F


	42. Dirty and Clean

When I wake up one Saturday morning a week or so later, it's to find two things: firstly, I'm alone under the covers whereas when I went to bed I was snuggled up against Sasuke; and secondly, remnants of a heated dream are drifting in my mind and body. Sleep still clings to me, and it's with a certain amount of lethargy that I roll over onto my other side to squint at the rest of the room through my eyelashes.

Scanning for Sasuke, I find him standing in front of his closet, his hair damp, his back to me, pulling off his shirt. I blink as the pale skin of his back is revealed from under the black fabric.

Damn hormones. Wanna hate 'em, but you just can't.

Quietly I pull my shirt off before climbing out of bed and approaching him. Then I slide my hands around his torso and pull him flush against me, not bothering to hide my morning erection, my lips brushing against his ear. He drops his shirt in surprise.

"Sasuke…"

His hand covers mine and he presses closer against my cheek. "Dobe."

I lick the shell of his ear, then kiss his neck. Feeling a little embarrassed and a little needy, I sigh. "Sasuke… I'm horny."

"No kidding," he mutters amusedly. I extend a thumb to brush his nipple and he breathes in sharply.

"You washed your hair," I note as he turns around in my hold and puts his arms over my shoulders.

"Mm." He kisses me; I respond for a little while before pulling back and attacking his neck.

"Why're you changing shirts then?"

"Dunno."

I spin us around so that my back is to the wall and tug Sasuke along as I back up; he gets the message and pushes me the rest of the way, tilting his head for a deeper kiss. I press my back against the wall as Sasuke delves forward. The resistance from both sides is oddly thrilling, a new battle. I don't suppose my breath is incredibly fresh first thing in the morning, but Sasuke doesn't seem to mind, his tongue eagerly lapping up my taste as I tease it with my own.

"Never reluctant, are you?" I mumble against his lips as his hands begin to explore my body as though they haven't already done so many times before.

"How could I ever be, when you're so eager to get jumped?" he returns, his hand flattening on my stomach. I squirm partly at these words and partly at his fingers teasing my skin, but I tell myself firmly that I'm going to have to get over the awkwardness if we're going to keep doing stuff like this.

"How do I know it's not just you who's eager to jump me?" I say.

"Maybe it is."

Refusing to let the serious side of the conversation get to me, I tug at his ear with my teeth. "Well, too bad. You're gonna have to wait." I splay my hand out flat on his lower back, dig the tips of my fingers into his smooth skin, and pull him forward, pressing my hips against his. He hisses as his own need, already stiffening under his boxers, gets some relief. I press my forehead against his shoulder as this new thrill rips through me, sensing a similar feeling filling Sasuke as well, and I toss my sanity out the window for a moment just to keep that sensation going, to be so aware of Sasuke, of his scent and his skin, his voice moaning into my ear and his member rubbing against mine. He's pressing in too; we both press onward as though trying to melt into each other, to be as close to each other as humanly possible.

"Haah," I pant, bucking into that heat, that sweet bliss, "Sasuke…"

Sasuke slams me against the wall with a dull thud; my body is flush against it when he puts his hands on it and attacks my ear with his mouth open and rolls his hips against my aching erection, pushing wave after wave of that intense thrill into every nerve of my body. I claw at his back and shoulders, bare my neck to his teeth, lock my knees to avoid collapsing, until the hot coil in my abdomen snaps violently and I climax, shuddering, with Sasuke in my arms.

Exhausted, I let my head drop against his shoulder even as he continues to press against me, creating smaller and smaller pulses of pleasure.

"Fuck," he growls, breath hot against my skin, through which I can now feel the heat and sweat that was previously ignored. He's still hard, still surging towards that liberating end. I squeeze a hand between us, grasp his side with the other, and grab his cock. His eyes fly open as he gasps. I pump roughly, his member hot and heavy in my hand, until his arms shake and he comes in a silent but powerful orgasm.

Spent, he falls to his knees, his hands dragging down my body. I take a deep breath, try to slow down my heart, glance down at the mess we've made. The usual embarrassment is smaller, less important, but still there. That comforts me – I don't want to be embarrassed, but this can't become something completely normal. It's at least a topic that should stay private.

"You should wake up horny more often," Sasuke says with a chuckle, still breathless, sitting back and looking up at me.

"It's a messy affair at best," I mutter. His eyes follow my gaze to the white liquid on my stomach, most of it his. Thinking about bodily liquids is disconcerting, so I pointedly look away again.

"And I just showered too." Sasuke slowly stands up. "Naruto?"

"Hm?"

"Would you be uncomfortable if… if we showered together?"

I blink and stare. I consider.

Sasuke glances away. "Never mind. I shouldn't have—"

"I trust you."

He looks up.

"I trust you not to do anything weird," I say, looking him right in the eye. "I won't be uncomfortable."

—

Despite my words, it's not exactly the most natural thing to get into a shower with another person, let alone a guy. The stall is meant for a single person, so there isn't much space. Sasuke says something about saving time and not wasting water and that there isn't really anything new to this; regardless, there's a difference between jacking Sasuke off and watching him strip to nothing knowing that I'm supposed to join him.

"Well?" he says, watching me expectantly. "You can't shower with your clothes on, y'know."

"…Do you have to watch?"

His smile tells me, fine, as you wish. He turns around, steps into the shower, takes the showerhead off the wall, and starts the water, adjusting it to a comfortable temperature while I get out of my boxers as fast as I can. My entire face is burning by the time I step into the shower stall.

"Look, we don't have to do this if you're not comfortable," says Sasuke, looking me in the eye, assuring me his gaze won't stray from my face unless I approve.

I shake my head firmly. "It's okay. Technically it's nothing new, but just… the way we're going about it, I guess…" I mean, it's not uncommon for kids to bathe with their siblings or parents up to a certain point, but I've never had any sort of family, and I'm pretty sure that by the time the kid becomes a teenager it starts getting awkward. Besides that, it's hard to associate Sasuke naked with anything other than sexual activities, the way it's been going – and I've actually never even seen Sasuke completely naked before.

I sigh. "Gimme that." Snatching the showerhead out of Sasuke's hand, I hook it back up and stick my head into the stream, letting the water soak my hair and run down my face. It distracts me from the stretching silence between us. I pretend the sound of the water is a constant stream of interruptions.

A hand rests on my back and I flinch instinctively. I turn my head, trying to look at Sasuke without turning my body.

"Sorry," he says, removing his hand.

"Uh…"

He glances away. I watch him for a moment, then, trying not to blush, I turn around properly. He's holding the bottle of soap in his other hand.

"Do you… d'you want me to…" He gestures with the bottle. I look at it, then at him.

"Sure," I say.

Looking relieved, he motions for me to turn around. I do so, stepping forward out of the spray of the shower. There's a silence, then the sound of the bottle's cap snapping shut. Another pause. Then warm hands covered in cool soap rest on my back. Sasuke begins to rub the soap into my skin, firmly but gently going over my shoulders, my back, my arms, like a massage. I close my eyes, feeling the tension in my mind slowly loosening. The sound of the shower is soothing, the feel of Sasuke's hands across my skin comforting. I'm used to his touch. Physical interaction is an integral part of our relationship. It makes everything seem real; it assures me that this is solid and true.

As Sasuke's hands continue down my back, his fingers tentatively start towards my sides, as though asking permission to go on. I make no move to stop him, and so he circles around my torso to my front. His hands pass over my abs, my chest, my collarbone. I know he can feel each breath I take, slow, calm, and measured. That's how I know he can feel my reaction when his hands glide over my nipples. My breath hitches and I tense automatically.

Sasuke seems amused by my inability to remain indifferent. "It's hard to avoid, isn't it?" he says quietly.

"…Yeah."

"Do you mind?" He repeats his actions, the slippery soap making the sensation that much stronger.

"Mmh… How could I?"

With that, he comes closer, pressing his chest against my back, pushing hair away from my ear with his nose before licking my skin. Smiling, I turn my head to admit a kiss on the cheek. His arms wrap around me, sliding easily over my soapy skin, his hands all over me again. Somehow the feeling is even more sensual with the soap between us. I always figured it would feel better with more friction, but there's something about the way he can press hard and still move so easily that's intensely thrilling.

He hooks his chin over my shoulder to watch along with me as he begins to rub small circles around my hip bones. Though all my skin tingles at the movement, it's also surprisingly relaxing. I find myself sinking into him, his body, his touch. I find myself not caring that he's watching my cock slowly stiffen. In fact, I find myself being turned on by it.

"Mm." I put a hand over Sasuke's and guide it downwards. He takes the cue and slides his fingers towards my member, circling it. I take a deep breath at the shudder of pleasure that ensues.

"Already up for another round?" murmurs Sasuke.

"Well," I say, then all the air leaves my lungs when Sasuke swipes his thumb over the head of my erection. When I can breathe again, I continue, "You already know that my endurance is pretty good."

Once more his thumb finds the slit and presses into it, and my knees shake dangerously. I press into his touch, my hips rolling in response to his ministrations, my head falling back as his lips meet my neck.

"You have no idea how hot you are," he purrs.

I smirk. "Do I turn you on?"

"Like you wouldn't believe."

"Oh, I can believe it." I lean back until Sasuke's against the wall, then press my hips into his, feeling his hard cock against my lower back. He groans and his hips lurch forward. I pry his hands off of me and spin around and attack his lips with an intense kiss, grinding against him, the slippery soap giving us the most amazing sensations; friction and sliding, hard members and soft skin, all this intensity and yet not enough of anything – the only constant is the raging heat everywhere, and even the shower water seems lukewarm compared to the blaze in my veins and the heat of Sasuke's mouth and Sasuke's hands and Sasuke's cock.

"Fuck – nnh, Naruto—" Sasuke's voice sends me to the edge, and I jam a hand in between us and grab both our erections and pump and then all my senses give way to white-hot pleasure and I can barely hear my own shouting, even though the sound of Sasuke's moaning is bypassing my brain and going straight to my groin. Even when the pleasure subsides I continue to press against Sasuke, trying to find what remains of the climax, until I feel his arms tighten around me and his nails dig into my skin and his teeth clamp down on my shoulder and his seed release onto our stomachs. I watch, half-alarmed, half-fascinated, as a string of thick white liquid shoots from the arousal in my hand and lands on my skin, hot and wet. And I find myself thinking that having a third go wouldn't be so bad.

Sasuke lets out a long breath right next to my ear, startling me back into the reality of the situation. I take a step back and immediately get doused in water. From there I watch as Sasuke leans against the wall, head back, catching his breath.

The expression on his face is one of content as he looks at me. Something about his direct gaze makes me flush a little.

"Come on, let's get cleaned up," he says, once more taking up the bottle of soap.

—

Somehow we manage to stop ourselves from jumping each other again, which I guess should be considered a good thing, otherwise we'd never get out of the shower stall. Sasuke gets out first, which makes it easier for me to finish showering without other things interrupting me. After drying off, I pull on a pair of boxers and exit the bathroom to see Sasuke lying on his bed, breathing slowly, eyes closed. It's nice to see him relaxed like that, with all his guards down. I can't say I dislike the way he looks when he smirks with that spark in his eyes, but it reminds me of his softer side to see him like this.

Quietly I climb in next to him and pull the covers over us. I snuggle in closer to his body, relishing the warmth, and when his arm snakes around my waist and pulls me in I press a kiss to his skin.


	43. Back to the Dance Floor

School hours drag on as though someone's purposely set the clocks to run twice as slowly. Sasuke and I get through the week by making our off-hours more interesting wherever we can, hanging out with the gang and Sui in the evening or chasing each other across the grounds or sharing Sakura-chan's Valentine chocolates or cranking up the heat in the dorm room. I lose count of the number of times we get each other off. On one hand it's relieving to not be hyper-aware of the way the count is increasing, but on the other it's a bit daunting to know we've gone past being able to keep track. Still, it's a kind of relief I've never had before – it's better than wet dreams or jacking yourself off in the shower, and from a biological point of view it's just something teenagers have to do, right?

By the last class on Friday I'm just about ready to quit school forever; Sasuke's not even in this class to be immature with and all I can do is flick notes to Sai and Sakura-chan when Kakashi-sensei is facing the chalkboard. Halfway through the class Sai suggests going to the Stoneheads after school, which makes the remaining half-lesson on photosynthesis that much longer. I swear I could try to strangle a plant by the time the bell rings.

I text the others on the way back to the dorm. Just as the last message sends and I slip my phone into my pocket, a familiar voice appears in my head.

"_You've sure been having fun this past while, haven't you, kit?"_ Kyuubi drawls. He doesn't expect me to answer out loud in public, meaning that he's free to ramble on. _"I hope you're enjoying your sins. Not that I know anything about religion," _he adds casually, _"but don't they say something about gays? You're going against nature. If nature is a religion, humans are the biggest sinners on the planet. Tons of them, too. Nature never intended technology. You shouldn't be able to harness the elements. And certainly you shouldn't feel like engaging in reproductive activities with someone of the same gender. What kind of garbage is that?"_

I close the dorm room door quietly behind me. "I don't care what you think," I say, my voice even, my heart calm. "You can try to goad me into being angry, but I'm above it. You're just a grade-school bully."

"_But you're still in grade school, technically. Grade eleven."_

"And what grade are you in, five?" I flop back on my bed.

"_Well haven't you ever wanted to be a kid again?"_

Sometimes I can't tell whether he's trying to provoke me or if he just wants conversation. I don't bother answering him.

"_I notice you don't freak out anymore when I talk to you. Gotten used to being a schizo?"_

His use of the term is deliberate, I know it. I wonder if Sasuke still thinks about that.

"_Don't start talking to me in public, though,"_ he grins._ "They'll put you in an asylum for sure."_

"I thought you knew I was aware of that." My patience for Kyuubi running out, I close my eyes and focus my mind on Sasuke and the demon's presence draws away. Then I pull out my iPod jam on my headphones and blast the music as loud as I can without hurting my ears. It feels good to drown in sound sometimes.

Though I don't hear the door opening through the thrumming bass, nor see it since my eyes are closed, I sense Sasuke's presence long before he reaches the side of my bed. I pull up a knee to give him space to sit.

"Hey, Sasuke?" I say as he sits down, stopping the music and pulling off my headphones so that I can hear him. "What do you think I should do about Kyuubi?"

When silence follows, I open my eyes. Sasuke's watching me in thought.

"We don't know any other way to suppress him," he says. "We don't really have a permanent cure. Maybe Tsunade-sensei and Jiraiya-sensei will find something. They seem to know a lot about it."

I nod. "Okay."

"Until then," Sasuke says, putting a hand on my stretched-out leg, "we'll get by with nothing but romance and sappy moments."

I smile as Sasuke's hand slides up my leg and he leans over towards me. "I hope Kyuubi's not the only reason for those."

"No, but I'll take any excuse to turn up the heat."

He kisses me, not roughly, but not exactly gently either. His hand has since continued past my thigh and onto my hip; he grips it firmly, his other hand on my chest. I hold onto his arm and pull his head closer, opening my mouth to let his tongue in.

"We're going to the Stoneheads tonight," I inform him, trailing my fingers down his neck. His shirt is black, long-sleeved, wide-necked. I push his shirt over his shoulder to his arm. His skin is pale, smooth, beautiful. He looks goddamn sexy.

"Who's we?" he asks, pressing into my touch, letting me dip under his shirt, watching my movements.

"The whole gang, and Sui, but the dance floor's big and there's a lot of people."

"Good. Let's get lost." He supports himself on outstretched arms, his hands next to my head. I gather up the fabric of his shirt from the hem, pushing it up so that I can see his waist and some of his chest. I feel around until I reach a nipple and tweak it, watching Sasuke's expression flicker with pleasure. His eyes never leave mine, but his focus falters. He stares at me in a daze. I smirk, then let my hands run down his stomach, hooking my fingers under his waistband. Instead of going further, though, I circle around to his sides, then grab the empty belt loops and tug down, revealing not even half an inch more skin; but it's enough. Though I'm finished (not that there was anything specific I set out to do anyway), I can't help passing my hand over his back, feeling where his spine is, finding those little indents just above the waistband.

"You've got lower rise jeans than this, haven't you?" I murmur, noticing his eyes dart to my lips when I speak.

He lets out a breath. "Yeah."

"Go change."

"Help me?" he smirks.

"Not until you go, teme."

"Well that's a given, usuratonkachi."

"So stop talking and go."

"I like talking with you." He puts a kiss to my cheek.

I roughly push him off and he tumbles to the floor. "Talk and walk at the same time, idiot."

"Does it feel to you like the roles have been reversed here?" he asks, sounding somewhat disgruntled, as he gets up and traipses to his closet.

My grin turns wicked. I follow him and drape myself heavily over his body, looking up at his face from over his shoulder. "Maybe you'll enjoy taking the back seat for once."

He raises an eyebrow. "What, take it from someone who knows?"

"Exactly," I say with all seriousness.

He doesn't argue. I consider that a victory on my part. Silently I resolve to take over for tonight.

I reach past him to look through his clothes. "So, low-rise. We're getting drunk tonight and I wanna see that skin of yours."

"When'd you get to be so perpetually horny?" he chuckles, picking a pair of tight-fitting jeans.

"I blame you."

"Guilty as charged." He grins. "So what shirt do you want me to wear?"

I shrug, observing the pants. "Does it matter? Everything you own hugs you like a boa constrictor."

"It all depends on how much skin you want."

"On second thought, you should wear a long shirt. It's more fun if I can _expose_ the skin myself." At the word "expose," I slip a hand under the shirt he's wearing, letting it ride up to show his stomach.

He shakes his head in defeat. "I've created a raging hormonal teenage monster."

"Yes, Doctor Uchiha, it would appear that you have." I playfully bite his shoulder, and he laughs. As I lick the places where my teeth dug in, he takes down a couple of garments and holds them out to show me. There's a snug, sleeveless, nearly jet-black shirt; Sasuke proposes to wear a light hoodie over that, a close-fitting sweater in dark blue with a black zipper and vivid lighter blue streaks and swirls across it.

"Sexy enough for you?"

"Plenty." I kiss the back of his neck in approval.

"So, will you help me change?" He smirks.

I glance at the clock. "I'd love to, but we need to meet the others soon for dinner and I think helping each other strip would end up taking a lot of time, if you know what I mean. Anyway, let's save the excitement for later, 'kay?" I reluctantly unwrap myself from around him and go over to my own wardrobe.

"Why don't you wear something tight for once?" he says, following me and hugging me from behind like I did to him.

"I can't dance in tight clothes," I complain. "I need room, teme. For this stuff too," I add, pointing to my crotch. He laughs.

"My little dobe is growing up." He ruffles my hair in a belittling way. "Remember when we got ice cream that first day? And you got all awkward because I was watching you lick it."

Despite myself I can't help chuckling at the memory. "It's still pretty damn awkward."

"Why, when we do this on a regular basis?" he says, then spins me around by my shoulders and presses his tongue into my mouth. I respond instantly and eagerly, sucking on his tongue, pushing back, trying to dominate. Sasuke realizes what I'm doing and fights valiantly, but I want to be stubborn, and I think Sasuke can tell. Perhaps he's feeling lenient, because he lets me take over. Pleased, I take his head in my hands, my fingers playing at his neck, wordlessly taking the wheel for tonight.

When we part, I ask, "Did you honestly not feel like a pervert at all staring at me back then?"

"I didn't notice," he admits.

"Even worse!" I exclaim with another laugh, pushing him away. He staggers back for show, then practically tackles me. "Okay, back to business. Clothes."

"Mm… You would look good in a shirt with a collar to here—" he traces a curve close to my neck "—and shoulders to here." He circles over my shoulder and under my armpit. I squirm away, ticklish.

"A muscle shirt?" I say, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugs. "I wouldn't know."

"I don't own clothing like that. Come on, pick something. We're gonna be late."

"We should go clothes shopping sometime," he states, looking through my stuff. He chooses a long T-shirt and the cargo pants I lent him on Halloween. I grab the sweater I got in Tokyo for warmth, observing the circling red-orange-yellow fox in approval before tossing it on my bed to be put on later.

"What are we, a parade of fashion-obsessed girls?" I mutter.

"Hey, three's a crowd, not two. Anyway, I'm just saying that I'd like to see what shape your body is without having to take your shirt off."

"Why?" I grin, shrugging off my sweater and removing my shirt. "Isn't it better if I take my shirt off?"

"It would be bad to jump you in public," he replies coolly, starting to change as well.

"Point taken." I pull my pants off easily, having long since gotten used to being in nothing but boxers around Sasuke; in fact, I'm already getting used to being totally naked around him too, thanks to our shared showers. I'm not sure if I should consider it a good thing that I don't find it weird anymore, but I guess being comfortable is a plus in most circumstances.

With enough diligence we manage not to create any further delays, and soon we're heading to the common room to meet the others. Sasuke locks up, then we go downstairs hand in hand.

The common room seems louder than usual as we approach it. We turn the corner and step in, and the room goes quiet. Then several loud squeals of adoration shatter the silence.

"Holy—" I jump and dash out again, pulling Sasuke along, and flatten myself against the wall around the corner.

"Girls!" I exclaim in terror. "Since when were girls allowed in our common room?"

"Dobe, they said so in the assembly on Monday."

"Assembly?" I blurt out before I remember that there was, in fact, an assembly. "Oh. Yeah."

Sasuke rolls his eyes.

"Who pays attention to those anyway?" I mutter, peering around the corner. Well, it's not like anyone has come out of the common room since we saw it, and there are no other exits.

"Evidently not you."

"Teme, it was first period on a Monday morning. You expect me to have been awake?"

He smirks. "Point taken, given what we were doing the night before."

"What's that?" says a voice.

I whip around. Neji is coming out of the common room, looking at us with a suspicious expression.

"Huh?" I say instantly, buying time.

"What were you doing the night before?"

"Videos on the internet," says Sasuke, not missing a beat. "We lost track of time."

I glance out the window. Sasuke's good at making excuses like that, but Neji's almost unbelievably perceptive. His suspicion doesn't disappear, but he lets it slide. "I see."

Sasuke shrugs, purposefully not making a big deal out of it. Still, Neji doesn't look convinced. "Bathroom," Sasuke says. He untangles his arm and fingers from mine before I can stop him, then slips away. A feeling of dread comes over me as I watch my companion disappear.

"Videos?" Neji says immediately.

I slowly look over. Neji hasn't missed a thing. It feels like I'm being scrutinized by a teacher.

"Um…" I try to look innocent. I already know it's futile.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do or not do," he says with a shrug. "It's not my place."

"Neji…"

"Yes?"

I flush and look away. "Don't tell anyone."

"How far have you two gone?"

The heat deepens.

"All the way?"

"No!" I say immediately. "No, I… Maybe… second base?" I can't stand to look at him. "Look, it's no different from nights at the Stoneheads, right?"

"Better yet, if it's someone you know and trust."

I turn to him, incredulous. It's hard to read Neji's expressions. He's always been more closed off than the others.

"We've all done questionable things at the Stoneheads," he says, as though offering an excuse for me to save myself with. "You can't say this is any worse."

"But I mean… we're both—"

"Guys?" he finishes for me.

"…Yeah," I say in a small voice.

"You think that's a problem anymore? Even Kiba's gotten used to the idea of you and Sasuke. He may not be comfortable with it, but your private moments aren't for us to know."

"It feels… like I'm not being honest with you guys anymore."

"Chances are we don't want to know. It's better this way, trust me."

"I guess…"

"What, do you _want_ to tell us about—"

"No," I say hastily. "It's just… such a big step. I've changed."

"You have," he says. "We've all noticed it. Since about a month ago, would that be right?"

I do a quick count in my head. "…Yeah."

"I'm not going to judge you, Naruto." He allows a smile. Now that I think about it, Neji might smile even less than Sasuke. But then again, Sasuke smiles more when I'm around, so maybe those times don't count. "Sasuke's given you something we can't."

"Sasuke's given me everything." I sigh and close my eyes, unable to stop the smile that makes its way onto my face. I don't want to.

"What's up with Naruto?"

I open my eyes. Gaara's standing in front of us, looking to Neji for his answer.

"Oh, he's busy melting into a puddle," says Neji casually.

Gaara smiles, amused. "And what's the occasion, Naruto?"

"Sasuke's not an occasion, he's a constant," I say.

A hand slides into mine. "I'm every occasion."

"Ha." I grin at Sasuke, and he smirks at my goofy expression.

"Is it just me," comes Kiba's voice from in front of the stairwell, "or did the testosterone levels in our group just fall drastically?"

"Hey, no insulting the masculinity," I warn him. But he grins, and I can't help laughing, and we knock fists. "Are the lazy ass and the creeper coming anytime soon?"

"Creeper? You wound me, Naruto-kun."

Kiba jumps; Sai was right behind him when he spoke. Despite his words, he's smiling in his usual way.

"Hey, Sai." Peering past him, I spot Shikamaru looking rather disgruntled, as though he'd been dragged out of his dorm room against his will. That's typical of a situation like this, though, so I brush it off. "Well, we're all here, so let's go!"

* * *

Neji takes the role of Naruto's older brother in Two Face, I would say. He's rational, wiser than the others. Being close in age to Naruto, he doesn't frown upon Naruto's activities with Sasuke, because he can relate better than a parent might.

R+F


	44. So You Think You Can Dance?

This chapter title has nothing to do with the show of the same name.

* * *

In the slight warmth of evening in Spring and on a partly full stomach (Naruto's excuse is that we need to leave room for drinks, even if they may just be going in one end and out the other), everyone is eager to lose the week in a long night of drink and dance. I discreetly hold Naruto back as we enter the Stoneheads, going last in the group. We all leave our jackets and sweaters at the front before diving into the crowd. Naruto, having caught on by now, follows my lead as we trail behind the others, then we make a swift turn and weave away, losing ourselves in the midst of all the other partygoers.

Naruto is exhilarated by the mood in the place, and his own excitement is contagious, leaking into me, relaxing me. His hand trails up my arm even as we swiftly travel between heated bodies, his touch screaming impatience. Finally I lose it too and whip around, stopping so abruptly that Naruto nearly crashes into me. I take the opportunity to initiate a breathless kiss, moving my body to the music, pulling him into me. He overcomes his surprise easily and begins to dance, flowing into a seamless, fluid partnership from our mouths to our hands to our hips to our feet. Just like earlier this afternoon, he demands my reactions, insistently leading, pushing onward so adamantly that I'm almost forced to let him take me along. As it is, his confidence has been increasing lately and I feel more inclined to hand him the reins for a while. He does seem to enjoy the back role, so maybe there is some merit in it after all.

Naruto has a knack for rhythm. He holds the group steady in music class; he meshes with the music when he sings along; he's completely on top of any beat when dancing. He knows exactly what he's talking about when he teaches the steps to a dance. I don't think he knows just how much music suits him. He knows how to take the lead in an environment like this, with sound blaring all around us, the bass thrumming through our very bones. He says drinking loosens him up and gives him the confidence to be more assertive where he might not usually be, but most of the confidence he feels comes from being in his element. The alcohol might be more psychological than anything. He's completely unaware of just how _right_ he looks here.

What with the combined effort of dancing and kissing, I soon have to part from Naruto so that I can get air into my lungs fast enough – breathing through my nose just doesn't cut it. He follows a little as I pull back, then his eyes open, revealing a somewhat resentful glare. I allow my hand to circle to his back and slide under the hem of his shirt, rubbing his skin in some sort of apology.

"Wouldn't want to… pass out… from lack of oxygen," I pant, amused.

"I could give you mouth to mouth," he smirks.

"In that case, I would faint any day."

"It's better when you're awake, teme." He cranes his neck forward and I allow another wet kiss. He licks my teeth, my tongue, the roof of my mouth; then he nibbles on my lips before putting a kiss on my chin and nudging it with his nose. I tilt my head back compliantly, letting him leave a trail of saliva down my neck. It's worth the attention he's giving my heated skin.

"At this rate we won't even need alcohol," I say.

He smiles against my collarbone. "Why pass up the opportunity to get even looser?" He leaves a series of bite marks as he circles to the back of my neck, his body following until he's behind me, his hands confident on my hips. "Let's go get wasted."

Despite his words, we're in no hurry; we dance in the general direction of the bar, moving through song after song, pressing our bodies together in a fervent attempt to feel as much of each other as possible. The ache in my lungs is a testament to the heat between us, the pain a blazing satisfaction within. At first it takes a conscious effort to refrain from taking over because of how natural it's become to me to lead the way for the two of us, but Naruto's higher up than me on the dance floor, and before long I find myself submitting to his confidence, fully willing to follow wherever he sweeps us.

Finally the bar comes into view and we reluctantly pull ourselves apart, though I keep my grip on Naruto's hand as we walk over.

"No whiskey this time, okay?" I tell him.

He sticks out his tongue in disgust. "No shit."

There's nowhere to sit tonight, so we hang out by the wall with our drinks. Since we're drinking to inebriate and not just for the sake of drinking, we order get the strongest stuff we can, and I end up mixing types of alcohol again. It's not long before the air conditioning in the place stops being helpful and I lose hold of the fancier half of my vocabulary. Naruto's head is already spinning, judging from the way he sways on his feet. He notices me staring and gives me a loose smile. He tries to slip his glass casually onto the bar and misses the first time. Second time he slams it down, then he grabs my drink out of my hand, tips it down his own throat, returns the glass, and shoves his tongue into my mouth. I can taste my shot on his breath, still coating his tongue. Drunk off more than just alcohol, I lick up whatever I can, hooked on the taste of him. Screw alcohol – who needs to drink when you have this?

Naruto makes a noise into my mouth. "Mm… is it just you, or is it getting hot in here?"

"Ha." I put a hand under the front of his shirt. "I'm gonna say it's me."

"You would, egotistic bastard." He tugs my ear with his teeth.

"I didn't know you were capable of big words when you were this drunk," I mutter, rubbing his back roughly.

"Oi, wouldja take it somewhere more crowded?" a loud voice calls. "Some of us wanna drink in peace."

I squint over Naruto's shoulder as Naruto turns his head. Kiba's making for the bar, looking significantly unsettled by our open display. Naruto flushes and drags me into the mass of people. Kiba shoots me a dirty look, but I can only shrug – it's no big deal to me.

"Y'know, Kiba's awesome an' all," Naruto says as we search for a place to settle, "but does it matter where we make out?"

"You gotta consider his feelings," I tell him. "I don't think he wants to see his best friend getting felt up by another guy."

"What, y'think he's jealous of you?" Naruto turns around and grins at me.

I roll my eyes. "You're so slow, dobe."

"I'm drunk!"

"If you can't figure it out sober, it's a miracle you did now."

I grab his hips and pull him in, moving my body against his. He follows my lead. The beat is infectious. He takes my head between his hands and kisses me roughly, then pulls back, seemingly bothered about something.

"Y'sure he's not in love with me?"

I remember the conversation we had a while ago, when I told Naruto Kiba loved him like a brother. "Dunno. I always thought no, but maybe he isn't even admitting it to himself. Maybe he thinks being gay's weird, like you used to, so he doesn't even realize that he's also gay…" I trail off, no longer able to think through such a complex concept for very long.

"Doesn't it bother you?" Naruto asks, licking my neck. "Shouldn't you feel all threatened or sumthin'?"

"Don't see why." I drape my arms over his shoulders. "You wouldn't ditch me for him, right? 'S'long as you aren't thinking of it, he's no problem."

"I don't wanna date my best friend. It'd be like dating your brother, and that's incest. Not that I know much about incest, considering I have no siblings."

"Yeah. I'm not worried." I shrug.

"I'm glad you're so protective of me, teme."

"I don't need to be; I already have full claim on your ass." I smirk and roll my hips against his, my body instantly firing up. He tenses at the friction, then mimics me. I let my head tip back as we grind to the music. Somehow the atmosphere of the place is all going to my head, making each touch, each kiss that much more exciting. Naruto copies the things I usually do, nipping at my throat and leaving marks, rubbing his hands all over me and touching every inch of skin he can in what comes off as a very possessive action. His body is all around me, holding me close, leaving his trace – his scent, his mark. I'm surrounded by his presence. When I suppress my dominant instincts, I find that this feeling of being claimed is actually a huge turn-on.

"Fuck, Naruto," I breathe as he pushes his erection against mine.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Sas'ke?" he murmurs, sounding pleased.

"Unh… yeah." My words are more air than sound now, my mind blanking. Everything – the heat, the pleasure, even the music is turning into an extension of him. All I can feel is Naruto.

Through heavy breathing he pants, "See, there are advantages to bein' uke."

Naruto unexpectedly stops moving. I glare at him, then realize he's looking into the crowd. I turn my head to see Sui coming towards us, but the shots are really kicking in by now and I frankly couldn't care less. I grip Naruto's hips and he takes the message, pressing his lips to mine. We pretend we haven't noticed Sui.

A couple seconds later I hear Sui's voice, raised over the blasting music. "Hey, Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun!"

Reluctantly I pull away from Naruto's mouth to glance at Sui. She looks totally energized and completely unfazed by the fact that we're pretty much humping on the dance floor.

"Enjoying yourselves?" she asks, then laughs.

"What, aren'tcha disturbed?" I shoot back, even as my hips choose that moment to lurch forward, making Naruto's breath hitch audibly.

"Disturbed? Ha." She watches us, looking almost fascinated. Then she blinks and remembers where she is. "Sorry, staring! To tell you the truth… I like watching gay guys." She winks. "It's kinda like how guys like watching lesbians, 'cept with shounen-ai you seem to get a lot more emotions."

"Isn't that weird?" Naruto half-mutters, half-shouts over the din. "Aren't girls s'posed to be the emotional ones?"

"Well that's just it. Girls write shounen-ai, so the guys in those stories are more emotional. Yuri is aimed towards guys, so less drama and more action."

"Mm, action…" I smirk and nip Naruto's ear. He tilts his head in for a better angle and I glance at Sui, who looks like she's trying hard not to do something fangirl-ish.

"Well it's nice that you're not creeped out by us," I tell her, "but we're not exactly a porn show here."

"Right, sorry. To be fair, you are in public." She smiles in a no-hard-feelings way and glances around, her eyes sliding over us as she looks in the other direction. "Have you seen any of the others? Gaara's making out with some foreign chick, and Neji's sitting at a table being boring."

"Kiba's drinkin'," Naruto says.

"Either of you wanna dance with me?" she asks, but I can tell she's half joking.

I glance at Naruto for a split second. He attempts to make some sort of facial expression, but the alcohol distorts it until I can't tell what he's trying to convey. He just looks like an idiot. (A sexy idiot.)

Sui laughs. "Nah, you guys are pretty happy here—" she raises an eyebrow in amusement "—so I won't bug ya. I'm gonna go join Kiba. But y'know, if you ever wanna switch it up… you know where to find me." She laughs again and leaves.

"Wouldja dance with Sui?" I ask, dancing us towards the wall.

"Dunno. Maybe. It wouldn't feel as good as this." As though for emphasis he squeezes a hand between us and grabs my crotch. I inhale sharply and buck into his hand. He proceeds to turn me into a puddle in his arms, grinning all the while.

"I think I've – haah – successfully converted you," I manage to say, still pressing into his touch. He spins us around and pushes me against the wall, and I have the sudden sensation of being trapped by a predator. I instantly go on the offensive, but then I remember that I'm supposed to be submitting, so with some effort I beat down the urge to take over and find that the feeling of Naruto around me is arousing me once more.

"Converted me?" he repeats, his hand finding the bulge in my pants again.

"I never thought I'd see the day that – shit," I breathe as he rubs my hard-on roughly, "that you'd feeling me up of your own free will – a lot of will, I might add."

He laughs, his voice low, sending a shiver through my spine, and purrs, "Yeah, baby."

I raise my eyebrow in amusement. "And in a public place, too." Then I hit my head against the wall as another bolt of pleasure courses through me. "Fuck, Naruto. Anyone could – nnh – anyone could see us. It's crowded in here." That's an understatement, but I can't find the rest of the words I'm looking for.

"I don't give a shit," he says, a wicked grin on his face.

"Yeah, 'cause you're trashed." I drag my fingers down his arms, desperately holding on. It's impossible not to buck into that warm grip. "This is a dance club, dobe."

I can't wrap my head around the rest of my argument, but he seems to understand anyway. He leans in and, his voice breathy and seductive as hell, "For all your complaining, you look like you're enjoying this."

"I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that—"

Someone bumps into Naruto, who in turn collides into me, his hips crashing against mine. I shout at the combined pain and pleasure. When my head is a little clearer I find that Naruto's hands are splayed against the wall on either side of my head from catching himself before he fell; his forehead also rests against the wall next to my head, his hair brushing my face. I can feel his hot breath on my shoulder.

"Naruto? Sasuke?"

Realizing that I'd closed my eyes when Naruto collided with me, I open them. It's Neji. From the looks of it, he's the one who bumped into us. Shikamaru's next to him, pointedly looking away. I can see the flush on his face.

"Whaddya want, Neji?" Naruto grunts, turning his head to look at his friend, although he doesn't move from his position.

"I hope you know this is a public place, not your dorm room," he says, although he doesn't sound very reprimanding about it.

Naruto is unfazed. "Uh huh."

"Okay, just checking. Have fun." He turns back into the crowd. Shikamaru follows him, looking relieved to not have to be in our presence anymore.

"So, where were we?" Naruto turns back to me and smirks.

"Does it matter?"

"No." He kisses me. I lose all the air in my lungs when his leg presses between mine. His thigh rubs my arousal; the friction of our jeans drives me crazy. I'm panting when he finally breaks the kiss to nip at my jaw.

"C'n I tell you something?" I ask.

"Depends. What?"

I grind briefly into him. "D'you remember a time you came here, months and months ago? Must've been September. You got so drunk you couldn't remember a thing the next morning."

"Uhh…" He stops all action to try to find such an old memory in his drunken state. "Wait. Was that the day… I skipped math class, and you found me 'n' Sakura-chan at lunch 'n' asked why I wasn't there…"

"Yeah, that day. And I caught you naked in the gym change room."

He laughs and bites my ear. "You were such a bastard."

"Yeah, well—"

"Naruto," calls a voice.

I growl in frustration.

"What is it _now_?" Naruto snaps, glaring over his shoulder.

Gaara fights his way through the crowd. "Naruto, I – oh. Am I… interrupting?" He glances at me. I can't tell if he's drunk or not, but he looks like he doesn't know whether to be shocked or to have expected this.

"Kinda," says Naruto irritably.

"O…kay. Later, then."

Naruto doesn't even wait for Gaara to leave before turning back to me and rolling his hips. I groan loudly, fairly certain that Gaara's still within earshot but not giving a shit.

"You were saying?" he murmurs.

"I was saying…" It takes me a minute to remember. "Right, that night you were at the Stoneheads. Got smashed. You met a hot girl."

"And you know this why?"

I grin. "Then you realized she was a guy. And you danced with him."

"Jealous? It's not like I had no one t'dance with before we got t'gether. How d'you know this anyway? Were you stalking me?"

"Stalking?" I scoff. "Idiot, that guy was me."

I watch his face as the concept settles in his mind. He stares at me. "Wait. Wait, when was this?"

" 'Bout a week or two before your birthday."

His eyes narrow as he thinks. It looks like hard work. "And I danced with a _guy_?"

"I guess subconsciously you wanted me too," I smirk, licking his jawline.

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"Dobe, would I lie about something like this?"

"I don't see why you would tell the truth either… And why wouldn't you tell me sooner?"

"Think about it, usuratonkachi! Before we got all comfortable doing shit like this, how would you react if I told you we'd been doing it before we even knew each other?"

He processes this, then laughs, a low chuckle that I can feel against my skin. "Dunno, but that's in the past now, ain't it?"

I feel my eyelids flutter and my head tip back as he bites down on that sensitive spot on my neck. "That's why I told you now."

"You're such a pussy," he breathes.

"Excuse me, I'm a guy."

"Well now that's just vulgar." He sticks his fingers into the waistband of my jeans long enough to pop the button, then works the fly down. I gasp as his fingers slide around my cock.

"Naruto, if we – haah – if we stay here, more people are gonna find us," I pant, but I can't force myself to make him stop delivering that bliss. I convince myself that his hips are close enough to mine to hide the fact that he's got his hand in my boxers, at least if you're looking from the right angle and aren't too close. "Shit…"

"Yeah." He strokes my erection firmly. "The only person who hasn't run into us yet is—"

"Enjoying yourselves, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-san?"

Sai.

Fuck it all.

"Aren't we allowed t'dance in peace?" Naruto slurs angrily, pulling his hand out and pressing it against my chest. His being drunk reduces the effect of his anger.

"You think you can dance in peace in a night club?" Sai says.

"Stop being a smart-ass, Sai."

"I'm just not drunk. If it's privacy you want, a club isn't really the place you should be looking."

"Fucking smart-ass." Naruto cranes his neck to lick my ear.

I stare at Sai through half-lidded eyes. He at least doesn't seem bothered at all. Knowing him, this probably turns him on.

"Just trying to help out," says Sai with a small shrug.

"Fine, whatever. Sas'ke 'n' me're going home then, for more _privacy_."

And with that Naruto grabs my shoulder and pulls me through the crowd towards the exit. I get enough thought through my brain to do up my pants as Naruto drags us out, but we're both still hard and it's not exactly easy to hide.

"Naruto, in case you haven't noticed, we're walking around with hard-ons. It's kinda painful in my case."

"That's why I toldja, you need room for your junk," he says. "Anyway, we can't exactly hide this. We'll taxi home?"

"Uh huh."

We get our sweaters from the coat check. Since I'm still burning up inside, I tie my hoodie around my waist, then realize that helps hide the bulge a little. So I tell Naruto, and he does the same, and we go home with fire and hormones flowing through us.

* * *

Interruptions are such fun! And it's about time Sasuke told Naruto about that incident from back in chapter four. Besides that short conversation, though, not much plot in this chapter. I just wanted to write a Stoneheads chapter in which Naruto isn't squeamish about dancing with Sasuke for once – quite the opposite now. Well, I can keep convincing myself that every chapter is plot because the plot is the development of their relationship.

R+F


	45. Code J

Drunk outta my mind isn't exactly the easiest state to be in while trying to walk home from the front of the school. Luckily Sasuke's got enough balance for the both of us (how the hell does he do it? It's like he's immune to alcohol), which gives me an excuse to cling to him until we make it back. The lights in the dorm building's halls hurt my eyes, so when we get into our dorm room and Sasuke flicks the light on, I grab his hand and flick it back off before pinning him against the wall.

"Dark is better," I murmur into his ear. He shivers. "Let's pick up where we left off, yeah?"

I untie my sweater from around my waist and throw it off to the side somewhere, then do the same for Sasuke's. Then I crouch down until my head is at the level of his stomach and take the hem of his shirt in my teeth. I can feel his eyes boring into my head as I slowly drag the shirt upwards. When I get up to his chest, I take over with my hands and pull it over his head, then glance at his nipples. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea to… I mean, I liked it when he did it to me. I should return the favour, right?

"Naruto, what're you—"

Sasuke's words are cut short when I press my tongue flat against one nipple. He gasps, his hand flying to the back of my head. I flick the nub with the tip of my tongue, amazed at how it hardens slowly in response to my teasing. The sound of Sasuke's heavy panting is turning me on. Just to switch it up, I take the nub carefully between my teeth and roll it gently. I hear a dull thud as Sasuke hits his head against the wall. I press my lips to his skin and suck. He moans.

"N-Naruto…"

"Mm…" I give his nipple one last lick. "Say my name again, Sas'ke." Then I switch to the other side.

"Naruto, Naruto," he pants, his grip on my hair painful. It's hard to multitask through the fuzziness in my head, but I manage to figure out the fly of his jeans and I pull them down with his boxers, letting them fall to his ankles. I run my fingers through the patch of dark hair there, then let my hand circle his erection. "Nngh…"

He fumbles with the button of my pants. I rest my head against his shoulder, letting go of Sasuke to try to pull off my shirt, but it's hard with the teasing Sasuke's hands are doing. Finally, though, I get my clothes off, and I kick my pants and boxers aside so they won't get in the way.

Before I can make another move, he grabs my shoulders and switches our positions.

Feeling sorta angry beyond the haze of lust, I mutter, "Who said you could take over?"

"I'm not taking over… Consider it my chance to worship your body, oh glorious temporary seme," he breathes, voice thick and low. I try to think of a comeback, but there's not much to complain about in what he said and anyway I stop being able to think when he suddenly squeezes my member.

"Fuck—" Stars pop in front of my eyes as the pressure shoots pleasure through me like thunderbolts. I must be flying – there's stars and lightning in the dark and I feel all floaty – then Sasuke presses against me and rolls his hips hard, making us both groan.

"Don't space out on me, Naruto," he murmurs into my ear.

"It's not my fault you're so – haah – good at this…"

He blazes a trail of wet kisses down my body, from my mouth to my jaw, down my neck, all over my chest – he doesn't miss the chance to tease my nipples – and onward to my abs, which tremble under his touch. But he doesn't stop there; he glances down and pumps me a couple of times, considering… I don't know what he's considering.

"Sasuke?"

"Hmm…" He holds my cock steady, stares at it, as though preparing for something.

"S-Sasuke," I say, not really sure I want him to keep going, "Are you gonna – I – I'm not sure about this; maybe we shhh_hhhhhhit…_" My words turn into a long breath as a hot, wet, _amazing_ sensation engulfs my cock, which just got harder if possible. There's no up or down, no air to breathe, nothing I can see; the only thing I can feel is that slick feeling sliding down my erection. Something else, also hot and wet, moves against the underside of my cock, pressing on the vein, a rough texture combined with the slippery slickness. I can't see anything. I can't think. I must have died and gone to heaven.

"Naruto."

It's the sound of Sasuke's voice as much as the fact that it's my name that calls to me. Dazed, I open my eyes (when did I close them?) and look down. Sasuke is staring up at me from the level of my hips, his mouth slightly open. His lips are wet with saliva – and so is my cock.

"S-Sasuke – did you just—?"

"Why're you so surprised?" he asks innocently, his eyes flicking back to what's in front of him.

"It's – ohh…" I forget what I was gonna say when his hand gives me a couple of strokes, the still-warm liquid doubling the sensation. "…Fuck."

"Tell me what feels good," he says. "If I do something you like, say so." And, right in front of my eyes, his lips cover the head of my erection again.

"_Shit_—" It's all I can do just to stay on this world; the sight of Sasuke's mouth sliding on my cock, the way I can feel his lips in time with what I see… My mind goes blank.

"Well?" he says, letting my length fall from his mouth again.

"It's kinda hard t'think," I say, my words slurring into each other.

"Hn." He doesn't look very impressed, though it's hard to tell with my head swimming like this. "I'll have to listen for your reactions then."

He sticks his tongue out and I feel my cock jump in his hand. He smirks at my reaction to such a small gesture. Then he tries again. Carefully he draws the tip of his tongue along the slit at the head of my cock, making me shudder. Knees weak, I moan, then slide down the wall into a sitting position. Sasuke's tongue never stops what it's doing. He flicks the head, then gives a long lick from the base right up to the top. Staring through a haze – whether real or imagined, I can't tell – I watch as thick, clear liquid stuff slowly oozes out, threatening to drip down. Sasuke laps it up.

"S…Sasuke…" I breathe. "What is that?"

"How drunk are you?" he says, sounding unimpressed. "It's precome, dobe. Bitter, but I never did like sweets much…" He licks another bead away. "It doesn't taste that good, but… fuck, it's addicting."

He reaches down with his free hand to his own erection and starts pumping himself. His breathing picks up; I can feel the air against my cock, cold compared to the heat raging within me.

"Sasuke… why're you…"

"Sucking you off?" He kisses my erection lightly, then stares right into my eyes with the sexiest look I've ever seen. "I thought it'd be fun."

"You're not sucking yet…" I mutter.

His smile turns wicked. Belatedly I realize the implication of my words. "I should fix that."

He wraps his lips around my length again then, without warning, hollows his cheeks. I'm screaming and I can't even hear myself; it's searing hot, burning with pleasure – it scorches me from the inside out until the heat explodes in my abdomen and I feel my own seed shoot out as I release in the most intense orgasm I've had yet.

Sasuke's mouth is still firmly around my cock; he moans and lets his hand fall to the ground to support him, his other still stroking himself. I put my hand on his shoulder and motion for him to come closer; when he does, I take over what he was doing, pumping hard and fast, listening to his moans and gasps, his thudding heart and his ragged breathing. Through the haze I feel bad for coming before him, but I keep going and going until he comes too, his legs shaking, his head pressed against the wall, his hair tickling my skin.

He holds himself up for a few moments, panting, then collapses onto me. I rub his back slowly, and after a while he drags his own arms around my torso. He pushes himself up and faces me, and I lean forward for a kiss.

"I wouldn't if I were you," he says, dodging my lips, "unless you want a taste of your own come."

"Uh… maybe not, then." I squirm. "You… swallowed it?"

"Well what did you expect me to do?" he asks as though I asked a stupid question.

"But it's… That's kinda…"

"It doesn't taste great," he admits, flopping back down against me, "but like I said, it's fucking addicting… It turns me on…" He licks his lips as though hoping to catch any remains.

"I… don't think I c'n do that," I tell him frankly.

"Then don't." He nuzzles my neck. "C'mon, or else we're gonna fall asleep on the floor."

Exhausted, I manage to stand up with his help and we collapse into his bed, not caring about the mess. He has the sense to pull the covers over us before pressing his chest to my back and hugging me close. I relax into his hold.

"Y'know what, Sas'ke?"

"What?"

"Control is overrated."

—

I wake up to the sound of pounding drums. Confused, I crack my eyes open to see too-bright sunlight flooding in from the crack between the window and the curtain. Then I realize the pounding is in my head.

Sasuke stirs next to me. His arms tighten around my torso for a moment before his eyes open and he squints at me.

"…Ugh." He puts a hand to his head.

"Hangover?" I smirk. I twist around so I'm facing him, then kiss him.

"Whataboutyou?" he slurs.

"You already know I don't get real hangovers. Lights are still too bright though," I add, glaring at the innocent window. "And if I try to stand up I'll probably fall over."

"Fuck, my head…" He buries his face in my shoulder as though trying to push the headache away. Taking pity on him, I thread my fingers into his hair and gently massage his scalp.

"Go drink some water," I tell him. "Actually, we need to shower anyway, so let's go."

I gently pry Sasuke off of me and get up slowly to avoid keeling over. As it is, it's impossible to avoid making my head spin, and I sway briefly, holding on to the headboard of the bed for support. Then I help Sasuke up.

I dunno if I'm just biased, but I think it's easier for me to keep control of myself than it is for Sasuke to control himself. As it is, he's in too much pain to think of anything dirty, so our shower thankfully passes in relative peace. After a refreshing shower and a lot of water in his system, he seems to be feeling if not completely normal then at least a bit better.

It's while we're eating breakfast that my cellphone buzzes in my pocket. Curious, I pull it out to find a text message there: _Naruto. Can we talk later? Code J. Gaara._

Though the message is short, I read it over and over, as though looking for clues in the few words that will tell me what Gaara was thinking when writing it. We haven't used Code J in ages… Why now?

"Code J?"

I look sideways to find Sasuke reading next to me.

"It's… J for Jinchuuriki," I explain quietly. "We use it when we want to talk about it but not really say it out loud." I check the time – nearly noon already – then press the reply button.

Sasuke frowns. "Why would you need a code? Can't you all just talk freely?"

I send my reply: _Meet me at noon._

"It's not all of us," I say. "Just me and Gaara. I can't really tell you. It's not just me – it's confidential; it's something between us. Well, I have to go talk to him now," I say. Packing up my garbage, I give him a quick kiss on the cheek, then stand. "I'll meet you back at the dorm, 'kay?"

I toss my garbage on my way out, then make for the back of the third years' dorm building, where Gaara and I meet on occasions like this. He's already there when I arrive.

"Hi," he says.

"Hey."

"How are you?" he asks, gesturing towards the path nearby. We start walking.

I shrug. "Sasuke's got a major hangover. I'm fine as usual."

Gaara seems amused by this. "I take it you had a good night?"

I vividly remember it. All of it. I laugh awkwardly. "You could say so."

"Sorry about, uh, interrupting you yesterday. Um…" Gaara waves a hand helplessly. It's not exactly the easiest of topics to breach.

"Don't worry about it. I think it's best we kinda, y'know, forget it ever happened."

"I'm up for that."

I nod, relieved. "So, Code J. How long has it been since we've used that?"

Gaara becomes quiet – not that he was talking, but his mood seems to shift as we turn to the subject we intended to discuss. "It has been a while, come to think of it. I guess I just…" He looks out into the grounds. "I can't really relate to you anymore, since I… lost Shukaku, I guess you could say."

Sometimes I forget that Gaara was once a Jinchuuriki too. Shukaku, the Ichibi, was the tailed demon Gaara had been charged with. In a lot of ways he had it tons worse than me – there was a mistake when they locked away Shukaku; Gaara couldn't sleep without giving the demon free reign over his body.

"But… I mean, Kyuubi's power has been growing," I say. "We have different triggers, but it's the same situation, right? When Kyuubi was let out, he attacked whoever came close, friend or foe." I swallow the lump that rises in my throat at the vivid image of Sasuke drenched in blood. "You know what that's like. You can relate to me better than anyone else."

He shakes his head. "Shukaku could only ever come out if I'd passed out from exhaustion. I don't remember anything from those periods of time. You witnessed every moment of yours."

"I'm afraid of it happening again," I admit. "I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not Sasuke. What if he gets involved again? How can I protect him from myself?"

"You need to teach yourself not to be affected by provocation," says Gaara, patiently but firmly.

I sigh. "I should get Kyuubi removed or something like you—"

"No!"

Gaara abruptly stops and grabs my shoulders. I stare at him; his expression is one of panic, his tone near-desperation.

"You can't, Naruto." He stares at me, as though he's angry.

"Why not? You did it."

"It wasn't my choice!" Gaara lets go of me forcefully and turns around, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "They took me by force and experimented on me. By all rights I shouldn't have survived. The chances of you also making it are extremely slim."

I think about this. Then slowly I say, "It might be worth it, if it means I'd be rid of Kyuubi."

"No." His determination surprises me, as does the blaze in his eyes when he looks at me again. "It might have almost been worth it two years ago. But not now. You have friends, Naruto. You have important people, and you're important to them. Do you think it would be fair to leave Sasuke now?"

It's as if someone grabs my heart and tries to wrench it out. I stagger back.

"It might not look like it," Gaara says more softly, "but I think Sasuke really needs you too. He puts up a strong front. He seems to be supporting you, but… I talked to him once, a while ago. He used to be as lonely as you were, Naruto."

I don't know what to say. I can't sort out the turmoil of emotions that's suddenly started raging inside of me.

"…He told me all he wanted was to make me happy," I mutter, half to myself.

"He needs you, more than you know, more than even he knows. I don't know about his past, but he doesn't have family either, right? He needs family. He needs someone he can support, and someone to support him."

"And if I end up hurting him because I can't control Kyuubi?"

"Simple. You don't let that happen." Gaara puts a hand on my shoulder again, but this time it's an act of comfort. "You're going to be living with Kyuubi for the rest of your life, Naruto. You talk to him, right?"

I nod. The gang made a big deal about it when I told them, but Gaara didn't seem surprised.

Gaara says, "Maybe you can get to know him better. Befriend him, like you did with Sasuke."

"Is it even possible to befriend a demon?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know. Shukaku was never friendly or even polite. What does Kyuubi talk to you about?"

I shrug. "He complains a lot. I think sometimes he tries to goad me into getting angry with him, but he's not that much trouble to deal with. Anyway, he doesn't like the feeling of human affection, so he stays away while I'm with Sasuke."

Gaara frowns at this, like he has something to say but doesn't want to.

"What?" I ask.

"…Sasuke isn't going to be beside you forever, Naruto."

I exhale at these words, feeling like a deflating balloon. "I know."

"You still have to teach yourself to avoid falling into Kyuubi's hold. Don't ever let anyone provoke you. You have to tell yourself you're above that."

"I'm above insults aimed at me," I agree, "but no one gets away with dissing my friends."

Gaara shakes his head. "Look, it's nice that you have a good sense of justice and all, but you don't need to fend for us. It's only going to make problems for yourself – look what happened with Yukio. Look what happened to Sasuke."

I resent Gaara for using that against me, but I know it's true. It still hurts to think about it. I try not to; I see those scars almost every day, faint, but still there. I detach that vision from the event. But if I think about the event, it hurts.

"You get it, don't you?" says Gaara.

For a moment I don't move. Then I nod.

"Yeah. I get it."

* * *

Yes… That is what Gaara so urgently wanted to talk about… Not very urgent, is it? Sorry.

R+F


	46. As You Know It

The next week seems to go by even more slowly than the previous one, and to top it all off we have two major Japanese assignments due the following Monday. Iruka-sensei is an easy teacher, but even he can't avoid the amount of homework the curriculum requires us to have, and so we're stuck with an essay about some ancient Japanese literary work and it just happens to be on the same day Sasuke and I have to do an extensive presentation.

Me being me, of course, I haven't even started my essay. Out of the possible topics we were given to choose from, the only one I feel even slightly knowledgeable about is the development of the main character through the story. Sasuke picked the one about the guy's family. How the hell do you write about his family? They mentioned his brother in about three of the chapters…

Sasuke's done a bit of his essay, but he seems to be slow this time around – usually he has it done days before it's due, unlike the vast majority of the student population who either finishes at two in the morning the night before, or doesn't even get it done for the due date. (I have to admit I often fit in those categories.) He usually nags me about homework and how I shouldn't be leaving it until the last possible minute. Maybe I've gotten dependent on his constant reminders, but I'd totally forgotten about the essay until now.

So Saturday after breakfast (which is late, seeing as how we got up late) finds us toiling away at our respective desks, trying to make sense of this literature stuff. Well, I am, anyway. Sasuke probably knows the book so well he could pass it off as his own writing. I put music on, finding it less mind-numbingly dull that way. We work for what seems like hours, until Sasuke's pencil clatters down on his desk and his chair creaks.

I look up. He's leaning back on his chair, facing me, arms hanging, legs sprawled. The expression on his face is one of mild irritation.

"Can you use your headphones or something?" he asks.

"Oh." I plug them in. I'd forgotten Sasuke can't work with music on (I think he's crazy). "Sorry."

Checking the clock, I realize we've only been working about half an hour. I groan to myself and, with an impressive amount of willpower, get back to work.

But you know how it is – unless you're extremely pressed for time, you just _will not work_. I go to the bathroom, get snacks, play button-mashing internet games…

"Naruto," Sasuke mutters.

"Huh?"

"Are you working or not?"

Guiltily I close the game. "Working."

I work. Then I text Kiba. Then he texts me back, and we chat for a bit. After that Kiba goes off to do his own homework. Five minutes later Sasuke interrupts me again.

"Naruto!"

I freeze, realizing I'd spaced out and was tapping my pencil against my desk.

"…Yes?" I say meekly.

"If you're not gonna work, at least don't disturb me. Go outside or something."

"Sorry," I say even more meekly. I grab my music and cellphone and leave. I can't help thinking that I've just been kicked out.

I take a deep breath of the spring air and go for a walk around the grounds. The last of the cold has gone, and it's nice enough outside to be wearing a T-shirt sometimes if it's sunny. Today, large, white, fluffy clouds glide across the sky, casting huge areas of shadow on the grass. I watch these shadows slip by, occasionally blocking the sun from my view.

But I can't stick around very long. Thing about homework is, even if you're procrastinating and doing something else, it keeps nagging at the back of your mind; and when you're doing something as unengaging as walking and listening to music, the nagging is a lot more annoying. For a while I try to deal with it, since I don't want to bother Sasuke while he's working. But after a bit another nag shows up.

"_Hey, slacker!"_

I glance around. No one is near enough to hear me.

"Good day to you too, demon," I mutter.

"_Y'think if I yell loud enough other people will hear me too?"_ Kyuubi asks, a wide grin clear in his tone. He doesn't bother waiting for my response – he knows it'll never come. _"So I heardja talking to the other Jinchuuriki last week."_

"My friends have names, Kyuubi."

"_That's funny, 'cause I don't. Not like Shukaku."_

"Should I name you then? I think I'll call you Kitsune-chan. Hey, Kitsu-chan, you should help me with my homework."

He ignores the nickname. _"You think I give a shit about Japanese literature?"_

I shrug. "It was almost worth a try."

Though I can't see him, I can tell when he narrows his eyes at me. _"Why are you suddenly being so friendly? I thought you hated me. I'm the bane of your existence, remember?"_

"Didn't you hear what Gaara said?" I ask casually. "Since you're gonna be with me the rest of my life, I figured we could make amends and get along instead of struggling to fight for all eternity. Wouldn't that be nice, Kitsu-chan?"

"_But fighting is so much more fun,"_ he whines. _"Why would I befriend you, anyway? You always torture me the way you cuddle up with the Uchiha kid all the time. And I don't suppose you would give that up for _my_ sake."_ If I could see him, I just know he would be rolling his eyes.

"True," I admit. "Anything else I can tempt you with?"

He turns his nose away in disdain. _"Can't bribe a demon, kit."_

"If I told you I would stop torturing you with human affection and all that shit?"

Suspiciously he considers my words. _"Would you?"_

I snort. "No."

Kyuubi's eyes turn to slits and, with a low rumble deep in his throat, he slinks back into the darkness.

I allow myself a smile of triumph. I've managed to drive him off – it's the first time he's retreated of his own will. Kyuubi has always been my number one enemy, even more than Sasuke or Yukio could ever have been. To think of befriending him is unbelievable, but I've never met a person who, deep down, I didn't ever want to stop hating. Kyuubi could be the same, maybe. He's not human, and thinks differently than humans do, but he is similar. Wouldn't it be better if we could co-exist in harmony instead of in dissonance?

Just as I walk into the dorm, I hear a growl of frustration and a paper being scrunched up. I approach Sasuke just in time to have a crumpled paper ball whack me in the forehead.

"Oi, teme!" I pick up the paper and, half in revenge, half in fun, toss it back at him. It bounces off the back of his head and onto the floor. He's still for a moment, then he spins around in his chair and looks at me with the dirtiest glare I've seen in a long time. Then he stands up. I back away instinctively, distinctly regretting thinking Sasuke was in the mood for teasing.

"Dobe," he growls, and slams me against the wall. I gasp at the impact, shuddering inside at the way he spoke – low, dangerous, _sexy_ – then suddenly his mouth is on mine, tugging, biting, licking, demanding. He doesn't wait for me to respond, he just blazes on and I can only struggle helplessly, swept away in his current. His passion is torrents and rapids, rough and unrelenting and unforgiving; he claws at my shirt until I pull it off lest he tear it, and within the maybe-thirty-seconds between my coming in and now, he's already hard against my thigh, rolling his hips relentlessly. He grabs at my back, my arms, my shoulders, blunt nails dragging sharp fire into my skin, and bites everything he can find. His breath is hot and heavy and ragged, shuddering. He grinds and grinds and then he buries his face in the nape of my neck and holds me tight and comes powerfully but silently, panting like he just ran a marathon.

"F…fuck," he gasps, hanging onto me as though about to collapse. I grab his upper arms and slowly lower us to the floor, watching him in concern, trying to keep at bay the hormones he just set loose within my bloodstream.

"Sasuke?" I say quietly, trying to look into his face, but his head is hanging and his bangs hide his features.

"Sorry," he mutters. "Stressed."

Not knowing what to do, I put my arms around him. He accepts the hug, sitting still in my hold, quiet. I lose track of how long we stay like that. It doesn't matter. I'm at peace here.

Sasuke isn't weak. He's always the one supporting me, always able to cope with whatever comes his own way. Although this is kind of new to me and I'm not sure if I should be worried, a part of me feels glad to be able to provide Sasuke with something, anything, no matter how small.

Sasuke stirs. I let go of him. He gets up and goes to his closet. I return to my essay, listening to the sounds of Sasuke washing off briefly at the sink before changing into fresh clothes. I hear him walk back over. His arms wrap around my shoulders and he presses his cheek against mine, holding me with a sense of affection I'd almost forgotten we had. Then he returns to his work.

Somehow, after that, I manage to get through the rest of my essay without getting distracted once. I don't even listen to music. The dorm room is quiet but for the sound of writing and clicking and typing. Sasuke finishes a bit before our usual dinnertime, and I follow shortly after. We go to eat, hand in hand, in silence.

Allowing myself a break from work, I lay back on my bed after dinner. I'll go back and edit my essay later tonight, and then I'll be done. I'm not tired enough to fall asleep, but I do feel a sense of serenity, tranquility.

Sasuke silently sits on the edge of my bed. I hold out my hand, and he takes it. Then he climbs on and lies next to me, resting his head in the crook of my neck.

"Naruto?"

"Hm?"

"Can I tell you about my family?"

This I did not expect. I glance down at him – he's watching my face, a strange expression in his eyes.

Sasuke's essay topic had to do with the concept of family. I don't know much about Sasuke's family, so I don't know what part of the story might have triggered this. Maybe it wasn't even the essay – maybe it was something completely different.

"Tell me anything," I say, gently sifting my fingers through his hair. He relaxes at this gesture.

"When I was seven… Itachi kidnapped me."

He takes a deep breath, as though he hasn't even started his story. I can only listen.

"He was part of a gang called Akatsuki. They were a big part of the underground scene, but they'd never been caught. My parents knew that – they both worked in the police force. But no one knew Itachi was part of it."

I know the Uchiha family headed the police force. I never knew the details of its collapse.

"Akatsuki wanted my family's money. Old money… Uchiha is an old name. Itachi used me for ransom. His gang took me to some old abandoned building, pointed a gun to my head, and sent my parents an ultimatum.

"It didn't work the first time. The police force took care of the situation with no problems. They arrested the guys who were watching over me – they never knew it was Itachi's plan. I didn't know until later."

Sasuke's arms pull themselves more securely around my torso. I continue to comb through his hair. I know how much it calms him.

"I was terrified," he whispers. "I was seven. Strange men were threatening to kill me and the only hope I had was in adults I didn't know and couldn't see, and my father, who never acknowledged me. How did I know he wasn't going to just leave me?"

"He wouldn't leave you," I say immediately. "Even if he didn't seem to acknowledge you."

"No." Sasuke's expression turns hard. "I worked hard, as hard as I could every day to impress him. He never, ever was impressed. He was always impressed with Itachi's achievements, at school, at work. Itachi was always smarter than me. And he was older, so he'd done it first. I… got the impression I was never good enough for my father."

"Sasuke…"

He shakes his head, then resumes his story. "I was saved, and life went back to normal for the next few weeks. None of us ever suspected Itachi. I… I still remember, the very same day he destroyed everything… I asked him to help me with my homework, and he flicked me on the forehead the way he always used to and said 'Sorry, Sasuke, next time.' "

He rubs his forehead as though he can still feel it. Then he pushes closer to me again, mumbling against my skin.

"That night, I was taken again. They tied me up at the edge of the roof of a skyscraper. It was a decoy this time – they lured the police force out to where I was while Itachi hacked into our family's bank accounts. But Akatsuki slipped up. My mother found out what Itachi was doing and she and my dad went to stop him along with some others in the force." Sasuke clutches me tight, trying to shut out the memory even as he retells it. "My mother wasn't even in fieldwork. There wasn't supposed to be any danger in her job. When they released me, I went to the place where they'd intercepted Itachi… He was standing there in the alleyway, holding the knife that killed my parents."

I don't know what to say. This isn't the kind of trauma a child – or anyone – should have to endure. I never saw my parents die. Kyuubi didn't change my life as I knew it; I don't know what it's like to have family. For Sasuke's own brother to do this…

"It was a long time ago," he says quietly.

I hold him close. "Don't worry. I'm here for you if you need me."

"Thank you," he whispers.

* * *

Sasuke finally explains his past. He mentioned it waaaay back in chapter nine, when he by chance saw Itachi on the street. I tried to make the story kind of parallel to the canon, but it gets pretty difficult… Whether or not you like it is up to you.

Why is Itachi still at large? Why is he lurking around downtown in the middle of the day? Why isn't he in prison? Who knows…

This is a big step for Sasuke. Sasuke rarely shows his weaknesses – it's always Naruto that has something to say, always Naruto who needs Sasuke to support him… Like Gaara said last chapter, Sasuke probably needs Naruto more than either of them knows.

R+F


	47. The Shattering

The very moment you think you're in heaven…

I realize this chapter doesn't really flow from the previous one. Sorry about that. I guess out of 111 chapters not all of them will be good in every respect…

* * *

I'll take any excuse to touch Sasuke. Any.

Holding hands is a nice sentiment, but sometimes you brush accidentally or you see a couple kissing or you just start thinking about dirty things, and then holding isn't enough. You need friction, you need movement. You swipe your thumb over the back of his hand; he rubs the middle of your palm. You link arms with him, you let him put his arm across your shoulder, you ruffle his hair and drape your body over him, constantly having to remind yourself to stay decent in public and yet unable to keep completely to yourself.

And then you make it back to privacy, and all barriers drop.

Sasuke's scent has been teasing me all day. He does this to me every day – every week. I bury my face in his chest and take a deep breath. I could melt. I could just hold him against me and breathe him in forever. His scent fills me with the awareness of his presence – his arms around me, his fingers trailing almost undetectably down my back, his bare skin against mine. I press against him, already hard just from thinking about all of this, from stripping each other down to nothing and from feeling his hot body pressed close and from smelling everything that is him.

"Touch me, Naruto," he breathes, his hands all over my torso.

"Only if you keep talking like that."

Sasuke makes his voice lower, breathier – sexier. "Naruto… I want you to touch me."

I latch onto his neck with my mouth. "How could I resist?"

I put a hand on the wall to support myself and wrap the other around Sasuke's cock. His fingers dig into my back. "Yes… Naruto…"

Slowly, so slowly, I slide my hand up and down his length. He groans.

"Go faster…"

I obey, but just a little. Sasuke clings to me, his arms hot against my shoulders, his hands against my back. His hips lurch forward, trying to make me go faster, but I hold his hip steady with my other hand.

"Dammit, Naruto, stop teasing me," he groans. His voice drives me wild. "Faster… go fast. I need more."

"More?" I repeat, picking up the pace to something not-quite-fast. He claws at my skin, then roughly grabs my own aching member, tugging it harshly in the process. I shudder and let go of his, my hand pressing against his chest as I grasp for support.

"Dobe…" he says warningly.

"Show me how you want it," I tell him. "Show me, then I'll do it for you."

I allow him a moment to catch his breath, then roll my hips into his hold, signalling him to move. He starts out slowly, like I did, but not as slow. His grip is firm, sensual. I feel my knees go weak as he pumps faster, pulling, squeezing. I can barely stand. I can't think. All I know is the adrenaline and the hormones.

"Pay close attention, Naruto," he whispers into my ear. "This is how I want it. Can you feel it?"

"Yes," I breathe. "Shit, yes."

"Do you want me to keep going?"

"You have to ask?" I pant. As though in response his hand falters and I buck into his touch, pressing urgently into him. "Don't stop, Sasuke, don't stop…"

He smiles. "How far should I go?"

"Fuck, Sasuke," I moan, not caring how loud I am or what I'm saying. "Keep going, don't let go, make me come, Sasuke!"

He squeezes my cock and I cry out. He moves so fast that everything is a blur of heat and pleasure. I can hear moaning; I don't know if it's me or him, but it's going from my ears straight to my groin and I can't hold in the heat any longer and the pleasure surges through me with a shudder that racks my entire body.

"…Shit," I finally manage to say. Sasuke smiles, then pulls me into a kiss, which I can't hold for very long because I need to breathe.

"Touch me," he whispers again, taking my hand in his.

I kiss each of his fingertips, then let go of his hand. Glancing down, I notice the white streaks on Sasuke's stomach. I smile knowingly.

"Less friction is better, isn't it?" I murmur.

Slowly, as though unsure of my motives, he nods.

I bring my hand to his torso and wipe off the liquid, gathering it on my fingers. His eyes widen as he realizes what I'm going to do. I meet his gaze and hold it, and he shivers.

"Look at me, Sasuke," I tell him. Never breaking eye contact, I reach forward. My fingertips meet his abs and I drag them slowly down until I can secure my hand around his length. His eyes instantly glaze over and his eyelids flutter, but he never looks away.

I coat the shaft with the sticky liquid from my fingers, then wrap my hand around it and begin to pump. Sasuke struggles not to close his eyes. I watch as he tries to focus on me, but at the same time can't pull his eyes away. I smile and save him the trouble by kissing him.

Sasuke lets out a string of moans, groans, and curses as I continue to pump him, trying as much as possible to do the same for him as he did for me. He pulls out of the kiss, panting.

"Do you like it, Sasuke?" I ask him quietly.

"Y…yeah," he breathes, pulling me into a hug. I can feel his skin against mine, his hands grasping at my back. "It's… haah… good. Go faster…"

I pick up the pace. Even though he's the one getting all the pleasure now, my heart is still hammering, making it hard to breathe. Already I'm getting hard again just from touching him. I can smell him everywhere, I can see him, feel him, hear him. I press my lips to his just long enough to coax his tongue out so that I can taste him and still let us both breathe. Everything is happening at once. But I want to hear his voice.

"Talk to me, Sasuke."

Sasuke can only pant and moan. "Unh – Naruto…"

"Say something, say anything. Whisper in my ear. Moan. Shout. I want to hear you."

"Mmn…" He thrusts into my hand. "Shit, I'm gonna…"

"What?" I urge him. "Tell me." I lick the shell of his ear.

"Kiss me," he pleads.

"Not until you tell me." I blow air against his lips, pulling back when he tries to press them to mine.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come, Naruto, kiss me—"

I push my tongue into his mouth, stroking him faster. He moans loudly and comes in my hand; I feel hot streaks shoot against my skin, scorching me with desire.

Sasuke takes a deep, shuddering breath, trying to stabilize his breathing. Clinging to me, he drags me to his bed and we tumble in a heap on top of it. He presses his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes, saying a million things with no words at all. He kisses the corner of my mouth, but doesn't linger long, questing downwards. I submit myself to his ministrations, simply lying back and feeling every touch, every kiss and lick. He leaves a path of bite marks all the way down my body, then dips his tongue into my belly button. I suck in air. I pull the pillow under my head to prop it up so I can see what Sasuke's doing. He's licking off the thick liquid that's still there.

"S-Sasuke," I say in alarm.

"What?" He looks up at me. A trace of creamy white rests on his lips for a moment before he licks it off. My cock twitches under him.

"That – that's… yours."

He actually flushes a little at this, but doesn't break eye contact. "I know."

"And you're still—"

He draws his tongue over his lips again, slowly, carefully. Then he smirks.

"I take it you won't be wanting any more kisses?" he says, resuming his clean-up.

"I – That's not fair!" I exclaim. "Sasuke…!"

Sasuke slowly crawls up my body, making sure to rub against my erection along the way. I squirm and groan. With his lips inches away from mine, he breathes, "Do you want the kiss or not?"

I can smell him from here, that intoxicating odour of his sweat and skin, of his seed. I can smell it on his breath – and before I can even stop myself, I grab the back of his head and crush our lips together.

The flavour is overwhelming. As a taste on its own, it has no merit; it's bitter, salty, and overall somewhat unpleasant. But beyond that is the familiar taste of his saliva, and something more, something bonded closely with the flavour, something I can taste and smell at the same time – it's like a concentrated version of his usual musk, heavier… more addicting. I reach into the corners of his mouth, scouring every surface, rubbing my tongue against his in a fervent attempt to get as much of that arousing taste as possible.

Sasuke is completely out of breath when I finish, panting from my attentions; nevertheless he manages to smile.

"Like I said… addicting, isn't it?" He cranes his neck towards my ear. "It turns you on."

"God, yes, it does…" I grind against him and he grunts. "It's not enough, Sasuke… more…"

He's everywhere all at once, and yet I still can't get enough of him. My heart aches, it's like there's a bottomless pit I'm trying to fill up with his essence.

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

Quietly I ask, "Suck me off?"

I can feel the shiver that goes down his spine. "Gladly," he breathes.

I close my eyes and let myself dissolve into bliss as his mouth engulfs my erection again. It's been two weeks since the time we were drunk and he decided to do this, and this isn't the second time by far – although I don't completely lose my mind anymore when that heat surrounds me, I do momentarily lose a couple of mental functions at first contact. It's a huge turn-on to watch, the way his lips glide over my skin, the way his cheeks hollow out as he sucks. Even two weeks later, it doesn't take long for the heat to build up unbearably when he does this. I tilt my head back and moan unrestrainedly.

A strange feeling courses through me like wildfire, slicing through the pleasure. I flinch instinctively and crack my eyes open, trying to figure out what's happening. The feeling comes again – a pressure, wet, in an unexpected place, and alarm and fear shock my body. My knees jerk together reflexively and I prop myself up on my elbows, staring at Sasuke, panting not from pleasure anymore but from the way my heart is pounding adrenaline painfully through every vein.

"S-Sasuke—" I start.

"Relax, Naruto," he says, voice breathy. He extends his finger once more. I'm frozen as it nears, but as soon as it presses against me I jump, scrambling into a sitting position.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke looks up. I stare at him – I can feel nothing but terror – and his expression changes; he's suddenly alert, aware. I realize my knees are drawn in against my chest, my arms hugging my legs protectively.

"I—" Sasuke stammers. "Naruto—"

His hand reaches for me again, and I panic and vault off the bed. Feeling helplessly vulnerable, I jerk on my boxers and pants, grab my shirt, jump into my shoes, wrench the door open, and bolt out.

* * *

I'm aware that this sequence is a little vague. This is partly due to my lack of adequate skill to write it properly at the time, but reading it over later I find that I don't necessarily want to change it. It's awkward and confusing enough to convey Naruto's panic.

R+F


	48. Gone

I – I don't know where to go. What to do. I'm flying down the stairs doing up my pants; I'm vaulting out the door wrenching my shirt over my head. The sky is an angry red on the horizon, dark behind me. I run.

It should be hard to run, with this pain in my chest. It hurts if you run for a long time; it hurts to breathe. So why is it that I feel like I've run a marathon when I've barely even started running yet?

I can hardly tell where I'm going, trying to see through – I don't know what – a strange haze of confusion and terror, as well as tears, tears that I can't stop, that I can barely feel. I run as fast as I can, air tearing at my lungs. I dive through the crowded path, feeling eyes on me, hearing shouts of my name. I can't stop.

I run so fast I'm in a constant state of being about to trip over myself, and yet I keep going and going without ever falling. I climb the big arched bridge in a matter of seconds and tumble down the other side and keep running. I even pass the tree I always climb up. I run to the cliff at the very back of the grounds and collapse in the grass, trying to breathe and tremble and cry all at the same time.

When I can't face something, I run. I can't think when I run fast – but when I stop, everything comes crashing down the same way I fall when I can't run anymore.

I hate this.

I hate the confusion, the fear. I don't know what to do. I don't know how or why or anything. A million questions and no answers at all – Sasuke… Sasuke, why?

The look on his face when he realized something was wrong… I sit up and bury my face in my arms, trying to shut out his image. His eyes… his touch, his smell, his love. Why? Why did he do this?

We never said anything about going too far. It was always understood implicitly. I was always uncomfortable talking about things like that. We were drunk when Sasuke… when he used his mouth, that first time. That one worked out okay; I was drunk, so I granted him more than I might usually have, but it worked out. But it's always been my duty to signal when to move on. He can't – he shouldn't have done this to me.

Why? I always thought he could read me. I thought he knew how I felt, how I would feel if he tried going farther. I'm not ready. We've broken down so many barriers so quickly. I haven't had enough time. Time to adjust, to move on. I wasn't ready, Sasuke. Why did you do this?

The way he reached for me – everything was terror and panic. How could someone I love so much suddenly become someone I fear with all my body? How could he break that trust? I trusted him. I believed in him, believed he wanted my happiness. I thought he cared about how I felt…

My thoughts are reeling, my mind a thunderstorm. I can't make heads or tails of anything. All I know is that I hurt, inside, outside, everywhere, and I can't even think about going back. I'm afraid of Sasuke. I'm so afraid… I'm so tired of this feeling, this helplessness… I'm so tired…

—

I slowly lift my head. My neck is sore; my limbs protest when I move them. It's pitch dark out. My sleeves are soaked with tears and my eyes itch painfully. I rub them, then shudder as more tears begin to stream down my face. I can't deal with this. Everything – it's too much.

Walk, I tell myself. Walk.

My joints scream with hours of tense immobility as I get up. Slowly I start walking.

I feel flat, stretched, like a wrung-out cloth. Misery squeezes my heart, floods my veins. My whole body is aching with something beyond physical pain yet so strong that I can feel it as distinctly as though I've been stabbed. I don't bother trying to stop the tears anymore.

I feel… alone. Alone, walking in the middle of this field. There's nothing, no one. I feel alienated and there isn't even anyone staring at me with hateful eyes. Maybe that would feel better than this.

I need someone. It's too much to contain on my own. Sasuke told me, when I have to run, I should go to someone instead of retreating into myself. But who can I tell? Who am I supposed to turn to? The closer Sasuke and I get, the less I can talk about it with anyone I know but him. Sasuke, what do I do if the one person who can help me is the one person I can't go near?

I can't go to Kiba. Kiba doesn't know this stuff. It makes him uncomfortable. I can't go to Sakura-chan – it's too complicated between the three of us to be able to go to her. Neji? Neji's always looked out for me. But he's also cold at times, or seems superior without intending to demean me. What about Sui? She's never uncomfortable about anything, and she always, always helps. But I haven't known her very long. She seems really trustworthy and open, and I feel safe around her… but I still don't really know her.

There's no one I can go to. What happens between me and Sasuke is always left unsaid. We only need each other. There's no point in telling others – not that they want to know, anyway. I couldn't tell anyone something like this. Not my friends. Not my teachers, no adults… I can't talk to adults. I've never trusted them, not since I was big enough to understand the way they pulled their children away from me with hate and fear in their eyes. It's always been just me. But now I need someone.

I'm alone.

I'm standing alone on a small bridge. There's no one around as far as I can see in every direction. Just me, the orange lamps that make the night glow, the silently flowing river, my silently flowing tears, and this wooden bench.

I can't go home. There's nothing left.

Defeated, I slump down onto the bench. It's a warm night. I lie down, curling into a ball. It's warm, but I'm trembling. I let exhaustion take me.

—

The sun hits my face, waking me brutally. Feeling miserable, I squint into the light. It takes me a moment to adjust. It's not dawn; rather, the sun is already high, and just came out from behind a solid block of clouds. I have nothing but my keys and some spare change in my pockets; no cellphone or iPod, no watch on my wrist – nothing to tell the time.

I sit up, aching from sleeping on such a hard surface. Aching with more than that – for my heart is still panging hollowly, each beat resonating painfully in me, like church bells at a funeral. I almost laugh at my own morbid analogy.

I need someone. Now, more than ever, I need Sasuke. This is why people fall apart, isn't it? Because when they hurt each other, they can't comfort each other. It's a vicious cycle.

Sasuke.

I need him. I need him more than I'm afraid of him. How could I be afraid of him? And yet my whole body screams terror. I know myself that I can trust him, but what he did – tried to do – broke something in me, something I can't fix.

I need to get home, I tell myself. Don't think about Sasuke. Don't think about what he did. He's not there, pretend he's not there. I need to get home, get inside, get my stuff. It's Monday. I have class.

It hurts a lot, to go back. Every step is agony; every step is harder to take than the last, like pushing a magnet against another one that repels it. When did Sasuke turn around and start repelling me?

By the time I can see the dorm buildings I'm crying again. There's no one around – maybe it's earlier than the time most people get up, or maybe classes have already started. I'm walking, so slowly, so slowly, and the tears pour. My eyes are raw by now. It feels worse than when you've been awake for hours and hours and you're so tired, and all you want to do is close your eyes and forget about the world for a long time. But I just slept. Not that I slept well – I tossed and turned on the surface of sleep, and the demon fox's dark aura held me as I lay alone, isolated like a speck of dust flying in the interminable sky over the middle of the ocean.

My hand is trembling so hard when I get to my door that it takes a moment to get the key into the lock. I swear my heart's about to burst. I'll open the door and Sasuke will be there. I don't know what I'm going to say to him. I don't know what he'll tell me. Yes I do. He'll say he's sorry, he didn't mean to hurt me, he never meant to hurt me. I know that, and I know he'll mean it. But I'm so afraid.

I can't do this!

I can't _not_ do this.

I take a breath to steady myself, but it only reveals to me how much I'm shaking inside. The oxygen still helps, if only a little. I turn the handle and wrench the door open.

Empty.

"S-Sas…" I call; my voice fades into a whimper, and I can't even finish saying his name. I drop to my knees. Where is he?

His desk is neat; there's nothing on it and his chair is tucked in. His bed is made, his closet doors closed. Everything is the way he always makes it when he's not around. I run to the bathroom and open the door. It's silent, and just as empty as the room.

I can't handle this. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I finally built up the courage to face my fear in favour of getting help, and he's not even here. Where could he be?

It's past eight in the morning. Maybe he's gone to breakfast. Yes, that's what it is. He went to eat. He's always telling me off for not eating in the morning, saying that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. He's probably been waiting for me to show up all morning. He wouldn't have waited right up until half an hour before classes start. I'll see him in gym.

He wouldn't have waited for me, would he? Well, why wouldn't he? Why didn't he look for me? He should've. Doesn't he care about me?

I can't stand waiting around. I need to keep myself occupied. I shower, I brush my teeth, I fix my hair and wash my face and wonder if there's a way to reduce the amount of red in my eyes. I change into new clothes. I pack my bag; I pull out my binder and organize everything, then put it back in; I make sure everything is in its specified pocket in my bag. I tidy up my desk. I make my bed. I hang up all the clothes I've left lying on top of the drawers because I'm always too lazy to put them away properly. I try going on the computer, but sitting still isn't helping. I try listening to music, but I usually associate that with waiting and it just makes me anxious. So I grab my bag and go to class.

The first bell rings as I finish changing and walk into the gym. Asuma-sensei's already there. He looks surprised to see me.

"You look terrible, Naruto-kun," he says gravely.

I sigh. "I feel it."

He seems even more surprised at my tone. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." My voice holds no conviction.

He doesn't believe me, but says, "Well, we're going outside today for some Frisbee."

I nod and head out. I start running.

I jog. I do laps around the field. The bell for the actual start of classes isn't for another fifteen minutes, and it takes everyone five to ten minutes after that to change and get out. But I can't stop moving. I jog for twenty minutes, then others join me. I keep jogging. I jog for twenty-five minutes in total, then when Asuma-sensei blows the whistle, I fall onto my hands and knees, panting. I hate this.

"Naruto," says Kiba, sounding like he hasn't got a care in the world, "don't kill yourself."

I turn away and don't answer him.

Long-range sports mean people won't have as much of a chance to get a good look at my face, and I'm glad for this. We toss the Frisbee back and forth for half the class, then play a game of Ultimate for the other half, but I'm not really into it. Kiba's on the same team today, so he doesn't pressure me too much into competing. I have no enthusiasm.

Asuma-sensei calls for me to rotate to the bench. When I get off the field, he comes up to me.

"Are you sure you're okay, Naruto?" he asks. "Did something happen?"

My heart aches when he says it. "No."

"If you don't feel well, you should go to the nurse," he suggests.

"It's fine," I tell him, "but I don't think I can play today."

He nods. "Okay. You can sit and watch. If you feel like you can go back into the game, go ahead."

So I sit and watch. Kiba and Sai steal concerned glances of me every now and then. When Kiba switches out, he comes towards me, but I get up and start jogging.

"Naruto!" he shouts, but I ignore him. I jog around the field. I can't stay still.

After class I shower as fast as I can and get out before anyone else. I wander in the general direction of math class.

Where is Sasuke?

My plan is to get into math right before the bell rings so that no one will try to talk to me. It doesn't work – Kiba finds me in the halls.

"Naruto, what's up with you?" he asks, putting a hand on my shoulder from behind. I flinch and jerk my shoulder away, turning around in the process. He stares at me.

I've been crying, between gym and now. Though the tears have stopped, my eyes are as red as they've been since yesterday and the streaks are clear on my face.

"Naruto! What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I turn away.

"Don't give me that bullshit," he says angrily. "Naruto!"

I slump against the wall and sit on the floor. "Can a person die of heartache?"

"Heart—" He looks at me, half-worried, half-exasperated. "Did something happen between you and Sasuke?"

"He's missing," I say.

His eyes widen. "Is that all? Did you forget about the Hokkaido trip?"

I swear my heart stops.

"They all left early this morning. Are you serious?"

It's like someone socked me in the stomach. "I forgot." I should have noticed his toothbrush and hair brush were missing.

"Is that it, then? You thought he was kidnapped or something?" Kiba laughs, relieved. "Man, you must really like that guy."

I sigh and head for class.

"H…hey. Naruto?"

"I'm fine."

"I never asked a question."

I can't play mind games right now.

"It's more than that, isn't it?" he says quietly. "It's not about his going missing."

The issue isn't about the fact that Sasuke disappeared, no. That just added to my panic. Now that it's cleared up, it means nothing.

It means everything.

It means that if I'd remembered that, I would have gone back to talk to him. It means I missed my one chance before he's gone for two whole weeks, leaving this whole mess hanging heavy in the air, burdening my shoulders like a demolished house waiting on the workers who are supposed to come and clean it up but who've gone on strike.

"Naruto. What happened between you guys? Did he hurt you?"

"No," I say immediately.

He thinks I'm lying. "You still love him."

"Of course I do." I wince as my chest tightens again.

"Even if he did something you didn't like?"

Kiba doesn't know what he's talking about. But he can guess.

"He didn't mean to hurt me."

"He hurt you? Where?"

I could say it straight and tell him no, not physically. Instead I put my hand over my chest. "It hurts here. Like someone's pulling my heart out. Maybe Sasuke is pulling my heart out from wherever he is."

I need to talk to him. So badly. I need him.

"Naruto… you can't actually be missing him that much, can you? I mean, you've been apart before. It's no big deal, right?"

I shake my head. "I can't tell you, Kiba."

"If you don't tell me I can't help you!"

"You can't help me," I agree.

—

I do feel a tiny bit better, knowing where Sasuke is now. I hate this confusion – I'll gladly take anything to alleviate it even a little. I manage to make it through the rest of the day, although I'm fidgety: I scribble absentmindedly in the margins, I keep spacing out during lectures, I can't stop jiggling my foot and drumming my fingers.

By the next day the anxiety is back in full force. I can't handle having to be around my friends, who can so clearly tell I'm not right; I can't handle being around the student population, surrounded by all these people who don't know my problem. And I can't tell anyone. I need Sasuke.

I completely blank out during my chemistry test. I forgot about it, and I didn't study last night, and as it is I can't even think about chemistry because I'm so distracted. Trying not to squirm as my insides tie themselves into knots, I scribble half-hearted suggestions of answers for some of the questions and hand in my nearly-blank test at the bell.

By Wednesday I can hardly concentrate on school at all. I barely hear the bell through my thoughts; I'm late to class and can't even process Mizuki-sensei's explanations enough to write them down. My notes are still blank halfway through the class. My stomach is twisting. My heart aches like someone's squeezing it; I can't make the pain stop. I can't stand it. My head reels. I stand and dash out of the room.

I barge into the bathroom, go into a stall, and throw up in the toilet. I'm panting; the tears are pouring again. I wipe my mouth with toilet paper and flush, then go to a sink to wash out my mouth better. The guy at the urinals looks at me curiously; I can at least tell through the blur of my tears that his face is turned towards me. I stare into the basin instead, not letting him see my face, the sound of the water like static fogging up my brain, distracting me from horrifying thoughts.

The bathroom door opens, then closes. I figure the guy's left.

"Naruto?"

It's Kiba.

"Naruto, this is serious," he says, and he sounds like he means it. "You've been completely out of it for two days. No one's seen you at meals and you look like you haven't slept a wink."

"I'm not hungry," I mutter. I'm tired, but I can't sleep either; my mind won't stop churning. It's tiring, so exhausting.

"You can't go without eating for days! What happened, Naruto?"

I don't even want to stand anymore. My head feels like it's filled with helium. The lights in the ceiling get brighter and everything goes double and slides around drunkenly before fading into white.

—

I wake up in a bed. The room smells like a hospital, but less intense, a little more friendly.

"Are you awake, Naruto-kun?"

I open my eyes and turn my head. It's the nurse's office. Shizune-sensei is sitting at her desk a little ways away, looking concernedly at me. She is the vice-principal, but she and Tsunade no baa-chan both do a lot of medical stuff.

"Your friends Kiba-kun and Sai-kun brought you here. They said you passed out in the bathroom."

"Am I sick?" I ask weakly. "I threw up."

"No, you're not sick," she says. "But you do look like you've been through a lot recently. Can you tell me what happened?"

I sit up on the bed. I ask her what I asked Kiba. She's a nurse, so maybe she knows. "Can a person die of heartache?"

Her eyebrows go up. "Did something happen between you and Sasuke-kun?"

My knuckles go white as I clutch the sheets. Everything you tell the nurse is confidential unless it absolutely has to be reported, like abuse by family members or issues concerning the safety of others. It's part of the job.

"No." I rub my itching eyes. "I need to talk to him. But he's in Hokkaido."

"Well, the trip ends Friday the following week. It's not so long; he'll be back before you know it." She smiles like it'll reassure me. "Lie down and have a rest. Stay as long as you need to. Stress and anxiety can cause serious health problems. Don't worry about it; Sasuke-kun will be back."

She's underestimating the problem. Of course she would – to her, it's just a case of illogical attachment, a naïve teenager who thinks he can't live without his partner and believes it enough to make himself sick. It's not actually a problem, to her.

It's the biggest problem I've ever had.

—

I skip all morning. Shizune-sensei brings me a hearty lunch, which triggers the effects of my fasting, causing me to wolf it down and barely feel satisfied after. I can't stand the thought of going back to class; somehow sitting taking notes seems a thousand times more awful than lying in bed trying to heal this illness I have. It's not like I'm actually getting better – it's a disease I can't cure. But at least I'm not making it worse by being in class.

"I don't know if I can go to class this afternoon," I say.

"You don't have to."

"Or tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is a national holiday."

I forgot. "Can I stay here?"

"Of course," she says kindly.

"I know I'm going to fall behind, and I know I shouldn't miss a lot of class, and I know you think it's not a big deal, but I really, honestly feel… I don't know. But it hurts, a lot. I feel nauseous. Sometimes I feel dizzy."

She sets her food down on her desk, then comes over and presses the back of her hand to my forehead.

"You might be coming down with something," she says. "Stress can really lower the immune system. Are you sure everything is alright, Naruto-kun? If something's troubling you, you know you can always tell me."

I consider telling her. Confidentiality lets people say things that might not be socially accepted – drugs, smoking, abuse, sex. Maybe I need someone I don't know all that well.

"It's nothing," I say.

—

By nightfall I'm shivering. I'm hurting all over; I can't sleep. Shizune-sensei has diagnosed me with a fever and insisted I stay here – not that I'd been planning on leaving anyway. She sleeps in the adjacent room, her own quarters.

As I lie there, sweating and cold, darkness wells up in my mind and takes form. The form regards me coolly. He isn't cocky as usual.

"_Uchiha really fucked up this time, didn't he, kit?"_

I roll onto my side, facing the wall, and mutter, "It wasn't his fault."

"_Fault? It was all his fault. His fault was that he wanted too much, and you weren't ready for it. He tried to touch your ass and you got scared." _I wince a little, but Kyuubi's words have always been harsh. Maybe demons don't know the concept of softening the blow.

"_Not as gay as you thought you were, ne?" _He doesn't even sound like he's mocking me.

"Kyuubi?"

"_Yes, kit?"_

"I don't know what to do."

He watches me silently, gauging my feelings.

"I want to talk to him. It sounds selfish of me, but I've always been selfish – I need to hear his apology. I need to make sure he knows it was a mistake. I need to be able to forgive him, and I need to see him because he's the only person I can talk to."

For a moment I think Kyuubi isn't going to answer. Then, quietly, he says, _"You can talk to me."_

The squeezing of my heart loosens ever so slightly.

"_Look, kit. Demons don't make friends – don't need friends. I get a lot of satisfaction out of tormenting you, just like you get satisfaction out of being with Sasuke."_ Kyuubi never uses Sasuke's first name. _"Maybe calling you kit has made me see you as one, a fox kit. You are my container, after all. Just remember that I'm the one who's been with you since you were born."_

I manage to smile for the first time in days. "Thank you, Kyuubi."

—

Kyuubi accompanies my dreams that night. His presence is still dark and frightening – maybe it's impossible for it not to be – but all the same, I feel comforted, having someone there.

I sit in front of Kyuubi's cage, hugging my knees, staring at my feet. There's water on the floor, nearly six inches, but it doesn't make me wet.

"It's kind of weird to talk to you about Sasuke," I say, "since you hate it so much when I'm with him." Despite my words, everything feels more open with Kyuubi. It's like talking to myself – it's even more open than talking to myself. When I talk to myself I deny things I know are true.

"_The affection itself is kinda repulsive, yeah, but it also gives you a sense of comfort you might not always be aware of, kit. Comfort to you is comfort to me."_

I nod. "Your aura isn't exactly appealing to me either."

"_Things we can't change."_

"I miss him," I murmur. "I didn't even get to say goodbye to him."

"_Is that all?"_ he says mockingly – of course it's not all. _"He sexually abused you and all you can think of is how you didn't say goodbye before he left for two weeks?"_

"It wasn't his fault," I maintain, even though I've heard Kyuubi's argument against that already; and Kyuubi knows I'm thinking of what he said before, so he doesn't bring it up again.

"I want to talk to him."

"_Can't help you there, kit."_

"Am I blowing up this whole situation?" I ask.

"_Well, no." _Kyuubi pauses. _"Maybe. He touched you in a way you weren't ready for. Your trust in him was building, and you were so confident, and then he shattered it all. So you did what you always do – you ran away from him, like a coward."_

"I know I'm a coward."

"_But the fact remains that he broke your trust. How can you trust him not to do something like that again?"_

"He knew it was a mistake," I say. "I could tell he regretted it. He wouldn't do it again."

"_But are you still willing to let him touch you again?"_

I hesitate.

"_Even if your mind is willing to take him back, your body won't feel the same. Some things transcend self-awareness."_

"But I need someone," I say. "Sasuke's always been my physical comfort. When I can't go to him, I don't know what to do." Physical comfort isn't really a guy thing. I wouldn't expect hugs from Kiba or any of the others – not the kind of touch that Sasuke and I share.

"_What about that Sui girl? She seems fairly trustworthy. A kind of mother figure."_

"I don't really know her that well."

"_You don't really have room to be picky, kit. You could count the people you know on your fingers."_

"Why did he do this to me?" I bury my face in my arms. "He should have come to look for me. He should've done something."

"_Don't be ridiculous. The last thing you needed after you ran away was for him to chase after you again. He knows that. It's up to you to show when you're ready to go back to him."_

"I miss him."

"_I know, kit."_


	49. There's No One Like You

I got a lot of reviews for the previous chapter in which people have said (perhaps not complained, but noted) that Naruto is being very selfish, that he's overreacting, being too hard on Sasuke. And you're right. Remember, people are not perfect. Naruto has just has his deepest trust broken. He knows Sasuke didn't mean to hurt him, but he won't be able to help being unfair. Yes, Naruto should grow a backbone and give something back to Sasuke. I, as the writer, am aware of this. Naruto isn't, at least not enough to actually do it, and not right after what Sasuke did to him. He needs time to calm down and regain a rational sense of thinking.

* * *

I feel better in the morning. Talking to Kyuubi has made me feel better. Not only can I tell him anything, but he knows it already, so I don't have to say it. But I can, if I want to – it makes me feel better. Kyuubi doesn't make smarmy comments as usual. Kyuubi has always been with me.

I thank Shizune-sensei and leave the nurse's office after lunch. I go home.

It's still empty.

I lie on my bed for a long time. My mind is blank. I can sense Kyuubi's presence nearby, but uncharacteristically he says nothing. He seems to be observing me, watching over me. We just stay there, together, in silence, for hours – before lunch, after lunch, after dinner. Even the next day, whether I'm in class and out, and the day after that, which is the weekend – Kyuubi just stays close and stays silent.

But my heart aches. The room is too empty. It's not home without Sasuke. I feel so isolated, so alienated. I need physical contact. I need someone.

"_You need physical contact?"_ says Kyuubi. _"Go to the dance club."_

—

I wear the clothes Sasuke likes best on me. Something baggy but stylish, something bright and unique that shouts confidence and makes me feel comfortable. I want to stand out tonight.

It's barely dark out, but that doesn't make a difference in the club. It provides its own darkness, its own lighting; it creates its own late-night atmosphere that lasts from seven PM 'til three in the morning, suspending time.

I head in and lose myself in the crowd, the closeness of bodies, the inevitable physical proximity. As a new song starts like an engine revving up, I abandon my soul to the music and let my body move. I'm desperate – I dance hard; I put all my energy into making a show. I see people watching me, impressed. It's thrilling – it's what I need. I want attention. I gather a crowd. I breakdance, and someone cheers. I make eye contact with a girl who's alone and, when she smiles, I start dancing towards her. She takes up the beat and we dance together. I put my hands on her waist; she takes my shoulders. Closer and closer we dance. I move my hips. She sways hers. Her touch is exhilarating, releasing days of tension, of stress and worry, and when she breathes seductively against my mouth, I kiss her.

Her taste is different from Sasuke's. She's already had a drink or two besides; but her own unique flavour is sweeter.

I don't like the way she kisses. I don't know how to gauge the quality of someone's kissing technique, but I'm so in love with Sasuke's, with his taste, with his way of licking and nipping, his way of touching me and grinding with me, and this just isn't the same. I break the kiss with little reluctance, thank the girl for dancing, and leave.

I look for a guy. Maybe I really am gay, I think to myself; maybe I've stopped liking girls. One teen who looks a year or two older than me catches my eye – heavily layered, fluffy-thin hair with a rich red hue that sweeps across his brow; clear, icy blue eyes; slender like Sasuke, but taller. His dark shirt (which fails to cover his navel) and his torn jeans hug his form in a near-sensual way and numerous chains and belts adorn his hips. What really clues me in, however, is the blue symbol on the back of his shirt: two circles, each with an arrow coming out of it – the universal male symbol – linked together like rings.

I rotate my hips and dance into his line of sight, pretending to be lost in my own world. I steal a glance at him – he's practically drooling at the sight of me. I meet his eye. He dances over. He's easily several inches taller than me. He smiles enticingly as he comes within a metre of me. The smell of his cologne is addicting.

"What's a hottie like you doing here alone?" he asks, voice low.

"Would you believe me if I said I was looking for some excitement?" I reply.

He laughs, a charming kind of laugh. "Everyone's looking for excitement here. You single?"

My heart pangs. "No."

He shrugs. "S'okay. Where's your boy?"

"School trip." I didn't come here to think about Sasuke. I came to get some interaction. Pushing my guilt aside, I get closer, lifting a hand in a tentative gesture. He allows me to proceed, and I hang my arms over his shoulders.

Neither Sasuke nor I wear any sort of scent. Maybe I should suggest it to him.

"What's your name?" I ask.

He rests his hands on my hips, warm and inviting. "Ryuu. You?"

"Naruki," I invent.

Ryuu smiles. "Cute. C'n I call you Naru?"

I raise an eyebrow. Only Sasuke calls me Naru. (I pretend it annoys me, but really I kind of like it, coming from him.)

He relents. "Alright, okay. Naruki then. It fits you."

"You talk too much," I murmur, craning my neck. He closes his eyes and kisses me.

Actually, I talk more than him. But I won't tell him that.

—

In the end, Ryuu's not what I'm looking for either. He reminds me a lot of Sasuke – maybe too much. Every time he says something, I can't help but connect it to Sasuke. But even Ryuu has his quirks – his hands are too gentle, his kiss too tame. He's too tall, and even despite his timid approach his dominance is somehow overpowering. I may like when Sasuke dominates me, but he's closer to being an equal. Maybe I can trust him more. I'm still closed off in front of Ryuu – that was sealed the moment I made up a name.

This isn't want I want. I'm not looking to get close to a stranger. I need someone I can trust, someone I know, someone I love.

I need Sasuke.

—

I call Sui on Sunday, in the afternoon.

"Naruto-kun?" comes her voice, cheery as always. "Hey, how are you?"

I'm about to say "Fine," then realize how much of a lie that is. "Honestly? Awful."

"Why?" she asks, concerned.

"I… Sasuke and I… we didn't fight exactly, but I… he's gone to Hokkaido now, and… I'm… lonely."

Quietly she repeats, "Lonely?"

"I was wondering," I say slowly, "if you… wanted to go on a date, tonight."

The line is silent.

"I… Look. I need someone. Can you – we – just for tonight. Go out with me?"

More silence, then: "Sorry, Naruto-kun."

I wait for her explanation.

"You still love him, don't you?" It's not really a question.

"Yeah."

"Then I'm afraid I can't." She pauses. "Sorry. If you want to just meet or talk, I'd be glad to. But not a date."

"Okay. Never mind then. Sorry for bothering you," I say. "Bye."

"Bye. I hope you feel better."

—

Sometime later I call Kiba.

"Naruto? How're you doing?"

"Better, maybe. Wanna hang out? Just the two of us. Come over."

"Sure, of course. I'll be right there."

When he knocks on my door, I stand up to open it, but he enters anyway. So I lean against the wall and give him my desk chair. He sits backwards on it and leans on the back and looks at me.

"You've changed, Naruto," he says.

"I know."

"Are you sure you can't tell me what happened? I want to help you."

I look at Kiba carefully. He's always been there for me, ever since we first became friends. We stuck out for each other. We did everything together. We're a lot alike.

"I called Sui a bit ago," I say. "I asked her on a date. She said no."

I wouldn't have minded if Kiba made a joke about how he was the one who wanted Sui in the first place. But he doesn't. Instead he says, "Why would you ask her that?"

I sigh and let my head fall back, staring at the ceiling. "I need someone. Since Sasuke's not here… I know it makes you uncomfortable talking about it, but Sasuke and I make physical contact a lot. It's a form of comfort. I feel so alone without it. Talking is nice, but I need more than that." I close my eyes and sigh.

The emotion I sense from Kiba is a strange one, one I can't quite parse.

"I'm here, if you need me," he says quietly.

A hand rests on my shoulder. My entire body warms up. I open my eyes to find he's standing in front of me. He looks me in the eyes and holds his arms open to me.

This isn't the kind of thing we're used to. Physical contact between us as friends is always rough, never sentimental. It's a way of making contact without making things awkward. We don't know what that's like.

Slowly I lean into his embrace.

All my tension dissipates. His body is warm against mine, his heartbeat fast and strong. His arms hold me protectively. I feel safe, safer than I have in days.

Maybe this is the touch I'm looking for. Not the touch of a stranger, but that of a friend, of someone I've always counted on. It's a different kind of trust, the one Kiba and I have. Sasuke and I trust each other not to hurt each other. Kiba and I trust each other to hurt each other – physically – and then come back and forget about it ever being a problem.

I pull back so that I can look him in the eyes. He stares at me, still contemplating a strange, complex thought that I can almost read. The look in his eyes softens, and I feel my heart melt at the same time.

It's a mutual thing, when we kiss – tentative, unsure, and definitely frightening. I don't know what drove me to do it. I don't know what drove Kiba. But all I know is that suddenly we're here, lips pressed together, hands cautiously roaming over arms and shoulders and backs. I feel a thrill in my heart – this is closer to what I've been looking for. Kiba, who I've known longer than anyone. Who I trust. Who I love, in a way.

I take his head in my hands, pressing deeper, licking at his lips. He hesitates, but I'm the one with more experience here, and I gently coax his mouth open. His taste is sharp, almost spicy, bright and alive.

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm kissing my best friend. I'm tracing the shell of his ear with my thumb – it doesn't have the same dips and curves as Sasuke's. I'm threading my fingers through his hair – it's thinner, shorter than the hair my fingers know. This is new territory, the same dance to different music.

Kiba puts both hands on my shoulders and pulls away. When he looks into my eyes, he radiates confusion, fear, and so many other things that I can't define exactly, but they all tell me one thing – this is wrong.

"I – Naruto – I can't," he says. He grips my shoulders, but it doesn't stop his hands from shaking; I can feel his pulse, rapid, frantic. "This isn't right. I don't…"

Kiba raises the back of his hand, trembling, to his mouth, as though he can't believe what he's just done. I put a hand on his back.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I should never have brought you into this."

He shakes his head. "It's not your fault. I…"

"We don't talk about our feelings, Kiba." Despite being unsure of how to approach him anymore, I rub his back gently, knowing it's the kind of gesture that always comforts me greatly when I'm with Sasuke. "I didn't know how you felt. I… You're jealous of Sasuke, aren't you?"

It takes him a lot of courage to speak. "In… in a way, yeah."

I nod. "I understand. Trust me, I do."

"I know you do." He pulls me into a hug, holding me close. "Look, Naruto, I don't get this at all. I didn't even know my own feelings – I – I thought, what if I'm jealous of Sasuke in the way I always thought I wasn't? But… I'm just not…"

"Gay?" I say quietly.

"I can't think of you like that."

"Well… At least now you know."

"Yeah." His heartbeat is slowing, calming down. "Sorry about all this. We… it's alright if we don't tell Sasuke, right?"

"Mm."

He holds me at arm's length. He can't look me in the eye. "This doesn't change anything, does it? Between us?"

"Nothing."

His face breaks into a relieved smile. He holds out a fist, and I knock mine against it, pretending I don't notice how his arm trembles before he drops it.

"I'm… gonna go, if you don't mind," he says. "I think I need to… well, think."

I nod. "Okay. Thanks for coming."

"Anytime." He puts a hand on my shoulder – more softly than usual – then sees himself out.

—

"What was I thinking?" I mutter.

Kyuubi peers at me through the bars of his cage. _"You wanted someone close to you. Naturally you would pick the dog boy."_

"I was trying to solve my own problems, but I ended up making problems for him." I lie back with a dry splash, letting my arms fall out to my sides.

"_How do you know it was a problem to him? He did say he wasn't sure how he felt until now. Maybe you helped him figure it out."_

"You think kissing your best friend of the same gender doesn't make problems?"

"_Y'never know. I thought you were the optimistic one."_

"Nothing's right," I tell him. "Nothing is working. I need Sasuke."

He nods as though this isn't news to him. _"He'll be back."_

"I… cheated on him," I say. "With three different people in two days, and tried another."

"_Dunno what I can do about that one, boy. The Uchiha's a possessive kid."_

"I wasn't going to leave him," I say, reassuring myself more than Kyuubi. "I just… I'm so alone. But it doesn't matter anyway."

"_Did it help at all? Kissing Kiba?"_

"I don't know. Maybe." I try to remember it. "It alleviated some of the loneliness I have, but I think it just made more problems than it was worth. And nothing is the same as Sasuke. It's not someone else I need. There's no one like Sasuke."

—

We have Monday and Tuesday off as national holidays. In any other circumstances I would have loved to have a four-day weekend like this, but the fact is that these two weeks were chosen for the school trip precisely _because_ we have three days off; it minimizes the number of classes students will miss.

It maximizes the amount I miss Sasuke.

Sometimes I still wonder if I'm making a bigger mountain out of this than it really is. Kyuubi keeps reminding me that sexual abuse for humans is a big deal, and that with the added stress of not being able to say goodbye and not hearing his apology and not remembering that he wouldn't be here, I have no reason not to be as distraught as I am. I comment drily on how he never gave a shit about me before now. (Silently, though, I'm glad for his concern, and he knows it.) Still, I'm causing problems for others too – for Sui, for Kiba, for the teachers that are trying to do their jobs without pining students disrupting their classes.

Returning from dinner on Tuesday night, I notice a corner of something sticking out of my mail slot. Surprised, I hurry inside to take it. It's a large brown envelope with the address of our school and my name on it. The date-shipped stamped on it says May 27th, 2010. That was last Tuesday, the day after Sasuke left. The envelope is the kind that has a string wound around two discs – one on the flap and one on the body of the envelope – to keep it shut. Instead of a string, though, there's a fine red chain. I unwind it carefully; it comes off the discs completely, revealing itself to have a clip on one end. Carefully setting this on my desk, I open the envelope.

Inside is a small hardcover notebook. It's black on the outside, completely blank but for the title, written in neat, elegant handwriting, on a slip of paper that slides into a clear plastic pocket on the front. It reads: _The Story of the Raven and the Fox, by Uchiha Sasuke._

Heart hammering, I open the book with trembling hands. The first page spread is blank, like a real novel. I turn it. On the middle of the following page is a few lines written in dark red ink:

_For my dobe_

_The link that connects two souls is a string as red as blood._

_I believe that chains are stronger._

My hands are now shaking so hard that I have to put down the book. My vision goes blurry. I lean back in my chair so that my tears won't fall on the pages and wreck them. When I've dried my eyes and taken several deep breaths to steady myself, I turn the next page and begin to read.

* * *

I'm not usually one to go beyond the boundaries I set for myself in terms of SasuNaru. I follow some fundamental principles when I write fanfictions – Sasuke and Naruto are meant for each other; they are loyal to each other; they will never stray. That said, when things go horribly wrong, it's the breaking of these rules that shows Naruto exactly why we're sticking to them. It's given me a new perspective on my love for this pairing.

So, with that said, I had tons of fun writing about Naruto's experimentation. His desperation. His need for someone – anyone, he thinks, but it isn't true.

Also, I think that perhaps this will clear up some people's questions/fears/hopes about Kiba. I usually try not to hint at relationships that don't exist, but it seems not enough people understand the existence of non-romantic love. This includes Kiba. So for him, for Naruto, and for any readers wondering, here is the answer, solid and tangible and true.

Thanks for reading!

R+F


	50. The Raven and the Fox

This story was mentioned a long, long time ago. I hope you like it.

* * *

Once upon a time, in a quiet stretch of a forest, there lived a raven.

On this particular sunny day, the raven had found a large piece of cheese to save for his dinner later. The little human who lived in the farmhouse not too far from his home had offered it to him, giggling and jumping about when he daringly snatched it from her hands.

He swept back to his roost, planning to thoroughly enjoy his meal – cheese was rare, after all; it was something to be savoured. He settled on his favourite branch, where he could see the activity of the forest floor below and also possibly show off his hard-earned prize, although he would not share with anyone, even if they asked.

From behind his tree appeared a lithe, sleek fox, her fur shining orange in the afternoon sun, the white tip of her tail swaying slowly. She looked up at the raven with her large, curious eyes.

"It's Karasu-san!" she called cheerily. "Hey, hello, Karasu-san!"

Karasu tilted his head in response, for his beak was busy holding the cheese. He had never met this Kitsune before. She seemed bright and youthful, quite an energetic creature.

"Oh, Karasu-san, I've heard so much about you," she said. "Everyone in the forest tells me you are the king of the birds. I can certainly see that your feathers are so shiny and well-groomed," she told him, sounding very impressed. "You cut such a striking silhouette against the sky – your strong wings, your neat tail. And your beak is oh so very sharp and well-formed, Karasu-san. Standing there so high up in that tree, you really do fit the look of a king!"

Karasu fluffed up his feathers haughtily – he'd never been so flattered in his life, and he didn't know quite how to take it. But certainly it made him feel very proud and special.

"I'm sure your voice is just as beautiful as the rest of you," she continued. "With that glossy beak, you must surely have the most excellent voice. Oh, if only you would sing a song for me, Karasu-san, I could truly call you the king of all birds!"

Karasu considered the eager Kitsune before him. She did seem very keen to praise him, and he wanted to hear more of those flattering words. So he opened his beak and let out a raucous caw.

But as he did so, he lost his hold on his cheese. Quick as a flash, Kitsune leapt up and snapped it up, swallowing it in two bites.

She licked her lips, grinning up at Karasu. "Oh, Karasu-san, how naïve are you," she trilled. "Thank you oh so very much for that excellent meal. In return, let me give you a little piece of advice." And she trotted away, her glossy tail swaying behind her, and called, "Never trust a flatterer!"

—

Well now! thought Karasu angrily. That trickster Kitsune had stolen his meal! Enraged at the loss and humiliation, he swept on his wings after the little fox.

But the fox was cunning and quick on the forest floor, and Karasu had trouble weaving through the tightening forest on his huge wings. It took him a lot of concentration to follow Kitsune. But finally she stopped in a clearing, and he dropped down to land on a low branch in front of her.

"Oi, Kitsune!" he croaked in anger. "You owe me a meal!"

Kitsune stopped in her tracks and stuck her nose up. Perhaps she was just looking at Karasu, but it seemed to him like an arrogant gesture. "I don't think so, Karasu-san. You were foolish and vain. And I tricked you!" Standing, she turned and waved her tail at him in a playful manner. "If you want to get even, you'll have to trick me back!" And she bounded away again.

Karasu watched her go, glaring. What right did she have to claim his meal like that? Determined to get revenge, he followed Kitsune discreetly from above the treeline.

—

Kitsune, having just consumed a rather large piece of cheese, was not in the mood to eat; so it was some time before Karasu had a chance to exact his revenge. He watched the little fox for the rest of the day as she explored the forest, frolicking in the flowers, sniffing points of interest on the ground, rolling in the long grass. What a strange creature she was, he thought to himself. Well, she did not know the joy of flight, after all; perhaps this was the only way earthbound animals could find fun. A couple of times he thought she was going to hunt; she chased after mice and other small rodents, but they often slipped away into their burrows, and she would reach in with her paws for a few minutes before giving up and bounding away. She didn't seem very good at hunting, but at the same time she didn't seem to care much either. He almost thought she was letting them go on purpose, as if it was a game…

Night fell, and still Kitsune was roving about like a bundle of energy, dashing to and fro, leading Karasu all throughout the forest. He was beginning to get tired. Didn't Kitsune sleep at all?

But he tailed her throughout the night, feeling very out of place under the moonlight, hardly able to see. It was only by the flash of her white-tipped tail that he could continue to follow her. He persevered until the sky began to lighten, and then finally Kitsune, yawning, retreated into her den in the ground.

Karasu sleepily perched on a branch where he could see the opening of her den. She might come out at any time – he had to stay alert. He must watch with vigilance, he must not fall asleep…

—

"Karasu-san… oh Karasu-san!"

Karasu blearily opened his eyes. It was dark out – he'd slept through the day! He shook his head to wake himself up, then cawed noisily at the little fox who was jumping into the air in front of him, trying to be at eye level with him. Irritated, he flew up to a higher branch.

"Good evening, Karasu-san," said Kitsune with a cute little bow. "I hope I'm not disturbing your sleep, or anything like that."

He narrowed his eyes at her. Was she always in this good of a mood?

"Well, you can go back to your sleep. I've just woken up now, so I'm going to go get myself something to eat. Ta-ta, Karasu-san!"

Something to eat? Karasu repeated to himself. His energy renewed, he swiftly followed behind Kitsune.

Karasu watched carefully as Kitsune hunted, waiting for his chance. Like the previous day, the fox did not seem very competent, often unable to sneak up behind her prey or catch it without it slipping away again. Karasu was hungry – he hadn't eaten since before he'd found that cheese. Irritable and impatient, he finally swooped down right as Kitsune caught a mouse and, on silent wings, snatched the mouse right out from between her paws, crushing the life out of it with a squeeze of his powerful talons.

"Hey!" Kitsune cried loudly. "What was that for?"

"You're so incompetent," Karasu snapped. He ate the mouse with little satisfaction; he had to get the meat out of the pelt, after all, and it was hardly a snack for a bird of his size. Kitsune watched, pouting, as Karasu cleaned out the body and dropped the inedible remains to the ground. She sniffed and pawed at the carcass, then snapped it up.

"Thanks," she muttered, although she didn't sound very sarcastic about it. Karasu just cocked his head and turned around on his branch as Kitsune continued to hunt.

For the rest of the night Karasu followed Kitsune, pouncing on every one of her targets and eating it himself. After the first one, he didn't even drop her the remains – he cached them on branches or in hollow trees, never low enough for Kitsune to reach, because he knew she couldn't climb. Kitsune grew increasingly frustrated, constantly shouting at Karasu to leave her alone. It was the worst kind of bullying, stealing her food. But he wanted her to feel his revenge.

And so Karasu followed Kitsune the next night, and the next. He fell into this pattern of sleeping during the day and waking at sunset. He attuned all his senses to the presence of the fox, always aware of when she moved in case she tried to get away from him. Kitsune found plenty of food – good hunting, leftover scavenge, ripe fruits – and Karasu gorged on it all. He cached what he couldn't eat. He set up a large network of caches, although he didn't worry about trying to remember them all, for he travelled where Kitsune travelled, and Kitsune travelled to lose him. Not that she ever did.

—

Kitsune was hungry. That evil black bird was stalking her every move. She couldn't even get away while he slept – what did he do, keep one eye open? She was spending so much time finding all this food and she couldn't even eat any of it. A few times she managed to get a bite or two before Karasu attacked her, cawing and flapping and brandishing his sharp talons, but it wasn't enough. She wouldn't survive like this.

Weak and resentful and disheartened, she curled up under a tree, letting her ears droop and her tail wrap around her. She rested her snout on her paws and stared at the ground. How she wished she could eat grass.

Karasu settled gracefully on a nearby branch. "Giving up already?" he asked pleasantly.

"I don't want to hear it, thief," she muttered.

He tilted his head and closed his white eyelids briefly before opening them again.

"And stop doing that!" she snapped, though weakly in her hunger. "Every time I say something and you just want to show you're so much better than me, you flash those stupid white things. Can't you blink like a normal animal?"

He clacked his beak, about to respond, but she interrupted him.

"Save it, crow."

Crow! Karasu gripped the branch firmly with his talons and flapped his wings, puffing up his feathers indignantly. "I am not a crow!" he croaked angrily. "I'm a raven! Don't think of comparing me to those tiny graceless birds!"

"You've lost any dignity you had as a raven," she told him simply. "Stealing every last scrap of food a poor fox can find; what kind of honour is that?"

"It's not about honour, it's about survival," he huffed. "Ravens steal all the time. It's a mark of our cunning and intelligence."

"I don't care!" barked Kitsune. She stood abruptly and hurried off. Karasu followed in the air.

He watched her as she covered long distances in an energy-saving trot. She did look leaner than she had when he'd first met her. Her ears angled down and her tail dragged. Her fur had lost some of that glossy shine, and her eyes were often dark and gloomy. She didn't even lift her paws as high as she used to when she walked. Karasu observed the meagre sight before him. What was he doing, starving a young fox like this? It was pure spite. Not necessity, not revenge – not anymore. He'd gotten more than his share back since the cheese. Now he was just depriving a fellow forest denizen of her meals – of her life. Guilt racked his heart and he shook his head sadly at his own bitter behaviour.

Discreetly he stopped at one of his frequently-used caches, where he'd hidden some of the meat he'd been unable to finish yesterday. He grabbed as much as he could and quickly went to catch up to Kitsune, then flew ahead. He cached the food under a root of a big old tree, then flapped at it to let some of the scent waft out. Then he hid in a thick tree to watch.

Kitsune came upon the food eagerly. She glanced around for any sign of her stalker-thief, then took a chunk out of the meat. No one came, so she ate it all.

When she was done, she sat down with a satisfied look in her eyes and licked her lips. Her tail wagged a little, and her ears had gone back up some. Karasu was astonished at the change – it wasn't much food, but Kitsune was already looking much like her usual self.

—

Karasu continued to cache food for Kitsune. He killed mice and left them inconspicuously around for her to find; he broke open berries for her nose to follow. When she began to encounter an overabundance of food, she cached it, and he remembered where her stashes were so that he could add food to them when she wasn't around. She grew strong and healthy again, and went back to frolicking and playing. She never knew who was leaving her the presents.

Karasu found that Kitsune talked to herself, sometimes. Perhaps she was lonely. He knew he often liked to clamour and croak under his breath when he was alone in a high tree or on a mountain outcropping. Kitsune pointed out little treasures all over – the first flowers of spring, the ripeness of each berry, the squirrels in the trees. She kept herself company as the days passed.

"And I wonder who keeps leaving me this food," she muttered to herself, lazily chewing up a rabbit Karasu had killed for her cache. "Whoever they are, they must have known about that Karasu-san. Perhaps they drove him off. I haven't seen him in a while." She didn't sound regretful at all.

Karasu blinked his whitelids before remembering Kitsune didn't like that, before remembering she didn't know he was around anyway. He sighed and took flight as Kitsune set off again, her gait lively, her tail swishing through the air.

—

Karasu had found a deer. A whole entire deer, lying fresh in the forest, with a hole in its head and only scarcely touched by wolves – enough to get the hide off, making the work for him minimal. Choosing to accept this stroke of fortune instead of questioning it, he gobbled up whatever he could eat. Then he brought a lot of the rest of it to a nearby cache high up in a tree before the wolf pack returned, snapping at his tail feathers.

Karasu spent the next while transferring the food to one of Kitsune's caches. He was just putting the last of the meat in when he was buffeted aside by a paw.

"You again!" Kitsune raged. "Haven't you done enough damage? Now you're going to steal from my cache too?"

He was about to flash his whitelids, then stopped. "I wasn't stealing," he said. "Look."

She glared at him and checked her cache. It was full, fuller than she'd ever seen it – and she'd only just left it a few minutes ago.

"So? Someone's been leaving me presents." She sat protectively in front of her cache. "Probably a male fox or something. You were just going to take them."

"No," he cawed, trying to make her understand. "Look, I haven't stolen from you in ages. Why would I start again now?"

"How should I know? Why would you starve me half to death in the first place?"

He puffed up his feathers angrily. "You stole my cheese!"

"That cheese wasn't your life, crow!"

"I'm not a crow!" he screeched. He jabbed at her tail with his beak and flapped out of her reach when she reacted. "See if I leave you food again, ungrateful dog!"

"You liar! You just want me to forgive you!"

Abruptly he wheeled in the air, flipping, and landed back on the ground in front of Kitsune.

"Yes, I want you to forgive me!" he shouted in her face. When she stood there looking at him in shock, he lowered his voice a little, though he was still furious. "I was spiteful and petty, wasn't I? I punished you past the worth of your crime. Because I wanted to see you _feel_ it. And then I just stopped caring about revenge, and I did it anyway. Because…"

Kitsune, hurt and confused, asked, "Why?"

The raven shook his beak from side to side and hopped to his left, facing away from her. "You know, meeting you changed my life. Not the way you're thinking," he added quickly, because he could tell she was about to say something about feelings and whatever sentimental thing like that. "You're a night animal, and I'm a day animal. I shouldn't be up right now. But I wanted so much to get revenge, I ignored that, and I became a night animal. I can't really see in the dark, but I can follow the tip of your tail."

"Go back to being a day animal," she said. "Leave me alone."

"I'm… sorry for what I did."

She frowned at him, unsure of what to do. Yes, he'd stolen her food and she'd nearly starved, but now she was healthy again and he was claiming to be the one to affect that change.

"How can I know you're the one who's been leaving me food? It sounds like such a stupid thing to do after you were just doing the very opposite."

"Because I'm sorry about that," he said, puffing up his neck ruff briefly as though to emphasize his point. "I wanted to undo what I'd done wrong. Look, I found a really good berry bush a just a while ago. Will you believe me if I take you there?"

Kitsune was still for a moment, and then she nodded.

—

Kitsune was hard pressed to stay angry with Karasu. He did seem ever so sincere, and it did look like he was trying to right his wrongs. Besides that, the berries were just right – soft and sweet and juicy. Kitsune ate happily, and Karasu watched from a branch.

Kitsune licked her chops and looked up at Karasu. He seemed sad. He blinked his whitelids when she looked at him.

"Do you want some?" she asked.

He considered. He had just eaten recently, but there was something compelling about it. Those berries did look very good. So he flapped down, and they ate together.

—

Karasu was, admittedly, very good at finding food. Anxious to make up for his mistake, he led Kitsune to the places she couldn't find herself – from the sky he could see lots of good eating, and she'd never been that competent anyway. Food was in abundance that year, and they ate well. When the supply began to fall short, they had numerous caches of meat, fruit, and the occasional human delicacy to fall back on. They hunted together, travelled together, ate together. Karasu found himself greatly enjoying this lifestyle, sharing his time with another. Kitsune was always cheerful and eager, chattering away, and though she could be annoying sometimes, he had to admit it made him happier than spending day after day alone.

Winter set in, and with it the white of snow and the chill of the air. Karasu was thankful for the snow – on clear-sky nights, it reflected the moon, making everything glow. But on the other hand, it was bitterly cold.

Kitsune's fur grew long and thick, shielding her against the drop in temperature, although even she commented on the cold sometimes. It easily sliced through Karasu's feathers, though. He had never liked winter much.

As dawn broke one chilly morning, Karasu and Kitsune settled down for the day. Karasu locked his talons around a branch and puffed up his feathers, shivering. Kitsune glanced at him and wished him a good sleep before diving into her den. Karasu watched her go, feeling rather lonely. He knew he shouldn't be bothered about such a thing – he'd be asleep soon anyway, and who could be lonely when they were asleep? He shifted his feathers, trying to get warm, and closed his eyes. How cold the winter was. It would be hard to find food – juvenile ravens always got together for eating in the winter, and now that he was a night bird, who could he join?

"Karasu-san?"

He opened his eyes. Kitsune had poked her head out and was looking at him.

"What?"

"You look cold," she said.

He ruffled his feathers. "A bit," he said, as though it was no big deal.

"You can… come inside, if you want. It's always warm in the den."

Karasu considered this. Him, a creature of the sky, go underground? What a concept. He'd never even thought of having ground above him. How strange would that be!

"It won't cave in, if that's what you're thinking," continued Kitsune. "I've been using these tunnels since I was a kit, and my mother before me, and her mother before her. Come on, it's safe."

—

It was daunting, going into that hole. He felt like he was leaving his open sky, leaving his freedom. But Kitsune was patient, and it was as though warm air literally poured out from in those tunnels. He relaxed his feathers and let it wash over him. He could believe it was high summer, with this warmth. But it was also dark and oppressing. He couldn't even open his wings all the way. He clawed at the ground nervously.

"Don't worry, Karasu-san," she said. "It's safe. I promise."

"I can't see," he muttered as they went deeper. "I can't see a thing."

He heard Kitsune's paws, but he couldn't tell what she was doing. Was she leaving him there alone in the dark? Suddenly he felt more claustrophobic than ever.

Her snout nudged his side and he squawked in alarm.

"Don't scare me like that," he cawed.

"Sorry, sorry." She tentatively nudged him again. "This way."

She prodded him towards the place where she slept, a sort of chamber between tunnels. It was bigger here, which was at least a little comforting to him, but he felt at the same time that every step away from the tunnel was a step closer to never getting back out.

"Relax," she said. "The day's getting on and we'll need all our energy to find food tomorrow night. Come sleep here."

She steered him to a patch of dried grass and he sat down. His nerves thoroughly shot, he adjusted his feathers and tucked his beak under his wing, all but ready to sleep.

A warm body shifted against him. He cawed in surprise, then realized Kitsune was settling down, her tail curling around him. This was… nice. Yes, it was warm, warmer than he'd ever been. He suspected, in his semi-conscious thoughts, that perhaps the warmth wasn't only physical.

—

Karasu knew why he was always so cold – it was because there was no sun to warm him up all these winter nights. He could change his sleep schedule to hunt with Kitsune, but he wasn't sure he could stand the bitter cold.

It was that grey time between afternoon and evening and the pair were just about to start hunting when a loud cacophony of croaking rent the air. Karasu listened intently, then cawed too, flapping excitedly.

"What is it?" Kitsune asked.

"A band of ravens has found good eating," he said. "Come on!"

They found the site with ease; a pair of deer had fallen and a lone wolf had torn the frozen hides away, allowing the young ravens to attack the meat easily. There was more than enough food for all of them, and so the wolf did not complain about the scavengers. Karasu and Kitsune joined the feast with little difficulty and before long the carcasses were picked clean.

"Good eating," one raven called to him. "Haven't seen you around before. Are you from outside?"

"Ah, no," Karasu replied. "I've… adapted to living at night, you see."

The ravens were a chorus of surprise.

"Night?"

"How can you see?"

"Isn't it cold?"

"I know, I know," Karasu called over the din. Why did he live at night, anyway? It was strange. All these ravens were creatures of the day. How was he suddenly so different from them?

"You should come with us," said one raven, a bright, cheerful female with glossy feathers that shone green under the light. "We'll welcome you with open wings."

"Yes, join us!" cried another.

"We can work together to find food!"

"With your size, we can easily drive away wolves and take their food for our own!"

Karasu found himself nodding eagerly. It had been so long since he'd been separated from his old band. It was good to see ravens again. The female was looking at him appraisingly – he hadn't noticed, but he was a little bigger than all the other ravens, having had much to eat that year.

"Karasu-san?"

His eagerness vanished. He looked at Kitsune, who was sitting in the snow watching confusedly.

"What's going on?" she asked, and he realized they'd been talking in the language of ravens, and that Kitsune wouldn't have understood.

"These ravens have asked me to join them," he explained. "I'll be with my own kind."

She nodded. "Yes, that's great," she said happily.

"Come with us," said the female, flashing her whitelids. "We've got a nice warm roost, and we'll continue searching for food in the morning."

And, caught up in all the clamour, Karasu flew away with his new band.

—

Something was missing.

Karasu frowned at his talons. The sun warmed his black feathers in the chill air and there was food in his belly. His band circled the sky, dancing and playing, doing flips and dives and other tricks. He alone stood on the tree, wondering why he wasn't satisfied with this perfect life.

The female raven, beside whom he now roosted every night, came down and perched next to him. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Come dance with us. Dance with me," she said.

He shook his beak. "I don't feel like dancing."

"Okay." She shuffled closer, and they shared warmth.

Karasu watched as a mouse darted between two trees. He could almost imagine Kitsune pouncing on it in that way she always did, leaping high into the air before crushing it under her paws. She would then proudly show off her prize before eating it with satisfaction.

A much bigger, darker fox than Kitsune appeared from behind a tree and pinned the mouse before it even knew what was happening.

Karasu blinked. The fox picked up the mouse by its tail and brought it away. He watched as a familiar face came out of a den. The bigger fox presented the mouse to her and she accepted it happily. He nuzzled her, and then they disappeared into the den together.

"Hey, wasn't that the fox who was eating with us when we met you?" said the female raven. "You were talking to her. D'you know her?"

He nodded. "We hunted together, back when I was a night raven." He laughed at himself for the term – night ravens didn't exist. But it was how he always referred to that time. He talked about it a lot, now that he thought about it.

"Looks like she's got a mate too," the female raven said, smiling. She began to preen him, sifting through each feather with her beak, removing dust and grit. He closed his eyes and relaxed into the comforting sensation. Why did it feel like something was missing?

—

Winter began to fade, and the days stretched longer again. The group disbanded as they paired off and claimed territory. Karasu and his mate built a nest and hatched five big, fluffy raven chicks. Every day was spent finding food for them. It was hard work, feeding five constantly hungry mouths as well as his own and his mate's, but some instinctual perseverance kept him on. Now it was spring and they were losing their fuzzy down and growing in real black feathers, exercising their wing muscles by flapping in each other's faces. Now it was summer and they were flying and getting their own food. Now it was fall and he and his mate were kicking them out of the nest, sending them off to form their own bands and eventually find mates.

Now he was saying goodbye to his mate. Now they were promising to return here in a few moons. Now he was off like a bullet, searching.

Karasu searched for a long time. He slept by day and searched by night, eating, calling, trying to find almost-forgotten landmarks. There, a jutting rock that looked like a huge eagle. There, an uprooted tree under which he used to cache things. There, the first den entrance he'd ever gone into… He had an idea.

He flew towards the humans' territory. Before long he found the house he'd been to the first time. There was no one outside, so he landed on the table and cawed. There was no response. He hopped down to the wooden floor. He could see his reflection in some sort of clear material. He tapped it with his beak. It was hard and solid, like ice. He tapped it again. It made a loud, hollow sort of noise. He tapped and tapped, and a little human came running.

He was pretty sure it was the same girl as before. She was bigger, and had different colours on, and her head fur was longer than last year, but he thought it might be the same one.

The human put her hands to the clear material and stared at him, then made high-pitched human noises, jumping and dancing. He watched as she ran to a big white thing and opened it. A light came from inside, like they'd taken a piece of the sun. She put her head in and did some things he couldn't see, and then she returned. There in her hand was a big piece of cheese.

She slid the clear thing sideways and he hopped back warily. She knelt down and held out the cheese, making happy human sounds. He cocked his head, blinked his whitelids. She waved the cheese. He reached out and grabbed it from her, then flew off. He could hear her chirping excitably behind him.

Karasu brought the cheese back to the forest. He continued his search from where he left off. More nights passed as he searched, always carrying that cheese in his beak.

One night, close to dawn, he heard distant calling, a keening whine, a high-pitched yip. He flipped in mid-air and landed on a branch, listening intently.

"…Karasu-san!" called the voice. "Karasu-san!"

Heart leaping, he swept towards the sound. Kitsune had lost her long winter fur and her new, shorter pelt was even glossier than it had been last year. She was bigger, sleeker. He wanted to dance, to dance like his heart, to show his joy to the sky and the forest and anyone who could see him.

He flew to a branch and settled loudly on it. Kitsune whipped around.

"Karasu-san!" she cried, jumping happily. "Oh, I've been looking for you for days! All the pups have grown up and my mate's left and oh, how I missed you, Karasu-san!"

He blinked his whitelids in reply, and she laughed. Then she noticed what he was holding. She smiled knowingly.

"Oh, you are a clever one, Karasu-san," she said, eyes twinkling. "Have I ever told you how glossy your feathers are?"

* * *

Somehow I managed to bring the story around into a circle. I like circles and cycles. I'm happy with the way it ended; I've always admired stories that come full circle. On another note, I did a lot of research on foxes and ravens, so the facts presented in this story are as true as I could get them.

It's funny, looking back at this chapter now, because it echoes the entire story of Two Face even more than I'd intended it to. I mean, I hadn't finished writing the whole fanfiction before I came to this chapter, but there are aspects later on which I feel stay true to the story of Karasu and Kitsune even without my meaning them to.

R+F


	51. Okaeri

The next three days are possibly the longest of my entire life.

Each hour, each minute, each second is stretched. A million thoughts pass through my head with every passing moment. I can't concentrate on anything the teachers say. It barely even registers in my head that I've failed both my math and my chemistry tests from last week.

On Wednesday night, Kiba comes to my dorm room.

"Did you change the chain on your necklace?" he asks.

"Yeah." I've taken off the silver chain that came with it, replacing it with the red one Sasuke sent me on the envelope.

"Your marks are going to drop a lot if this goes on much longer," he says.

"They already have," I reply. "Anyway, I can't do anything about how long this goes on."

"This is kinda pathetic, you know?"

I lie down on my bed. "Yeah."

He lies down next to me. "You're such a fucking girl."

I nod. "Yeah."

I put out my hand, and he takes it. It means nothing between us. It means everything.

There's an unspoken closeness between us, and yet at the same time I feel almost uncomfortable being this near him. It's a strange paradox of just _getting_ each other and being edgy about our feelings from what happened on Sunday. But silently, subconsciously, we've grown closer. That one moment of physical intimacy opened up a world of understanding. And I'm still confused.

—

I'm blowing up the situation, I'm sure of it.

I can't even remember how I felt afraid of Sasuke before. All I know is I want him back.

Kyuubi's presence is the only thing that keeps me holding on. His essence transcends all physical bonds. He's there, always. Though I would never tell him, I compare him to a loyal dog, sitting faithfully beside his master's sick bed.

He doesn't try to remind me of the reason I was afraid. He tries to alleviate the pain I'm feeling right now. It makes me wonder why I'm going through all this trouble. Is it really so bad? Sasuke's gone for two weeks, and I'm reduced to this? How weak am I?

Sasuke's due to return Friday afternoon. I can't stand being in class. I skip for the day and sleep. But it's hard to sleep much when you're not tired, and my mind is racing anyway. I drift in and out of consciousness, watching the clock skip thirty or fifteen or five minutes each time I open my eyes again. I go to lunch and tell Kiba to tell the teachers I'm not feeling well today. Granted, I haven't been feeling well for two weeks, but today especially, my anxiousness blocks everything out. I return to my dorm and go back to sleep.

But I can't sleep. I don't know if time would go slower if I were in class or here. I try going for a walk, but it's mind-numbingly boring. There's nothing, nothing I can do. I even try to kill time by doing my homework – it gets done faster than ever. It's like the world is mocking me.

The doorknob turns.

My heart sets off like a racehorse, clenching at the same time as though trying to make itself as small as possible in my chest. I stand up so fast my chair falls over. Suddenly time can't go slow enough; my hands are shaking, my breath is short.

Sasuke walks in, calm as the bottom of the ocean, pulling a suitcase along behind him.

He sees me, and his expression changes completely, from nothing to everything – shock, joy, fear, relief, nervousness, guilt. He doesn't ever lose his mind the way I do, though, and he quickly pulls his suitcase in and closes the door and walks over to me.

I'm lost for words. I can feel my chest swelling like a balloon, my eyes stinging.

"Naruto?"

All at once I collapse into him, holding him tightly, burying my face in his shoulder, crying, crying. His arms wrap around me and his hand rubs circles against my back and he murmurs into my ear, quietly, comfortingly – I don't know what he's saying, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is that he's here, here in my arms, in my sight. I can hear his voice, I can smell his scent. Everything I've needed, everything I've missed these past two weeks is suddenly right here.

It's a long, long time before I have the heart to leave this warm embrace. Eventually, though, I pull back so that I can look into his eyes. I've missed those eyes. So much.

"You're such a crybaby," he smiles helplessly, brushing the tears from my eye with his thumb.

"Fuck, I know." I put my nose against his neck and take a deep breath before sighing heavily. "I missed you, Sasuke."

"I missed you too."

He smiles that smile again, that smile that tells me he's happy despite the pain he knows we've both been through, the pain we're both still feeling.

"Can we sit?" he asks, gesturing towards my bed.

Dread rises in me. "N…not the bed," I mutter.

His smile fades and his eyes darken with guilt. "Okay."

I set my chair upright as he pulls his over, and we sit side by side, our hands linked tightly and surely. His thumb rubs the middle of my palm. No matter what happened, no matter what problems we have to talk out or how painful they might be, I'm safe. We're safe here.

"So," Sasuke says as though trying to keep the mood light, even though that would be like pretending an anvil is as light as a feather, "how were your two weeks?"

"Awful." I sniff. "Everything went wrong. I forgot about the trip, so I came back and you were gone and I panicked. I threw up in the middle of class and I got a fever. I failed two tests and skipped today and missed most of the day I threw up and couldn't pay attention to most of the rest. I…"

Sasuke can tell I'm leaving something out. "What?"

I squeeze his hand. "I was lonely," I say, as though trying to excuse myself before I even profess my crime.

He frowns. "What did you do?"

His tone – apprehensive, worried – makes me cringe. I can't say it. I can't.

"I won't be mad at you."

"You will."

"Only if you don't tell me," he says.

It's only by sheer trust and love that I can build up the courage to speak.

"I went to the Stoneheads," I start.

"And?"

"There was a girl – I danced with her. I kissed her." I turn my head away, unable to look at him. But I'm still connected to him, by our hands, by his gaze fixed on me.

He's silent.

"And a guy," I continue.

"Naruto—"

"And Kiba."

I might have been able to leave that one out, if only because I'd told Kiba we wouldn't tell Sasuke. But somehow I said it anyway.

"Oh, Naruto…" Sasuke's arms wrap around me. He presses his forehead against the back of my neck. He's trembling – just a little, but trembling all the same. "I'm sorry, Naruto…"

"No," I say, "it's my mistake. I shouldn't have done this, Sasuke… I betrayed you, I – I'm sorry…"

He shakes his head. "I deserved as much."

"No!" I turn around and look him in the eyes. They speak of guilt, guilt for driving me to such a thing, but also of hurt and even anger at my actions. "Look at you," I say. "You can't tell me you're okay with what I did. Even _I'm_ not okay with what I did. I don't care if you're mad at me. But at least forgive me."

"Yes, always," he whispers, hugging me close.

"You're mad at me," I say.

"No."

"Yes."

He pauses. "Yes."

"I don't blame you."

His grip on me tightens. "Don't leave me, Naruto," he says, voice shaking.

"I wasn't going to."

"You know how possessive I am. Why did you do this to me?"

I stare at the ground beyond Sasuke's back. "Why did you do _this_ to _me_?"

Sasuke takes a shuddering breath. "I guess we both did the wrong thing."

I nod, then carefully disentangle myself from him. "Well, my two weeks were a catastrophe," I say, smiling weakly. "What about you?"

He shrugs helplessly. "The trip would have been great, but I couldn't stop thinking about you… about how you ran away the night before and how I couldn't even apologize to you before leaving. I thought about coming back early, I thought about skipping the trip altogether…"

"You shouldn't have," I say. "I wouldn't hold you back from a trip you signed up for before you even knew me."

"I'm so sorry, Naruto," he says.

My heart aches. I can't say anything.

"I have no excuses. What I did was wrong."

"You scared me," I breathe.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I'm sorry."

"Sasuke, I'm not ready."

"I know. You don't have to forgive me."

"I can't _not_ forgive you, not after you forgave me." But the words are empty. My throat is tight, and I still hurt.

"This is a completely different level," he says. "You shouldn't forgive me."

"…Not now," I finally tell him. "I can't forgive you right now, Sasuke. But I missed you, I missed you so much."

"I'm back," he whispers.

I nod. "Welcome home."

* * *

The chapter name, "okaeri," means "welcome home." I try not to use Japanese too much in an English fanfiction, but I felt it was a fitting sentiment. Also, at the very end when they say "I'm back" and "welcome home," they would, in Japanese, be saying "tadaima" and "okaeri" respectively. It's hard to represent the duality of this, but it seems to me like both fit. I know, you're probably thinking, "Well of course they both fit, they mean the same thing! " Definition-wise, yes, but there's a subtle nuance to each that the other doesn't have.

A quick note on the part where Kiba and Naruto lie down on Naruto's bed at the beginning of the chapter. You might wonder why they would do such a thing – it's not that big a deal, but it's kind of weird anyway. In Japan, physical relations between people of the same gender are very different from the Western world. Boys will sit in each other's laps and similar random stuff that we might never even consider. It's all normal to them. Japan is known for its confusing duality – touching between the same gender is normal, but Japanese people are notoriously shy around the opposite gender. There are lots of other odd paradoxes in Japanese culture.

R+F


	52. Aftermath

Two steps forward and one step back, so they say.

Living with Sasuke is different now. Intimate physical contact became such a practiced part of our relationship that suddenly cutting that out feels strange. I feel safe holding hands with him and hugging him – I had to, I just had to when he first came back, there was no way I couldn't, I needed his presence as close as possible – and I can't fall asleep without him right there by my side – I end up crossing the room at one in the morning that first night to curl up in his arms, and it takes me all my willpower not to burst into tears again. But I can't even bring myself to kiss him. In my mind I trust him not to do anything: I've forgiven him and I know he won't do it again. But I can't override the way my body feels as though I've been betrayed. All I can do is hope that with time I'll become comfortable with him again, the way I did the first time.

—

The first class on Monday morning is gym. Kiba and Sai, the only others in our group who are in this class (Shikamaru's too lazy and Gaara and Neji are in different years), are happy to see me with Sasuke.

"Everything back to normal, then?" Sai says as we all change into our gym clothes.

I smile. "Yeah. More or less."

"It's good to have you back to your usual self," says Kiba. He reaches over to clap me on the shoulder, then hesitates. Then he continues on, simply resting his hand there instead. When he pulls it away it trails against my skin.

"Are you done?"

I turn to see Sasuke leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, watching with a strange expression in his eyes.

"Almost," I say, tugging my shoe on. I stand up straight, and he takes my hand. "Okay, let's go."

Our new unit is games of low organization, involving all sorts of unusual and fun games. Some have teams while others are every man to himself. There's even the occasional groupings, like in a kind of "sticky" tag where tagging someone results in holding hands with them and continuing until the chain becomes four and the pairs split. Sasuke tags me, and I tag Kiba, and then Sasuke manages to tag someone else and we break apart (between me and Sasuke, to our disappointment). We take a moment to get our bearings, then Kiba tugs me in a new direction to chase down Sai.

"Slow down, Kiba," I say, trying not to trip over myself.

"You can't tag people if you're slow!" he replies. "Come on!"

He pulls again, and my grip on his hand, having been slack, slips. We come apart, and his fingers brush my palm. I snatch my hand back, skin tingling. I stare at Kiba. He blinks.

"Oi," says Sasuke, tapping me on the shoulder, "I thought you were linked."

I jump. "W-we are," I say, quickly taking Kiba's hand again. Sasuke's brow furrows ever so slightly. He glances at Kiba – it looks like a glare for some weird reason – then lets his chain tug him away.

"Um…" Kiba says, looking unsure of what to do.

"Kiba-kun, Naruto-kun!" Asuma-sensei shouts. "This isn't a romantic walk in the park; get back to the game!"

Everyone laughs. I blink, and Kiba's cheeks darken slightly. From across the room I sense Sasuke's cold eyes.

—

When I get out of the shower and walk into the locker area, it's to find Sasuke and Kiba glaring icy daggers at each other. I could swear the temperature of the room just dropped twenty degrees. I stare from one to the other, and then they notice me.

"W…what's going on here?" I ask. There's no violence, no rage – just deathly glaring.

Sasuke's the first to move. He turns away sharply, like he's suddenly lost interest. "Nothing."

"Sasuke?" Sasuke ignores me. I turn to Kiba. "Kiba?"

Kiba's expression is pained. He glances one last time at Sasuke, looks at me for a long moment, then deflates. "It's nothing, Naruto."

—

Sasuke spends lunch catching up on missed homework, so I take it as an excuse to leave him be in the dorm and seek out Kiba. I meet up with him at the front of the dorm building. His expression becomes troubled when he sees me, and he very nearly tries to avoid me – I can tell – but I grab his wrist before he can even assume he'd be able to slip by.

"Kiba?"

"I don't know anymore, Naruto," he says all at once.

"What—"

His voice is barely above a whisper. "I'm not gay."

"Are you sure?" I ask, wanting both of us to be certain.

He looks me in the eye and nods. I believe him.

"So what's the problem then?" I already know, but I want it to be clear – I want to hear it in his own words. I let go of his wrist, and he leans back against the wall.

"I don't know. All I want is for things to go back to normal, but – it's like someone threw in all these emotions and I can't get rid of them."

"What do you feel?" I ask quietly.

"I'm not like you, Naruto," he says. "I can't talk about my feelings the way you can."

"It took me a major crisis to be able to talk about my feelings. You shouldn't have to go through the same thing. All you need is courage."

The crease in his brow deepens.

"If it's any help," I offer, "show me your anger first. Anger is easy to express. You have the right to be angry with me."

Kiba opens his mouth to speak, then closes it, then says, "Fuck. You think I can be mad at you when you're so accepting like that?"

"I guess not."

He shakes his head again. "Sorry, Naruto."

"Don't be."

Silence, then: "You told Sasuke? About…?"

I sigh. "I had to, Kiba. I couldn't exactly keep it a secret."

"It wasn't supposed to mean anything. It wasn't worth telling."

"Then it wasn't worth keeping secret." I put a hand on his shoulder, and he half-flinches. I pull back, kicking myself mentally for being so stupid. "Listen. I'm not going to let Sasuke blame you for that. You're the one who pushed me away. I'll take the blame."

Someone who I'm not so close to would have said, no, don't burden yourself like that. But Kiba and I know each other deeper than that. This isn't a situation for pleasantries.

"Thanks," he says, voice small.

I nod, smile, and turn to go for lunch.

"Hey, Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"If Sui's still available, you should hook me up with her," he says, voice light.

I chuckle. "I'll see."

—

Kiba's words were purely in jest – of that I'm sure. What interests me, though, is that perhaps he meant them more than even he knows.

Kiba's confused. He says he doesn't like me romantically, and I believe him. But he's got emotions to spare and no one to focus them on. Maybe finding a girlfriend for him would do him good.

So, while Sasuke goes to make up a test after classes, I text Sui and meet her at the dorm crossings.

"Hey, Naruto-kun," she says cheerfully. "Are you feeling better now that Sasuke's back?"

"Yeah." I smile. "Much better. Uh… I guess I should thank you."

"Thank me?"

"For turning me down last week," I say. "I… made mistakes. I'm glad you weren't one of them."

Sui's expression turns worried. "Did you tell Sasuke-kun?" she asks quietly.

I nod.

"That's good. The one thing that always breaks people is a lack of honesty. He may be mad at you now, but he will come to forgive you."

"Yeah. I'm… not mad, but… Sasuke made some mistakes too, and I haven't forgiven him, but I know we'll heal."

She smiles. "You two really are meant for each other."

"I'd like to think so," I reply, smiling too.

"Is there a specific reason you called me out?"

"Uh… yeah. See…" I cough. "You know, I was never very subtle. Can I just ask you without you judging me?"

"I do my best not to judge."

"Okay, well, you know Kiba?"

"Yeah, your friend? I thought he was pretty cute."

Score. "Would you consider going out with him?"

Her eyebrows go up. Her tone isn't suspicious, but rather curious. "Mind if I ask why?"

"I can't tell you the whole story, but I think he needs someone, and it can't be me." I look her in the eye. "Don't say yes if you don't want to. Don't do it if it's not in your own best interests. But consider it honestly. Would you date him?"

She takes a moment to think about it. I'm grateful.

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Sure! I haven't talked to him much, but he seems pretty funny. And he must be nice if he's your best friend, right?"

I smile. "Thanks, Sui. Here, I'll give you his number."

—

Sasuke returns to the dorm about half an hour later. I feel both happier and more apprehensive when he enters – I haven't forgotten the strange scene in the change room this morning.

"How was the test?" I ask, patting the bed beside me.

Sasuke shrugs. "No big deal."

He sits down and takes my hand. Though he seems calm, his grip is tighter, more secure than usual.

"Sasuke, can I ask you something?"

Sasuke hesitates before replying, "Always."

I frown at this. "What was going on between you and Kiba this morning?"

"Nothing," he replies, almost too soon.

"Why were you glaring at each other like that?"

He turns away with an irritated sigh. "I don't trust him, Naruto."

"What? Why? He's my best friend."

"He kissed you."

"I kissed him as much as he kissed me," I retort.

"Are you saying I should blame you?"

"Yes."

He whips around. My determination is written in my eyes.

"Don't take it out on him," I implore. "It was my mistake. They were all my mistakes. I shouldn't have…"

Pain flashes in his eyes. "You shouldn't have," he agrees.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not enough, Naruto." His grip becomes even tighter.

"I can't do anything about it now. Please, Sasuke."

He wraps his arms around me. "Why can't I forgive you once and forget about it?"

"It's okay. You can be angry with me."

"I don't want to." He squeezes me. "I don't know what to do."

"Move on," I murmur comfortingly. "I've learned my lesson. It's not right unless it's you."

His voice is quiet, tremulous. "How do I know… How do I know you won't do it again?"

"How do I prove to you I don't want anyone else?"

He sighs. "I don't know."

"I swear I love you and only you. I'll swear it on our necklaces." I put one hand over his pendant and the other over mine. "I swear."

—

Sasuke goes to make up another test he missed the next day after classes. It's a bright, sunny day, so we arrange to meet at the tree. I stop by the dorm room to drop off my stuff, then I grab the usual – music, cellphone, keys – before jamming my shoes back on.

A crow soars past the window. I stare outside for a moment, then grab the black notebook from my desk and head out.

It's Sasuke's voice that pulls me out of my reading, away from the dark, wintery forest into the warmth of May. I glance down to see Sasuke clamber up the tree, and I scoot over to make room for him. He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close.

"I see you got my story," he says quietly.

I nod. "Last week. It made the time you were gone a little less awful."

I can see his reaction to my mention of the past two weeks, a flash of discomfort in his eyes. It's a touchy subject for us both, so we've made a silent agreement to try not to talk about it too much.

"Did you like it?" he asks.

"Considering I'm reading it for the third time now, I would say… no." I grin, and he pushes me playfully. "I loved it. I didn't know you had that much emotion in that block of ice you call a heart."

"Thanks," he mutters sarcastically.

"Is there any particular reason you wrote about animals?" I ask.

"Well, they are the raven and the fox after all. I didn't think it was that hard to figure out."

"Yeah, but why?"

He rolls his eyes and sighs. "Y'know, the point of getting someone to read my writing is so that I can make sure I'm getting my point across," he says, "but obviously that doesn't work with you 'cause you're just so dumb."

"I'm not dumb, teme!" I say, poking his arm. He rubs it and grabs the notebook from my hand.

"Look," he says. "You're the fox, and I'm the raven, right?"

"Right."

"So apply that to the story." He waves the book for emphasis.

I frown. "I'm not a girl."

"That doesn't matter. You're not a fox either."

"But that's the animal I associate with."

"So maybe female is the gender you associate with," Sasuke jokes.

"Teme…"

He just smiles.

"Tell me about the story," I say.

"You already read it."

"Tell me how you thought it out." I swing a leg over the other side of the branch so I'm facing Sasuke, then trace the chain around his neck, identical to the red one around mine, with my thumb.

"Well… it depicts us, in a way. I mean, not all the details are accurate, but some events reflect our own relationship. Obviously the raven represents me and the fox represents you."

"So… Kitsune stealing the cheese, what's that stand for?"

Sasuke laces his fingers through mine, puts our foreheads together, and smiles. "It's when you stole my heart."

"That's cheesy. Pun intended." I pull away from the contact, nervous that he might try to kiss me. I want to trust him, I do. But I feel uneasy when our faces get that close. If Sasuke is troubled by my actions, he doesn't show it, continuing his explanation as though nothing happened.

"The part where Kitsune tricks Karasu is from the fable of the raven and the fox, and I just expanded on that. Karasu tries to get revenge on Kitsune – that's when I used to act mean around you because I didn't know how else to act. Then he feels bad and rights what he did wrong. But Kitsune finds out, which is when you caught me writing one of those letters."

Even as long ago as that was, I don't really want to think about it. In a lot of ways, I'm glad it happened. But still. "What about the part where Karasu meets the other ravens and goes off with them?"

Sasuke pauses, then sighs, leaning back against the tree. "I've been doing some research on universities."

"Oh." I'm not sure what to say.

"There's one in Hokkaido that I want to go to," he says quietly. "As for music and dance… you qualify for a scholarship in England."

"England?" I repeat, dumbfounded.

His hands hold mine tightly, as though afraid I might disappear if he lets go.

"I… don't know if I want to go to England."

"Europe has some of the best programs for the arts. You've got to, Naruto."

"W-why can't you come too? If you're thinking on an international level, then you must be able to find a good school in Europe."

"I'm not very good at languages. You're good at catching on in English class. It's practically instinct to you."

"That's no excuse. It's like you don't even want us to stay together after high school," I say, feeling hurt.

"That's not it," he argues, firing up instantly. (His reaction makes me feel a little better.) "I've… heard from lots of people that the school I'm thinking of is ranked high, even internationally. I can take law and learn about writing at the same time. It's perfect."

I stare at the bark of the tree between us. "Are there any good music programs in Hokkaido?"

"None as good as in Europe." He takes my chin gently and looks me in the eye. "I'll pay whatever you need to get there."

I turn my head out of his grasp. "You can't—"

"I will. I'm the sole inheritor of all the Uchihas' money. I could probably live the rest of my life in moderate comfort without ever having to get a job. But I want to learn more and earn my living, and I want you to pursue your goals."

"I don't want to leave you," I insist.

His thumb traces the scars on my cheeks. "Think of the raven and the fox," he whispers. "We've got to part eventually for our own reasons, but we can always find each other again."

"No," I breathe.

"Listen to me, Naruto," he says, voice pained, his gaze forcing me to stare back into his eyes. "I don't mind if you – well, I do mind, but I won't stop you from finding someone else while you're away. I just hope – I – I want you to come back to me after, okay?"

It's easy to see how hard it was for him to say that. He's giving me so much in those words – he's always granted me everything. The one thing Sasuke has never had to give me was the freedom to find another. I've never needed anyone but him. The fact that he's able to grant me this, even after I betrayed him, makes me want to fall in love all over again.

"Do you really think finding someone else will make it easier?" I say, my voice hardly a whisper. "Do you think I want anyone else?"

His brow furrows and he glances away. "I'm just trying to give you that option, Naruto. I don't want to restrict you if I can't even have you myself."

"You can have me," I say in earnest. "Find a place where we can go to the same school, or at least ones close to each other. Don't do this, Sasuke."

He's silent for a long time.

"I'll try," he says finally.

"Sasuke."

He looks up.

"Do you love me?"

"Do I need to say it?"

I put my hands against the trunk of the tree on either side of his face. "Do you?"

"Yes," he breathes, "I love you, Naruto."

I watch his lips as he speaks. Those lips, that taste…

I pull back. "We'll find a place for the both of us."

"We'll try out hardest."

—

Gaara approaches me during music class.

"How are things going?" he asks. "I never seem to talk to you anymore. We haven't hung out as a group in a while."

I nod. "The past two weeks were pretty rough, but now that Sasuke's back things are better again."

Gaara glances over to where Sasuke is sitting in the flute section, then lowers his voice. "Is Sasuke really that important to you? I mean, don't get me wrong, I know you guys are devoted and everything, but for you to get sick and pass out…"

"It's more than that. It's not just because he was gone, of course not. I just… can't really talk about it."

"…Okay," he says. "Well it's not up to me anyway to decide how much it takes to make a person sick."

"I was really stressed out. It's just that everything seemed to go wrong all at the same time, and I… I just couldn't handle the pressure. Getting sick might have been a coincidence, anyway," I add, trying to fend off his suspicions.

"Maybe. Did Kyuubi have anything to do with it?"

"Kyuubi? No, not at all. Actually I got so pathetic that he actually took pity on me." I grin sheepishly. "It's a bit weird, but I think that… maybe, just maybe, we're a little closer to being friends."

"_Friends? Hardly,"_ comes Kyuubi's growl. _"I just couldn't stand living with you when you were so hopelessly moody. Teenagers, I swear…"_

I chuckle. "Kyuubi's in denial."

"Oh?" says Gaara, raising his eyebrows in amusement. "Do demons not admit to having friends?"

"Guess so."

"Of course, demons think differently from humans, so what do we know?" I say, shrugging innocently. Kyuubi rolls his eyes. I glance at Gaara and we exchange knowing smiles.

—

That day at lunch, I spot Kiba and Sui walking close together, hand in hand. Sui spots me and Sasuke and waves; Kiba sees where she's looking and smiles at me. I just smile back.

"Kiba and Sui?" says Sasuke.

I nod. "I think what Kiba really needs is someone to share his emotions with," I say, "and that person can't be me."

Sasuke squeezes my hand in gratitude.

—

As though in direct relation to the turmoil of those two weeks, the following month and a half remain quiet on the social front. As exams near, all the teachers pile on the tests and review and homework, and all the students find themselves holed up at their desks for increasingly long periods of time. Whatever free time I had to chat with my friends has been reduced to nothing. This seems to be a good thing in terms of Kiba; at least, Sasuke appears more relaxed, less defensive and protective of me. We study together, reading the notes aloud, going through review exercises, quizzing each other on facts and formulae. I find comfort in this neutral action. It's much like being with a friend; I don't have to worry so much about those heart-quickening moments and the now-embedded fear of too much intimacy. I can still be with Sasuke, still laugh and touch and argue, and I'm comfortable here.

Of course, exams bring another sort of stress and anxiety. I've never been good with academics; by all rights they just aren't my thing, but I know that this year Sasuke's helped me out a lot. He might lose his patience with me fairly often, and he might not be that good of a teacher, but he's smarter than me, and we love each other, and we've gotten used to the way we fight to get me to master a concept. I don't know how to express the gratitude I feel towards him for putting up with me this entire year. What is it that makes him stick to me time after time? And yet, in much the same inexplicable way, I could never dream of parting from Sasuke, not ever, not once in the hundreds of times we've argued and fought and made mistakes and hurt each other. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger – that I can definitely believe after the rough patch we struggled through.

Every night is a fight between us and school work, a futile battle to master time and make it go faster when we're bored of working and slower when deadlines loom. But before we know it, exams are upon us, and then they're gone – and we're free. We're given an extra few days after exams to pack our bags. Some students leave by bus; others walk or get picked up.

I fall back on my bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of Sasuke packing. I don't want to think about it. We've been so busy with school that we've had almost no time to talk about _us_ – not that I really wanted to; I've gotten used to not having to delve into that area of topics – and I don't really feel like starting now. I'm under the delusion that if I don't think about it, it won't happen, and I'm perfectly happy to continue being deluded.

"Dobe, you haven't even started packing yet."

Of course Sasuke would breach the subject. "So?" I say, trying to come off as utterly uncaring.

"So the school closes tomorrow." He begins to fold his clothes and put them in neat, organized piles.

I shrug listlessly. "No difference to me."

He pauses in his folding. "What?"

"I live here, remember?" I let my head fall sideways to look at him. He's watching me with a curious expression in his eyes. "My parents were connected with the school or something. I change dorm rooms sometime in August – whenever I like, really. I have no home outside of Konoha High." I smile sadly at him. "This – this room – it's the first place I've been able to call home in my whole life, Sasuke." And soon, the person who made it a home will be leaving, and it'll just be another generic room again.

Sasuke puts down his newly folded shirt and sits on the edge of my bed. "Don't be ridiculous. You can come with me."

I sit up so fast I nearly hit my head against his. "Seriously?"

"Of course, dobe." He takes my hand. "I live alone in a house that's too big for me. Why should we be separated over the summer when we can easily stay together?"

I break into a wide smile. Sasuke smiles back, and I tackle-hug him to the bed.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," I murmur into his ear.

"Oh, you'd be helpless, alright."

"Teme!" I sit up and slam my pillow onto his face. "You're ruining the moment!"

He laughs and shoves the pillow back at me, and before long we dissolve in a tangle of grappling and fighting and laughing, caught up in the freedom of summer.

* * *

I think it's safe to say I've gotten my fair share of praise. Now I want to ask you for something else: when you review this chapter, tell me what I could do better in this story. What decisions have I made, what details have I missed that irk you? What can I improve on? I think as an amateur writer I do quite well, but I cannot by a long shot claim to be perfect. So point things out to me! Give me something to work on. The great thing about online work is that I can interact with my audience. So tell me!

R+F


	53. Only With You

Tsunade no baa-chan, as my legal guardian when school's not in session, gives me permission to spend the summer at Sasuke's. I pack faster than blinking, eager to start the summer properly. Before we know it the room is empty, bare as the day we came in at the end of August last year.

"Y'know, it's kinda sad to see it like this," I muse as we make a last sweep to make sure we haven't forgotten anything. "This is the only home I know. Not the school – this room specifically."

Sasuke smiles and takes my hand. "I'll show you a new home," he says. "Let's go, dobe."

Sasuke calls a taxi to drive us there so we don't have to go to the trouble of dragging around multiple luggage cases on the bus or train. I turn around in my seat to watch the school recede as we leave it, then turn back and look out the side window. We drive for a long time, through downtown, along the river, into quieter parts of town.

"How far away do you live, anyway?" I ask as I watch the apartment buildings get smaller and smaller, then become houses that grow in size.

"My house is way out on the edge of town."

"What? Why?"

He shrugs. "Wasn't my choice."

We're dropped off in front of a huge single-story house in an even huger lot. I stare at it.

"It's not that impressive, usuratonkachi," scoffs Sasuke. "You've just never been out this far."

"I've never even seen a house this big!" I exclaim, running after Sasuke, who's already making his way to the front. "You really live here all by yourself?"

"Yeah. My whole family used to live here, but now I own the house. I don't touch most of the rooms."

Sasuke pulls out a key from his luggage and lets us in. He even has that little place in the front where you leave your shoes before stepping into the house. There are two hardwood-floored halls – one to the left and one straight ahead – and to the right is a short passage into the kitchen and dining room.

We bring our luggage down the left hall, whose end room is a small bathroom. We pass several closed doors before going into the last one on the right, a simple, empty room with closets lining one wall.

"There's nothing here," I say.

"Not yet, no." Sasuke goes to the closets and slides one door open. "We sleep on futons."

"Futons?" I've never used a futon before. "Isn't it uncomfortable sleeping on the floor?"

"You get used to it," he replies. "Come help me."

Soon enough the futon is set up; it's meant for two people anyway, and neither Sasuke nor I see any reason to bring out another one. (Sasuke jokes that if we get seriously pissed at each other one of us can always sleep on the couch.) After that Sasuke throws open his luggage and starts hanging clothes in the next closet.

"There's room for your stuff too," he says. "Might need to get more hangers, though."

I shrug. "I'll hang my clothes later." I go over to where he is and gently tug him towards the futon, then lie back on it, sprawling out. Sasuke climbs on top of me and just smiles at me.

"We've got the whole summer ahead of us, Naruto," he says softly.

"Yeah." I put a hand on his back, then slip it under his shirt, feeling his smooth skin. I close my eyes. The skin at the side of my neck tingles uneasily, but I let it pass and soon a pair of lips brushes against the spot. The tension in my body bursts like a bubble, disappearing into nothingness. I feel myself relax under Sasuke. He snuggles in closer.

—

Falling asleep in the middle of the day is heaven. I love summer for its freedom, the freedom to not have to do anything, ever. You can sleep or eat whenever you like, you can do what you want when you want and no one cares, there's no classes you have to get to, no homework that needs to be done. The absence of the constant pressure of due dates and tests is incredibly liberating. And how better to spend the days of freedom than with Sasuke?

We head to the supermarket the first day to get food, since there's nothing in Sasuke's fridge. We stock up on all sorts of things and also grab a couple of cookbooks. Sasuke tells me cooking can be a very rewarding activity. I've never really had to make anything; the school's always provided my meals.

Making dinner proves to be incredibly confusing. I don't know the first thing about kitchens, so eventually Sasuke gives up trying to get me to help and tells me to just watch instead. So I sit back at the little table in his kitchen and watch as we talk and he cuts up a variety of foods and throws them into a frying pan along with rice and various sauces. I have no clue what he's doing, but he seems fairly confident – and the product is delicious.

For the next few days Sasuke teaches me cooking at every meal. It's time-consuming and often confusing, but like Sasuke promised, there's an incredible satisfaction at eating the results, even if they're not always as good as they're supposed to be. Between meals we do next to nothing, lying around and talking or just enjoying the freedom together. It's not very fulfilling, but it's everything I need.

After a week Sasuke gets fed up with my luggage still sitting open in the corner of the room. I argue that it's better there where it's not getting in the way, but he complains about how my clothes are spilling out from when I change each morning and he ends up helping me unpack my things because he thinks I won't ever do it if I have to do it myself. In the end he does most of the work, which annoys him, so after tossing the last of my socks into a drawer, he walks over to the futon where I'm lying and throws himself none too gently on top of me.

"Oof," I wheeze. "Teme."

"You know, it's _your_ stuff," he says pointedly.

I grin. "Then you shoulda let me do it myself."

"You weren't going to do it."

"Of course not, if you were going to. You're just running rings around your own logic."

He opens his mouth to retort, pauses, then lets out a breath that washes over my own mouth. "Whatever," he mutters, rolling his eyes.

The warm air draws my attention to his lips, slightly parted, thin and pale and smooth. He must use lip balm or something when I'm not looking. Those soft, warm lips…

His tongue darts ever so briefly out, wetting his lips, then retreats, leaving a sliver of an opening. I swallow nervously.

"Naruto?"

My eyes flick instantly to his.

"…Can I?" he asks softly.

I can feel my heart pounding, my pulse thrumming in my ears.

"Y…yeah."

It's nothing new, this kiss. We've kissed hundreds of times, times beyond counting, and yet it's as though we've never tried it before – it's soft, cautious, unhurried and tentative. It's like déjà vu, the way it plays out. I've missed the feel of his lips against mine, the way they tug softly and pucker up at just the right moments, the way his tongue barely touches my skin in the sweetest of requests. I've missed his taste, the sensation of our tongues hesitantly dancing, the texture of his teeth and the planes and contours of the roof of his mouth. I've missed the way breathing through my nose doesn't provide enough oxygen, the way his fingers grasp my hair, the way everything is reduced to touch and taste and sound and smell when our eyes are so close to each other that it's impossible to see. I've missed this.

"Sasuke," I gasp, breathless.

"You don't have to say anything," he whispers.

I close my eyes at the smile his words put on my face.

I have everything to say. I missed this. I want this, I want more and everything, but I have to wait. And he has to wait. I'm sorry he has to wait – I'm holding him back, he's holding himself back. And if he were anything but hopelessly devoted he would push me, he would blaze onward and I would take it because I want this too, but I'm afraid. I would take it, I would let him kiss me and touch me and take me and grind against me and make me come – I would, maybe. Because I'm still afraid, and if he forced me, I would break. I know he won't force me; I know he regrets what he did and is being extra careful now and letting me set the pace even more than before, but he misses this too, I know he does. He doesn't know that his walls aren't exactly soundproof – he doesn't know the way I can hear his muffled grunts and moans through the wall while he's in the shower, the way his voice makes my blood stir and my mind race. He doesn't know the way I've been jacking off in the shower too, biting my lips to silence my release, revelling in the fact that I'm coming in the same place he just came in, the fact that I can hear everything he does. He doesn't know the way my heart is full to bursting with love for the way he keeps everything to himself, the way he tries not to burden me with this.

"If…"

I open my eyes. Sasuke is glancing away, the crease of his brow ever so slight.

"…If you want to talk, I'll listen."

It sounds like an offer, the way he words it; it sounds like him being his usual self, giving everything to me, always there for me. But I can read his face, I can read the way he won't meet my eyes because he won't admit – to me, to himself – that he wants something from me, and I can read the way he frowns just a little in concentration and his lips tighten the same amount and his heart has changed its rhythm. I don't need to sense his emotions anymore to know what he's feeling, what he's thinking. Even as closed as he acts when around others, he gives off tiny signals that I can read like an open book.

"I've heard of a rule of writing," I say, "a guideline, maybe, but a good one, that you should always keep in mind."

Thrown off by my apparent change of topic, his eyes dart to mine. "What is it?"

I lift my head until his ear is so close I could kiss it. "Show, don't tell."

I draw my tongue over his skin, hearing his breath hissing past my own ear in reaction. His shirt, slightly see-through, has been teasing me all day, and it's with a sense of fulfillment that I finally break my own barriers and slip my hand under the fabric. His skin is so smooth, so soft. I reacquaint myself with the hills and valleys I've missed so, the shallow dip of his spine and the subtle curves of his waist, the angles of his shoulder blades, the strength of his shoulders, the ripple of his abs and the heaving of his chest. His mouth is exploring my own skin, my jaw and the underside of my chin and the warmth of my neck, and his hands are also finding their way back into familiar territory, though much more slowly than mine, as though he's afraid of stepping beyond the boundaries. Silently I thank him; I arch into his touch, I press my fingers into his skin, I hold him close and wordlessly urge him on. I pull his shirt over his head, then let him return the favour before tracing circles around his nipples with my fingertips. He stares at me, eyes glazed over; his hands move of their own accord. When his fingers come to the button of my jeans, I stiffen instinctively, but I want this, I really do, and so I push back my inhibitions and give in to his touch. He works the zipper slowly, torturously, down over the growing bulge in my pants, and dips his fingers into the waistband of my boxers.

"Is this okay?" he whispers.

"Yes," I murmur, kissing him softly.

I can feel the heat radiating off his fingertips; I can almost feel them – right there, so close – I cry out in surprise when they finally make contact with my aching member. He snatches his hand back, but I grab his wrist and guide it down again.

"Don't stop," I say. "Don't stop, Sasuke. I need you."

He nods. "Tell me if I…" I can hear the last words, even though he doesn't say them – _tell me if I go too far._

He takes a hold of my cock and squeezes it firmly, wrenching a gasp from my throat. His touch is strong but gentle, soft but sure. I wouldn't have it any other way. I've missed this, the way Sasuke's hands feel so much better than my own, the way the heat and the smell of his body envelop me in wonder and love. Panting, I wrench his hand away and pull his hips into mine and grind heavily against him. The heat, the friction, the knowledge that it's his arousal against mine – everything crashes over me like a tidal wave, submerging me in a floating bliss as I give a drawn-out moan of utter completion.

"Sasuke," I pant, "Sasuke…"

"Hm?" I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Sasuke… haah… I missed you." We've been practically glued to each other since he returned from the school trip, but he knows what I mean.

He kisses my cheek. "I know." I don't know if he's telling the truth, I don't know how much he can read from me, how much he might know that even I don't – but it doesn't matter.

"Are you…?" I try to focus through the haze still clouding my vision.

"What?"

I shake my head. "I don't know."

He laughs softly. "Okay."

"I'm happy," I whisper.

He nods. "I'm glad. But, well, I'm still kinda…" He gestures downwards.

"Oh." I close my eyes and pull him into a kiss, trailing my fingers along his abs. He helps me drag his pants off before I give his length a long stroke. He grunts and buries his face in my shoulder. I watch through the space between our bodies as precome leaks from the end of his cock. I press against the slit and he bucks into my hand, but then I let go of him in order to gather my own come onto my fingers.

Sasuke, eyes shut tight and close to my skin so he can't see why I've stopped, growls warningly. "Naruto…"

"Relax, Sasuke," I murmur, rubbing his back with my free hand. I spread the sticky substance on my fingers before smearing it over his arousal, making him shudder. I watch in amusement as he bucks into my unmoving hand, providing the friction all by himself.

"Naruto," he snarls.

"Okay, okay." I smile to myself and squeeze his length, then pump, quickening the pace as his reactions dictate. I feel him pulsing hotly before he lifts his head and locks our lips together, releasing a muffled moan as he empties his seed into my hand. His hips continue to roll into my touch, unwilling to let go of the fading climax, until the exertion catches up with his high. I gently rest my hand on his back and let him collapse onto me.

—

"Sasuke?" I cut through the unbroken drone of the crickets outside. "Are you asleep?"

"Yes."

"D'you ever wonder if we're doing the wrong thing?"

Sasuke's arm shifts against my torso. Despite my words, I tug the sheets a little higher over us, my eyes fixed on Sasuke's, although he's gazing out the window at the starry sky.

"Why do you ask?"

"Do you?"

"No," he says. "Maybe once or twice."

"And?"

"And I think it doesn't matter."

"I don't feel so uncomfortable anymore, but… morally, what we do, is it right?"

"It's not wrong."

"I feel like there's something wrong with us, the way we're attracted to male bodies and not female ones."

"I'm not attracted to male bodies," says Sasuke. "I'm attracted to your body specifically."

Sometimes I like to believe I've gotten over feeling embarrassed at how open Sasuke can be. Times like this squash my wishful thinking under the heels of their massive boots.

"Yeah," I murmur. "Like when I… No one makes me feel the way you do." I can't say it aloud, but I can still vividly remember that brief period – it was only a day or two – in which I tried to forget how much I missed Sasuke. Despite the fact that I should never have strayed, it at least taught me that my heart is firmly and truly set on Sasuke for all the reasons that are his being, his existence, his everything.

"They say almost everybody is bisexual to some degree. Most people lean towards the opposite gender. I just happen not to lean _away_ from males. And it's not like you dislike girls."

"No, I guess not. Do you?"

He frowns. "Maybe. Fangirls give the opposite gender a bad name from my point of view."

"That's too bad." I grin. "It coulda made for a helluva hot threesome."

Sasuke whacks me really hard on the head. "Don't be a moron. Go to sleep already."

"Geez, can't you even take a joke, teme? Unless you wanted all guys instead; that works too."

"Tell me when you find someone, won't you?" His voice drips sarcasm.

"Oh, sure. How about Kiba? Or Sai, I think he has the hots for you. If you're okay with the mixed thing we could ask Sui if—"

"Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

He wrenches my head around and kisses me, his tongue sweeping every surface of my mouth, dragging mine into a frenzied dance, pushing on and on and not giving me even half a second to catch up. It seems like ages before he finally parts from me, leaving me breathless and taking with him all the words that were in my mouth.

"Shut up and go to sleep."


	54. Memory Lane

"Ne, Sasuke?"

Sasuke rolls onto his back on the futon, his arm swinging up in the air before falling down and whacking me in the chest. "Hn?"

"Ow," I say, more out of reflex than pain. "Why don't you ever go into the rooms in the rest of your house?"

His eyes dart away. "Bad memories."

"Oh."

We fall silent. I stare at the ceiling, thinking it might have been better not to have spoken. I didn't mean to remind Sasuke of his past.

"Dobe."

I turn my head. He puts a hand to my cheek and smiles.

"Let's go for a walk. I'll show you the neighbourhood."

—

There isn't a cloud in the sky as we make our way down his driveway and onto the street. The sun is baking hot, but it feels good to be out here, hand in hand with Sasuke. How long has it been since we had the time to go out like this?

"I don't really know my neighbours," Sasuke says, gesturing towards the various houses, all separated by a fair amount of lawn compared to the packed city. "They're always at work during the day, businessmen and the like. But I don't really mind. I'm used to spending summer on my own."

There's a faraway look in Sasuke's eyes as he says it, peaceful, like some distant, serene memory is returning to him.

"Despite the fact that this was my family's house, I like being here. I guess I'm more used to calling it home than school, even though I spend ten months a year at school."

Listening to Sasuke talk is calming, but at the same time it creates a hundred questions. He seems at peace with himself here, like this is where he's meant to be, yet I can still sense the stirring of old scars. How can Sasuke contemplate such bitter revenge in his own haven?

"This is the lake," he says.

We walk out onto the little dock. It extends a few metres into a wide, open lake with crisp, clear blue water rippling ever so faintly in the breeze. A small wooded island sits in the distance. To our right, several small craft – canoes, kayaks, and a pedal boat – sit lined up on the beach. A plastic and wooden shed, stained with age, stands at the border between sand and grass.

"It's beautiful."

"Mm." He bends down to tug off his sandals, then sits on the edge of the dock and puts his feet in the water. I follow suit, finding the lake pleasantly cool. Sasuke shifts closer to me so that our shoulders are touching, our hands overlapping. "It's freshwater. It's the cleanest lake I know."

"Does that mean we can go swimming?"

"Sure, I do all the time."

"Right now?"

"If you really want to," he laughs.

I lean over, peering into the deep blue. "It would be too much trouble to go get our swimming trunks…"

Sasuke stands. "That's not a problem."

I look up to see him pulling off his shirt. Confused, I watch as he drops it on the dock, then undoes his pants and lets those fall too, and finally, to my alarm, his boxers.

"Sasuke!" I gasp, reddening, not half because the only time I ever see him naked is when we're engaging in activities inappropriate for public areas.

He shrugs, then sits back down on the edge of the dock and slips into the water, standing chest-high. I can see his feet fairly clearly in the water, which means that everything above is even clearer.

"No big deal," he concludes. "There's no one around anyway. Are you coming in or not?"

I hesitate, then quickly get up and strip naked before jumping in with a huge splash. The water is cool and welcome on a hot day like today. When I surface it's to find a distinctly wetter and more irritated Sasuke glaring at me.

"Sorry," I say, then giggle. "I've always wanted to skinny-dip."

Sasuke smiles. That expression is so familiar to me now; it's the one he wears when he's got sex on the brain. He leans in, and I allow him to kiss me long and sweet and hot, standing here naked in the cool water with the sun beating on our exposed skin. Already his pitch-black hair burns to the touch; already his pale skin scorches my hands. He draws closer, and I press my body to his just to see what it feels like under the water. It's like my senses are muted, dulled with the pressure of the water all over, and yet everywhere we make contact it tingles coldly with some new sensation.

"Don't you think we should… mm… move away from the shore?" I ask as his fingers, still warm for now, raise goosebumps wherever they trail. "In case someone comes."

He shrugs noncommittally, dragging wet hands across my cheeks and into my hair. "No one will come. Except you and me," he adds, smirking dangerously, and grabs our erections in one hand and squeezes. I groan, hips lurching.

"That was a really bad joke."

"You liked it." He breathes against my ear. "You know you just want to hear me talk dirty."

My face flushes and my heart takes off. "Y-you—"

"Shh." His fingers touch my lips as though blocking the exit for any more words I was about to say, then he traces my mouth, dipping his fingertips in where I flick them with my tongue. "I know it turns you on."

It's embarrassing, it really is – my face couldn't get redder – but oh, is it ever intoxicating.

"You like when I talk, don't you? I can tell. The way you _shiver_—" he hisses the word, and a tremor rolls down my spine "—at all the right moments. I could get you hard just by talking."

"Fuck – Sasuke…" I cling to him, pushing into his touch, now cold, sending the strangest pleasure through my system.

"Mm… You want me to go on?"

"Yes, shit," I pant, barely coherent. I grind harshly against him and he expels a heavy breath. "Don't stop. Don't."

"Haah – Naruto," he whispers. "You've gotten so used to telling me what to do…"

"Funny," I reply shortly, "since you're s'posed to be seme."

"I'm okay with give-and-take." He lets go of our cocks to grip my upper arm almost painfully, pulling me close. Even his kiss is rough, urgent; it doesn't last long. "Little problem: I can't talk if we're kissing."

"You'll have to – nnh – alternate then."

"Fair enough. Are you close?"

I moan and nod. Just his husky pitch is causing the coil in the pit of my stomach to compress, burning up, about to burst into flames.

"The longer it takes, the higher the chance that someone will see us," he breathes. "We're almost there. Just… mmn… a little more. It's right… _there_…"

What with the strange, slow fluidity of moving in water and the cold and hot and Sasuke's words and Sasuke's taste in my mouth, it's not long at all before he pulses against me and climaxes with a moan that's to die for. What really gets me, though, is when I look into the water to see a cloud of white bloom between us, hanging suspended in the water before our movement sends it away with the churning water. That's all it takes, and it's all I can do not to cry out as my own come releases into the lake.

"Now," says Sasuke, unable to control his smile, "the problem is getting dry and getting our clothes back on."

—

Although the act of skinny dipping is thrilling, the possibility of being seen naked on shore is more than even Sasuke can bear, so we quickly use our shirts to dry off a little, then don our boxers and sandals and head home carrying the rest of our clothes.

Once we're home we toss our clothes in the laundry basket and head off for a good shower, which inevitably generates more steam than the hot water can account for. Then we go out onto Sasuke's back porch to bake in the sun. There's only one chair, since Sasuke has no need for more than that, so I just spread out on a towel on the deck and watch the clouds scudding by, and Sasuke lies back on the chair and writes. It's silent – well, okay, not silent; the wind stirs up trees and birds call to each other and Sasuke's pencil flies furiously across the paper, but it's a peaceful background sound. I close my eyes and surrender myself to the open sky and summer.

—

When I wake up, I notice a weird feeling on my forehead and my nose, and something is tickling my chin. I open my eyes to see a haze of white right in front of my eyes with afternoon sunlight shining through. I grab at my face and pull off the paper that's been taped to my forehead, wincing as the tape tears at my skin. Flipping it over, I read Sasuke's elegant script:

_Gone for groceries. I'll be back by dinner._

My initial reaction is to feel left out, but then I realize I don't really like grocery shopping anyway and Sasuke can do it himself for all I care. So I bring the note and the towel back inside, toss the note in the garbage, then stand in the hall not knowing what to do. Going to the bedroom to sleep more would be the kind of thing I do every summer, but I don't feel like it now. But I have to do something to pass the time, right? Until Sasuke comes back.

I glance around. The walls are bare, all doors closed besides the ones for the bedroom and bathroom. We never even set foot in the hall across from the front door. Where is everything? I mean, I know Sasuke lives here less than a quarter of the year, and that he doesn't like to go into the other rooms because they hold bad memories for him, but wouldn't there even be a single picture hanging from the wall? A plastic house plant? A calendar, for god's sakes? Well, no, the calendar is propped up on the dining table. Clocks, there are a couple of clocks. But whatever this place may be, it's not really a home.

Home is where the heart is, they say. To me, as long as I'm with Sasuke, anywhere I live can be called home. I guess Sasuke is where my heart is. As long as he's there, I'm comfortable. But what about before? I had no home. School was my living place, but I wouldn't call it home. Was it the same for Sasuke? Did this place lose its status as a home when the people who had his heart disappeared?

The orange light of the gradually setting sun peeks out from under one of the closed doors, slanting across the hardwood floor. Drawn, I slowly, almost cautiously reach for the doorknob and turn it. Even more slowly, I push the door open.

Ten years of dust slide across the floor as the door sweeps it aside, sending the topmost layers swirling about in the air. Lines of dust, parallel arcs, mark the door's passage between the frame where it's stood for a decade and the place a foot away where I'm holding it now. Afraid to open it any more lest I disturb something, I poke my head inside.

It's a bedroom. A simple room, a single bed, a closed closet, a nightstand with a lamp and a stopped clock. Even the black bed sheets are thick with dust. The blinds are down, but light still gets through. A few dark, faded posters scatter the walls, images of indistinguishable figures. A couple of picture frames hang. One looks like four people standing together on a bright summer day; the other seems to be a young child and an older boy.

Curious, I step inside, feeling the dust cling to my feet. I feel a little guilty for tracking footprints into the room, but I can't very well hide what I've done anyway, since I've opened the door and moved all that dust. The chances that Sasuke will open this door are slim, in any case.

It's hard to see, even from close up, but it looks like the first is Sasuke's family and the second is Sasuke with his brother. I smile to myself. Sasuke made a cute seven-year-old. Itachi must have been almost ten years older – our age. Itachi was a murderer at our age.

Carefully I back out and close the door. Some of the dust swirls into the hallway, and my now-dusty feet leave prints even after I try to brush them off.

All the other rooms are similar. The first one must have been Itachi's room. There's a room with a smaller bed – maybe Sasuke's room when he was younger. In the other hall, a larger room holds an en-suite bathroom, a large bed, a dresser and a dusty mirror – Sasuke's parents' room. There's a study, with a large desk and places where a chair, a computer, and a desk lamp used to be – Sasuke probably moved those into the living room where the computer is now, instead of buying a new one, although the one he's using now can't be more than a year old. There's also a large bookcase with tomes that haven't been touched in a decade – dictionaries, encyclopaedias, novels. Empty filing boxes sit on the shelves too.

There's a traditional Japanese room at the end of this hall, with straw tatami mats, walls and ceiling reinforced with beams of dark, polished wood, alcoves along one wall decorated with large, expensive vases, arranged dried flowers, and a little shrine where a picture frame sits. I cautiously make my way across the room to the shrine. I try to move a little dust before kneeling on the mat in front of it. On either side there's pots of ashes, half-burned incense sticking out of them, a nearly empty match box lying neatly beside. Small gifts and offerings have been laid out. And there, right in the middle, is a picture of Sasuke's parents.

Sasuke's mother is beautiful. She looks kind, quiet, the kind of mother I would have loved to have. I imagine an alternate reality in which Sasuke and I, little children, might be running around his mother's feet as she laughs, trying to do the cooking. She's probably wearing an apron, and waving a spatula or some such at us. I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat.

His father has a stern look. Though he's smiling in the picture, it's an austere kind of smile, a strict expression. He's clearly the type of father who heads the family. What little I've heard of him from Sasuke fits – a true businessman, only interested in success – the success of his family, of his children.

So Sasuke set up a shrine for his parents. That means that he didn't shut everything out immediately after the incident. He gave them a memorial, prayed for them, left them tokens for their afterlives. What made him stop? Was it too much to bear? Did he just grow tired of it? Having to visit your parents' shrine, maybe daily, for your entire life – from the age of seven, anyway – must be difficult. I don't know where my parents were buried. I don't know who they are. I never even considered that I might pray for them.

Sasuke has a lot to carry. He never talks about it. Maybe he thinks it's a burden he can only shoulder on his own, or maybe he's tried to shut it all out. But he hasn't moved on – that much is certain in the way he broods over Itachi.

I close my eyes and put my hands together. _Thank you,_ I tell them. _Thank you for Sasuke. I don't know what I would do without him. I promise I'll take care of him for you._

I hear, down the hall, the sound of keys dropping to the floor.

I whip around. Sasuke is standing at the front door, groceries in hand, staring down the hall to where I am, in this room he hasn't touched in years. Then he's striding over, fury etched in every line of his body.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He hesitates only a fraction of a second at the doorway, so briefly that he doesn't even realize the avoidance he's drilled into his subconscious. He grabs my wrist and drags me out of the room. He seems at a loss for words. "Naruto! What were you doing in there?"

"Sasuke – I—" I stare back helplessly, distracted by the pain in his eyes. He's turned his pain into anger. He doesn't know what to do. "You… never said I couldn't," I finish weakly.

"Think, Naruto, think about it! I told you, I don't touch these rooms because there are bad memories in them. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, out of common sense, out of respect for my feelings, you might decide not to go in there?"

It's like being hit in the stomach with a comet. I never thought – I never even considered Sasuke's feelings, in all of this. I only thought that in looking into those rooms I might learn a little more about him.

"I thought you knew!" he shouts. "I thought you told me that you were going to wait, that you could wait until I was ready to tell you and – you – But no, you just had to go snooping around while I was gone, didn't you? You didn't even think about how I might feel! You figured, hey, since I never go in there anyway, you can just take a peek, no problem, right? Because you'd be cleaning up those footprints and that dust? Because you'd finish exploring and put everything back the way it was in time for dinner? You – I come back from buying fucking groceries and you're sitting at my parents' shrine like you can just—"

Sasuke's falling apart. His rage is propelled by the pain of loneliness, and now everything is rushing back to him, all the memories and emotions that he's shut out, that he's worked so hard to block away, and I've pulled the stop and sent the shattered remnants of his dam crashing down the waterfall he's been pushing back all this time.

Stricken, he slumps to the floor, sitting in a heap in front of me. I follow instantly and unquestioningly. He grabs my shoulders, like he doesn't know whether to hug me or hit me, but no matter what his decision, it'll be with force. He's trembling, his grip vicelike. He looks up, and there's so much fire in his wide, churning eyes that I'm overwhelmed. And then he pulls himself close to me, burying his face in my chest, shaking, clinging, a torrent of emotions. He's gasping and sobbing, but no tears come out. I don't know what to do. Sasuke's always been the one to comfort me; he's always been strong, always solid. What am I supposed to do when everything is turned upside down? When Sasuke becomes the one who needs me? When I'm the one who's done this to him?

"Sasuke—"

"Fuck you."

I fall back, stunned. Never, never in all this time has either of us sworn at the other and meant it. Not since I found Sasuke writing those anonymous letters.

Guilt lacing every one of my veins, I stand. Sasuke doesn't move, but it's like his anger surrounds him in a dark, tumbling cloud. It's the hardest thing to do at a time like this, but he needs it, I just know he does – silently I turn away, walk down this hall and up the other, and shut myself in the bedroom.


	55. The Bonds of Brotherhood

I fall back on the futon with a loud thump.

"_Way to fuck up, kid."_

"Shut up, Kyuubi. I thought you were supposed to be cringing in fear in the corner of your cage?"

"_Hey, now. I feed off of negative emotions in general, y'know? Even loving angst has its benefits for me. Anyway, after a few months of you guys jacking each other off and whatnot, even a demon's gotta get a little used to it. Don't get me wrong, it still stings like a bitch, but you can't tell me you don't feel it too. It's not the same as it used to be, is it?"_

"That's beside the point right now," I snap. Then I roll over and bury my face in the pillow. "Fuck."

"_Well articulated. 'Grats."_

"Would you shut up?"

He graciously complies.

I swear under my breath again, then listen. The house is silent – silent, but not still. It's as though Sasuke's rage is filling the whole place, this place full of memories, stirring the air. I don't know how attuned I am to his emotions by now. I don't even know if I _am_ attuned to his emotions. Maybe I'm just making this all up in my head, believing I can sense things that aren't around me and shit like that.

"_It's not entirely bullshit," _Kyuubi offers. _"Y'know how predators can sense fear?"_

"What, so I prey off of emotions now?"

"_I said not _entirely_ bullshit. You've got extreme intuition, boy. It's something only humans really have a use for, because they have so many damn subtleties in their emotions. You have a way of just knowing how a person feels, so much that you can guess what they're thinking at times. Goes without saying that since you're practically glued to the Uchiha brat you're even more used to how he acts. On the other hand, he's pretty stoic, so it's taken you longer to learn his habits, but it's also made you even more aware. It's about even right now, but later it'll become an advantage. Y'know, in the long run, and all that."_

"You say it like it's key to my survival."

"_Isn't it? You can use it to know what people want and therefore manipulate them."_

"Tell me about it later," I mutter. "I don't want to talk to you right now. I need to think."

"_But you can't stop me from talking."_

I can ignore him, though, and I know – whether by this _intuition_ or not – that Kyuubi prefers to talk if I'm responding, even if only tersely, and so he soon begins to complain about how good I am at this manipulating thing already, then he eventually stops altogether.

Having regained silence, I'm able to tune my senses to the atmosphere of the house again. It buzzes with anger, pain, and frustration – if Kyuubi could take emotions out of the air he'd have a feast. He seems pretty happy right now as it is, feeding off of the guilt that twists in my gut like writhing snakes.

—

Nothing happens for nearly an hour. Out of the respect for Sasuke that I ignored before, I don't leave the room. Out of apathy and the stomach-turning feeling of having seriously fucked up, I don't move an inch from where I lie.

Then a pair of feet storms up the halls. I expect Sasuke to burst into the room and hit me, maybe throw me out of the house. But the door that bangs violently against a wall isn't mine.

I stare at the ceiling, heart pounding. What is Sasuke doing?

I hear my answer soon enough. There's a slightly muffled roar of frustration and the flapping of fabric. A soft thump sounds against a wall. Another shout, then the crashing of wood on wood and shattering glass, once, twice. Tearing paper. A sliding door slamming open. A moment of clanging metal, then a long succession of sharp thuds that echo in the walls. Drawers being wrenched open, papers snapping against each other. And all the while, the furious, desperate yelling and screaming.

Sasuke's voice cracks. There's a soft, heavy _flump_, then everything is silent.

—

About an hour later, I very quietly step outside. A faint, warm, sweet smell wafts down the hall. The door to Itachi's room is open. Hangers litter the floor; broken glass and splintered wooden picture frames lie beneath the window. The posters are mostly torn from the walls, though strips of paper still hang limply from the tacks that remain. One small area of the wall is covered in little dent lines. The closet door is open, its contents strewn on the floor. Wherever there aren't hangers, there are clothes or scattered papers. The drawers of Itachi's desk are open and mostly empty; most everything that was in them is now on the floor with everything else. And Sasuke – exhausted, spent, drained Sasuke – lies on Itachi's uncovered bed, hugging the pillow, his back to the door.

Without a sound, I return to the bedroom.

—

When I'm awakened, it's by Sasuke pressing into me, burying his face in my shoulder. Without a word, without opening my eyes, I put my arm around his waist and rub circles into his back. He relaxes almost immediately. Though he doesn't move, I could almost swear I hear a tiny _thank you_ in the touch of his fingers.

* * *

What makes this part of the story so great to me is that, despite his fairly prominent role in the story, I've never really thought much about Sasuke's character. Most everything he does is for Naruto's sake, to develop Naruto's character. I mean, it's impossible not to develop Naruto's character because he's the narrator and so this story is more Naruto-centric than anything. Sasuke becomes a very secondary character in light of this. Oh, sure, the fanfiction title is talking about him, but again in terms of Naruto, and I always figured I'd sort of botched the title of the fanfiction anyway – I just needed a name to update it under and I couldn't think of anything else.

R+F


	56. Seven Again

I wake up in a tangle of arms and legs and sheets, with a warm, heavy body above me. Though we're an awkward mess of limbs and the odd bony finger or elbow or knee juts into me, I'm comfortable, and I'm content to simply lie here in this warmth that touches not only my skin and my core, but my heart and soul as well.

Sasuke shifts slightly in his sleep, jabbing something hard against my hip. He mutters something indistinct and moves again. It's not until a moment later that I realize two things: the "something hard" isn't a joint, and Sasuke's moaning my name and trying to hump my leg.

Oh, how embarrassing it would be for Sasuke to find out he's been having a wet dream – and a vivid one at that – while on top of me. On the other hand, his actions are supplying sweet friction to my own member and at this rate it won't be long until I'm hard too. I think it would at least be better if we were both conscious for something like this.

I cautiously move Sasuke's upper body off of me. He grunts in unconscious protest, but I ignore it and take a deep breath and seal my lips over his, plugging his nose at the same time. There's a beat of inaction, then he wrinkles his nose. I lick his tongue and he immediately pushes at mine in an action that can't be mistaken for aimless movement. Then the lack of oxygen catches up with him.

He instinctively takes a deep breath, sucking most of the air out of my lungs. Although I'd sort of meant for that to happen, it's like being gently winded (whatever sense that makes) and I instantly break away to regain some much-needed air of my own, especially considering I've been holding that lungful for nearly a minute now.

Sasuke makes a blind grab for my arm, hits me in the face with errant fingers, then tries again and finds my wrist. He pulls my hand off of his nose and pushes it away, eyes now wide open.

"What're you—" he begins, but I interrupt him by grabbing the bulge at his pants and squeezing just hard enough to turn pleasure into discomfort. He inhales sharply, his hips jerking as though unable to decide whether to push forward into my touch or pull away from the pressure. I watch the blood rush to his cheeks as he becomes aware of the situation.

"Good morning, Sasuke," I say, feigning innocence in my voice even as I push him onto his back and roll over on top of him. I get a leg in between both of his and let my thigh pick up where my hand left off, and I'm rewarded by both a sense of triumph when he grinds into me and pleasure of my own as he brings a knee up to massage my growing erection.

"N-Naruto?" he pants as I lean in to ravish his neck and collarbone. I allow myself a moment to sample the salty flavour of his skin, then pull back to take in his appearance.

Despite the fading tear stains and the slightly red eyes, I'm met with a flushed, sprawled-out, beautiful work of art: hair everywhere, arms in the middle of flailing, tantalizing lips parted just so, tiny puffs of warm air brushing against my face. A vulnerable, defiant, inviting gaze meets mine under hooded eyes. I suddenly feel like a powerful predator, with my prey inescapably trapped under me, and the rush of adrenaline that fills me is laced with hunger.

"Let me have you," is all I say.

And he lets me.

Sasuke is uncharacteristically compliant this morning as I peel his clothes away, as I roll my hips slowly against his, as I cover him in kisses, in saliva and bite marks and little red hickeys. He doesn't initiate any actions, but instead simply responds – enthusiastically, yes, but never taking control. I can read his movements because I'm so used to being the one carrying them out. I enjoy what Sasuke does to me, and I'm quite happy to respond to his stimulations, to do everything he asks of me. That's what Sasuke is doing now, as we sit in each other's skins and come to our climax in a completely new yet still undeniably familiar way.

"Are you okay?" I ask him quietly in the afterglow, and he knows I'm not just talking physically. There's something more to his complacency.

"It's like being seven again," he replies.

And it all makes sense.

It's not like I didn't know, really. I guess, instinctively, it was something I'd sensed; but his saying it makes it so much more real. Sasuke went back to the time when he was seven, back to the mourning he'd refused himself, the anger he'd let simmer within. The evidence was everywhere. I smelled the incense. I saw the destruction. I saw the anger he'd unleashed and the physical toll of his sudden overload of emotions. And I saw, deep down under the hatred and confusion and despair, undeniable love.

Sasuke was wearing different clothes, clothes I've never seen him wear before, that don't quite fit his style. They don't quite fit any style – they're ten years old. After turning Itachi's room inside out, he'd changed into his brother's old clothes, picked the pillow up off the floor from where it had fallen after he'd hurled it at the wall, and fallen asleep on Itachi's bed. And he'd cried: for his parents, for the loss of a brother and a hero, and for everything he hadn't done a decade ago.

Sasuke is seven again. His spirit has reverted back into that time, that moment he should have had after the incident. Seven in soul, seventeen in body – and now I'm the only person he has left. If there's one good thing about all of this happening now, it's that he has someone to comfort him. Unleashing pent-up emotions after ten years is never ideal, but ten years ago, who would he have had?

His breathing is slow now, his eyes closed, his arms tightly around me. I sigh and press a kiss to his cheek and pull the covers back over us. Although I'm not tired at all now, for Sasuke's sake, I close my eyes too and let peace wash over me.


	57. The Past and the Future

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask.

Sasuke nurses the mug of coffee in his hands, staring into the black liquid like he could drown in it. His food is nearly untouched.

"I'm not sure," he says. "I feel… overwhelmed."

I stay silent, because I'm aware of this.

"Everything's been turned upside down, I—"

He sighs and buries his face in his hands in exasperation. Even if he did want to talk about it, it would take so long just to cover the basics, lay down the foundations for anything else there could be to say…

"Okay," he says, preparing himself. He takes a sip of coffee, sets the mug carefully on its coaster, centres and re-centres it to distract himself. He tries to say something, then sighs. "I don't know."

"Anything that comes to mind. Anything." I put my hand over one of his. "I don't know what I can do to help you, but I can listen. Talking's always helped us before, right? About you. About me. Anything."

"You. I can't help but put a lot of the blame on you." He says it without hesitation, as though to get it off his chest, as though he knows I won't be offended – and I'm not. "You were the catalyst for all this. It's not your fault, but you brought it up."

I nod in agreement and acceptance. He interlaces our fingers, his thumb tracing the back of mine.

"It was partly my fault too, holding it in for so long. But I didn't expect for it to come back to haunt me. I'd made my decisions; I was resolved. I was sure that once I focused on my task it would… what? Erase the memories?"

"Not if you don't give them some thought in the first place," I reply. "Mourning isn't just for the memory of the person. It's for yourself as well, to give yourself a chance to let it all out, isn't it? Otherwise it haunts you. Maybe that's what ghosts are."

"I don't believe in ghosts."

"No, but memories can haunt."

Slowly he nods. "Yeah."

I watch him, waiting. He has more to say.

"So many things happened that I wasn't used to. This… sadness. I can't remember the last time I cried. To finally mourn my parents who have been dead ten years, I… it only makes it worse."

_Which is why you should have cried that first time,_ I say silently. But I don't want to preach. I'm here to help him, not to reprimand him for his mistakes. But he sees it in my eyes, and he understands.

"And the anger," he continues, quietly. "Sure, I've felt anger before, lots of times. But I've never felt so… so _helpless_, so unable to do a thing. Anger and sadness were useless because they didn't change what had happened, so I focused on what could be changed. I gave myself a task, and called it revenge. It wouldn't bring my parents back, but I wanted justice. I want justice."

"And you want to go into law just because of that? When it doesn't even interest you? You're going to give up your life for revenge?"

"I have no life," he snaps. "Itachi took everything from me. I have no interests worth pursuing for a career. Who do you think I am? All I do is homework. I study. I get top marks. I have no friends. My identity was set the day it was stripped from me."

I frown, watching the expression in those eyes. They go cold when he talks about revenge, colder even than when he's in public, when he builds up those walls around him. It's a remorseless ice, a hard fire, and it frightens me. That's not the Sasuke I know. That's not the Sasuke who shows me he loves me, who is selfless and caring and tender-hearted. It's a stranger, a deeper and darker side of him he's never shown me.

The truth is, even after everything we've gone through, Sasuke still knows more about me than I know about him. He's always been closed off. I've accepted it; I've let him open up at his own pace. I'm an open soul to begin with, but Sasuke's always been quiet, literally and figuratively. He's been on his own for a long time too, but he's known the pain of loss. It's hardened him, made it hard for him to trust others. Even me.

Sasuke's not as strong as he pretends to be. Maybe even he doesn't realize it. He's protecting himself, he thinks. Emotions hurt, so he blocks what he can – he's translated the pain of the past into the desire for revenge because he doesn't know how else to heal and move on.

"You have me," I say. "You don't need revenge."

He snorts. "No offense, but you're not exactly a career."

His words are true, but his tone stings. Like he doesn't care that I'm here for him.

But this isn't about me. This is about him. I brush aside the pain and say, "Are you going to spend years and years studying just to get Itachi in prison? What are you going to do after that? Are you even interested in law?"

It's a long time before he answers, "No."

"I thought you were the one thinking about the future. I thought you knew what you were doing, Sasuke." It almost sounds like an accusation, but I don't regret that.

"I don't know what else to do."

"You write. You dance. There are lots of things you can do. You're good at everything, Sasuke. You pick something up as soon as you're taught it. It'll be easy for you to find something you're interested in. A lot of people don't even know what they're going to study until after applications start, so you've got plenty of time. I'll help you. I'll do whatever I can. Don't push yourself into a career you won't enjoy. You can't live with a decision like this all your life if you're not passionate about it."

"I'm not passionate."

The words strike me as strange. I expected him to continue, to say something like "I'm not passionate about much." But…

"You are," I tell him. "I know what your passion looks like. You're the most passionate person I know."

"I'm cold, Naruto. I'm not like you." He says it with a hard tone, almost bitterly, like he's trying to prove it. But I know better.

I stand, walk over to his side of the table, and hold a hand out. Confused, he takes it, and I make him stand up too. I stare him right in the eye.

"Kiss me," I command.

It's by the sheer power of my gaze that he plays along, drawn in by my eyes. He brushes his lips against mine, then presses softly. I take his head in my hands and pull him closer, moving my fingers against his skin and in his hair as I tug at his lips, coaxing him into motion. He resists at first – he knows what I'm doing, he just wants to prove me wrong. But I know the truth. I force my tongue into his mouth, entering whether he wants me to or not. I scour the surfaces of his teeth and gums, I push his tongue this way and that. He takes offence at my prodding dominance and grapples with me, trying to control me. I fight hard, every sweep a rush of his taste, every movement a flood of exhilaration. He takes over the dance, flicking me in all the right places, forcing me to concede to him, to follow him, and I do so with feigned reluctance. He blazes a path within our mouths. His hands grasp my skin. His body presses against mine. With a great effort I wrench our mouths apart to lock our gazes.

"This," I pant, "is passion. This… is you… Sasuke."

"Cheater," he breathes, though his eyes are alight.

"Look at you. You can't tell me after that that you're not passionate."

Sasuke falters. "It feels… wrong. Being set on law for ten years, and then suddenly backing out. Just because I don't enjoy it doesn't mean I can give up."

"You haven't even gotten into it yet. What did you take literature for? Why'd you sign up for it again next year? Because you like it. There are tons of writing careers."

"Look, that's not the point. This isn't about my career."

"Yes it is."

He turns away in frustration and resentment.

"You're trying to make your past your future. You don't have to stay on that road for the rest of your life. You can move on. Forget Itachi. What he's done can't be changed. You have me." I take his head in my hands and force him to face me. I don't miss the fact that his own arms are still around me. "I'll always be here for you."

"It's…" He sighs heavily and twists away from my embrace, taking a step back. "I need some time to sort out my thoughts. Can… can you…?"

I know what he wants of me. "I'll go," I say softly. "Call my cell if you need me, 'kay?"

"Mm." He's lost in the reflection in his coffee again.


	58. Souls Move On

I wander downtown alone, feeling the city and the people rushing around me while I stand isolated in the middle. Everyone's got things to do, people to meet, places to go. I descend into the subway station to watch the comings and goings of the transit. My eye is automatically drawn to teen groups and couples, talking, laughing, having a good time.

I think of Sasuke. What's he doing now? Praying to his parents? Standing in Itachi's room? Crying? Sleeping? Or has he not even moved from the table where I left him nearly an hour ago?

With nothing to do and no indication as to when it will be appropriate for me to return home, I consider calling someone up to hang out. Not Kiba – he's probably spending his time happily with Sui and I don't want to bother them. They're a good match; I'm glad they're together. Shikamaru's on vacation in Nara Prefecture with his family (we've made all the jokes about his last name and the deer and everything). So I call Sai.

When his phone picks up, there's a bit of shuffling, then a bleary voice says, "Naruto-kun? 'M kinda busy…"

I frown as more shifting goes on and a different muffled voice murmurs indistinctly. I can hear a deep bass thrumming in the background, like a shout from far away.

"What're you up to?" I ask.

"Friday Night" is all he mutters, then a long bout of giggling erupts from the muffled voice. "S'ry, we—"

A loud crash, made to sound a bit like a gun going off in the cellphone, blasts into my ear, scaring me out of my wits. When I collect myself again and press the phone back to my ear, the line's dead.

_Well_ then. Not only is it the middle of the day, but Sai's totally smashed, and by the sounds of it so was his partner – whatever gender they were; I couldn't tell. Hell, I didn't know the Stoneheads was even open at this hour. Whatever floats his boat, I guess. I take a moment to let my still-racing heart to slow down and my ear regain normal hearing, then I call Gaara.

"Naruto? Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just wondering if you wanted to hang out for a bit."

"What, you're not with Sasuke?" He sounds incredulous. "Next you'll tell me the world is ending."

"Hey!" I say in mock accusing tones. Then more seriously I go on, "Well, you know us, never a day without drama… I can't say the details, but Sasuke needed some time to think, so I let him be. I'm just killing time now."

"Whatever it is, I hope it works out okay. I'd love to chill, but… well, the truth is…" Gaara pauses. "I'm on a date."

"What? That's awesome, who with?"

"A girl from Konoha Middle School; she'll be coming to Konoha High next year. Met her on the train yesterday. Look, I can't talk long, I'm in the guys' bathroom right now—"

"Right, sorry. Have a good time. You'll have to tell me all about it later, you hear me?"

"Roger that," he says, a smile clear in his voice. Then he hangs up.

Huh. Everyone's hooking up, it seems. What about Neji? He went through his entire high school career without ever dating. Surely he'll find someone in university, though. He's not the type for a summer fling, and he's leaving town for uni, so he can't be busy, right? (Knock on wood.)

As luck would have it, Neji is free after all, so we meet up at a subway station we can both easily get to. Since it's just killing time, we walk around downtown and chat.

"Are you ready for uni?" I ask him. Since I've been spending so much time with Sasuke this past week of summer, I haven't chatted with my friends much, by phone, text, email, or instant messaging. It's about time we caught up a little.

Neji shrugs. "Pretty much. I'm leaving towards the end of August."

"Won't it be really different? I mean, having lived here in Konoha all your life and then suddenly moving out and being totally independent, and everything."

"Yeah. Konoha's a small town, and Tokyo's nothing if not big. But I'll manage." He hooks his thumbs into his belt loops. "I feel a little bad for Gaara, though. You'll all be graduating next year and he'll still be here."

"If things go well he'll have a girlfriend," I say. Neji is surprised by this, so I tell him about the phone conversation. "What about you?"

"Me? A girlfriend? Never really thought about it." He pauses, as though he is thinking about it now. "I've always prioritized studying. University will be even busier. I don't know if I'll have time."

"Hmm." I dunno if I'd thought of that. Assuming Sasuke and I did go to the same university or two close to each other, would we even have time to ourselves? "It can't be work twenty-four-seven," I reason.

"No, but the free time of two different students might not coincide."

"I suppose." Well that's really depressing, now isn't it?

"What are your plans for university? You probably haven't figured it out yet, but it's about time to start."

"Oh, I've thought about it," I assure him. "A lot. Sasuke and I have talked about it for hours. It's hard. He wants to go into law in Hokkaido, and he says I could get a scholarship for music and dance in England."

Neji gives a low whistle. "Europe's the place to go for the arts. Dance is your thing, then? I thought your dream was to be a one-man band."

"Only because I didn't know what else to do. Sasuke convinced me that dance is my true passion."

"It's not hard to tell," Neji agrees. "You're good at it, and you feel it implicitly. What about him? Is law Sasuke's passion?"

I frown. "I don't know what Sasuke is passionate about. Law is his life. I… can't really tell you the details."

He nods in understanding.

"He's had a rough past, and he thinks revenge is the only thing that will help him. Even if it doesn't change what happened. I've never seen him so set on an idea."

"Passion is similar to determination," Neji observes. "But passion is better when it's a positive feeling."

"Yeah. I'm trying to convince him to do something he'll enjoy, like writing or something else related to literature. He doesn't think it's a very sustaining career."

"Very few people make a comfortable living off of the arts unless it includes teaching."

"That's what I'm planning to do, and I told him he could teach as well, but he just—" I sigh. "I've been over all this before. I don't know."

"Give it time," says Neji.

"I don't know," I repeat. "He's so… stubborn. I don't know how to convince him, but I don't want him to start studying law and then realize it's not what he wants to do."

"What if it is what he wants to do?"

I blink.

"Maybe you hadn't thought of it before, but Sasuke seems to me like the kind of person who can do anything he sets his mind to. If he really is determined to pursue law and get his revenge, then I think he can do it."

"But what about afterwards?" I insist. "When he's gone and had his revenge, and he has no reason to be in law anymore, will he still continue? Or will he lose that determination because he's gotten what he wants? That's what I'm afraid of."

"People can switch careers. Most people don't find their calling the first time. And, you know, people can change. Someone who likes their job one day might want to get out the next, but by the same token, maybe Sasuke will realize after a while that he likes working in law. You can't predict everything. You can't really predict anything."

"I… I guess. I just don't want him to waste years of schooling for something he might not want."

Neji smiles. "It's nice that you're concerned for him. If you talk it over with him again, make sure you're both aware of all the reasons and consequences. Only then can you make a complete decision."

I can't help smiling too, more out of humour than anything. "You're always so… _wise_, Neji. You talk like you're ninety."

"Are you calling me an old man?"

"You sure act like one sometimes!"

"Bet you an old man can't do this," he says, and flips me over. It happens so fast I don't even know what he's doing. It's only when I'm lying on the ground with the breath knocked out of me that I remember Neji's highly proficient in martial arts.

"Damn you," I wheeze, sitting up.

"I went easy on you," he says, offering me a hand. "At least it doesn't hurt to breathe."

It only serves to annoy me more when I realize he's right. "Didja have to do it in the middle of the street? People are staring," I mutter.

He glances around casually. "No big deal."

"Hmph." I flop down on a bench, hanging my arms over the back. Neji sits next to me.

"Random self-defence moves aside," I say, "are you going to continue your martial arts training?" I don't even know what the art is called. All I know is that Neji's entire family is proficient in it – Hinata included. I can't imagine meek, quiet Hinata taking down an aggressive mugger with a knife, but then Neji hardly seems the combatant type either (although between the two I would bet on Neji).

"I know it well enough to continue training on my own," he says. "Usually I train with Hinata's father – my uncle – but I can still do the exercises myself while I'm gone. There are no professional teachers in Konoha, but I'm sure in a city as big as Tokyo I'll find one somewhere if I need to."

"That's pretty impressive. I wish I could have trained at something. I never got the chance to." This makes me think of something. "What if I'm not good enough to get into a dance program in college? I never took lessons or anything. I always taught myself. What if I'm doing everything wrong?"

"If you were doing everything wrong, you wouldn't seem so good at dancing," Neji says reassuringly. "You've got to have something right. And anyway, isn't that what going to school is for? To learn what you don't know yet."

"Yeah, but I mean… like playing an instrument, for example. A guy might make amazing music on the violin, but if he's holding it wrong he could hurt himself."

"So take a dance course," suggests Neji. "You've got this summer and all next year. Better late then never, right? If you're unsure, look it up. Do some research on schools. Find out what you'll be learning and what they expect of you. That much is standard for all fields."

I take a deep breath, then sigh heavily. "Uni's gonna be so different."

He nods. "It will be. You'll be studying what you want to study, instead of a bunch of different things you might not be interested in."

"Yeah, and if everything goes as planned – if you could say we have a plan at all – I'll be moving to a whole different country where they speak a whole different language."

"Don't worry so much. Just take a calm approach. You have plenty of time."

"It doesn't feel like plenty of time," I sigh. "Especially when I think that I might be apart from Sasuke for years, if we do manage to get back together afterwards."

"You really think he's the one?"

"Yes," I reply instantly and with complete confidence. "Even if I found someone more perfect, it wouldn't be the same. Sasuke's the one who showed me love. No one else could ever come close."

"You don't know that for sure," Neji says frankly, but gently. "Life throws curve balls."

"Then I'll do my best to hit them all. God knows I've had enough practice already." With another sigh, I let my head fall back. I stare at the overcast sky. "Is it normal for a relationship to have this much drama?"

"Is it normal for a relationship to involve a Jinchuuriki and a boy orphaned by his brother?"

Neji's words surprise me. "How much do you know about the Uchihas' collapse?" I ask, lowering my voice for the sake of privacy.

"Most of it. Hyuuga and Uchiha are both old names, closely linked throughout their history. Uchiha is actually a branch of the Hyuuga line from centuries back."

"Huh." I give myself a moment to absorb this. "So… you know Sasuke's story?"

"I couldn't tell you Sasuke's side of it, but I heard the reports from my father at the time. The kidnappings, Akatsuki, Itachi's secrecy. No one knows how he does it. He goes about in broad daylight and he's still eluded the police force."

"That makes things a bit easier for me, then. Sasuke told me the story a while back. But he… well, you can imagine what something like that would do to a kid. He's blocked it out for the longest time, and now…" I shake my head. "I don't know what I can do for him."

"Just be there. He'll sort out what he can, and you can help with what he can't."

"Sometimes it feels like he doesn't want my help."

"He might not feel like he can ask you. You two have a high degree of openness of communication, so I'm sure you'll figure it out between the both of you. Talk to him."

"You make it sound so easy," I say wistfully.

"It doesn't have to be hard."

"Everything is hard." I slide a little farther down on the bench. "There's all this drama about his past, and we've got to worry about uni in the future, and then there's all the problems of the present too. Kyuubi's still around – not that he makes a big difference now, but I don't know whether something might happen again like last time. Sasuke's birthday is soon, and I have no clue what to get him – although that's small compared to the rest. And… I dunno, something feels strange."

Neji frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Don't get me wrong; beneath all the drama we're still really close," I assure him. "It's just… I almost feel like something's missing. Like there's more to this. I don't know."

"You're unsatisfied? That's hardly abnormal. A stable relationship is good, but it gets boring. Maybe you should try something new."

"Something new?"

"It doesn't have to be big. Well, it might be. A trip to a nearby city, or a walk on the beach. Or it could be within your neighbourhood or even your house. Just explore. It could be right in front of you."

I consider as images of the lake and the distant island flash in my mind. "Maybe. Yeah, I—"

My phone rings. Mind immediately springing to Sasuke, I wrench it out of my pocket and stare at the screen before realizing I don't know Sasuke's home phone number. The number is, incidentally, one I don't know or have in my contacts. I connect.

"Hello?"

"Naruto?" Sasuke's voice is calm, collected, the way I'm used to. "If you're not doing anything, you can… come back, if you like." The pause is not so typical, but hardly something to wonder at.

"Okay," I say, standing quickly. "Yeah. I'll be right there. See you soon." I hang up.

"Going home?" asks Neji, also standing.

I nod. "Thanks for everything, Neji." I smile. "You always know the answers, don't you?"

He smiles back. "Just doing what I can. Good luck with everything."

"Yeah. We should all hang out sometime." My nerves are going haywire with the anxiety of returning to Sasuke. " 'Kay, I'll catch you later. See ya."


	59. More

I'm so fucking nervous. I don't even know why. I'm jiggling my leg up and down all the way through the torturous subway ride. I walk briskly whenever I can. My nerves are on full sensitivity. I practically run the last fifty metres or so to Sasuke's house, sprinting down the walkway.

Then I touch the doorknob, and all the tension drains out of me and through the door.

Surprised at the sudden clarity, I stand there for a moment so I can recollect myself. Why should I be nervous? Sasuke's probably as calm as ever in there. He sounded perfectly normal over the phone. He's had the time to think things over, to rationalize and root things in logic. There's nothing to be worried about. Feeling better, I let myself in.

Sasuke is sitting on the counter between the hall and the kitchen, one leg up and the other hanging over the side, his back against the wall, reading a book. He looks up when I enter. He seems so relaxed. He smiles when he sees me.

"Naruto. Welcome home," he says.

"I… I'm back."

I busy myself by bending down to take off my shoes. I hear him slip softly to the floor, place the book on the counter, and walk over. When I straighten again, it's to find his face inches from mine.

Wordlessly he reaches for me. I'm motionless as his hand brushes my hair back, settling at the base of my neck, his thumb tracing my ear. I automatically close my eyes as he nears for a kiss. The moment is gentle, absorbing both of us into it, transporting us into a distant, private place and time. His lips are soft against mine, his touch warm and inviting, accepting. There's so much meaning to it all. I'm not sure why. All my emotions are in a muddle – and I'm not even the one with the problem here.

One way or another, we end up cuddling up together on the couch, Sasuke partly on top of me, our bodies a tangle of arms, hands and faces against skin. There's a strange sense of peace, not exactly contented but definitely satisfied. I watch the light of the sun from the window crawl at a snail's pace across the wall.

"I thought about it," says Sasuke. "I thought about a lot of things."

"Tell me," I say.

"I'm going to find Itachi."

"Okay."

He gets up abruptly, staring at me in surprise.

"It's the only way you'll be at peace with your past, isn't it?" I say quietly. "You have the determination to do it. I believe in you."

Sasuke hesitates for a moment as though he's about to argue, then lowers himself back down onto me.

"I need to be more than a lawyer," he says. "There's no doubt he's a criminal – he's already condemned. But he's in hiding. I have to find him. Finding him might mean finding all of Akatsuki."

"It could be dangerous."

He nods. "It almost certainly will be. I… was never really the type for saving the world or fighting crime or whatever. I'm not working for the greater good. I just want my revenge. Then I can sit back and do something I enjoy. If you do tours, I'll come with you and write."

"Tours?" I repeat, incredulous.

"Naturally. You're going to be a performer, right?" says Sasuke as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"I – but—"

"Hey, you're a big part of the equation too. There are two of us here," he says, poking my forehead. "Maybe I'll be the lawyer for your group. There are lots of jobs in the show business."

I'm not sure what to say. Suddenly the idea of being a star seems so close. I've always sort of had the aspiration, deep down inside, but it's a passing thing, the way everyone idly dreams of being a celebrity. I want to be known, yes. I want to be liked and admired for my skills. I guess I never connected that with fame.

"You know," says Sasuke, "in the end, I'm grateful for what happened. I'm still kind of angry with you for going through the house, but it cleared my soul of something I didn't know was blocked up. I guess sometimes all you really need is a bit of catharsis." He sighs softly and kisses my forehead. "Thanks for everything, Naru."

"Didn't I tell you not to call me that?" I say, though I'm smiling.

"When do I ever listen to you, uke-chan?"

"When it turns you on, teme."

He rolls his eyes. "Touché. Wanna go?"

"What, right now? Don't you think it'll ruin the mood? I like this peace we've got."

"We can have peace when we're too tired for anything else."

He gets up on his hands and feet, pressing his thigh between my legs. I hum in appreciation and give up trying to argue.

Our session feels unhurried, relaxed – well, as relaxed as you can be when trying to achieve orgasm, anyway. Sasuke takes us slow and steady. It's not quite the excitement I'm used to, but it has its own merits, allowing us to draw out the pleasure and spend more time together. Afterwards, as we catch our breaths, I check the clock to find we've been at it for nearly an hour, which is a lot longer than we've ever taken – for a single session in any case; the times when we stack multiple rounds might go a bit beyond this, but not much.

"D'you ever think we'll run out of new shit to do?" I ask somewhat jokingly as Sasuke traces idle lines across my chest.

"No, probably not," he replies. "We're not exactly getting creative yet. If we get bored of this, there are plenty of ways to make it more… _exciting_." His last word comes out more air than voice, and I shiver appreciatively.

"Who ever knew there was so much emotion to sex, though?" I mutter amusedly.

"There's a difference between making love and fucking."

Though I feel awkward at these words, Sasuke seems completely unruffled to be saying them. We do tend to euphemize a lot when we talk about anything remotely sexual – or, at least, I know I do. But at the same time, it's like we talk about our activities as though we're actually having sex, which technically we're not. I guess it just makes things easier, to talk like this – it's not like euphemizing it even more would make us (or maybe it's just me) feel less awkward. I think Sasuke once described our position as "somewhere between third base and a home run." We've done pretty much everything short of actual intercourse. And I'm comfortable with that.

"Naruto?" says Sasuke.

"Yeah?"

There's a moment that should have his voice in it, but all that fills it is silence.

"Nothing," he says finally.

I glance at him questioningly. There's an expression on his face that I don't know, almost troubled. "What?"

He shakes his head. "Never mind." He says it like it's not important. I wouldn't know otherwise, but I see a tiny spark of something in his eyes that tips me off.

"Sasuke, if you want to say something, don't be afraid," I say, slowly rubbing his back. "You don't need to hold back around me."

"No, it's fine. It was trivial." He snuggles in a little closer.

"Sasuke—"

He interrupts me with a careful thigh in the groin. My mind flares with desire and irritation.

"Stop – nnh – distracting me," I growl. "I'm serious. Tell me."

"Actions speak louder than words," he smirks, now thoroughly molesting me.

"What, you just wanted to tell me you're horny again?"

"Maybe you just want to tell me that _you're_ horny again."

"And whose fault is that?" I ask, annoyed (though the irritability is mostly for show).

"You just want me to blow you," he says, his voice molten pleasure as he presses his tongue into my mouth.

"Maybe _you_ just want to blow _me_," I retort when he parts from me.

"Maybe I do."

Without wasting a second he jerks my boxers down far enough to free my half-hard member. The slick heat I just experienced in my mouth now engulfs my length eagerly, so quickly all the air leaves my lungs in one go.

"Oh," I breathe, "fuck, Sasuke."

He chuckles around my cock. I can feel the vibrations of his voice.

"Why do you like this so much anyway? It's not like – shit – like… oh, I don't know, never mind, fuck, don't stop."

To my annoyance and disappointment, though, he does the opposite. Lips slick with saliva, he looks at me. "Why shouldn't it be enjoyable?"

"You expect me to know?"

"No – not until you try, anyway." He sits back, leaning against the arm of the couch, one leg over the side with the foot resting on the ground, the other upright with the knee bent. He slides his hand down his stomach and tugs on his own erection. "Wanna?"

I swallow hard and lick my suddenly dry lips. That pose, that look on his face… it makes me want him so bad. I want him in every way. I want more than this.

"I won't force you to," he says.

That reassurance is all I need: free of the pressure of having to do it just because he asked, somehow I feel more inclined to return the favour to him. So, ignoring the hot, unsatisfied ache in the pit of my stomach and in my groin, I get on all fours and hold his cock steady in front of me.

I stare at it for a moment. Sasuke exhales audibly.

"Uh," I say. "How do I… start?"

He shrugs. "However you want. You just put your mouth on it and… go on from there, I guess." He doesn't say it explicitly, but he doesn't sound embarrassed about euphemizing it either.

"O…kay." I stare again, give it a few pumps, steeling myself. Sasuke moans softly, encouraging me. Slowly, cautiously, I put out my tongue and lick the head.

"Nnh—" Sasuke lurches forward, his pulse going wild. His eyes are shut tight, his brow knitted, his lips drawn in a thin line. It almost looks like he's in pain.

"Are you okay?" I ask, confused.

"Better," he replies with a smile shaky with pleasure.

I give it another gentle lick. It sends a shudder all the way up his spine. I can taste his precome, bitter and salty, overwhelming in its taste and also in the emotions it evokes in me – here I am, about to suck off another guy. When did it turn into this? And yet I'm not disturbed or ashamed or anything. I'm not eager, either, but I do want to give Sasuke something.

So I circle my tongue around the head of his member, then draw it up the vein on the underside, feeling his pulse. It tastes no different from the rest of his skin, but somehow the heat and the fact that it's hard and stiff to the touch and just the knowledge of what it is makes this so much more. The way it makes him pant and moan, the way he shivers every time my tongue makes contact, the way he grabs my arm and tries to muffle his voice behind sealed lips but fails – it's not about the taste or the feel; it's not about the physical: it's the concept it entails and the emotions it invokes that make this act so incredibly arousing.

Encouraged, I descend and close my lips around the head of his cock, then press my tongue against it, trapping it in a small space in my mouth. Sasuke shouts out, his hand flying to grip my hair, his body falling back. I slowly move my head downwards, taking more of him into my mouth. I don't fancy the idea of choking, so I don't go too far, slicking up the base by using my hand to spread the saliva that's already there. Then I suck.

Sasuke's scream, a raw, drawn-out version of my name, hits me in the groin just as a hot jet strikes the back of my throat, taking me by surprise. It coats my mouth and tongue, assaulting my senses with its potent taste, its identical smell, its incredible heat and thick, creamy texture. I quickly swallow it, my tongue reflexively rubbing the end of his member again, and another spurt comes, a little weaker than the last. It takes some time for Sasuke's climax to end. Eventually I let him fall from my mouth and give him a couple of strokes, then crawl up to where he's desperately dragging air into his body. I straddle his hips, taking care not to put all my weight on him but making sure my own hot, heavy need rests against his stomach.

"Oh… fuck," he gasps.

"Glad you liked it," I grin.

He manages to laugh through his ragged breathing. "What about you?"

I hesitate, then shrug. "I dunno. No big deal, except that now I seriously need to come." As though in response to my words my arousal throbs painfully. I inhale sharply at the feeling, then grab it, trying to relieve myself a little.

"Hey," says Sasuke, having mostly regained his breath, "don't touch that."

I raise an eyebrow. "It's… mine, teme."

In response Sasuke sits up. I get off him so he can have more room. As soon as he's free he tackles me, pinning me on my back. He comes as close as possible while we're still able to see each other's eyes clearly.

"I'm gonna make this good," he breathes.

I just smirk. "Yeah?"

He licks his lips, then mine. "I want you screaming my name by the end of it."

"What, like you did? You want payback?"

"I regret nothing," he says lightly. "That, however, won't stop me from making sure you're literally _writhing_ in pleasure."

"The only thing I'm writhing in is impatience, teme," I say, wiggling my hips for emphasis. "Get on with it."

"Don't be hasty," he murmurs, descending to my jaw. "You'll see, it's better this way."

"If you try to draw this out I swear I'll go jack myself off in the bathroom without you."

He gives a low chuckle and nips my skin. "Then I guess I'll have to find the line between too fast and too slow, won't I?"

Sasuke suddenly grabs my cock and I cry out in surprise, my body spasming. He strokes me fast enough to provide a frenzy of friction, but slow enough for me to feel every movement individually. I can't think; all I can do is sense, and feel, and now I feel him kissing his way down my chest, and now I feel his tongue dragging along my skin, and now – oh, god – now his mouth is over the head of my erection, hot, slick, licking and sucking and – _fuck_ – biting. And even throughout all this his hand is still pumping, sliding along the shaft, while his mouth occupies the head.

"That's it," he says, "moan for me, Naruto. Say my name. Scream it."

"S-shit," I gasp, realizing I'd been swearing out loud. "Just 'cause you said that I'm not going to."

His eyes narrow and he closes his teeth warningly over the tip of my cock, making my head fly back. "I'm going to make you scream, Naruto," he purrs dangerously.

Even panting, I manage to put on my cockiest smirk. "Do your worst, baby."

Sasuke growls. "Famous last words, dobe."

He resumes sucking. I groan and moan, hiss and pant and growl, but I never once say his name – even though I want to, even though I get harder every time his name passes my lips, I can't say it, if only on principle.

He doesn't like this much. He takes me deeper, my cock grazing the roof of his mouth, and sucks harder. I grit my teeth and let out a string of curses: shit, oh, shit, fuck, haah, fucking bastard, don't fucking stop. And still he sucks. He goes deeper, deeper, until I feel the back of his throat burning my cock, and I hear him swallow and I feel his throat constrict around the head and I scream. I don't know what I'm screaming, I don't know what Sasuke's doing anymore. I just know I'm floating, soaring under Sasuke's sweet touch.

Sasuke's hazy image appears above me. It clears to show him smiling triumphantly.

"I win," he breathes.

"Can't say I hated losing," I say, unable to stop a smile. I want that face, that body, that everything. I want more.

"I'm hard again," he says.

I laugh.


	60. Destructive Help

"Sasuke! Hey, Sasuke!"

Sasuke doesn't respond, so I turn around. He's staring out at the lake, eyes focused on something that doesn't quite look like it's on our plane of reality.

"Saaaaasukeeeee-temeeeee," I call, then bite his ear. He flinches out of his stupor.

"What the hell?"

"Welcome back to Earth; how was your vacation?" I say sarcastically. "Can we go out on the lake, Sasuke?"

He glances at the sand between our toes. "Sure. Canoe, kayak, or paddleboat?"

I consider. "Canoe. Do we need life jackets?"

"If a crocodile snaps our boat in half, will you be able to swim the rest of the way back?"

"I thought only alligators swam," I retort.

"You're thinking turtles and tortoises. Do you want the life vest or not?"

"Bring 'em in the boat," I shrug.

We pick a canoe that isn't too big or small, then find paddles and life jackets in the little shack standing to the side. We bring the boat to the water's edge and climb in, Sasuke pushes us off, and then we're sailing (in a manner of speaking).

It takes me a minute to remember that we have to coordinate our strokes for efficient paddling. Sasuke sits in the back of the boat because he says something about it being the steering seat and that steering is a whole lot harder. I know next to nothing about canoeing other than that you have to stick your paddle in and pull, so I let him do the hard stuff and I just focus on paddling in time with him.

It's a beautiful thing, in a way, how easily we slice through the water. I can feel the power of every stroke, the way the paddles pull us forward, the boat gliding as though on air. The water is dead calm today, reflecting the perfectly cloudy sky, only disturbed by the prow of the canoe and our paddles sinking into the depths and sliding back out again, leaving little whirlpools swirling along the side of the boat. I figure out how to angle my paddle so that it fits effortlessly into the water like a knife in a sheath, how to pull it parallel to the boat and catch the most water against its surface to urge us forward, how to draw it out of the water again with barely a sound. I'll admit I don't do a lot of sports or physical activity (getting off with Sasuke is technically physical activity, but it doesn't count in this case), but there's something liberating about being on the water. It's so different, and it makes you feel so powerful, so in control.

"Where are we going, then?" I ask Sasuke once the shore is fairly far behind us.

Sasuke doesn't answer for a moment. Just as I'm wondering if he heard me at all, he says, "Let's go to the island."

Sasuke does a little turning and soon we're pointed towards the little island in the middle of the lake. It's small enough to walk around in five minutes. The shore closest to us is rocky, but I can see sand disappearing around one edge. The land goes from water level at the shore to a cliff a couple of metres high towards the back, which is obscured by trees and bush. Many of the trees are dead, but their height and prickly branches add an intriguing character to the place.

When we beach, we pull the canoe up the shore until it's not in danger of being carried away by the water, then Sasuke takes my hand and we start walking. We take our time, and I observe the scenery carefully, from the island to the water to the mainland, feeling at peace.

About halfway around, Sasuke stops. Confused and still connected by our hands, I follow suit.

"Can I tell you a secret?" says Sasuke. His voice is odd – the secret isn't something mysterious or embarrassing; it's something that makes him happy, that soothes his soul. My curiosity is instantly piqued.

"What?" I ask, my voice instinctively hushing.

"This is my haven." He nods to a spot under a still-living tree, a square metre of space that's obviously been used many times. "This is where I escape when the memories of the house come back to me. This is where I write best. This is my place of complete privacy, where not even ghosts can get me." He turns to me and takes my other hand as well, holding them both between us. "I want to share it with you."

My throat instantly constricts. It's obvious that Sasuke holds this place in reverence, considers it his own private sanctuary. It's not like other people can't come to this island whenever they like, but for Sasuke, whose house is full of unwanted memories, this is perfect. And, after all we've been through, after I just betrayed his trust and broke all his defences, he still trusts me enough to share it.

"…Thank you," I manage to whisper.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't have something to gain from it too," he admits. "I want you to be here with me. You're everything to me, Naruto. This is my sanctuary, and I want you here."

Sasuke sits with his back to the tree and motions for me to sit in front of him. I do so, settling between his legs, leaning back against him. I look up at him. His eyes reflect pure content, the most beautiful of smiles gracing his lips – a smile that says everything is right.

We don't endeavour to do anything productive there. We sit for what seems like hours, and it feels wonderful. Just to be here. It's like the area has gained its own aura, a little bubble of safety. It rings with Sasuke's presence, built up over time, accumulating his peaceful moments. I close my eyes and rest my head in the crook of his shoulder, and he smiles against my cheek and kisses me softly, and I nuzzle against him. This prompts him to move the kiss to my mouth, and I turn a little so I can gain better access to his lips, and before either of us knows it our hands and tongues and eyes roam everywhere, clothes are tossed into a pile, and heat and passion and an overflowing love envelop us, wrapping us in contentment.

It's perfect. The place is perfect, the mood is perfect, and yet something tarnishes the moment like a smear on its existence. I can feel it in the desperate touch of Sasuke's fingers, hear it in my voice and my breathing. It's not the same anymore.

No. It _is_ the same. That's the problem.

It's all the same.

—

Out of a lack of anything to do the next day, we decide to go for a walk around the lake. This time we don our swimming trunks under our clothes in case of another sudden desire to swim.

The lake would probably take a good two hours to walk around at a reasonable pace, but we've got all summer to burn (minus the two weeks or so that have passed), so we take our time, just relaxing and enjoying our freedom. There's something to be said for holding hands and strolling silently along the lakeside path.

As we climb a little incline, I notice that Sasuke is discreetly moving away from the edge. Soon I'm nearly walking on the grass.

"You know, for a path that could comfortably fit three people across, I seem to be bumping up against a lot of trees," I say pointedly.

"Sorry." He moves back to the edge side of the path, though he seems, pardon the pun, rather on edge about it.

I sigh, grab his shoulders, and switch places with him. "I thought you said it wasn't an actual phobia."

"Well, no, see, I'm not dissolving into panic," he reasons, sounding fairly casual. "I can control it, but that doesn't mean I like it."

"You need to do something about it."

He nods. "Yeah. I mean, it's not much of a deal if you're not, say, a rock climber or anything, but it can be irritating."

"Wouldn't want to lose the cold front, would we?" I say, chuckling. "Imagine what the fangirls would think if they knew their ice prince was afraid of heights. What else would he fear? Spiders? Maggots? Might he shriek at a snake underfoot?"

"I like snakes," he retorts.

"Oh?"

"Mhmm. They're pretty cool. Hawks eat them."

"Uh…"

"I like hawks too," he explains.

"…Okay." As simple as his words may be, it's strange to hear him say "I like" outright. "Anything else you like you haven't told me about? Any flowers? People seem to like having a favourite flower."

He ponders this. "Sunflowers. You remind me of a sunflower. Bright – turning towards the sun, always optimistic – covered in yellow—" He ruffles my hair. I swat his hand away, laughing.

"I dunno any black flowers. I don't suppose black attracts the bees and butterflies very well for pollinating."

"I'd rather not be pollinated, so I guess it works out pretty well. You, on the other hand—"

I never hear the rest of his sentence, because we've come to a clear spot on the cliff and I'm distracted by the view. The lake sparkles under the bright sun, water lapping at the island and the far coast. Trees rustle in the breeze; above, voluminously dreamy clouds drift as one, punctuating the bluest sky I've seen in weeks. As the wind rushes towards us, whipping my hair around and tugging at my clothes, I stretch my arms out wide to the lake and laugh to the world.

Sasuke's sat down next to the fire pit for his own personal safety. When I'm done with my little freedom bit, I join him, and we sit back to back, leaning against each other.

"Hey, Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

I tilt my head back until it hits his. "Ever jumped a cliff?"

He snorts. "Do I look dead to you?"

"It's water down there. Look, I can climb down that way and swim over to make sure there's no rocks or anything. It'll help you get over your fear of heights. It's thrilling."

"I don't see what's so much fun about making all your nerves stand on their tiptoes…"

"It's the adrenaline. Come on!" I hold out a hand to him. "We can go together."

He stares at my hand so intensely he could bore holes in it.

"Go check for rocks first."

Five minutes later, I'm dripping wet, standing on the edge with my toes wiggling in the air, holding Sasuke's hand (or rather, he's holding mine, and very tightly at that). I glance down at the water. It's really not that far down, but it's far enough to give me that thrill of heights. I can tell Sasuke's feeling the thrill as well, although he seems much less happy about it.

"We'll jump on three," I say. "One, two—"

"Wait!" Sasuke squirms and edges closer to me. "Fuck, I can't do this."

"Well I'm not letting go of your hand, and if I jump and you don't chances are you'll get dragged over, and you'll probably scrape up against the rock and fall in face-first, if you don't hit your head on something. Pleasant, isn't it? Great! Let's go."

"Hold on—"

"Stop being a wuss let's go onetwothree!"

I jump, and Sasuke, probably out of sheer terror, propels himself off the edge too. There's a brief moment of suspense, of flying, like the whole world's stopped – then my heart jumps into my throat and I let out a whoop, the wind clutching at my skin with cold fingers. I hear Sasuke's voice next to me, his shout far from exhilarated, and then the water surges towards us and we hit it with a splash and it swallows us up, surrounding us in thousands of tiny bubbles.

"Holy fuck" is the first thing that comes out of Sasuke's mouth. He wipes the hair and water out of his face and tries again. "Fucking shit. Oh my fucking god."

I try not to laugh at him. "Come on, the shore's right there."

Together we swim to the shore and clamber back onto the rocks. There Sasuke lies with his arms out, staring wide-eyed at the sky, chest heaving in great gasps.

"I cannot fucking believe you convinced me to do that," he finally says hoarsely.

"Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad, was it?"

He manages to tear his eyes away from the therapeutic fluffy clouds to give me his best glare, which nevertheless tells me he's not _actually_ dying and that even if it pisses him off I'm free to continue teasing him.

"Want another go?"

"Fuck no." He closes his eyes, takes another deep breath.

"Fine." I lie on my stomach next to him, then put a hand to his chest. His heart is beating so fast I'm surprised it hasn't burst out of him. I hug his arm and snuggle up close and wait for him to calm down.

I end up falling asleep. When I wake up we're mostly dry (save for the side of us that's against the rock) and Sasuke's also unconscious – maybe he overworked himself. He wakes up fairly quickly once I start moving, though.

"Feeling better?" I ask.

He wearily glances at me, then up to the sky. "Yeah."

"Did you enjoy it in the slightest?"

"No," he says, too soon.

"Okay." I just smile inwardly.

"You're an ass."

"But you're the teme." I kiss his cheek.

There's a very long pause.

"…Can we do it again?" he asks.

—

We jump nearly a dozen more times. At first it's all the same – Sasuke's death grip on my hand, my having to threaten him to get his feet off the ground, my cries of joy and his cries of distress, the splash, the swearing, the gasping. But Sasuke gets used to it, and even manages to laugh a little, although admittedly it sounds less like the laugh of someone who's enjoying himself and more like the laugh of someone whose sanity has just snapped in two. I can tell he's having fun, though. (No, I'm serious.)

We try some different things, like getting a running start (which seems to be less nerve-racking than standing on the edge staring down at our target), jumping backwards, and diving headfirst. By the end Sasuke's nerves are thoroughly shot. We shake off what water we can, walk back the way we came, and go home. Sasuke almost doesn't even bother to drag himself to the bedroom. I manage to pull back the covers before he collapses on the futon. Then he's out like a light.

I smile to myself. I probably don't feel half as guilty as I should for putting him through it, but he did have fun, and he's the one who wanted to get over his fear of heights, and he's also the one who asked to do it the second time (although not any of the other times, but he didn't say he didn't want to either).

It's a kind of minor thing, but I feel good about being able to help Sasuke be stronger. He's done that for me so often. I'm not very good at going about it in a safe, painless way, but I guess that's not the kind of person I am. I storm into things full speed. Maybe I should try to slow myself down. Bad things can happen if I get ahead of myself – I've already seen that. But good things can happen too.


	61. Dancer in the Street

I wake up one morning (I've already lost track of the days of the week, let alone days of the month) to an empty bed. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I sit up and take stock of my surroundings. No Sasuke. The room is impeccable as usual. Birds are chirping outside in the bright sunshine.

All of a sudden a loud whirring tears through the air. That would be the blender, then. Now fully awake, I roll out of bed and drag myself into the kitchen.

Last time I surprise-hugged Sasuke from behind in the kitchen, he cut his finger on a knife and nearly stabbed me in a rampage, so now I wait for him to turn around. He does so, holding out a large cup full of blended fruits and yogurt with granola on top and a spoon stuck inside.

"Morning, dobe," he smiles as I take the mix.

"Mornin'." We share a quick kiss, then sit at the table.

"Your phone has been buzzing for the past ten minutes," he says conversationally, gesturing towards my cellphone, which is plugged in and lying on the countertop.

"Oh." I go to retrieve it and check out the missed calls and text messages while I eat.

"Who is it?" he asks.

"Everyone. What do you think of going busking next week?"

"Busking?"

"Yeah. They're saying we should get together for a dance practice or two, then go busking like we said we should a while back." We haven't had time to get together to practice our dances for a couple of months since school started getting really busy, but now that summer's in full swing getting together again sounds like a great idea. I haven't seen anyone besides Neji since exams – we said we'd meet for a post-school party, but it hasn't happened yet. I mean, I'm not really complaining all that much; I'm grateful for the time I've gotten to adjust to living with Sasuke in a place that isn't our dorm room, to return to the intimacy we've only recently rediscovered.

"Okay," he says.

"Cool. What do you say tomorrow?"

He checks the calendar. (I have no clue why, because it shouldn't even matter since it's summer.) "Sure."

—

The best thing about dancing is that once your body knows something, it won't easily forget it. We meet at Kiba's house to practice, and we're greeted with barking and pawing and tail-wagging and licking from Akamaru, Kiba's little puppy – or at least, he was little last time I saw him. He used to be able to sit on Kiba's head; now he's too big to fit in a chair.

Sasuke regards Kiba coolly. I watch them nervously, hoping none of the others will notice. Thankfully, Sasuke and Kiba decide it's best not to talk to each other at all. Then Sui appears in the doorway and hugs Kiba from behind, kissing him on the cheek. Somehow this makes me feel more relaxed, and even Sasuke can see the contented way Kiba returns her affection.

I take over the group immediately, leaving no room for awkwardness. Kiba and Sasuke don't interact too closely in any of the routines, which is good, and Kiba seems to understand that leading along with me – or, indeed, doing anything that singles us out together – is treacherous territory. Sui's there to watch over us, too. She and Sasuke talk quietly as Kiba and I run quickly through our duo routines, trying not to get too close to each other in any even mildly intimate way.

Within two or three runs of our routines we're back up to our usual standard, and we spend most of the day fine-tuning timing and the finer details. After a long day of several hours of dancing (with a lunch break courtesy of Kiba's mom), we treat ourselves to dinner at the sushi restaurant and a comedy at the movie theatre. Sasuke keeps muttering dirty comments into my ear throughout the movie. At first it annoys me, but then he makes sure to lick and nip at my skin occasionally and the movie just gets funnier and before I know it we're keeping a running commentary going between ourselves, complete with playful teasing of each other's ears and necks and lips. Kiba, who's sitting next to me, tries to listen in at one point, but as soon as he realizes what we're saying (and doing) he quickly leans away again and practically avoids us for the rest of the movie, staying close to Sui instead. I just laugh it off.

Before parting ways we pick a date for our first street performance, deciding on Saturday, when the market is the most packed. As Sasuke and I head for the train station to get back home, I run everything through my head again. We've got enough group dances to last us half an hour or so and a few other routines that involve different teams. Kiba and I have a few that we've known for a while, and the one I taught Sasuke is good as well, although we didn't practice it today because I knew we could do that at home. Kiba's got a dance with Gaara and Sai too. We'll need Kiba's boom box and my iPod – I'll text him to make sure he doesn't forget. Oh, and a container for any money we happen to get, that would probably be useful too. And water. Lots of water, maybe towels, since it's getting pretty hot. We'll need to wear suitable clothes – not a uniform per se, but something for the mood. I know I've got tons of stuff, and so does Kiba, since that's kind of our style anyway, but we'll need to decide on costumes… I should have thought of that sooner… I'll figure it out tomorrow. As for the dances, choreography seems to be our main issue in terms of everyone being in the right place in relation to each other, so I lay out the formations in my head, watching each dancer move through the songs.

"Oi, dobe, this is our stop."

I blink and look up to see the train's doors opening. Hastily I follow Sasuke out into the dusk.

"What's got you thinking so much?" he asks, then jokes, "Looks like hard work."

"Shut up," I snap. "I was just going through it all to make sure we won't screw up or anything."

He smiles. "We'll be fine," he assures me. "You've taught everyone well. It's always the details that bring down something like this, but you catch all of them."

"Thanks, I guess." Still, I can't help running the list through my head over and over again for the rest of the night.

—

Saturday goes without a hitch. We meet in the market square at ten, set up, and talk it over one last time. Everyone's wearing suitable clothing, from baggy pants and muscle shirts like Kiba's and mine to form-hugging fabric like Sai's and Sasuke's. (I can't wait to jump Sasuke later tonight and rip those clothes off him and reveal that sexy body.) We have everything we need; we discussed the order of the songs over instant messaging. Our commotion is already gathering an interested crowd. Kiba sets up the boom box, then we get into formation and he uses his remote to start the music.

The first song is flashy, catching the attention of even more people. The bass thrums through us, not so loud as to be annoying to those who dislike that sort of thing (I'll never understand why) but distinct enough to make the song worth more than just bobbing your head to. Kiba and I made sure the actions would match the words and rhythms. Some guy cheers. A coin lands in our bucket, then another, then another. By the end of the first song we've already got a fair sum and a decent crowd. Some have sat down to watch. Others stand behind them or just slow down as they pass by, but I expected that.

When the song ends, everyone whoops and claps. We break formation for water and I wave to the crowd.

"Hey, everyone," I shout. "We're gonna be here for a while, so stick around!"

Several girls squeal, "Naruto-kun! Sasuke-kun!" and another screams, "I love you!" which triggers laughter among the crowd. I grin, then and turn to the others, ready for the second song.

This one's been modified by Kiba to flow from a group dance into a duet for the two of us. When the second song ends, the others freeze while Kiba and I do a sort of solo, then they back off as we go right into the third song. Our duet is a dialogue, portraying a sort of cooperative conflict between us. I wouldn't go so far as to call it acting, but we planned the moves to fit into each other.

Performing is great. The energy of the crowd is contagious, feeding me as I dance. It's almost like dancing at the Stoneheads, but now all the energy is directed towards us and we have control over the spectacle. Children and adults alike watch enthusiastically, and although some are moving to the beat, we're really the only ones dancing. It's exhilarating, impassioning. Before I know it, lunch has come and gone and we've packed up and we're saying our goodbyes and heading home.

"Look at it all!" I exclaim, pouring our earnings out onto a sheet on the dinner table, since Sasuke refused to let all that money touch the table we eat on ("Do you know how many hands those bills and coins have passed through, dobe?"). "This is amazing! Help me count it, Sasuke."

With the aid of a calculator and a pencil and paper, we do some bill- and coin-sorting and crunch some numbers. I stare at the total count in awe – several tens of thousands of yen in four hours' time. Sasuke pushes a few more buttons and figures out it's around two thousand yen an hour for each of the seven of us.

"But that's – that's, like, three times minimum wage!"

He nods. "Yeah."

I find myself laughing in disbelief. "Well, I think I've found my calling," I joke.

"I think you have," he says seriously.

I look up at him. He smiles.

"They were cheering for you, Naruto."

"Don't be ridiculous. I couldn't have made this much on my own."

"Maybe not, but that's because you would have been, as you said, on your own. Groups can achieve things individuals can't. As it is, you might have made more for yourself individually, if you could hold the same energy and enthusiasm for the same amount of time." He takes my hand. "Come on, we need to clean this up and then wash our hands. I won't have you touching me with that filth."

—

After the clean-up, I steal the plug to Sasuke's computer's speakers for my iPod and blast my dance music list, then grab Sasuke by the wrists and pull him into the rhythm.

"Haven't you had enough of dancing for one day?" he asks amusedly, although he dances anyway.

"It's different," I say. "Choreographed dancing and just moving to the music are two different things. Anyway, I like dancing with you," I add, stepping closer. He puts on that sexy smile of his and we move in tandem, hands everywhere. I sway my hips, stepping in between his feet as he steps between mine, and we dance as close as possible without touching just to see how well we can do it. The synchronization is so perfect we might have practiced it, and it's enthralling to feel the slim cushion of air between our bodies and under our hands, but soon the desire to touch takes over and the cushion slips from between us as we come together.

When we start to get hot, Sasuke pulls my shirt off and then his. The moisture from his breath condensates on my ear; I mouth the lyrics of the song against his neck. Not watching where I'm going, I trip over the cable and send my iPod crashing to the ground, where it flies off the plug and spins off to a corner. I tip backwards, Sasuke managing to break my fall a little before my weight pulls us both the rest of the way down. Dazed, I blink and prop myself up on my elbows, which brings me lips to lips with Sasuke.

He takes advantage of the situation easily, pressing into me as his hand tugs at my waistband. Chuckling to myself at Sasuke's straightforwardness, I lift my hips to allow him to remove the remainder of my clothing before doing the same for himself. Then he reaches around me, effectively changing his position so that his body is right up close to mine, and hangs his head over my shoulder as he mashes our bodies together.

I exhale all at once, white spots flashing in front of my eyes as my entire body is jolted with sensation. "Impatient, are we?"

"Mm… I want you so bad, Naruto." He drags his tongue over my jaw with a ravenous expression in his eyes. I tilt my head to allow him better access as he proceeds to devour my taste.

"I want you too, Sasuke," I breathe, my hand sweeping an arc up his back. The words are truer than he probably knows, truer than even I knew before I said them.

Sasuke sucks and kisses and nips and licks a trail of saliva down one side of my torso, quickly reaching my groin. My elbows are protesting from the exertion by now and I flop down on my back as his mouth swallows up my cock in one go. My eyes are suddenly useless as he administers a long lick up the shaft, then down again, up and down, slicking it. He lathers the head with a mix of reverence and impatience, then lets my cock go. I watch him spit into his hand and quickly cover his own member, then he crawls up, aligns our hips, and rolls his into me.

"Ohh—" I moan, my hips straining up to meet him as he draws back and pushes again, "mmn, oh, Sasuke…"

"I _want_ you," he growls into my ear, his voice a husky, feral rumble. "I want you to feel me, Naruto. Feel my skin on yours, feel my presence around you. Say my name."

"Sa—aah—Sasuke," I pant. "Sasuke, please, fuck, Sasuke, yes…"

"Shit," he murmurs, and grabs both our erections and pumps. "Come on, don't stop… I want to – nngh – come to the sound of your voice…"

"Then come," I breathe into his ear. "You're so close, Sasuke. So close… to me… your skin, your – mmn – your smell, your heat – I want you, give me everything, Sasuke, come for me—"

Sasuke climaxes, the look on his face so perfect and sexy that I just have to grab him and grind fervently into him until I orgasm too, moments behind. Then, panting and sweaty and sticky and exhausted and not as satisfied as we should be, we drift together into warmth and comfort, darkness and dreams.


	62. This Is It

A haze is surrounding me. It's heavy and oppressing, yet so addicting. It's a scent I know well, deep and musky, so thick I can almost taste it. I _can_ taste it: it's similar to the smell, something filling my mouth and jostling my tongue around and swishing about over my teeth and gums. My skin tingles in sweeping arcs, like bright splashes of paint in hues of passion that fade in shimmering heat before being relit anew. The pleasure is outside and in – it is one with me; I am a part of it and it's inside my veins and inside my body, physically, mentally, emotionally. Fiery black and soft pale and silky dark come together and envelop me, driving into me, reaching down my throat and tearing the air from my lungs and weaving screams and moans before wrenching those out too. There's pain, not a bad pain, but like too much pleasure. It's good. It's amazing. I need this, I need him, I need Sasuke around me, above me, inside me—

I jolt awake. I have to stare at the ceiling for a full minute to take full stock of everything. A dream: a wet dream. I'm on the futon, the covers having come off me in the still-dark night, the front of my boxers prominently tented. I can see the ceiling, the walls. Even the crickets are silent in this dead time of the night. The only sound is my panting and, when that fades, the sound of Sasuke's slow, unconscious breathing in my ear.

Sasuke's hand is lying limp in mine, which I realize now is gripping his tightly. I let it go, but stay touching. Touching – my imagination fires up again.

I want Sasuke. I want him so much that I can feel every part of me aching with the need. My brain, my heart, my cock. Everything hurts with an unquenchable desire.

Unquenchable? Not so much. I could have what I want. Doubtless Sasuke's been waiting for ages. He might have wanted to jump me since the very first day he saw me. Part of me says I should be weirded out by that, but the me in the now says I don't give a damn, because now I want him too. There's just one thing missing between us. It's right there.

Unbidden, memories of the betrayal rise in my mind and heart and body. I shudder. So much happened, so many things that hurt us both. But it was only really after the action that they happened, wasn't it? I wasn't as hurt as I thought I was. All he did was touch me, maybe press a little, but he didn't actually… well… penetrate. It set off a million sensitive nerves and I hadn't been expecting it and I imagined the worst. Sasuke's never forced himself on me before; I didn't know what to do.

Fuck, I was an idiot. Did I really have to flip out like that? Could I have saved us two weeks of torture? Save myself all those mistakes, all those kisses? Save Kiba the emotional turmoil he should never have had to face? Save Sasuke those two weeks he'd wasted when he could have been enjoying himself?

"Go to sleep, Naru," Sasuke murmurs in my ear.

"Sasuke?" I say quietly.

"Mmn?" he replies, clearly still half-asleep.

"…Never mind."

—

The gang invites us to the arcade the next day. I ask Sasuke.

"You go," he says.

"What?"

"You can go if you like. You know I'm not really one for arcade games."

"Aw, come on!" I say, tugging on his hand. "It's fun. Why wouldn't you enjoy it?"

He shrugs. "Go on. I need to buy groceries today anyway."

I stick out my tongue at him. "You're telling me you're going to pass up _video games_ for _groceries_?"

"Well, unless you want to starve, I've got to refill the fridge. Would you rather come with me?"

"Ugh, no."

"There you have it then." He grabs his keys, then hands me a separate one. "Here, I found a spare you can have, so you can let yourself in if you come back before me. Though I guess that's not very likely."

I frown at him. "Come on, Sasuke. Please?"

"We'll get sick of each other if we're together twenty-four-seven," he smiles. "Go on."

"You think I could ever get sick of you?" I retort. He laughs and kisses me. I feel myself smile against his mouth and kiss back. He lets out a hum of appreciation and I can't help rolling my hips and he doesn't even try to resist.

Nearly an hour later we're lying on the couch, panting, and I'm wishing orgasms weren't so messy and wondering silently to myself why they take more effort now and aren't satisfying as they used to be. It takes a long time for our breathing to quiet down, for our bodies to shed the now-uncomfortable excess heat of our exertion. When it's finally silent enough to hear the clock ticking, I also hear a violent buzzing from some other room.

"Oh, shit," I murmur, "I completely forgot about the arcade."

Somehow Sasuke finds this hilarious. He stares at me incredulously, then laughs, and his laughter is contagious, and the situation is just so ridiculous that it's several minutes before we can calm down.

"Well, are you going or not?" he asks, still smiling uncontrollably.

"If we can avoid jumping each other again before I can make it out the door," I reply.

"And if I jump you _after_ you make it out the door?"

"Then we're screwed," I laugh. "Get offa me."

Sasuke complies reluctantly. I text the others to let them know I'll be there before heading for the shower, but inevitably Sasuke ends up joining me, lengthening the amount of time we spend in there. I only manage to leave by getting out of the shower before Sasuke does, else I'd never get to the front hall.

I sit on the bus and watch the streets go by, my mind a flurry of thought. Sasuke probably doesn't know the depth of my words when I said I would never get sick of him. It's a given that we won't get sick of each other; I mean, it's little short of a miracle that's allowed us to avoid most major conflicts between us, so I wouldn't be surprised if that continued forever (in my optimistic opinion). Really, it's the opposite right now: instead of being sick of him, I want him, need him desperately. I can't stand to be away from him. Ever since those two weeks of chaos, I've stuck close to Sasuke, afraid of losing him again. We've talked more, touched more. We've run through every kind of interaction, from negative to neutral to friendly to romantic to sexual. Now that I think about it, I've argued with him less, agreed with him more, conceded to his points as if I fear that he might feel as though he's against me. Why should I worry about that? I know he won't leave me. Nothing's happened that's anywhere near the possibility that he might distance himself from me – it was the opposite that freaked me out in the first place.

I want him. We've shared everything, every emotion, every thought. Okay, maybe not _everything_. Most things. For all that Sasuke's given me, for all we've been through, he still remains closed – he doesn't talk about his own feelings unless they're related to me or something else. He doesn't tell me what he wants. But I know.

I collide with someone.

"Sorry," I say automatically; then, looking closer: "Kiba?"

"Nice to bump into ya," he laughs. "What's got you spaced out?"

"I…" Looking around, I realize I'd somehow gotten myself off the bus and down the various streets that brought me to the arcade. "I… wow. That's some serious skill."

"What? Did you sleepwalk here or something?"

"Pretty much," I reply, still blinking in wonder. "It's a miracle I didn't miss my stop."

Kiba rolls his eyes. "So what is it you were so concentrated on?"

"You really don't want to know."

"Yeah? Try me."

Without missing a beat, I say, "Tentacle rape."

The look on his face is priceless. I burst out laughing.

"Naruto!"

"No, really though, you don't want to know. It's about me and Sasuke, 'nuff said."

He immediately appears uncomfortable. "Oh. I guess… Okay. Yeah."

The following silence between us is awkward. I glance away, then back at him. I hold out my fist. He smiles gratefully and knocks his fist against mine.

"How's it going with Sui?" I ask.

Kiba brightens up. "It's great. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Is it… you know, helping?"

His expression turns softer, but he's still smiling. "Yeah, it is. I just… like I said, all those emotions and nowhere to put them. Sui's really nice. Our relationship is more casual than yours – I guess that's not saying much; you guys are inseparable – but it's still been great."

"Welcome to the not-single side of life," I grin. Kiba laughs.

The others arrive soon enough, and gaming turns into laser tag turns into karaoke turns into dinner. We do our usual huge sushi order together and it's gone in minutes. Then suddenly we're all figuring out the bill and thinking about how we're going to get home.

"We need to do this more often," Kiba says. "Friday or something?"

Friday – my heart skips a beat. "Friday's Sasuke's birthday."

Everyone bursts into chatter. "Really?" "You never told us!" "Wish him a happy birthday for us."

I nod. "What do you think I should get him?"

"Depends," says Gaara. "What does he like?"

"It doesn't have to be expensive," Neji puts in. "As long as it means something."

"Well, you have a few days to look around," says Sai. "I'm sure something will spark your interest."

—

I take to Sai's idea and head for the mall, but most of the stores are closed by now and the ones that aren't don't have anything interesting. Not knowing what else to do, I enter the convenience store, hoping something there will at the very least get me thinking.

"_Don't look now,"_ comes Kyuubi's low rumble, _"but it's the gangster kid behind you."_

I whip around. Yukio Akitaka is watching me, his arms crossed, pretending to look cool. I want to ignore him, but it's impossible the way his attention is completely focused on me.

"Hi," I say flatly, and return to my browsing.

"Havin' a good summer?" he asks, his tone strangely… not hostile. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's friendly, but at least it doesn't sound like he's mocking me – in fact, the tone is so unusual for me to hear from him that I do a double take, staring to make sure it really is Yukio.

"What?" he says, as though he's offended.

"I didn't realize you had any nice in you," I say casually.

He rolls his eyes. "Great. Thanks. I make an effort and you don't even give a shit."

"Sorry." I turn to face him properly. "What's the occasion?"

"No occasion," he says, "just we both happen to be here at the same time. What're you here for?"

Kyuubi growls. _"Humans make no sense."_

I've gotten so used to talking with him that I almost forget myself and reply aloud. I manage to turn my open mouth into words directed at Yukio. "I asked first," I say. "Why are you suddenly being nice to me? It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I want to know why you had a change of heart."

Yukio is silent for a moment, then says, "Dunno. Guess I just—"

"Don't have to look tough in front of your posse at the moment?" I fill in for him, even though I can see that his eyes are hiding an answer different from the one he was about to make up.

He opens his mouth to retort, then just shrugs. "Whatever. You can believe that if you want."

"You don't have to pretend in front of anyone."

"Who says I'm pretending?"

"Well you're acting differently now than you used to around me, so something must be up."

"Nothing's 'up,' " he says, starting to sound angry. " 'S'it so hard t'believe I just wanna be chill for once?"

"Honestly? Yeah, kinda. Last I saw you, you were scared shitless of me."

He scowls, looking away. "Still am," he mutters.

"I'm impressed you're able to admit that."

"Y'think you're smarter than me?" he challenges me automatically.

I'm not intimidated, and I'm not inclined to try to show him up. I ignore him and instead resume my search for a present idea, making sure to adjust my body language to let Yukio know I'm not ignoring him. He takes the cue, following me.

"So," he says, acknowledging that the conversation's moved on, "you never said. Why're you here?"

"It's Sasuke's birthday soon. I dunno what to get him."

Yukio almost cringes at the mention of Sasuke. He doesn't, but I can sense it, through Kyuubi. "You're still with that – with Uchiha?" he says, narrowly avoiding insulting him.

"_No, seriously!"_ Kyuubi exclaims. _"Why the hell is he talking to you now? If it were just for fear of your wrath, wouldn't he just avoid you instead of trying to make nice?"_

Although I can't openly acknowledge Kyuubi's words, I certainly know where he's coming from. I don't have any more of a clue of what Yukio's intentions are than Kyuubi does.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I say.

"Didn't you start dating in October or something?"

"Mhmm."

Yukio frowns, not understanding. "And you haven't broken up with him yet?"

"No, why would I? Sure, we've had our disagreements, but we figure it out."

"Huh." He shrugs. "Longest I've ever been with a chick is two, three months."

Two emotions strike my heart at this. One is a sort of disdain – doesn't he know anything about loyalty? – and the other is pity. "Any particular reason?"

"Dunno."

"Y'know," I say, "I would have expected you to make some jab about how since I'm gay it'd be harder for me to find anyone else, or some shit like that."

He lets out a bark of laughter. "I was thinkin' it."

I stop, surprised, then smile at him. He looks almost bewildered by this.

"Thanks for not saying it," I say. "I'm glad you made the effort, I really am."

"You really are girly, y'know that? No offense."

"If that's what you want to call it."

" 'S'long as you're aware."

"I was the one who mentioned the sentimental thing after all."

"Don't you have any masculine pride?"

"Masculine?" I let out a bark of laughter. "I gave up my masculinity a long time ago. I think it's bullshit. Violence and brute force don't solve problems in our society."

Yukio looks at me like I'm insane, almost disgusting. "And to think I wanted t'hang out with you."

This throws me completely. "What?"

I could almost swear his cheeks turn a touch darker as he glances away. "Think of it as a… peace offering or somethin'. If y're not busy anytime soon…"

I consider. Do I want to hang out with the likes of Yukio? As far as I can tell he's little short of homophobic, but he's still trying to make an effort to talk to me, and even be my friend. At least he's holding back on the insults – that more than anything tells me he means it.

"What d'you wanna do, then?"

"Dunno. What d'you do for fun?" he asks, seemingly comforted by the lack of rejection.

"We could go laser tagging," I offer. "Or paintball, haven't done that in a while."

"Paintball hurts like a bitch," he grins. "Monday good? There'll be less people."

I nod. "Yeah. Your team versus my team, seven on seven."

"Deal. I'll book the place." He seems relieved at how well this is going. He pulls out his cellphone. "Mind if I get your number? Y'know, in case shit happens."

"Shit happens all the time," I agree. We exchange numbers.

"So…" he says after a slightly awkward pause. "What're you looking for exactly? Anything in particular?" He glances at the shelves.

"Not a clue. I'm hoping I can find some ideas if I look around—"

Yukio suddenly cries out, flinching back. I whip around.

"What?"

"Fuck," he swears, pressing a hand against his face and turning away. "Oh fuck, bad images, bad images!"

"_He's insane,"_ Kyuubi mutters. _"Unless… oh…!"_ Suddenly he bursts into laughter. _"By my nine tails, that's funny!"_

"What?" I say more insistently, to both Yukio and Kyuubi.

Yukio just shakes his head. "I – uh – I gotta go. Ugh… shit, I need brain bleach…" And, holding his stomach as though about to be sick, he leaves.

"What the hell?"

"_Look on the top shelf, brat,"_ Kyuubi says, still trying to stifle his laughter.

"…Pregnancy tests?"

If Kyuubi could hit himself on the forehead, he would. _"Idiot!"_

I trail my gaze along the shelf. Pregnancy tests… lubricants… contraceptives…

The light flicks on in my head.

This is it.


	63. Takeshi and Takeshi

The next four days are some of the hardest of my life.

I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't the worst waiting I've ever done, that Sasuke's absence during the school trip was bad in every way and this is just bad because I'm so goddamn impatient. As far as I can tell, Sasuke suspects nothing: I was wearing my baggy cargo pants the day I got his present, and while he was in the shower I transferred it from my pocket to a locked compartment in my luggage case, which I never use anymore. Sure, I'm more horny than usual because I can't stop thinking about it, but Sasuke's just taking that as an opportunity to jump me more often. At least in that sense he's almost amusingly predictable. It takes me a lot of mental planning before I can safely breach the subject of his birthday on Thursday afternoon.

"So," I say cheerily as his fingers trail up my arm, "what'd'you wanna do tomorrow? Anything special?"

He shrugs. "It doesn't matter, as long as you're around."

"Aw, come on! We need to do something fun. Anything you want. Something different. You're turning 17; you'll be older than me!"

"I've always been older than you, usuratonkachi," he laughs.

"I meant in numbers. Teme, it's your first birthday with me. Make it good."

"Hm." Sasuke kisses the side of my neck, hands roaming. "How about lunch at the beach?"

"Okay." I drag his head up so that I can kiss his mouth.

He smiles and pulls me down on the futon before attacking my pulse, quickly blazing downwards. "I don't suppose you have a present for me?"

The words send a buzz through my system. I pretend my blush is from the effects of his ministrations and not of my wild daydreaming. "Of course," I breathe, sliding my fingers into his boxers. "But I can't tell you, 'cause that would ruin the – nnh – surprise."

Sasuke's lips stretch into a smirk at my hip. "If you say so, dobe."

—

We get up late the next morning, like we've been doing all summer. I'm drawn out of unconsciousness by Sasuke snuggling into me; when I open my eyes it's to find him watching me with a smile on his lips.

"Happy birthday, Sasuke," I say, smiling back and kissing him.

"Mm." He buries his face in my neck and breathes in deeply before sighing in contentment. I throw an arm around him. We stay like this for a while, wanting nothing more than to be together. Today's going to be relaxed and laid back. I'm going to make it special for Sasuke. This is his day.

We spend some time in the kitchen making sushi for our lunch on the beach. I've come to love the kitchen; cooking is a great activity in terms of being with Sasuke as well as the rewards reaped from the efforts. Granted, I'm not very good at rolling sushi, so I put the rice and fillings on the seaweed and he makes the rolls. We pack our meal in a Tupperware container and grab some drinks and snacks before throwing everything into a large bag. Then we put on our swimming trunks and pull on shirts; grab towels, sunscreen, flip flops, and other effects; and make for the beach.

Konoha isn't exactly near the sea, but Japan's an island, for goodness' sake. An hour or so's bus ride later, we arrive on a sun-baked stretch of sand that's full of people. We find a not-too-crowded spot to lay down our towels, strip to our swimming trunks, and bring out our lunch.

It's a pretty impressive feat that we don't get any sand in our food. We relax in the sun, watching the swimmers and Frisbee-players and volleyballers. When the group at the volleyball net leaves and a couple of guys take over it, I tug on Sasuke's arm and we go join them.

Neither Sasuke nor I are very good at volleyball, but the occasional point we do get is all the sweeter that way. After one particularly nice spike, Sasuke gives me a high five, grabbing my hand in the process, then discreetly brushes his thumb against the middle of my palm, setting my arm tingling. One of the guys on the other side mutters something to his friend, who smiles.

"Hey," calls the first one, a tallish guy with hair that I could only describe as fluffy, black-brown with stunning blonde highlights. Despite its light tint, his eyes, dark and narrow, give away his clearly Asian inheritance (whereas I for example am probably at least half-Caucasian, if not all, with my blue-eyes-blonde-hair appearance – but I don't know for sure), and if I was gay for anyone but Sasuke I might have jumped him right here and now. He's got looks to rival Sasuke's, and Sasuke's got the added benefit of being able to turn me on just 'cause of who he is.

"Wanna switch up the teams?" the boy asks.

I glance to Sasuke, who shrugs leniently. "Sure," I call back. I duck under the net to switch places with the other guy, whose hair, dyed as white as it can go, is in a style similar to his friend's, although shorter. Somehow it's amusing to see him, tanned dark, standing next to pale Sasuke with his jet-black hair.

"What's your name?" asks my teammate, purposely tousling up his hair and making it even fluffier than it already was. I blink and try not to make an idiot of myself, especially in front of Sasuke. Somehow I expect that wouldn't turn out well.

"Naruto," I say. "You?"

"Takeshi, and that's Shiroi," he replies, gesturing to his friend. I follow his hand with my gaze to see Shiroi chatting amicably with Sasuke.

"That's funny," I say – "shiroi" means white. "Which came first, the hair or the name?"

"They came together," Shiroi says. "It was a complete identity makeover."

Takeshi grins, then leans in and says quietly, as though sharing an important secret (although both Shiroi and Sasuke can hear), "His real name is actually also Takeshi, but no one calls him that anymore 'cause we're together all the time – unless they're referring to both of us together, at which point they call us 'Takeshi and Takeshi.' I guess they think it's funny." He shrugs. "Works for us."

Playing on Takeshi's team is different from when I play with Sasuke. Somehow Sasuke and I work well together without having to communicate. Maybe it's because I know his body language, his subtle facial expressions. Maybe it's because I've been around him so long that Kyuubi's extra senses are acutely attuned to him. But we can always rely on each other, trust each other to know what the other is doing. I don't know Takeshi much at all. Sure, I've done some subconscious analyzing as I played against him, but I don't know how to play _with_ him. Still, it's a fun challenge, and Sasuke and Shiroi are in the same boat anyway.

High-fives after scoring a point become the standard gesture, and through it I notice that Takeshi's got a strange grip: he grabs my hand after we high-five, his hold so tight it's almost painful, but his touch is soft when he lets go. One time he accidentally brushes down my arm as he drops his hand, and another the pad of his thumb sweeps across my palm. I pull my hand back almost abruptly, looking closer at Takeshi – I could swear that was on purpose. But he doesn't seem to notice.

Eventually we get more and more engrossed in the game, enthusiasm leaking from everyone, even Sasuke, in his own way. "Takeshi and Takeshi" nag him about being so stoic about everything, but I just smile to myself – I can tell he's enjoying it. He can never pass up a chance to beat me at anything. The ball bounces off down the beach, so while Takeshi goes to get it back I decide that goading Sasuke might be fun.

"Hey, teme," I shout, "you call that enthusiasm?"

He raises an eyebrow at me, clearly not impressed. "Hn. Jumping and shouting only wastes your energy, dobe."

"Waste energy? I hardly know the meaning of the phrase! You're just too stuck-up to swallow your damn pride and play hard. Who knows, you might even beat us if you tried." I shrug. "Dunno how likely that is, though."

"I play plenty hard," he retorts with a smirk. "You would know."

I'm glad the exercise has my face flushed or else my embarrassment would be a lot more evident. Takeshi returns with the ball right then, so I'm spared trying to think of a comeback. My taunting must have worked, though, because Sasuke's efforts to win redouble. In return I crank up the heat too, and soon Takeshi and Takeshi are so tired they flop off the court, panting and sweating. But Sasuke and I forge on, finding that two-player volleyball is actually a lot harder, but determined not to lose. As most endurance battles go, though, I manage to hold out just long enough for Sasuke to finally collapse, exhausted, in the sand.

"Had enough?" I ask casually, spinning the ball briefly on a finger, then stopping it before it can fall. (I never did master that trick.)

"Fuck you," he breathes.

"Just so y'know, I'm two points up."

"Fuck. You."

"_All in good time, Uchiha,"_ growls Kyuubi in amusement, although he knows no one can hear him but me. I swear I'm blushing all the same.

Shiroi, having caught his breath by now, walks over and looks critically at Sasuke sprawled out on the ground. "Don't feel bad, Sasuke," he says. "It's already amazing enough that either of you lasted that long."

"I'm a master of endurance," I grin, "and Sasuke's just too stubborn to give up. We're used to this pattern."

"Except that I usually beat you," Sasuke mutters.

"Yeah, just keep on believin' that."

He kicks sand at me. I kick harder, getting sand up his swimming trunks. He curses and scrambles to his feet, ducking under the net to get at me, but I just drop the ball and run away. Neither of us has the energy to run for very long anymore, however. I nearly trip over my own feet and slow down to avoid doing so, at which point Sasuke collides into me and we both topple to the ground.

"You're heavy," I complain, "and too hot."

He smirks. "I'm always hot, dobe."

"It's the middle of summer on the beach. Get off."

"Get me off," he replies, kissing the side of my neck.

"Save it for the bedroom, bastard," I say, throwing him off my back without too much difficulty. I stand up before he can make any more inappropriate advances; then, because I'm not really as angry as I want to be, I help him up too. Thankfully he doesn't do anything weird.

"That's a nice piece of ass you've got there, Sasuke," says Takeshi's amused voice behind me, and he slaps my ass and squeezes. I jump nearly a foot in the air; Sasuke bristles visibly. Takeshi and Takeshi both burst out laughing, turning our discomfort into something between confusion and irritation.

"Sorry," Takeshi grins, "couldn't resist. But we figured you guys were together, seeing the way you touched."

Touched? I glance at Sasuke, who seems to have recollected himself. He shrugs in reply. Neither of us realized there was a subconscious message behind how we interacted. I mean, sure, we probably make physical contact more sentimentally in public than guys usually do, but I don't know about it being readable.

"Don't read too much into it," says Shiroi. "It's just, well…" He takes Takeshi's hand and gestures with their interlaced fingers. "It's like this."

I look from him to Takeshi, who's smiling. I know that expression – it's the happiness you get from being around the person you like.

"You too?" I ask.

Takeshi nods. "We can read you because we recognize the signs from experience. But, y'know, I think we're better at hiding it than you are."

"Probably. I never saw a reason to." I never would have guessed they were together either.

"Our school is… kinda homophobic," says Shiroi. "We've got to lay low." As if in direct relation to this statement, he lets go of Takeshi's hand. Neither of them looks too disappointed, but somehow I can tell the truth is different.

"Anyway," says Takeshi loudly, and turns around. "Aw, damn, the volleyball net's been invaded. Wanna swim?"

—

"I wasn't kidding, though," Takeshi says, floating around on his back. "Sasuke, you've got a damn fine catch there. If we weren't already all taken I'd ask you out, Naruto."

I laugh. "I appreciate the sentiment, but Sasuke's a possessive bitch, so be careful."

"Hey. If anything, you're the bitch in this relationship." Sasuke climbs onto my back. I grab his legs and he secures his arms around me.

"Don't call me a bitch, teme."

"I'll call anyone who calls me a bitch the same," he says, pressing his cheek against mine.

I roll my eyes.

"That's a lot of bitching," says Shiroi, chuckling. "It's interesting to watch you guys interact. You don't care who sees. Not as much as us, anyway."

The PA system on the beach shouts out an echoey message I can barely understand: "The beach will be closing in fifteen minutes. Please throw out your garbage before leaving. Thank you."

"Already?" I glance at the huge clock on the wall of the main building. It's a quarter to six. "That was fast." I let go of Sasuke and we all wade back to shore and head for the showers to rinse off before changing, gathering our stuff, and heading to the bus stop.

"Well, it was nice meeting you guys," Takeshi says cheerily. "We should meet up again sometime."

"Sure," says Sasuke, surprising me. "How about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow's good. Dinner and a movie?" he suggests. "We'll make it a double date."

So we exchange cell numbers. Turns out Takeshi and Takeshi live not too far from Konoha, so we arrange to meet at the mall and theatre I frequent the most often. We spend most of the bus ride together, just chatting and laughing. Then we all get off to transfer to the subway station and go our separate ways.

"You seem to like them," I comment as Sasuke laces his fingers through mine.

"You say it like I don't like anybody," he replies sarcastically, then continues more seriously, "Something about them interests me. It's not like I'm antisocial or anything, you know."

"Uh huh. Right." I grin, and he punches my shoulder lightly.

"It's nice that we can both relate to them," he goes on. "We can connect with them in a way we can't with anyone else. I never really did think about how it might be for other couples."

"I met some first years a while back who said they'd taken courage from us. They seemed really cute and innocent, though, and they called me sempai…"

"Was it a rare opportunity for you to feel smart?" Sasuke asks, smirking.

"Shut up, teme."

We make dinner together; cooking is half the fun. Sasuke finds an age-old bottle of wine somewhere in his basement and, just because we can, we pour ourselves each a glass. It turns out neither of us likes wine much, so getting drunk isn't a risk – which is good, because I would prefer to be sober for my plans later. After eating we leave the dishes in the sink (who wants to wash dishes on their birthday?) and snuggle up to a movie on TV.

As it turns out, the movie is a romance with plenty of sexual innuendos as well as the typical carefully-shot sex scenes that show the action but don't actually reveal anything indecent. At one point the back of Sasuke's hand brushes against my thigh, and I glance at him, and he smirks at me. His hand turns and rests palm-down on my leg, warm, comforting but also teasing. He slowly drags it up my leg.

"Are you uncomfortable yet?" he jokes.

I smile, remembering a time when the answer would have soon been yes.

"No," I reply.

His hand goes higher. "Are you uncomfortable yet?"

"No."

Higher. "Are you—"

I stand up. Confused, he sits up straight, as though unsure of whether to follow suit or stay seated. When I look meaningfully into his eyes, however, he stands.

"Come with me," I say. I carefully guard my tone, making sure it's not too serious nor too telling. Sasuke pauses a moment to turn off the TV, then follows wordlessly as I lead us to the bedroom.


	64. All Yours

I can sense Sasuke's anticipation all the way down the hall. Silenced by my unusual behaviour as well as my own silence, he says nothing, but he radiates curiosity and the possibility of fear.

Thinking about it, I could probably have been more subtle, waiting until we got into bed of our own accord, but that movie both put me in the mood and set me on edge. For the same reason I want to be sober when I do this, I also don't want either of us to be clouded by hormones. I want this to be a clear, fully-controlled decision.

Besides that, I'm extremely nervous. Part of me wants to put it off, but I know that the longer I put it off the more I'll convince myself that Sasuke will initiate it. And I know he won't, because we've silently – unconsciously – agreed that this be solely my decision. But another part of me wants this, has been wanting this for too long, even without my knowing; and a third part has already come to terms with my decision to do this today.

When we go inside, I close the door. It gives me a sense of security, privacy, even in this house that's empty but for us. Then I tell Sasuke to wait where he is while I go into my luggage for the present. When I have it in my hands, I turn around, making sure to keep it hidden, and return to him with it behind my back.

"I—" I begin, then falter, because my voice is shaky and small. I glance away, clear my throat. I look at him; my eyes flick away once more, but I pull them back, then smile in a pre-emptive apology. "I couldn't think of anything funny to write or draw in a card, and I didn't want to just buy one… So, sorry, I don't have a card. But happy birthday."

Sasuke smiles a little, though he still looks confused. He says nothing, so I go on.

"This is… God, I feel like I'm making a speech or something." I laugh nervously, take a deep breath, try to relieve the tension in my body. Why is it so hard to talk all of a sudden? I'm comfortable with Sasuke. I've become so accustomed to him, his presence, his being. So why is this so hard?

I close my eyes, count to ten, and open them again. Sasuke's gaze is solid and reassuring despite the anticipation written across his features. It calms me, and I find the courage to speak again.

"It took me a long time to decide what to get you, but this is the biggest thing I could think of."

I hold out my present. Sasuke blinks, even more confused, and takes it. I can't stand it anymore – I lower my head and stuff my hands in my pockets, face reddening, as he reads the label on the tube.

"…Lubricant?"

I stare at the floor between us, my cheeks ablaze. Even the tips of my ears are burning furiously.

A wrapper crinkles under Sasuke's fingers and he looks at the cap of the tube. Taped to it is the flat, square package of a condom.

His dawning realization is so clear on his face and in his eyes and in the feelings I can sense from him that I can't tell whether my heart is swelling with his emotions or mine. Maybe both.

"N-Naruto…" He stares at me. I force myself to meet his eyes. I know the question that's burning in his throat.

"I'm sure about this," I say, my voice quiet but firm. "I… I know you've been holding back for my sake. I really appreciate it, I love you so much, Sasuke. I've thought about this for a long time. I've been planning for days. This is my choice. I've decided. It's today, Sasuke."

He has more questions. I let him voice them, so he can feel like he tried.

"But – Naruto, are you – Just because it's my birthday, it – You shouldn't—" He stops, not knowing how else to put it. Because his concern is what's given me strength, his hesitation is my confidence: though my heart is pounding, I'm calm, I'm sure of myself, I trust him; and he can see it in my eyes.

"It's not because it's your birthday," I say. "I would have asked four days ago if there hadn't been any particular reason to wait. But I thought, I can hold out a few more days. To make this special."

He stares, speechless, disbelieving. I step closer. All my anxiety has vanished.

"I want you, Sasuke. I've felt it. What we're doing, what we've got, it isn't enough anymore. It's taken me a while to figure out, but now I know. I'm ready." I take his hand in mine and hold it tight.

The physical contact breaks his stupor. In that instant, as soon as we touch, he knows. Whether by our acute knowledge of each other's body language or by some extraordinary sense, we understand each other fully. Sasuke's eyes fill with wonder and emotion and I lean forward to kiss him and though neither of us says a word, my tongue traces _I'm all yours_ against his mouth, and he paints _Thank you_ on my skin.


	65. All We Are

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes," I say, squirming impatiently under him. "Sasuke…"

He swallows hard, his eyes darting between mine as though unable to settle. It doesn't even occur to him to stare at my flushed, naked body; and his hips, so close that his erection is suspended inches from mine, don't so much as twitch closer. It must be nearly an hour since I made it clear I'm ready for this, and the idea has strengthened as we slowly, sensuously worked our way up to this point. And still he worries.

"I don't want to hurt you," he says.

"I know." I put my hands on his back, making him aware of the heat that's filling my entire body right to the ends. "That's why I'm sure."

Hesitantly he lowers his head until his forehead is against mine. My eyes flicker to his lips.

"I trust you," I tell him. "I have complete faith in you. You're more concerned about my welfare than about getting what you want, which is why I know I can give it to you."

Watching through my peripheral vision, I reach for the lube and press it into his hand.

"Go on," I whisper.

I see his resolve form in his eyes. Slowly he sits back on my legs, and I prop myself up to watch. He pulls the condom off the cap and sets it aside for later, then flips open the tube. His hands have a fine tremor to them as he squeezes some of the substance onto his fingers, then rubs them together, coating them. He sets the tube aside, looks into my eyes, swallows when I nod reassuringly. His gaze snaps to my groin.

What I can't tell him is that I'm scared too. I'm more scared than he is – I've had less time than him to think about this moment, and somehow, without speaking, without ever openly acknowledging it, it's come to be that I'm on the bottom. It's weird – out of the two of us I'm probably the one who considered myself more guyish than Sasuke, but I never even considered what it would be like if I were on top. Granted, I don't know what's so good about getting it up the ass either.

Yeah, I'm scared. My heart is hammering, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's noticed over his own frantic pulse. Maybe I'm not scared so much as nervous. This is completely different from anything we've ever known. I trust him, and I'm more than ready for this. But I'm still nervous.

Sasuke gets off my legs to sit between them. I watch as he carefully lowers his hand, index finger outstretched. I feel my skin tingle even before he touches me – and then a small jolt of sensation hits me. I breathe in sharply; Sasuke snatches his hand back.

"Don't," I say. "I was just… taken by surprise. Go on, Sasuke… touch me."

This time, I expect the feeling. His finger, warm, slicked with lube, makes contact with my skin, which tingles sensitively.

"There are a lot of nerves in this area," he says quietly.

"How do you know?"

"I know a lot of things," he says, but it doesn't sound like a joke. It sounds like he's implying he knows a lot about gay sex. How or why is beyond me, but I'm glad that at least one of us has prior knowledge. This is a blank sheet to me. I barely know about straight sex.

He slowly moves his finger, rubbing against my skin. My eyes close involuntarily as a strange pleasure floats into my body. I feel my muscles move under his touch.

"Does it feel good?" he asks.

I manage to breathe out, "Yeah."

"I'm going to try to get a finger in," Sasuke says. "Relax."

I lie back and will myself to relax, to surrender. His finger applies the slightest pressure, still rubbing, then slowly increases it, pushing against the ring of muscles.

"Mm…" I sigh.

"Good. Don't tense up now, stay relaxed. You're doing well."

I have the sudden, overwhelming desire to hold him. "Kiss me," I command. He looks up and, without removing his finger, shifts his body so that he can press his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around him. I can feel his finger inside me – oh, god – probing walls, exploring, slowly delving deeper.

"Sasuke," I breathe.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm great," I smile. "I just want to feel. I want to feel you."

He nods. "I'm putting another finger in," he says, quietly but almost matter-of-factly, like clinging to facts is his way of calming himself.

I'm glad Sasuke doesn't need to see what he's doing anymore – I feel much more comfortable with his body close to mine, his warmth radiating into me. The second finger goes just as slowly as the first, if not slower, and it's with it that the pain begins. My muscles contract instinctively, sending a burst of strange discomfort through me – strange because that new pleasure is still there with the pain, sending mixed signals, confusing me.

"Shh… relax, Naruto. Relax."

I give a small nod, take a deep breath, and let my body go. The pain recedes. His fingers begin to move, running over the sensitive nerves, probing my inner walls. I keep control of my body as he moves, and it doesn't hurt when he brings his fingers apart a little and moves them, stretching me.

"That's it," he murmurs, his lips against my neck. "Third finger. Last one, promise."

The pain returns again. I stop thinking about it; I force my body to stop trying to reject the intrusion. God. Sasuke's fingers, _inside_ me.

Pain turns into mild discomfort turns into a tingling pleasure. Sasuke's fingers stroke my skin; I stretch my legs wider, feeling completely open to him, and my hips lurch into his probe.

"Mmn," I groan. "It… feels good… Sasuke…"

"Yes," he says, "yes. Naruto, are you ready?"

"I want you," I whisper, the words scratching my throat with the need I feel. I take his head in my hands and kiss him deeply, filling my senses with him. "Take me, Sasuke."

I feel oddly empty when his fingers slide out of me. Sasuke slicks his member with more lube, his breathing picking up at the friction, but he doesn't linger. Carefully he pulls my legs over his own and guides the head of his erection to my entrance. I can feel his heat as it presses against me, solid and sure.

Sasuke drops to one hand, hovering over me again, and pushes forward.

I grit my teeth, tensing almost immediately. Sasuke's member is a lot thicker than three fingers. I bite my lip hard as I'm stretched. It feels like being torn apart, like the straining seams of a too-small jacket. My chest tightens and I shut my eyes firmly, but I can't stop a tiny whimper from escaping my throat.

"Shh…" Sasuke kisses me with the utmost care, freeing my bottom lip. "Take a deep breath, Naruto. Breathe deeply. Relax. Relax."

"Sasuke… It hurts…"

His breathing is ragged and strained, his hair sticks to his face from the perspiration, a drop of sweat falls from his face onto mine. He jerks in deeper and I gasp, my eyes stinging.

"Shh… Naruto… Just breathe. Relax your mind and body. Feel me, Naruto."

I breathe, and his scent fills me, soothing my frenzied emotions. He slides in further. My eyes swim as tears well up, threatening to escape. Sasuke brings a quivering thumb to my cheek and gently, gently brushes the tears from my eyelids. Unbidden, a sob racks my chest. Sasuke kisses me, touches me, strokes me all over, on my lips, on my cheeks, my ears, my neck, my shoulders, but little can distract me from the pain.

"It hurts," I whisper.

"Should I stop?"

I grip his wrist tightly and shake my head. "No. You can't. Keep going."

Sasuke's eyes reflect uncertainty, but he heeds my words nevertheless. I can't deny him this, no matter what. This is my biggest gift. I've denied him lesser things, and I'm sure about this – nothing will stop me. I'll go through anything for him now.

Slowly, I will myself to let go of my tension. It's hard. Forcing yourself to go limp is harder than forcing your muscles to work. But as I gradually release the tightness, I find the pain receding ever so slightly. Sasuke lets out a quiet, breathy moan, his eyes closing and a look of pure serenity gracing his features. He pushes deeper, deeper, his heat filling me. And with the heat comes an overwhelming, nearly unbearable realization: everything between us, every smile and every tear, every argument and every joke, every touch and kiss and every emotion and every word and every thought is right here, right now. This is the joining of all that we are. Becoming one in body and spirit, mind and heart. My chest tightens more than ever, swelling with a thousand, a million things I couldn't even begin to describe. But Sasuke knows.

Sasuke's hips press flush against me, and he lets out a long breath. He's sweating, overheated against my body. He pants, hot air scorching my shoulder and chest. I can feel his pulse inside of me, filling me, searing, heavy, his body already inches away from climax.

I manage a shaky smile. "This isn't going to last very long, is it?"

He smiles back. "No."

"Move," I whisper.

Sasuke hooks my legs over his shoulders and pulls back. My world goes white for an instant as beautiful friction and sharp pain overwhelm me. He pushes back in. I watch his face, his fiery eyes, his thin lips, his brow knitted with concentration. His chest heaves, his abs quiver. Slowly he sets a rhythm.

The rhythm comforts me. It's predictable, steady and sure in this tumult of new sensations. Even the pain becomes more bearable, now that I know its pattern. For a brief moment, my heart beats in time with his thrusts. My eyes snap open and lock with his.

"Sasuke," I exhale, breath short. "Sasuke, oh, Sasuke…"

"Mmh," he replies, his voice heavy with emotion. "You're… tight, Naruto…"

"Well… what do you… expect?" I say with as close to a laugh as I can manage in a situation like this. "It's not like I've… ever put anything… up there before."

"I… wasn't complaining," he smiles.

I slide my hand up to his head and pull him into a kiss. His taste seems stronger now, as does his scent, as though being joined with him has made all my senses perfectly attuned to him and only him. Then he thrusts and electricity paralyzes my whole body, forcing a shout from my lips.

"Naruto!" He stops moving. "Naruto, are you okay?"

I'm panting, out of breath, my heart hammering, my thoughts scrambling to recollect themselves. My body still tingles with the sensation, and I find that it's blocking out the pain, brushing it away with pure pleasure.

"D…do that again," I breathe.

"Do…? Do what?"

"I don't know – You – you hit something or—"

Sasuke's eyes widen as though he's realized he knows what I'm talking about. Without pausing to explain, he thrusts a few more times, as though trying to find a specific angle. Then my entire being lights up again as though my insides are exploding with fire.

"Nnh – there, right there, oh, don't stop – don't – Sasuke – haah—"

Sasuke's member rubs against that spot once more and my back arches in ecstasy, my muscles contracting over and over again, grasping that brilliant pleasure, something that is completely new, absolutely beautiful. Teeth graze my bared throat, then Sasuke captures my mouth, kissing me hard. His hand wraps firmly around my member and the most intense pleasure I've ever felt rips through me, flooding me with tingling bliss and a sense of utter completion, not just of myself, but of a whole that is both of us.

Sasuke's voice fills my ears and he pulses hotly inside me even as I feel my muscles contracting around his length and with a long, drawn-out moan he too climaxes, emptying himself into me, trembling. I take a shuddering breath, overwhelmed by the sheer idea of his very essence within me, the final bond, and I know what love is.

The peace that follows is a calm glow, a gently drifting feeling of content, pure and clean, like everything negative has been washed away. Sasuke's body is solid and strong on top of me, yet still soft and tender. For a long moment nothing is heard but our heavy breathing; nothing moves but our chests as our lungs expand and contract. Gradually it fades, dissolving into a silence so pure it's like a reverie.

It's only a sudden realization that makes me forget about the silence. Without thinking I say, "Sasuke?"

"Hm?" he replies softly, almost sleepily.

"We forgot the condom."

His eyes snap open. "Shit."

I can't help laughing. "It's okay. It was kinda supposed to be symbolic."

Sasuke relaxes, snuggles into my hair, breathes in. He pulls me in closer, and I sigh in sheer happiness.

There's nothing, nothing better than this. We are one.

* * *

Unsexy fact: I did research on sex. (I found out the prostate isn't as far in as I thought it was.) I got to read about all the nasty diseases you can get from fecal infection. Wear condoms, kids. :)

I want to know your honest opinions: do you think it was better than a one-shot? Is there an element in long-awaited sex that just isn't present in short stories? Mind you, I've read some amazing one-shot sex scenes. In some, Naruto and Sasuke's relationship has no romance at all; in others, their relationship is built entirely on fluffy love. I've seen great one-shots of all kinds. But I like to delude myself and hope/wish/pretend there's something special about first-time sex after months and months of waiting – within the story and in terms of updating too. Tell me honestly. Is it special, is it different, or is it just another form of love to add to the list?

Thank you so much for reading!

R+F


	66. Sixth Sense

Morning brings a sense of freshness, a new beginning, like we've been reborn. As we lie side by side in the afterglow of our communion, we feel a kind of understanding between each other that's never been around before. It's like finally, after months of growing closer and learning about each other and waiting and hoping and hurting and healing, we've jumped that last hurdle and all we have to do now is run for the finish line.

Our first time is held in a sort of awed reverence, isolated in its own little trophy case, the fruit of all our labour. It's almost as though we don't dare to taint it with another round – though we wouldn't be upset by doing such a thing again, neither of us feels very inclined to right now. It's as if trying to invoke that passion again so soon would mar its perfection. And so we lie, side by side, bathing in the sunlit beauty of our bond.

"Sasuke?" I say softly.

"Yes, Naruto?" he replies, his voice equally gentle.

Unable to bear more than a whisper, I ask, "Can you feel it?"

He looks over at me, and smiles. The whole room fills with sunlight.

"Yes."

"It feels…" I heave a deep, contented sigh, as though that will express my wordless feelings. Sasuke knows how to make it poetic, but my language skills don't stretch that far.

Sasuke smiles and presses his lips against my shoulder. "I know. I know what you mean."

"Sasuke?"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"My ass hurts."

He blinks at me, then begins to laugh. This irritates me at first, but before long I can't help it; I let out a chuckle.

"Sorry," he says, mirth still tugging at the corners of his lips. "But you know, if it hurts just lying here, think of what it's gonna be like when you start walking."

I sigh in resignation. My smile won't go away. "It was worth it."

—

Even once we properly get out of bed, the only thing the physical activity (that is to say, more activity than lying around) gives us is the energy to play. We touch and tease, kiss and nip, each leaving our subtle presence on the other, in the ghostly memory of an arm around the waist, the tingling left from a kiss to the skin, the echo of gentle laughter in the ear. We're content, together, joined in heart and soul, mind and body. We are everything together.

Sometime in the afternoon we change into suitable outdoor clothes and, hand in hand, set off for the movie theatre to meet Takeshi and Takeshi. The air of tenderness between us lingers on, enveloping us in its warm wings. It reminds me of the innocent days when all we did was hold hands and sometimes kiss quickly, when sex with Sasuke was the last thing on my mind. I vaguely wonder just how long Sasuke's been thinking about sex with me, but I decide that's a subject for another time. Now, on our way to the theatre, the link between us that is our interlaced fingers is buzzing with warmth; our happiness is quick glances and uncontrollable smiles.

We spot Takeshi and Takeshi before they see us, waiting in line for the tickets. When they do notice us, I see Takeshi whisper something into Shiroi's ear. Shiroi looks back at us as though in response to this, then smiles knowingly and whispers back.

"Hi," says Shiroi when we approach. His voice is a little too casual.

"Uh… hi?"

"You guys look happy," Takeshi notes.

Sasuke asks coolly, "Is there a problem with that?"

"Oh, no, not at all. We were just curious to what event might have brought it on."

Event? I glance away hastily. Out of the corner of my eye I swear I see a gleam in Shiroi's eyes that says, _You're not fooling anyone._

"What movie d'you wanna watch?" I ask, taking advantage of my line of vision to pretend I was examining the list.

We discuss it a little and pick the one about some guy who becomes the apprentice of the Grim Reaper. Then, with half an hour yet to kill, we all get ice cream and sit down on a bench.

"Soooo," says Takeshi. "How was last night?"

I nearly choke on a piece of cone, my face going redder than a tomato. Takeshi thumps me on the back, laughing his head off; Shiroi cracks up too. Sasuke's reaction is similar to mine, his eyes wide in a kind of horrified shock, his face going even paler in contrast.

"_What?_" I manage to wheeze.

"You really got it on?" Takeshi asks, rubbing tears of laughter from his eyes. "Man, you guys are _so_ easy to mess with! It was only a guess. If you'd acted normally we might've eventually concluded that we were wrong."

"But I – you—" I stare at them, wishing my face would stop blazing.

"Relax," Shiroi says. "Don't get so worked up about it, we're not going to kill you or anything."

"I… but…" I sigh and flop back, letting my head hang backwards. "Sasuke, are we seriously that obvious?"

Sasuke doesn't answer, but makes a face that says he would if he could find his voice.

"I said relax. We can read the signs, remember? It was your first, wasn't it?"

"I – I—" I stammer; then, finally, manage a very small "…yes."

Takeshi and Takeshi exchange looks, smiling wistfully at some shared memory of their own.

"Wait, so does that mean you two – that you also—?" I can't say it. Talking about something like this with Sasuke is bad enough, but to talk to someone who isn't "in on it" – it's mortifying.

"Yeah," Takeshi admits, also reddening a little, which makes me feel ever so slightly better. "A while ago. It, ah, didn't work out so well."

"What? Why?" I blurt before I can stop myself. I immediately slap my hand over my mouth.

Shiroi waves my gesture away. "No, it's fine. We… we were stupid, naïve. Everything was going so well, and we thought we were ready. But…"

"If you must know," says Takeshi in a small voice, "it hurt like hell."

"You were—" I mouth the word, but no sound comes out.

"On the bottom, yeah." He passes a hand over his face. "It wasn't pretty. We hurt each other. We didn't know what we were getting into, and by the time we got into it, it was too late. We very nearly broke up."

Takeshi sighs. Shiroi puts an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer comfortingly.

"But you're still together," Sasuke points out.

I'd nearly forgotten Sasuke was there. Well, I didn't really _forget_; I could feel his hand in mine, his presence brushing against me, but he's been so silent and I was so absorbed in Takeshi and Takeshi's story.

Shiroi nods. "There was no one else to go to. We'd hurt each other, but we were also used to comforting each other in ways we couldn't be comforted by our other friends, so eventually we found each other again. We agreed it was a mutual mistake and turned to slowly mending our hearts."

That's… so similar to our story. Hurting each other, needing each other.

"We've become distant from our other friends," says Takeshi quietly. "We've become closer to each other, but it isolates us. Do you ever feel that?"

"Yes." I look around us, spotting a couple of guys from one of my classes. "It's – I don't mean to, but spending more time with Sasuke means spending less time with my friends. I feel bad when I remember how long I've left them. Sometimes I almost wish they'd move on. I know I'd be sad if they forgot about me, but I don't want to make _them_ sad because _I_ forgot about them."

Sasuke squeezes my hand briefly. I squeeze back.

Shiroi adds, "And of course, the closer you get to your significant other, the less you can talk about it to your friends."

Sasuke and I nod knowingly. Our conversation not five minutes ago proved that.

"Well, all that's changed now," says Takeshi brightly. "I mean, obviously it's not gonna be easy talking about – y'know, _stuff_ – but easier than talking to others, right? Come on, we should head back or we'll be late for the movie."

—

Two hours of stunning 3D graphics and morbid hilarity later, we all step out into the daylight, blinking at the contrast between our sunny world and the dark, shadowy lair of the Grim Reaper. Then, having skipped out on popcorn and therefore being rather hungry, we head to the sushi restaurant.

"If you, ah, if you don't mind my asking," says Shiroi quietly, after the waitress gives us our food and leaves, "what… how was it?"

"How was what?" I say.

"Your… Well, last night."

I nearly jump out of my seat. Sasuke buries himself in his teacup (a pretty amazing feat, all things considered). I watch him, feeling uncomfortable, as he takes a long drink, then carefully sets down the cup.

"I – um, I mean, is it really okay to be asking a question like that…?" I mutter, glancing around. There's no one at any nearby tables and the restaurant is fairly noisy.

"Sorry, I just… well, I'm… curious. We both are."

Takeshi nods quickly.

"But you've… done it too."

"Not really. I mean, technically yes, but it lasted all of five minutes and it just… y'know?"

"I… guess." I glance at Sasuke. He shifts his leg until it's against mine and interlaces our fingers under the table. "Well… I mean… it was Sasuke's birthday yesterday, and I – I—" My face burns and my voice suddenly fails me. I look to Sasuke for help.

"It's a bit early to talk about it," he says quietly, not pausing or stumbling over his words, but still taking into account the gravity of the topic. "It hasn't really even settled in for us yet."

"Ah. Okay." Shiroi leans back and, to my immense relief, they drop that particular subject. "Then can you tell us about yourselves? How did you meet?"

I smile wistfully at the memory. Sasuke looks back at me, the pain of that time visible in his eyes, still present, however distant. It only makes me love him more.

"We were in a lot of the same classes from day one," I say, glad to take up the topic in light of the previous one. "First day, first class of high school – as soon as the teacher disappeared for a minute I scrawled my name on the chalkboard and made my existence known to the class. You could say I was a bit of an attention seeker," I add, scratching my head sheepishly. "Well it worked, more or less. Got the attention of this teme here." I poke him, and he grabs my hand and silently threatens to crush it.

"There was something about that moment," Sasuke continues. "Looking back now, I think I fell in love right then; but at the time all I knew was that Naruto had made an impression on me. Not necessarily a good one – he seemed like an idiot by all rights—" I try to poke him again, but he intercepts this one "—but there was just… _something_. I can't explain it. I watched him from the background. Then I tried to work up the courage to talk to him. But I couldn't act normal. I'm—"

"A loner," I finish for him. He doesn't even pretend to contradict me. "Socially inept. Really not a people person. A huge prick, actually, and—"

"Yes, that's enough," he says pointedly. "I didn't know how to approach Naruto as a classmate, acquaintance, or friend. I got nervous. I was afraid of slipping up – it was bad enough that we were both guys; I didn't know what he would think. So the first time I talked to him, I treated him like dirt."

I glance out the window, remembering that day. Yeah, I'd noticed Sasuke before then. He seemed like a stuck-up know-it-all who had no life and no patience for people in general. "I'm not exactly the sharpest tack in the drawer," I say. "I figured Sasuke was picking on me 'cause I was dumb."

"Then it worked," says Sasuke with a grim smile. "I called you an idiot; it only follows that you would assume I thought you really were one."

I turn to Takeshi and Takeshi. "I was used to people picking on me. It wasn't really out of the ordinary at first, but then I started to get the feeling that Sasuke really had it in for me. He wouldn't leave me alone; he always called all my mistakes and mocked my every move. I – to be honest, I convinced myself Sasuke was just jealous of how great I was, and I used that as a comeback." I laugh at my own stupidity. What a long time ago that seems.

"You did have an ego the size of the Earth."

"Shut up. Well, we set up a bit of a rivalry. That's how I saw it, anyway. I knew deep down I could never compete with Sasuke; he gets top marks in everything and I flunk a lot. But there was just something personal about it."

"I was desperate for contact, without knowing it," Sasuke says. "I took every chance I got to interact with Naruto, even if it seemed like we hated each other's guts. But it wasn't working out right. I wanted him to like me, not hate me. I couldn't approach him directly, so at the beginning of our second year of high school, I started writing anonymous love letters."

"One a day," I say. "Every day. I was convinced that for once in my life someone could see past the prejudice and love me for who I was."

"Prejudice?" Takeshi repeats.

"You know the story of the Kyuubi, right?" I only say it in question form to make it less straightforward. Everyone knows the Kyuubi's story. There's a statue for the guy who defeated him.

"We only know what everyone knows," says Takeshi. "They say a demon appeared, a giant nine-tailed fox, and Konoha's Yellow Flash defeated it."

"Kyuubi's immortal," I say. "They couldn't kill him, so they sealed him into a newborn boy."

"What, they can do that? They say Kyuubi could crush mountains!"

"Don't be ridiculous, we don't have mountains around here. Don't ask me, I don't know the details – things get a little foggy when you start dealing with demons, or, well, anything of mythical proportions. The point is—" I lower my voice further "—I'm the Kyuubi's container. I'm a Jinchuuriki."

They stare. I resist the urge to squirm in the silence that descends on our table.

Then Shiroi opens his mouth. "That's so—"

"—cool!" Takeshi finishes.

I blink. "What?"

"It's like a fantasy movie!" Takeshi says enthusiastically.

"Demon terrorizes village, hero fights demon, hero sacrifices life to seal it away forever," Shiroi adds.

"But forever isn't really forever," Takeshi continues. "One day the demon breaks out of its prison, and a new band of heroes rises to destroy it once and for all! And then—"

"Whoa, wait, hold on!" I say, holding my hands up to stop them. "This is _not_ a fantasy story. And that prison you're talking about is _me_. Having Kyuubi break out sounds like it might be kinda hazardous to my health. Y'know, maybe just a little?"

"Sorry," says Shiroi. "We didn't mean to be insensitive, it's just… It's amazing, isn't it? No one's ever seen a demon. They're usually the stuff of legends. The Yellow Flash is a legend himself. He doesn't even have a name, for goodness's sake. And yet all this happened just seventeen years ago."

"Yes, well, he sealed the demon into me, and it's been no small feat dealing with him," I mutter. "Kyuubi doesn't like being suppressed."

"What, do you _talk_ to him or something?"

"Not much lately; he pretends to throw up anytime I feel affection."

They stare at me in awe.

"Look, we're getting off-topic. The point is, because of what I am everyone in the school thinks I'm the demon."

"You're no demon," says Shiroi immediately.

"And even if you were, I wouldn't pass up a chance to be near your hot ass," Takeshi adds with a wink.

"Uh… thanks?" I say awkwardly. Sasuke's lips thin in a near-smile.

"What he _means_ to say," Shiroi says pointedly, "is that we don't think any the less of you for being the Kyuubi's container."

I smile genuinely at this. "Thanks, guys."

"So, the anonymous letters?" Takeshi prompted.

"Right. Well, for someone like me, it was a big deal. Imagine how big of a deal it was when I caught Sasuke writing them. The one person I hated the most. And a guy, at that. I mean… I was straight at the time."

"You thought it was a prank?" asks Shiroi quietly.

I nod. Sasuke slides his hand up to grasp my far shoulder and kisses my cheek softly. I don't look at him, my eyes fixed on the table instead.

"It hurt me, a lot. I have a tendency to run away from my problems, literally, so I left the dorm – oh yeah, that's another thing, we were in the same dorm last year, so there was no getting away – anyway, I wasn't thinking right; I ran outside where it was hailing and ended up catching hypothermia." I expect one of them to tell me how stupid I was to do that. Neither comments, which makes me feel better. "I passed out from the cold, and Sasuke found me and brought me inside and nursed me back to health. Stuck in bed, I had no choice but to hear him out." The thought brings a smile to my face. "He convinced me to give him a chance. And he's proved his worth a million times over."

Sasuke turns away quickly. I look in time to see enough of his cheek to realize he's blushing. I can't help chuckling. Still facing the other way, he flings an arm in my direction and slaps me in the face, holding my mouth shut. This just makes me laugh harder.

"You guys are _adorable_," Takeshi croons. "So… romantic. No wonder the girls at your school are all over you."

"No wonder _you're_ all over Naruto," Shiroi adds. He doesn't seem at all fazed by his boyfriend's apparent infidelity. This more than anything reassures me that Takeshi is (mostly) joking.

"What about you?" Sasuke asks. "Let's hear your story, then."

"Us? We've been best friends since before we could talk," Takeshi says. "We went to the same daycare. We made an unbreakable bond from the beginning."

"Everyone grew up around us," Shiroi goes on. "We had great friends for years at a time, but eventually everyone would go to a different school than us or move away or something. Our only constant was each other. By high school we were practically living together, we hung out so often."

"How'd you start dating then? When did you decide, or realize, or whatever?"

They exchange smiles. Shiroi glances away first.

"It was super awkward," he says. "I think deep down we'd known it for years, but…"

"It's just not the kind of thing you want to consider," Sasuke finishes for him.

Shiroi nods. "It's so much more complicated than being straight. On top of that, my parents aren't really very supportive of, well, gays. They don't know about 'us;' they just think we're best friends."

I never even considered that. Sasuke and I are both orphans, so we had no adults frowning upon our decision. I'm sure some of the teachers might have their doubts, but it's not their place, and those who do matter – Tsunade no baa-chan, as my guardian, and Iruka-sensei, who's more like a friend to me than a superior – were just happy that I finally had someone important to me. It didn't matter who, or how, or why.

"In any case," says Shiroi, "we were at Takeshi's house and we were play-fighting along with his older brother. I think at that point it was subconsciously just an excuse to get closer; we fought all the time. Takeshi's brother seemed to pick up on hints that even we didn't notice."

"He was really sneaky about it," Takeshi says. "We didn't even know what was going on, but next thing we knew we were a tangle of arms and legs and we were kissing the life out of each other. It took a minute to remember he was around – and so was my mom."

I stare at them. I don't know what family is like, but that sounds mortifyingly awkward.

"Yes. Well. They took it really well – I mean, we figured out later that it was my brother who'd set us up, and my mom had no problems with it."

"And your dad?" I ask.

Takeshi's expression changes for an instant, then it's back to normal so quickly I'm not quite sure I didn't imagine it. "He was killed in action. Military. A few years ago."

"Oh." I'm not sure how to feel. It's hard to say I can empathize, because I don't have parents at all. I tell him so.

"You're an orphan?"

"So am I," Sasuke says. "I lost my parents when I was seven. Naruto never knew his."

A heavy silence falls upon us.

"Look," I say quickly, "sorry about getting us on this. I—"

"Naruto-kun? Sasuke-kun?"

We all turn. There's Sui, beaming at the sight of us, Kiba not far behind. I split into a wide grin.

"Yo, Naruto," says Kiba. I reach across the table to punch his fist. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Shoulda known, though, since we come here all the time." I turn to the guys across from me. "Sui, Kiba, this is Takeshi and Takeshi – uh, Takeshi and Shiroi. Guys, Kiba and Sui."

There are hellos all around, except from Sui, who's looking at me and Sasuke curiously.

"Uh… Sui?" I say.

A huge smile breaks across her face. "You two! You did it, didn't you?"

"Did…?" I repeat, not understanding. Suddenly Sasuke's eyes get huge and his cheeks turn bright red. I stare at him, then realization shocks my system and my face mimics his. I hastily cover it with a hand – not that it helps much.

"You did!" she squeals. "Oh my god! Uh, congratulations, I guess? Oh – wow!"

Kiba frowns at us like he's trying to x-ray us, trying to figure out what Sui saw. "Huh? Sui, what did they do?"

She dissolves into a giggle fit. "Oh, Kiba. You know? Doing _it_?" When Kiba's face remains blank, she rolls her eyes and says, "The hanky panky? Getting it on?"

His face goes bright red. "G-g-g—"

Sui goes on, oblivious. "Tangoing, doing the dirty, testing the bed—"

"Futon," I correct her before I can think, then immediately bury my face in my arms. Fucking hell.

"Giving the dog a bone, I'm sure you've heard of that one, Kiba," Sui finishes, an innocent smile in her voice.

Kiba covers his ears and cries, "I don't need to hear—"

"Stick Pole A in Slot B and jiggle," Takeshi offers. Kiba lets out a strangled noise similar to that of a cat violently horking up a hairball, and I hear him hurry away.

"Haha, sorry about that, you two," giggles Sui.

"I think you broke him," I mutter into my arms, refusing to raise my head. "Good job. He's going to have nightmares for the rest of his life."

"I'll go fix him," she reassures us. "See you later."

When her footsteps die away, I look up. Takeshi and Takeshi are barely containing their laughter.

"Kiba's straight as an arrow," I tell them. "Got into a bit of a disagreement with him when he found out I'd been on a date with Sasuke, but it all worked out in the end. But I think that was a little too much. He's already had enough scarring as it is."

"How did she know?" says Shiroi thoughtfully.

"Fangirls always know," Sasuke mutters. "It's a sixth sense."

Takeshi laughs at this. "You guys are gonna have a great time of it when you get back to school."

I groan. "Is there an all-boys school in Konoha? 'Cause it would be a lot easier if we went there instead."

"Yeah, chances are good that only around twenty-five percent of the students _there_ would be chasing after you," Takeshi grins.

"Twenty—"

"It's not a statistic," he says hurriedly. "I was just throwing a number out there. But, y'know, stick a couple hundred teenage boys in a boarding school for a year and you're gonna get some frisky kids." He and Shiroi chuckle.

"There is not, in fact, an all-boys school in Konoha, though," says Sasuke. "Anyway, I'd rather face fangirls who know they can't compete with a guy – and don't want to – instead of fan_boys_ who are perfectly fine with trying to seduce my dobe."

"You think I can be seduced?" I challenge, raising an eyebrow. "I'm hurt, Sasuke. I thought you knew the only person who can make me fall for him is you."

"And me," adds Takeshi, winking.

Sasuke snorts good-naturedly. "You wish. How about you restrain that boyfriend of yours, Shiroi? One of these days he might actually fly off with some other boy."

"Oh, I'm sure he won't," says Shiroi lightly. "But if he's pushing your buttons I can break his fingers for you."

Sasuke jokingly puts on a falsely pleasant smile that reminds me eerily of Sai. "Please do."

Shiroi grins wickedly and turns to Takeshi, who squirms as far away as he can, clutching his shoulders in an attempt to protect his fingers from Shiroi's wrath. We watch Takeshi and Takeshi grapple for a while. Sasuke laughs, then takes my hand and kisses my fingertips lightly.

"Rest assured I won't be breaking your fingers," he smiles.

"Even if I push your buttons?"

"Now why would you want to do that?"

"Because your buttons do hilarious things," I tell him. "It's fun to see you spaz."

He raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, teme. You're always so stuck-up and self-important. You don't know how funny it is when you lose your cool."

He rolls his eyes. "Right, okay. I'll remember that next time I want to make you laugh. 'Note to self: if Naruto is having a bad day, get angry with him.' "

"Well, no, not like _that_," I protest.

Sasuke sighs and ruffles my hair. "I know what you meant, usuratonkachi."

"I know what you meant too."

"Hn."

"Teme!"

He pecks me on the cheek. "Love you too, baby."

* * *

I really enjoyed working with my betas to generate a list of sex euphemisms for this chapter. Poor Kiba…

R+F


	67. Ninjas and Foursomes

Somewhere between dinner and dessert the topic of my paintball battle comes up. I've already told Sasuke and the gang, but Takeshi and Takeshi seem super interested, so I text Yukio and he agrees to bring a couple more friends to make the tally nine per team. Then, content and feeling much friendlier together for some reason, we all say our goodbyes and head home, where Sasuke and I laze around wanting nothing more than each other's company and warmth.

Nothing much happens on Sunday either. We do the usual, making meals, going for a walk around the lake, or just lying around contentedly. This is the life. In a way, I expected something more monumental – I expected the whole world to change around me, it seems. But of course it doesn't. We're the ones who have changed.

By Sunday night we start getting a little frisky again. A gentle kiss turns into a play fight, nipping at each other's skin, touching whatever's available, laughing and teasing and just being there. We don't do anything beyond that, but the tension is mounting once more. We're ready.

Paintball is scheduled to start after lunch, so we sleep in on Monday and make ourselves a brunch instead. Then we decide to kill some time outside before the match.

"I've never played paintball," Sasuke says, glancing around at the various shops in the mall. "I hear it's painful."

"Mm, yeah," I reply idly. "Getting hit stings like a bitch. I haven't played many times. It's less accessible and more expensive than laser tag, which is basically a less painful variant, and is also in the dark with lasers so you get to feel like a secret agent. Still, paintball's got its own merits. It's more intense, for one thing. Come here a second."

I lead Sasuke to a clothing display and pick out a long, bright blue, long-sleeved shirt, the material thin and stretchy, the build slim, orange curves crossing it.

"Too bright," he says immediately. "It's like the sky gone neon. Also, it's got _orange_."

"Perfect." I grin brightly, shove the shirt into his arms, and push him towards the dressing rooms. He sighs and gives in. He can't see my triumphant smile.

While I'm waiting, I find a pair of dark skinny jeans, washed nearly white on the front, with the wash tracing the tops of pre-made creases at the ankles. Mm, low rise. There's a small chain dangling out from the back pocket too. Never have I wanted more to buy clothing for someone else.

And so, fifteen minutes later, Sasuke walks out of the store with a new shirt and jeans, six thousand yen less than when he walked in, and a very satisfied boyfriend tagging along behind.

"What's the point in making me buy clothes if you'd rather just see me naked?" he asks amusedly.

"Oh, come on, teme. You know I love a good strip show," I say with a wink.

"Ah, of course. Your own personal, free, live porn."

"Mm, yeah, baby."

"Hn," he replies, the corner of his mouth lifting. "Well I'd love to provide you with your little show right now, but I've just seen a really nice shirt I'd like to rip off you too."

I turn and spot the garment he's eyeing: it's nearly exactly the muscle shirt he described a while back, with a collar that traces right up against my neck just above my collarbone, and holes for the arms stopping just under the armpit. The rest of the cloth looks uncomfortably huggy. It is, at least, long enough to overlap a mid-waist pant by at least two inches.

"That again?"

"Hey, _that_ only ever came up once, and it's not like we ever found one. You made me buy all of this, anyway; it's only fair. It's not even two thousand yen, look."

I sigh and glance at the tag to humour him. Doubtfully I feel the fabric – must be at least half spandex – and give it a stretch. "It's so… _tight_."

"It looks comfortable. Come on, let's see you wear it."

With an exaggerated resignation, I traipse off to the change rooms, but not before snatching up a length of inch-wide black fabric hanging next to the belts.

Sasuke just cocks an eyebrow when I emerge from the stall with the shirt on and the strip tied around my head, pushing my lengthening hair out of my eyes, the extra fabric dangling to mid-back behind me.

"Look, Sasuke, I'm a ninja!" I exclaim, grinning.

His eyebrow goes even higher. "How's the shirt?" he asks, ignoring my fun.

I glance down at it, tug at the fabric. "Okay, I admit it… it's hella comfortable." I pull a couple of small dance moves. It conforms easily to my movements, sticking close to me instead of flailing everywhere like my baggy clothes do. I'm used to the flail, though. "Still, I think it works better as ninja gear."

"A ninja," he repeats. "A _ninja_."

"What can I say? If I were wearing black sweats and a mask up to my nose I'd make a pretty badass ninja right now. Could do with a katana, though."

Someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see a giggling girl from my music class, wearing the store's uniform, holding out a long stick to me. I take it and realize it is, in fact, a fake sword. Laughing in disbelief, I strap the sword on by its belt and grab the handle. It slides out of the sheath with a satisfying _shing_ and Sasuke jumps back so as not to be slashed, even though he's a good metre or two away. I put on a serious expression and hold an action pose.

"Oh my goodness," squeaks the girl who gave me the sword, "that is so _cool_, Naruto-kun!"

"Prepare to meet your demise, evil man!" I growl in a deep voice at Sasuke. The girl's friends have come over by now and are cheering me on.

Sasuke steps forward, pushes the blade of the sword aside with a finger, and ruffles my hair. "You'd be a failure of a ninja, blondie."

"Shut up, teme!" I snap, dropping the stance. "You can't discriminate against hair colour!"

"Um," says another girl with a hesitant giggle.

"Yeah?" I say, turning to her.

"You two should cosplay!"

"Cos…?"

"Like Halloween, but whenever you like," clarifies the Konoha High girl. "People do it at anime conventions and such, and also for photo shoots." She pulls out her phone and holds it up to show us the camera lens. "N-Naruto-kun, can I snap a shot of you as a ninja? Pretty please?"

"_Can_ you?" I say enthusiastically. "Be my guest!"

So, when we walk out of _that _store, it's with the muscle shirt, katana, and headband, all at half price courtesy of our classmate's employee discount. Sure, I paid for it with my own money, but I know we can all guess who's gonna be running around the lake and darting between trees when we get home. Striking a cool pose in the wind generated by the lake and letting the headband flutter behind me sounds like a good plan too. Actually…

"Sasuke, ne, Sasuke!" I say, tugging on his hand.

"What? I'm listening, dobe."

"Sasuke, for the paintball match we should play like ninjas, and be all stealthy. Secrecy is the key. We need to spy on the opposing team and find out what their strategy is."

His eyebrows rise. "I'm impressed, Naruto. For once you show you may not be a total dunce."

"Teme!"

"You know I love you," Sasuke says gently.

"You're lucky I can't stay mad at you," I pout. He leans in, but I dodge his kiss and peck him on the cheek first.

Half an hour later we arrive at the paintball park, where Sai, Gaara, Shikamaru, and some guys from Yukio's gang are already waiting in front of the building, standing a ways away from each other. I notice the other guys mutter to each other as we near, but I ignore them and we cross over to where our friends are standing.

"We're up against _them_?" Gaara asks in a low voice. I never did tell them who we were playing against.

"Sounds like Yukio wants to make friendly," I reply. "I met him last week at the convenience store, when I was buying—" I stop myself before I can blurt out something devastatingly embarrassing.

"Buying…?" Sai prompts.

"Sasuke's birthday present," I say quickly.

Sasuke raises an eyebrow at me. I firmly avoid his gaze, refusing to acknowledge his smirk.

"Oh yeah, happy birthday, Sasuke," says Gaara. Sasuke acknowledges this. "Naruto, you bought him a present at the convenience store?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I mean, I know how close you guys are. What can you buy at a convenience store that's worth that?"

I glance away, trying desperately not to blush. Sasuke just smiles at me. I glare, but it doesn't have any effect on him.

"Say, Naruto-kun," Sai begins, uncertainty in his voice, "you seem… different, somehow."

I turn to look at him. Shikamaru peers at me. "Yeah, you're right. Naruto, did you… get a haircut? Or something?"

"Haircut? No. Although I should," I add, blowing a puff of air at my lengthening bangs for emphasis.

"No, it's not the hair," Sai goes on, as though oblivious to my comments. "It's not… superficial."

"Some major event, perhaps?" comes Neji's voice from behind. When I turn, his expression turns to mild surprise for a moment. He looks curiously at me, then Sasuke, then he smiles. I blink, feeling uncomfortable for reasons I don't understand.

Sasuke discreetly takes my hand, and I glance at him. His touch and his expression course through me and, with my sensitivity to his body language, I understand the message he's sending me – two words: _He knows_.

I widen my eyes just a fraction. _What? How?_

_Beats me,_ he shrugs microscopically.

I look to Neji again. He's watching the others in amusement as they try to figure out what's "different" with me. I'd like to think that by now I'm at least a _little_ better at hiding my embarrassment – at least I don't flinch and flail now. Still blushing, but that's not easy to control, so I keep my other reactions in check as Kiba walks in to join us.

"What's up?" he asks curiously, noticing the way Shikamaru, Gaara, and Sai are all staring at me down.

"Naruto's hiding something from us," says Gaara.

"What?"

"I'm not _hiding_ anything," I retort. "Sai just started staring at me all of a sudden, saying I look different."

Kiba looks, and then he realizes it too. He doesn't control his reaction as easily. "Oh. _Oh_. That. Uh…"

"You know, Kiba?" Sai demands.

"Tell us! Why's Kiba get to know?"

"It wasn't my choice!" Kiba cries. "I didn't want to, and you shouldn't either! Ask them or – or Neji or something!"

They round on Neji, who holds his hands up. "I don't know anything."

"But there _is_ something, right?" Shikamaru asks, turning from Kiba to me and Sasuke, searching for an answer. "Come on, tell us, what's the big deal?"

Sasuke sighs and lowers his voice until even I can barely hear him. "Naruto and I had sex."

Stunned silence follows. Every inch of my skin is burning in embarrassment. Sasuke's bright red too, but despite that he doesn't seem too bothered.

"You—"

"YOU WHAT?"

"Fuck," I mutter, burying my face in Sasuke's shoulder. He pats me gingerly on the back.

"Did _not_ need to know that," says Shikamaru loudly, turning around. "Definitely did _not_ need that much information."

"You asked," Sasuke points out quietly. "Kiba did say you shouldn't have wanted to find out."

Shikamaru groans despairingly. I don't know what to do.

"Y-you really…" Gaara stutters, unable to finish the sentence. "Wait, so does that mean that when you went to the convenience store, what you bought was—"

"You two actually did it?"

I whip around. Yukio's staring at us with a horrified expression on his face.

"How does everyone just _know_?" I cry out despairingly. "Do we have this freaky aura that says 'I just lost my virginity' or something?"

"Last I saw you, you were standing in the store next to the fucking condoms, and now you're—" Yukio stops, slapping a hand to his face. "Fuck, never mind. Is everyone here?"

"We're still missing – oh, no, here they are," I say, waving at Takeshi and Takeshi, who hurry over. I quickly introduce them to our team, then say, "Okay. Why don't we pretend that conversation never happened, and get to the paintball?"

Everyone agrees, which is a great relief to me especially.

"Right," says Yukio, still looking rather shaken by the knowledge he's gained. "It's nine on nine here. We got the park until five, so we're gonna do some rounds of capture the flag. You can shoot anyone anywhere except in the team home zones, but you can't shoot from your home zone either. You gotta get the other team's flag over to your team's home zone. Team that wins the most rounds wins the game. The gear here's got sensors, right, so we're using hit points. You get hit on the arm or leg, that's a point, torso is two points, head is three. Fifteen points and you're dead 'til the next round. Got that? We can switch up the rules later if we want."

We all head inside. Yukio confirms his reservation and, after we all pitch in the money and put our bags and whatnot in the storage room, we get our gear – helmets with clear visors, light vests with strips attaching to the arms and legs for the sensors, and loaded paintball guns – and listen to the park safety rules before marching out to the field.

It's a cloudless, sunny day, and devastatingly hot. The park is about the size of a football field. It's splattered everywhere in bright colours of paint and riddled with obstacles: trees and bushes, haystacks, wooden structures, mirrors, a pond, and more. We head to our home base.

The base is just a wooden platform at our end of the field. The flag, a red swatch of cloth on a small metal pole, is sticking out of the ground not too far away. On the base is an ammo refuel station and a screen indicating each of our team members' hit points as well as the status of the game, scheduled to begin in ten minutes. We have this time to discuss tactics, though going out on the field isn't allowed until the game starts.

"Shikamaru, what's the plan?" I ask. He's always been good at strategy.

"Hang on," he mutters, scanning the layout. "We need a few people to check out the landscape. We can see some stuff from up here on the base; that's good, but we need more. The mirrors are important to know, as well as vantage points and their weaknesses, and where the other team's flag is. I'm sending Kiba, Neji, Sai, and Sasuke out for recon for now. When the game starts, you need to cover as much ground as possible and report back in five minutes. If you can find out their strategy or where they're positioning their players, that'd be good too. We need to protect our flag as well. Naruto, Gaara, you're in charge of that. Takeshi and Shiroi, you guys stay here with me too."

We bounce strategies back and forth, going over emergency procedures and plans to follow should certain situations arise, until the signal sounds. Then the recon team heads out and Gaara and I station ourselves near the flag, watching for the first signs of enemies.

"How come we have to stay here?" I ask Shikamaru, sitting down on a tree stump.

"Well, Naruto, _someone's_ got to guard the flag. We're not exactly soldiers here; it's not like we've been trained for war. We just have to do the best we can. At this point it doesn't matter who does what, but I can count on the others to give a useful verbal description of the terrain. I know what you're thinking," he adds before I can speak. "You wanted to go with Sasuke, right? Bad plan. You'll probably get distracted with each other and get killed making out on the field."

I pout, my cheeks heating up, and turn away.

"It's the truth," says Shiroi quietly behind me, though his tone is amused.

"So …" Gaara begins awkwardly. "You really… did it, with Sasuke?"

Because I'm turned away, he can't see my burning face, and I thank my too-long hair for hiding my ears as well. "Yeah," I mutter.

I can feel their stares on me, scrutinizing me, like they're afraid I've changed into someone entirely new now. Like there's a distance between us.

"Huh," says Shikamaru after a long silence. "I never really pinned you to be the first of us to hit the hay." He laughs drily. There's nothing you can say about this topic that isn't awkward, but there are definitely worse things than this. "Then again, I don't think I ever pinned anyone. Maybe Kiba."

"Uh, Naruto…?" says Gaara. "If you – I mean, if you don't mind my asking… I'm just… kinda curious."

"What?" I say, expecting him to ask whether I was top or bottom.

"How exactly does… gay sex work?"

I whip around and stare at him.

"Well, I mean, with a girl you've got the…" His face goes darker than his hair, and he doesn't go on.

"Um…"

"You get it up the ass," says Shiroi unexpectedly.

Gaara blinks. "S-sorry?"

"Well, it's the only available orifice," Takeshi chimes in.

I fidget, feeling extremely awkward. I mean, yeah, we've talked about sex and the like before, but none of us ever had any experience with it, and we definitely never imagined the partner might be a guy. Well, maybe Sai did, but he never said it, which was a good thing. And now Takeshi and Takeshi, who the others don't even know, are explaining it like they're commenting on the weather.

"Oh." Gaara stares at his feet for a really long time. "So, Naruto, does that mean you were – well – did you—"

"Y'know," says Shikamaru loudly, "this whole subject woulda been a ton easier if you'd just picked a girl, Naruto. At least with a girl you always know what's going where and who's doing what. It doesn't need _saying_."

"This doesn't need saying either!" I exclaim. "Why the hell do I have to tell you about my sex life anyway?" I laugh at myself. As if you could even call it a sex life.

"Sorry," says Gaara, very quietly. "I was just… never mind."

The silence that settles is almost as awkward as the conversation, made worse with each second that goes by, tracked by the info screen. I notice Sasuke's lost a hit point.

Shikamaru finally breaks the silence to talk idly with Takeshi and Takeshi. I listen, watching them out of the corner of my eye. From here it doesn't seem like a particularly riveting conversation, but Shikamaru's a really good judge of character, and the questions he's asking are subtly raising clues to their personalities – even just by listening to them talk and watching their body language, he can gauge what kind of people they are. The only thing we can bring into this paintball battle is personality. There are things like Sasuke's descriptive vocabulary or Neji's excellent memory that can come into play for recon, but eventually it all comes down to teamwork. After a couple of minutes' chatting, Shikamaru sends Shiroi out as well.

It's about five more minutes before the first signs of activity come our way. And come it does, in the form of Sasuke pelting down a clear stretch, only slowing to dodge a low bush and leap over a rock formation. His shoulder is splattered with neon pink paint.

"They're coming," he pants. "Neji shot one down, three more are on their way."

Shikamaru stands. "Sasuke, stay here and guard the flag. Naruto, you wanted some action, right? You, me, and Takeshi. We can hide behind the obstacles; they won't see us from their side but we can see them, as we observed with Sasuke. Let's go."

We head out. I touch Sasuke lightly on the shoulder as I pass him, and he brushes my hip with his hand before taking over my tree stump. I follow Shikamaru and Takeshi forward and we dart from wall to bush to haystack, feeling like secret agents. I grin to myself. Shikamaru catches my expression and smiles back. Then he puts a finger to his lips and dives forward.

Our enemies aren't very stealthy; they come crashing forward, their footsteps heavy on the wooden planks of the bridge across the pond. Impatient, I sight them through a hole in my wall and make a few shots. The two guys jump and try to dodge; I catch one on the back and the other loses his balance falls into the water. Takeshi and Shikamaru join in; before long we've pelted the standing guy to his rather colourful 'death' and the other one's run off. Takeshi manages to clip his leg before he's lost behind the obstacles.

"Nice," says Shikamaru. "Okay, no point staying here. I'm gonna head back to report. Naruto, Takeshi, you two can go ahead forward. We haven't heard back from recon yet, but I can tell you two are both good at improv. Do what you can – shoot some guys, do some recon, capture the flag if you get the chance. But don't be reckless, okay?"

"Roger that, commander Shikamaru," I say with a salute. And we're off.

Takeshi snickers. " 'You wanted some _action_, right? You, me, 'n Takeshi.' Heh, I always liked the idea of a threesome. 'We can hide behind the obstacles.' Ha!"

"Shut up, pervert," I chuckle, "or we'll be heard."

He lowers his voice. "It's a good idea though. No one around, relative shelter… Great place to get busy."

"Yeah, until they shoot you in the ass." I dart out from behind a tree and take shelter in a group of tall rocks that make a small cave. There's silence, then a hand brushes mine. I jump and whip around to find Takeshi standing right next to me in the cave, which definitely wasn't meant for two people (unless the other person were Sasuke).

"Whoa, hey," I say, throwing my hands up. "Find your own hiding place."

"Aw, but you know I wouldn't pass up a chance to be close to your hot ass," he grins.

I try to convey to him through my facial expression that I'm not amused. Eventually his grin fades and he concedes.

"Alright, fine," he says, disappointed, and relocates to a spot across from me, behind another rock. "You know I was joking, right?"

I give an affirmative to his question automatically, without thinking. I'm already moving on, alert for enemies.

"Naruto?"

"Mmn?"

"What do you think of the idea of a foursome?"

I nearly trip over my own feet. "A – a—" I stammer, my face suddenly on fire.

He nods like he's serious. "Yeah. Goodness knows you're a mortal Adonis; even Shiroi told me he thinks you're hot. And Sasuke's one hell of a looker too. Geez, you guys got lucky."

"I – th…thanks," I manage to get out, not sure what else to say.

"Man, I'm so jealous of Sasuke," he goes on. His hand ghosts along my arm. "What I wouldn't give to—"

I grab his wrist. "Takeshi, what are you doing?"

"What? I just—" He stops when he sees the look on my face.

I glance around quickly, then turn back to him. "Look, I know you think I'm hot or whatever, and you wanna know the truth? The feeling's mutual. But you're with Shiroi, and I'm with Sasuke. It's great that we're all friends, and I think we could really benefit from getting to know another gay couple. But there's a line I don't want you to cross. It'd make things… messy."

He stares into my eyes uncertainly, then pulls his arm back. I let him.

"Sorry," he mutters.

"Isn't Shiroi ever bothered by how you're always hitting on me?" I ask him quietly.

Takeshi avoids my eyes. "Nothing's ever been like this before."

I wait for him to continue, but he says nothing. So I ask, "What do you mean?"

"We've… always had to keep our relationship in the dark," he murmurs. "Everything remotely… intimate… is always between us only, even if we refer to other people. It's a kind of security, see? There's no chance of either of us straying, so we can roam as far as we like." His face goes red as he speaks, his voice diminishing until it's so low I can hardly hear him.

"But to me, it seems like you've started to stray," I say.

"You and Sasuke have changed it all. I still feel the security, but it's like – it's like we can… almost _share_ the intimacy with you, at least as far as talking goes. It's new, so I don't know where to stop. Because…"

"Because?"

He stares very hard at a spot on the ground. I can almost see the cogs turning in his mind, working up the courage to say it. Several times he takes a deep breath, opens his mouth, then closes it and swallows hard.

"Because I'm attracted to you," he finally admits.

I wonder to myself why it took him so much to say just that. But then again, I realize, I've always been very open with Sasuke. We've talked so much, gotten so used to working things out by discussing them, that I've forgotten the way most people communicate. _People don't talk about things,_ Sasuke said once. People leave things in the dark because they're afraid of what will happen if they say them, not knowing that it's worse if the other person finds out before they have a chance to confess.

"Mostly – mostly physically," Takeshi goes on quickly, "because personality-wise you're more like a friend. You almost remind me of Shiroi that way. I flirt with Shir all the time. It's like everything I know is meshing together. And because Shir doesn't seem bothered by it, I'm not pressured into stopping."

"If Shiroi did seem bothered, what would you do?"

"I'd stop," he says at once. "I… He's the most important person in the world to me. You know what I mean?"

I nod. "I know exactly what you mean. Did you ever think that maybe he is bothered by this, but just isn't showing it? Maybe he's staying quiet because he thinks it's funny, or that you're just joking. But what if he starts thinking you're more serious than that? That you're betraying him?"

Takeshi's brow furrows, his expression guilty.

"Betrayal will hurt you as much as it hurts him," I say. "Take it from me. If you love him that much, this is going to come back to hurt you both sooner or later. I don't know how much you feel for me, but you have to choose between me and Shiroi." And I'm not an option, for the sake of all four of us.

"I… I get it," he says.

"Look. You know that Sasuke and I – that we did it, and there's something big about that that I can't describe. It's not so bad when you just say stuff, but the physical is… that's… reserved for Sasuke," I finish, my voice becoming rather small, though still confident.

He nods. "Okay. Yeah. Sorry about that."

I hold out a hand to him. "I just don't want anything bad to happen between any of us. And I'd like to protect you from Sasuke's wrath if I can," I add with a humorous smile.

Takeshi laughs a little at this, and shakes my hand, gripping it tightly, keeping his touch strictly platonic. "Thanks. I wouldn't want to be the victim of the boyfriend of a hottie like you," he jokes, and I have to laugh.

* * *

Some inconsequential stuff, some very consequential stuff. I hope you guys like Takeshi and Takeshi, 'cause they'll be sticking around. If you're one of those people who isn't really a fan of OCs, well… you're in the wrong fanfiction, I guess. I use OCs a lot, and Naruto and Sasuke have gone way off the canon mark by now.

R+F


	68. The Battle but Not the War

"Come on, we're wasting time here," I tell Takeshi, the mood having lightened considerably. I move out from behind the rock.

A paintball explodes against my arm with a painful sting, setting off a notification sound on my vest. Two others splatter on the tree next to me. Instantly alert, I scramble up a wooden plank to the top of a structure, turning to see where the enemy is. Yukio shouts triumphantly and aims for me again. I duck down, safe behind the wood, then hear Takeshi give a battle cry and let loose several paintballs. I run down the other side in time to land a couple of shots on a guy who was about to hit me where I was hiding. He curses and hefts his gun, but I make a run for it, sparing a moment in my mind to feel guilty for abandoning Takeshi.

I'm still running a couple of minutes later when I hear someone hiss "Naruto!" from behind a haystack. I instantly dive in that direction and strong hands with a touch I know well pull me to safety.

As soon as I regain my balance, my visor is jerked up and I'm met by a fierce kiss, setting my head spinning. Then Sasuke pulls back.

"How many hit points have you got left?" he asks, peering around the corner for enemies.

"Fourteen still," I say, glancing at my upper arm, bathed in orange. "You?"

"Nine." His appearance says as much – a shot to the head, several others to his torso and limbs, making him a real rainbow of paint. I press a hand against my arm, covering it in paint, then grab his ass. He jumps.

"What the hell, dobe?" he snarls.

"Just leaving my mark," I laugh, holding up my hand. He glares at me. I retaliate by dragging him into an open-mouthed kiss. It doesn't take long for him to respond, shoving his tongue in my mouth, drinking up my taste. It's a little clunky with the gear and helmets, but that doesn't detract from the kiss in the slightest.

"Missed me?" he smirks. "You seem particularly zealous all of a sudden."

I think of Takeshi, but I don't mention him. "I couldn't stand to be away from you," I snigger in reply.

Sasuke smiles, then mashes our mouths together again. He gets an arm around my shoulders and pushes me against the haystack. I feel the hay poking at my back and yet I can't seem to find any complaint as Sasuke presses closer, like he's trying to mesh our bodies. I drop whatever's in my hands so I can get them on Sasuke, feeling paint smear under my fingers and onto his clothes and skin. It feels like a while since we've kissed with this much burning passion, with this hungry fire. My body is hungry for Sasuke, and I need to remind my body that the only reason I feel awkward around Takeshi is because he keeps flirting with me. That would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

"Holy fuck!"

Sasuke tears away from me an jerks both our visors down over our faces. We scramble to grab our guns, lying discarded on the ground, then open fire at Yukio, who's standing there in shock with his jaw hanging. In seconds his sensors beep loudly, pronouncing him dead.

He looks down at the flashing, beeping sensors. "Shit. As if you just did that to me."

"Your fault for spacing out," I say, on the verge of laughing.

"Well it's your fault for fucking making out behind the haystack! No one wants to see that!"

"That's why we were behind it, now isn't it?" says Sasuke. "Either way you look at it, you lose. Have fun waiting for the round to end."

Yukio groans and sits down, leaning against a wooden structure. "That is fucking unfair."

"Anything goes, doesn't it?" I say. "We won't call foul if we catch any of you guys making out."

"What the – we're not going to – fuck, never mind. Just get your gay asses out of here, alright? I need some brain bleach… ugh…"

"You do know neither of us considers 'gay' an insult anymore, right?" Sasuke says, raising an eyebrow.

"What, you _want_ me to call you a fag or somethin'?"

"No, no," I say quickly, touching the back of my hand to Sasuke's. "I'm glad you're making the effort. I mean it."

He scratches his head and glances away. "Whatever."

Well, that's the best I'll get out of him. I let Sasuke take my hand and pull me away, continuing towards the enemy's flag.

After a time, he asks, "Naruto, did you ever wonder why he's going to such lengths to befriend you? I mean, he's always picked on you—" my heart leaps as I suddenly remember that Sasuke said he'd always noticed me, from the first day of school: he would have known all about Yukio's bullying "—and you bled him half to death half a year ago. He'd be scared shitless and angry at the same time."

"I know. I've thought about all of that," I reassure him.

"I just can't make myself believe he only wants a new friend. He's probably got some personal motive to it."

"That's likely. Probably thinks if he's friends with me he's less likely to get gouged again."

"He still doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd take the initiative like that, not without some immediate danger. I don't know. Be careful."

"Don't worry about me, teme," I say, touching his hand. "I'll be fine."

The leaves rustle behind us and we turn, but it's just a bird.

"Are we almost there?" I ask, my voice instinctively lowering to a whisper.

Sasuke nods, murmuring, "There's not much cover near the flag. I can—"

More rustling. I whip around and shoot. A loud "Hey!" comes from a bush, and Neji rolls out from behind it.

"Neji!" I hiss. "Don't scare us like that, we coulda hit you!"

"You did," he replies, indicating his paint-splattered shoe. "Are you going for the flag?"

I nod. Sasuke says, "Naruto, you've got the best endurance, so Neji and I will cover you. Grab the flag and run straight back."

Neji picks up a stick and starts drawing a diagram in the ground. "If you follow the path with haystacks on the left and rocks on the right, you can make it without any obstacles until you have to detour around a structure. Go right until you hit the poles, then you have to go in a zigzag like this around them – watch out right here, there's a horizontal one you can't really either jump or go under – then you're home free, just follow the beaten path to the base."

I stare at the map, trying to remember all of that. "Okay. Are we good to go?"

"Wait."

Takeshi and Takeshi appear beside us. Shiroi says, "We can distract them. We'll shoot them from the side and bait them over, then you three can go forward as soon as they're far enough."

They move out. The rest of us move onward until we can see the base and the flag. Their base is a mirror to ours, the flag blue. Three guys are sitting around it, chatting and not bothering to keep a strict watch. Then again, it's clear for at least ten metres around them.

One of them stops talking and sits up alertly, looking in one direction. The others follow his gaze to where Takeshi and Takeshi are 'stealthily' creeping forward. One enemy lifts his gun and shoots, but they're too far, and his aim is no good. The pair suddenly dashes forward, zigzagging, drawing back, dancing around the shots. I notice how agile Takeshi is, how he seems to take the entire thing as a joke, leaping and tumbling and making a show of his skills.

One enemy gets frustrated and runs toward them, shooting. They split, Takeshi drawing the closer one, Shiroi drawing the attention of the other two guards. They swing their guns round, shooting after Shiroi, but he's fast, ducking behind obstacles and dodging in open spaces, getting hit only once on the arm while the other paintballs explode in firework colours against the terrain.

Shiroi stops for half a moment behind a bush, shoves the barrel of his gun through the branches, and fires several shots at the guards. One of them takes two shots to the head and his equipment beeps his death. He immediately drops his stance and retreats to the base to wait out the game. The other guy glances at his partner, then at the flag, then yelps as a paintball clips his shoulder. He looks around one more time, then bounds towards Shiroi.

I grab Neji's and Sasuke's hands and tap them with three fingers, then two, then one. Then we all jump out and run for the flag.

Shouts erupt all around us as Takeshi and Takeshi close in on the enemies from one side, Sasuke and Neji on their other. Although it seemed okay at the time, now it's clear to see that Takeshi and Takeshi shouldn't have split; now I have to watch for attacks from both sides.

Sasuke reaches the flag first; he wrenches it out of the ground and shoves it at me, shouting, "Go!"

I grab the flag and make a break for it. I hear the cries of conflict behind me, the enemies trying to get to me. Outnumbered two to one, though, they make no headway.

Haystacks left, rocks right. I run down the curving path, leaping over small boulders in my way. Someone from the opposite team yells, "The flag!" and crashes forward. I skid behind a haystack, let loose a round of paintballs, and get back to running just as I hear a shout of pain. Before long there are two rainbow-covered guys on my tail. With no time to shoot, much less aim, I'm forced to detour into a section of undergrowth, the branches grabbing at my skin and scratching my face.

I've slowed them down, but not lost them – I'm hit twice and blue paint splashes onto a rock right next to me. I pick up speed, my breath coming short. I can see the pond. I thunder across the bridge and swerve sharply to the left to avoid smacking into a wooden structure, then weave back into a path.

"Incoming!" I holler, but the sounds of battle ring in front of me, and I burst into the left side of the clearing to see Shikamaru and Gaara trying to push back three enemies, with Kiba, Sai, and one other enemy already dead. The live ones all converge on me, and in that moment I realize I should've kept my mouth shut. But I go on anyway, hanging a right, then doubling back into the forest before coming back out the other side with the three hot on my tail. Gaara aims; I duck and he hits two in the chest, and I tumble over the safety line.

A loud bell rings through the entire field and everyone's vest emits end-of-round beeping noises. The dead guy gets up and joins his teammates. I toss them their flag; they wave at us in a sporting kind of way before heading back wearily. I stay where I am, lying face-down in the grass, breathing hard.

"Good work," Shikamaru says, grinning. "Done in under an hour. Looks like we've got fifteen minutes free 'til the next round. The others should be back soon."

"How'd the hit points go?" I pant.

"I nearly kicked it, Sai was sniped, and Kiba went down in the battle, but Gaara's still got at least half his health." He consults the screen. "Looks like Neji died too. You've got four, Sasuke's got six."

"You should've been there," I say, rolling onto my back and closing my eyes. "I was with Takeshi, right? We got ambushed, then I met up with Sasuke. Then – well, we got distracted—"

"I told you!" says Shikamaru, half angry, half disturbed.

"No, but listen! Yukio walked in on us and he was just frozen there in shock. We took him out before he could recover. It was hilarious."

"You – you turned it into a diversion tactic?" he asks, dumbfounded.

"Yeah. Well, that wasn't the intention, but it worked out pretty well for us."

Everyone groans.

"Anyway," I say quickly, moving on, "after that we got to the enemy's side and Neji and Takeshi and Takeshi came up, and so those two baited the enemies away, then Neji, Sasuke and I went forward. Sasuke grabbed the flag and threw it to me and I fought and ran all the way back."

Shikamaru nods. "Pretty good tactics. Could have been better, but now we've got data on the field and the enemies."

I listen closely to my surroundings for a few minutes, and eventually pick up the sound of Shiroi and Sasuke approaching, chatting animatedly. The interest in Sasuke's voice surprises me – though I can't make out their words from this far, Sasuke is thoroughly absorbed in the conversation. I hear a short comment from Takeshi at one point, but that's the only indicator that he's even there, and although I assume Neji's returning with them, he says nothing at all. My senses snap onto Sasuke's voice. He's content, interested. He even laughs now and then. I wonder what they're talking about.

As soon as they come upon us, however, Sasuke immediately breaks off from his conversation to climb on top of me.

"Good work, dobe," Sasuke mutters, his breath washing on my face. I open my eyes, and he kisses me.

"Get a room," Kiba calls loudly. Takeshi and Takeshi laugh; Sasuke just rolls off me, sitting up. Shiroi settles in the grass next to him, and they exchange glances, then chuckle at some previous topic they'd been discussing.

"Alright, so that's one round for us," says Shikamaru to the group at large. "We'll switch up the roles a little, except… Naruto, Sasuke, come here a sec."

Curious, I follow Shikamaru off to the side, Sasuke behind.

"Look, this is gonna be really weird, but I think you could use that… _tactic_… again. God only knows most guys are disturbed by man-on-man action, so you might be able to catch some of them off guard and take them down. It's definitely unconventional, but anything goes, right?"

"And by 'tactic' you mean kissing," Sasuke says without hesitation.

Shikamaru slaps a hand to his face. "Yes, go make out or whatever it is you do out there. Geez, you've got paint streaked all over yourselves from… Look, just make it distracting, okay?"

I look over to Sasuke, who still has the handprint on his ass, not to mention streaks on his arms and face and neck like the erratic fingerpainting of a child. I can only imagine I must be similarly marked.

"Easy," says Sasuke casually. Then he glances at Takeshi and Takeshi, who are watching us with curiosity. "You know, those two could do the same."

"Huh?" Shikamaru looks over at them. "Them too?"

"Sasuke!" Shiroi exclaims, standing abruptly. He and Takeshi join us. Sasuke just smirks triumphantly, making Shiroi falter. "You – weren't supposed to say," he mutters. "Y'know, since we're trying to keep it down…"

"Come on, Shiroi. You've seen how it is… None of Naruto's friends have shunned him for being gay—"

"Although we might like to," Shikamaru adds.

"—so you've got nothing to worry about. You said you felt locked in, right?"

"Yeah, but I mean…" He musters up a glare, but Sasuke fends it off easily, like he's used to Shiroi by now. I glance from one to the other, feeling oddly distant.

Takeshi takes Shiroi's hand and grips it firmly. "Shir… I think it's okay."

Shiroi looks up at him.

"We've always complained about how silent we have to be about it, right? We're free to express ourselves here. We can open our hearts." He kisses him hard, then draws back to look into Shiroi's eyes.

Shiroi smiles and gives in. "Okay."

Shikamaru makes gagging noises.

—

Finally, at five, we all traipse back into the building, covered in paint, exhausted and happy. Amidst the other rounds we managed to startle three other enemies through unexpected gay kissing, execute two epic secret agent missions and one botched one, and capture one more flag than Yukio's team. I watch Sasuke, Shiroi, and Takeshi carefully, trying to sort it all out. Shikamaru manages to obliviously send out me and Takeshi alone together a couple more times, which results in some awkward comments from Takeshi. Thankfully he doesn't endeavour to do anything more than basic touch-teasing, which I fend off with a firm wrist grab or shoulder push, though still laughing nervously all the while so as not to offend him because somehow, despite the extreme awkwardness, he's a lot of fun to be around. After studying Sasuke and Shiroi's conversations for a while I manage to surmise that they just have a lot they can talk about, and Sasuke's found in Shiroi a very similar person and a great friend. I smile to myself. Sasuke's never been that close to my group. Comfortable, perhaps, but there's a barrier. Maybe what he really needs is a solid, platonic friendship. I can give him something bigger than that, but sometimes you need small things too.

By the end we're all tired of sneaking around and we're running out of new tactics, so we just charge at each other yelling and shooting and a lot more people go down and Yukio's team wins by default once by killing us all.

Then we all say our goodbyes. We do a handshake row, each person shaking the hand of each of his opponents. I come to Yukio last, and we bump fists.

"You may have won this battle, Uzumaki," he grins, "but not the war."

"Ha. We'll need to do this again sometime to sort that one out."

Yukio laughs. "We'll see. Just so long as you 'n' Uchiha stop pullin' the make-out card."

I chuckle too. "We'll see."

* * *

If I were more clever, Shikamaru would have made up a seriously Shikamaru-worthy plan. But I'm not, so it's simple tactics from me.

By the way... Shir is a totally fictitious nickname which would not work at all in the Japanese language. But this is an English fanfic and I think it's cute, so shh.

At this point Two Face has passed 200,000 words. Here's the blurb I wrote at the time:

So many times I think to myself, "I should have done this better", "I missed that opportunity to write a really awesome scene", "What if my friends find out I write smut?", "What if I meet one of my fans in real life?", "I'm not even legal age yet!", "How the hell am I still full of inspiration for this when I can't even write an original story?", "As if I've put this much effort into a pairing that isn't even mine!", "Why am I so into yaoi?", and just "What the hell?"...

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't something seriously wrong with me. Then I remember that I _know_ there are things wrong with me. I know, too, that a lot of this is somewhat normal. Puberty comes earlier than legal age does, and teens think about sex a lot (not just guys... I bet the majority of us can vouch for that!). I should probably move my original writing focus from fantasy to romance, because I like writing about relationships and angst.

Two Face is a story built off a fandom. At first it was Naruto and Sasuke, as I saw them, modified to fit their environment (high school students instead of ninjas). Then their situations and experiences evolved them. They're not really Naruto and Sasuke anymore, although they go by the same names and look similar and know the same people. But they know different people too. They know each other. They've really become my own characters. In a way, they're parts of me. My writing always reveals things I feel, worry about, wonder about. I believe that lack of communication is what breaks relationships, so I make them talk, even if I wouldn't in real life myself. Naruto is exceedingly girly because I'm writing in first person and I'm a girl. They avoid fighting like the plague because I'm a shy pushover who agrees with everyone just to avoid fighting. In the end, I'm writing for myself. I'm getting my feelings out into the world, whether consciously or not. I'm fulfilling my non-canon fantasies, putting Naruto and Sasuke into the situations I want to see. Isn't that all we want, in the end, as fanfiction writers?

Forgive me for ranting. Sometimes I feel bad about putting so much meaning into a fanfiction, which will never get physically published due to legal issues as well as the fact that it's only good in amateur standards. A work based off someone else's characters. A simple pouring out of my heart into pixels that make words and somehow have meaning. Other times I feel absolutely ecstatic. My wonderful beta, TheWitchBaby, has a tendency to use her psychological studies to over-analyze Two Face, which I love. It's always great to see that you're subconsciously adding an intense deeper meaning into your writing. A big thanks also to all my numerous betas over time - Amblurance, who helps out with me and Witch currently, and everyone else who's had to drop out for various reasons - Deb, Kit, Chro, and of course wonderful Mi who was with me for so long. Two Face would never be nearly as successful without you.

I think that, somehow in all of that, I meant to thank all you readers out there. Thank you for reading about my hopes and fears. Thank you for taking part in my ideas, for confirming my existence. Thank you for your kind comments and your dedication, whether that means glancing at the first chapter or staying up late to read the entire thing and adding the story to your favourites. Thanks for loving these two and supporting them through everything they've gone through. Thanks for supporting me. Thanks for everything.

R+F


	69. Poker

When Sasuke and I get home, we toss all our clothes in the washer. The paint's supposed to wash easily, but you never really know, so we wore old stuff just to be safe. Then, our arms and legs and necks and faces still colourful, we pile into the shower.

"Look at this," I mutter, glancing down at my body. "I'm covered in bruises."

"They're gonna be worse tomorrow," says Sasuke, tracing a line of them across my chest. "No death-grips tonight, agreed?"

I smile and move in closer. "There's no guarantee of that."

I lean in for a kiss. He allows it for a moment before pushing me away, holding the soap bottle between us. "Wait until we get the paint off, at least."

"Fine." I pump a little soap onto my hand, then bring it to the back of his neck, where the paint begins to run into the soap, streaking red down his skin.

Sasuke grabs the scrubbing pouf, puts soap on it, and works it into a foam before motioning for me to turn around. I do so, leaning against the wall, and let him scrub my back. It's like a massage, at the same time working away all the itches in my skin. He rubs in circles with the pouf, his other hand smoothing down my arm, around my waist, caressing the soft skin of my stomach, his fingers occasionally teasing my nipples. I abandon myself to his touch, completely comfortable with everything he does, not feeling ticklish in the least when he touches my ribs and the insides of my thighs. He takes a moment to pump my growing erection briefly, then pulls me flush against him, leaning back against the wall, and hooks his chin over my shoulder so he can scrub my front.

I sigh in contentment and melt into him, feeling our bodies fit together like yin and yang. His attentions are heavenly, pampering my skin, his touch sending pleasant shivers along my nerves. Feeling his member standing at attention, hot against my back, I roll my hips into him, working a breathless hiss out from between his teeth. I turn around, take the pouf from his hands, and proceed to return the favour, scrubbing the paint from his body, pressed up against him skin on skin, dancing in tandem to music only we can hear as the water washes away the day's dirt.

Sasuke's hand falls from its firm grip on my side, and then the water shuts off. I manage to take a second to register these two events in my consciousness as being connected before Sasuke drags me out of the shower stall with a touch that demands we get the hell into the bedroom. I don't resist him, grabbing the towel and quickly but thoroughly drying myself off, rubbing at my hair just long enough to make sure it doesn't drip, then waiting impatiently for Sasuke to do the same (it takes longer for him because his hair's longer than mine). Then he shoves the towel onto its bar and pulls himself flush against me, walking us around the corner into the bedroom somewhat awkwardly, but with a wonderful friction that makes my cock twitch in anticipation.

He practically tosses me onto the futon, tumbling down after me and immediately attacking my neck with an open mouth. I hiss and squirm and groan beneath him as he suckles at my pulse, drags his fingers over my skin, rolls his hips slow and long and hard, shooting shivers down my spine as I struggle to breathe under his combined efforts. I free my hands enough to bind his torso in a fierce hug, clutching him close, as close as physically possible, so close my fingertips hurt from the grip and I can feel his back bruising. I push my knees apart and raise my legs and clamp them around his waist and grind into him desperately, desperately, feeling nothing but a burning need to feel _him_.

"Nnh-Naruto," Sasuke gasps, his lips still brushing against the spot under my jaw, "slow down, Naru, you're gonna – fuck – make me come." Despite his words, his hips still press down on mine, reaching for that bliss.

"Actions speak louder – haah – than words," I breathe with a smirk, then add as he lets out an unrestrained moan, "and so do involuntary vocal emissions."

"Unnh – Naruto – wait, dobe." With obvious difficulty he wrenches himself away, scrambling back until a couple feet of space is between us.

"You're afraid of ending too fast?" I ask, amused.

"It would spoil the fun," he pants, catching his breath. "I want to do this right."

"We can do it right another time." I get onto all fours, crouch low, and advance towards him, between his parted legs. "What if I just want you to come now?"

He leans back as I slide over his body, making sure to rub against his cock the entire time, until he has to lie down and I press our mouths together. I caress his hip with a gentle palm even as I rock my hips back and forth against his.

"If you wanted me to come now, you'd be kissing down there and not up here," he smirks, raising an eyebrow for emphasis. I chuckle and take the hint.

I just observe his heavy need for almost a full minute, smoothing my hand slowly up and down the inside of his thigh, watching the erection twitch under my gaze. Then I grab it and pull and squeeze sharply at the same time, earning a cry of something that could be either pain or pleasure. Probably both, at this point. I spare him the torture (as well as myself, because I'm getting fairly impatient too) and wrap my lips around the head.

Sasuke groans his relief and his hips twitch upwards, pushing a little more of his cock into my mouth. I glance up at his enraptured face, then pump the base of the shaft with my hand while I lick the head over and over again, occasionally pressing at the slit. He pants and moans and tosses his head, frantically muttering, _Naruto, Naruto,_ and then he drags me off of him with a great effort.

"What now?"

"Swing your body around," he says, motioning. I raise an eyebrow, but do as he says, turning so that my knees are on either side of his head before returning to my task, suddenly able to suck him off at a completely different angle. At first I think that this is what he wanted me to turn around for, but then a thought strikes me a split second before heat engulfs my own cock.

My senses overload. The taste and smell of his precome assuage me from this side even as that slick warmth creates a vacuum around my erection. I can feel his teeth grazing the hardened member, his tongue pressing against the skin, his cheeks hollowed. His hand reaches up and I shudder almost violently as fingers tug at my balls. I nearly keel over with the barrage of sensations. Instead I come powerfully into his sucking mouth.

Panting from the exertion, I stand trembling on all fours, my lungs trying to catch up on the sudden upsurge in oxygen demand. I dimly register Sasuke moving under me. I _clearly_ register him draping himself on top of me, pressing his hard-on against my ass.

"Mmh," I murmur, as he tugs on my ear with his lips, grinding into me with the added lubrication of my saliva.

"Hn," he scoffs. "For all that you're supposed to be good at endurance, you always come before I do."

"It's your fault for being such a turn-on," I retort, gradually finding the energy to rock back into him. "And my endurance kicks in with the fact that I'm gonna be ready for another round in a couple of minutes."

He rolls his eyes before dragging his fingers through my hair at the same time as he clamps his teeth down on the nape of my neck, jolting blood back into my member. "Alright, dobe, whatever you say. Where's the lube?"

"Nngh," I grunt in reply, reaching a hand under the futon. "Oi, gimme some room here."

I twist out of his grasp and grope until my fingers secure themselves around the tube. Returning to lie back on the sheets, I put a hand on the back of his neck and pull him into another kiss as he relieves me of the lube and flicks the cap open.

"It's a bit of a shame, though," he murmurs as he squeezes some of the substance onto his hand, "about all the condoms you bought that we'll never use."

"If you're that disappointed we can use them, but I hear it's better without them."

"Yeah, and who told you that?"

"Ugh, some chick at the Stoneheads about a year ago. She might've been high."

His brow rises in amusement even as he begins to rub my entrance with his slicked fingers. "You're taking the word of a stoned clubber? Believing something you heard when you yourself were most likely drunk?"

"Well, no – I mean, yes – fuck," I add as he kisses my cheek lightly and dips a fingertip inside, "but it makes sense, y'know? Like, if I touch you, you feel it more if there're no clothes between our skin."

"I see." Sasuke slides his finger in, and all my limbs twitch inwards impulsively at the feeling of intrusion. "You know what I think, Naruto?"

"Haah – what?"

"I think you talk too much."

He curls his finger. My whole body shudders, the ring of muscles around his finger contracting violently. Sasuke's lips thin into a smirk and he strokes the spot slowly, carefully. I sigh into his mouth.

"My turn to impart a little trivia," he whispers, pulling out his finger just to re-insert two. "This little gland right _here_—" he pushes on it, and I drag my nails down his back "—is the prostate. I hear stimulating it brings immense pleasure."

"You heard right," I breathe. "S-Sasuke, I appreciate the – ahh! – what you're doing right now, but c'n you h-hurry it up?"

He smiles softly and nods, then adds a third finger, his face taking on an expression of concentration as he focuses on stretching me. Once again I will myself to relax, to surrender all control, surrender my body to him. It doesn't help that I'm shivering with impatience. It does help when he finally pulls his fingers away, quickly slicks his member, and sits back.

"Here goes," he says, the head of his erection lining up with my entrance. I inhale deeply, then let myself go as the air leaves my lungs. Just at that moment, Sasuke presses forward.

I close my eyes, willing it not to hurt, telling myself over and over like a mantra: breathe deeply, relax your body, and be calm. It hurts all the same, just as it did the first time, throbbing with that burning, stretching, filling feeling. Sasuke's touch is shaky yet delicate on my cheek, and my heart swells as his body presses against mine.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come," he gasps, trembling, struggling to stay on all fours. "Don't move."

I stay as still as I can, as he steadies himself, my eyes fixed on his face as he slowly backs away from the edge of orgasm. My muscles want nothing more than to clench around the intrusion that throbs hotly inside of me, but I take deep breaths, synchronizing with his, and after a minute he begins to move.

"Remember – mmn – this feeling," he whispers brokenly into my ear. "Feel it. Feel me. Pay close attention. Remember this always."

I feel him – I feel his skin, his heat; I feel the friction between us and the way he fills me, then pulls back, then fills me again; I feel his sides under my fingertips, his waist between my legs, his hair tickling my face. I feel hot sweat drip from his forehead onto mine, mingling with my own perspiration, running down the sides of my face. I feel his breath washing over me, his lips brushing mine, his taste filling my mouth, his voice filtering into my ears. I feel his gaze, his eyes locking with mine in an unbreakable bond; I feel his presence, above me, around me, _inside_ me.

I feel him pulsing within me. I feel him pick up his pace, striking that one sweet spot with every thrust. I feel my muscles contracting around him, and then I feel his very essence spill into me. I feel the way he reaches for that last drop of ecstasy, how he finally falls from his high, how he collapses onto me and reaches for my aching erection and, almost as soon as he touches me, takes me to orgasm.

I feel my body frantically working oxygen back into me. I feel my consciousness slipping, darkness creeping in at the edges. I feel Sasuke's kiss, and his smile, and his touch. I feel, stronger than anything, a solid and pure bond that holds us together.

I feel alive.

—

On Thursday, Takeshi unexpectedly calls my cellphone and invites us over to hang with him and Shiroi in his apartment. He gives us an address and we leave as soon as we're showered and clothed.

When we knock on Takeshi's door, we hear from inside a muffled crash, a curse, and hurried footsteps before the latch on the door clicks and it opens. Takeshi stands there looking distinctly ruffled, his fluffy hair dishevelled (as if that were even possible) and the collar of his shirt nearly reaching his shoulder. He notices our stares and hurriedly pulls it straight.

"Hi," he says, laughing sheepishly. "Uh, come on in. I'll make some tea."

He directs us to the living room before heading for the kitchen. There, sitting on a large beanbag chair, is Shiroi, who says hi to us. We take the couch – or rather, I sit normally on one side and Sasuke puts his feet up and leans on me, taking up the rest – and I can't help noticing that Shiroi's cheeks are slightly pink and one of his socks is lying on the floor.

Shiroi glances in the direction of the kitchen, then back at us. Sasuke raises an eyebrow and a corner of his mouth, and Shiroi immediately lowers his head, flushing a little darker.

"No one's around until late tonight," he says, "so we've got the place to ourselves."

"Does that explain your appearance?" asks Sasuke.

"Maybe," he replies cryptically.

Sasuke laughs. "Did we interrupt you?"

"…Maybe," he says again, even more cryptically.

"Well ex_cuse_ us for being invited, then."

"You're excused," says Shiroi, and they both laugh. Glancing over at Sasuke, I see in his eyes a rare expression, a kind of easy comfort that isn't quite the same as his comfort around me. Though there's still something blocked about the way he interacts with Shiroi, he is nevertheless open and relaxed, in a different way than I'm used to. I glance at Shiroi to see a similar look on his face. It's like nothing really matters to them, and they're happy that way.

A little confused, I pull my arm out from under Sasuke's back and put it around his middle. He immediately snuggles closer to my body and lays a hand on top of mine, sweet affection radiating from his touch. My soul soothed, I close my eyes and smile. Yes, there's a distinct difference between platonic friendship and the relationship between me and Sasuke. Shiroi and I understand Sasuke in different ways. Maybe what bothers me is the idea that Shiroi might know something about Sasuke that I don't. But I really shouldn't worry – I know so much about Sasuke, after all, and I'd be being too selfish and self-important, wanting him all to myself. After all, I remind myself with a twinge of guilt, I'm making a hypocrite of myself with Takeshi.

"Tea," Takeshi announces, walking in with a tray holding a teapot and four cups. We each take one, and he sets the tray on the ground before sitting cross-legged on the back of the beanbag chair, behind Shiroi's head. Neither of them makes a move to get closer to the other, seeming content enough to stay where they are.

"So, what's been up lately with our favourite gay guys?" he asks, grinning.

I chuckle, and Sasuke smiles appreciatively. "Not much," he replies. "Just relaxing, you know."

"Yeah, I hear getting it on takes a lot of energy," Takeshi jokes. I roll my eyes, trying to hide my embarrassment, but Sasuke doesn't even bat an eyelash.

"Well," I say loudly, setting down my cup on the end table next to me, "considering we've all seen each other about a hundred times since we met last week, there isn't exactly much to talk about. I mean, I could tell you about when Sasuke fell off a cliff, or—"

"He _what_?" Shiroi says incredulously.

"Don't worry, it was into water, but – ha!" I laugh, and Sasuke twists around to glare at me. I grab the top of his head and turn it back around, then continue, "Well we're trying to get rid of his fear of heights, so we jump off cliffs around the lake near his house. But he got too close to the edge and wasn't paying attention and, well, let's just say it was a close shave."

Sasuke shudders. I slip my thumb under his shirt and rub circles around his hipbone. "That's why I don't like heights," he mutters darkly.

No one has any sympathy for him. I feel strangely triumphant at this. Never does Sasuke show weakness or give me any reason to doubt his superiority and perfection. To be able to mock him openly is something I always strived for before we started dating, and often after as well. I'd probably never let him live it down if I wasn't trying to help him get over it.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Takeshi tells Sasuke. "Shir screamed at a spider once."

"They've got so many legs!" Shiroi says defensively.

Takeshi smirks. "See?"

"Well d'you want me to tell them about your fear of—"

"Wait, no! Stop!"

" 'Oh god they're gonna kill me in my sleep!' " Shiroi wails mockingly, as Takeshi leaps on him. " 'Nooooo!' "

"What, monsters?" I guess. "Vampires? Zombies? Ninjas?"

"He can't sleep without a night light."

"The dark?" Sasuke tries.

"Dammit!" Takeshi says, covering Shiroi's mouth with both hands. Shiroi just laughs and waits for his boyfriend to get off of him, which he does eventually, still pouting.

"What about you, Naruto? Are you afraid of anything?"

"Afraid? Not really," I say, thinking about it.

"You're too reckless to be afraid," says Sasuke. "You fear sensible things, like pain and loneliness. The usual stuff."

"Yeah."

"I know you have a weakness, though," he smirks.

I frown at him. "Huh?"

He sits up and faces me. Then he grins wickedly and, before I can move an inch, jabs my sides with his fingers. I practically leap into the air, but he's upon me, tickling me everywhere, and all I can do is thrash and laugh under his attack. I wriggle and twist and kick, but he's relentless, and then more hands join in and I tumble off the couch and everything hurts from laughing and being tickled so much. I don't even know when they stop. I just know that it seems like ages before I'm finally let alone, and then I flinch as Sasuke drapes himself over me, but he touches me softly now, in places that relax me as opposed to tickle spots. He props himself up on his elbows and just smiles at me.

"Bastard," I wheeze, still panting.

"I love you too, dobe," he replies pleasantly.

Shiroi asks, "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" says Sasuke idly, stroking the scars on my cheek.

"How are you so… comfortable? I mean, we're right here, and yet it's like you don't even notice you're being watched. Doesn't it make you feel weird? I get really self conscious when we so much as hold hands," he admits, and Takeshi nods his agreement.

I turn my head to look at them. They sit casually, with no part of either of their bodies making contact. It's almost as if they go out of their way to stay apart.

"You know what?" says Sasuke.

"What?"

"I think we need to loosen you two up."

They look slightly alarmed at this.

"L-loosen…?" Shiroi repeats apprehensively.

I nod. "Yeah. You're just too used to pretending you're just friends. We need to force you to interact."

"But…"

"Have you got a deck of cards?" Sasuke asks Takeshi.

"Yeah…?"

"And some clothes we can borrow? Hats, accessories, and anything easy to layer."

"Uh… yeah. Shir, come help me." And they go off to grab some clothes.

"Cards and clothes? What are we going to do?" I ask.

Sasuke smiles knowingly. "We're gonna play poker."

—

They come back with armfuls of clothing. Takeshi informs us that he's turned the air conditioning colder, and then we pile on the hats and gloves and socks and sweaters and jackets. By the time we finish we all look fairly absurd, wearing slippers over socks or wrapping ourselves in scarves, sitting in a square on the living room floor dressed for the coldest winter, minus shoes.

"Alright," says Sasuke, dealing the cards with difficulty because he's wearing mittens. "We're playing simple poker here – you get five cards, you can switch up to three, then we reveal our hands."

We make sure we're all in agreement about the various ranking hands, then start playing.

"Why poker?" asks Takeshi, replacing two cards in his hand.

"You'll see," he says simply, switching one of his cards.

In the end, Sasuke has three of a kind, while Takeshi and I have a pair each and Shiroi only has a high card.

"You win," I say to Sasuke. "So what happens now?"

"It's not about who wins," he says, shaking his head. "It's about who loses."

We all turn to Shiroi, who watches Sasuke nervously.

"Take off the coat," Sasuke instructs him.

Frowning in confusion, Shiroi does so, tossing it onto the couch. "Okay, now what?"

"Now we play another round."

He blinks. "Huh?"

But suddenly the light dawns on me, and I gape at Sasuke. He catches my expression and smirks.

"Strip poker?" I exclaim.

Two jaws drop open. Sasuke can only smirk wider.

"What?"

"No way!"

"Calm down," Sasuke says. "It'll get you guys more comfortable with stuff like this. We're all guys, all dating people within this group. I think it's safe to say there's a high degree of comfort between us all, in a way not many people experience. So can we just stop worrying and play?"

Takeshi and Takeshi exchange glances. They seem to ponder for a while, but between them I don't sense that wordless communication that goes on between me and Sasuke. Their relationship runs long and deep, but not as fully as ours. They've blocked parts away, so they haven't learned to trust each other in the same way we have. And I can't blame them.

But finally Takeshi nods and Shiroi turns to Sasuke and says, "Okay, let's play."

—

It's quite a few rounds before any of us get down to somewhere near what we were wearing before we put on all those extra layers. A large pile of discarded clothes has spilled off the couch onto the floor. In the long run, it seems Shiroi just had bad luck at the start, 'cause now he's winning, with Sasuke only one point behind; he's still got socks on, and Shiroi's sporting a light sweater and a fedora. Takeshi and I are both down to nothing but our shirts and pants. Thankfully for me, he loses the next round.

"Time to strip," Shiroi smirks at him. Takeshi mutters darkly under his breath and reluctantly drags off his shirt. I watch, almost entranced – I'd forgotten until now how well-built he is, lean but strong. The only other time I saw him shirtless was at the beach, and at that time I was distracted by it being Sasuke's birthday and the present I was about to give him.

A finger pokes my cheek. I jump back and glare accusingly at the attacker, who happens to be Sasuke.

"Hey, no staring at other boys," he teases, though there's an edge to his voice.

"You can't blame him," Shiroi says in my defence. "After all, Takeshi's gonna be doing some staring of his own once Naruto loses the next round."

"Who says I'll lose the next round?" I retort.

He shrugs. "Let's see."

And, to my great annoyance, he ends up being right.

"Off with the shirt," says Sasuke matter-of-factly; then, when I don't move, "unless you want to take off your pants, of course."

"N-no!"

He reaches over and tugs at my sleeve; I swat his hand away. "Come on, it's not like we haven't seen it all before."

"Maybe _you_ have," I snap, "but—"

"Well there was the time we went swimming," Shiroi reminds me.

"You were against playing this game not too long ago," I say.

"We changed our minds. Strip!"

Sasuke attacks me, tackling me to the ground. I fight, but he slips a hand under my shirt, rubbing my skin slowly, and I exhale loudly despite my best efforts to stay focused. He traps my legs, then jerks the shirt up my torso, forces my head through it, then wrenches it off my arms. I immediately hug myself for protection.

"Stop being stubborn, usuratonkachi," says Sasuke. He takes advantage of my arms being occupied and brings his face so close to mine I can count his eyelashes. My eyes automatically begin to close as I anticipate the brush of his lips, but then he slides a hand around the back of my head and runs a thumb behind my ear, knowing the gesture will practically melt me. I shiver, my eyelids fluttering, then reluctantly drop my arms.

"Fucking tease," I breathe against his lips.

"It worked." He sits back, and Takeshi wolf-whistles. I laugh awkwardly. I'm used to the fact that Sasuke likes my body, but to be admired by anyone else is partly mortifying and partly flattering. Takeshi raises his hand for a high five, and (despite the fact that losing isn't exactly something to be proud of) I reach out to hit his hand; but he loses his balance as he lunges forward, then tips into Shiroi. Shiroi automatically moves to catch him, but his hand slides against Takeshi's front and his breath hitches and he lands nearly on top of Shiroi.

Sasuke snickers, and I laugh too, calling, "Yeah, let's see some action!" Takeshi and Takeshi both flush, but Shiroi, in a burst of courage or recklessness or both, grabs Takeshi's head and presses their mouths together. Takeshi looks mortified for a moment, but before long he relaxes into his boyfriend's touch. I smile, and Sasuke's hand covers mine, and I see a look on his face that tells me he's just as happy for them as I am. His eyes twinkle at me. I nod knowingly, and he leans in for a sweet kiss.

* * *

I didn't realize I was in chapter 69 until I put the header on it. Then I laughed. And I titled it "AHAHAhahahaha" because I was feeling immature. And then I nearly forgot to give it a real title. And then I decided it was a good chapter to have their first 69 in. On one hand, it's kinda sad that it took this long, but on the other, they did get it on before that… also, pacing is good for you.

R+F


	70. Mine

-Imitates Finding Nemo seagulls-

* * *

Takeshi and Takeshi become our summer buddies, in a way. When Sasuke and I aren't taking walks around the lake or getting it on at home or just lying around in each other's company, we're out with the name twins, watching movies, bus- and train-hopping, or fooling around in Takeshi's apartment. He and Shiroi quickly become more open about their relationship, finding the courage to kiss each other or play fight or touch when we're around, and we take this as an excuse to engage in some of our own physical interaction. Sometimes when I think about it's weird to be this open, but in the end I can only say I'm happy for them for becoming more comfortable.

We meet Takeshi's mom and brother, who greet us with enthusiasm, saying something about him and Shiroi finally having like-minded peers. Takeshi's brother, who's at least twenty, looks like an older version of him – taller, more mature, and, most of all, hotter. It kinda helps me get my mind off of Takeshi, at least to a certain extent, making the attraction less personal and more on a physical basis. All things considered, it makes life easier for me somehow.

Speaking of physical attraction, a pastime that quickly becomes a group favourite is something the name twins call "hunting." It's basically looking for hot guys and sometimes girls. (It relieves me to know I'm still capable of considering a girl hot, even if I'm not actually attracted to them. Despite my reassurance to Yukio that I am quite comfortable with being gay, I'm glad I can still cling to the past like this.) Sasuke tends to be quieter during this activity, trailing along behind the three of us as we whisper and chuckle to ourselves while attempting to be inconspicuous. When I ask him why, he just tells me, "I'm not attracted to anyone but you, dobe."

"That's ridiculous," I say. "You must see the physical attractiveness of _someone_ out there besides me. Just because I'm special to you doesn't mean I'm the only one you find hot."

"Then I'm just not interested in finding someone else who's hot."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Come on, teme. It's a game. It's not like we're planning to go elope with a random guy or girl we see."

He just shrugs. I don't really feel like playing after that.

—

One day I convince Sasuke to have Takeshi and Takeshi over at his place for once, because they've been so nice to let us visit them all these times. We can't go to Shiroi's place because his parents don't approve of any of us really, so Takeshi's is the only place we can be if we're not out.

Takeshi and Takeshi are just as astounded by the house when they arrive as I was, gawking at its size and all the rooms Sasuke has. He give a general explanation of why he doesn't go in most of them, and so we stick to the places Sasuke and I usually hang out, minus the bedroom, because Sasuke and I both feel it's a very private place for us – and we haven't washed the sheets very recently. So, basically, the kitchen and dining room and the living room.

Lately we've had a lot of strange conversations for some reason, and surprisingly we're not so put off by them. Topics like sexual stuff and our idea of romance come up regularly, passing through our conversations as though there's no difference between them and any old subject. At first hanging out always resulted in embarrassed laughing and a ton of really awkward silences, but now those hardly exist anymore, appearing only fleetingly in our minds or when we reminisce about how uncomfortable we used to be talking about this stuff.

We also play some extremely outgoing social games. Strip poker becomes a regular with us, as do Twister and other activities that put us in compromising situations. My relations with my few good friends have always been incredibly casual; now Sasuke and I talk with Takeshi and Takeshi like we've all known each other forever. I'm constantly amazed by how open we are, how different this is from any friendship I've had, save the one with Sasuke, and even that has its own nuances and subtleties that separate it so much from this group attitude.

Our game today is truth or dare. Over the past few days we've each come up with a list of possible questions or dares, alone and in our respective pairs, and written them all on slips of paper. Then we separate the truths and dares and put them in two different bags. Now as we play, we draw a card each round; the lowest card loses and the loser has to choose truth or dare and the winner pulls out a prompt for them.

Sasuke draws the lowest card in the first round, and chooses truth. Shiroi pulls out a slip from the bag.

"Oh, I wrote this one," he says. " 'Have you ever sucked off your partner?' "

Sasuke raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Yes. What would you have done if you or Takeshi had to answer that?"

"Then I wouldn't have learned anything. There's a fifty percent chance. I guess I was lucky."

"I knew that already," Takeshi says. "Didn't you?"

"I must not have been paying attention during that conversation."

"Oh, wait, that was when you were staring at that chick with the two-inch skirt. Okay."

I chuckle, amused at how lenient Takeshi and Takeshi are about their significant other's interests in other people. I guess it takes a really strong mutual trust to be that open.

"Don't laugh so soon," says Sasuke, pointing at the new round of cards we just flipped. I glance at mine and groan. He just says, "Truth or dare?"

I consider. "Truth."

Sasuke reads from the next slip, " 'What is your favourite nickname your partner calls you?' "

"Oh man, you call me all sorts of random shit," I laugh. "God, you're never gonna let me live this one down."

"Out with it," says Takeshi, "you've got to tell the truth."

"…Naru."

Sasuke smirks in triumph. Takeshi and Takeshi instantly chorus, "Awwwww!"

"That's so _cuuuute_!" Takeshi says in a mock-fangirl voice.

"Oh, shut up," I snap. "I answered the question, can we move on?"

"Sure thing, _Naru_," says Sasuke innocently. I hit him.

Takeshi loses the next round, and chooses dare. His mission is to "squeal like a fangirl over someone who is not your partner" – which means either me or Sasuke. Well, since it's Takeshi, it isn't too much of an act. He gasps, puts his hands over his mouth, and bats his eyelashes.

"Oh my _gosh_," he shrieks, "it's Naruto-kun! Ooh, Naruto-kun, you are _so_ hot! I think I'm in _love_! Will you, umm, Naruto-kun, will you go out with me? Take me on a date, pretty please?"

The room is howling with laughter. My sides hurting from laughing so much, I manage to wheeze out a joking yes. Takeshi lets out a piercing squeal of glee and grabs my arms and practically glomps me in a perfect impression of an obsessed fangirl, chittering, fawning over me. Shiroi's in tears. Even Sasuke laughs at my "misfortune."

It seems the prompts only get better as we go on. We weed out most of the innocent ones at the beginning, quickly encountering more and more blackmail-type material – it turns out Shiroi's favourite spot to get licked is right behind the ear, and I have to pretend to be a hooker and try to convince Shiroi to give me a job, and I learn that Sasuke's watched porn.

"What?" I exclaim.

"It – it was research!" he retorts, holding his hands up in defence. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was just – looking up sex, and – fuck—"

Takeshi and Takeshi are laughing their asses off again. I stare dumbfounded at Sasuke, whose face is redder than a tomato.

"You were researching sex?" Shiroi chokes out.

"Well – well how else do you find out about it? It's not like anyone was about to tell me how you get it on with another guy!"

"…When exactly was this?" I ask.

He blinks, then looks away quickly, flushing even darker. "Before Christmas."

"Are you fucking _serious_?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Don't be too hard on him," says Takeshi, though he still can't control his laughter. "If one of you didn't know about it you probably woulda been screwed. Or not screwed, in this case." He sniggers again.

"…True…" I do recall being thankful that one of us had some inkling as to how to go about it all. I mean, they kinda tell you about sex in physical education class, but I don't think they really say anything like "put this in there and move until you come," and certainly they don't even think to mention gay sex. All the same, it feels weird to think that Sasuke's watched porn.

"Where the hell do you even get gay porn?"

"Dobe, half the internet is porn. It's actually really disturbing."

"Oh _god_." I cover my face with my hands, trying not to think about it. "Oh fucking hell."

Shiroi coughs. "I think, for everyone's sake, we ought to move on."

And so we do. Shiroi stages an epic improvised suicide, Takeshi's forced to tell us about the time he and Shiroi were nearly caught grinding by his mom, and I get dared to dance. Of course, this is hardly a challenge. I plug my iPod into the speakers, put on one of my solo dance numbers, and go all-out.

"Whoa," says Takeshi when I sit back down again, panting. "I didn't know you could dance like that!"

"You never asked," I grin. "Teme can dance too, though not as well as yours truly, of course."

"Obviously," Sasuke says, rolling his eyes. Then he adds, "Naruto's planning to go study dance in England."

"What, really?"

I look away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Yeah, well, Sasuke says there's a scholarship I qualify for. I… don't really want to leave."

"You've got to," Sasuke murmurs.

I don't answer. I don't want to discuss this in front of Takeshi and Takeshi.

"Can you teach me to dance?" asks Takeshi, apparently oblivious – or maybe he's just trying to lighten the mood. Either way, I'm thankful. "I mean, Shir and I go to dance clubs sometimes but I've never done choreographed stuff. It looks like so much fun."

"Huh? Oh, sure, anytime. Except for now, 'cause I wanna keep playing."

Takeshi loses the next round. His dare is to kiss someone of the opposite pair. On the lips.

"_What_?" says Sasuke, grabbing the paper and staring at it. "Who wrote that?"

"I did." Shiroi shrugs. "I thought it would be amusing. I mean, I don't see why not."

"Why not? Why _would_ you?"

I glance uncomfortably from Sasuke, who's frowning, to Takeshi, who's watching me with a spark in his eye. He opens his mouth to speak. "Naruto—"

"No," says Sasuke flatly.

"Sasuke—" I begin, but he silences me with a glare. Tentatively I put a hand on his, and the intensity in his eyes dies down a little. "Sasuke, can we… talk?"

He pauses for a fraction of a second before nodding, and we stand. I glance apologetically at the other two, mouth, "Sorry," then quickly herd Sasuke to the bedroom.

"What the hell?" Sasuke hisses, as quietly as possible, as soon as the door's closed. "What the fuck was he thinking? It's like he _wants_ Takeshi to cheat on him!"

"Sasuke, calm down," I murmur, trying to convey some sense of urgency while still keeping my voice down.

"_Calm down_?" he repeats, his tone incredulous.

"He couldn't have predicted Takeshi would get that dare. It could have been any of us."

"It doesn't matter who it was! I don't want to kiss either of them and I especially don't want them kissing _you_!"

He slumps with his back against the wall, then sinks to the floor, holding his head in his hands. I watch him, frozen, anxiety lacing my veins. Sasuke never gets this agitated.

Carefully I crouch down in front of him. I can't see his face; he's buried it behind his knees. I extend an arm and rub his back gently. He gradually relaxes his death grip on his hair and his fingers creep up my arms, reaching for me. I crawl in between his feet and huddle close to him, letting him hold me tightly, knowing inside that he's the one who needs this comfort, not me.

"Naruto," he breathes, desperate, "you're my life. Can't you see that?"

I swallow hard, but it does nothing to dissolve the lump in my throat. I hug him back, fiercely, though my strength can't match his.

"You've got so much. You have other friends. You have Kyuubi to deal with. You're always doing something. I only have you. You're everything to me, can't you see? When you're gone, I'm lost. Whenever I write, I end up writing about you. I want you next to me every minute. But that's impossible. I can't lock you up like that."

I have no words, because it's true and I can't deny it. My breath is coming in shakily, my heart pounding against his chest, his against mine.

"I'm… I'm scared," he says, his voice so thin it disappears altogether in some places. I can feel dampness on my shoulder where he's buried his face. "I'm scared you'll leave me. You have a future. You're meant to do things. You're going to do things. And you're going to leave me."

"Don't – I'm not going to—"

"You have to! I'm not your life, Naruto, but you're mine. Do you know how much it hurts to know I'm not your everything?" His voice cracks as he chokes out, "I don't want you to go away. I don't want to give you the freedom to find someone else while we're apart. Do you know how jealous I get when Takeshi is around? I hate it – I want to hate him, but I can't! There's nothing I can do. I can't stop you from living your life. I can't make Takeshi stop liking you."

"Sasuke, please, don't," I beg. "I don't want to leave you. Never, never ever. I'm yours, Sasuke, there's no one else."

"I know you're mine," he breathes. "Only mine. It's me being yours that's the problem."

"S-so find something," I say weakly, trying to find a way to say it right. "You and Shiroi have a lot in common, right? And what about your goal to find Itachi? Isn't that more important than anything?"

"I can't even begin to hope I might find Itachi for another year at least," he mutters, frustration layering his words. "And all the while, the importance of that dwindles, because you're here and now and I can feel you. But you're going to move on, and I'll be stuck here. I'm stuck in the past. Itachi is my past. My family is my past. You're going to move on, and I'll be stuck here with memories of you."

"Stop, please… Sasuke…"

He falls silent, trembling. I'm lost. I don't know what to say anymore.

I press a kiss against his skin. I slowly work my way up to his mouth, then seal our lips together. He kisses me hungrily, devouring my taste, his hands claiming my every surface. He pushes me back and I sprawl out on the floor and he descends upon me voraciously, tears in his eyes, his breath scorching my soul. I let him do what he wants.

—

I awake in darkness. A warm body is draped over mine, arms around me in a protective gesture. Comfort envelops me, but still my mind churns with uncertainties.

Sasuke was rougher today than he's ever been before. It didn't bother me. It doesn't hurt so much anymore, when we do it. It still means the world to me, to both of us. He needed it, not for physical satisfaction, but for emotional reassurance. It's the one thing for which there's never been any question, not even the beginnings of a doubt.

I feel like I've betrayed him. Like I've done something wrong. I feel guilty for not caring as much as him. I don't know what to do. I can't exactly tell him to just get friends, or to come study in England with me, and he seems absolutely set on sending me there. But I've become a necessity to him; he relies on me to give his life meaning. What's going to happen when we have to separate? Can he grow out of this, or will he just become even more dependent?

The thing is, I'm not even doing anything. I always thought I was the dependent one, I was the one who needed him. I knew he was possessive, but to me Sasuke has always been the stronger one. To me, he's never _needed_ anything.

_Do you know how much it hurts to know I'm not your everything?_

My chest tightens.

_No, but I know how much it hurts to not be your everything._

Although he's still asleep, he murmurs into the hollow of my neck and holds me tighter. His very touch screams_ I need you_.

—

In the morning, I convince Sasuke to let go of me long enough to get out of bed. Clingy, he holds my hand securely as we leave the bedroom.

The first thing I do is to check the living room. I only once fleetingly remembered Takeshi and Takeshi after we'd left them, and then as I was falling asleep I knew Sasuke needed me too much for me to leave right then.

On the table is a note, next to the deck of cards neatly put away and the bags of prompts set aside.

_Dear Naruto and Sasuke,_

_We can't apologize enough. All we can say is that we really didn't mean to offend you. Hope everything is okay. Please call us when you get the chance. Thanks for having us over. We've seen ourselves out._

_Takeshi and Shiroi_

"Sasuke?"

"Yeah?" he murmurs, his chin resting on my shoulder as he reads the note from behind me.

"You're not mad at them, are you?"

I'm not sure what to think about the pause before he says, "No."

"Are you?" I repeat.

He sighs. "Yes, but not enough to stop being friends with them."

"Okay." That's all I needed to hear.

"Sorry for being rough on you last night."

I shake my head. "You weren't."

"I didn't hurt you?" He traces circles around my hip bone.

"No."

"You were pretty loud."

It's a mark of how close we are that I don't even feel embarrassed anymore. "I enjoyed it. There's nothing to feel bad for."

He sighs and drags me to the floor, where we lie in a tangle.

"I feel awful," he mumbles. "Like I have a hangover. I just…"

I shift a little, searching for a more comfortable position. I find it nestled right by his side, my face close to his.

"Everything will be alright," I whisper in his ear. "I promise."

* * *

So there's some super angsty stuff going on here. I think I overdid it... I like torturing Sasuke.

Thanks for reading!

R+F


	71. No Day but Today

I definitely didn't even realize it was an update day until now. Granted, I haven't been home since 8 in the morning, so there wasn't much I could do anyway.

I always love quoting song titles.

- - -

It's almost refreshing, to have been through that. Is that weird? It was difficult and painful, but now I feel like I've been rained on and the dirt has washed away and the sun has come out, leaving me warm and dry.

Now and then the notion crosses my mind that perhaps we're blowing all of this out of proportion, that Sasuke's exaggerating and maybe he just doesn't understand that. I'm not sure what to think of that. It would be nothing short of insensitive to suggest it, but at the same time I can't help thinking that maybe, just maybe, Sasuke needs to open up.

I think Sasuke found something important in Shiroi. He's always been a solitary sort of person, and I'm not saying that's anything bad, but everyone needs human contact. Sure, he has me, but I'm not the whole world. I can't give him everything.

Shiroi's very similar to Sasuke, in a way. Quiet, not too outspoken, the poetic observer type. He's not the same, not by far. I'm not romantically inclined towards him at all despite the similarities. But he's like enough to suit Sasuke just fine.

I'm not sure what Sasuke thinks of Takeshi. There must obviously be some antagonism; Sasuke's never been at ease with people who showed the slightest sign of trying to hog me (here I think of Kiba). But he said, "I _want_ to hate him." Why can't he hate Takeshi? Because it would hurt my feelings? Or Shiroi's? Or does he like Takeshi for other reasons?

"What are you thinking about, Naru?"

I glance sideways, where Sasuke is lying on the couch as I sit cross-legged next to his head. His fingers have been trailing along my bare skin this entire time, like he doesn't want to break physical contact with me for even a moment, like he wants to remind me he's there. His eyes are closed, but his hand never stops its meandering path.

"You," I reply.

He smiles at that, like it's cute. I don't have the heart to wipe the contented look off his face.

Sooner or later, though, we need to discuss this.

I call Takeshi's cellphone while Sasuke is in the bathroom.

"Sorry about leaving you guys on your own yesterday," I say. "I really didn't expect things to go the way they did."

"No, no, it's fine. We felt so awful about bringing it about, I mean – tell Sasuke I'm sorry about the dare, okay?"

"It wasn't your fault."

"No, I'm to blame. I… I shouldn't have let my attraction to you get the better of me. You're right, it's only going to hurt us all in the end. But I can't help it. I'm sorry. Did everything go okay with you guys?"

I consider this. "I'm not really sure yet. It's not too bad, but the problem's not really solved. I think we need some time. The tension's so thick you could cut it with a knife."

"Sasuke's really hung up on you, isn't he?" I can hear the sad smile in Takeshi's voice. "He's really devoted."

"Honestly, I… I think it goes beyond devotion. It's…" I pause, my mind having raced on without me, leaving my words in the dust. "I think I need to talk to Shiroi. It's nothing personal, it's just I think Sasuke's been able to connect with him as a friend in a way I've never seen him do before."

Takeshi laughs, not in humour. "I wouldn't be surprised if Sasuke hated me right now."

"Frankly… I don't know. But I can't see you guys right now… I gotta stay with Sasuke. You know what I mean?"

"Definitely. Don't worry about it. Call me when you need us, alright? We'll do whatever we can to help."

I sigh, already feeling better. "Thanks so much, Takeshi."

"It's the least I can do. Good luck," he says.

"Yeah. Bye."

I almost feel guilty when Sasuke returns. His soul seems so fragile right now, and here I am, talking to Takeshi the first chance I get alone. I have to remind myself firmly that this is purely for Sasuke's good.

"Naruto," he says. It's not an appeal for attention – well, yes it is, but it's more like a statement than anything in particular.

"Yeah?"

He shakes his head, and sits next to me before pulling us both sideways to lie on the couch. I sigh into his chest. Why is it that today feels so calm, and yet at the same time it's boiling with uncertainties?

"Naruto?" he murmurs. "Am I trying too hard to control you?"

"You've never tried to control me. You've always given me my freedom."

"And you've always given me mine," he replies quietly, "but I don't need it. We're birds in an open cage; you fly in and out whenever you like, but all I want to do is stay inside."

I suddenly imagine a little canary nudging at a small black bird with his talons fixed stubbornly around the perch.

"You should exercise your wings," I say. "Isn't the greatest joy for a bird the joy of flight?"

"The greatest joy for me is being with you. I'm not interested in what's outside the cage."

"Then come with me. I'll show you."

He sighs. "I feel bad for not being interested in something just because you are. I say you're my everything, but your interests aren't mine."

"You can't be expected to take to everything I do. You've got your own interests. Why don't you pursue those? Or find something new to try." I caress his cheek, and he nuzzles into my touch.

"I get distracted so easily. All I can think of is you."

"Oh, Sasuke…"

He opens his eyes and looks at me, and I can see so many thoughts burning behind his eyes, things he desperately wants to ask me but won't, because he knows the answers and they're not the ones he wants. _Tell me you'll never leave me,_ his eyes want to shout. _Tell me you'll stay by my side always, tell me you'll never want anyone or anything but me. _And I want to answer, yes, yes, I'll be with you forever, but I can't, because it's impossible.

"Sasuke," I whisper, "don't worry about the future. Don't waste the present. Live now."

He watches my eyes for a moment longer, then slowly nods. I see the questions in his eyes back away – they don't disappear completely, but he pushes them aside with the notion of now.

"I'll show you what it means to be alive," I whisper in his ear, and I tug gently at it with my lips and stand up and lead him by the hand to the bedroom.

Today I want to show Sasuke what living is. Today I initiate the kiss, not out of dominance but out of charity. Today I worship his body, caressing his curves and angles in reverence, kissing his skin in adoration. I let him touch me back, I let him feel me close to him and assure himself that I am here and now, but today I want to give myself to him, to do everything for him.

"Naruto," he murmurs as I gently hold his head and kiss his jawline. "Naruto…"

"I'm here," I tell him. "Feel me. I'm here."

I slowly slide down his body, stroking his spine, kissing his front, until I'm on my knees so I can wrap my lips around the head of his erection. I close my eyes and stimulate his body as his breathing becomes louder and his legs wobble and his knees give way and he sits down before he can fall. He hugs me close, but I stop and place one last kiss at the tip before lifting myself up again to kiss him and push him back so that he's lying down. He hums softly into my mouth at the taste of himself on my tongue.

Carefully untangling myself from his arms, I and sit up to retrieve the lube from under a pillow, squeeze some onto my fingers, then toss the tube aside and reach for my own entrance. I watch Sasuke's face as he in turn watches me. Sitting on his thighs, I lean back on one hand and insert my fingers into my entrance, my eyelids fluttering at the now-familiar sensation of being stretched. His fingertips tease up my leg before he finds my erection and strokes it slowly. I let him continue until I've prepared myself, then use what's left of the lube to slick his member before wiping my fingers off on a towel next to the futon.

Dropping to my hands above him, I lean in for a soft, sweet kiss. "Watch me," I breathe against his cheek. "Feel this. This is us, now."

I take a hold of his member – he inhales almost inaudibly – and position myself against it. Then I slowly lower myself onto him.

Once more my eyes are drawn to Sasuke's, glazed over as he watches me, as I'm filled with the familiar heat and solidarity of his body within me. When I'm completely seated on his hips, I take a moment to breathe, to let Sasuke feel this connection, this bond. Then I lean back once more and begin to move.

Within the first few strokes I find a position where his member hits my prostate dead-on. With an uninhibited moan I pick up the pace, thrills racing up my spine with each thrust even as he moves his hips up for every time I push down. His nails score down my sides and my legs, his voice filling my ears and doubling the electric shocks pulsing through my body.

Panting, he lifts his torso upright, and his hands find their way around me to pull me close to him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and tip my head back as he attacks my neck, his breath scorching me, my aching member rubbing deliciously against his stomach. I can feel his need for me pouring from his fingertips as they clutch at my back, seeping from his lips and tongue into my skin. It isn't long before I feel my muscles begin to clamp down on him, causing him to release with a cry into my body, filling me, the impact of his orgasm driving me to my own climax. I gasp and shudder, my body convulsing pleasurably, my legs shaking and tightening around his waist. I can feel his soft kisses at my jaw and his hair against my skin and his body entangled with mine as I spiral down from my high, my heart racing.

"You're so beautiful, Naruto," he whispers. "I love you."

A smile tugs at my lips and I allow myself to melt into him.

He sighs against my cheek. "Don't leave me."

I can only hug him closer, trying to disguise the uncertainty that just washed over my heart.

- - -

Shortish chapter. Not much to say either, I'm sooooooo tired… Please tell me if you see any errors, as I didn't perform my usual last-minute check. Hope you enjoyed. Goodnight D:

R+F


	72. Learning to Walk Again

**IMPORTANT NOTICE:**

Seems some people need to read the author's comments. I do say important stuff, you know! Although I guess if you couldn't bother to read two words at the end of the previous chapter, you wouldn't want to look at this now.

Anyone remember what day it was? Thursday? April first? You fools. :)

I mean it, some people took the chapter way too seriously. It is NOT canon. Sasuke and Naruto did NOT do the hanky-panky with Shiroi. Some of you will be disappointed, and some relieved. If you read this at all. I hope I didn't scare anyone off permanently. I mean, it was just a joke.

In any case, it was kind of late when I came up with the idea for the joke, so I wrote it all in one sitting and rushed it and didn't put as much detail into it as I would like. I didn't re-read it after finishing and I know it was a little choppy… but then these are all elements that might lead you to realize it wasn't serious. In any case, it was ridiculously short, and definitely not part of the real story.

Anyway, the REAL chapter 72 now. (What a lot of chapters!)

- - -

"Naruto?"

"Hm?"

"Let's go on a date."

I roll over to face Sasuke. He's watching me through peaceful eyes, one hand under his pillow, the other intertwined with mine.

"A date?"

"Mm. I want to walk around downtown."

"It doesn't have to be a date for us to walk around," I remind him. "We _live_ together, remember?"

"Humour me," he smiles. I can't help but return the expression.

"Okay."

We leave after lunch, walking hand in hand to the bus stop, a good ten minutes away at a leisurely pace.

"Sorry about everything," says Sasuke quietly, walking close to me.

I shake my head. "Don't be."

"I've gone and made everything so difficult. I don't know how this is going to resolve."

"It's not something you can control."

"But it should be," he protests. "It's ridiculous, the notion that a person might not be able to survive without another. Sometimes I feel like if you were gone my mind might just give up living any longer."

"Don't say that," I plead, tightening my fingers around his hand. "You can't."

"I don't know." He manages a tiny laugh. "Heh. Imagine, back before high school I thought I would never need anyone. Maybe I was like those bitter characters in stories, who've seen so many people leave that they try to avoid investing their hearts in others so that they wouldn't be left again."

"You're not."

"No, I'm not," he agrees. "Instead I've invested all of my heart in a single person and locked it up and thrown away the key, and so now if you leave me I'll die because I have no heart left to support me."

"Stop—"

"I'm being melodramatic." He rubs his thumb against my hand. "I don't think it's possible to die of heartache."

I stop dead in my tracks. Vaguely I see Sasuke turn and look at me in concern, but the world around me is blocked out by a flash flood of memories of the worst two weeks of my life: the time when Sasuke was away on that trip to Hokkaido and we'd just had a serious misunderstanding and didn't get to make up and – I thought I was going to die of heartache. I asked Kiba. I asked Shizune-sensei. I never did get a straight answer.

"Naruto?"

I wince.

"I don't know," I reply quietly. "I don't know if you can die of heartache. But I know what it's like to feel like you could."

I hug him, feeling his warmth in my arms, feeling him return the gesture. After a moment I untangle myself from him with reluctance, then direct us to continue walking. "When you were away in Hokkaido," I say, "I asked both Kiba and Shizune-sensei whether a person could die of heartache. It hurt so much, Sasuke, when you were gone. I guess I was kind of delirious at the time, but trust me when I say I know exactly how you feel. The difference is that you're feeling it while I'm right here beside you."

He looks at me, then heaves a deep sigh. "There has to be a way to fix this."

"You have a year to find your key and take your heart back."

"Or break open the lock," he adds. "Or I could study writing in England."

"What about Itachi?" I ask, alarmed.

He shakes his head. "I… I just don't know anymore. It all seems so distant. It's been ten years. I'm not even interested in law."

"You've spent the majority of your life with that goal in mind. How can you switch so quickly?"

"Do you feel like the roles have been reversed here?" he says with a wry smile.

"You're… confusing me," I say quietly. "First you're telling me you want to find Itachi, and I didn't want you to waste your time on something you didn't like doing, but it feels like as soon as I accepted it you changed your mind. I don't know what to think anymore. I want to support your decision no matter what you do, but it's hard when you keep switching."

Sasuke sighs. "I'm sorry, Naru," he mumbles. "I think I'd still like to find him, if I could. But what field of study is that even in? Law is mainly theoretical, but I'm talking about physically going out there and hunting him down."

"I don't know much of anything about law. Do some research. Figure out what it is you need to do. Maybe become a police officer. Earn the right to carry around a gun and handcuffs and go for it." It's horrendously dangerous, but it was always going to be.

"You make it sound so easy. It can't be easy. And it wouldn't be safe, either."

"What if someone else found him? He's part of a big underground gang. You can't be the only one who wants him by far."

Sasuke seems not to have thought of this. "I guess it would solve my problems," he says slowly, "but at the same time I would feel sort of… empty, you know? I wouldn't be able to avenge my parents myself."

"Do you really have to?"

"…I don't know," he says.

"Is Itachi likely to kill anyone else? Is he still a danger to society? Is it worth risking your life to kill him when it won't bring your parents back?"

"I don't know," Sasuke repeats, frustration clear in his voice. "I just don't know. I've wanted to avenge them for so long. It's become a fact of life. It's never become any less reasonable."

"I don't want you to get hurt," I say, squeezing his hand, "but if that's what you really want to do, then I can't stop you."

He's silent for a moment, then says, "It's like… It's almost like I _want_ you to stop me. Like I need you to talk me out of it, to show me that I'm just being ridiculous. Like I need you to _guilt_ me out of it."

"Do you feel guilty about it?"

"I feel guilty for _not_ feeling guilty. Does that make sense?"

I nod. "But you're aware of it, and that means a lot. Look. You just need some time to think about it, right? You can't make a snap decision on this. Take your time. Think it through."

"I've thought it through for so long. I'm tired of it, but every time I think I have it, something else jumps in and I have to figure it out all over again." He heaves another sigh. "Never mind. I'll think about it."

We hang around downtown, taking our time, checking out the shops and market goods. Sasuke lightens up, like he's momentarily pushed aside the heavy issues at hand. Despite the fact that they still worry me, I do my best to ignore them too for now and I put all my efforts into subtly reassuring Sasuke that I'm here for him, that I'll be by his side no matter what. He eventually notices, but never points it out explicitly – his thanks are silent, in the squeeze of a hand, the brush of skin, the way he smiles.

We stop to eat at a food court in a mall and grab some ramen. We speak only of trivial things, never stepping too close to serious topics. I'm finishing up my soup when I hear Sasuke's surprised voice say, "Takeshi?"

I twist around in my chair. Takeshi and Takeshi have spotted us and are making a beeline for us, grinning. I split into a smile myself as they sit down, Shiroi on my side, Takeshi next to Sasuke across from us. I wonder whether they did that on purpose, but I don't ask.

"Hey," says Takeshi, grinning. "How's it going?"

Sasuke shrugs. "Okay, I guess. All things considered."

Takeshi nods, but doesn't mention the last time we saw each other. "What brings you two here then?" he asks.

I reply, "Sasuke wanted to go on a _date_. As if we're not attached at the hip already." I suddenly kind of regret saying that. It's like any topic remotely related to our relationship is automatically deemed awkward and brings back the subject of Sasuke's struggles.

"Are we… intruding on your private time?" asks Shiroi.

Sasuke shakes his head. "Not at all. In fact, you should come with us. We'll make it a double date."

I glance over at him, surprised. He just looks over at me and smiles, and I can see in his eyes that he's doing this for a reason, that he's trying to make things right somehow. I smile back, nod, and simply go along with his plans.

"So, where do you want to go?" Sasuke asks them.

Takeshi looks at Shiroi, who shrugs. "How about the arcade? Oh, wait, you don't like the arcade, do you, Sasuke? Hm. Why not?"

"Video games just don't really appeal to me."

"Aw, but they're fun! There are all sorts. And you can play with or against your friends. Don't you wanna beat Naruto's ass at something?"

He smiles, almost smirks. "I don't need video games to beat Naruto's ass."

"You're just afraid you'll lose 'cause you've never played before," Shiroi suggests.

"Of course I'm not."

"Then prove it!" says Takeshi. "I'll bet you five hundred yen you can't beat Naruto at Mario Kart."

Sasuke raises an eyebrow. "A thousand."

"Deal!"

"Ready to lose?" he asks me, taking up the game controller.

"You wish, teme," I grin, grabbing my own. "Best out of three?"

"Hn."

It soon becomes clear that Sasuke has, in fact, played this before. He knows the trick where you get a boost at the beginning, he knows how to drive manual and drift the corners, he knows the best strategies with the items you throw. What he doesn't know, however, is the courses themselves. Not that it stops him – Sasuke's a wickedly fast learner and can pick up on anything the first time he's seen it, and he quickly makes up for lost time in the second and third laps. I win the first race by a hair.

"Don't get cocky yet, dobe," he says.

"You're just a sore loser, teme."

"Ha. Don't expect me to spend the thousand yen on you, usuratonkachi."

Round two is on Rainbow Road, a sparkly, multicoloured track that goes at the speed of light and sends you more often than not careening off the sides. Drifting is practically a handicap here, and Sasuke falls behind at the start, but in the third lap he bumps me off a bridge and into the dark abyss before zipping across the finish line.

"Now who's the loser?" he smirks. "You'll have to beat me by at least three places if you want to win."

"Hey, I'm not the one losing a thousand yen here," I shrug.

I play hard and beat him in the third race, but in the end I secretly let him win the bet. It's been so long since we've been in any sort of competition; we've been sailing alongside each other for such a long time that we've forgotten the kind of bonding that happens over the passion of combat. Maybe we just need to refresh our relationship. Maybe finding new things is what'll help him move on.

We end up playing more games for the rest of the afternoon. Takeshi and Takeshi continue to taunt Sasuke, goading him into being more competitive, sometimes against me, sometimes them. We also play to cooperate, breaking personal records, establishing individual roles. Sasuke and Shiroi work together at a puzzle game and make it onto the machine's high scores. Takeshi and I double up in a team mode on Dance Dance Revolution, attracting a crowd. I'd almost forgotten how much fun it is to dance with others.

"You need to teach me how to dance," Takeshi pants afterwards, poking my arm.

"You already know how," I reply, nodding towards the machine. "That was great."

"DDR isn't nearly the same as choreographed dancing, you know that."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, I know. When are you free?"

"We can go tonight if you like," says Sasuke. "Come on over to our place."

"Really?" Takeshi asks timidly, obviously remembering the events of last time.

Sasuke nods. "Don't worry about… about that. It doesn't change anything between any of us. So, do you want to come or not?"

And so, after grabbing some take-out sushi, we return home by bus. Sasuke and Shiroi chat the entire way, and I'm content to lace my fingers through with Sasuke's and just listen. Takeshi is similarly quiet next to Shiroi, but in a more conflicted way. When he catches me looking at him, he quickly glances away again, shifting closer to Shiroi, who subconsciously touches his leg in a comforting manner in the midst of his absorbing conversation with Sasuke. Feeling conflicted inside, I turn my gaze to the roads passing outside the window and tune my hearing to Sasuke's calming voice.

After eating we sit around on Sasuke's back porch and talk for a while to digest, because dancing on a full stomach leads to cramps and that just sucks. The sun is still high in the sky with summer in full swing. Thinking of summer reminds me that we only have two or three weeks to go, though, so I try to stop.

"Naruto?"

I look up to Sasuke, whose arm I'm leaning on. He's gazing at me, the look in his eyes gentle.

"Hmm?"

"You haven't said anything in a while."

"Mm." I snuggle closer into him. "I'm just thinking."

"About?"

I shrug. "Depressing stuff. School's gonna be back soon. I'm trying not to think about it."

"Yeah." Sasuke pulls his arm tighter around my waist, his hand slipping under my shirt to softly rub circles into my skin. I sigh, feeling at peace.

"You know, we thought about transferring to Konoha High," says Takeshi, who's combing his fingers through Shiroi's hair. Shiroi, with his head in Takeshi's lap, yawns.

"And?"

"I dunno. It would be nice. We don't really have many good friends at our school, and now we know you and your gang from the paintball game, and we wouldn't be subject to discrimination were we to reveal our secret. But it's our final year; it might be too much of a hassle. And I dunno if either of our parents would let us."

"Have you asked? You'll never know until you do."

"I guess."

"It would be nice to have you guys around," says Sasuke.

Shiroi nods. "That's how we felt too. It'll be lonely when summer ends."

"Come on, guys, let's not think about this," I say. "I don't want to get depressed over something that isn't going to happen for a while yet. Come on, let's dance."

At first Shiroi and Sasuke join us as I lead Takeshi through the steps of a simple song, but within minutes Shiroi decides dancing just isn't for him, and after a while Sasuke sits down too and they just watch us. Takeshi's got a pretty good sense of his body, although he seems to get confused coordinating his arms and legs at the same time – which is no big surprise; it's one of the hardest things to do, especially when you start twisting and other weird stuff. I manage to roughly teach him the first verse and the chorus within the first hour, and then he flops to the ground, exhausted.

"How do you do this?" he pants, looking tiredly up at me.

I shrug. "It's fun. It's exercise."

"Show us the whole dance," says Shiroi.

So I do. It's an easy routine, and I don't have to work too hard to do it, but I put all my energy into the show anyway, adding an improvised flourish at the end. Takeshi stares and claims he'll never be able to do something as complicated as that.

"Sure you will," I say. "Give it enough time and practice and you'll be able to do anything."

"You say it like it's so easy."

"Well you'll never get anywhere if you don't practice. Wanna try it again?"

Another hour later and he's got a pretty good hang of the section he knows. I comment on how good he is at feeling the rhythm, and he just laughs and says music has always been his thing.

"I try to compose stuff sometimes," he says. "It's complicated. I end up inventing dozens of melodies, but only a few ever get developed into songs of any decent length."

"Composing?" Sasuke repeats, impressed.

"Yeah. Studied all this music theory and harmony stuff back when I played the piano."

"You quit?"

"I finished."

"Huh?"

"There are ten levels. I completed them all."

"Wow." I grin. "So you fancy yourself a composer, huh? I love music, but I couldn't ever make anything up."

"It can be annoying," he admits. "See, all these different chords have different rules about what chords they can change to and stuff, and of course you have to take your main melody and develop it throughout the song to make it interesting, and… well, there are just so many rules."

"You lost me on 'chords.' "

He laughs. "That's another thing. It's impossible to have a discussion with anyone because I can't explain myself in layman's terms."

"That really must be frustrating. Hey, do you have any songs you wrote that we can listen to?"

"Not really… unless you have a piano or a guitar."

I sit back, disappointed, but Sasuke stands. "Hang on a minute." And he leaves.

"What, _do_ you have a guitar here?"

I shrug. "Maybe there's one hiding in his house somewhere."

There is, in fact.

"Itachi played sometimes," he says quietly, brushing dust off the case before opening it. "I don't know if it's in any decent shape; no one's touched it in years."

Takeshi takes it out and strums the strings experimentally; it emits a horribly out-of-tune twanging. He pulls a face, then spends a minute or two tuning it with the pegs at the top.

"Okay, well, the song is called 'Your Sky.' I guess I'll just go ahead and play it."

Takeshi is quite good at singing. The melody is simple and pleasant and catchy, a light-hearted kind of tune. He sings to a bird in a cage, its eyes always fixed on the blue sky, its wings aching to stretch out and carry it away; he is a young child watching it. At one point in the song he whistles a little tune, the bird's wistful song; then at the end of it all, he opens the door of the cage and takes the bird out and frees it to the wide open world.

"That's cute," I smile. "It's also going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

Shiroi says, "Takeshi's songs are known for getting stuck in people's heads."

"It's great. Nothing better than being memorable. Hey, you know what, Takeshi? We're one person away from being a band. I do percussion at school. Know anyone who can play the bass?"

He thinks. "Not off the top of my head, no…"

"Aw, that woulda been cool. I haven't played the drums since before summer, though, and I've been focusing more on dance now."

"So music isn't your thing?"

"Well, no, I love music, but dance is my real passion, y'know? I mean, there's music in dancing too. I like moving to the beat."

He nods. "I can tell. You get so into it."

Sasuke squeezes my hand. "You're not the first to say it," he tells Takeshi, "and you won't be the last. Our dobe here was practically made to dance."

"No doubt about it," Shiroi agrees. I grin.

"Got any other music?" I ask Takeshi.

"A few things, but nothing I can show you here. I've got a couple of electronic songs, 'cause they're easier to do on my own than playing instruments, and anyway I don't have a great microphone. And piano stuff is pretty simple to figure out too, but you don't have a keyboard."

"You should show us your stuff sometime. I bet if you have a really good beat I could probably come up with a dance routine for it."

"You make up the routines yourself?"

"Not all of them. If the song's already got a dance to it I use that one and tweak it if I need to, but not all singers dance."

Shiroi shakes his head in wonder. "You two are both so creative."

"What do you do, Shiroi?"

"Well, if all goes well, I'll be studying psychology in university. I'm no good at creating things. I just want to know how people work."

Sasuke takes an interest in this almost immediately. "Wouldn't that make it easy for you to invent characters, then? You could write a story."

"My language skills suck."

"Help me then."

"You write? Is everyone in this room but me brimming with creativity?" Shiroi sighs. "Well, I'd love to help you, but it's getting kinda late… We don't want to impose on you too long."

"You're not imposing. Why don't you sleep over?" says Sasuke.

The rest of us are all surprised by this. Shiroi looks to Takeshi, who smiles. "Okay, sure."

Takeshi and Takeshi contact their parents while I follow Sasuke into our bedroom to find them some blankets and pillows and a futon.

"Feeling friendly?" I ask him, smiling.

"I thought it would be nice to have company tonight." His words are casual and come with a returned smile, but I can hear what he's thinking – _I want to fix this_.

He pauses in the middle of his actions when he catches me gazing at him.

"What is it?"

My smile broadens. I lean forward and kiss him on the cheek.

"Nothing."

- - -

I've gotten a lot of reviews over the chapters from people saying that they don't usually read AU fictions or long stories aren't really their thing or something, but that despite all of this they still enjoy Two Face. The only explanation seems to be that there are elements to Two Face that override what people don't care for. Because it's so long, I have to keep adding new conflicts and elements to keep the story going. It's not really a single long story so much as it is several smaller arcs about the same people. As for AU, well, I'm not focusing as much on the world, and instead using it to further their relationship. My main focus is their emotions and feelings – that's the drive of the plot – and everything else just helps that along. It makes Two Face universal, in a way. I like parsing complicated feelings and laying them out clear, and I guess that's something a lot of people like too. Because it's about emotions and relationships, it's a story anyone can get into. As long as you like gay smut. xD

Thanks for reading! I won't be around next Saturday, so the update will be a day or two late. But it'll still come! :)

R+F

P.S. I've taken out the April Fool's chapter, but I've uploaded it as a Two Face omake (extra) as its own fanfiction, so you can find it on my userpage if you're still interested, lol.


	73. Ecouteurism

I totally forgot last week that you can only review a chapter once, so people who commented on the April Fool's joke chapter weren't able to comment on the real one. Whoops. Anyway, I'm back from my trip (which was super awesome), so updates will be normal and weekly again.

Chapter title is not a legitimate word. So sue me.

- - -

We all set up the sleeping space for Takeshi and Takeshi in the living room, then sit around and just talk. Shiroi talks about what he knows of psychology, of Freud's theory that everyone basically just wants sex and of his student Jung's disagreement and eventual study of symbols in general, especially in dreams. He talks about different types of people and the way we interact in society, and how our culture differs from Western culture. Sasuke is particularly interested in all of this; eventually we get him to explain an idea for a story that he's working on. His main character is a boy from a poor family who gets into a prestigious, expensive boarding school because he's so brilliant. The story talks about the difficulties he has to endure from being in a different social class, as well as his new best friend, a spoiled, pampered prince, and his respective adventures in the world of the working class.

He and Shiroi get further and further into their discussion on the characters and their attitudes, and Takeshi and I find ourselves saying less and less, so we kick out the semes to talk outside while we continue to practice our dance, keeping the music quiet. It's a mark of how deeply interested Sasuke is that he doesn't even argue against leaving me and Takeshi alone without his or Shiroi's supervision. I can't help but smile to myself.

We each interact in our separate groups late into the night, until a woman across from Sasuke's back porch sleepily, albeit kindly, asks him could he please turn off the light because it's hours past midnight. So they come back inside and we stop dancing. Takeshi and Takeshi go off to shower (it doesn't escape my notice that they're going together, although it doesn't seem weird at all to me), while Sasuke and I return to the bedroom to wait for them to finish.

Sasuke flops down on the bed and reaches up for me, so I give him my hands. He tugs me down onto him and I settle comfortably against his body. He takes a deep breath, then exhales slowly.

"What's up?" I ask quietly.

He glances down at me. "I feel… at peace."

"Mm." I nuzzle my face into his neck and smile. "I'm glad."

"Shiroi knows so much about psychology. It's amazing. It's like he knows exactly how to make my stories work the way I want them to, just by hearing my concepts. I want to build a character like so, and he lays out the key points perfectly."

I nod. For some reason, I feel uncontrollably happy. I should probably be a little upset that Sasuke's focus is shifting away from me, but I'm not at all – I'm ecstatic. It lifts my heart to hear that he's interested in something. Sasuke always seems so detached from anything besides me. He doesn't talk about his writing much, although I would love to listen if he did. But I wouldn't be much help. Shiroi really is the perfect friend. What Sasuke needs most is someone he isn't inextricably linked to.

The sound of the shower, muffled through the walls, sifts through the crickets' chirping outside. We listen to its soothing noise for a bit. It's lulling me into a sense of peace. My mind is slowly powering down, the edges of my thoughts fading to black.

Then a quiet, muffled groan strikes me right in the groin.

My eyes snap open, and I look at Sasuke, whose face mirrors my own thoughts. We practically hold our breath, and then it comes again: barely audible through the sound of the night as well as the shower, but – unmistakably, undeniably – the sound of Shiroi's voice.

"Mmn…" comes the breathy moan. "Nngh – T-Takeshi—"

Takeshi murmurs something in reply. The words are lost in the muddle of sound, but the smirk in his voice is unmistakable. Shiroi moans again. I feel a warm tingling start to creep into my limbs as I realize Takeshi and Takeshi are getting… _touchy_… in the very next room.

"Sasuke," I hiss under my breath, "they're…"

"I know."

I flinch when cold fingertips make contact with the small of my back, my hips pressing ever so slightly into Sasuke's. He smirks, his hand laying itself flat on my bare skin.

"D'you think we should… alert them to the fact that we can hear them?" I ask. My body is on a whole different track, my thumb tracing Sasuke's cheekbone, pushing his hair back behind his ear, coming back down to his jawline. I lean in to nip his earlobe.

"Why should we? We wouldn't want to spoil their fun." He presses his knuckles into my spine and drags them firmly upwards, causing me to arch into him, my breath leaving me all in one go. "Listen."

We stop everything to open our ears. Husky tones penetrate the wall, speaking of nothing but passion. It isn't hard to imagine what they're up to – and somehow the idea of those two touching each other intimately makes my skin crawl with pleasure.

"…That's hot," I breathe.

"Mm." Still with that sexy smile on, Sasuke parts his lips ever so slightly. His tongue darts out for a brief moment to wet his lips, teasing me. I growl playfully and get up on all fours before leaning in for a kiss. As the moans escalate, our hands find hair or skin to stroke and grasp, our limbs tangle, our bodies collide. Sasuke jams a hand into my boxers and grabs my ass; I grunt into his mouth and grind my hips hard against him in retaliation and he lets out an uninhibited moan, which silences the showering pair suddenly. But Sasuke is relentless, still pushing into me, and his own voice calls mine out to join it and before long Takeshi and Takeshi start up again.

"S-Sasuke," I pant, although I can't stop myself from running my hands roughly down his body, "they can hear us too."

"I – mmn – I know. If we get to hear them, it's only fair we return the favour, right?" He bares his neck to my lips and holds me closer. Even when he's underneath me he has a way of dominating me, directing me to bend to his will. I gladly oblige, marking his body.

Eventually he tugs at my hair, signalling me to pull back. When I do, he touches my bottom lip with his fingers and I allow them into my mouth, my lower regions already tingling with anticipation because I can see what he's thinking in his fiery eyes. I lather his fingers with my saliva, still moaning around them from his incessant grinding. When he deems the process complete, he stills my hips with a hand before working down my boxers. Then he reaches down between my legs with his slicked hand and swiftly plunges a finger into my entrance.

"Fuck—" I gasp, but I push back onto him, trying to get him to go deeper, my body shuddering in ecstasy at that first sting. I press my forehead against his, my eyes shut tight. "Unnh, Sasuke…"

"It doesn't hurt anymore, does it?" he murmurs, smirking. "You've gotten used to it. That's how many times we've done this."

"You talk so dirty," I breathe.

"Do I? I thought I was just stating a fact." He inserts another finger and starts curling them, searching for my prostate.

"T-that's what makes it dirty. You just – haah – go on like you're commenting on the weather, and—" I cry out, my body going rigid, as he strikes that bundle of nerves "—fuck, you turn me on so much…"

I draw my knees forward so that I can sit on his thighs, his arm trapped between us, his fingers still maddeningly working my prostate. My whole body spasming with pleasure, I grasp both our erections and pump, my hips rocking up and down. Sasuke lets out a breathy and utterly delectable moan, his grip on my upper arm turning painful.

"Sh-shit," he breathes. "Naruto, stop – wait, Naru—mmh—"

It takes the combined efforts of his hand and my will to still all our movement. The only thing that stops us from careening right through to the end is the anticipation of what's to come. I collect my thoughts when he manages to take his fingers out of my ass, and I move back so that Sasuke can sit up. He keeps a hand on my back, holding me in my position on all fours, and moves around to kneel behind me. He takes a firm hold of my hips and rubs his member against my ass. Then he drapes himself over me, arms wrapping around to massage my chest.

"So, Naruto… how do you want it?" he purrs into my ear. I nearly cum from that alone.

"F-fuck…"

"Mm… Is that a request, Naru?" He aligns the head of his cock with my entrance.

"Haah – god, yes – fuck me hard, Sasuke," I snarl, and slam myself backwards, impaling myself on him. We both swear loudly as he sheathes himself to the hilt, hips against me, heat leaking from each of us into the other. Almost immediately he begins to pound away, his body hanging over top of mine, his mouth devouring my neck, his hands devouring the rest of my body. I rock into him with equal strength, moaning, the sheets between my fingers in a death grip and my feet straining to push myself against him. I wish desperately that I could touch him, yet I'm unable to find complaint in the way his presence fills me up, overriding all my senses, taking over my awareness.

Someone bangs their fist on the door, shocking the wits out of us and, without warning, Sasuke tenses up and slams into me and cums hard, his seed scorching my inner walls. I'm reeling with the impact even as he thrusts a few more times, then, slipping out, reaches for my own aching erection and strokes me to completion. My shaking limbs give way and I collapse onto the futon, too tired to be displeased about the cum on the sheets – but never too tired to feel Sasuke's sweet kiss against the back of my shoulder, nor to feel him flop unceremoniously on me.

Over the sound and feel of our desperate breathing rasping at our throats, we hear from the other side of the door: "Sasuke? Naruto?"

"The fuck d'you want?" Sasuke calls hoarsely.

"Just thought you'd like to know we're done with the shower," says Shiroi, not even bothering to hide the amusement in his voice. "Figured you'd need it."

"Hn. Sounded like you have a pretty good time yourselves."

Silence, then: "Yeah, so? Anyway, have a good night, guys."

"Night," says Sasuke shortly.

Their footsteps recede down the hall. I heave another breath, then shove Sasuke off me 'cause he's too heavy and hot and I can't breathe with him on top of me. I roll over to the cooler side of the sheets.

"Fuck," I pant. "That was good."

Sasuke laughs between deep breaths. "Yeah."

"The shower… can wait 'til… t'morrow, right?"

"Y…yeah."

"I mean, man! As if you guys were getting it on right while we were in the very next room," Takeshi laughs over breakfast.

"You started it," I retort. "If it weren't for you guys being so loud in the shower we would never have been so…"

" 'So'…?" Shiroi raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue.

"Turned on," Sasuke finishes for me.

I take another bite of my rice ball. It's not that I'm embarrassed anymore that they know, but I just find it weird to tell anyone that hearing _them_ getting intimate turned me on and led to sex on my part.

"Ha!" Takeshi sniggers again. "Great minds think alike."

"But fools seldom differ," adds Shiroi. "To be honest, we heard you too."

"Figured," I shrug.

"Although I guess we had the added difficulty of the shower going on around us," he adds.

"Is it bad that none of us feels uncomfortable about any of this?" I ask.

Takeshi makes a show of thinking about it. "Nah. We already know we all think everyone else is hot. By now we wouldn't even bat an eyelash at the idea of a foursome."

I roll my eyes. "Not that again."

"Well, it's true, isn't it?"

Sasuke's arm slips around my waist. "Unfortunately that's where I'm going to have to draw the line. Naruto's ass is mine and mine alone."

Takeshi heaves a theatrical sigh. "Well, I guess it can't be helped. Your ass, however—"

"Is mine," Shiroi butts in. Takeshi stares at him for a minute, and then we all burst out laughing.

- - -

I am so tired I have to write an essay soon and also catch up on mathhhhhhhh

R+F


	74. Passion and Duty

Enjoy the chapter!

- - -

After eating we continue our activities from last night. (No, the _other_ activities.) Sasuke and Shiroi actually bring out pencils and notepads, drawing flow charts and making extensive notes; I finish teaching Takeshi the dance and we work on memorizing it. He surprises me by describing the moves in unique and memorable ways, as well as clearly outlining patterns that get confusing with the use of right and left or arm and leg. I usually get the hang of a series of movements like that without much trouble, but it isn't always easy to impart that same implicit understanding to others. Takeshi lays it all out and makes it sound like the easiest thing in the world.

The name twins help us put away the extra futon and leave before lunch, insisting they can't impose on us any longer and still sniggering about last night. After they're gone, Sasuke drags me off to help him with laundry.

"Oh, come on," I say, putting fresh sheets on the futon, "we've gotten cum on the sheets plenty of times before."

"Cum or no, sheets need to be washed eventually. It's been two weeks since we changed them, dobe."

"Fine, fine." I tug a clean pillowcase onto a pillow. "You know, with anyone besides Takeshi and Takeshi I'd be mortified about last night, but for some reason with them I just don't care."

Sasuke nods. "So would I. It's a mark of how much we can trust them with, and they've shown they trust us with their secret as well."

"It would be fun having them at Konoha High."

"It would." Sasuke's mood suddenly turns rather quiet.

"Sasuke?"

He shakes his head, his pensive state disappearing. "Never mind. Come on, let's finish this."

Just then the doorbell rings. This surprises me; I've never actually heard it before.

"Who could that be?" Sasuke muses, standing. Curious, I follow.

When he opens the door, it's to see a police officer there. My first thought is that we've done something wrong.

"Uchiha Sasuke-san?" asks the young man.

"That's me," says Sasuke cautiously.

"You are the brother of Uchiha Itachi, correct?"

Though Sasuke's in front of me and I can't see his face, I sense his pulse immediately go through the roof. Worried, I gently place a hand on his back. I can feel his heart hammering.

"Y-yes," he says.

"We're trying to find him, you see," says the policeman. "I'm not sure if you're aware, but he's a member of the underground gang Akatsuki, and we have reason to believe they're attempting something. We recently received information that Itachi has been sighted, but he's been very elusive. We were just wondering if you might have any information on him."

"Likely not anything you don't already know," Sasuke replies quietly.

"All the same, would you mind if I interrogated you briefly? Anything might help."

He pauses, then nods. "Come in."

With reassurance from Sasuke that he'll be fine on his own, I retreat to the bedroom to wait for the interview to finish in the kitchen. I can hear their muffled voices, but not many words. Jittery, I pace around and around the room, waiting, wondering.

A police investigation? Now, of all times? It's been ten years since the incident. Why haven't they asked him sooner? A seven-year-old might not be the best person to ask, but still, wouldn't it be better to ask someone while the memories are still relatively fresh rather than a decade later, when details have been lost and emotions have changed? Do they really expect to get relevant information about where Itachi is right now if all Sasuke knows is from way back?

And what about Sasuke? He's already been thrown into doubt about whether or not he really wants to avenge his parents. Why'd they have to bring it up now? Will he get angry with the policeman? Will he ask to join their search? Will he anticipate rejection and go out on his own?

I sigh and sit down on the futon before collapsing back on it. There are too many questions, and not nearly enough answers – and no one I can ask.

"_You could ask me,"_ comes Kyuubi's growl.

"Do you know the answers?"

"_Nope."_

I growl at thin air.

"_Chill, kit. The Uchiha wouldn't dare do anything without telling you first, or at least making up some sort of excuse. At the very least he wouldn't just run off."_

"I hope so," I reply. "This is just so sudden and unexpected."

"_I assume some stupid technicality got in their way and they couldn't get around to questioning him until ten years later. Or maybe they're just out of ideas and desperate to find anything at all. If the Uchiha boy doesn't give them what they need, they'll turn to family friends and colleagues and shit like that."_

"But why haven't they done it sooner!?"

"_Like I said, technicalities. You humans' way of doing things is always so convoluted and indirect. Point is, you can't go on moaning about what's already happened. Let it run its course."_

This is desperately difficult, but Kyuubi manages to distract me at least a little, engaging in conversation about Takeshi and Takeshi, summer, school, dancing, whatever. It comes as a bit of a surprise to me that he seems so interested in my life, although he does always have that careless tone about him. All I can guess is that since Sasuke's Hokkaido trip, Kyuubi's become a little nicer to me.

Finally I hear chairs being pushed back, then footsteps, then the door opening and closing. Sasuke comes down the hall and enters the room; I stand up immediately, going to him. His face is pale. I take his head in my hands, searching his eyes. He puts a hand to one of mine. He sighs, and I coax him down to sit by the wall and put my arms around him, and he sinks into me.

"It was just a quick interrogation," he says, but his eyes tell me his heart has more to say. "He asked if I'd seen Itachi lately, if I knew anything about his secrets. I don't know anything. He never told anyone."

"Why now?" I comb through his hair, watching his weary expression. "Why now, after so long?"

He shakes his head. "There could be a lot of reasons. It's impossible to say and it isn't useful to complain."

"_See?" _Kyuubi says despite being displeased by our display of affection. _"Even he knows it. No point wasting time griping."_

"Do you think they'll catch him?"

"I don't know. It doesn't sound like they're doing any serious work on it. He's been hiding for ten years now and hasn't killed anyone else since, but they know Akatsuki still acts out once in a while. It's not terribly urgent to them." Though he speaks calmly, I can clearly hear the bitter tone in his voice. He frowns, squinting at the floor like he's trying to find answers hidden in it, then mutters, "I… don't know if I even _want_ them to catch him."

"What? Why?"

"Well, I mean, I want him captured," he says, "but I… I want to find him myself. Like if someone else does it first I won't have avenged my parents properly. But the waiting is agonizing. What am I supposed to do?"

His hold on my arms tightens, and I squeeze him comfortingly. "You do what you have to," I tell him.

"I guess…"

I kiss the back of his neck. "What do you say we go out for a bit?" I ask, hoping to distract him from the topic for a bit. "We could call up the name twins and hang out downtown. I mean, we just saw them, but they wouldn't mind."

"Hm." Sasuke seems pensive as I gently rub circles on his skin. "I was talking to Shiroi yesterday, about Takeshi. He told me he trusts him."

Although the change of topic is a little unexpected, I embrace it for now. "Do you believe him?"

"Yes," he says, quiet but sure. "He said he knows Takeshi, and he knows how much they mean to each other."

"I think Takeshi does it more now out of fun than because he really means it."

"I want to think so too, but I'm afraid of being wrong. I wouldn't want to be lulled into a false sense of security. I trust him and I trust Shiroi's judgement, but I don't think I'll ever let go of that doubt, you know what I mean?"

I nod. "I know."

"I still think he's a great friend. He just needs to know the consequences if he lays his hands on my dobe."

I chuckle at this, and kiss his jawline. His hand comes up to trace the shell of my ear, then rests in my hair as we simply sit here together.

"I think, in a way, that officer coming here was a good thing."

"Oh?"

"I've been doubting… myself, and all of this, for a while now. I don't want to leave you, and I don't want you to leave me, and in the face of all of that I've forgotten my goal. It's not as important as you now. But it's still important."

"You can't dedicate your entire life to me," I reassure him. "You do what you need to do. I'll always be waiting for you when you're done. You don't have to choose between me and your goal."

"You're too accepting," he smiles.

"It's the least I can do to repay you. You've done so much for me, Sasuke. I owe you everything. I've been so selfish, and you're so strong. I want to be able to support you when you need me, the way you did for me all those times."

"Naruto…" He closes his eyes, his voice fading to a whisper. "Thank you."

I'm lazing around on the couch, Sasuke typing out one of his stories at his computer, when I get a call on my cellphone from Takeshi.

"Yo, Naruto!" His voice is brimming with excitement.

"Hey, Takeshi. What's up?"

"You know the Stoneheads? They're having an event called Gay Night. Wanna come with me 'n' Shir?"

I frown. "What's the point in going to a gay club event if you're already committed?"

These words pique Sasuke's interest, and he comes over and lays himself overtop of me, watching my face as I chat with Takeshi on the phone. I put the speaker on so he can hear Takeshi's side too.

"Well, I dunno, I just figured we'd be less likely to get hounded for being gay," says Takeshi. "And anyway, chances are there'll be fewer people on the dance floor, y'know?"

"True," I allow, stroking Sasuke's spine lazily with my free hand. "But I mean, what if people assume we're single 'cause we're in a gay club, and try to hit on us? If you're already with someone, it doesn't matter what kind of people are around you, right?"

"Oh, come on. I'd bet a thousand yen there'll be other couples there. Stop being a worrywart! It's this Saturday. Are you coming, or are we going without you?"

I look to Sasuke, who shrugs. "Fine," I say. "Meet you there at seven?"

"Sure. See you guys then!"

I say bye and hang up, then toss the phone on the ground and wrap both my arms more securely around Sasuke. He just smiles at me.

"What?"

He shakes his head. "You raised some good points."

"Well it's true," I say. "I don't want anyone but you, and I don't want people hitting on us."

"Look, if they hit on you, I'll hit them. Alright?"

I laugh. "Or we can just make it clear that we're too smitten with each other to even think about looking at the other people in the club."

"That works too." He kisses my cheek. "You know how Takeshi and Takeshi are. They love ogling boys and girls alike. Maybe this is just an excuse to do it more openly."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." I glance over at the calendar. "Saturday's the 21st. Sasuke…"

"Mm?"

"School starts in two weeks."

He's silent for a long time.

"Well shit."

"Yeah." I sigh.

"Then we'd better get as much out of summer as we can," he states, and his hand shoots down to grab my crotch even as his teeth nip at my earlobe. I laugh and reach for the button on his jeans.

It's an hour or two later, with the two of us lying on the bed, in that soft moment after you've managed to catch most of your breath and the ache of your muscles is just kicking in and you're beginning to notice how much heat your body has generated, when the air starts to hang heavy. Sasuke's pale, sweat-slicked back is to me, moving in time with his slow breathing, and there's something almost distancing about the way I can't see his face from here. Although the sex was fun and light-hearted, now the atmosphere is dark, like we've only managed to stall it briefly.

Every day we live is a day closer to school. When school comes again, we'll be back to classes with less time to do whatever we want. Two of our seven subjects are different; we've both chosen to leave a period free. But this doesn't necessarily mean all our same subjects, or our spare, will be at the same time. We won't know until we arrive at school, at least.

After school will be summer, which will be great, but it feels unfulfilling thinking about it now since it's alreadycurrently summer. And then… and then we'll be apart. Sasuke will leave for Hokkaido to study law and investigation, and I'll be shipped off to England to learn to dance. Anyone else would love the opportunity to study their passion abroad. I just know that I won't be with my true passion, my one love: Sasuke.

I roll over onto my side, slip my arm around Sasuke's middle, and hug him, feeling his skin against mine, ignoring the way both our bodies are still too warm.

"I'm going to miss you," I whisper.

"Don't talk about it," he murmurs. "Don't remind me how we won't be able to see each other."

I frown, burying my face in his hair, taking in his scent, trying to make it permanent inside me. I don't ever want to forget the sweet minty smell of his hair, the sweat of his skin, the taste of his mouth. I need to be able to call that up at a moment's notice for years to come.

"Think about how much fun it'll be. We'll get to study what we're really interested in. We'll meet people with the same passions. Aren't you excited?" But his voice holds no enthusiasm.

"It's hard to be excited when it means leaving you."

His hand covers mine, rubbing it gently. "We need to do this. We need to be strong. Life is about more than love. You have a passion and a talent for dance, Naruto, and I have a duty to honour."

"You don't have to—"

"When I talked with Shiroi," he goes on, heedless of my words, "he told me there's a branch of law that deals with psychology. It'd be like studying law and working on my writing at the same time. I enjoy writing about people and relationships. Maybe I'll write law-related stories."

I'm at a loss for arguments. If Sasuke makes the excuse that he'll be studying something he'd actually enjoy, I can't counter it. All I want is for Sasuke to be happy, to do something for himself and not for cold revenge that won't bring anyone back.

"I just want you to do something you love doing," I tell him. "For you. Not for anyone else."

Sasuke sighs. "I think my father would have wanted me to join the police force. That's what he was pushing Itachi to do."

I'm not sure what to say to this. Is this just another reason binding him to his choice?

He caresses my hand, like he can read my mind. "I'm not saying I'm doing it for him. I'm just… Maybe this was supposed to happen, you know what I mean? Maybe it's genetic or something. I never knew my grandparents; I've never had any family other than my parents and Itachi, so I don't know. And in our society it's tradition to take over one's family business."

"You don't have to follow tradition. No one's stopping you from choosing to do something else."

"I know. The Uchihas' power in the police force is pretty much nil now anyway."

"So…"

He sighs. "I don't know why I mentioned it. Never mind."

"Are _you_ excited?" I ask.

"I… don't know. Not excited, per se, but in a way I can't wait to finally be able to do what I've wanted to for ten years. I've waited so long."

"You never gave up," I whisper.

He smiles ruefully. "I very nearly did this year. You loved me, and somehow in all of this I'd nearly forgotten."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Both."

I sigh, because I already knew that. I was just hoping he would give me the answer I wanted instead of the one that was true.

"Sasuke?"

"Mm?"

"I'll miss you."

"…I know, Naruto. I know."

- - -

Not much to say. A bunch of different ideas get explored here, which doesn't really help the unity of the chapter… but anyway. Thanks for reading!

R+F


	75. Gay Night

We're back in Sasuke's point of view for a chapter. Enjoy!

- - -

I convince Naruto to join me in researching schools for the next couple of days. I've already bookmarked the websites of some possible schools. My school of choice is in the city of Sapporo in Hokkaido, but I've also got a couple of other choices in Japan, and now that I have a more specific direction I can start searching for schools that combine psychology and law. As for Naruto, he has a scholarship opportunity in London as well as some other schools scattered around southern England.

"I've never been out of Japan," he says. "I'm… not sure I want to go."

"Studying abroad is a great experience. You really should," I tell him.

"Don't I qualify for any scholarships in Japan? Why do I have to go out there anyway?"

"Don't you want the opportunity?"

He sighs. "I don't want to leave you."

I swivel my chair around to face him and put a hand on his cheek, tracing his whisker-shaped scars. Those lines never cease to remind me of the monster hiding under the guise of his baby-blue eyes. "Look, Naruto. Chances are, even in the same country, even in the same area, we might not get into the same school. We'll definitely apply to every school that has both our interests, or schools in the same city or area. But the rest isn't up to us. We may not get accepted. Relationship or no, we've got to choose the best schools for our futures."

"Will you apply to schools in England?" he asks, as though my answer might have changed since the last time.

I glance away, then turn back to the computer. "I need to stay here. I'm looking for Itachi in Japan, so I need to study Japanese laws."

"That makes sense," he agrees, voice dull. "But that's just the problem, isn't it? It's the sensible thing to do."

I nod resignedly. As much as I want to do nothing but love Naruto for the rest of my life, society doesn't work like that. We need to be educated so we can get jobs so we can survive. And then, after all that is said and done, we can…

"Sasuke? When we're done studying, when we have jobs and a house and stuff, what are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean… What's life really about?"

I look into his eyes again, then put a hand on his shoulder and pull him in and kiss him deeply. Then I put my forehead to his, trying to make him aware of this warmth that has filled our hearts. "This," I whisper. "Life is about love and self-discovery."

"Are you sure?"

"You're asking a seventeen-year-old, Naruto. You're asking a teenager a question that all of mankind has pondered from the day he knew intelligence."

"If life is about love and self-discovery," he says, "then we've already figured it out, haven't we?" He kisses me again to emphasize his point.

"These things don't just happen and then end. They endure for life. And you know this isn't all there is. There has to be more."

"But then there's no end to it."

I nod.

"So when we go to university," he says, "it's all self-discovery. And then when that's all over, we just go to our jobs every day and earn what we need to survive and love each other and keep discovering ourselves, and that's it?"

"That's it."

"That sucks."

"It does, doesn't it?"

"What about teaching?" he asks. "If I want to be a dance teacher, and pass on my knowledge to other people, that's another meaning to life, right?"

"Mm. The furthering and bettering of humanity. The world as a whole, and not just the self."

"I guess that's what I'd do, then," he says, though he still sounds a little doubtful. "I want to leave my mark. I guess that's all I've really wanted, in the end. To make a difference to someone."

"You've made a world of difference to me," I whisper.

We meet Takeshi and Takeshi as scheduled on Saturday. Takeshi has donned a red sleeveless shirt hemmed with black, two vertical bands of black-and-red horizontal stripes going down the front, as well as baggy jeans and skater shoes. His hair is even fluffier than usual, like he's somehow added air to it. Shiroi's left a black button-down open over a white tank, fitted jeans cuffed just above his Converse shoes, the band around his wrist cut from the same fabric as Takeshi's shirt. I persuaded Naruto to wear the muscle shirt he bought a couple of weeks ago, and he's pulled it down over the waist of his cargo pants, which nearly cover his extremely worn-down sneakers. In retaliation for the muscle shirt, he forced me into the orange-streaked blue shirt bought on the same day, at least allowing me to choose my own faded black skinny jeans and black sneakers.

"You two look smokin' hot," Takeshi grins. "Well, shall we go in, ladies?"

The club is, as expected, less populated than usual, and yet the turnout is still decent, providing enough space to dance freely but still allowing for that intimate feel. It looks like there are slightly more guys than girls, but the number of lesbians here surprises me. I suppose I just never really thought about lesbians. I don't really think about girls in general.

I notice Naruto staring at the girls with a faint disappointment in his eyes, like he doesn't feel like he's reacting the way he should. Shiroi spots this too.

"Really makes you notice how gay you really are, doesn't it?" he smiles.

"Yeah," Naruto mutters. "Isn't that kinda sad?"

"Not at all!" says Takeshi, who's already starting to move to the music. "You're in a gay club, Naruto. No talking about being straight, yeah?"

Naruto can't help but laugh at this. "Yeah, okay."

We stick close together, not in an act of fear or nervousness but with an air of total absorption. I slide my hands around his middle and pull him into me and feel him abandon himself to the atmosphere, the music, and my touch.

Reaching back, he tugs at my hair, and I hook my chin over his shoulder. He sways his hips to the beat, enticing my own responses. My left hand moves down to settle on his hip and I hook my thumb into his belt loop, and his own hand comes to cover it, his fingers settling between the gaps in mine. I kiss him softly on the side of the neck, feeling the shivers that run through him at this. His eyelids flutter and his hips roll dangerously against mine, and I can tell he's trying to avoid getting too aroused.

Amused, I ghost my lips along his ear and purr, "Mm, Naruto." He automatically loosens up in my hold at my words.

"Slow down, teme," he murmurs, turning around in my hold. "We just got here. We've got all night."

"All the better." I glance over to Takeshi and Takeshi, who are also starting to move to the music.

Within minutes, Naruto's confidence and comfort has risen through the roof, and he takes the lead in the next song. I just smile to myself and follow along, letting his presence, his very existence, sweep me off my feet and into a carefree world of energy, of beat and rhythm, melody and harmony. His body is everywhere around me; his mere touch makes me move, makes me dance in tandem with him, his hands drawing me like magnets.

"You're a good dancer, Sasuke," he teases, his breath warm against my face as he nears.

I smirk against his lips. "I know." He bites my lip for that.

"Hey, pretty boys," Shiroi calls, "want something to drink?"

We all head over to the bar, where a tall guy has already gotten through one drink and is starting on a second. I glance to one side and see Takeshi and Takeshi ogling him openly; the feeling of Naruto tensing next to me makes me glance to the other side. His face has apprehension written all over it, and he stops walking.

"Naruto?"

He glances at me, and I can tell something is upsetting him; guilt flickers in his eyes. He looks back at the tall guy at the bar, who's looking at us – or rather, at Naruto. I instantly feel a ferocious possessiveness rise in me.

"Bathroom," says Naruto, and slips away.

The guy at the bar starts to follow Naruto, and then it clicks – this is the guy he kissed when I was away in Hokkaido. Guilt lances my own heart, as does anger, but I ignore both these emotions and stride over, blocking his path.

"Who are you?" I growl, ignoring his dominating stature and drawing myself up to my full height, still several inches shorter than him.

"Suzuki Ryuu," he says, sticking out a hand. I don't take it. He ignores this. "Would you be his boy, then?" he asks, nodding towards the direction in which Naruto disappeared. "I don't suppose he's told you about me, has he?"

"He has," I state.

Ryuu whistles. "And you're still with him? Either you don't care your boy's a whore, or he's highly manipulative. And from the vibe I got when I met him, it's not the second one."

"He's not a whore," I spit. "I pity you if you can't forgive and forget. If you're looking to make me angry with Naruto, you're going to have to try harder."

"Naruto?" Ryuu laughs. "His real name is Naruto?"

"What did you think it was?" I snap.

"He told me Naruki. I thought it was cute." Ryuu shrugs.

I give him my coldest glare, and he actually steps back. "I suggest you get out of here," I say curtly. "Go ruin someone else's relationship why don't you."

Ryuu throws up his hands defensively, backing off. "Okay, okay. You can't put all the blame on me, though, y'know? It takes two to tango." And, skirting around me and my dagger stare, he high-tails it out of my sight.

Once he's lost in the crowd, I relax. Naruto returns shortly, and I put my arms around his waist and look into his eyes, searching them.

"I'm sorry," he says very quietly.

I shake my head. "It was a long time ago. Let's forget it."

Gratitude lifts the corners of his mouth, and he kisses me gently.

"Awwwww," The name twins croon in unison. Takeshi says, "Alright, lovebirds, enough cuddling. We're here to party!"

Shiroi's a major lightweight. It's so sad it's funny. I've already had like five drinks and he's swaying at two and all I've lost is some of the bigger words I knew. Well I'm kinda slurring and using expressions I don't usually use, but that's okay. My body is buzzing warmly and I feel pleasantly… pleased. (Like I said, I forgot a bunch of words.)

"S-Sas'ke, hey, Sas'ke," Shiroi mutters. "Wanna dance?"

I manage to raise an eyebrow. "Can you even stand?"

" 'Course." He jumps to his feet, then grabs the bar for support. "Dammit."

Takeshi is laughing his ass off at his boyfriend – well, actually, I have no idea what he's laughing at. He's laughing at everything. Naruto chugs a glass of beer, and Takeshi sniggers. I have to admit the foam moustache is hilarious, though.

"Dobe," I smirk. I lean forward and lick the foam off of his upper lip. I hate beer.

"You hate beer," he says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I know. Drink something else, idiot."

"Nnh."

I order a tequila sunrise, take a swig, then seal my lips pointedly against Naruto's before opening my mouth. I swish the drink around in his mouth, washing out the bitter beer. He swallows the liquid, then chokes.

"Dobe, you can't breathe and drink at the same time," I say, thumping him on the back. He coughs.

"Man, screw you, teme," he says, standing. As the song ends, Takeshi practically jumps to his feet in front of Naruto, then holds out a hand and bows low.

"May I have this dance, my lady?" he asks, still snickering.

"Bastard," Naruto grins, and gives Takeshi's open hand a high five; then he pushes Takeshi's head up and steps up to dance.

"No dirty dancing," I call as they move away. I hold back the urge to kick Takeshi away and take over Naruto, and instead turn to Shiroi. "Well, I guess that just leaves us. Are you sober enough to walk at least?"

"…Yeahhhh." He grabs onto my shoulder, leaning heavily. I give him a minute to find his feet.

Dancing with Shiroi is totally different from dancing with Naruto. He's got a different style, a different feel. I guess it doesn't help that he's drunk. And it's weird to be dancing with a friend in a paired dance, but it doesn't really matter 'cause, well, I'll admit it – Shiroi is pretty hot. It's like the days before Naruto, when I would dance with random girls close to wherever he was in the club at the time. I didn't like them, but they taught me to dance. Look, I'm doing it again. Stalking Naruto, that is.

For a while, they just dance like they did at home, grooving separately yet somehow coordinating their moves. Shiroi and I stop to watch, and so do a whole bunch of others – mostly guys – and soon they're showing off to a ring of enamoured boys. Naruto taps one on the shoulder and asks him to get the DJ to switch the song, and the guy nods eagerly and rushes off; the new song is the dance routine he's been teaching Takeshi.

They only know one dance, but hell, do they ever know it. Takeshi does the moves Naruto taught him, while Naruto does something different that complements Takeshi's routine. It looks like Takeshi practiced at home, because he pretty much knows the whole thing now and doesn't have to rely on Naruto to go through the motions, which lets Naruto do his own thing and spice up the coreography.

When the song ends, the whole circle – which seems to be practically the whole club – bursts into cheers. Naruto and Takeshi exchange a high five.

"That was great," Naruto says to Takeshi, beaming. "Wow, we really got a crowd going, huh?"

Takeshi looks around. "Yeah. Shame we don't have anything else to show them. You could do a solo."

Naruto shakes his head. "There's a vibe going here. It's just… not the same. I think – Takeshi, I think we've got something."

Takeshi looks like he's hardly daring to believe it. "Whaddya mean?"

"Look, when I dance on my own, and even when I dance with other friends, it's… somehow not the same as this. When you and I dance, I feel a… connection, or something. Shit, it's hard to think when you're drunk."

Takeshi laughs. "I think I know what you mean."

"About being drunk?"

"No, idiot, about the connection."

"Oh. Do you feel it, though? It's like… I know how you're going to dance, and I can tell you know how I'm going to dance. We just work like that, see?"

Takeshi splits into a wide grin. "Yeah, I get it. Well, shall we get back to a little one-on-one?"

I automatically bristle at his wording, but I let them go and restrain myself. Shiroi puts a hand on my shoulder and spins me back around, pulling me out of the crowd to resume dancing.

We go on for several songs and tire ourselves out, ending up taking a break on a bench by the wall. After some time, Naruto and Takeshi show up again, although neither of them notices us. They're dancing dangerously close together. I can't see Naruto's face since his back is to us, but it's within inches of Takeshi's, which has a far-too-pleased look on it. I twitch when Takeshi's hand slides a little further down Naruto's spine.

"Oi, Sas'ke," Shiroi slurs, trying to poke my arm but missing and jabbing my cheek instead, "give it a rest. Takeshi's not stupid enough to do anything idiotic."

"You really trust him?"

"Mm. I told you that already. He likes hitting on everyone, Sas'ke. Just take it in stride."

"How can that not bother you?"

"I'm not a possessive bitch like you," he chuckles. "Maybe you have aband'nment anxieties."

I frown. "No, I don't think so. I just – Naruto's _mine_, see? Not anyone else's. It's not that I don't want him to leave me, 'cause I know he won't. I just don't wanna share."

"Man, you musta been some screwed-up kid."

"Believe me, I was."

"I know." Shiroi smiles, stands, and holds out a hand to me. I take it and we start dancing again, and Shiroi catches the attention of the other two. He makes sure they're both watching, then kisses me full on the lips.

I'm so stunned I can't even move. It seems like we stand there for an eternity, with Shiroi's hands gripping my shoulders tightly and my body totally frozen. Then another hand pries Shiroi off of me and I hear the sound of knuckles smashing into a cheek before a body hits the ground.

"What the fuck!?" Naruto shouts. I blink to see Shiroi propping himself up on an elbow, bringing a hand to his bruising cheek. "The hell are you doing, bastard?"

Shiroi is laughing. Takeshi kneels down beside him, looking worried at first, but Shiroi's laughter gets to him and then they're both rolling on the ground, lost in mirth.

"Your faces!" Shiroi wheezes through the laughter. "You shoulda seen your faces!"

"Goddammit—" Naruto starts, but Takeshi interrupts him.

"You guys are too damn uptight," he giggles. "Chillax!"

"You fucking kissed my boyfriend!" Naruto grabs my hand and holds it tightly.

"So? We're not gonna beat you up if you kiss us," says Shiroi, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Ass," Naruto mutters, then turns to me, still looking upset. "Sasuke?"

I don't know what to say. I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to laugh or be angry. He hugs me close and I automatically melt into his touch, my hands finding their usual spots on his back and hips. I kiss the side of his neck to let him know I'm okay, then pull back to look into his eyes.

"It's fine," I tell him. "I think he was just making a point."

"He didn't have to do it like _that_," Naruto scowls.

"I know, I know." I do Naruto the courtesy of wiping my mouth on my sleeve before kissing him deeply on the lips. "Why don't we forget those clowns and try a little tango on our own?"

He smiles and moves his hands to my hips. "Alright. I'll show you what it really means to tango."

- - -

I gotta fly, so no comments today. Have a good week.

R+F


	76. Reversal

Alright, you guys. I know Two Face can get a little hyperbolic sometimes, but you don't have to freak out xD I thought I made it clear enough that Shiroi was just joking around. Sometimes the meanings of actions get lost when the person acting isn't narrating the story. Shiroi only kissed Sasuke because he wanted him and Naruto to realize how incredibly uptight they are. As DreamsReality so eloquently put it, "It was just a little kiss! Not like They smexed or anything. Sheesh." Shiroi wasn't trying to steal Sasuke or offend them. He was drunk, and he wanted them to stop being so twitchy about being three metres apart.

It sounds like Takeshi and Takeshi come off as extreme to a lot of you in the way that they openly ogle the people around them. Really, though, it's just that they're close enough to trust each other not to do anything as a result of said ogling. They just ogle, the way a girl might giggle along with her friends when a cute boy passes by. T+T are able to feel both friendship and romance.

I think the reason T+T seem so out there is because they're very much a foil to Sasuke and Naruto's relationship. S+N have been super tight all the time, but mostly in a romantic sense only with very little casual friendship interaction. Everything _means_ something, and it freaks them out. They're afraid of losing each other; they're possessive and clingy. We've gotten used to seeing 75 chapters of this, so T+T are like black to S+N's white.

Neither of their relationships are wrong, per se, but they aren't completely right either. T+T could probably tone down their checking-out a little, and S+N could relax. That's why I introduced T+T – to give S+N a new perspective.

Phew. Think I ranted enough? If you've still got something to say, please do so in a review or a PM and we can talk about it. But trust me, I know what I'm doing. It may seem like it's all going to stay like this right now, but developments are in store for all four of them, just you wait.

All that said, enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Everything goes smoothly after that. I take over the dance again, feeling Sasuke everywhere around me. The name twins stay at least an arm length away from us, and we mostly ignore them, lost in our own world, dancing, grinding, kissing and touching. There's something exhilarating about being here in a world full of hungry eyes and not giving a flying fuck who's watching. I want to claim Sasuke, to make sure everyone sees that he's mine, and he seems to have a similar idea in mind. Finally we get fed up with Takeshi and Takeshi sniggering at us, and so we all decide to bust out of the place and head to our respective homes. We say goodbye at the door (Shiroi shouts "Sorry!" as Sasuke and I get into a taxi) and then we're off.

"Well that was eventful," Sasuke murmurs sleepily, fetching out his key and taking a couple of tries to get it into the lock. I let my hands circle around under his arms, my body pressing against his, my still semi-hard erection digging into his ass.

" 'Ey, Sas'ke?" I mutter.

"Mmn?" He open the door and lets us in. As soon as it's closed and locked, we abandon ourselves to each other.

"Wouldja let me fuck you?"

"…Huh?" He blinks, but he's distracted by the grinding of our hips, re-igniting the hormones still floating around in my system.

"It's always been you fucking me. I'm not saying we should do it right now, just… wouldja?"

"Nnh… dunno," he breathes, dragging us to the bedroom.

"It feels really good. Din'cha ever put a finger up your ass?"

"No, why would I?"

" 'Cause it feels good. Look." I pull him down on the futon and attack my pants while he tugs his shirt off; by the time I'm done, so is he. I grab the lube from under the pillow and lube up my fingers.

"Wait, Naruto, what are you—" he begins, then gasps as my finger breaches the first ring of muscles. He's automatically pushing, resisting, his muscles clenching harshly around my digit. "Naruto!"

"Relax," I murmur into his ear, stroking his hair. I push my finger in further, focusing on nothing but finding the one spot I know will light him up, and – _there_ – he cries out and arches beautifully and his cock instantly hardens.

"Fuck," he whispers.

"Doesn't it feel good?" I ask, continuing to rub the spot.

"Haah – yeah, but – no fucking me, 'kay?"

"Mm. I wouldn't pass up a chance to get you inside me," I purr, and pull out my finger to drag him on top of me. He takes over with a vengeance, grabbing my still-slick hand and guiding it to my entrance. We watch each other as he directs me to prepare myself, and within two minutes he pulls my fingers out and replaces them with his straining shaft.

His first thrust is hard and hits my sweet spot dead on; a month of sometimes-more-than-daily experience has taught him exactly how to make me scream. I'm screaming, nails dragging down his arms and his back, bucking into him, my aching member rubbing blissfully against his soft stomach, and due to the long hours of foreplay in the club it's not long at all before I cum hard and my muscles clench around him and even as I'm drifting off into sleep he releases his seed deep into me.

The last thing I hear before I go out is Sasuke's husky, satisfied, triumphant voice murmuring, "Shiroi's got nothing on this."

—

"Fuck" is the first thing I hear after I wake up the next morning. Blearily I open my eyes to find Sasuke pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"Sasuke?"

"Hangover," he moans, rolling onto his stomach. "And I think I can feel lube in my ass. Which hurts like hell, by the way. Fuck. Did you really have to do that?"

I can't help it – I burst out laughing. "Sasuke, you leave lube _and_ cum in my ass every night. Deal with it."

"Fuck off."

I take pity on him and go fill him a glass of water. As he pours it down his throat I tell him, "It's probably 'cause you drink so much."

"I need to drink that much to even get drunk," he grumbles. He thrusts the glass back into my hands and buries his face in the pillow. After a whole minute of being immobile, he gets up blearily, sways from the head rush, then stumbles off to the shower. It takes all my willpower to hold back my laughter. I sit there for a bit, allowing my body to wake up properly, then figure I may as well join him. So I head on over to the bathroom. To my surprise, however, the door is locked.

"Sasuke," I call, fairly casually, banging on the door, "let me in."

"Naruto," he calls back just as casually, "fuck off."

I frown. Maybe he just doesn't feel like getting out of the shower to come unlock the door. Shrugging, I sit down to wait.

It's a long time between the sound of the water turning off and the sound of the door unlocking. I stand when it opens, but Sasuke just strides out in his boxers and heads for the kitchen, totally ignoring me.

"Sasuke?"

He doesn't answer. Confused, I follow him down the hall, catching him by the shoulder near the front entrance and spinning him around to face me.

"Sasuke, what's wrong?" I ask, worried.

He scowls at me. "You shoved a fucking finger up my ass."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were upset about it—"

"Naruto, when I tried to do that to you you fucking ran out on me! Am I not entitled to be _upset_ about it?"

I draw my hand back, hurt. "I – I'm sorry," I say again, more quietly. "You didn't seem upset last night, so I thought…"

Sasuke sighs and leans against the wall, putting a hand to his forehead. "I was drunk. I wasn't thinking right, and you were going so fast, and I…"

With another sigh, he holds out an apologetic hand to me. I accept it, offering my own apology, which he also accepts. We exchange no words, but I can only hope that's enough.

—

We fall asleep on the couch later that sunny afternoon, and when I wake up I have a note taped to my forehead. All it says is _3:10, groceries_ in Sasuke's handwriting. I check the clock – it's not even 3:30 yet.

It's been a while since we've been apart. It feels sort of strange being alone in the house now. Is Sasuke thinking about that, or is grocery shopping such a routine task that he hasn't even noticed he's doing it on his own?

Something is nagging at the back of my mind, like there was something I meant to do the first chance I got alone, but I never did get a chance. I think about it for a while, then I remember: I wanted to talk to Shiroi. I call his cellphone.

" 'Lo?" comes a groggy voice. I hear a sleepy murmur that sounds like Takeshi.

"Hey, Shiroi? It's Naruto."

"Mmhey."

"You sound like you just woke up."

"Yeah, Takeshi 'n' I were up all night. His mom's away so we were drinkin' all night with his bro, and then we were, well, y'know. In bed." He yawns loudly.

"Uh-huh." I don't need to hear more. "You busy anytime soon?"

"Nah, as soon as Takeshi's mom gets back they're going on a family trip so I have nothing to do for a few days."

"Great. Do you mind hanging out with Sasuke sometime?"

"What, just us two? Aren't you afraid I'll kiss him again?"

"No," I say, nevertheless conveying my irritation at that event.

"Good. Sorry about it, by the way. You guys needed the wake-up call."

"I guess we sorta did," I admit. "Well, that's what I'm calling about. You know the… truth or dare incident," I say. "He's been getting better since then. I think it would be good for him if he hung out with you. Would you be able to, well, sort of distract him from me for a day?"

"Yeah, sure. Don't be surprised if I steal him away from you, though," he adds with an audible smile. "I'm known to be rather captivating."

I roll my eyes. "Takeshi's the only one who knows you as such."

"Ah, but he knows me well." I hear him chuckling along with Takeshi.

We arrange to meet "by chance" at the mall on Tuesday. I say my goodbyes, then call Sakura-chan.

"Naruto? Oh my god, it's been ages!" she squeals, like a classic teenage girl. "How are you? How's Sasuke-kun? Are you having a good summer?"

"Yeah, everything's going really well," I grin. "Well, y'know, we've had our ups and downs, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?"

"That's good to hear. Oh, Naruto, I'm so happy for you," she says, giggling with giddiness. "I know we got together all the time last summer, but I figured now since you have Sasuke-kun you would want to spend more time with him. It's been such a long time! You have to tell me _everything_."

I blanch at this. Everything? I couldn't tell her everything! For one, there's been so much stuff that _everything_ would take another whole summer to explain. For another, well, is it safe to tell a shounen-ai fangirl about my sexual adventures?

"Yeah," I say, trying to sound normal. "Are you busy on Tuesday?"

"No, not at all."

"Okay, listen. I'm getting Sasuke to spend the day with a friend of ours, but we're not allowed to tell him. Everyone's in on it but Sasuke."

"Why?" she asks, full of curiosity.

I hesitate, but I know she won't let it go, so I quickly say, "I'll explain later," already dreading how much I'll have to tell her before I can even tell her why. "Okay, so here's how it'll go. We'll 'run into each other' at the mall at eleven, by the big clock. You have to be all enthusiastic and drag me off – that shouldn't be too hard – and you should probably ask Sasuke to come along too, but Shiroi, that's our friend, he'll drag Sasuke off in the other direction. Then you and I high-tail it out of the mall. Preferably we'd go somewhere we're not likely to bump into the other two again."

"Alright," she giggles. "Sounds like fun. And I'm holding you to that promise!"

"Yeah, okay," I say quickly. "I'll see you on Tuesday then."

"See you!" she says, then hangs up.

That was refreshing. It really has been a while since I talked to Sakura-chan. She'll obviously want to know every freaking detail about my summer with Sasuke, and it'd only be fair for me to listen to her story too. I'm not saying I don't want to know, but I certainly won't be all over her like a girl. Now that I think about it, I wonder how all the others are doing. Gaara's got his new girlfriend to hang out with, and Sai may or may not have a girlfriend or boyfriend – still don't know. Shikamaru's probably sleeping the summer away after he got back from Nara, since no one's dragged his ass out of bed to do anything. Neji must be getting ready to leave for university soon. Same with Sui – what's Kiba going through, having to part with her? I've just realized that his situation is similar to mine and Sasuke's. Curious, I call him.

"Hey, Naruto! It's been a while."

"Yeah. How's life?" I ask. "How're things going with Sui?"

As I predicted, he gets sort of quiet. "She's leaving soon," he says. "She's going to Kyoto to study media."

"I see," I say, not wanting to ask any awkward questions. Luckily for me, Kiba chooses to elaborate.

"We've decided to separate," he explains. "It's not really very likely that we'll ever see each other again. But it was nice being with her. What about you? How's life with Sasuke turning out?"

Where do I even start? "Well, it's good so far, but I've picked up his worrywart mentality about how we've only got a year left and then we'll be separating for college. He's… clingy."

"Ah." He pauses. "Do you ever get the – the vibe… that he's kinda… too stuck on you?"

"Yes," I say without hesitation. "We've gotten too used to being together twenty-four-seven. I won't say I haven't had my crises without him, because I have—" there's no need to mention my brief… _exploration_… with Kiba that one time "—but we haven't even separated yet and he's already freaking out."

"Doesn't that annoy you?"

I'm surprised by this. "Annoy? Not at all. It upsets me, because I don't know how to help him. What do I do when _I'm _the problem?"

Kiba sighs. "You're so… understanding of each other. I don't know how you do it."

"I don't know either," I admit, then I smile. "But I like it this way. I wouldn't ever want to get angry with Sasuke, and I think he does his best not to get angry with me."

"That's all good and well, but… don't you feel like you need to argue sometimes? Hell, you and I fight all the time, but it just makes us stronger."

"I know. It's not to say we haven't argued ever, but we forgive much sooner. And we're used to talking about our problems to each other because we know we can trust each other."

"I guess." He's about to start another sentence when something on his end interrupts him. "I gotta run, Akamaru's got a fever. I'll talk to you later, alright?"

"Yeah. See ya."

It's not until I hang up that I realize Kiba didn't actually tell me much. I ended up talking about myself instead. Go figure.

I end up dozing off again until the sound of the door opening awakens me. I roll off the couch and go to help Sasuke with the groceries.

"Miss me?" he murmurs, kissing me on the cheek before we transport everything to the kitchen.

"Terribly, darling." I snicker. "How about you? Did you manage not to dissolve into tears without me?"

"It was a near thing," he replies with a smile.

Sasuke's mood is quiet as we store away the groceries. It's not that we have anything in particular to say; there's nothing wrong with a peaceable silence between us, but I feel as though he's got something on his mind. Not something that's troubling him – just something he's pondering.

After dinner, we return to the couch to cuddle. We've been on this couch enough times to know the best ways to sit or lie on it. Sometimes one of us just lies on it and the other clambers up on top. Sometimes we lie side by side, with me getting squished in the cushions and Sasuke on the edge clinging to me like he'll fall off otherwise (he won't, but it's a pretty good excuse). Sometimes we just sit together, leaning on each other, putting our arms around each other, whatever we like.

Today, Sasuke sits with the arm of the chair behind him, and the wall behind that, and I sit in between his legs and nuzzle into his chest and love the feeling of us together. His fingers sift through my hair; my hands caress his legs.

"Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

He ponders for a moment, structuring his question. "What is it like, having… being penetrated?"

This comes as something of a shock to me. Twisting around, I stare at him. "What?"

He frowns at my reaction. "I mean, I just wanted to know how you felt about it."

" 'About' it? You mean how it feels physically, or my opinion on our positions?"

"…Either. Both."

I look into his eyes, trying to figure out what he wants from me. But although he looks right back into my own eyes, he avoids my analysis, his reasoning just out of the reach of my senses. I twist around completely, sitting on his thighs with my knees around his hips, my arms over his shoulders.

"Well," I begin slowly, "my opinion… I don't really mind being the one on the bottom. I mean, there's the times I'm, y'know, on top, but you're still fucking me, so I get my share of control or whatever and I don't really feel like I need more than that."

He nods, his hands ghosting along my skin, watching me silently.

"Maybe I should feel like I need more power, but really I don't mind it. It's always been this way with us. I feel good when it's you who has the power over me. With you, anything is fine." I smile and kiss him gently on the cheek. "When you're the one taking over, when you're the one loving me, I don't care whether I have power or not. Because I know you'll love me no matter what."

"Of course," he smiles, tracing my scars slowly. I nuzzle into his touch.

"Physically… it feels great. I mean, it hurt at first, but I got used to it. The… stretching, it was kind of nice after we did it enough times. It gets to be an extension of the pleasure. And when you hit that one spot it's – my whole body lights up. Does that make sense? Did you feel it yesterday, when I did it to you?"

Sasuke's heartbeat has begun to pick up. "Yeah. I think I know what you're talking about."

"It's amazing," I say, leaning closer, putting our foreheads together. My eyelids are growing heavy with lust. "And… feeling you inside of me… when you're so warm and hard…"

Sasuke has sat up to put his arms around my waist and is now nibbling at my pulse. "Go on," he breathes.

"When you… go inside me like that, I… haah… I feel so full, like you're… filling up my heart…" I tilt my head back so that he can reach more of my skin. I lock my feet around his hips, rocking slowly in his lap, growing hard against his stomach. "To know that you're inside me, filling me up, locking us together… I… mm, oh, Sasuke…"

I push him back gently to lie down, his head propped up by the wall. I put my forehead against his, gazing into his eyes, willing him to be turned on by my stare alone. My lips are millimetres away from his. Panting, he parts them to flick out his tongue, but I just kiss the tip of it and draw back just enough to render him unable to kiss me.

"Naruto," he growls breathily, his hips rocking steadily against mine. His hands rub the skin above the waist of my jeans, smoothing along my heated torso.

"Why'd you ask?" I murmur, my voice low, my eyelids heavy.

I watch his Adam's apple dip briefly and rise again. "You… seem to enjoy it," he exhales.

"I – mmh – I do." As though for emphasis I shift my seat a little higher up on his body, grinding my ass as best I can against the bulge in his jeans. He moans deliciously.

"And… well, it hurt like a bitch, but it… wasn't so bad," he adds. "I just – I was kind of… curious, about…"

I raise my eyebrows and look back into his eyes. He avoids mine, but he seems to be holding back a question – a request.

I lower my head, tug at his earlobe with my lips. He closes his eyes and squeezes them tight as I get a hand in between his legs, past his crotch, rubbing at the denim. "Sasuke… let me show you. Let me show you how good it feels."

I can feel his uncertainty flowing into me, even as I figure out from his reaction that this is what he'd been thinking about all day. I gather up his hesitation and return it as comfort and reassurance.

"I want you to feel good," I whisper.

He is silent for a long time.

"…Okay."

Man. I don't even know what to say about this one.

Hope you liked.

R+F


	77. Wrong

Last week FF apparently decided to kill a whole load of formatting, which has changed how Two Face reads. It's not THAT big of a deal, but I consider space between scenes within a story to contribute to pacing and thus be part of the story, and they went and took all that out. I'll be using small dashes until further notice; I hope this doesn't distract anyone. I know other authors use asterisks or other symbols, but I don't like doing that. I can deal with line breaks between comments and the writing itself, but my pacing... ;_;

Short chapter. Enjoy. Also, please don't kill me?

* * *

We retreat to the bedroom, as usual. Edgy, Sasuke doesn't sit or lie down once we enter the room and close the door, so I take his hands and draw near for a kiss. We take our time warming up and removing our clothes; I undo his pants before slipping a hand in, working them down from the inside. Once we're both unclothed, I spin him around and pull his back flush to me, hugging him tightly.

"Don't worry," I murmur. "I won't hurt you, I promise."

"I'm… nervous," he admits.

"Trust me on this."

"I do." He turns his head to kiss me. "I do trust you. I'm not nervous about you."

"Are you okay with this? Do you want this?"

He nods. "I am. I do. I want you, Naruto."

"Then you have nothing to fear." I focus my mouth on the skin of his neck and my left hand on his nipples. With lube on my other hand, I take a hold of his erection, tug at it for a while, then move down, feeling the weight of his sac, then passing along the sensitive skin before coming to his entrance. He squirms a little, but I gently rub against it, getting him accustomed to the feeling. He knows it from yesterday, so it shouldn't be as bad. I continue to pamper the rest of his body while I gradually apply more pressure, still rubbing, until I can dip the very tip of my finger in. His breath hitches. His legs tremble, and I take that as a cue to sit us both down against the wall.

I stretch my legs out and get his to cross over mine. He leans back against my body, hands clutching my thighs, his head back on my shoulder as I slowly insert more of my finger, still rubbing, going in and out, to distract him from the pain and add more pleasure.

"How does it feel?" I ask him quietly.

"It's good," he breathes. "It's really good. You can – you can put in another finger."

I kiss his cheek and do as he says. He stretches his legs out farther, his heart hammering; it's quite a jump from one finger to two, and I murmur into his ear as I stretch him. It's a whole new experience from this side, to be the one having to cause the pain, to watch your lover squirming and mewling and panting in your arms. Sometimes I can't tell whether the look on his face is due to pain or pleasure. But then it could easily be both.

Sasuke grasps my wrist and I stop. "I'm ready," he mumbles.

I'm surprised by this; I haven't even put in a third finger. "Are you sure?"

He nods. We go to the bed, where he lies down and allows me to crawl in between his legs. I pause, taking in his image beneath me. Wanton eyes, pink cheeks, dishevelled hair, sweat-slicked skin: Sasuke is beautiful.

"This feels… backwards," I admit.

"You're not the only one who feels that way," he says with a small smile. He reaches up to my face and coaxes me down for a kiss. "I want to feel you, Naruto."

I can't help smiling back. Taking a deep breath, I push the head of my slicked erection into his entrance.

It's a completely different feeling, being on top. I'm the one leading us, I'm the one with all the control – and the height is dizzying. I'm afraid of doing something wrong, of hurting Sasuke, of not meeting expectations. But he breathes deeply through the pain and smiles at me, and all I can do is forge onwards.

I take it slow, not only for him but for myself as well. It's like losing my virginity all over again. And I guess, in a way, it is. For the first time my member is sheathed in an almost too-tight heat; for the first time I grip Sasuke's thighs and push myself into him. For the first time I sit with my cock pulsing in his suffocating hold, waiting for Sasuke to adjust to a pain I've already become accustomed to because of how many times we've done it over the past month. And, when he meets my eye and nods resolutely, for the first time I draw back until just the head of my member is still inside him, and for the first time I thrust into him.

Sasuke cries out, his head flying back, his legs jerking together around my waist and his nails digging into my arms. Worried, I continue slowly, carefully, kissing one eyelid and then the other. He tightens his lips, shakes his head, pulls me closer. His muscles are clenched around me so tightly that it's painful, and I know he must be hurting too from the way his body instinctively tries to reject me. I shift around, trying to find that nerve, that one place I know will eliminate all the pain and relax his muscles. I try pushing his hips into the air, lifting his legs over my shoulders, lowering my own body; but nothing seems to be working.

"Naruto," he pants, his breathing ragged and his pulse erratic, "Naruto, it… hurts…"

"I'm sorry," I murmur, placing kisses all over his skin, trying to find something. "Try to relax, breathe deep, Sasuke…"

"Touch me," Sasuke gasps. "Kiss me, Naruto—"

I immediately reach down to take a hold of his softening member, stroking him firmly, willing him to get some pleasure out of this; but his eyes are glazing over with pain and I'm not sure how long I can hold onto my own arousal. Still, he holds onto me desperately, kissing me, scratching me, his nails breaking through my skin, his arms constricting my body, his legs locked around my middle and refusing to let me go, and all I can do is keep pushing into him, keep searching.

Sasuke is crying out his agony, and I can't do anything. I've lost the drive; my own eyes are stinging now, hot tears splashing onto his flushed, pained face, and with far too much effort I pull myself out of him and collapse on top of him. A nearly inaudible whine escapes from his throat, and he hugs me fiercely, trembling.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I couldn't – I—"

He shakes his head. "Don't," he says. "It wasn't your fault."

"I hurt you. I hurt both of us. Oh, Sasuke, I'm so sorry…"

"Shh, it's alright," he murmurs soothingly, his hand gently stroking my spine, even though his voice is shaky with pain. "It's fine."

"Sasuke, please," I breathe. I turn us over, so that he is on top of me, and I reach for his lips. "I need you. Do it right. Fuck me, Sasuke."

His brow furrows at these words, and he kisses me deeply, so deeply I feel I could drown in his taste and stop breathing forever. When he pulls back, he replies, "No, Naruto. I'm going to make love to you."

* * *

Thanks for reading.

R+F


	78. Irrational

I'm kinda catching up with myself here! D: I haven't written anything substantial in about two weeks, having been stressing out over my music history exam, which was yesterday (Friday). Now that that's over and I might possibly not fail, I can get back to writing! I hope.

Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

When I wake up the following grey-sky morning, the first thing I want to do is go back to sleep and never wake up again. My chest burns with guilt and worry; I'm deathly afraid of what Sasuke might say, how he feels, what might happen to us. I lay immobile, dreading his awakening, wishing for time to stop here and now.

When I sense Sasuke's presence stir behind me, my pulse goes on overdrive. I clutch the sheets, still facing away from Sasuke, wide-eyed in terror. He rubs his eyes sleepily, turns to look at me – I can feel his eyes on the back of my head; oh, god, I can feel his gaze, he's going to—

And then he stands up and drags himself to the bathroom.

The click of the bathroom door is like the needle that pops my balloon of tension. I deflate, flopping out on the bed. Then I bury my face in the pillow and try not to cry.

I stay stock still, listening to the sound of the shower, not moving when it stops, or when Sasuke goes down the hall, or when he comes back and tapes a note to my back (I hold my breath and fear he might feel my frantic heartbeat), or when he leaves the house. I stay where I am.

I return to a turbulent sleep, drifting on the line between sleep and wakefulness, images of half-dreams haunting me and crumbling my rest. I awake a second time much later in the day. It's started to rain, wet drops pattering gently on the window. I check the note Sasuke left me, crumpled from how I've tossed and turned. All it says is _Out_.

I sigh deeply and roll onto my back, staring at Sasuke's handwriting. At least he felt okay enough to leave me a note in the usual way, although I was hiding my face so he couldn't tape it on my forehead. Is that a sign that he's okay, or is it just a habit he's gotten so used to that he didn't even connect it with last night? Is he still hurting? Physically? Emotionally? Even though we had sex again afterwards, the way we were used to it, it didn't have the same feel. There was no love; there wasn't even really lust. It was just us trying, and failing, to fix our broken hearts.

Didn't Shiroi and Takeshi go through something similar? They said they tried, and it didn't work out very well, and they very nearly broke up. Sasuke hasn't kicked me out of the house yet; he still left me a note, meaning he wants me to know where he is. But not really. "Out" doesn't tell me anything. The only thing he's done is ignore me.

I think Sasuke has a tendency to ignore me when things go wrong. Like he needs to separate us, to figure things out on his own without my presence clouding his thoughts. At least, I hope that's what he's doing. It's better than what I do, running away. At least he seems to be more rational about it, and not afraid of being near me. Just afraid of talking to me. In a way, we both like to avoid our problems.

I hope he has an umbrella. The rain is picking up outside.

Most of all, I hope he doesn't hate me. I feel awful. I wanted so much just to give him this; he did sincerely seem to want it, and I wasn't too sure about but I thought it would work out okay, like it did the very first time. I didn't think it would turn out like this. I hurt him. I hurt both of us, and the feeling of incompetence doesn't hold a candle to my guilt for causing him so much harm. If only I could've read the signs… If only I'd realized I was hurting him, I could have stopped the pain sooner and maybe it wouldn't be so much of a disaster.

Eventually hunger drives me to my feet, because it's already late afternoon and I haven't eaten since dinner last night. Unwilling to commit to a full meal in case Sasuke should return, I traipse over to the cupboard to find something to sate my stomach for the moment. After a whole pint of Sasuke's favourite red bean ice cream and a can of pop, however, I still feel so empty that I stop out of futility.

After a while, I figure out that it's not my stomach that's empty, but my heart. You'd expect this to be obvious, wouldn't you? And still Sasuke's not home.

By nine at night, I'm starting to worry. Well, no. By nine at night, I'm so fidgety I can barely think. Why is Sasuke gone this long? Did something happen to him? Is he okay and just hasn't returned yet, or did he want to return but somehow couldn't? Is he still avoiding me? Is he safe?

After half an hour of pacing around and around the bed, I finally grab my phone. I need to talk to someone, anyone. The first person to turn to is Sasuke's best friend.

"Hello?" comes Shiroi's voice.

"Shiroi?" I say, then take a breath, because my voice is coming out shaky. More calmly, I ask, "Have you seen Sasuke at all?"

Surprised, he answers, "No. Isn't he with you at home?"

"He – went out. He didn't tell me where he was going or how long he would be; he just left while I was asleep this morning. I don't know if he's just out for a long time or if he's supposed to be back by now." I stop before the panic can take over my words.

"I'm sorry, Naruto, I haven't heard from him at all. You thought he would come here?"

"Well, I mean, it's one of the likeliest places, especially considering…"

"What happened?" Shiroi asks concernedly.

Quickly I say, "Nothing."

"Naruto?" He doesn't believe me.

"I – fuck." I pass a hand over my face. "Can I trust you not to tell anyone?" I ask not because I don't trust him, but because I need to hear his calm, comforting voice right now.

"Of course." His two words give me everything I was hoping for.

"We tried to – to switch roles—" I cringe at my own euphemism "—and I hurt him. I… he didn't say anything to me this morning, and then he left. I don't think he's mad at me, but he must feel so awful, and I feel like shit for doing this to him…"

Shiroi is silent for a while. I hope it's because he's trying to think of a solution, and not because he's about to call me an idiot. I already know I'm an idiot.

"It's not your fault," he says finally. "I know you couldn't have meant to do that. That's why he isn't mad at you."

"Yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that I was the one who hurt him." I take another deep breath. "Can I ask you… what you did, when this happened to you and Takeshi?"

Another long pause punctuates the conversation. Then Shiroi says quietly, "We had to… stay away from each other, for a while. It was hard. Takeshi was… resentful, I suppose, towards me, and I felt so guilty that I didn't want to get close to him and hurt him again."

"That's how I feel," I say. "I'm afraid of hurting him. I don't know what to do."

"It's hard to say. In our case, what we really needed was comfort, but there was no one we could look to. So eventually we were pushed back together again. The thing is, none of this is ever on purpose. We may feel bad about each other for the things that happened, but in the end we can't really stay angry for long, because it's no one's fault. Do you understand that?"

"Yeah. I get it."

"And don't forget," he adds with a smile, "in your case, you have us. If you need me, you can always call. Or you can come over now, if you like, and stay the night. If you stay home alone you're just going to fret."

Shiroi's logic makes sense. "Okay. Yeah, I think I'll go over. Thanks, Shiroi."

I grab my toothbrush and something to sleep in and shove them in my otherwise empty school bag, also taking my iPod, some money, bus tickets, and my spare key. I hang around a little longer, as if Sasuke might come in at any minute, then finally give up and head out.

For the whole trip I'm practically expecting to run into Sasuke. But nothing of the sort happens; he doesn't show up on the way to the bus stop, or on the bus or the train, or at any of the stations. Of course, I tell myself, at least for transportation he would be going in a different vehicle in the opposite direction. I constantly scan the crowd, searching for him, but he's nowhere to be found.

I meet Shiroi at the station where he told me to get off, and he smiles at me and says hi and we walk to his house. I do already feel better seeing him. At least I'm not alone in this.

"Being on your own is the worst way to be worried," he says, as though reading my mind. "Worry feeds on worry, and then you're lost."

I nod gratefully. "I started thinking about all the awful things that could have happened, and I just… yeah. It's better to be with someone. With no one to ground you, you don't know where to stop and what's rational anymore."

"Exactly." He lets us into the house. "Want something to eat? You look pretty drained."

As though on cue, my stomach complains painfully. "I had ice cream for dinner," I admit.

Shiroi laughs a little at this. "Comfort food. Not a great hangover, though. Here, we've got some stuff left over."

Shiroi introduces me to his parents as a friend of his and Takeshi's and leaves it at that. They nod and smile and we exchange greetings, and then Shiroi and I head on up to his room with the food. I sit at his desk to eat, and he takes a seat cross-legged on his bed.

"I'm still kind of worried, though," I say. "I mean, I have no clue where he is or what's happened to him. You can't ignore the possibility that something bad's happened to him."

"The possibility's low," he says. "Don't get too strung out over it."

I laugh hollowly. "At this point I don't know if I can get any more strung out." As soon as I say that, my mind immediately springs to dark alleyways and shady figures. I sigh.

Shiroi is watching me quietly. His calmness comforts me, convincing me that I'm just blowing things out of proportion. If anything, you can always count on Shiroi to think rationally in times of crisis. With him here, I feel like he's watching over me, making me feel safer.

I finish eating, then follow Shiroi downstairs, dropping off the plate in the dishwasher before going to find me a sleeping bag. We set it up next to his bed and I change into some clothes for the night, not feeling awkward in the least about changing in front of Shiroi because I know he won't feel awkward either. Then I lie back on the sleeping bag, suddenly feeling exhausted, and fall asleep within seconds.

* * *

You know, it's funny, because I've been feeling pretty "strung out" this past week too. I wrote this chapter weeks ago, but this past little while I've been focusing on studying for my music history exam which was yesterday. Having done nothing to prepare all year, I ended up cramming an entire course's worth (practically a university-level course, I might add, and I'm in grade 12) of studying into a week. It was awful, and I was absolutely certain I was going to fail. And I had an essay due last week too for school, so I couldn't really study then.

I just find it interesting that Naruto's also really stressed in this chapter. Mind, it's an entirely different situation, but now I can feel what he's going through more than when I wrote it. Fretting is not fun. Any of my friends can tell you how awful it is to be ranted at about the hopelessness of it all xD

Now I'm really tired. Right now the Japanese phrase "otsukaresama" ("good job," literally translated as "you tired yourself out") really applies!

Thanks for reading! New poll on my userpage, if you'd be so kind as to shimmy on down for a vote.

R+F


	79. Guardian Angel

Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

The following morning, after we've had breakfast and are hanging out in Shiroi's room, he says, "Oh, by the way, Takeshi called last night." He smiles. "Great minds think alike, Naruto. Sasuke's with Takeshi."

I nearly fall off the bed in relief. Shiroi just chuckles at this.

"He said Sasuke's going home this morning, so you probably want to go talk to him," he goes on.

"Yeah," I say, springing to my feet, then pause. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me yet?"

"Of course he does. I'm sure he's talked it all over with Takeshi. Sasuke's pretty rational about these kinds of things. He probably wants to see you right now."

I frown at this, because I don't agree. But it is true that I want to go see Sasuke, and I trust Shiroi's judgement. So I pack up, thank him profusely for his hospitality and emotional comfort, and hurry home.

As I'm unlocking the door of Sasuke's house, I hear heavy footsteps down the hall. My heart leaping, I wrench it open. At almost exactly the same time, Sasuke slides into view.

We stare at each other for what seems like forever. I'm frozen with a hand on the door, watching him; his eyes are wide with hurt – worry – anger – love. Then he opens his mouth to speak and nothing but a squeak comes out, and I snap out of my stupor to step inside and close the door behind me.

"You idiot," he breathes, his voice trembling. "What the hell were you thinking?"

I immediately go to him, stopping short, afraid of touching him in case his body is still remembering that night. "I'm sorry," I murmur. "I'm so sorry, Sasuke. I didn't mean to – I – Sasuke…"

I tentatively raise a hand, and he takes it instantly, and before I can stop myself I've taken a hold of him and pressed my lips softly, so softly against his, which are chapped and yet still give me the same comfort they always have.

"I'm sorry," I say again. "You don't have to forgive me."

He frowns, confusion marring his worry. "Naruto… why wouldn't I forgive you?"

"Why would you?"

"All you had to do was leave a note."

I stop and blink. "What?"

"I was so – I was worried," he says. "I came back home this morning expecting to be able to see you, to be able to talk it all over, and you weren't here. No sign of you whatsoever. Didn't you even think to leave me a note, something to tell me where you'd gone?"

Suddenly I realize we're talking about two different things. He's reprimanding me for leaving in a hurry yesterday, whereas I'm apologizing for hurting him two nights ago.

"Oh – oh. That."

His eyes widen. "You were talking about – never mind that, I thought you'd been kidnapped or something!" he says. "Why didn't you leave me a note? A message?"

"I – you're not angry about two nights ago?"

"Angry?" His voice falters. More quietly he says, "No… not angry. It wasn't your fault. I know that. But listen to me, Naruto – you had me worried sick! You can't just disappear like that!"

I sigh and lean forward, resting my forehead on his shoulder. "You're not the only one who was worried shitless," I mutter. "I thought you'd been – mugged or something – why didn't you call me?"

He winces; I can feel it in the tension of his body. "I… wasn't ready to talk to you."

"Oh." I can't argue with this. "Then you should have asked Takeshi to call me. Sasuke, you can't just leave and not tell me where you're going or how long you'll be. If you told me not to come get you, I wouldn't have."

"…I'm sorry." He squeezes me briefly in apology.

"Me too. And for before, for what started all of this."

"It's not your fault," he says, shaking his head.

"Doesn't stop me from feeling so guilty I could lock myself up."

He nods. "That's why I know we'll be okay."

I coax him off of me and we go to sit on the couch together. More than anything, we need to talk. I sit cross-legged and sideways on the couch so that I can face him, and take his hands in mine and will him to lock eyes with me.

"Are you sure you're alright? Physically, emotionally?"

"It's nothing time can't fix." His thumbs rub the middle of my palms, and I clutch the sides of his hands more tightly with my fingers. Then, almost as though to himself, he mumbles, "I wanted to believe it would work out."

I stay still, discerning his emotions.

"I thought it would work. I knew it was going to hurt, but I thought that would change after a while. After we got into it."

"I couldn't do it," I whisper. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"If it's any consolation, I've pretty much given up on being a guy," I mutter.

"Naruto," he says, so evocatively that it forces me to look into his resolute face. "Not everything works out. Sometimes accidents happen, right? It's got nothing to do with your ability to do anything."

He stares into my eyes, but all I can do is stare back despairingly. His calmness is so unexpected, I feel as though I'm missing something here.

"Sometimes things go wrong," he says. "But it'll be okay in the end. I know it will."

"Why are you so optimistic?" I breathe.

"Because I want to love you," he replies.

—

Our bed sees little activity besides sleeping for the next few days. I have to call Shiroi and Sakura-chan to tell them the plan's off for Tuesday; what Sasuke and I really need right now is time together, to mend our broken trust.

The thing that's so confusing about all this is that neither of us is angry with the other. On my side, I feel infinitely guilty, and I can't get rid of that without input from Sasuke – and even _with_ that I can't seem to bring myself to get over it. On Sasuke's side, he isn't angry, doesn't blame me, but physically he isn't sure he can trust me anymore even if mentally he knows he can. I'm all too familiar with his predicament. I've experienced it, all of it.

The one thing I can do to make his situation different from mine is to be there for him. I'm not due to go off anywhere; I can stay here with him, be close to him, help him readjust to my touch. We spend these days in a near-constant state of physical contact; it seems we're almost never apart, even in the house. We slowly, gently stoke our passion and love, kissing, touching, moving against each other in the return to intimacy. We re-explore everything, making sure we're aware of each other's bodies, aware of every dip and curve and angle.

I feel, within these days, that there's been a subtle shift in power dynamics. Sasuke has come to rely on me, not only emotionally with the resurfacing of his family issues and his sudden possessiveness, but also physically now, even more after I hurt him. I don't understand his logic at all, but I assume my role as protector and comfort him in every way I can, and I feel his gratitude when he touches me.

But a teenage boy deprived of sex while in the constant company of his lover will not stay pacified for long. I feel my blood stirring every time we tangle bodies. It's hard to constantly force my hips not to roll against his, but my days of holding out finally see an end when we're kissing on the couch, I raise my knee, my leg slips in between his, and he suddenly grinds his hips against my thigh, murmuring into my mouth. I blink a couple of times before I can see properly, then I look questioningly into Sasuke's eyes. He just looks back at me softly, then presses his hips into me once more. That pretty much seals it.

It doesn't take much to get us both to full mast, erections straining within the confines of jeans, our heartbeats accelerated and our breathing laboured. He kisses me everywhere, leaving tingling imprints of his lips all over my skin, still rolling his hips slowly all the while. In return I stroke his body wherever I can reach, running my hands up and down his sides, holding his hips as he rocks into me, reaching between his legs to rub the bulge in his pants. He moans quietly and pushes into my hand, his face a portrait of heaven, sending my hormones into overdrive.

"Mm, Naru…" he murmurs, tilting his head to kiss me better. I allow him to devour my taste, my essence. He breaks off to lower himself upon me and whisper in my ear: "Can I have you?"

"Take me," I reply, shivering with need.

He nods once before reaching down to my pants. We shed our clothes quickly, then return to each other skin on skin. Sasuke's skin burns with desire, as though drawn to me, to my very essence. He pushes himself into me like he needs me to give myself to him, and I do – I give him my everything: my body, my soul, my heart and mind. I wrap my legs around him and engulf him, protect him, encompass him. And I learn that you don't have to be the one doing the thrusting to be the one dominating, the one protecting, the one loving.

* * *

I've been a little low on the creativity front for the past while. My updates are catching up with my buffer, so I won't be updating next weekend. Hopefully I'll get back into the groove by then.

See you in two weeks.

R+F


	80. Festival

Out of boredom, I bring you your chapter a day early. Unfortunately I haven't been nearly as productive over the past two weeks as I'd have liked, so updates will remain at once every two weeks until I can get ahead again.

* * *

There's a festival on the last day of August, the day before we're due to ship off back to Konoha High. It sounds like fun, so I call everyone to invite them to get together on that day. Everyone agrees except for Neji, who's already in Tokyo (I forgot until I called him and he had to remind me), and Shikamaru, who's in—

"Kyoto! ?"

"Sorry," comes Shikamaru's voice over the phone. "I woulda told you earlier, but there hasn't really been time and you haven't been in the chat room online. I was packing up until we left and now I'm unpacking."

"But – but why are you in Kyoto?"

"Couple of reasons. Dad's office has moved there, and he made me finish high school in the summer so I could start university there this year." He heaves a huge sigh. "I've never been so busy in my entire life."

"I can believe that, coming from you. Wow. So you jumped right into university? But I thought applications were due—"

"In the spring, I know. Don't ask me, my dad did it all. Otherwise I never woulda bothered. He's just dragging me along now."

"So… what are you studying?"

"Computer programming."

"Computer – oh, that's cool."

"It's interesting, I guess, but it's _work_. At least with shogi I can choose whether or not to play."

"Is it like shogi?" I ask; we all know of Shikamaru's hobby of cracking out the old Japanese chess board with Asuma-sensei. I wonder if Asuma-sensei knows Shikamaru's gone.

"Not at all. Dad kept saying things about the logic and stuff, but you're not trying to beat anyone in programming."

"You should make a living out of being a strategist. Join the army or something, or design board games."

"I should make a living out of sleeping."

"Don't we all wish we could do that?"

"Yeah, but you're still talking." He yawns.

I laugh. "Okay, fine, I'll leave you alone. This kinda sucks though, you not being here."

"I know, and everyone here's really geeky and likes math and stuff. So much brainpower…"

"You'd fit in if you cared."

"Meh." Just goes to show. "Well, see ya."

"Hopefully," I reply. "Bye."

The beep that ends the call seems to put a period on the end of the sentence: Shikamaru is gone. Realizing I'm staring at my cellphone as though hoping Shikamaru will just jump out of it, I put it down on the table.

—

"Hey," says Takeshi squished up next to Shiroi in his giant bean bag, "since it'll the last day of summer, and there's a festival, and – well, just 'cause, wanna do a gift exchange?"

Sasuke turns onto his side on the couch, his head in my lap, and asks, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Shir and I can get something for you guys, and you get something for us. But secretly, see. We decide on a price range and go wild."

Everyone likes this idea, so we settle on a price and agree to bring our gifts when we meet on the 31st.

"You know, I kind of hate having a big event on the last day," I say. "You end up being excited for it to come, and then when it does and it's over we have school again."

Takeshi and Takeshi nod, and Sasuke sighs. I run a thumb along his bottom lip, and he kisses it lightly before sticking his tongue out to lick it. I watch, allowing him to take the digit into his mouth, my other fingers playing against his cheek.

"What are you doing?" I murmur, not because I think it's weird or inappropriate.

"What does it look like I'm doing, dobe?" he replies, his tongue moving against my thumb. "I'm licking you."

"It's hot when you say it like that," Takeshi sniggers.

Shiroi adds, "If I couldn't see you, I would have assumed it was more like _this_," and pounces on Takeshi and drags his tongue roughly up the other's jaw. Takeshi exhales loudly, automatically tilting his head to allow Shiroi better access.

I laugh out loud. "I'm gonna miss hanging out with you guys."

At this the name twins exchange glances, then smile at each other.

"Yeah," says Takeshi. "It's been a great summer. If you can have more than one soulmate, you guys would be my other two."

This has easily been the greatest summer of my life. I mean, it doesn't have much to contend with, but what with meeting Takeshi and Takeshi and being with Sasuke and learning more about him, there's simply no question about it. I smile at Sasuke, who gives me a heart-melting smile of his own in return. Then he licks my thumb again, and I wipe his saliva off on his cheek.

—

When I wake up the day before the festival, Sasuke's already out of bed and the warm smell of pancakes is wafting down the hall.

"Sasukeeeeee," I call from the bedroom.

"Narutoooooo," he replies from the kitchen. I hear him come down the hall and enter the room. He sits down next to me, and I shift a little to put my head in his lap. Combing my hair gently, he asks, "What is it, dobe?"

"Since it's a festival, can we wear yukata?"

"Of course we can, but I don't have one."

"What, and you think I do?" I say. "Why the hell would either of us need a yukata?"

"Exactly. We've got to get something for Takeshi and Takeshi as well, so we need to go out anyway. So why don't you get out of bed, and then we can have breakfast and go look for something to wear tomorrow?"

—

"You know," says Sasuke as we enter the mall, "yukata are expensive."

"I know. Sakura-chan has one and she told me all about it. You gotta have the inside bit, and the waist thingy, and the shoes and socks, and—"

"There are names for all of those, dobe."

"You expect me to know them?"

"It isn't really that hard. Come on."

We go to the mall's huge department store. Since summer is almost over, the yukata are on sale (although Sasuke says the prices will drop even further after school starts). We head over to the men's section to check out potential outfits.

"Is it just me, or does this feel like dressing for a formal dinner or something?" I ask, looking at a dark green pattern with pink lotus flowers all over it. "I've never been to one, but suits and things are expensive too. Why buy such an expensive thing if you're almost never going to use it?"

"That's how the economy works," Sasuke shrugs. "Do you like this one?"

I turn to the sky blue yukata he's holding up, green dragons playing around it. "Nah, too… Chinese. Hey, we should find stuff that matches."

He smiles. "You're so cute, Naru."

I roll my eyes at this, then continue down the rack. The next one to catch my eye is solid black with bright red clouds drifting across. "Sasuke, how about this? You always wear black."

He looks at it, then immediately scowls and turns away. "No. Reminds me of Akatsuki."

"Oh." I put it back. "We have to consider the colour of the sash thing too, right? Gah, I don't know anything about matching colours. We should ask Sai."

"Sai knows colours?"

"Well, duh, he's an artist. Kinda figures he's gay, eh?"

"Naruto, don't be mean. That's stereotyping."

I raise an eyebrow. "For one, we're also gay. For another, he's so blatantly gay you would know from miles away. He doesn't even care anymore."

"Have you seen him lately?"

"Nah. I called him a few weeks ago but he was at the Stoneheads in broad daylight, roaring drunk. The only other time I talked to him was when I invited everyone to the festival. We're gonna have to all catch up when school starts again." I guess that I am a little excited for school, if only because I'll get to see my friends, who I haven't hung with in ages. Not that I'm complaining about spending all summer with Sasuke.

Finally, with the help of one of the employees, Sasuke picks out a simple navy blue yukata with abstract patterns, while I get a pale orange one with fireworks exploding all over it. We decide to trade colours for the sash, mine navy and his orange. I can't help smiling, and neither can Sasuke. I feel like I'm making a very outward statement in choosing to wear this with Sasuke, as though we feel the need to proclaim our relationship. But in the end it's just for our own fun. We get shoes and socks too, and the total comes up to so much that I'll probably be paying Sasuke back for the next year. I would never let him pay for it all on his own, so after a lot of arguing he finally agrees to let me repay him in bits and pieces.

"So, now all we need is a present for the name twins," I say. "What kind of present are we thinking?"

"I really don't know," he replies thoughtfully. "For all that they fit like yin and yang, I can't think of any sort of joint present."

"Me neither. I don't know what kind of gift we could receive, either."

We fall into thoughtful silence, looking all around for something that might pique our interest. It's strange – although Takeshi and Takeshi are always together, they don't really exist as a unit to me: I focus more on their individualities coming together. In a way, I feel that about Sasuke too. We're so different that it's hard to graft us together like that. We're not exactly _one_, but we're not quite two either.

"Well," says Sasuke, "we have our necklaces, don't we? They match. Maybe we should get them something similar."

"True. But what do we get? Necklaces as well?"

Sasuke stops, and I follow suit, turning to see a spark in his eye.

"Earrings." He drags me over to an earring stand.

"Earrings?" I repeat. "I didn't know they wore earrings."

"Usuratonkachi. Well, at least that tells me you're not ogling Takeshi." He chuckles, and I smile too. "Takeshi's worn earrings sometimes, but nothing that really stands out, and Shiroi's got one ear pierced but he never wears anything. I was thinking we could find them a pair that match, so they could each wear one."

I find myself nodding. "That's a good idea. By the way, teme, how do I know _you're_ not ogling them, the way you seem to know all these tiny details?"

Sasuke just shakes his head in exasperation. "It came up while I was talking with Shiroi, and I noticed Takeshi's after that. And, you never notice anything, dobe."

We look around for a bit and eventually agree on a yin and yang pair, with one earring being the white side with the black dot, and the other the black side with the white dot. The dots are gems of some sort, and the surrounding parts are glass, with the whole thing rimmed and backed with metal. The earrings fit nicely into our price range and come in a little box. Sasuke jokes that I should mock propose to Takeshi with it. I nearly trip over myself out of laughter, and also out of surprise: I never expected Sasuke to turn that into something worth joking about. With his light-hearted comment on a heavy subject comes a sense of deep trust, a promise to me that he is doing what he can to turn this situation back up. And that's worth more than any oath to spend the rest of our lives together.

It's a good thing we wake up somewhere in the middle of the morning on the 31st, because neither of us has ever put on a yukata before. An employee showed us how it works yesterday and the yukata came with instructions, but it's still a hassle putting it on. The stiff sash feels weird around my waist, preventing me from bending at the middle, and the socks that separate the big toe from the rest of the toes aren't exactly everyday wear either – nor are the blocky wooden shoes that clomp with every step. But eventually we figure ourselves out and, hand in hand in our matching yukata, head out.

It's a roaring hot summer day, as though even the weather is clinging to the last of the vacation. The market is buzzing with people, some in normal garb and some in traditional wear like us. Luckily the number of companies giving out free plastic fans is quite large and nearly every shop has its air conditioning on full blast. Within minutes of entering the area where the advertising is thickest, we're assaulted by a group of colourfully clothed people.

"Hey!" calls one over-enthusiastic looking guy. "You two, in the orange and navy!"

I blink. "Us?"

The group surrounds us, chattering eagerly. I don't know whether to feel special or invaded.

"Ooh," says a girl a little younger than us, "your yukata are soooo cute! I love the way you match!"

"Uh… thanks, I guess," I say, confused.

"Are you making a statement?" asks the first guy. "I bet you are, aren't you?"

"A statement? Hardly," Sasuke shrugs. "We just thought it would be nice to complement each other."

"Are you guys some sort of gay pride group?" I ask.

"Yeah!" they chorus, and the first guy, who seems to be the leader of their group, says, "We're Konoha's Gay-Straight Alliance. We're like peacekeepers, bringing together people of all orientations. We want people to be more open and accepting. I'm sure that as gays you know how it feels to be attacked for your orientation."

"Actually, we haven't had that many problems," I say, thinking. "I mean there was one guy, but he's always had it in for me. Other than that, most of the people we've met have taken it neutrally or positively."

"Really? That's fantastic! How'd you do it?"

"Well, it probably helped that _he's_ the most popular guy in our school year," I offer, nodding at Sasuke. "A lot of the girls took to it pretty well, after the initial disappointment of his no longer being available."

Sasuke glances over at me and smiles at the memory, but his eyes are saying, _You don't need to tell them our entire life story. _I smile back apologetically.

The guy nods knowingly. "Yeah, we've found the shounen-ai fangirls are a great link for our group. Anyway, thanks so much for sharing with us! Here, have some fans! You guys are already fine, so we gotta go convert some other people. Nice talking to ya! Spread the love!"

And, still stunned by their overwhelming energy, we stand in moderate shock as they hurry away to attack someone else.

"Well that was… intense," Sasuke says.

I nod. "No kidding. I didn't even know gay-straight alliances existed before now. I guess it's a good idea."

I glance at the plastic fans they gave us. They sport the English letters KGSA in rainbow gradient on either side.

"English letters?"

I look up. Shiroi's almost face-to-face with me, also looking at the fan. Startled, I step back.

"Whoa, when did you get here?"

He laughs, and Takeshi comes up next to him. "We just got here. Looks like this Konoha Gay-Straight Alliance is going for the trendy side of life. 'Openness and acceptance makes you cool,' that's what they want people to feel."

"Huh?"

He chuckles. "Don't mind me, I'm just prattling on about media psychology. Good thing they mobbed you, or we might not have found you in this crowd."

"Although it wouldn't be all that hard anyway," Takeshi chimes in, "with the matching thing you've got going on. It's cute," he adds, winking.

Sasuke smiles at this. I take a moment to observe the name twins' outfits: Takeshi has on a neutral purplish yukata with pink cherry blossoms on it, a sky-blue band around his waist, and Shiroi's got dark red with classic white fans and a black band. At the same time I discreetly look at their ears to see that, indeed, Takeshi's wearing small, unobtrusive studs and a band at the top of one ear, while Shiroi has an empty hole in his left earlobe.

Sasuke looks at me, noticing where my eyes are, and nudges me gently. I glance over, then smile.

"Alright, wanna do the gift exchange now or later?" I ask them.

They consider it, then agree that now is fine. I reach into the folds of my yukata, fasten my fingers around the box, and, trying not to dissolve into laughter, get down as best I can on one knee in front of Takeshi.

"Takeshi—" I begin, then realize I don't even know his last name. "Uh…"

"Satou," he offers, disbelief temporarily suspended.

"Satou Takeshi," I say, and pull out the box, "will you marry—"

Sasuke bursts out laughing. I glare at him for killing the joke, but he can't stop and I'm not actually angry with him and it's all so funny that soon I'm laughing too, gasping for air.

"Oh my god," says Takeshi in his best fangirl voice, "yes, Naruto, I will _totally_ marry you! Like, oh my god, I am sooo happy!" At this point he stops because he's also laughing too hard, and it takes us all a good few minutes to calm down enough to talk again.

"_Any_way," I chuckle, "here's your present."

I hold out the box, and Takeshi takes it and they both peer at it as they open it.

"Wow, cool," says Takeshi. "Neat idea!"

"Joint presents are hard to think of," I say. Takeshi and Takeshi nod in agreement.

"Here's yours," says Shiroi, pulling slightly larger metal box out of his own yukata, "but you can't open it until you find the key."

Sasuke raises an eyebrow. "And where would this key be hiding?"

"Somewhere in your house." The name twins smile triumphantly.

"When the hell did you hide a key at our place?" I ask, incredulous.

"Oh, you know, we have our ways. By the way, that's also the answer to the question you'll ask when you see the present."

"What?"

"It'll all make sense eventually," says Shiroi, waving it away. "Now come on, we've got a festival to enjoy!"

We meet the others, grab food from the various stalls along the streets, and spend the hours until dusk playing festival games. Shiroi's the only one of us who can successfully catch a goldfish with a plastic ring covered in flimsy rice paper, and we all watch in fascination as he carefully transfers two fish, one white and one red, into his possession before giving them to Takeshi. Sasuke and I mock him for the cute sentiment. Then, when it's finally dark out, we all head to the river to watch the fireworks.

Konoha's fireworks are nothing to boast about, but it's still fun to watch as half an hour and thousands of dollars of explosives take to the sky and erupt in flashes of colour and light. I manage to grab a couple of photos with my phone's camera, although they don't do justice to the rocketing streaks and sparkling clouds. Then, tired and happy and dimly wishing the night would never end, we all head home.

"It was fun hanging out with you guys this summer," I say to the name twins before we part ways at the train station. "We'll have to get together again soon to tell each other all about school and stuff."

Shiroi nods absently, and Takeshi looks away, whistling innocently.

"What?"

"Nothing," says Shiroi with a smile. "This is our train."

"See you soon," says Takeshi, holding up a hand. I give him a high five. "Don't forget to look for that key!"

* * *

See you in two weeks. Thanks for reading!

R+F


	81. Fireworks Inside

I'm gone this week, so I'm updating a few days early. Enjoy!

* * *

It takes nearly an hour, but we finally locate the tiny key stuffed in a fold of the bottom of the couch that we didn't even know existed. We quickly open the box. Within it is a white, capsule-shaped plastic object, small enough to fit in a film canister, with a wire sticking out of one end. Attached to the other end of the wire is a small, boxish plastic thing with a switch on it.

"What is this?" Sasuke asks, holding up the switch box to look more closely at it, while I peer at the capsule. "It's so… random."

"Dunno," I reply. "Does it have batteries in it? Turn it on."

He flicks the switch. The capsule begins to buzz in my hand. Startled, I drop it, the sudden jerk pulling it out of Sasuke's limp hand. It continues to rumble across the floor until Sasuke switches it off.

Sasuke blinks. "It's… oh fuck no." He starts to laugh.

"What? Teme, whaaaaat?"

"You seriously don't know?"

"Well I can tell it buzzes, but what's it for?"

Sasuke rolls his eyes and sighs at my stupidity.

"I'll show you." He puts on his sexy-as-fuck face, then leans in and drags his tongue open-mouthed along my collarbone.

"Mmnh – Sasuke…?"

But he ignores my protest, and soon my curiosity is pushed aside by my lust, helped along by Sasuke's licking and nudging. It's not until we're panting and hard that he finally pauses. He holds up the capsule end of the device. "Okay, usuratonkachi, look. You see this?"

"No," I say sarcastically.

He ignores me. "You turn it on, it vibrates."

"Uh huh."

"It's small, right? So it can fit places."

"Yeah, so? It's not like…" I frown, trying to figure out what he's getting at.

"Idiot, it's a sex toy."

"…Oh. _Ohh_." I blink. "How the hell did they get it?"

"No clue," says Sasuke, just as mystified. "You'd have to be of legal age to get into an adult store… Maybe Takeshi got his brother to do it."

I laugh at this. "Maybe. So… this… thing. You're really supposed to put it…?"

Sasuke's eyes spark with fire. Before I know it he's pinned me to the couch, hovering above me on all fours and reducing me to a panting, writhing mess with his touch and his tongue and his low, husky voice.

"Mm, Naruto… you're so easy to take advantage of," he smirks.

"Sasuke…" I begin, but he puts a finger to my lips, effectively silencing me. I stare at the blurry fingertip, then open my mouth to let it in, taking a hold of his wrist. I drag my tongue along the digit sensually, closing my lips around it, sucking on it. Sasuke moans breathily, his eyes fixed on my actions.

"Fucking hell," he whispers hoarsely. "What are you – nnh – Naruto, what are you doing?"

I look up at him through hooded eyes, and as soon as our gazes lock together a shiver courses through his entire body.

"Just licking," I murmur around his finger. "Don't you like it?"

At these words I move to take his hand away from my mouth, but he automatically resists. "Don't stop."

I smile and slip another finger into my mouth. He sits on my hips, still rolling his slowly, a look of complete rapture on his face as I pamper his hand with my tongue, moving on to lick his palm, nipping at his fingertips, kissing his thumb. By the time I'm through, his hand is thoroughly covered in saliva.

"Didn't you ever stop to wonder where this hand's been?" he asks amusedly, bringing it up to his own mouth. He sticks one wet finger in, luxuriously savouring my taste.

"On your cock," I smirk, sitting up to kiss him.

"Yeah, and up your ass."

Sasuke sits back and quickly unties the stiff belt around his waist, then makes sure he has my attention before tugging his yukata apart and shrugging it off, first one shoulder, then the other, letting it slip off his slim frame and reveal his pale, smooth skin. Impatient, I get off the couch to kneel between his legs, feeling whatever skin I can see and even some hiding under the folds of his robe. Eventually I throw the thing off of him, leaving it pinned under his body as he pulls his shaft out of his boxers. He just looks at me and cocks an eyebrow, and I smile back before scrambling between his legs on the floor.

I lean my elbows across his thighs, lacing my fingers together and placing my chin on them, before looking up past his shaft into his face. He wets his lips, scarcely breathing out of anticipation.

"Well?" he says.

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" I ask innocently. He growls a playful warning in the back of his throat. "Okay, okay."

I stick out my tongue and give his shaft a long, hard lick, which runs out of saliva halfway up and turns into a rough friction that makes Sasuke grunt and dig his nails into my shoulder. Snickering, I kiss the leaking tip gently before engulfing the entire thing. Sasuke spreads his legs wider, tossing his head back and moaning without restraint; his hand is buried in my hair, clutching a handful and urging me on as I bob up and down on his member. It isn't long before I can feel the telltale signs of his approaching climax: the tensing of muscles, the clenching preparation, his brow knitted and his eyes shut tight. At the last possible second, I jerk away, removing all contact.

Sasuke is still for a moment, as though anticipating the final explosion. When it doesn't come, he opens his eyes.

"What the fuck, dobe?" he pants, face flushed, hair dishevelled. All in all not a very frightening figure.

I simply grin wickedly at him.

"Naruto…"

"Hey, you're not the only one who wants to cum here," I say. "Gimme a chance, teme."

He lifts a foot and works it under me, finding the bulge in my pants and nudging it firmly. I rock into the movements, but he stops immediately. "You don't get to cum 'til I do. Suck it, usuratonkachi."

"Mean, teme," I pout. I get up on my knees to kiss him, and he grabs the back of my head and pulls me in fiercely, scouring my mouth with his tongue. Desperate for some relief, I grind into the edge of the couch, moaning. At least the fucking couch doesn't talk back.

"What's this? Stooping so low as to hump the couch?" he smirks.

"Well since you're not about to give me any relief, I figured I may as well find someone who isn't stingy." I add another roll for emphasis, moaning and fluttering my eyelashes in front of him. I swear I see a muscle in his face twitch.

"Naruto, come here," he whispers, his tongue running over his thin lips, giving them an alluring sheen. I swallow, throat suddenly dry, and stand up to capture those lips with my own. Leaning over him, I join our mouths, sighing with satisfaction. As our tongues tangle together, his hands sneak into the folds of my yukata, tweaking my nipples and sending shivers through my body before tossing the garment in a pile at my knees. Then he coaxes me up to sit in his lap, my knees around his waist.

He takes a minute to slick his fingers with lube, then swiftly thrusts one into my entrance. I cry out uninhibitedly, pressing my face into his collarbone as my back arches with painful satisfaction. He doesn't even stop long enough to search for my prostate, just works with two fingers on getting my ring of muscles loosened up. He taps the side of my head for another kiss, which I give him before feeling something, cold and hard and definitely not a part of Sasuke's body, pressing against my entrance.

"I know it's not me, but you're gonna have to let it in anyway," he murmurs against my cheek. "Trust me, it'll be worth it."

"It's smaller than two of your fingers, teme, I'm not gonna start crying."

He shrugs, then pushes it in with one swift movement. My body racks with pleasure as it strikes my prostate dead-on.

"Bull's-eye," he smirks. "Is it touching?"

"Yeah," I breathe. "Is it – are you turning it on now?"

His smirk turns purely wicked. "It's not the only thing I'll be turning on…"

I gulp and my muscles instinctively tense in preparation, but nothing could prepare me for the sudden jolt of sensation that shocks my entire system as my prostate is abused by the tiny buzzing capsule held tight within me. My strength instantly gives and I collapse in a heap on top of Sasuke, my body convulsing with pleasure, hands clutching his shoulders so hard my knuckles burn, writhing in his lap as my vocal cords tear themselves out at the overload of adrenaline that floods me. My vision goes white, my heart clenching erratically.

When I finally get a grasp on my senses, it's to feel Sasuke's hands blazing all over my body, his mouth on my exposed neck, his cock rubbing against mine between our torsos. My chest heaving, my body still convulsing occasionally at the continued barrage of sensation to my prostate, I drag his mouth into as much of a kiss as I can manage when my body is in desperate need of oxygen.

"Good?" he asks, watching me through lust-glazed eyes.

"Yes," I pant, then cry out as another shock of pleasure sends sparks into my vision. My breath burns my throat, my skin scorching wherever it comes in contact with Sasuke. "Ohh – fuck, I'm—"

Quick as a flash, the buzzing transfers itself from my sense of touch to my hearing. I blink in confusion as the coil in my abdomen begins to relax, then feel the beginnings of disappointment douse my fire.

Sasuke smirks at me and dangles the still-running vibrator in front of my face. "Now, Naru-chan, we can't have you ending so soon."

"Teme—"

"You get what you give, dobe." He flicks the vibrator off.

I scowl, then grab the lube and quickly coat Sasuke's shaft with it. I give it a swift tug, which translates itself into a flicker of pleasure on Sasuke's face. I wait for him to open his eyes, then I stare at him. He looks back at me for a moment, then something settles in his expression. He knows what I'm about to say, what I want to do.

"Is it okay?" I ask him.

The uncertainty is only present in his gaze for a second before he becomes resolute. "Yes."

Still, I'm not sure. "You do it," I tell him.

He doesn't get upset or try to force me into it. He just says, "Okay," and coaxes me to lie across the couch under him. Then he takes my wrist and guides my hand to his entrance.

With his direction, I gently rub against his skin. His breath hitches at the contact, but he remains still as he slides one of my fingers in. I search for a little bump, the bundle of nerves that will clear the discomfort. It isn't long before I find it, but despite the bliss on Sasuke's face he doesn't linger. He signals me to pull out, then I watch as he takes the vibrator and carefully positions it against his prostate.

When he flicks it on, his face shows a similar shock to the one I experienced – one of surprise and utter pleasure. He trembles above me, his abs tensing with the sensation, his voice coming in short bursts of breathy moaning. I reach a hand up to his face to caress it gently, tucking his hair back, seeing my cock jump at the erotic display before me.

Eventually Sasuke gathers enough lucidity to tap the side of my thigh. Taking the cue, I pull my knees up and hook my legs over his shoulders, raising my hips to meet his. Still shaking and moaning, he quickly buries himself to the hilt within me. I gasp and squeeze around him, and all at once he cums, his entire body taken over by orgasm. He utterly collapses on me, unable to hold himself up, spent.

"Ohh… fuck," he breathes. Shakily he takes out the vibrator, turns it off, and tosses it to the other side of the couch.

"Was it that good?" I ask, smiling.

"Hell yes." He turns his head and weakly kisses my cheek.

I chuckle. "And here I thought I was the one who was always too quick."

"You try getting your prostate and cock assaulted at the same time."

"Uh, that's what I do every time, teme." I roll my hips, and he winces as his now extremely sensitive member rubs against mine. "Now you've left me high and dry."

"Sorry," he murmurs sleepily.

"Well at least get off of me so I can jack off or something."

"Mmh…"

I roll my eyes and sigh. He's already asleep.

* * *

Heh, vibrators.

Got a few more questions for the character interviews, so shimmy on over to my forums to check them out! I'd also love it if anyone else could ask some questions. Don't you all want to hear more from your favourite Two Face characters? ;)

R+F


	82. Abstinence

Hello my lovely readers~ You get a chapter today! Yay! Here's why:

1. I've gotten back into the groove of writing – I'm working on chapter 90 right now, so I'll be monitoring my speed and hopefully we'll be back to weekly updates.

2. I got a scholarship for writing from my creative writing class. I haven't even digested yet how much this means to me. Writing has always been just a hobby of mine, a creative outlet. I'm the kind of person who needs to be told what to do in order to do it – no self-motivation. To be recognized for something I've achieved all on my own is just… amazing. Well, not entirely on my own – only with the help of all my supportive friends, my great betas, and my wonderful readers. I know I've said this before, but thank you to everyone who's ever read my work and left comments. Critiques, questions, praises, complaints – it doesn't matter. Feedback is, well, what feeds me. To know you're invested enough in _my_ story to put in your own two cents. Do you know how many cents that makes altogether? Me neither, but I'm spending my 200$ scholarship on books.

I know I just updated last week, and a PWP in the middle of the week (if you haven't read it yet and are into NaruSasu, check it out), but, well, I like updating! And I know you like getting updates. Win-win! Enjoy.

* * *

We wake up late the next morning, feeling distinctly put out. Students will trickle into the school for the next day or so, so we're in no particular hurry; but we've already decided that today's the day we'll be returning and we've already packed everything and booked the cab. We make one last round of the house, checking for forgotten possessions.

"This feels almost like déjà-vu," I say with a bit of a smile. "When we left our dorm at the end of the summer, I felt the same way. Like I'll be leaving the only home I've really ever had."

Sasuke takes my hand and kisses me sweetly, so sweetly. "Home is where the heart is," he whispers into my ear. "Wherever you are, I'm home."

—

We run into some people on our way from the front gates to the dorm building. We're in the third years' building this year, the farthest from the main buildings. Most of the people we see are just familiar faces, no good friends or classmates. A few girls, both recognizable and not, chirp and giggle amongst themselves as we pass hand in hand. A couple of guys wave. Despite the amazing summer we've had, it does feel good to be back. Well, after all, I've lived here all my life. I'm comfortable here.

When we enter the dorm building, we consult the lists posted by the door to see what room we're in.

"117," I read, then do a double take, because the other name next to 117 isn't Sasuke's. "Wait… we're not together?"

I blink, then realize how stupid I've been. Of course we wouldn't be together. That would just be too much of a coincidence to happen again; and we all have the sneaking suspicion that they don't make the dorm arrangements totally randomly. The teachers have a pretty good idea of who knows whom, who gets along and who doesn't. It's not exactly a secret that Sasuke and I are together. They wouldn't dare put us in the same room.

"Don't worry too much about it," Sasuke says quietly, although the disappointment is evident in his voice too. "We'll still be able to visit each other and such."

"Yeah," I say with a sigh of resignation.

"Look at it this way," he says with a wry smile, "it'll help us wean ourselves away from each other so that we don't get separation anxiety come next year."

"You say it like it's a good thing that I won't be constantly wishing you were with me."

"You can wish without having a breakdown. Come on, we should get to our rooms."

My room is on the first floor and Sasuke's is on the second, so I kiss him goodbye at the stairwell. "Come down when you're done," I tell him, then add jokingly, "if you start panicking, just come to me, okay?"

He smiles. "I'll remember that if I feel the need to hyperventilate."

It makes me feel better that we're making jokes like this, because it means Sasuke is aware of the problem and is trying to minimize it. And I know that I have the same problem, although possibly to a lesser extent. I've gotten used to being with Sasuke literally twenty-four hours a day. Life just doesn't work like that.

When I get to the dorm, someone is already inside. In my despair over not rooming with Sasuke, I didn't stop to pay attention to exactly who I'm with. So, curious, I step inside.

It's Kondo Aoi. He's a tall guy, over six feet, one of the few people who can make super skinny jeans look good. (Sasuke looks good in anything, but then I'm biased.) He's got shortish black hair that sort of forms a peak at the front like an almost-faux-hawk, warm brown eyes, and an omnipresent friendly smile. He's never judged me for being Kyuubi's container, and I always liked him for that.

"Oh, hey, Naruto," he says. "Long time no see. Had a good summer?"

I smile broadly at this. "Yeah, it was great. I hung out with Sasuke the whole time."

He nods understandingly as I begin to unpack. I don't think Aoi's ever judged anyone for anything.

"What about you?" I ask.

"Mine was good too. Went to visit some family friends in China."

We chat as we unpack, recounting our summers. I find, in talking with Aoi, that I don't have much to say unless I delve into personal subjects – both on the level of my relationship with Sasuke, and on the level of his family. And there's also our close links with Takeshi and Takeshi. There's a lot to my summer that can't really be said. As I speak, I sort out my stories, keeping tabs in my head so that I'll know what to be able to tell Sakura-chan later, because I just realized that after cancelling that surprise day for Sasuke I didn't actually ever meet up with her. Maybe we should still do that, next weekend or something, although I do want to talk to Takeshi and Takeshi too to hear how they're doing.

I'm nearly done when Sasuke knocks on the door and comes in. I smile when he comes in and he puts a hand to my cheek and kiss me quickly. I convey through a touch the reminder that we've got company, and although I know Aoi isn't bothered by our orientation, I don't know if he's exactly interested in public displays of affection, no matter what the gender.

"I'm just putting away my clothes," I tell Sasuke. "Give me a few minutes and we can go get our keys."

He just nods and sits on my bed. He greets Aoi and they make small talk, then when I finish putting away my clothes we bid Aoi farewell and head for the main building to collect our dorm keys.

"Who's your roommate, then?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "Someone named Yamashita Katsumi. He hasn't arrived yet."

"Ah." I squeeze his hand. "Being back makes this all seem so much more… reasonable. We know the routine. We'll be distracted by classes and homework. Like you said, it could be good for us in the end."

"Mm." He walks a little closer to me. I smile, allowing my content and comfort to override the brooding sadness.

—

It's Iruka-sensei handing out the keys for our dorm building this year. He smiles at us when we approach his table.

"Long time no see, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun! You know, Naruto-kun, it's been so much quieter around here without you."

"It would be," Sasuke says with a quiet smile. They both laugh at my expense.

"Well, here are your keys. Naruto-kun, 117, and Sasuke-kun, 202. Here are your schedules as well. Introductory classes are on Friday, so you'll know what to bring for Monday. But you knew that already." He smiles again and waves us off so that the next people can get their stuff.

As soon as we're clear of the tables, Sasuke and I compare schedules. The first thing I look for is our free period – and, through some miracle, we've got them at the same time. With that settled, I also notice that our Japanese, gym and English are together, but not our history. When he has history, I have music, and when I have history he's in literature. Then he's got psychology when I have dance, which is an open course for anyone in the grade to take, and he's in math (ew) when I have drama, which I chose out of curiosity and the need for another course.

"Pretty good," I say, feeling a little better about the year to come. "Like you said, it'll teach us to cope better when we have to separate for good."

"It's not for good," he says with a touch to my hand. "No matter how long we're apart, I swear I'll find a way to bring us back together."

"Me too," I nod. "I promise."

I hold out my pinky, and he links his with it, then suddenly grabs me around the middle and pulls me into a deep kiss, our fingers still linked. I can't help smiling.

—

Since Sasuke's dorm mate hasn't arrived yet, we hang out in his room for the next little while. Another thing we realize in coming here is that we no longer have the complete privacy we took for granted at Sasuke's house: once school starts, sex will be more or less out of the question. Likely there'll be chances here and there to sneak in a quick go in the shower, but there's no chance of longer, more romantic sessions, and we can't even do it on anyone's bed because the room will smell like sex for the next day. And anyone could discover us at any time; we can't exactly control our roommates' schedules and actions, and the walls are likely not-quite-soundproof, at best. Somehow I feel like this could be a bit of a problem for both of us.

"Well, we're just going to have to jack off in the shower," says Sasuke, snuggling closer to me on his bed.

"Because that'll be such a great substitute for the real thing."

"Ah, well, not much you can do about that."

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, we could go to your place some weekends, or find closets or something."

"Or abandoned classrooms," he adds.

"Sasuke! We can't – get it on in a classroom," I protest. "What if someone comes in?"

"We can lock the door, dobe."

"Teme, teachers have keys!"

He shrugs. "Then we'll probably be suspended, and then we'll be able to get it on in here while everyone else is in class."

"_Sasuke!_"

He smiles and pecks me lightly on my forehead. I wrinkle my nose and pout, huffing into his collarbone.

"Doesn't that thrill you, though? The idea that anyone could come in at any time? The thought that we could be seen, that we could be caught?"

I shiver. "No."

"Liar." His smirk is triumphant against the goosebumps on the back of my neck. His lips brush my skin as he purrs, "You know you want to. You want me to fuck you on some teacher's desk."

"Nnh, you d-dirty…"

His tongue begins to layer soft kitten licks on my neck. The sentiment has me melting and tensing at the same time.

"You want it," he murmurs against the underside of my chin. "You want to strip naked in a wide open classroom with clear windows, you want me to fuck you against the chalkboard, you want to cum just as someone bursts in there and gets blinded by how hot we are getting it on in the school…"

"_Sasukeeee_," I whine, but he's not listening; he's licking and kissing me at every breath, his hands swishing through my hair and dipping into the collar of my shirt. And I'm returning the affections, panting into his neck, feeling his smooth skin, kissing his eyelids, wanting so badly to rip off his shirt and join in communion with him.

"Naruto," he says abruptly.

"What?"

"You're getting hard."

I flinch and glance down. It's not enough to make a visible difference, but I can still feel it.

He smirks. "Just from listening to me talk dirty. How are you going to contain yourself? What if I suddenly started saying stuff like this in public?"

"You wouldn't," I snap, trying to pull myself away from him to calm my heated body.

"How do you know?"

"If you're gonna say shit like that, you may as well just fuck me in the middle of Japanese class!"

He just smiles more widely at this.

"Teme!"

"What?" he asks innocently.

"…You're such a pervert…"

"You know you like it," he whispers against my ear, sending another tremor through my body.

I refuse to say it aloud, but he knows.

The truth is, it may be true that there's a certain amount of excitement in the idea of doing something taboo, but in reality my embarrassment would override any adrenaline-induced thrill I might get. I know some people get a kick out of exhibitionism, but it just isn't my thing. I mean, I'm used to getting in trouble and all from back in my rebellious prankster days when all I wanted was attention, no matter what the kind; but this is completely different. Sex with Sasuke is a private thing to me, and even when we're not focusing on romance and just being horny, I don't want random people – especially teachers – barging in on us.

I explain this to Sasuke, who nods and agrees that it's probably better – but that doesn't stop him from continuing to talk about fucking me against the blackboard like it's something he's always wanted to do. And in a way, his dirty talk makes me want it more. Like I'll like it just because I know he'll like it. And it's probably true.

* * *

When I write lemon/lime/citrus in Two Face – okay, well, in any fanfiction (I don't write smut other than SasuNaruSasu, lol), my influences always come out. The only smut I've ever read is other SasuNaruSasu fanfiction, and a lot of the time I get my situations from them because, well, it's hard to write an original, interesting smut! Pervert Sasuke dreaming of classrooms is definitely from something else. I'm sorry to anyone whose ideas I've ripped off D:

See you next week, and thanks again for reading and supporting me!

R+F


	83. Blues

Nearly forgot to update today! I've been working hard at another fanfiction, which is in its final stages. I'm taking it a lot more seriously than Two Face, so I'm tweaking a lot more things. I'm also considering how to publish it – it's over 20,000 words, but no chapters. I suppose it doesn't matter much, but I'm used to splitting things up. In any case, expect it soon.

In the meantime, enjoy this chapter!

* * *

The next day, I go grab us some lunch while Sasuke is setting up his computer in his room. On my way back I'm just about to enter the dorm building when Sasuke comes shooting out, eyes wide. He grabs my arm to stop himself, jerking me around in the process, and looks back as though expecting a dinosaur to leap out and try to eat him.

"Sasuke? What the…?"

He spots something behind my shoulder within the building and grabs my wrist to dash off again, but just then I hear the door open and someone say behind me, "It's okay if you're not gay, we can work on that! I – oh."

I whip around. Standing at the door is a shock of blue. I blink and try again. Short, sky-blue hair sticking in a general upward direction; neon-blue tank top hugging a figure curvy enough to make girls jealous; leggings-tight white-blue jeans that definitely don't have enough crotch room. Eyes of a blue to rival mine, although closer to an icy cyan, are taking in the sight of Sasuke's arm linked tightly and meaningfully with mine.

"Is that it then?" says Blue. Even his voice is feminine in an eerie still-a-guy's-voice way. "You like blondes, is that why you're not into me?"

"I like _Naruto_, that's why I'm not into you," Sasuke growls.

"Who the hell are you?" I interject, glaring at Blue.

"Name's Yamashita Katsumi. I'm his roommate." He holds out his hand as though he expects me to shake it. I just raise an unimpressed eyebrow at this, and he drops it with neither scorn nor embarrassment.

"And what exactly are you doing to _my boyfriend_?" I ask, stressing the final two words.

"Nothing." He doesn't sound like he's lying or trying to act innocent, but the things I've heard out of his mouth so far aren't helping convince me right now. I turn to Sasuke for confirmation.

"Flirting isn't 'nothing,' " Sasuke snaps. "And you were practically nose to nose with me!"

Hot, boiling rage erupts within me, and a flare of Kyuubi's aura blasts through my mind. I would have gladly let it consume me, but Sasuke's hand grips mine tightly and fights down the wild fury, and when my senses come back to me I can feel his concern. I squeeze back, and he relaxes.

"Whoa, no need to go monster mode on me," says Blue, taking a step back. From the look in his eyes I guess that my own may have flickered red in that brief moment of unbridled wrath. "Wait. I've heard of you. Uzumaki? Kyuubi kid?"

"Yeah, that's me," I growl. "And I'll have you know I _talk_ to the demon. So don't fuck with me. I'm a schizophrenic, right? I'm sure you hate crazy people, just like everyone else."

He doesn't miss the sarcasm in my voice, but neither does he seem to care that I have the ability to tear him apart. "Sasuke-kun, why would you want to be with a demon? Isn't he a little too wild for a refined taste like yours?"

"There's only one monster here, and it's not Naruto," spits Sasuke. "I suggest you learn how to take a hint."

He just cocks his head innocently. "Alright, I understand if you're not in the mood. I'll bring you around. Don't worry."

"I'll never be in the mood for a bitch like you," Sasuke snarls after Blue's retreating back. Quieter he mutters, "Fuck. I didn't know people like that could even exist."

I just shake my head. "You can't room with him. He'll rape you in your sleep." At this point I don't know whether I'm exaggerating or not.

Sasuke shudders and holds me close, washing away the idea with my presence. I rub his back comfortingly.

"I'll ask Tsunade-sensei for a room change. She can't say no to this."

I nod. "At this point I dunno who it would be safe to put him with, though."

He frowns. "Yeah. Maybe Chouji."

"Aw, don't be mean," I chuckle, then I sigh. "Come on, better now than before it's too late."

—

We run into Tsunade no baa-chan in the halls on the way to her office, and I stand by and let Sasuke do the talking – it's his issue after all, not mine, even if he is my boyfriend.

"Tsunade-sensei," he says, "I'd like to ask for a dorm change."

"So soon?" The principal crosses her arms under her ample bust and awaits Sasuke's explanation.

"You see, this Yamashita Katsumi – he's new here, isn't he? I haven't seen him before now. He's not only very openly gay—" I'm surprised that Tsunade no baa-chan doesn't react to this wording, but then Sasuke and I are hardly a secret ourselves "—but also seems to have taken it upon himself to flirt with me at first sight. To be blunt—" (as if he hasn't already said everything in the most direct way possible) "—I'm not comfortable with it."

Tsunade no baa-chan considers this for a minute. I almost expect her to say no because of the way Sasuke said it all, but I think Sasuke believes he can get away with it because of her connection to me, and it looks like he's right – she nods and waves for us to follow her.

"Come to my office," she says. "We'll call Katsumi-kun down and talk this out."

Sasuke nods, and we head down. This is sensible. Tsunade no baa-chan can't kick out Blue on our word alone, especially since we have personal connections. She might find a third party teacher to mediate. But really, is she even allowed to leave a student in the same room as someone who's sexually harassing him?

"By the way," Sasuke adds more quietly as we enter the office and Tsunade no baa-chan picks up her phone, "when I told Naruto he nearly went Kyuubi on Katsumi." I notice Sasuke's deliberate use of Blue's first name in front of Tsunade no baa-chan, his refusal to hide the fact that he has no respect for that asshole. "I don't want that to – I don't know, affect your decision – but I don't want Naruto to get hurt."

Tsunade no baa-chan pauses with her finger on the button. She blinks, then puts down the receiver. "Naruto-kun?"

I nod. "Sasuke brought me back, though." As though to demonstrate, our hands automatically find each other and interlock fingers.

She can't help smiling. "There is something irresistibly adorable about you two."

"Uh, Tsunade no baa-chan, is that even legal for you to say?"

"Well, why wouldn't I be allowed to tell that to my cute little students? You've done good things to this school, whether you know it or not."

"Yeah…" I shrug. "So, are you gonna make that call or not?"

"What? Oh." She picks up the phone again.

Sasuke and I sit in the chairs in front of her desk and watch as she calls… Well, who does she call, anyway? There are no teachers monitoring the dorm buildings. Actually, now that I think about it, that's a kind of stupid move. Letting a load of teenagers on the loose? Not enforcing gender-split rules? How come no one's rebelled yet?

Tsunade no baa-chan hangs up, then raises an eyebrow at me. I explain my thoughts.

She nods. "We're changing things around here. We can't do it all at once, so we'll take it in steps. Letting both genders into the common rooms was one thing. This year we're implementing dorm monitoring and clubs. Next year it's homerooms and class presidents, among other things."

"Are you switching to the Japanese system?" Sasuke asks.

"Right in one," she smiles. "We're still figuring out how we're going to switch from a September start to an April start."

"You could cram one year into fewer months," I suggest, "or stretch it out over more months."

"We could, but pressing all the same lessons into just over half the time would be hard on everyone, and stretching them would pull the students behind." She sighs. "Well, it's of no concern to you two; it won't be happening for years yet. We'll be talking about it in the assembly tomorrow, so pay attention, Naruto-kun."

"What? Me? What about Sasuke?"

"Sasuke-kun already pays attention at assemblies. Don't think I don't notice you sleeping."

I shrug. It doesn't really matter. Sasuke can fill me in tomorrow after the assembly if I conk out.

Blue shows up at the door with a teacher I've never seen before. He introduces himself as Gekkou Hayate, then dissolves into a long, painful-sounding coughing fit. I'm not sure if it's good for his health for him to be here.

"Alright," says Tsunade no baa-chan. "Naruto-kun, let's leave Hayate-sensei, Sasuke-kun, and Katsumi-kun here to discuss."

I stand and follow her towards the door. Sasuke touches my hand briefly as I pass him, and I let the contact linger for a moment before heading out the door after Tsunade no baa-chan.

"I guess it would be better for me not to be there," I say. "Blue – I mean, Katsumi didn't seem like he had any issues saying what was on his mind when Sasuke and I were talking with him, but I don't really know him, and Sasuke might say different things if I were around."

Tsunade no baa-chan nods, then gestures to the doors. We head outside into the warm day.

"Besides removing us from the situation, I'd like to have a chat with you," she says. "I haven't seen you all summer, which is new for us. How are you doing, Naruto-kun?"

I have to consider this for a long time. It's not a one-word answer. It's not even a one-chapter answer.

"Overall, good," I finally reply, "but there are so many things affecting that that it's hard to reduce it to a general feeling."

"Do you want to talk about it? As your principal I can't necessarily do much, but being your legal guardian overrides that. Did you have a good summer? How are things with Sasuke-kun?"

I can't help smiling. "I'm not sure you want to hear the full extent of our activities, baa-chan."

"Ah." She looks away, also smiling, out of a slight awkwardness that she'd rather hide.

"We've had good times and bad times. All sorts of stuff has come up, y'know, between us, or from outside influences, or whatever. But in the end I guess all we can say is we still want to be together no matter what happens."

"You two have a wisdom few ever achieve." This time her smile is one of admiration and pride, and she turns back to show it to me.

"It's probably all the crises we go through," I offer, half-jokingly. I stop where we are, on one of the bridges, and lean against the railing. "You know… sometimes I wonder if I'm only in love because I want to be in love."

It's a bit of a dangerous topic, and I can tell Tsunade no baa-chan senses that. But it's one I've never really wanted to delve too deeply into, because I'm afraid of what I might find there. Maybe, when I'm not by Sasuke's side, I can test the waters a little.

"Sasuke gave me everything he had, and I fell in love with him for that. I've never known love for anyone but him. Is it too good to be true? Have I been clinging to him just because there's no one else? I'm… I'm afraid I'll fall out of love." The idea scares me, like sharks circling my little raft on the ocean. If the sharks left, would I swim out? If I found an island where I could survive, would I abandon my raft?

"You're afraid of falling out of love after nearly a year of pure devotion?"

"I don't know. I've always thought we could last forever. But what if we can't? What's the likelihood of a high school hook-up lasting through adulthood? It's just that I've never thought about it before. Most people fall in love several times before they can find the right person, if they ever do. How could I be so lucky to get it right the first time? And how do I know that, even if we're doing so well now, something might come up and break us apart? If people can love each other for years then suddenly split, even to the point of divorce, how can a relationship like ours survive?"

She doesn't speak. It's one of those things you just can't answer. Maybe I am the lucky one in a million, or maybe life is just waiting to shatter us.

"Well, never mind," I say, attempting to put a casual tone back into my voice, although I'm not quite sure whether or not I succeed. "There are bigger problems."

"Like what?"

"You know. Things." I shrug, trying to think of something safe to say. "Our directions of study. His family. Kyuubi."

She reacts to that last one. "How are you doing with Kyuubi?"

"Actually, all in all it's going quite well. I think we almost bonded a bit at the end of the last school year."

"You're making friends with him?" She sounds surprised and impressed.

I nod. "He would never admit it, but we're not at blows a hundred percent of the time."

"Has he made any attempts to surface? What about just now, with Katsumi-kun?"

My anger simmers a little. "I… really wanted to hurt him. It wasn't the same as with Yukio. I knew I could never overpower Yukio, but I didn't care if Katsumi could beat me. I just wanted to…" I grit my teeth and say no more.

"Why?"

"He was – he was trying to do something, and Sasuke didn't like it. Sasuke made it _clear_ he didn't like it, but Katsumi just doesn't know when to stop! Wouldn't that bother anyone?"

"If you were the victim, would you have let Kyuubi help you?"

"No." This I know for sure. "Kyuubi only rises when someone's bothering Sasuke. I… I don't know why. I can take what they shove on me, but if it's Sasuke I just can't take it."

She smiles. "And you say you're afraid of falling out of love."

"…I guess not," I agree. "It's just one of those things that could come up at any time. You just can't predict it."

"Then don't try." She puts a hand on my shoulder. "You want to love Sasuke-kun, and that's obvious. As long as that remains, you shouldn't ever fear that you might lose your love for him."

"Yeah. Thanks, Tsunade no baa-chan." If that feeling should fade, that's when I need to start worrying – but her words have lifted my spirits. Maybe I just needed someone to set me straight.

"Have you heard from Akitaka-kun at all?" she asks, a little too innocently.

"Yukio? Well, he invited me to hang out, so his group of friends and mine went for paintball one day. Nothing after that." When she looks thoughtful, I ask, "Why?"

"Oh, no reason. It's just that it's been a while since the Kyuubi incident, and I was wondering if he was giving you any more trouble."

"Trouble? Not really. He seemed pretty friendly during the paintball game." I watch Tsunade no baa-chan carefully.

"I see."

"Did you ask him to make friends with me?"

She blinks and looks over. Then she smiles. "Got it in one," she admits.

"I didn't think Yukio was the kind of person who would go out of his way to make friends with someone who scared him badly. I thought he might be trying to get back into my good books to protect himself. He even held back from insulting me and Sasuke for our relationship. Well – he let a couple of things slip, but I could tell he was trying. I just couldn't get mad at him, y'know?"

"He might also have been fearing my wrath," she adds. "I conveyed to him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour was unacceptable."

"I'm okay, baa-chan, really. He doesn't have to be friends with me if he doesn't want to. I think he's learned his lesson about insulting Sasuke in front of me, anyway."

"Who's insulting me?"

We turn. Sasuke's standing across the bridge, thumbs in his belt loops, smiling. I return the smile and go over to kiss him briefly. He takes a hold of my hand, and I'm reminded once more of our earlier days, taking long walks in the grounds, just holding hands and talking.

"Sasuke-kun," says Tsunade no baa-chan, nodding in greeting. "Did you resolve the issue?"

"Katsumi's moving to a different room," he says, "and I'll be getting a new roommate once Hayate-sensei finds someone who's willing to switch."

Tsunade no baa-chan nods. "Alright. I'll keep an eye on Katsumi-kun for you."

"Thanks." Sasuke seems much calmer now that Blue's out of the picture. When he catches me looking at him, he smiles and squeezes my hand. This doesn't escape the notice of our principal.

"Well, it's not like you haven't seen enough of each other over the summer, but I suppose I should leave you two alone now," she says. "I'll see you at the assembly tomorrow, then. It's good to see you back, Naruto-kun."

"Yup. Bye, baa-chan."

She waves and heads back to the main building, at which point Sasuke grabs a hold of my head and presses his lips against mine. I'm startled for a moment, but by now I've learned not to question these kinds of things – so I kiss him back with equal fervour, feeling him all over again, his tongue, his taste, his hair and skin and warmth. If we weren't outside in the middle of the school, I would jump him right here and now. As it is, I have to fight back the stirrings in my veins, and Sasuke seems to be doing the same.

"Mmh… sorry," he murmurs against my mouth when he finally pulls back, his breathing a little heavy. "I needed that."

I shake my head and smile. "Why would you ever apologize?"

"I dunno. Sorry." He chuckles.

"Idiot." I touch my nose to his.

* * *

Looks like Sasuke and Naruto are gonna have a rough year…

Thanks for reading.

R+F


	84. Reunions

I'm sooooo bored and it's sooooo hot and our air conditioning is broken! But some people don't even have A/C, so I shouldn't complain. Here's this week's chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

Sasuke's new roommate hasn't arrived yet, so we take the opportunity to heat it up a little in his room. There is, of course, always the possibility that Sasuke's new roommate will walk in on us and probably be permanently blinded, but the thrill of exhibitionism is turning Sasuke on and, to be honest, seeing Sasuke turned on does turn me on in the end. We try to be quiet, we really do. Or I do. I dunno about Sasuke.

"Sas – haah, Sasuke, keep your – mmn – voice down," I pant as he devours my body with his mouth and hands, moaning the entire time.

"Doesn't it – nnh – turn you on, though?" he asks in that husky tone he's so good at. "Don't you want me to whisper dirty things in your ear?"

"Ahh…" I turn my face away from his smirk. "Not if the whole fucking building hears you."

"It's not me they'll be hearing," he murmurs, rolling his hips slowly into mine. "I think we both know who's the loud idiot here, and who has the ability to reduce him to a little puddle and a string of desperate, breathy moaning…"

"Sasukeeee," I whimper, trying to push him away but failing miserably because both of our wills are catapulting towards the desire to have me fucked into Sasuke's mattress.

"Why don't you take that whine out of your tone, Naru? A little less whine, a little more… _desire_." At the last word he presses his teeth gently against my pulse, and I positively melt in his arms. The next sound that comes out of my throat is much more wanton than I'd expected, my head falling back past the pillow as I relax into him.

"That's it," he breathes, his hand caressing my side. His lips focus on my bared neck, tugging gently at my skin. "That's it, Naru. Show me you want me. Let me hear it."

"Sasuke, we can't – they'll hear us!"

"It's okay," he whispers. "Don't worry about it. Stop worrying and just feel. Can you feel me, Naruto?"

"Haah…" I shut my eyes tightly and try not to surrender to his touch. It doesn't work. I feel clothes rustling and sliding against skin; I feel his fingers at my entrance, the head of his member against me for a split second before he slides gently into me, a hiss of relief escaping through his teeth as he does so. His movements are smooth and soft, belying the usual intensity of sex, stroking me tenderly, murmuring, kissing, loving. The range of our emotions astounds me, from this gentle, soft tenderness all the way to angry, burning passion. And yet it's all us, and it's all love.

—

I fall asleep during the assembly next day, as expected. I awake in time to hear Tsunade no baa-chan giving her final words wishing everyone a good year, and to find that I've leaned over a little so that my head is resting on Sasuke's shoulder, and his arm is around my waist. When I wake up, he just smiles at me and shakes his head and kisses my nose.

We're given an hour for lunch, and then we have our introductory classes, where we go to each of our classes for ten minutes and our teachers explain the course, with another fifteen in between each class for students to find their way around the campus. In this way we end up having three hours of "classes." It's a little ridiculous to have more travel time than actual class time, but I'd rather have it this way than make this session of intro classes any longer than it already is. And, since Sasuke and I have a free period at the same time, we get to spend some time alone between second and fourth periods of the first day in the schedule. It's enough time for me to tug Sasuke into the janitor's closet in the nearest dorm building for a quickie, which involves a lot of giggling (stifled should someone else happen to be around), a lot of touching (more to locate ourselves than anything because the only light comes from the slim gap between door and floor), and a lot of me hanging by the hooks on the back wall with my foot up on some box, biting my lip and tensing my shoulders to keep quiet while Sasuke fucks me hard and fast. Not the most comfortable position to get it on in, but it does add to that sense of quick desperation we have going, and we're through in minutes – which is a good thing in this case. We don't have enough time to shower, but I do at least grab Aoi's Axe and spray a little on myself, just to be sure.

After that we head to English class. As I pass around a corner and Sasuke follows, he sniffs and says, "Naruto, are you wearing cologne?"

"It's Aoi's deodorant," I say. "I didn't want to smell like sex in class, teme."

"But you do smell like sex."

"What?" I thought it was strong enough to cover the musk.

He smirks. "It's making me want to pin you to the wall and ravish you senseless."

I roll my eyes. "Shoulda thought of that."

In the English classroom we manage to find seats near the back. Sasuke pulls his chair closer to mine and leans in to take another deep breath.

"That's hot," he breathes.

"Sasuke, we're in class." I push him away, trying to stay decent.

"Sorry, sorry." He doesn't sound it.

I hear giggles behind us. Assuming it's some stupid fangirls, I glance over my shoulder, but no one's there. So I ignore it and turn back. Someone taps me on the shoulder, and I turn towards it, but again the area's empty. Annoyed, I'm about to turn back again when the giggles return. Realizing I've been tricked, I quickly whip around in the other direction to see—

"_Takeshi?_"

He splits into a wide grin. So does Shiroi beside him.

"What – what the fuck are you guys doing here?" I stammer, bewildered. They seem to find my reaction too hilarious to be worth replying to, so I look at Sasuke, but his face shows a similar story. He just stares at me, mouth open.

"You would think you two didn't want to see us," snickers Takeshi.

"You don't go to this school," Sasuke states flatly.

"We do now!"

"What? Really?" I stare at them as though that'll show me proof. They just keep on laughing. It's contagious – Takeshi's laughter is always contagious.

"This is great!" I exclaim. "As if! How'd you—?"

"We made up some excuses about courses and experiencing being teens in the city," says Shiroi. "Our school is really small. It's so… different. Konoha High is huge."

"Well, it is a boarding school," says Sasuke.

"And it's got a campus," I add.

Shiroi nods. "In the number of students too, though, it's almost four times bigger. But I mean, you guys aren't persecuted at all for the way you feel, right? Everyone seems so accepting. Takeshi and I walked in holding hands, and no one even looked twice at us." He turns to Takeshi and smiles, and Takeshi returns it. "It was so liberating."

I smile too at this, and I feel Sasuke's hand take mine and interlace our fingers.

"You'll love it here," I say. "I know you will."

After English is the second day of classes in our schedule, which I find is almost identical to Takeshi's. First is drama while Sasuke and Shiroi have math and Takeshi takes vocal music. I instantly regret my course choice upon finding that Blue is in the drama class, but I need the credit and I think drama is something that could be of use in a dance career, so I tell myself to put up with it. Throughout the ten minutes I feel Blue's eyes raking me as though they're his hands running roughly down my body, but he never moves from his place on the floor of the deskless room and I'm glad of that at least. By the end I practically vault out of the room.

I have the next period, music, with Takeshi; I take up the percussion once more and he commandeers the piano. Shiroi's not in gym with the rest of us, but he has psychology with Sasuke during the last period, while Takeshi and I have dance. After classes we follow the name twins to Iruka-sensei's classroom, where, as Shiroi explains, he's allowed them to keep their luggage for the afternoon since they only arrived in time for the assembly.

"So what are your room numbers?" I ask the name twins.

"Dunno, Iruka-sensei is giving them to us," Takeshi shrugs. "I hope we're in the same room."

"Don't count on it," Sasuke warns them. "They wouldn't room you together knowing you both come from the same school. They'd want you to meet new students."

Iruka-sensei smiles when we appear with Takeshi and Takeshi. "Oh, you already know Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun?" he asks. "This should be easy for you then."

Curious, we all gather around the keys he gives the pair. Takeshi's has the number 114 inscribed on it – across the hall from my room – and Shiroi's says 202.

Sasuke looks surprised. "That's my room."

"You don't have a roommate yet?" Shiroi asks, looking up.

"He got switched out. Well, this is fortunate."

I nod. "Yeah, it really is! And you're across from me, Takeshi. Iruka-sensei, are you sure these weren't planned out?" I give him a suspicious look. "We know what you teachers get up to."

"Pretty sure," he laughs. "I don't think any of us knew you guys knew each other."

I find myself grinning. "Well, I'm not complaining. Come on, then."

It's gonna be a good year.

—

Takeshi's roommate ends up being one of the guys who was at the paintball match with Yukio and, when we reluctantly invite him to hang with us (out of duty, you understand, since we kind of know him), he quite politely declines (although Sasuke voices to us the idea that he probably thinks we're fags and doesn't want anything to do with us). So, what with Shiroi and Sasuke both being in the same room, that becomes our place to be when we spend time together – it gives Aoi, and Takeshi's roommate, more time to themselves.

"So," says Shiroi, sitting on his bed with Takeshi's head in his lap, "what clubs are you guys thinking of joining?"

On his side of the room, Sasuke pulls his arms tighter around me and buries his face in my hair as I reply, "None. Never been much of a school club kind of person."

Sasuke scoffs, "Dobe, this is why you're supposed to pay attention in assemblies."

"Huh?"

"Clubs are mandatory," says Takeshi. "Everyone's gotta join at least one."

"What? Why?" I frown. Why would they _force_ us to join a club?"

"Social interaction," Shiroi shrugs. "Extra-curriculars are good for you, or something."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. So what choices have we got?"

Sasuke reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded paper, which he unfolds to show a list of clubs. "The only thing that mildly interests me is the writing club, but I don't really like the idea of an actual _club_ for writing. What about you, Shiroi?"

"Not a clue. I guess I could always join you in writing, just to have something at all. Or we could join a sports team."

"I'd rather be in a writing club than a sports team," says Sasuke. "Naruto?"

"Writing? I don't think so."

"No, dobe. What club are you joining?"

I look down the list doubtfully. "There isn't really anything particularly interesting."

"There's a choir," says Takeshi.

I snort. "Choir?"

"What? I've been in choirs since I was small. It's loads of fun. There's so much you can do when a lot of voices come together."

"I'm not that good at singing," I say doubtfully.

"Don't give me that, yes you are," says Sasuke. "Go on. You've got to join something, and there are no dance groups."

"Then I'll start one." I point to the line at the bottom: _Want to start a new club? Find a minimum of five students and a teacher._ "It can't be that hard to find some people who want to learn to dance. Takeshi, you're one."

"I'll join your dance club if you join choir."

"It's not like I'll be desperate for members, y'know."

"Ooh, ouch!" Takeshi laughs.

I roll my eyes. "I'll think about it. Honestly, though, would you actually refuse to join a hip hop club?"

"Well no, especially if you're in it," he says, and winks, making us all laugh. "And you'll probably get all your friends to join too, won't you? And by then you'll only need to find a couple more people in the school who are interested in hip hop, and then you'd be set."

"Yeah. I wonder where everyone else is rooming…"

"The lists are still up at the door," says Sasuke. "We can go look if you like."

"That'd take too much effort." I pull out my cellphone and mass-text everyone in our group to come over to 202. Within a minute I get a reply, which is surprising because we never reply to each other just to say yes.

"It's from Neji." _Forget already, idiot? You can take me out of your contact group; I won't be offended._

"Oh yeah." I sigh. Sometimes I forget Neji wasn't in our grade, since he spent his spare in our Japanese class and we hung out all the time outside of classes. This is a bit of a blunt reminder. You might think it was hard to tell with texting, and even harder to tell with Neji, but somehow I can see his small smile behind the words. I smile wistfully back, then pull Neji out of the group on my cellphone.

Kiba, Sai, and Gaara find their way here soon enough, and Sasuke allows me to pry him off so that I can go give them fist bumps. Kiba commandeers a chair, while Gaara prefers to sit on the floor.

"Long time no see," says Kiba, grinning. "What's up? How've you two been?"

"Pretty good. Sasuke nearly got roomed with a rapist, but—"

"A _what_?"

"Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but – okay, there's this guy, Blue – well, Yamashita Katsumi. You'd know him the minute you saw him, his hair's bright blue and so are his eyes, and I'd bet money the only colour in his closet is blue too."

"That's my roommate," says Sai, in as surprised a voice as Sai's ever gets to be.

"What, really?" Worst-case scenarios flash through my mind immediately. "Stay away from him. He's trouble."

"He doesn't seem so bad."

"He is," says Sasuke. "First thing he did when he saw me, he checked me out and then got right up close. He got far too close for comfort, beyond anything you could call casual or platonic. He really meant it, too."

Sai takes this all in silently. I wish I knew what he was thinking. What has he said to Blue? What has Blue tried to do to Sai?

But Sai just turns to Gaara instead and asks him about his girlfriend, and before I can butt in the conversation's moved on.

"I was with her before I came to hang out with you guys," Gaara admits.

"Aww," teases Kiba. "Cute. Did we interrupt your private time?"

Gaara flushes. "…No…"

"Which means yes. What's she like?"

He tries to glare at Kiba, but his red cheeks throw off the entire effect. Kiba just laughs.

"She's great," he says, a little defiantly, but only because everyone's teasing him. "She's cute and funny and quiet."

"Does she have a name?" I ask jokingly.

"Hayashi Yumi."

"Why do you like her?" asks Shiroi.

He considers this. "Dunno. Why do you like Takeshi?"

"Me? Well, we've been best buds since we could talk. Being 'together' just made things easier. It's more friendship than romance, y'know? We just know we care about each other more than anyone else."

Gaara seems to consider this. "I guess I can't say that, since I only met her this summer."

"So you're dating casually, no big deal," says Kiba. "Each relationship is different. Naruto and Sasuke are glued by the soul. Takeshi and Takeshi are friends with benefits, albeit best friends. Sui and I were pretty casual, too."

There's a silence wherein Kiba looks reminiscent. I wonder if I should help him go girl-hunting later. After a bit, he turns to me and Sasuke. "Hey, didn't you guys go out for the first time on Naruto's birthday? That means your anniversary is soon."

"Wow… yeah." I look to Sasuke, who smiles. "The time's gone by so fast."

"What are you doing to celebrate?"

Takeshi snickers. I raise an eyebrow at him, but can't help returning his smile. No doubt the idea that's on _his_ mind is going to happen whether or not anyone suggests it. Whether or not it'll be special – well, that's up to Sasuke to figure out.

"You could always go somewhere," says Kiba. "An amusement park, or a fancy dinner."

I split into a smile, first at the idea of Sasuke in a tuxedo, then in a super-high roller coaster. Then I imagine him in both and burst out laughing. He just shakes his head.

"What about you, Sai?" asks Gaara. "Found anyone?"

Sai shrugs. "Not over the summer. Met some people at a Gay Night event, but—"

"You were there for that?" I ask. "You shoulda told me!"

"You, ah – probably wouldn't have wanted to be there," he says, a little sheepishly, which is surprising since it's Sai.

"Why not?"

"Suffice to say… I know quite a few people in the gay community now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sasuke rolls his eyes. I smack him.

Sai says emphatically, "By 'know,' I mean '_know_.' "

"You – oh." I frown. "Isn't that a little… dangerous?"

"How so?"

"I dunno, it's just…" I try to figure out my reasoning. It just never seemed that good of an idea to mess around like that. I can't really say more without knowing the extent of Sai's activities, but it doesn't sound too good right now.

"Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself." He smiles, and all I can do is take it in stride.

* * *

School! Ew, school. I finished school a month or so ago, so it's kind of funny that they're just starting now.

Just a heads-up, I might be publishing my other fanfiction next week instead of the Two Face chapter. You know, the one I mentioned last week? I'm still open to any beta requests for it. Anyway, keep your eyes peeled and your ears open. See you later!

R+F


	85. Demon Delirium

Whoops… I totally forgot about updating this yesterday. Sorry! Can I make it up to you with a little unfounded pandemonium? Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Sasuke's sick.

Usually he's the one who comes to wake me up in the mornings, but when I awake myself at ten thirty on Saturday, I figure something's up. I head on over to his room to find him shivering in bed.

"Sasuke?"

"I'm sick," he mumbles.

I check his forehead with the back of my hand. "Is it a fever?"

He nods weakly. Pale as he is, the colour in his cheeks doesn't look good.

"How do you feel?"

"Cold and hot." He coughs loudly. "My head hurts, my body hurts. Joints ache. Muscles ache. Everything hurts."

"What do you think you got it from?"

"Prob'ly from kissing you."

"But I haven't been sick."

"You're never sick," he murmurs. "Kyuubi."

"Oh." I sigh. "I'll go get you breakfast."

He shakes his head. "I'm tired."

"You need nourishment—"

"Shh." He raises a shaky finger to my lips. I grab his hand, and he smiles and closes his eyes. The peaceful look on his face is disturbed by another coughing fit, which racks his body before giving way to more violent shivering. I pull the blankets higher over his curled figure.

"Well, I'll bring you lunch at least. Get some rest, okay? I'll come check up on you later." I lean in to hug him gently, pressing my lips to his cheek.

I find Takeshi and Takeshi in the cafeteria afterwards, just finishing up their own breakfast.

"Have you seen Sasuke?" Shiroi asks.

I nod. "Think he'll be okay?"

"Oh, yeah, he'll be fine. It's just a bit of a fever, happens to everyone."

I sit down with my tray. "Not me. I haven't been sick since I was about five. I mean, yeah, the occasional sore throat, but even that only happens about once a year, if that."

"Lucky. My immune system's shit," says Takeshi. "I'll probably have caught it from Sasuke already, just watch."

"Or whoever gave it to him. He thinks it's my fault."

"Well, with the amount of spit you guys swap, I wouldn't be surprised," Shiroi grins.

Takeshi adds, "Not to mention the sweating and licking and—"

"Okay, not breakfast conversation material," I say quickly, glancing around quickly to make sure no fangirls are too near. "Geez, can't a guy eat in peace?"

"Nope," they say in unison.

They let me eventually, though, and then we head out for a walk. We run into Kiba buying his breakfast at Teuchi's Treats, then Gaara and his girlfriend Yumi a little farther along. He introduces us; she is in fact pretty cute (though nothing on Sasuke of course), and giggles quietly when Gaara mentions me with Sasuke. She giggles even more around Takeshi and Takeshi, because they're taking advantage of their newfound freedom to be a little more intimate in public than they're used to. Maybe a little more than is comfortable. I hastily make an excuse about going to visit Sasuke and usher them away from Gaara, Yumi, and Kiba, towards the buildings.

"I know this is all new to you, but you gotta slow down," I hiss. "Soon enough you'll be getting it on in broad daylight, and then—"

"Aw, don't worry about us," says Takeshi. "We'll stay civil. We don't fuck, anyway. I think you should be more worried about Sasuke jumping _you_ all the time."

"At least one of us is trying," I retort. "You know basic social etiquette, right? No making out in the halls, no touching in inappropriate places in public. You can hold hands and stuff, but just simple affection, y'know? Just – be tame when people are around."

Shiroi sighs dramatically. "Fine, if you insist."

It's only been a couple of hours since I last saw Sasuke, but we go to grab him something to eat for lunch anyway. We walk in to see him with his head bent over the toilet.

"Sasuke?" I rush over. He weakly raises his head to look at me, his eyes bloodshot, his cheeks pale. He wipes his mouth with a hand, then his body racks and he disappears once more into the toilet bowl to hurl. He makes a face, then shakily stands up. I support him until he can lean on the counter, where he washes out his mouth before I help him get back to bed, tucking him in before sitting on the edge.

"Are you feeling any better?"

He shakes his head. "Worse. I think it's the flu. I can't eat that," he adds, glancing wearily at the food Takeshi's carrying. "It'll just come back up."

"But you'll be hungry…"

Despite his fatigue, he still manages to throw me a "don't be an idiot" look. "If I throw it up, it won't nourish me anyway."

I sigh. "I just wish there was something I could do."

He manages a small smile. "Let me rest and don't worry so much. That's what you can do. I get this pretty much every year." He winces as something inside him aches. "Ouch."

"Here, take some sleep medication," Shiroi suggests, finding a small bottle of pills among his things. "If you're not gonna do anything all day, may as well make the time go faster."

"If I can keep it down, that is." He accepts anyway, downing it with as little water as possible. "How long?"

"Might be twenty minutes before you conk out good, but you'll be asleep eight hours."

Too tired to grunt or nod, he just closes his eyes. His hand is clammy in mine, and I hold it tighter. He smiles.

I convey a look to the name twins; they nod and leave silently. I stay until Sasuke's conscious presence fades and his breathing slows.

—

With Sasuke bedridden, there isn't much to do. I've gotten used to his company, to having him by my side, even when we're not doing anything, and sitting around is lonely and more boring than ever. It doesn't help that I'm worried about Sasuke, because that just means I can't even get my mind off of him.

I end up sleeping through the afternoon, waking in time for a late dinner, at which point I meet Kiba again. I apologize on behalf of the name twins for their behaviour, and he just laughs awkwardly and says it's alright, which I'm not sure I believe. After eating, we go out to roam the grounds.

"Where's Sasuke?" he asks.

"Sleeping, unless he's throwing up in the bathroom." I explain his illness.

"Sucks." Kiba tosses himself down on a grassy hill, spreading his arms out. "This is Shikamaru's thing."

"Yeah." I lie down next to him. "And Neji's gone too, so that's a third of our group."

"Although Takeshi and Takeshi are here now," he offers.

"Doesn't replace them. I woulda liked to have everyone here, plus them. I mean, that was our entire paintball team."

"Looks like they've gotten a little more comfortable since then, hasn't it? How'd you meet them, anyway?"

I smile, reminiscing. "We went to the beach on Sasuke's birthday, and somehow he took a liking to them, which is weird for the antisocial teme, of course. But I think it was mostly 'cause we'd never met another gay couple before, and neither had they. We were at ground zero together. We just kind of ended up sticking together over the summer."

"Ah." Kiba goes oddly silent.

"What about you? How's your summer been?"

He shrugs. "Pretty good, I guess. Sui and I had a good time together. Met some of her friends, but most of them are off in university now too. Then my mom wanted me to help with the dogs 'cause we have a new litter now, and Akamaru got that fever, and… well, it's kind of an inconvenient time for all that to happen because I had to come to school right in the thick of it."

"Yeah." I turn my head to face him. "What's it like, having family?"

He looks at me with an expression of mild surprise.

"Well, I mean, knowing someone your entire life. I guess the person who fits the closest to that for me would be the old principal, but he's gone now."

Kiba considers. "Well, my mom bossed me around a lot when I was a kid – still does, I guess. My sister mostly looks out for me, in a rough sorta way. But I know them, y'know? I see them mostly at home, and I know their personal lives. It's different from knowing people at school. When you live and grow with someone, it's different."

"I guess it must be. I mean, I've more or less lived with Sasuke over the past year, and yeah, we've grown a lot. But I don't suppose it's the same thing."

"No, it probably isn't. And, I mean, being related to a person is different too, somehow."

"Related…" I look up to the overcast sky. "I can't imagine what that's like."

"Sorry," says Kiba empathetically.

I shake my head. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. There's not really anything you can do."

"Do you ever – I mean, d'you wonder who your parents are, sometimes?"

"Now and then. It doesn't have a huge impact on my life, really, but I'd like to know."

"Yeah."

"Hey, Kiba?"

"Hm?"

"Are you gonna find another girlfriend?"

"Not sure. I mean, Sui and I parted on good terms, but I do miss her."

"Sorry," I say quietly. I didn't realize my question might be rude.

"No, no, it's fine. I guess maybe I will, if I can find the right person. It's not like I'm going out of my way to look for a relationship, but if I do, all the better, right?"

"That's a good philosophy." I glance over and can't help but smirk. "What about a boyfriend?"

Kiba sits up abruptly. "W-what?"

A little confused by his reaction, I also sit up. "Well, have you considered it at all?"

"No," he says immediately, although his initial surprise is gone now. "I told you, I'm not gay."

"Okay. Just covering the bases."

He glances back towards the school. "I think I'm gonna call it a night. I'll text you tomorrow after breakfast?"

"I'll come back with you," I say, standing before offering him a hand up. "I should check on Sasuke."

Kiba takes my hand; I grin and pull him up with more force than he expected and he pitches forward, so I catch him, sliding my arms around his back to pull him into a hug.

"Hey, Kiba?"

"…What?"

"It's good to see you again."

He's immobile for a bit, then he pats me somewhat gingerly on the back. I let go, offering a smile, which he returns shakily. We return to the dorms in silence – in two different kinds of silence: though I try to keep the mood light, it's hard without words, and Kiba's silence is disconcertingly tense and thick as molasses.

Sasuke's still out cold. Takeshi and Takeshi have been watching over him since they got back a couple of hours ago. I consider for a moment, then stop by my room to shower and change before returning and climbing into Sasuke's bed with him.

"Aren't you afraid of catching his illness?" asks Takeshi, mildly amused.

"Not really," I murmur, burying my face in the crook of Sasuke's neck and putting an arm around him.

"Well, it's your health. Have a good night, lovebirds."

—

Sasuke's stopped shivering by the next morning, which is hopefully a good thing. He wakes up when I shift a little, and smiles.

"Morning," I murmur. "Did you sleep well?"

"I wish," he replies just as quietly. "I was awake most of the night. I'm glad you were here."

I sigh and pull him closer to me. He wraps his arms around me, resting his forehead against mine.

"One of the things I hate the most is not being able to sleep," I say. "It's just a big disappointment."

He just nods. "Not that it's a big deal right now, because I slept through the afternoon and will likely be in bed all day today as well."

"Aren't you hungry? Thirsty?"

"I still can't trust my body not to reject anything," he says. "I had enough trouble keeping down the sleep medication."

"This can't be good for you."

"It never is. Don't worry, I'll be good as new in a couple of days, and immune to boot."

"But school starts tomorrow."

He sighs. "I know. Take notes for me, okay?"

I stick out my tongue, and he laughs until he falls into a coughing fit, turning away. I hug him and press my face into the back of his neck and offer him all that I can – my warmth, my love.

—

After grabbing some cereal in the cafeteria, I spot Sai and go to sit with him.

"Good morning," he says cheerfully, waving his spoon briefly at me.

"Morning. Where've ya been? I didn't see you yesterday."

He looks at me, with those calm eyes of his, in a way I've never seen before. It's like… he has a secret. He says easily, "I had some things I had to take care of."

I shrug. "Okay. Wanna hang out today, then?"

"Can't, sorry, Naruto-kun. I'm not done with things from yesterday."

"Well, whenever you're done, call me and we'll tell you where we are. It's me and Kiba, and maybe Gaara if he's not busy."

"What about Sasuke?"

"He's in bed with the flu."

"Ah." Sai stands, then takes his tray. "I'll see you around, Naruto-kun."

I nod, a little confused by his oddly distant behaviour. Shrugging it off, I finish my breakfast, then head for the big tree. Kiba's already there, lounging in my usual branch.

"Hey," I call in mock anger, "get offa my branch!"

Kiba opens one eye and looks down at me. "Who ever said it's yours?"

"Me, and Sasuke. At least move over a bit."

He complies, and I scramble up to sit next to him.

"You know you can't actually _claim_ a branch," he says good-naturedly. "You can't even claim the tree is yours."

"I know, I know. But Sasuke and I have memories here." I pull out my phone, whose background picture is still that one where he's sleeping with his head on my shoulder. Right in this very spot.

Kiba rolls his eyes and pretends to gag, so I punch him on the arm. He pulls out his own cell; his background is him and Sui holding up their hands in peace signs. Kiba's other arm is around Sui, and Sui's holding the phone.

"Cute."

"Mm." There's an almost detached look on his face, like he's forcing himself to make distance.

My phone buzzes in my hand, playing my text message ringtone. I listen to the chorus of GReeeeN's Kiseki for a moment before noticing it's from Shiroi's phone.

_You should come over here,_ it says. _Sasuke's saying something about Kyuubi._

"I – I gotta go," I say, stuffing my cellphone into my pocket even as I slip off the branch and land on all fours on the ground. Kiba calls after me, but I'm already long gone.

Even running, the distance between the tree and the dorms takes a good minute or two to cross. I fly past students enjoying their last day of freedom, ignoring familiar voices calling my name, with only one thought in my head: what's happening to Sasuke?

Careening towards the dorm building, I nearly run into Aoi on his way out. Instead I manage to slip under his arm and through the closing door, then speed past a swatch of blue, dimly register Sai's voice saying my name, and barge into the stairwell to take the stairs three at a time. I almost pass Sasuke's room; I manage to grab the door frame and swing myself inside.

"S—haah—Sasuke," I pant, letting the momentum of my body propel me to his bedside. "Sasuke… what… happened?"

Sasuke looks to me blearily. "Naruto," he rasps. "Naruto, have you… seen Kyuubi lately?"

I shake my head, trying to catch my breath so I can talk to him coherently.

"Knew it," he mutters, squinting. "He's… out."

"Out—? What?"

"Did you let him out?"

"Sasuke, I… don't even know… _how_ to let him out."

His glare tells me he's positive I'm lying. "He came here," he says, voice scratchy. "He came and told me he was going to destroy you."

"He's not out, Sasuke, he's still here—"

"He didn't find you?"

I find his hand and grip it tight. "Sasuke, Kyuubi isn't out! What are you talking about?"

But his eyes shift focus to something behind me. I whip around, but there's nothing there. Shiroi is sitting on his bed, off to the side, looking confused and worried.

"Don't hurt him," breathes Sasuke.

"What?"

He shoots a silencing look at me, then returns his gaze to the apparition. "Don't you dare. Naruto, come here."

Utterly bewildered, I climb into bed on the opposite side of him, closer to the wall. He rolls over onto his side and wraps his arms protectively around me.

"He can't hurt you," Sasuke murmurs into my ear.

"Sasuke… are you seeing Kyuubi?"

"Aren't you?"

I shake my head slowly.

"Maybe it's because you're used to his presence." He presses his lips against my cheek, but they're chapped and cracking, his breath dry.

"Sasuke, you've got to drink something," I whisper. "Maybe you can go without food, but you really need water. Come on, I'll help you."

He shakes his head.

"Sasuke, please? For me. You need to drink something."

Sasuke resists as I pull him to the washroom, but he's weak from lack of nourishment. I quickly fill a cup, take a mouthful of water, then press my lips against Sasuke's. It takes a little struggling, but I manage to transfer the water into his mouth. Almost immediately he wrenches himself away and spits it into the sink.

"It tastes awful. What'd you put in it?"

"It's just water," I say.

"You've put something in it. I'm not drinking that."

"Sasuke—" I pull him close, burying my face in his shoulder. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's wrong with him. I can't do anything for him.

"Naruto," he murmurs, "don't worry. Kyuubi can't get you if you stay near me."

"Kyuubi's still locked up, Sasuke! Wake up!"

A touch on my shoulder reminds me of Shiroi's presence. He looks at Sasuke and says, "Sasuke, let's go to see the nurse. She can keep Kyuubi away and give you some normal water."

Sasuke frowns distrustfully, but concedes. Although it's warm out, he insists on wearing a thick sweater and a scarf. I hold his hand tightly every step of the way.

* * *

Ah, poor Sasuke… I'm in Naruto's boat of almost never getting sick, so I don't have any recent memories of what the flu is like. A friend of mine told me all about it, though. Sounds brutal. My sympathies to anyone who gets this stuff.

Thanks for reading! If all goes well, next week I'll be able to publish my other fanfic that has been sitting around for a couple of weeks now. Just need some critical opinions before it goes live…

R+F


	86. The Paths We Take

I meant to update on Saturday, I really did, but I'm in France (!) and it's been wakeup-sightsee-comehome-eat-sleep every single day, and the few hours I've had free have been dedicated to… Pokemon… *orz* But I will update this Saturday for sure along with today's update.

* * *

"Dehydration causes hallucination," Shizune-sensei explains to me and Shiroi in her office. Sasuke is sleeping fitfully in the next room. "Often, when children have fevers, their bodies convince them water tastes bad and makes them refuse nourishment. Unless he has a strong stomach and a stronger will, he'll throw up anything he consumes; his body thinks it's poison."

I stare at my knees, feeling guilty.

"It's not your fault, Naruto-kun," she says. "You didn't know, and you haven't hurt him. He really should get nourishment – and water especially – but unless we can convince him to force his body to keep it down, it's futile. In any case, once his fever breaks, he'll be drinking buckets. We simply have to hope that won't take too long, or he'll really be in trouble."

"Is there anything we can do to speed up the process?" I ask. "Any sort of medication?"

"I could give him paracetamol to help break his fever, but the fever helps fight the flu, and without it he'll be sick for longer. It's best just to let it run its course. At any rate, he might still miss a couple days of classes. You can come check up on him whenever you like."

"Thanks, sensei." I contemplate my shoelaces. "Hallucinations, huh?"

She smiles. "Once, when I was little and I got a fever, I imagined dragons turned my house into an underwater palace. I danced with the prince of time there, wearing a dress made of fireflies. If Sasuke's calling to the Kyuubi, he's more sane than a lot of us when feverish."

"I just can't help but worry when it comes to Kyuubi."

"Don't. It was purely a figment of Sasuke's imagination. Maybe it's the kinds of things he's afraid of concerning the Kyuubi. If you like, you can talk to him about it later, when he's in his right mind."

Shizune-sensei excuses herself to speak with Tsunade no baa-chan, leaving me and Shiroi to do what we like. I switch over to a chair next to Sasuke's bed and sit back, watching his sleeping form. Every now and then he moves, as though he's uncomfortable, or going through a nightmare. Discomfort flickers in his face.

"There's nothing you can do but wait," says Shiroi quietly.

"I know, but it's hard to see him like this."

His hand rests on my shoulder. "He said it happens yearly. I'm sure he's used to it, and he wouldn't want you to worry about him. He'll be fine. Why don't we go get some lunch?"

I sigh and let his touch coax me away.

—

Lunch isn't exactly relaxing. I don't really feel like eating, but I do so anyway and end up feeling a little nauseous for it. I can't help but worry about Sasuke, even though everyone's said it's normal and he'll be fine. And to top it all off, when I say bye to Takeshi and Takeshi at the dorm building's stairs and head back to my own room, I nearly run headlong into Blue in the open doorway of a dorm room, making out with someone. He turns around at the sound of my steps, and I see the guy he's got trapped against the door frame. I nearly drop my keys.

"Sai!"

Sai just smiles. "Oh, hello, Naruto-kun."

"W-what the hell are you doing?"

"Is there something wrong with what I'm doing?" he asks casually.

"You – he – do you know who this guy is?"

Sai looks at the idiot whose waistband his fingers are playing with. "This is Yamashita Katsumi."

"We've met," I say coldly. Blue looks indifferent, although I'm well aware of his eyes raking my body. I suppress a shiver of disgust. Not bothering to care that he's right there, I hiss, "Look at him! He's feeling you up and checking me out at the same time. Does that not bother you?"

Sai just shrugs. I don't know what to say. I stare helplessly at my friend, desperately trying to figure out what he's thinking. He _knows_ this is the guy who tried to flirt with Sasuke. He _knows_ we hate this bastard's guts, and yet he's here making out with him in plain sight. And Blue as well – who the hell does he think he is, making out with a friend of mine and then checking me out in his presence not a second later?

Blue ignores me and turns back to Sai. "Come on. We shouldn't disrupt people in the halls," he says pointedly. Sai nods and gestures a goodbye to me, and they both go into the room. I catch a glimpse of a sea of blue clothes in a wardrobe and some of Sai's calligraphy hanging on the walls before the door snaps shut.

"Naruto?"

I turn around to see Kiba coming out of the stairwell. "Hey."

"Why'd you run off like that?" he asks, approaching. "You nearly twisted your ankle jumping off the branch; I thought there was a fire in your room or something."

"Shiroi texted me saying Sasuke was saying stuff about Kyuubi," I explain. "Turns out he was just delirious from dehydration, but we took him to the nurse's office. He should be okay."

Kiba's silent for a bit, then: "Naruto… why is it that you care about Sasuke so much?"

I glance over, surprised, but his face is blank and his eyes are averted.

"He gave me a chance," I say simply. "He proved he loved me, and he did everything for me. How can you not love that?"

"He's a guy. Isn't that weird?"

I shake my head. "It doesn't matter. All I want is someone who loves me. You've had your mom and sister take care of you all your life – you still have them – and now you've got what you need. I missed out on love of any kind. I guess I'm making up for lost time."

"But family love is different from romantic love," he says.

"It can be both. People get married, right? They become family. We care about each other like that."

Almost apprehensively he asks, "Are you gonna get married?"

I laugh. "I don't know. I've never thought about it; I mean, we're still in high school. Gay marriage is illegal in Japan, anyway."

"I just… don't understand how you can be attracted to your own gender."

"Trust me, it was hard. I wasn't sure of it at first either, but I love Sasuke enough to transcend that."

Kiba frowns. I can sense his mind turning gears, struggling to understand my reasoning.

"Don't worry if you can't relate. It's not a preference. You can't force yourself to be gay if you're straight."

"I'm not gay."

"I know."

He looks at me like he thinks I don't believe him.

I put a hand on his arm, gripping firmly enough to avoid any awkward signals but not enough to hurt him. "You are what you are, and no one can change that. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean anyone else around will be."

"Sai is. Takeshi and Takeshi are."

"They were all gay before I met them, and they never affected me. It's not contagious."

Kiba sighs. "I don't know. It's not that I'm afraid of being gay, it's just – I dunno what it is." He shrugs. "Never mind. I'm probably just blowing up the whole situation."

"It's confusing," I agree. "I just never really thought about it that way until after I'd fallen in love with Sasuke."

"How could you not – I mean, he's a guy. He may not be macho, but he's not ambiguous either. You can't just ignore a person's gender."

"Maybe you can."

"_I_ can't."

"You don't have to. We don't have to think alike, Kiba."

"I just don't get it!" he says suddenly. "I don't understand you at all anymore. It's like you're a different person from the one I knew."

I blink. "Well, of course I've changed."

"But I mean—" Kiba gropes for words. "You live for Sasuke now. I know you love him and he means a lot to you, but you're losing who you are. And we're losing you. You don't hang out with us anymore, you don't make the same jokes we do. You're so much more… reactive now. You always used to make decisions for yourself. Now all you do is listen to Sasuke."

I frown. "What are you implying? If you're saying that I'm turning into—"

"A girl?" There's a hard look in his eyes. "Maybe a little."

"Okay, look. I know I'm not exactly the manliest guy here, but I'm no less of a guy just because I'm gay."

"Maybe not, but you'll be walking that line soon if you're not careful. Between you and Sasuke I expected you to be the more assertive one, but—"

"Kiba, don't you dare—"

"I mean, come on," he goes on, ignoring me. "You don't even top."

A satisfying cracking noise accompanies the feeling of my fist smashing into his jaw. My knuckles immediately smart, even as guilt begins to trickle reluctantly into my veins.

"I'm probably overreacting," I tell him, "but fuck, Kiba, you're supposed to be my best friend."

He's gingerly testing his jaw, but he still manages to shoot a defiant look at me. Somewhere in there, regret is stirring.

"For one thing, it's not any of your business what I do in _bed_," I say, refusing to feel embarrassed. "For another, how I fuck has nothing to do with my personality. I thought you were more mature than that."

"I'm not apologizing."

"Whatever you like." I roughly brush past him towards the exit, and don't say goodbye.

—

It's not until I settle into the chair by Sasuke's bed and rest my chin on my folded arms on his mattress that I can really start to think about what just happened. It's the strangest fight I've had by far. Kiba said something rash, and I did something rash, and we both regretted it right away. So where were the apologies? And, more importantly, do I feel guilty about Kiba's accusations? Are his words hurting me because they're true?

If I respond sincerely, my answer is no. Yes, his words are true, but no, it doesn't shame me to not "top." It's not something to be proud of, but being proud implies showing off and the last thing I want is for my sex life to be public. It's a personal matter. And it's not like I haven't tried. I don't want to hurt Sasuke again – it was far too terrible the first time.

As though called to wakefulness by my thoughts, Sasuke stirs and his eyes flutter open. He still looks tired, but he seems happy to see me.

"Why are you wasting your time watching a sleeping person?" he asks, although he's smiling. He pulls his hand out from the covers to caress my cheek, and I turn into his touch.

"I just got here," I say, "and it's not a waste if you wake up."

"I guess. What's up?"

His eyes are searching mine, and he can see the disruption in them. Sometimes I forget to credit his observational skills.

"Had a fight with Kiba."

"What did he say?"

"Stupid things. He said I wasn't much of a guy anymore because I bottom, so I punched him."

Sasuke's eyes immediately go stormy. "Kiba has no right to comment on that."

"I know. I regretted punching him, and I could tell he regretted saying what he did, but he wouldn't apologize." I close my eyes. "I don't care as much as I should."

"Isn't he supposed to be your friend? Why would he say a thing like that?"

"I don't know. He kept saying I'd changed. Sasuke, have I changed?"

"Everyone changes."

"I know that."

"Yes, Naruto, you've changed. We've been through a lot, and we've come out different. You've been through things that are impossible to ignore. You have bigger concerns now than you did a year ago. Kyuubi, for example. University. Us."

"We're not a concern."

"No, but our future is." He inches closer and presses the smallest of kisses to my lips. "I think Kiba's worry is that you've changed without him watching. I've been with you the whole time and I've changed with you, but Kiba's been on a different road, and now that you've come back together he doesn't recognize you anymore."

"Well, how come it seems like he hasn't changed? Surely if he's been on his own road, he would come back with a difference too."

"Maybe he's changed more than you think," he murmurs. "Don't worry. It'll all resolve itself in time. Come here."

Sasuke wearily sits up. I help him, then, at his gesture, sit next to him in bed. He puts his head on my shoulder; I pull him closer and stroke his hair slowly.

"Being sick isn't fun," he mumbles.

"I can imagine. Do you think you'll get any better soon?"

"Don't know. I had this for two weeks once. It could be a while, or I could be better in the morning. But unless my fever breaks soon, I won't be going to class tomorrow."

I nod. "Get lots of rest."

"I can barely sleep," he mutters. "I'm just so hungry and my mouth is parched, and I can't do a thing, and my whole body aches."

"You need to eat something," I say adamantly.

"I still feel nauseous enough to want to avoid anything going in my system right now."

"Even water?"

He nods.

"You'll die of dehydration. Please, just try to keep some water down?"

He sighs. "I can try, but bring the garbage can over."

I pour a glass of water from the jug on Shizune-sensei's desk, then take it to Sasuke, setting the garbage next to his bed. He drinks slowly, carefully; he pauses several times, and his brow is furrowed with the effort of telling his body not to reject something so simple as water. But gradually it seems to get easier, and before too long the glass is empty. He sits very still, avoiding disrupting his system.

"You okay?"

He nods slowly, like he's not ready to open his mouth. I refill the glass and set it on the side table before getting back into the bed with him.

"I think it'll help," he says finally.

"Yeah. You know you were hallucinating this morning, right?"

Another nod. "Asleep I dreamt of Kyuubi; awake I saw him staring at me, talking to me. It was… terrifying." His voice is small, as though he's loath to admit it. "I don't know how you put up with it."

"I'm used to his presence. If I concentrate, I can still feel him there, even if he can't speak to me right now."

"He told me he was going to kill you."

"Sasuke, you can't really see Kyuubi. It's just your imagination."

With a measured slowness he pulls my gaze to his eyes, and once again he searches me. His progress is slow and difficult, each obstacle etching a twinge in his face, but gradually I feel his presence finding its way through my own being, right into my core. It's like nothing I've ever felt before – it's beyond a physical connection, beyond an emotional bond. His very essence is brushing up against mine, pressing into it; it's so foreign that something within me convulses with discomfort, dislodging him. He winces, and suddenly his presence is gone, now only apparent the way I'm used to.

"S-Sasuke," I breathe, finding my voice shaky. "What did you just…?"

He's panting; his eyes are glossy, his face drained of colour. He sways, then slumps against me.

"I… can do something," he whispers. "Your… eyes… I can see you, Naruto."

"I felt it. I feel like… I… you – kindofviolatedme," I mumble in a rush. "I mean – I trust you, Sasuke, but I have no clue what just happened…"

"If it were anyone else, it would be impossible." He clutches me close, speaking into my chest. "It's because it's you, and because it's me. If it wasn't you I was trying to read, I wouldn't be able to. And if you didn't trust me completely, you would have blocked me off."

"But what did you _do_?"

He shakes his head. His grip on my shirt is beginning to falter. "I don't know. I'm… so tired… I can't move…"

Sasuke's strength gives out, his hands falling. I hold him closer, sensing his consciousness slip away like a silk cloth off a table. I kiss the top of his head, close my eyes, and let my own turmoil calm to a faint murmur under the persuasive caress of sleep.

—

I sleep in the next morning and am nearly late to class, so it's not until lunch that I have time to visit Sasuke. I find him splayed out on the bed, stripped to his boxers and sweating profusely. His breathing is laboured and his face and hair are wet with perspiration. Although I'm concerned at first, Shizune-sensei appears with a glass of water (which Sasuke downs in one go) and explains that this means his fever's breaking. Relieved, I spend the rest of lunch as well as my spare period there, refilling Sasuke's water often, using a towel to dry off his skin now and then. It's with relief and almost impatience that I get to my last class, English; there I find a distraction in the form of Takeshi and Takeshi. They sit behind me and Sasuke in English, and as the class progresses I hear muffled snickering behind me more and more often, as well as the rustling of paper – they're passing notes. Eventually I get pissed and snatch one out of Takeshi's hands as he's unfolding it. It reads, in sky blue ink: _Then we'll all meet in Shiroi's room after class. We'll have some fun._

"Naruto, give it back," Takeshi hisses.

I slowly turn back to him, and his face falls when he sees my expression. Behind him I can see Blue smirking triumphantly at me. He winks. I suppress the urge to throw up, then turn back and refuse to give them the note. At the end of class I confront them outside in the hall.

"You've been passing notes with – with _that_?" I point to the swatch of blue that comes out of the classroom. Said swatch reaches for me, but I slap his hand away, bristling. He instantly rebounds, pressing a hand to Shiroi's chest, smiling seductively at him. He walks away, fingers trailing around to Shiroi's back, then grabs Takeshi's ass briefly before continuing down the hall. I swear he only smirks wider when he sees my glare.

"You got something against him?" Takeshi asks, looking far too amused for the seriousness of this situation. "He's cute, in a flamboyant sort of way."

"He's an ass. Watch yours."

The name twins laugh. Shiroi says, "Don't worry about us. You should check up on Sasuke. We'll see you later, alright?" And they leave before I can say another word.

* * *

Uh oh…

R+F


	87. Clubbing

As promised, here is the regular Saturday update. Enjoy!

* * *

I visit Sasuke, but he's still recovering. He tells me he'll be spending a last night in the nurse's office, then returning to classes tomorrow. When I tell him about the name twins and Blue, however, he nearly jumps out of bed in a rage.

"Lie down," I say quickly, pushing him back onto the bed. "They made it clear they can take care of themselves. It's on their heads if they get raped."

"Naruto, you can't talk like that," he fumes. "Blue's not someone they can just—"

"They've always been lax about other people in their affections, right?" I say. "They don't really mind. Let them do what they want."

Sasuke doesn't reply, but he seems angry all the same. He remains quiet throughout the rest of my visit, until the point where it has me worrying too. Eventually I concede and go see if they're alright.

It takes me a lot of courage to knock on the door of Shiroi and Sasuke's room.

"Go away," says a listless voice.

I turn the handle and enter anyway. The name twins are lying on Shiroi's bed, close together. Takeshi peers out from Shiroi's shoulder. They both look shaken.

"What did I tell you?" I say.

"Don't," Shiroi mutters. "Just don't."

I take pity on them and sit at the foot of their bed. "What did he do?"

Takeshi presses closer into Shiroi, who hugs him tightly. The looks on their faces tell me they've nearly been forced to relive an incident from years ago, an incident in which they were both too hasty, where they both got hurt.

"Takeshi… did he…"

He nods. "You know, don't you?"

I sigh. "There isn't much I can say."

Shiroi shakes his head. "You already said it. It was up to us to listen."

"You guys know how Sasuke and I feel now, though, don't you? When people get in between us."

"Yeah. Trust us, we do."

It's hard to balance pity and an I-told-you-so attitude. In the end I have to settle for the latter. "Good. Excuse me, then, I've got someone to castrate."

I go to Sai and Blue's room next. Sai, hair dishevelled, opens the door.

"Oh, hello, Naruto-kun."

"Is Blue in there?"

Sai looks surprised and opens the door wider. Blue's lying on Sai's bed, panting and flushed, his jeans undone. Trying not to feel revolted, I firmly turn my eyes away from the admittedly impressive bulge in his underwear and fix them on his face instead.

"You were with Takeshi and Shiroi?"

"The name twins? Yeah. Thought we'd have a little romp, but they chickened out and threw me out of the room."

He sounds utterly unrepentant. I resist the very strong urge to grab the nearest pair of scissors and stab him in the groin. I think I can feel the wood of the door frame creaking under my fingers.

"What about you? Wanna join me 'n' Sai for a bit?" He smirks and sticks his thumbs into his waistband.

"No, you slut. And it's not 'cause of Sai." I give Sai an apologetic look, and he nods, not offended. With that done, I leave. My appetite is completely dashed, so I simply go back to my room and flop on the bed.

"What's up, Naruto?" asks Aoi.

I sigh. "Gay drama. Hey, Aoi?"

"Mm?"

"Don't ever go gay."

He chuckles. "I'll remember that."

I end up sleeping through the evening and right up to my alarm clock the next morning. Starved, I leap out of bed and head to breakfast, where I meet Sasuke. I can't help giving him a huge hug. He just laughs and hugs me back tightly.

Drawing back a little, I whisper in his ear, "Can we get out of here so I can kiss you?"

He chuckles. "Sorry, I'm still a little sick."

"Mean teme!" I push him away, but I'm still smiling. He ruffles my hair and takes my hand.

After breakfast we head outside to see that a bunch of girls has made a circle beside the cafeteria door, and I can only assume the object or person in the middle of the circle is the focus of their attention.

"The fangirls aren't storming us today," I say. "It's a miracle."

Sasuke nods in mild wonder. "Shall we go see who or what our miraculous saviour might be?"

The scene, we find soon enough, has been caused by no other than Takeshi and Takeshi, sticking close to each other and trying to keep up with the frantic barrage of girl-induced fandom, although you can't say they seem too annoyed. Nor are they doing anything to stop it: Shiroi's got his arm around Takeshi's waist, and Takeshi's hand is in Shiroi's pocket. One of the girls sees us approaching and taps her friend on the shoulder, and a brief ripple goes through the group; but before long they return to the main attraction.

Shiroi notices the brief disturbance and peeks over the group, then splits into a smile. "Hey, Sasuke, Naruto."

More whispers course through the girls at this. The first girl who saw us asks, "Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun, you know them?"

"Know?" I laugh. "We know each other far too well."

The name twins come over through the group of girls, and we exchange fist bumps and hellos. I help Sasuke fend off the crowd, and we head back to the dorms to get ready for classes.

"What were you guys up to?" I ask. "You know better than to taunt the fangirls."

Their mood goes quiet. Shiroi says, "I guess we're working on getting closer."

"And that involves sucking up to the masses?"

"It makes us feel good being together," says Takeshi. With a lighter tone he adds, "Let us enjoy it while it's still novel. We'll deal with the consequences if it starts to suck."

Sasuke looks at me, but I whisper in his ear, "I'll tell you about it later." So he turns back to the name twins and says, "Don't come to us for help when they start stalking you."

"Well, I figure we'll need the practice, ne?" Takeshi nudges me with an elbow. "When we're famous, the fangirls will flock. Better build up immunity now."

"Famous?" Shiroi grins. "Will you be starting a boy band, then?"

"Yeah! Me 'n' Naruto, and maybe we can find some other people to join us. Sound like a plan?" he asks me.

"Sure, just get a ticket with me to England and we'll be set," I say.

"Oh yeah." Takeshi looks a little put out at this. "I forgot you're leaving after high school. Well, we'll just have to start sooner, then, won't we?"

I nod. "We've got all year."

"England." He looks thoughtful. "Is it really good for dance there, England?"

"Dance? I dunno. Europe is better for art in general, apparently." I look to Sasuke for confirmation, and he nods. "The point is, I qualify for a full scholarship, and I can't afford post-secondary study on my own."

"You two should check out some scholarships too," says Sasuke. "There's all sorts of strange things. Did you know you can get a scholarship at Tokyo University if you're a guy under five feet tall and interested in bird watching?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't know, and I think that's just it. It's other people offering money to students, so they can set the terms of qualification. Maybe the man who funds that scholarship is a short avian enthusiast."

"Of course, there are always the standard 'get good marks, get money' scholarships," says Shiroi.

I snort. "I can tell you I won't be eligible for those. Sasuke, you could do it."

"I plan to. And you'd better do your best this year too."

"Why bother? All any art schools ask is that you finish high school."

He glares at me. "If you take that as an excuse to slack off I'll—"

"You'll do what? What can you do to me, teme?"

Sasuke opens his mouth, then pauses. "I could deny you sex," he says doubtfully.

"Denying me sex is denying yourself sex, idiot. And anyway, it's not like we have that many chances to get it on, now that school's started."

"There's the spare period."

I concede to that one. "Still, you're the one who's always jumping me. If anything you'd cave first."

"Are you sure about that one, dobe?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"

"Maybe it is."

"You realize this is happening right after you got over your flu, meaning we've already been doing this for half a week?"

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

I grin. "You're on. We'll see who comes begging to whom."

"Is jacking off in the shower off-limits?" asks Takeshi.

"No," Sasuke and I say together. I add, "This isn't a test of our physical limits, it's a test of which one of us needs the other more."

"What's the winner get?" Shiroi asks.

We look at each other. Sasuke smirks.

"They get to do whatever they want to the loser for one night," he says. "_Anything_."

I gulp. I can only imagine what torture Sasuke might put me through if I lost. There's a hell of a lot at stake here.

"I look forward to seeing you grovel," says Sasuke casually.

"In your dreams," I retort automatically.

"You don't want to know what you get up to in my dreams."

I laugh aloud. "Maybe if I did, I could use that to make you want me more."

"Impossible," he smiles.

—

In my mind, I can't help relating our new challenge to Sasuke's clingy attitude. I don't want to reprimand him for it, because I love him that much too – but it's starting to get overbearing, and the last thing I want is to get annoyed with his affection. This is a good opportunity to maybe find a safe distance between us. Takeshi and Takeshi, on the other hand, begin to spend more time alone together, retreating to some unknown place, always coming back speaking quietly to one another. On one hand, I feel bad about what Blue did to them and partly guilty myself for not being harsher on them, but on the other, they seem to have come out the stronger for it.

Our challenge begins easily enough, since we only have one class together every other day of the schedule. It's a bit of a grind to have to deal with Blue in drama class, especially after the fiasco with the name twins. The first day in drama consists of icebreaking games, since we're ostensibly going to be spending the rest of the year together and have to be comfortable in order to act or whatever. Some of the people in the group already know each other and the teacher from being in the drama class in previous years, and they're very animated and at ease. Blue also seems to have no trouble, capitalizing on his flamboyant attitude and coming onto guys and girls alike. He can brush it off as acting, but I know better; still, I have to follow suit and pretend it doesn't bother me, which is worse than anything. With the effort of keeping Blue at bay, I end up all nervous and tense, and come off as hesitant as I introduce myself. I dump all my exhaustion on Takeshi in the next class, and he just pats me on the back and says some encouraging words, and flirts a little, which is a lot more humorous than Blue's come-ons. His teasing is a little less enthusiastic than usual, for which I can hardly blame him, but as time goes by they gradually seem to get back to their old clowny selves.

Sasuke and I set the terms of our challenge on the fly: holding hands and kissing and cuddling are safe, but no sexual intimacy is allowed. When, after a couple of weeks, neither of us is anywhere close to giving in, we prohibit everything but the most platonic of touches. I can feel my body yearning for his – during our spare period, when we hang out in the dorm room, whenever we find time alone – and I don't miss the way his fingers fidget when they're near me, and how his eyes rake my body, lingering where his hands can't touch. But neither of us relents.

Sakura-chan notices our unusual chastity within the first couple of days. Although I haven't seen her since the intro classes and we didn't have time to talk then, she spots us in the cafeteria one day and announces her sighting with a squeal.

"Naruto!" she shrieks, hurrying over.

I stand up, knowing what's coming, and she immediately glomps me. Laughing, I hug her back, and when Sasuke raises an amused eyebrow, all I can say is, "It's less dangerous than getting hugged while sitting."

"Oh my goodness, Naruto, I haven't seen you in for_ever_! Your hair's grown so long," she gushes, fussing at the bangs that constantly threaten my vision. "And have you grown taller? And—" She frowns, squints, looks me up and down. "There's… something… different about you. Not physically, but—"

Sasuke snickers. I look questioningly at him, and then I remember the scene before our paintball game—

"Not this again," I groan.

She looks from me to Sasuke. "What is it? Sasuke-kun, you've got it too. What happened?"

"That," says Sasuke, "is a matter of utmost personal privacy."

Sakura-chan's face falls. "Oh. Okay, I guess I can…" Then a flicker of realization appears in her eyes, and she stares at us. "Wait. Is it – did you—" Unable to hold it in, she squeals again.

"I tried," says Sasuke, shrugging.

"No you didn't, you just helped her figure it out!"

"I said nothing."

"You did!"

I look to Sakura-chan, who's peering wide-eyed through her fingers at us, trying and failing to conceal the deep blush on her face. "It's what I think it is, isn't it?"

"How does everyone just _know_?" I ask, exasperated. Not that I expect any more of an answer than last time.

"It is! Oh, you two, you… Naruto, you're still only sixteen!"

"Don't preach," I say before she can start. "I'll be seventeen in two weeks anyway, don't you give me that."

"Well as long as you were responsible about it," she says doubtfully. "I mean, obviously you two knew what you were getting into—" ("You," Sasuke mutters in my ear, and I dig my nails into his wrist) "—and… well, at least you two are safe and happy and no one's hurt. But – ooh, I can't believe it!" She emits another high-pitched noise. "You'll have to tell me all about your summer this weekend, okay? Saturday morning at the gates, no excuses!"

She hurries off to eat with her friends, and I sigh and sit back down.

"I swear, she can be such a fangirl sometimes," I mutter. "Frankly I don't think I've ever seen her act like this before, though."

"Has she ever known any gay boys before?"

"No…"

"There you have it, then."

I shake my head in disbelief. "Hopefully it'll subside soon."

Sasuke just snorts. "Knowing this school, it'll do just the opposite. You _do_ know who she's talking to right now, yes?"

I glance over. It's Ino, looking far too interested in Sakura-chan's story for any good to come of it. I bury my face in my hands.

When Takeshi and Takeshi find out about my date with Sakura, they decide to drag Sasuke off somewhere on Saturday, and I let Sakura-chan take us to the mall. It's a good thing she isn't a shopaholic kind of girl, or I'd get the hell out of there first chance I got to ditch her. Instead we just walk around and she kind of glances at stuff. I figure if she were here with her girlfriends, Ino would get her into the shopping craze. I'm glad I'm not a girl.

I tell Sakura-chan what I can, about living somewhere besides school for the first time, about being with Sasuke, meeting Takeshi and Takeshi, our paintball match, a little bit about when I found his parents' shrine, and possibly even less about his birthday present. But she's far too interested in that part of the story, and eventually wheedles out pretty much everything from me: how I staged the gift, what I felt, how Sasuke reacted. I thought I was pretty used to talking about stuff like this by now, but it's different with Sakura-chan. I mean, I used to have a crush on her! And she's a girl, and she's crazy about shounen-ai. I refuse to tell her the specifics – that is, what goes where and all that physical junk – but she does mock me about bottoming multiple times.

"Will you cut it out?" I say irritably after about the sixth time. "Bottoming isn't a bad thing."

"But I just never expected you to give in so easily. Hasn't Sasuke ever—"

"I hurt him," I snap, then freeze. Sakura-chan turns to look at me.

"You…?"

I slump down on a bench. She slowly sits beside me, and her hand covers mine.

"He was curious, so we tried it out. It didn't work."

"Oh, Naruto… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

I shake my head. "It's okay. I don't blame you. It's just… Well, when you're straight, there's only one way to do it, right? So I guess you assume for gay people that there's a choice. But there isn't, for me and Sasuke. I'm not even going to think about trying again until he's completely ready."

She can only nod.

"Why am I telling you this?" I sigh, putting a hand to my face.

"Because I'm your friend," she says with a smile.

"It doesn't matter what you are, it's still awkward."

"Don't you talk to Takeshi and Takeshi about this kind of stuff?"

"Yeah, but they're guys too. And they're gay, and this has sorta been our area since the beginning. We're used to talking about this together, because none of us has anyone else to talk with about it. It's just… Sakura-chan, you're like my sister. Would you tell your siblings this kind of stuff?"

"I don't know. Maybe not, if I had siblings."

"See?"

"Still! You can always tell me anything," she smiles. "I'll listen."

I put an arm around her. "Thanks, sis. What about you? How's your summer been? Found any cute guys?"

She giggles. "Yes, actually, I've seen a few cute guys over the summer. I've only talked to a couple of them, but Ino's got a boyfriend now who goes to that other high school to the north."

"Got your eye on anyone?"

"Ohh, there was this one guy I saw at the festival the day before we came to school." She pulls out her phone and shows me a picture, which was evidently taken from afar.

"Oh shit, not him. He's gay."

"What?"

I nod. "His name's Ryuu. He's an ass, don't talk to him. I know, he is really cute, but… no."

She looks a little upset by this, and deletes the photo. "Okay, well what about this one?"

"Hot _damn_," I grin. "Never seen him. Looks like he's about twenty-five, though."

"Oh, I know, but… I've kind of always liked older men," she giggles.

"Sasuke's four months younger than you."

"Sasuke-kun's an exception," she winks.

"Anyone at Konoha High, then?"

"Hmm. You know, Kiba's not all that bad," she says pensively. "Is he single?"

"Technically yes, but I think he's still pining." I explain his situation with Sui. "It'd be good for him to get his mind off of her, but he might say no. Hey, you know who's cute? Aoi."

"Your roommate? You probably shouldn't tell Sasuke you think your roommate is cute."

"Yeah, no. Sasuke would castrate him, and then probably fuck me senseless—" I stop when Sakura-chan giggles, blushing madly. "But I'm pretty sure Aoi's straight and single. Want me to hook you up?"

She thinks. "I've only talked to him a couple of times, but he seems nice."

"I'm taking that as a yes. I'll see what I can do."

—

It turns out Aoi isn't initially interested in a semi-blind date, but after a little coaxing he finally agrees to give it a shot. They don't exactly hit it off, but they find a couple of things in common and keep at it, and eventually figure out that they're really cute together. Sakura-chan shows up in the common room more often, and we spend long hours chatting together with Aoi and Sasuke. I guess I've kinda forgotten what girls are like, being surrounded by (mostly gay) guys now. It's nice to know I haven't _become_ a girl, comparing myself to her.

Clubs start the second week. Kiba and Gaara have decided to take on baseball on Tuesdays after classes, and Sai joins a calligraphy club Friday afternoons. On Wednesday at lunch Shiroi and Sasuke go to writing, so Takeshi and I laze around in the grass and fall asleep and end up being late for music class.

Takeshi drags me off to choir on Thursday at lunch, where Kurenai-sensei teaches the group of thirty-some students (mostly girls) a short, easy song. A lot of the people here know how to read music, but not everyone does, so it's a bit of a struggle at first. But we figure it out, and each section learns its parts (turns out I'm a tenor with Takeshi), and when we put them together in a slow run of the song at the end of the hour, it actually sounds pretty cool.

That evening before we eat, I drag Takeshi to the little square outside the cafeteria to do a dance. With the approval of Tsunade no baa-chan, we set up by the wall with some speakers and perform. Afterwards, I give the crowd a message about the hip hop club, which I've decided will be on Mondays after school, and post a sign-up sheet on the caf's bulletin board. Iruka-sensei agrees to supervise the club. When I come back on Monday morning, the sheet's overflowing.

Takeshi whistles. "Is it you, or is it the subject?"

"I'm not that popular. Hell, I'm not really popular at all, except among the fangirls, most of whom wouldn't want to learn hip hop anyway." I scan the names. I recognize some as being in our grade, but I only know a couple of second years by name from Gaara talking about his classmates, and I don't know any first years. A lot of these names are unknown to me.

"Maybe it's me then." Takeshi ruffles his hair in just the right way and grins endearingly. I roll my eyes and mess up his hair instead.

—

Iruka-sensei's reserved the gym for us, so after classes I change into my dance clothes, grab my iPod and speakers, and head over. Several people are already waiting with their bags, apparently having booked it here at the bell. I told them to be here half an hour after classes ended (keeners). I say a few hellos and settle by the door to wait. A lot of people have come with a friend or two. Iruka-sensei arrives to let us in, then Takeshi, then, to my surprise, Sasuke and Kiba. Unsurprising, unfortunately, is the fact that they're glaring daggers at each other. Hoping it's a viable option to ignore this, I push the issue aside and call the group to sit in a circle.

"Hi everyone," I say. "Thanks for coming. This is kind of a test run, so, I was wondering… has anyone here ever taken a hip hop course before?"

There's a bit of one of those awkward silences you get when a new group of people has come together; no one really wants to talk, but one guy nudges another, who concedes.

"I tried out a bit of dance last year, but nothing much," he says.

I nod. "That's more than me."

"Really?" says a girl. "But you're so good at it."

"I do what I can," I say with a smile, "but I'm thinking I should take some classes this year, to make sure I'm doing everything right. I just learn from videos and such."

Impressed chatter runs around the circle. I glance away, embarrassed.

"Imagine what you could do if you learned from a teacher," says another person.

"Are you gonna teach us dances?" asks the girl.

"Yeah, I wanna learn the one you did last week!"

I laugh. "That one took me months to get right, practicing several times a week. Has anyone here ever done _any_ choreographed dance?"

Besides the guy who spoke up, only a couple of others say they have. Sasuke, Kiba, and Takeshi have, of course, and I'm counting on them to help me out here.

"Well, most of us here are beginners, and we only have an hour a week to get things done. How about I show you something simple first?"

I go with one of the first dances I did with Sasuke and the others, because Kiba and Sasuke know it and it's not too confusing. Some people catch on quicker than others – some get certain moves on the first try, while others have to drill them several times to get the hang of it. We only learn the first section of the song in that hour, but as the weeks to by we slowly perfect it and add more parts.

Despite my reluctance to become the leader, the simple fact is that I started the group and have more experience than the others, and so they start coming to me for everything. I find myself balking at the way members of the group act towards me: they come to me for help in the middle of the week; the younger ones call me senpai; everyone listens silently when I talk during the meetings. One guy, Ken, happens to be in my drama class, and we quickly become inseparable there – and he helps me fend off Blue, for which I'm incredibly grateful. (Later Ken admits he's kind of homophobic, but only around people as open as Blue, and I've never come on to Ken. Not that I would, since I've got Sasuke.) There's a certain respect I seem to have gained – and it's startling when, one day, Sasuke reminds me of my very first day of high school, when I scrawled my name on the chalkboard and demanded that everyone recognize me for who I was.

"You're doing it," he says with a smile. "It's what you've always wanted, right?"

I wind up the cord on my speakers. "I guess it is. I didn't really expect it to happen this way."

We leave the gym and head back to the dorms. Sasuke glances at my hand as though expecting to take it, but – perhaps to his fortune – it's the hand that's occupied by the speakers.

"I'm not sure I can do this much longer," he admits quietly. "It's hard enough to avoid ravishing you in class, but when we ban it completely, that's another added layer, and no touching now either. And now you're teaching these dances and moving your body and I just want to—" He exhales, a breathy, exasperated sort of moan, and I swear my cock jumps.

"Sasuke, could you stop being so sexy in public? At least wait 'til we get into the room before you start teasing me."

The truth is, we've both been feeling the effects. Is it normal for people to feel this way? To be turned on by everything your partner does after only a month of chastity? We barely even pass each other pens anymore because the slightest accidental touch could set us off. I find myself dreaming of Sasuke's heat at night, spacing out staring at his ass in the day, and jacking off to ghost sensations of him in the shower. Morning wood becomes a common problem, especially with Aoi around, and I give up evening showers because I know I'll have to get in there when I wake up anyway. Although I was the first to admit these effects were creeping up on me, Sasuke readily concurred once I did and we spent nearly an hour going over how much we wanted to jump each other day in and day out. And yet it's almost a game, as though we're trying our hardest to seduce the other into losing.

"That's not fair," he says. "You and your fucking hips when you dance – I have to deal with this every week, and I can't even say a few words once?"

My heart's beating like a war drum. It's with gratitude that I split from him to put my stuff back in my dorm room and grab my homework before joining him.

In the middle of the week Sasuke mentions plans to go home for the weekend, because it's my birthday and our one-year anniversary. This challenge, he says, is an unexpected bump in his plans – he was, in fact, hoping to get some that day, which is why he wanted to be home, so that we could get it on in privacy and without disturbing anyone (in more than one way).

"This has got to stop," he declares on Friday morning to our breakfast table of four. "Sunday's the limit. We can't celebrate our one-year anniversary without sex."

I nod. "Agreed. It's no-holds-barred this weekend."

Takeshi and Takeshi look at each other in panic. They avoid us for the rest of the day. Everyone does. The sexual tension is so thick you'd need a chainsaw to cut through it. I swear it's all I can do to fight down an erection on the bus ride to Sasuke's house after classes. Even harder is to keep myself from molesting him the second his door is closed behind us. He glances over, notices the bulge in my pants, and sighs.

"It's gonna be a long weekend," he says.

* * *

I think a lot of people will enjoy the next chapter. :)

R+F


	88. Turntable

Welcome to the best chapter since 65! Or something like that. Uh... I won't say anymore.

Incidentally, eight is a lucky number in China and, if I'm not mistaken, Japan as well. You stack more eights, you get more luck.

* * *

Little things break us down for the next two days. Sasuke watches me slurp my ramen on Friday night, and I swear he's jealous of the noodles. I, on the other hand, have to put up with him licking a popsicle with obvious intent, watching me through predatory eyes. I delegate myself to sleeping on the couch that night, unable to trust my body not to hump him while asleep if he's that close, and we both walk into the kitchen the next morning completely hard.

"It's kinda hard to enjoy our alone time when we can't even touch each other," I murmur, reaching across the table for him; but he draws his arm away. "Sasuke…"

"Are you giving up already?" he asks with a smile, although I can see him trying hard not to be drawn towards my touch.

"Weren't we supposed to be trying to stop wanting each other so bad? This is only making it worse."

He nods. "I think we chose the wrong way to wean ourselves."

I pull my hand back and rest my chin on my arms, watching Sasuke's face, trying to tell my hormones to stop raging. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Naru."

My heart twinges. I toss my bowl in the sink, drag myself down the hall, and sprawl out on the futon with my cock aching. It's getting hot, so I strip to my boxers. I feel like sleeping, if only to escape a couple of hours of this torture. I close my eyes halfway, groaning with frustration.

"Fuck, Naruto, stop that," Sasuke growls from the doorway.

I idly trace patterns on my stomach. "But I want you, Sasuke."

"I can't deal with this." He strides to the bathroom and slams the door shut. I hear the shower turn on. Five minutes later he emerges, hair wet, a cold shower having calmed his body. Unfortunately for me, he's chosen not to wear any clothes. I turn over, entranced. It's been weeks since I saw him naked…

He sighs and sits on the edge of the futon, stretching out his legs and leaning back. His hair drips gently. He smells like – like Aoi's deodorant. Fuck. I forgot he bought soap that smells like that. In any other case I would be thrilled. I take a deep breath, taking in his scent.

Sasuke glances over and smiles, and I snap.

In half a second I'm on top of him, lips locked and hips grinding. His taste is flooding my mouth and my hands are on his waist and he's digging his fingernails into my back and it feels so fucking good, like a dam breaking under the pressure of a waterfall, like the explosion of gunpowder that sets off a bullet. Within moments it's over and I'm panting like I've run a marathon and Sasuke's face is flushed and sweaty, and the pieces click back into place.

I exhale. "Fuck."

His smirk is unbearable. "You lose."

"I don't give a damn, asshole." I kiss him fiercely once more. I'm still not satisfied. "I need you, Sasuke."

"Ride me," he whispers.

I tear off my boxers, find the lube still hidden in the pillowcase, and slick both our members, bringing us back to hardness within minutes. Sasuke's hands explore me as I work, his thumbs dipping into my mouth, his palms brushing my nipples, his fingers running through my pubic hair. He pulls me down to suck at my neck. I quickly stretch myself, then lower myself onto him. He moans unreservedly against my skin as his heat slides into mine, as our bodies finally join together once more. Everything fits again as I lean back, as he slams upward into my prostate, as he runs his hands down my body, as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close and kisses me and his stomach rubs against my erection until I release again, then collapse into him, utterly spent.

"You are beautiful," he breathes in my ear. "You're beautiful and I love you and tomorrow will be the best day of your life."

"The best day of my life was the day you showed me you loved me," I reply with a smile.

"That's every day."

"So it is."

—

Sasuke wakes me up with breakfast in bed late the next morning. Having had sex several more times yesterday, our bodies have more or less settled down by now, allowing us to sleep together on the futon. We eat together, the tray between us.

"So," he says, "what are we doing today?"

"Besides each other?" I laugh. "I dunno. Do you wanna go out, or just stay inside?"

"It's nice outside. Let's go for a walk."

We take our usual path around the lake, hand in hand, walking close. After the excitement of yesterday, it feels good to calm down and have some peace and quiet together. We sit by the fire pit across the lake, and then it begins to rain hard, so we take what cover we can under a tree.

"Sorry," says Sasuke, "I know you don't like rain."

I shrug, resting my head on his shoulder. "We're more or less okay here."

Sasuke looks pensively out at the water, churning with the precipitation. "Have you ever thought of kissing in the rain?"

"Huh?"

He shrugs. "They say it's romantic."

"It's cold," I say slowly. "And wet. We're wearing clothes."

I can tell he wants to say something dirty, but he holds back, and I find myself grateful. I like the serenity we have.

We fall asleep there and wake up sore from sleeping in awkward positions, but the sun's been out long enough to begin to dry the ground, so we make our way back home. We find out – firsthand – that it'll be heavy showers on and off for the rest of the day, and we sprint the last hundred feet to Sasuke's door shielding our heads. But before I can grab the doorknob and hurry inside, Sasuke tugs my hand, throwing me off balance, and I fall into his arms. Before I can find my feet again, he leans in and kisses me.

At first I squirm with discomfort; my clothes are getting steadily wetter, my body colder; and my hair is dripping into my eyes. But Sasuke gently passes his thumbs over my eyelids, directing me to close my eyes, then his arms – so warm – encircle me, holding me close. By the time he slips a hand under the back of my shirt, everything is so soaked that it makes no difference, and still his warmth leaks into me as rainwater mingles with his taste, and as my shoes fill with water and cold needles drive into me and the rain fills the air with pattering, I sink into him for refuge and feel love.

It gives us an excuse to have a hot shower together, too.

We laze around for the rest of the day, enjoying the storms from inside. Mostly we lie on the couch or the futon together, snuggling, limbs tangled, fingers in hair, eyes closed.

After dinner, Sasuke gets right down to business, teasing me, kissing my ears and my nose and my shoulders, touching my neck and my back and my thighs. I let him touch-herd me to the bedroom. He helps me out of my clothes, then gets me to lie on the futon before stripping himself and climbing after. His attitude is reverence and his actions are praise: as his lips move in worship against my body, I simply melt, closing my eyes and just feeling the sensations he creates. He wordlessly sculpts his adoration around my being; the only sounds are of gentle breathing, sliding skin, rustling sheets, and tiny kisses. Despite my love for his warm voice and his painted words, I can't help revelling in the silence, broken only by the brush of affection.

Even when he decides to turn his attention to my member, already half-erect, his touches and kisses are light, light enough to avoid too large of a surge of energy, but pronounced enough not to leave me frustrated. He pumps slowly and sensually, sucks gently at the head, dips his tongue into the slit, rubs circles into my hips. I squirm with satisfaction, trying not to break the silence, but a small moan escapes me. Sasuke abruptly stops and looks up to my face. I stare back down at him, panting, feeling vulnerable. He just smiles and returns to his ministrations. He coats my shaft liberally with saliva, then sits up on my thighs, directing me to sit up as well. He grabs the lube, then takes my hand and spills some of the liquid onto my fingers.

"Touch me," he whispers, leaning back, his legs on either side of me. His grasp on my wrist, gentle, guides me downwards, past his member—

"Sasuke, what are you doing?" I ask, immediately apprehensive.

"The winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser for one night," he murmurs. He pulls me close and whispers in my ear: "I want you to fuck me."

I wince at his words, contrastingly sharp in the gentle moment. "I'll hurt you."

"No." He urges my hand closer. His other hand finds its way around my neck and pulls me down over him as he lies down. "I've been… preparing myself. I'm ready."

The look in his eyes is resolute, almost defiant – almost pleading. I freeze as, once more, his gaze seems to pierce through my eyes and into my inner workings, baring himself to me and me to him, but once again the slightest disturbance breaks his concentration. But it was enough – I see his certainty.

"You… really want this, don't you?" I breathe.

"I know we can do it." He cranes his neck to kiss me. "We are strong. Both of us."

He brings my hand the rest of the way, and I feel my fingertips make contact with his entrance. I watch his face as I rub gently, allowing him to become accustomed to my presence there, then carefully dip a finger in. It's not as difficult as it was during the summer – Sasuke seems to know how to react now, how to relax and breathe through it. There's no struggle, no fighting. For once we work together seamlessly. I add another finger, then a third, and Sasuke shows no discomfort. He simply holds me and watches my eyes and lets me prepare him.

After what seems like forever, he finally nods. I pull my fingers out, slick myself with lube, and, trembling, slide in. The resistance is less than I expected, and to my alarm I thrust harder than I meant to, but Sasuke's nails dig into my skin and he moans in what is clearly a reaction of pleasure rather than pain. His legs wrap around my waist, his arms around my neck, and he buries his face in my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I whisper in his ear.

He nods, panting, his hips rolling. "Don't stop, don't stop."

I set a slow, steady pace, sliding in, then back out, in and out, Sasuke's heat clutching at me as though to hold us together. This isn't new to us and yet I feel it in a whole different light: this time we're doing it right, and no one is getting hurt, and it feels wonderful. Sasuke's breath feels wonderful on my ear, his murmurs and moans the music that accompanies our dance. I feel sweat beading on my forehead, dripping from my hair, as I pick up the pace, the ins and outs blurring into a single continuous movement.

Sasuke pants and squirms and claws, wordlessly pushing for more, his entire body clinging to me so that we might never part. I thrust hard into him and he cries out, his body squeezing in reaction, and I know I've found it: and from there I stop at nothing to strike at that one spot over and over, to feel him tightening around me, to give him every bit of pleasure that I can until he arches his back and pushes his member against my stomach and his entrance tenses. I quickly wrap my fingers around his erection and pump until his seed releases against our skin. His knees lock around me as his muscles spasm with the pleasure for moments after his orgasm, and his kiss is what pushes me helplessly over the edge, heat bursting its seams within me, and I give one final thrust and empty myself into him, shuddering with the effort to find that last drop of ecstasy.

Finally the shaking of my arms gives way and I tumble down onto Sasuke. His hands are now soft on my back, nails no longer digging, ankles no longer locked around my body. His eyes are wide open as he catches his breath, and although we're both sweating and overheated, neither of us can bear to let go.

"Happy anniversary," he finally says, with a quiet smile.

"Happy anniversary," I reply, kissing his cheek.

I'm already drifting into sleepy comfort when he taps my shoulder. His presence is such a comfort to me now that I barely notice it, but my interest is undoubtedly peaked when he murmurs, "Can we shower? I want to give you something."

* * *

The next chapter is short. I'm going to publish it on Tuesday, in honour of Two Face's second birthday! Yay! Another huge thanks to everyone who's joined me. Two Face is definitely going to breach the hundred chapter mark… which is absolutely mind boggling. I never even expected two digits! You know, seventy chapters ago.

Tonight I'm also going to post the first chapter of a two-shot SasuNaru mostly-PWP, so look out for that. It's extra special!

Thanks for reading!

R+F


	89. Relations

As promised, here is the (admittedly short) extra update. Because today is Two Face's second birthday! I dunno what happened on its first birthday, but yeah. Enjoy!

* * *

I sit on the couch, nervous. Sasuke's in the bedroom, getting something out of his bag, organizing something, he said. I can hear papers shuffling, muffled with the distance and the closed door. I stare at the blank television screen, wishing its uniform nothingness would suck me into a similar state of vacancy.

Finally I hear footsteps, and turn to see Sasuke appear from the hallway with a black binder in his hand. He sits next to me and puts his arm around my waist.

"You didn't get me a birthday card, so I didn't get you one." He allows a smile, then offers the binder. "This is my present to you."

Almost afraid to look inside, I cautiously open it. The first page contains a photocopy of my government identification card, with a picture of me when I was about twelve. Confused, I turn the page. The next page contains my birth certificate.

"H…how'd you find this?" I ask, my voice coming out much smaller than I'd intended. "I've never seen this."

He shakes his head. "Keep going."

I turn the page. Here is a picture of a beautiful young woman, with bright eyes, a round face, and long, dead-straight, ruby red hair. It's her ID. The name—

"U…Uzumaki… Kushina?"

I turn to Sasuke in disbelief. His face shows all the truth I need to know.

Frantic, I turn to the next page. Here is a man, youthful and confident, and his eyes look just like mine, his hair perhaps a touch longer, a shade darker. _Namikaze Minato_. His face looks oddly familiar.

"You have your mother's face," murmurs Sasuke, "but your father's hair and eyes. Of course, Kyuubi left his mark as well." His fingers trace my scars, and for the first time they feel utterly out of place.

"But – Sasuke… Sasuke, how—?" I'm lost for words, a lump forming in my throat. My eyes are itching with the beginnings of tears.

"Jiraiya-sensei runs the writing club. He helped me a lot with this. I've worked all month with him to find these records. He knew your parents well."

"D-did he?" I take a deep breath, which turns into a watery sniff. Rubbing my eyes, I turn the page. It's a picture of the statue of the man who saved the town from Kyuubi's attack. "What's this here for?"

"You've seen it before, right? Look closer."

I take in the long coat, the confident stance, the determined look on his face – the long, spiky hair—

"…My father."

Sasuke nods.

"My… dad. The city's hero."

"He sealed the Kyuubi within you. They gave you your mother's last name, so you wouldn't know. He sacrificed his life, the life of your mother, and your own life too, in a way, to trap the Kyuubi." He pulls me closer, as though to comfort me. "He would never have wanted this to happen. You were supposed to be seen as a hero, not a monster."

"That was kinda naïve of him." I give a small smile. "You can hope, I guess."

"Here." Sasuke reaches across from me – my heart flutters, as though I'm not used to his proximity, as though it's the first day we ever went out – and turns the page. "Jiraiya-sensei gave me some photos."

Sasuke has taken pages out of a photo album and put them into the binder. I see photos of my parents, in love even at our age. It's as if I watch them grow, seeing their happiness, their youthfulness never fading – nor their love. There are pictures of my dad goofing off, of my mom grinning exaggeratedly at the camera. Dad in his long coat, the one he's wearing as a statue, with fire at the bottom hem, concentrating as he goes through his exercises – probably something related to how he sealed Kyuubi. Mom with her hands on her round belly, smiling, her long hair cascading down her back and around her shoulders.

A drop of water appears on the photo sleeve, splashing between my parents' happy faces. I blink a couple of times, feeling tears between my eyelids. Sasuke pulls me closer and brushes a thumb under my eye.

"Thanks," I whisper. "Thank you for everything, Sasuke." I wipe off the page, set the binder aside, and snuggle into Sasuke, burying my tears in his shoulder. His hands are warm on my back, his arms secure around me, his love tangible in all its forms. Finally, finally, my family is complete.

* * *

Presents all round.

So Ruka-x3 managed to guess… uh, what was it again? I'm pretty sure it was the source of the title for my one-shot "Gotcha Stuck In My Elevator." It's been a while xD Anyway, it's Elevator by Flo-Rida, so I did a quick SasuNaru sketch for her. Here it is, hoping the link works:

i38. tinypic. com / 2iljymq. jpg

See you on Saturday.

R+F


	90. Fire and Ice

A little smut, a little angst. Enjoy this week's chapter.

* * *

Returning to school on Monday isn't a particularly attractive prospect, so I convince Sasuke to skip and we get back in time for dance after classes. Iruka-sensei reprimands me for coming to the club but not his class that morning, but the knowledge of who my parents are weighs so much in my heart that I can't help feeling justified, so his ire means little to me. (Later I explain it to him, and he lets up his anger just a little.)

Takeshi's the first to notice that Sasuke and I are back together physically, but of course since Shiroi's not in the hip hop club he doesn't see us until afterwards. For the dual occasion of my birthday and our anniversary, the name twins give us another locked box, larger this time, insisting that the key is hidden within my own possessions this time. I find it jammed in between my laptop and its battery a week later, once I realize said battery isn't working properly. Out of the box comes two smaller cardboard boxes. One's got two tubes in it; the labels are in English, but neither Sasuke nor I can make out the full sense of the words in this particular context. At the top of each tube it says "KY," which is even more confusing.

"KY stands for 'kuuki yomenai,' right?" I ask. "What do these tubes have to do with not being able to read the group atmosphere?"

"Dobe, in this case it's probably something else."

"What's… 'ting-ling li-qui-do'? And 'lu-bree-can-to'?"

He shrugs. "They never taught us that word. Look it up."

Being the nerd he is, Sasuke insists that we search an English dictionary, claiming it'll have a more accurate definition because it'll explain exactly what the word is all about in its own language, whereas if we just translate it we'll probably get our own biased understanding of the word in Japanese. I tell him it's not that big of a deal and he should quit being so technical, but he just tells me I need practice for next year and refuses to argue after that.

We get onto Sasuke's computer and I read, " 'Lubricant: a substance such as oil or grease for lessening friction, especially in the working parts of a mechanism.' "

"How do you make your Rs like that?" he asks.

"What?"

"I don't know. You just…" He attempts an English R sound, but it sounds more like an N or L. I laugh. "Shut up. How are you so good at pronouncing things in English?"

"How should I know? Maybe it's because I'm not actually Japanese. I mean, neither of my parents look particularly Asian."

He puts a hand on my forehead, combing his fingers into my hair. "So you're saying that because your genes are Caucasian, you can pronounce English well?"

"Yeah! Obviously." I grin, and he moves his hand to the back of my head to pull me into a kiss. I giggle, then allow the contact to become gentle. His other hand finds my back and forcefully tugs me closer; I end up sitting in his lap, shirtless, grinding, clutching his shoulders as he makes hickeys on my neck. It's in this position that Shiroi sees us, then promptly backs out and closes the door, sniggering.

"Wait!" I jump off of Sasuke and wrench the door open and peer around it. "Shiroi?"

He's still chuckling to himself. "What?"

"What's this?"

I hold up the tube. Shiroi's eyebrows rise, then his laughter starts up again.

"It's lube, of course. Y'know?" He mimics jacking off to demonstrate. "I'm going out for lunch with Takeshi, and you've got spare next, right? So go make use of that for a bit. Did you open the other box yet?"

"No, we were too busy trying to figure out what KY had to do with lube."

"It's the brand name. KY doesn't mean 'kuuki yomenai' in every language, you know," he says. "In the English speaking world it's better known for being lube."

"Oh. _Well_ then. What's in the other box?"

"Go find out yourself. Can you pass me my bag? I don't want to come back with you two in there." He snickers again.

I comply, then close the door. I turn around, then gasp, finding that I'm nose to nose with Sasuke. There's a smirk on his lips, a glint in his eye. His hands are pressed against the door on either side of me.

"I figured it out," he says. His hand finds the side of my head, then slides down my neck – I inhale quickly – then out to my shoulder and down my arm, plucking the tube out of my grasp. "You look… tired. Why don't you lie down a while?"

"S…Sasuke? What are you talking abooouuuuuuut—" My words turn into a shout as he sweeps me off my feet, then carries me bridal-style to his bed and throws me down, climbing over the footboard to follow after. My initial struggle to sit up is abruptly halted when I look down to see him shirtless at my feet.

"Why is it that you hardly ever molest me?" he asks, bringing his face close to the bulge that still exists in my pants. He grasps the flap of my jeans with his teeth and works the button open that way, then unzips the fly. I lift my hips to allow the removal of my lower garments.

"Because I don't need to. You're always molesting me." I suck in my stomach as he administers a long lick to my shaft.

Sasuke sighs, his breath cooling the saliva on my member. "I suppose that's an acceptable reason, but I wish you had the nerve to jump me more often."

"The nerve?" I repeat, bristling.

"Well, obviously you don't because you're afraid of something, right?" He climbs up until he's eye to eye with me, and touches noses with me. "Tell me, Naru, what's holding you back?"

"I'm not afraid of anything," I snap, eyes fixed on Sasuke's smirk.

"Is that so?" His lips brush mine as he speaks and he reaches downwards. "Are you willing to back up your claim?"

Before he knows it, I've flipped us, pressing him down on the bed, pinning his wrists. In doing so, I find that he's holding onto two pairs of handcuffs. My eyes widen.

"Where the hell did you get those?"

"They were in the other box." His smirk widens. "I was gonna chain you up, but…"

Our eyes meet, and his seem almost to be suggesting something, provoking me into action. I get a knee in between his legs and distract him with that while I move upwards. He pants, rolls his hips into my thigh, licks at my nipple, totally unaware of – or perhaps simply ignoring – what I'm doing with his hands. Soon I've got each of his wrists locked with a corner bedpost of his headboard.

Sasuke tests his bonds, but the bed is sturdy and the handcuffs strong. They're not real handcuffs; they have a button on the side that releases them as well as a keyhole (I assume the keys are still in the box), but they're still made of metal. He looks up at me and raises an eyebrow.

"I didn't know you were into bondage," he says.

"You insulted my courage. You'll pay."

He just smiles. I knee him a little harder for that, and the smirk turns into a wince of slight discomfort.

I quickly rid him of his pants and boxers, then grab the lube, flip it open, and squirt some into my palm. It's not as thick as our previous lube (which is running out, so I guess this was good timing); in fact, it's pretty much a liquid. As soon as it makes contact, my skin begins to tingle.

"Whoa." I poke at it with a finger, which also buzzes with sensation. My thoughts jump, and my cock reacts similarly.

"What?"

I look up at Sasuke, then break into a grin. "Oh, this is gonna be fun."

I coat my fingers with the tingling substance, then move upwards to kiss him. He responds eagerly, but then growls in frustration. When we break apart, he says, "I want to touch you."

"Aha." I smile. "Well that's just too bad, isn't it?"

"Naruto—"

"Let me show you how I feel whenever you ravish me," I say. I explore his body with my mouth, pumping him with my clean hand, never once touching him with the lube. He squirms and strains, but he can't get out of his restraints. It's oddly alluring, having him prone like this.

"Naruto, let my hands free," he says. "Let me touch you."

"Mm, no." As much as I'd love to feel his fingers on my skin, I can't allow him that freedom. I think it'll be fun to see if I can get him to beg.

I suck him off for a while, leisurely, without bothering to pleasure him too much. He tries to thrust into my mouth, but I hold his hips down and double my efforts. His groans of frustration are positively heart-stopping, and when I tug at the skin of his sac with my teeth, his gasps send bolts of stimulation through my body.

I hoist his legs up, his knees hooking over my shoulders, then slick my clean fingers with spit and begin to slick his entrance, still holding back on the lube. He pushes against my probe, but I refuse to touch his prostate. Once he seems sufficiently relaxed, I add more lube to my hand and begin to coat my erection.

"Shit, this feels really good," I breathe, lathering my hot shaft. Fireworks are erupting all over the sensitive skin, and with each pulse I thrum with pleasure. Sasuke watches me with needy eyes.

"Naruto, stop jacking yourself off and fuck me already," he grumbles.

"All in good time, Sasuke," I reply sweetly.

"Dobe – nnh!" He gasps as I squeeze his cock. "N-Naruto…"

I bend over him. My hair brushes his forehead; one of my hands supports my upper body as I hover above him, while the other holds my member steady an inch from his entrance. He can feel my heat from there. "Say it again, baby."

He licks his lips, breathes deeply, and whispers in a low, hoarse voice: "Fuck me."

I plunge, sliding in to the base, then pause there. Sasuke grunts, eyes squeezing shut for a brief moment, then snapping open again as the tingling begins. "What the—?"

"It's the lube," I murmur, though my voice is already thick as the raging heat combines with the buzzing feeling. "It does this tingling thing, and… ohh…"

I can't help it; I start moving sooner than I meant to, and Sasuke moans, tugging harder than ever at the handcuffs.

"Naruto, let me touch you," he breathes as I pound into him. "Just one hand. Please."

I shake my head, panting, my own hand caressing his side. His eyes glow with desperation.

"Naruto!"

"How much do you want it?" I ask.

He squeezes hard around me and white spots appear in my vision. Then he moans as I hit his sweet spot.

"Naruto… please. Please." His voice is rising to an unprecedented pitch of unfulfilled desire, and I groan and thrust harder into him. "Naruto, I'm begging you!"

That's the ticket. I lean in to kiss him, simultaneously reaching up and releasing one wrist, then the other. His hands immediately fly to my back, gripping my skin almost painfully. One hand grasps the back of my head to deepen the kiss; the other runs all along my body, tracing my curves and angles. I bring my hand, still tingling with leftover lube, down to his shaft to pump it. The added tingling to his hot erection sets him off, and soon he climaxes with a long, drawn-out moan, arms wrapped tight around me. I keep thrusting through the amazing buzzing, through his muscles clenching around me, until my own orgasm hits me and I fill him with my essence before pulling out, the tingling helping to tug at that last bit of pleasure before I fall into him.

"Once again, I ask, why don't you molest me more often?" he says, smiling, exhausted.

I shake my head. "Not a clue."

—

"Takeshi."

"Hm?" Takeshi's busy jamming buttons on a handheld video game, not paying attention.

"Takeshi!"

He pauses his game and looks over, then flinches as he realizes the handcuffs are dangling an inch from his face. "Oh, you opened the box?"

"What the hell are these for?"

"They're for you to lock Sasuke up, of course. Now that you've figured out what dominance is—"

I sit down next to him on his bed. "What made you think we're into bondage?"

"Never said you were. Just thought you might be interested in trying it out. Did you? Was it fun?"

I ignore him. "Where do you get this stuff anyway?"

Shiroi walks in and lies next to Takeshi, putting his head in the other's lap. "You can get handcuffs at any costume store," he says.

"I meant the vibrator, more specifically."

"Oh, that." Takeshi snorts. "Having an older brother has its merits."

"So does having gay friends," adds Shiroi. "Whenever we need something, we can just pretend we're giving it to you, practical joke or no."

"What, so this is a joke?" I ask, snatching up the handcuffs again.

"It doesn't have to be." Takeshi wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "I dunno about Sasuke, but I'd like to see a certain blonde cuffed to my bedposts—"

A loud cough interrupts him, followed by Sasuke draping himself over my shoulders.

"I thought I made it clear that I would castrate you if you touched on my dobe," he says calmly.

"Oh, I know." Takeshi goes back to his game.

"As for cuffing a certain blonde to bedposts, well…" Sasuke adds with a smirk.

"Hey, you're the one who was locked up yesterday—"

"You used them?" exclaims Takeshi. The name twins are a riot of laughter. "Oh, you two are great. You want leather too?"

"Okay, costumes are where I'm drawing the line." I toss Sasuke off me, and he sits on the edge of the bed. "Handcuffs maybe, but no leather or whips or god knows what."

"Not even rope?"

"We can use ties and scarves," says Sasuke casually. "No need to chafe my dobe's tender skin."

"Excuse me? I have calluses from Takeshi teaching me guitar."

"I know, they're awful." Sasuke grabs my left hand and kisses my fingertips. "You touch me with those, it's like a cheese grater."

I roll my eyes. "You're exaggerating."

"Hyperbolizing, in fact." He smiles.

"Grossly."

"Yes, Mr. Big Words."

"You wanna know what else is big?" I smirk, tweaking an eyebrow suggestively. He laughs and tackles me onto the bed.

—

Unfortunately, we get few chances to get it on again for a while. We come to an agreement that we should try to back off on the clinginess – not to the point of our challenge, but a little. It's hard at first, but being back in school helps us recall memories of last year, back when… well, when we were virgins. We bring ourselves back to the days of hand-holding and sweet kissing, and agree to have sex about once every two weeks or so. Sometimes once a week. We're teenagers, what are ya gonna do about it?

We try out the handcuffs a couple more times, just for fun. Sasuke locks me up the second time, but he admits it isn't really as fun as the power he has over me without them, so I use them to lock him up after that. He always objects, claiming he wants to touch me – which seems true enough – but I find myself teasing him more, watching him struggle, watching him wanting me. He grumbles afterwards that I'd make a good dominatrix (although his ire is subdued by the flushed aftermath of our affections). He gets me back by adding the vibrator into the mix, bringing me right to the brink of orgasm multiple times, but each time stopping all stimulation and just watching me with that lusty smirk on his face while I slowly unwind, panting and frustrated.

And then, of course, there's the tingly lube. Having run out of normal lube by now, it's all we've got, so it's either tingling or saliva. Not that the tingling is bad, but using it all the time will detract from the pleasure. (I don't tell Sasuke the story, but I run into Yukio one day and he gives me a mostly-full tube of normal stuff, then runs off looking sick.) After the first few times, Sasuke tops again, and from then on we switch pretty regularly. It's nice, having a different way of doing it.

Since Halloween is on the weekend this year, the school festival takes place on Monday. Takeshi and Takeshi insist on dressing up Sasuke as an angel and me as a devil.

"You know, Sasuke's the real devil here," I say as Shiroi puts cute, fluffy wings on Sasuke's back. "Between the two of us? Sasuke for sure."

"We know." Takeshi unceremoniously sticks my tail down my pants; I jump, and Sasuke glares at him, but Takeshi pays neither of us any mind. He passes me the headband with the horns. "That's the whole point. Anyway, shouldn't you be ecstatically abusing your authority?"

"Yeah, he's the one who locks me up," says Sasuke.

"You're the perv!"

"The innocent angel is overrated anyway," says Shiroi. "Everyone loves a bad boy."

"What, so we're both corrupt, then?"

Takeshi puts his hands on his hips and looks at us critically. "Well, considering you practice sodomy on a regular basis…"

"I still think you would have looked better in a bedsheet toga or something," Shiroi says, tugging at the collar of Sasuke's plain white shirt. Sasuke swats him away.

"For the last time, I am _not_ wearing a toga. And I'm sure we'd all love Naruto to have a sexy red jacket and tie—" ("Oh yes," Takeshi smirks) "—it isn't worth the time or money it'd take to bother. So T-shirts it is."

"What about you two?" I ask. "What are you gonna wear?"

"You'll see," Shiroi assures us. "Go on ahead to class, we gotta add the finishing touches."

—

Going to class proves to be a bad idea. The minute we step into the school, squeals erupt down the halls. I look over at Sasuke and his pipe cleaner halo, and he looks back at me and my plastic horns, and we both roll our eyes, link hands, and head on to Japanese class. For the rest of the day we hear people sniggering about who the real devil between us is. I smirk at Sasuke. He just punches me on the arm.

Our homeroom this year is English class, which has Sakura-chan (and Ino), Kiba and Sai, Takeshi and Takeshi, and, unfortunately, Blue. Thankfully he mostly sticks to Sai here, but he's become increasingly confident in drama class – which I've reported to Sasuke, of course – and we're both on full alert whenever he's around. Today we spend our homeroom period, and the hours after it since it's last in the schedule, turning the classroom into a Halloween-themed café. Takeshi and Takeshi, who came into English class under plain white bedsheets with eyeholes cut in them and going "WooOOoo!" in an overly theatrical manner, seem keen to be waiters tonight (though they somewhat reluctantly agree to ditch the ghost sheets and be werewolves instead), so Sasuke and I decide to join them (we're given roles as vampires, to Sasuke's perverted amusement) and everyone else in the gang tags along too, to make it more fun. Sakura and Ino, who were in charge of organizing the event, get the night off, while we stick around and serve coffee and cake to the ladies (often swooning fangirls) and the girls who chose to be waitresses serve the male guests, wearing maid uniforms or cat ears and tails.

We're approaching the end of the festival and I'm just bringing some used dishes into the side room when I nearly walk into Sai and Blue making out very physically against the wall. I cough loudly and pointedly, and they separate with an annoyed reluctance.

"Oh, it's just Blondie," says Blue, although his eyes tell a different story, shining with lust at the sight of me. Then his eyes flicker to a figure behind my shoulder, and at that moment a familiar arm wraps itself around my waist. Blue detaches himself from Sai and, before anyone can react, he's right up next to Sasuke, saying, "How's it going, hot stuff?"

The back of his hand brushes Sasuke's cheek and I nearly flip out, but Sasuke slaps him away, his hand tightening on mine. "Don't touch me, whore."

Reeling, I look from Blue, seemingly unaffected by Sasuke's vehement rejection, to Sai, who's simply standing by the wall watching. Like he doesn't even care that the guy he was just kissing is now hitting on another boy – _my_ boyfriend.

"Sai, what the hell are you doing?" I ask, my voice coming out shaky.

"Nothing," he replies.

"I can see that much." I take a deep breath. "Listen, I haven't questioned your preferences, because you seem happy, but look at what he's doing! Get the fuck away," I add angrily to Blue.

Sai's face is as unreadable as ever. "What's wrong with it?"

"What do you mean, what's _wrong_ with it? Besides the fact that he has no shame, do you not even care that your… _boyfriend_ is hitting on someone else? While you're around? And that someone else is _mine_?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

This stops me in my tracks. "What?"

"You heard me. We're not going out."

I can only gape. One look at Blue confirms Sai's words – there's no emotional attachment whatsoever between them. I can't focus on Sai any longer, though, with Blue continuing to hit on Sasuke. Sparks ignite low in my stomach and darkness burns the edges of my vision. I stagger back, pressing against the wall, and all eyes turn to me. Those icy blue eyes, that gaze that feels like he's trying to undress you and get into you—

"_Go,"_ Kyuubi snarls. _"Bite him, scratch him, hurt him. He dares touch Sasuke, he dares defy you – kill him!"_

My sight flickers, whites flashing in blinding red and blacks exploding invasively. I close my eyes tight and clutch at my head, but Kyuubi's leering face won't disappear from my vision, daring me to try repelling the fury that threatens to claim me.

"_He'll take your boy, you know he will. He'll use your friend and throw him away, take your boy when you're not around; he may even turn to you. He threatens everything you have! You would hold back in delivering justice, in protecting what you love?"_

No, I scream in my mind, no, stop, I can't hurt anyone anymore. Hands grip my shoulders and the din of echoing voices deafens me, but Blue's icy eyes and Kyuubi's heated ones are fusing, becoming an explosion of hatred and anger, one huge monster clawing at my sanity. I'm losing my grip on the physical world; my body is numbing, my vision wiping clean, silence pressing on my ears, and all I can feel is rage.

—

"_So?"_

Two huge, fiery eyes pierce my soul through giant bars. I am calm, though I can tell my anger is raging in the distance like a volcano far away.

"_Will you fight, or will you run like a coward and let that boy do what he likes?"_

"I can't," I say.

"_Can't what? You don't have a choice. He's sexually assaulting Sasuke."_

"I know!" I shout, the words echoing. The volcano roars; I feel its heat wash over me. "There's got to be a different way out of this."

"_There isn't always a third option, kit. You fight or you give in. He will not listen to reason."_

I clench my fists.

"_Look at this,"_ he says, and unnervingly sharp images appear in the air – Blue fiercely kissing a Sai trapped in regret, Blue shoving his hands down my pants, Blue raping a screaming Sasuke. I blanch, but Kyuubi has no remorse. _"This is what you're risking. Will you stand by and let this happen?"_

"I—"

A hand thrusts into my vision and the images explode into a thousand shards of colour. Kyuubi draws back in surprise, retreating until only the glow of his eyes is visible.

"Don't underestimate Naruto, you filthy fox."

I look over and meet a pair of blood-red eyes, piercing me. Sasuke turns his hand to me and pushes me against the wall, his glare sharp enough to slice my heart out. His hand is strong and hot against my hammering heart.

"And you – don't you dare give in," he snarls, and presses his lips to mine.

The darkness sucks itself in, then shatters. I find myself once more in the side room, Sasuke's mouth refusing to part from mine, and Sakura-chan and half the girls in our class – and some who aren't in our class – staring down a startled Blue. My body begins to ache for air, and I grab Sasuke's head and pull him away, gasping, staring. His eyes open, as black as ever, although the look he gives me makes me almost certain they could bleed red once more. Sakura-chan, hearing my heavy breathing, whips around.

"Naruto!" She hurries over and puts a hand on my shoulder, looking carefully at me. "Naruto, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah." The worry in her eyes irks me. "Don't look like that, Sakura-chan. I'm fine."

"You always say that, but you can't—"

"No, trust me." I take Sasuke's hand in mine. "I'm alright."

Sakura-chan understands, and she nods, almost towards Sasuke as though telling him to take care of me. He nods back his reassurance, and she turns to tell the rest of the girls to leave us to figure it out alone. But Blue's already fled the scene, as has Sai. By the time the last of the spectators are gone, it's just me and Sasuke.

"Sasuke, what did you – that—" I don't know what to say. I grab his face and look into his pitch black eyes, searching for that bloody crimson. Finally, my voice hoarse, I manage to whisper, "You saw Kyuubi."

He blinks once, and when his eyelids open again it's as though his eyes behind them have changed; I can read the memory of the horror he experienced, the anger, the confusion, the realization. Sasuke is…

"Who are you, Sasuke?"

"I'm the person who loves you more than anything or anyone else," he replies, hugging me tightly. "That's all that matters."

"I saw you. I saw you in there, in – in me. Why? How?"

"I don't know either. You were about to hit Blue or – I don't know what, but I looked into your eyes and I saw it – I saw that demon. I could hear him goading you. I saw the things he showed you." I can feel his repulsion. "In the end, Kyuubi still acts for himself. Even if he does care about you. He still wants out, and he's still willing to use you."

"I know," I say.

His lips brush my ear. "Don't you dare let him, Naruto."

* * *

Hey, you know what? In ten days, I'll actually be old enough to be reading this stuff, let alone writing it! My birthday is at a really odd time; for example, I was applying for a student visa last week since I'm studying out of the country, and I'm seventeen now, but will be eighteen when I travel. Gets to be kind of confusing. I'm going to hang out at gay pride with my best buds for my birthday celebration next weekend, but that won't stop me from updating!

Next week: in which Naruto confronts Sai, Jiraiya gives Naruto a birthday present, there is a chat with Gaara, and fangirls invade the GSA.

R+F


	91. Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows

Sorry, no prizes for guessing this week's title source, heh. You do, however, get a point for figuring out why I titled it as such. It's not that obscure.

* * *

I confront Sai after classes the next day, having texted him at lunch to meet me in the arts hall. I almost expect him not to show, but he keeps to his word and appears on time, and even directs us to an empty classroom to talk. He doesn't press further, however; once we've closed the door, he leans against the wall and awaits my cue.

I cut right to the chase. "I want to talk to you about Blue."

He nods, unsurprised.

"What is he to you?" I ask. "You said you're not going out, so what are you? Friends with benefits?"

"We're not really friends," Sai replies.

"Then what?"

He shrugs. "Just benefits? We're not really anything. We simply find a mutual use in each other."

"He's treating you like a whore!" I nearly shout. The word rings in my ears, more with the impact than the echoes in this room. "You can't just make out with people, Sai. I know you struggle to form relationships with people sometimes, but that's no excuse to have a purely physical relationship."

"Well, why not? What's the harm in it if neither of us expects anything more from the other?"

I open my mouth to retaliate, then find I don't know what to say. I've never considered a relationship like that before. Finally I manage, "Are you sure about that?"

"About what?"

"That neither of you expects anything else."

"Katsumi already made it clear we're not exclusive. There isn't even an 'us.' "

"What about you?"

And here I see, for the first time, a hint of uncertainty in Sai's demeanour.

"Are you sure you're not emotionally attached to him?"

"I'm sure."

"I'm just trying to look out for you," I say. "If you fall in love with him, he's only going to let you down."

"I noticed you didn't say anything against my actions when I told you about my summer," he says, and there's a strange tone to his voice. "Why are you so concerned now about who I fuck?"

Anything I was about to say dies in my throat.

"Don't think you're the only one."

"It… it's not just Blue, is it? I ask apprehensively. "Sai, are you… sleeping around?"

"That's kind of an offensive term, Naruto-kun."

"So you are. When do you find the time?"

He shrugs. "Weekends, mostly."

I frown. "Is that why you never hang out with us? 'Cause you're in bed with strangers?"

"We're not always in a bed."

"Sai!"

The doorknob turns and Ero-Sennin pokes his head in. "Oh, it's you, Naruto. Everything alright in here, boys?"

"We were just saying goodbye," says Sai, offering his usual smile. "I'll see you around, Naruto-kun."

Ero-Sennin steps aside to let Sai out, then turns to me. "What's up, kid?"

I turn away. "It's personal."

"Alright." He waves me over, and I come out of the dark classroom into the hall and we start walking. "How've you been? Did Sasuke-kun give you that thing for your birthday? Happy seventeenth, by the way."

"Thanks. Yeah, he did." I smile at the memory, then look up at him. "Hey, you knew my parents, right?"

"Yep. Taught them and everything."

"Why… didn't you tell me about them?"

He's silent for a moment. "You never seemed too bothered about it, so I thought if I told you it would only make you sadder. Had you asked, I would have."

"I… guess," I say.

"I've got something for you. Hang on."

He pulls out a key to unlock a door, and I realize we've ended up in the science hall. I follow him into his office, where he rummages in his desk until he finds a book and a pack of lollipops. He hands them to me.

"A tad belated, but happy birthday," he says. "The lollipops, well, you'd make better use of them than I would."

"I dunno if you could call it a use, but I'll share them," I say.

"And this is the first book I ever wrote."

I read the title: _The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja_. "Cool! Thanks."

"Let me know when you're done reading it, alright? It's got more to do with you than you think." He grins. "Happy reading. Go on now, I'd hate to be depriving Sasuke-kun from you."

I laugh. "Yeah, he might go into withdrawal. Thanks, Ero-Sennin, and thanks for the stuff about my parents. See you later!"

—

_Sword after sword flew into the tree, each embedding itself into the wood with a resounding thunk like an axe. A loud laugh echoed through the forest._

"_Give it up already!" shouted the shinobi. "I'm sick of playing hide and seek!"_

_The Konoha ninja, with his back pressed against the opposite side of the blade-pricked tree, flung his arm out, releasing two smoke bombs as he did so. His opponent, startled, covered his face with a sleeve as they exploded, filling the area; through the smoke he saw movement and pounced. His blade struck flesh, a cry arose from his target, and blood splattered on the trees. When the smoke cleared, he had the Konoha ninja kneeling on a huge branch with his head bowed, a dagger pointed at him._

"_Give up," he repeated._

_The Konoha ninja said, "Can I say just one thing?"_

"_I don't want to hear it!" he shouted, and slammed the man against the trunk._

"_You should give up…" said the Konoha ninja, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Before his opponent could turn around, he heard a voice behind him: "…trying to make me give up."_

A shadow clone?_ he thought, but too late; the real ninja struck him behind the head and he fell forward, cringing in pain._

"_Even if you… kill me, another assassin will… attack your village," he panted. Then he smirked. "There will be no peace… as long as we live… in this accursed world… of ninjas."_

"_Then I will break the curse. If there's such a thing as peace, I'll find it. I won't give up!"_

_The shinobi frowned. "Just who… the hell… are you, anyway?"_

_The Konoha ninja's eyes were bright with a will of fire. "My name is…"_

—

"Naruto."

A hand appears at the top of my book and pulls it down. Gaara face replaces the pages before he sits down next to me in the grass.

"What are you reading?" he asks. "I haven't seen you with your nose in a book more than… oh, four times, maybe, since I met you."

I laugh and sit up. "It's Ero-Sennin's first book. He gave it to me a week ago for my birthday. What's up? You look kinda tired." And that's saying something, for this insomniac.

Gaara sighs. "I broke up with Yumi."

"What? Why?"

"It's… I'm supposed to take over my dad's company when I'm old enough, and start working as soon as high school is over, so he's training me. But it's hard work, and I haven't had time to balance it plus schoolwork, plus dating. My dad told me I've got to put my priorities in order."

"Oh. That sucks." I put a hand on his back. "How did Yumi take it?"

"She was really understanding, but I mean… We were both kinda sad, you know? We're still friends, sort of, but it's hard. I think I'm almost avoiding her now."

I nod. "I can see how that would be difficult. Knowing you like someone, but aren't allowed to be with them…"

He sighs. "I guess you wouldn't really ever have that problem. Neither you nor Sasuke have parents."

"Sasuke found out who my parents were."

"Really?" Gaara's interest piques. "How?"

"All he told me is he got the help of Ero-Sennin. Y'know the guy who defeated Kyuubi? That was my dad."

Gaara's jaw drops.

"Yeah! He sealed the Kyuubi in me to protect the village." Unable to control my smile, I lie back down, spreading my arms out and squinting at the cloudless, sunny sky. "Ero-Sennin told me about it. I was supposed to be seen as a hero. Didn't happen, but hey. He told me my mom was the Jinchuuriki before me, but someone forced the Kyuubi out of her and he went on a rampage, so dad defeated him and put him here."

I put my hand on my stomach. Kyuubi growls irritably. He's been pissy with me since Halloween last week, but he refuses to talk to me.

"Wow. You're… You're really something, Naruto." Gaara smiles. "Even in the face of all this difficulty you manage to be happy. You're like… like today. Total sunshine. Completely the opposite of what I was, like a night with a new moon."

I glance over. Gaara's always a little touchy about his own time as a Jinchuuriki.

"You know, I think your dad would be proud of you," he says.

I nod, then spring up. "I'm gonna keep doing my best. You too, alright, Gaara? Don't push yourself too hard, but do your best."

I offer him my hand, and he takes it, standing. I keep a hold of it and raise it up.

"A promise to each other. We'll both do our best. And if either of us ever runs into problems, we know who to turn to, right? I'll be your sunshine if you'll be mine."

He smiles and shakes my hand. "Promise."

—

"Sasuke, ne, Sasuke!"

Sasuke turns around in time to catch me as I hug him. "What's up, dobe?"

I pull a sucker from my pocket. "Lollipop? It's orange flavoured."

He smirks. "Yes, Naruto, I would like your lolli—mmph!" he says, because I've stuffed it into his mouth.

"Stop being a pervert. Ne, Sasuke, wanna know where I got my name?"

He lets me go, leaving one arm around me, and we walk to the cafeteria. "From the little white circles of fish paste, of course. The stuff you get in ramen, white with a pink swirl inside."

I roll my eyes. "That's what it means. I was talking about who gave it to me." I pull out the book. "This is the first book Ero-Sennin ever published. He named the main character while he was eating ramen."

"You were named after a ninja in a book?"

"Yeah. My dad loved the story. He saw Ero-Sennin in the main character. Ero-Sennin was a really important teacher to him – not just at high school – anyway, and he and mom decided to name me after this guy."

"And are you growing up to be like him?"

I nod. "I see a lot of myself in this character too."

Sasuke smirks. "Does that mean you'll become perverted like Jiraiya-sensei?"

"You're pervy enough for the both of us," I scoff.

"I know." His fingers find their way under my shirt. It tickles, so I squirm away, then run for the cafeteria. He follows after, trapping me against the wall.

"You know what, dobe?" he murmurs through his lollipop.

I watch his eyes. "What, teme?"

"You're probably as dumb as you are because your brain is made of fish paste."

"Hey!"

"Or all the ramen you eat."

I scrunch up my nose. He kisses me, pushing the lollipop into my mouth. I try to protest, but my words are muffled against his lips.

"Umm… Naruto-sempai, Sasuke-sempai?"

I quickly push Sasuke away and look over his shoulder to see a couple of second years standing there awkwardly. They look kind of familiar… wait—

"Oh, hey! You guys are… uh… I talked to you last year," I say, embarrassed. "On the bridge, about being gay. Sorry, I've forgotten your names."

"No problem. I'm Takeda," says the one with glasses and short black hair, "and this is Hiro."

"Right. What's up? How are you two doing?"

Hiro-kun, whose brown hair has grown down past his shoulders now (I remember it shorter before), grins. "Things are going great for us. We've heard you're doing well with Sasuke-senpai, too. Uh, we have a request," he admits.

"Fire away."

"Well, see, we started a Gay-Straight Alliance—"

"Really? A GSA, in our school?"

Takeda-kun nods. "We've got a good few members. You'd be surprised how many people aren't straight, and how many straight people accept them. Anyway, we were wondering if you and Sasuke-senpai could come in on Friday after classes to talk and answer questions, like guest speakers. I think a lot of our friends would be excited to hear from people like you."

I look to Sasuke, who nods. "We're not busy. We'll be there."

They both light up. "Awesome!" says Hiro-kun. "Room 3029 at 3:30. See you there!"

—

News of our upcoming appearance at the GSA spreads through the school for the next week. It's not necessarily the juiciest of gossip, but it sure has people looking interested. Sasuke and I show up to the meeting to find it overflowing with girls. A lot of them freak out when they see us. I grimace – should have expected this, after all. The ones who seem genuinely interested are all sitting at the front; I assume they're regular members. Takeshi and Takeshi are also present, grinning at us from their seats on the window sill. We get chairs at the very front of the classroom, facing everyone else, and Takeda and Hiro call the group to attention.

"Alright, everyone," says Takeda. "It's great to see so many people here today; sorry there aren't enough chairs. We managed to get some very special guest speakers in today. You probably know of them already. Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto are third years here, and I guess you could say they started the whole gay movement here in Konoha High. It's because of them that Hiro and I have gained the courage to stand up together. It's because of them that many of our peers have been able to admit they're gay without fear of discrimination. If anyone's our heroes, it's them."

The room bursts into applause and whistling. I flush and glance at Sasuke, who's chuckling to himself. His hand finds mine and we interlace fingers.

Hiro-kun takes over, turning to us. "So, Sasuke-senpai, Naruto-senpai, what's it like being the leading gay couple? I know you're not too fond of the social scene, but you have to admit you're in there whether you like it or not."

Sasuke looks to me, so I speak first. "Well, y'know, we make our way. I can't say I knew there was this much of a gay community – I mean, besides the fangirls—" giggles erupt at this "—we've got it pretty quiet."

"Which is surprising," Takeshi says from the window, "because at the school where Shiroi and I came from, we would probably have been beaten up if anyone knew we were gay."

Murmurs of sympathy go out to them.

"Good thing you're here now, then, isn't it?" says Takeda with a smile. He turns back to us. "Any idea why you haven't been called out for being gay?"

"It's Sasuke," I say immediately, rolling my eyes. "Number one most popular guy in our grade. Could get any girl he wanted – and yet he chose a guy. Actually he could probably get any guy he wanted too, come to think of it," I add, to laughter. "And, you know, the whole shounen-ai craze that all the girls have going."

Hiro says, "A lot of people want to know the details of being gay when they meet someone who is – how you found out, how you feel about it, things like that. Can you two share?"

"It's hard to say," says Sasuke. "It's not like we know everything about it. I couldn't start to tell you why I fell in love with Naruto, or why I'm gay. I don't really see myself as homosexual, to be honest. I've never been attracted to anyone but Naruto. I guess you could say I'm Naruto-sexual." The crowd laughs, and I elbow Sasuke. He ignores me. "It's a long story, how we got together, but in the light of all of it gender is trivial."

"Trivial, but still an issue," I say. "Sasuke never had problems with his sexuality, but I was definitely straight before he confessed. He showed me so much caring and devotion that I couldn't help but want him, y'know? Coming to terms with being gay took me a long time, at first morally or socially or whatever, then physically, but I somehow got converted completely. I don't know how. It's not that I never saw guys as hot before, but I used to like girls and now they do nothing for me. No offense to seventy percent of the people here," I add quickly. Murmurs of amusement run through the room.

A hand shoots up from the crowd and a spunky-looking girl says, "Naruto-san, you don't seem like the kind of guy who would be gay. Sasuke-san… well, maybe – no offense, but I mean, you're not as obviously masculine as Naruto-san is."

"Sasuke's masculine in his own way," I say. "It's not like I go out of my way to be manly, but it's my style, y'know? You could be the star athlete and dress in drag. You can't judge a person by what they look like."

"There aren't any drag queens in our school that I know of," says a guy who I know as being very social. "Or anyone really stereotypically flamboyant."

"Blue," Sasuke and I say simultaneously. Then I say, "Well, not stereotypically. But he certainly isn't afraid of parading his sexuality."

"And he paints his nails," someone mutters.

"Who?" says a girl. "Yamashita Katsumi?"

"Who else?" I laugh.

She giggles. "He's really flirty. Kinda cute, but kinda… promiscuous."

"Is he bi?" asks another.

She nods. "He's too easy. He'd jump in bed with anyone. Anyway, I'm mostly lesbian."

"Mostly?" I say.

"Yeah. Little straight, mostly lesbian. They say everyone's bi to some degree."

Takeda coughs, looking a little embarrassed. "Sex aside," he says loudly, "why does anyone feel attracted to their own gender? I've always wondered that. Society teaches us that being straight is the 'right' way – and, indeed, biology dictates the same by encouraging children to ensure survival of a species. So why are some humans undeniably gay?"

"I personally loathe the idea of being in a romantic relationship with a girl," says Hiro. "It's like how most guys would hate to be in a relationship with another guy. It's no fault of mine, and I don't feel ashamed about it. But why?"

"Doesn't homosexuality exist in nature?" says a guy with about a million piercings. "Like, lions getting it on with other guy lions, and stuff."

"It's usually a display of dominance," says Takeda. A bunch of the girls are giggling like mad, and some of the guys are laughing amongst themselves too. Sasuke shoots a superior smirk at me. I raise an eyebrow. Guess who's topping next time?

"What about that one male swan?" someone calls out. "They wanted to breed it, but it wouldn't mate with any of the females. Then it started humping all the males."

"I said sex aside," says Takeda loudly over the raucous laughter. "Is there any reason to like a gender besides physically?"

"Society's separated genders so much," says Sasuke, "that it's impossible to see a guy and a girl the same way, even if they act identical. Even personality is gender biased."

Discussions fly around the room for the rest of the hour. No one really seems to have an answer to Takeda's question, but some interesting theories are called to light. It really gets me thinking. Being gay isn't just about liking guys. It's really intertwined with other sexualities. Why is it that being straight seems so much simpler?

"Because it's what the majority of society is," says Sasuke when I ask him after the meeting's over. "As a minority, you're delving into something relatively unorthodox. People will ask questions. You have to fend them all off and explain that your reasoning is just as acceptable as theirs, while their reasoning has already been accepted."

"You're confusing me," I say, linking our hands.

"Are you questioning your sexuality?"

"Not at all."

"Then don't worry so much." He smiles.

"I guess. There's just so much to think about that I don't know where to start."

"You never were that good at thinking."

"Teme."

"Well, it's worth going through whatever troubles we face just to be with you." He pulls me a little closer.

"But we don't have that many troubles," I say. "Not compared to people like Takeshi and Takeshi, who said they might have gotten beaten up at their old school if anyone knew. That doesn't happen here."

"No, it doesn't. We're very lucky."

"Yeah, which means you just said being with me isn't worth very much," I say jokingly.

He stops walking and faces me. "I'd do anything for you."

I have to smile. "I know."

* * *

It's very strange for me to be reading over this chapter before publishing it, considering what I'm currently writing. I can't say much without revealing anything, but a basic fact of the story has been turned on its head and reading stuff before it seems so unreal…

Incidentally, I'm working on chapter 100! I am amazed.

R+F


	92. Swings Both Ways

Hey, I'm actually of legal age to be writing this stuff now! Haha. I definitely don't feel 18. At least, I think that's the legal age here…

* * *

Group projects with assigned teams are the bane of everyone's existence most of the time. I'm not sure whether or not this English one is for me when I'm put with Kiba and Sasuke. When the teacher announces our names, Kiba looks almost mortified.

"I just want to get one thing out before we start," he says as soon as we've found a place to gather in the corner of the classroom. "If you two start fooling around, I swear I'll—"

"Relax, Kiba," I say. "We know how to behave."

"You'd better," he says, almost meanly.

I frown. "What's up with you lately? I haven't talked to you in months, and now you're acting like this. Did I do something wrong? Is there something I can atone for? If I did something that bothers you, tell me. I'll fix it."

"It's not you," he mutters, then he spins the assignment paper around to face us. "Here. I'll fill out the first section, Naruto, you do the second, and Sasuke can do the third."

We stick to our word – at least, I do. Sasuke never promised anything, although I spoke for him, and he decides to make the best of this loophole. I'm being sincerely obedient, but Sasuke hooks his foot around mine or slides a hand across my thigh under the desks, purposely trying to trip me up. I ignore him when I can, and fight him when it gets too conspicuous. We get several glares from Kiba, which I immediately transfer to Sasuke because he's the one making all the ruckus.

After class, Kiba makes to get away, but I catch him before he can disappear on me. "Kiba, I want to talk to you."

"And if I don't?"

"Then you'll have to forgive me for forcing you to."

I pull Kiba out of the classroom, my grasp on his wrist tight enough to discourage him from bolting. When Sasuke touches my shoulder, I shake my head. He leaves with Takeshi and Takeshi.

"Will you _let go_?" Kiba growls, trying to twist out of my grasp.

"Are you going to run away if I do?"

"I'm no coward."

"I never said you were."

I let go. He pulls his arm back, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"What do you want?" he grumbles.

I try the simple version. "I want to be friends again."

Kiba glances away before saying, "We still are," but his hesitation tips me off.

I sigh. "Look. Can we hang out sometime? Just the two of us, and we'll do the things we used to do."

"Like what? Go to the arcade, play laser tag, hit the mall—"

"—Yeah—"

"—check out girls?"

I falter for only a moment. "As if a difference as small as that could stop us from being friends."

"It's kinda tradition," he says. "And it's not as small as you think it is."

"Being gay doesn't have to be a drama party. And I can check out girls if I want to."

"You said girls do nothing for you."

"When did I ever tell you that?" I say, then it clicks. "You were at the GSA meeting."

Guilt flashes in his eyes, like he's been ratted out.

"Why'd you go?" I ask, more curious than anything.

"Do I need a reason?"

"Well, since we haven't been talking, it couldn't have been because I was there, and I didn't know you were interested in this kind of stuff."

"A lot of people were going," he says, "and I had nothing better to do anyway."

I raise an eyebrow. "Not convinced."

"Look, I don't need an excuse to go to some stupid meeting," he snaps. "And even if I do, I certainly don't have to tell _you_."

I stare at him, stunned. He starts to look like he wished he hadn't said that.

"…You busy Saturday afternoon?" he asks finally.

I shake my head.

"Meet you in the common room at one." He brushes past me as he leaves.

"Lover's tiff, dearest?" says a voice behind me. I realize his presence has been there since somewhere in the middle of my conversation with Kiba.

"Go fuck yourself, Blue." I head for the dorms at a brisk pace. Unfortunately, he follows.

"Blue?" he says, sounding delightfully amused. "That's adorable. Isn't your roommate Aoi?"

I dislike talking to Blue even more than I dislike talking to Kyuubi. At least Kyuubi cares about me a little, since I have to live for him to live and all. I've learned from dealing with Kyuubi how to ignore people, so I apply my knowledge here. As expected, Blue prattles on.

"You know, I think you should ditch Sasuke-kun," he says. "I mean, he's hotter than Adonis at the centre of the sun, but aren't there people more suited to a stud like you?"

I roll my eyes. You'd think after three months of being in this school he would have realized that Sasuke and I are inseparable. Also when he first tried to come on to Sasuke.

"I suppose not," he says, as though he'd realized what I was thinking. "Couldn't pry you two apart with a crowbar. Have you ever supposed you were just clinging to each other, though? Have you ever wondered what it's like, having sex with someone el—"

"Don't you fucking dare assume we've got standards as low as yours," I snarl.

"Hey, I never said that. I just meant, you guys have only ever done it with each other, right? What if you're missing out?"

"I'm perfectly content to be a frog in a well."

He sighs. "Shame. I could show you a really good time."

I whip around before he has a chance to lay a finger on me and, sure enough, he pulls his arm back quickly.

"Would you get your slutty ass out of my life?" I shout. "I understand fuck-and-chuck is your style, and I've tried to respect your decisions, I really have, if only because Sai is my friend and you've given him something, even a little. But you need to get it through your hormone-clouded head that sometimes there are better things than sex with strangers."

"You wound me," he says, not sounding offended at all. "A stranger? Me? Really, Naru-chan."

I grab his shoulder and punch him in the face. The blow sends him backwards and he hits his head against the against the wall of the dorm building, clutching a bleeding nose.

"You don't have the right to call me that," I hiss, "and you never will. I suggest you get castrated before your hormones make you rape someone, because I _will _find you out and you _will _end up behind bars."

I storm up the stairs, my knuckles smarting. Thankfully Sasuke and Shiroi's room is unlocked; the name twins aren't around. I enter, slam the door behind me, and throw myself into Sasuke's arms on his bed.

"What's up?" he asks, concerned. "Did something happen between you and Kiba?"

I forgot about Kiba. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Relatively, no. I'm hanging out with him Saturday afternoon."

The tension in Sasuke's body reveals his worry. "Naru?"

At this my fury rises again, and I press closer into him, clutching him tightly enough to hurt him. "Fuck."

"Hey. It's alright." Sasuke strokes my hair, takes my hand, rubs circles into my palm. He forces me to look into his eyes, and he delves in. I'm starting to get used to this, but it's still a delicate process. He assesses my emotions and frowns. "Who'd you meet?"

"Blue."

Sasuke's eyes flicker, and I can practically see the red in them as anger floods him. "What did he do to you?"

"Pfft. Nothing. I punched him; he's scrawny. But he…" I squint at the patch of pillow next to Sasuke's head. "Sasuke… have you ever thought of having sex with someone else?"

"What? No, never. Why would I want anyone but you?"

I nod. This is the reaction I expected. "Blue made it sound like being exclusive is a bad thing."

"Don't listen to what that faggot says." The words are harsh, especially coming from someone who technically is a fag. "He's got everything backwards."

"I know, but he just… He asked me if I think I'm missing out, only knowing you. I couldn't care less."

Sasuke's expression is hard to read. Eventually he says, "Are… are you sure you don't care?"

I look at him, shocked. "Of course! You've given me everything, Sasuke. We've shared everything. How could I want someone else?"

He seems comforted by this, but his doubt is not yet assuaged. "But Naru… what if there is someone out there who's better than me? We're each other's first and only. We don't know what it's like to be loved by other people, to have sex with other people. It's like only knowing one colour of the rainbow."

"D-do you want to know the rest of the rainbow?" I ask, accidentally stuttering.

"Don't say that," he whispers, hugging me close. "I don't want anyone else."

"Then why did you ask? Isn't it better this way? We're so special to each other that nothing could compare."

"I'm afraid I'm keeping you from better things."

"Sasuke—"

He looks at me seriously, willing me to see that he means what he said. I reach across the short distance between us and gently cover his eyes with my hand.

"Sasuke, do you remember… when you left, and I kissed a bunch of people?"

His heart speeds up. "How could I forget?"

"I know what it's like to have someone else. I don't _want_ anyone else. It's special because it's you."

"Maybe you just had bad luck," he murmurs. "Maybe the people you kissed weren't all that good."

I shake my head. "I've kissed people before you, Sasuke. I know when someone is good. Ryuu was a good kisser."

His hands clutch me tighter, the only warning I get before he presses his lips to mine. He kisses me long and hard. When we part, he whispers, "Don't talk to me about other people. Not when I've already forgiven and forgotten. If I remember again…"

"Sorry." I lie back down and kiss his jawline, then his neck, slowly and softly. He tilts his head to give me more room. I kiss him and kiss him and kiss him, until he's squirming and his breathing is shallow, and his hand is down my pants grabbing my ass when Shiroi walks in.

"Hey, Naruto," is all he says, though his smile is impossible to ignore. He sits at his desk, facing almost pointedly away from us.

I look over at Sasuke. He shrugs, then brings his hand around to the front of my pants. I grab his wrist, shake my head, and drag him to the shower stall instead.

—

I dress in an old favourite outfit of mine on Saturday, checking my appearance critically in the bathroom mirror. I got my hair cut last night – finally – and I'm not entirely used to the shorter length yet, even though it's what I've had for the larger part of my life. I poke my head out of the bathroom to ask Aoi if I can use some of his deodorant.

"Are you going on a date?" he asks as I spray it on.

"Huh? No. I just really, _really_ like the smell of this stuff." I take a deep breath. It makes me want to jump Sasuke, and he's not even here right now.

Aoi chuckles. "I've never seen you dress up like this for Sasuke."

This makes me feel uncomfortable. "Gotta go," I say, grabbing my effects and stuffing them into various pockets of my cargo pants. "See ya later."

Aoi's words ring in my head as I head down the stairs. It's true – after over a year of dating Sasuke, possibly the only time I cared about my clothing, besides when we helped each other choose our outfits before hitting the Stoneheads, was our very first date. It seems like it was so long ago that I grabbed these same pants from out of Sasuke's hands, darting into the bathroom and closing the door on his flushed face. I remember a time when I could make Sasuke embarrassed like that. Now he's the biggest pervert on Earth. I chuckle to myself.

"What's so funny?"

I look up. Kiba's waiting by the exit in loose jeans and a light jacket for the cooler temperatures we've had lately. He's got large headphones slung around his neck. This is a style I haven't really seen in a while – it's similar to my own style, I guess, but seeing Sasuke's more clean-cut clothes all the time makes me appreciate more what I used to know.

"Nothing," I reply, opening the door. I gesture him through, then follow, and we set out for downtown. "What's up? Nice jacket."

"Thanks. Got it last month. It's still pretty warm for December, isn't it?"

"It's not December until next week."

He looks at me oddly. "I feel like that's the kind of thing Sasuke would say."

I shrug. "I guess I got used to his technicalities. But you're right, it is warmer than usual. Think it'll snow much this year?"

"Who knows? We didn't get snow until February last year."

"Yeah, on Valentine's Day. Everyone was saying how romantic it was." I decide not to mention that in saying "everyone" I'm thinking of Sasuke – rather, he spun off some poetic prose and _I_ thought it was romantic. "You going on the school trip this spring?"

"Yeah, I've been saving up since last year. You?"

"Yep. I've never been out of the country before!" I grin. "I'm excited. You went to America once, right?"

"I was seven, so I don't remember much, but I guess it counts."

We head to the arcade first, jamming out to DDR and racing each other and fighting in some first-person shooters. We go train hopping, and I'm the first to point out a really pretty girl waiting at one of the stations where the subway stops. That's where the checking out begins, and from then on it becomes our main goal.

"Look, over there," says Kiba, nodding casually sideways.

I look over. "Where?"

"Right next to the map, idiot, in the green hoodie."

"…Kiba, that's a guy."

"I know."

"He's _really_ cute. And he looks gay."

Kiba sniggers. "I know."

I look over at him. He looks embarrassed, but amused. I can't help but laugh.

"Come on, let's go talk to him!" I grab Kiba's wrist and march over.

"Wha—wait, Naruto!"

We reach the map and I cough. "Excuse me? You look a little lost, would you like some help?"

The guy nods quickly. "I'm trying to get to Mizuhana."

"Hey, we're going there too! Aren't we, Kiba?" I nudge him, because he's staring.

"Uh – yeah." Snapping out of it, he checks the map. "We've got day passes, but your ticket will be… 500 yen."

I wave the guy over to the ticket machine. He rummages around in his pockets for money, but I slip in a 500 yen coin before he even finds the right change. I press the button for the ticket and it comes out of a small slot. I hand it to him.

"There you go," I say. "Come on, we might miss the subway."

We end up waiting a couple of minutes on the platform anyway. The guy keeps rummaging through his pockets, then eventually holds out some coins for me. I look at them. "Oh, don't worry about it. Anything to help out a guy in need." I smile. Kiba raises an eyebrow at me from behind the guy's back.

"Thanks so much," he says, bowing his head. "You really don't have to pay—"

"It's just a few hundred yen," I say, waving it away as we board the subway. "What's your name? I'm Naruto, and this is Kiba. We're in our last year of high school."

"Araragi Makoto," he says. "Nice to meet you. I'm in my second year at university."

"You're not from around here, are you?"

Araragi-san shakes his head. "I live in Kyoto, but I came here because my grandma's health isn't so great. She moved back here after I started going to university; this is her hometown."

"Kyoto?" says Kiba. "What do you study?"

"I'm in psychology mainly, though I'm also doing some studies in media and communications. Do you know a girl named Takeda Sui? She came from here, she said."

Kiba's eyes have gone wide. I cover for him by nodding enthusiastically. "She's a friend of ours. You know her well?"

"Not really. I just talked to her a bit and found out she's from here."

I nod. We get off at the next stop to transfer to another line and chat idly the rest of the way. Kiba seems to take an interest in what Araragi-san has to say, hearing about what he's learning and what Kyoto is like. It's like a spark has set off between them – Araragi-san has a dog at home too, so they never run out of things to talk about. While they're engrossed in their conversation, I scribble out Kiba's cellphone number on a piece of scrap paper and, as we hurry to our next train, slip it into Araragi-san's pocket. We say goodbye to him outside of the station at Mizuhana, where he once again thanks us profusely for our help and company before leaving. I turn to Kiba to see him looking after Araragi-san with a contented smile on his face.

"Someone's in looooove," I croon, smirking.

Kiba snaps out of his stupor. "W-what? Don't be stupid, idiot."

I just laugh. "Come on, let's go see what's at the market."

By the end of the afternoon, we've checked out guys and girls alike, had three rounds of laser tag, and chased each other along the river back to school. We arrive in the grounds, exhausted, and flop down in the grass under the darkening sky.

"I missed doing this," I say, turning my head to look at Kiba.

He smiles and nods. "Hey, uh… sorry about calling you a girl, a while ago."

I shrug. "No big deal. Oh, and by the way, I do top now."

He flushes. "Really?"

"Sometimes." Kiba's looking squeamish, so I leave it at that.

"It's kinda weird, being single," he says after a bit. "I mean, I've been single all my life, but after being with Sui… It's not the same, you know? You're missing something."

I can't say I do know, having not been single since last year, but I know what he means.

"Y'know, it's funny," he says, pulling out his phone and looking at it. His wallpaper is still the picture of him and Sui. "All my life my family has been girls. I've got my sister and my mom, and then Sui. When you 'n' me stopped hanging out, I started to feel lost." He puts his phone away. "I mean, I wasn't really hanging out with anyone much these past two months; I've mostly been doing school work, but I have to go home a lot to help with the dogs. But it's different. I dunno how to explain it. Hanging with you today helped me feel more normal again."

I roll over onto my stomach, propping myself up on my elbows. "Would you consider us to be family?"

He looks at me, then smiles. "I'd like to."

"You've always been like a brother to me, Kiba." I remember something Sasuke said last year, about Kiba being my big brother, looking out for me, and me growing up and not needing him as much anymore. "I don't know who I would've been without you. I know we've been kinda distant lately, but—"

"No hard feelings." Kiba raises a fist, and I press mine against it. "Your devotion to Sasuke is really touching, in a way. A lot of people would do anything for a love like yours."

I consider his expression when he says this. "Kiba?"

"Mm?"

"D'you remember that… that kiss, last year?"

His mood sharply changes, tension spilling in between us.

"Yeah… why?"

I shrug and flop back down, laying my head on my arms. "No reason."

"Why'd you bring it up then?" he asks, sounding uncomfortable. "I thought we said we'd forget about it."

"Sorry. I just… I feel like we haven't been the same since. Do you feel that way?"

"It wasn't supposed to change anything between us—"

"But I think it did anyway." I sit up, crossing my legs. "Maybe it was you. Maybe it was me. I just… feel like you're acting different now."

"Are you sure it's not you acting different? I barely saw you all summer because you were busy screwing Sasuke, and then—"

"Kiba—"

"I just feel kinda shunted aside, alright?" he says, sitting up as well. "You're so happy living with Sasuke and spending every minute of every day with him, and it's like you've forgotten we used to be best buds. Haven't you ever heard of the phrase 'bros before hoes'? I mean, alright, it's an exaggeration, but—"

A dull flame of anger lights in the pit of my stomach at this. "Sasuke's not a 'ho,' Kiba."

"No, but I've known you longer than him, and isn't friendship more important than dating?"

"Sasuke's as much a friend as you are," I say defiantly, "and this isn't some sort of recreational fling. I care about him, and he cares about me. We're not just together to hold hands and kiss."

"Well, _we're_ not just friends for you to ask me to hang out when you've got nothing better to do," he snaps. "Sasuke's been monopolizing your time since the day you started going out, and I've honestly tried to step back. But stepping back doesn't mean dissolving into the backdrop, Naruto. I still want to spend time with you sometimes."

I frown, trying to read the expression in his eyes in the fading light. There's something afire in there, and I'm not sure either of us is entirely aware what it is.

He grits his teeth and looks away. "Look, Naruto. I've never been good at this whole talking thing. You go on about your emotions like they're the weather, but I can't just… It's a lot of effort to say some of this stuff, and I don't understand it all anyway."

I shake my head. "No one does."

Kiba stands up. "I want to hang out again soon. Within the week. Alright?"

He holds out a hand to me, and I take it and stand up. "Yeah. Of course."

We shake on it. Then, unexpectedly, he pulls me into a firm hug. It only lasts a couple of seconds, then he lets go and pats me on the shoulder. "Let's go get dinner. I'm starved."

* * *

Is it bad that I feel terribly clever about some of the chapter titles I come up with? xD I just wonder if anyone ever notices. Ah, the woes of writing between the lines…

More SasuNaru drawing opportunities! If you can guess who I named Araragi after, you get a sketch. Just his last name (Araragi, not Makoto).

R+F


	93. Curious

I've been pretty out of sorts for the past week. I've had no internet, so all I've been doing is writing… but without my awesome betas to keep me sane, I've written all sorts of crazy things no one will ever agree with! Lol. So I need to backtrack and rewrite a bunch of stuff. But it won't affect updates; I'm waaaay far ahead :)

* * *

Kiba and I talk a lot as we walk to the cafeteria, then eat. Since we don't hang out every day now, there's tons to talk about, but it's all trivial stuff – nothing nearly as trying as our previous conversation sitting in the grass. We part in the dorm building's stairwell; I get off at the second floor to go to Sasuke's room, while Kiba continues up to his room on the third floor.

"Hey, Naru-chan," says Takeshi when I enter the room. "How was your date?"

I raise an eyebrow at him and slide onto Sasuke's bed next to him. Sasuke slips his arms around my waist, holds me close, takes a deep breath, then frowns. "You smell like Kiba."

"Do I? Sorry."

"What did you do, roll around in the grass with him?" Shiroi asks, sniggering.

"There was a brief hug. Am I not entitled to hug my friends?"

"I never said that, but hugs are pretty gay."

"Mm," Sasuke agrees, pulling me closer. I chuckle and kiss him. He rolls over a little and pulls me on top of him, shifting his hips in the process. I hold my breath as a brief surge of adrenaline rushes into my bloodstream.

"Man, can't you guys even wait until you're alone before getting down 'n' dirty?" Takeshi says mockingly. "As if you guys don't already screw like bunnies to begin with."

"Not anymore," I say. "There aren't enough opportunities."

"I bet there are opportunities all over the school. Has Sasuke fulfilled his fantasy of doing you on a teacher's desk yet?"

"W-what?" I turn quickly to Sasuke, who's smirking. He nips at my pulse. "Sasuke, when'd you tell them that?"

"They pried it out of me. Sorry, Naru." He doesn't sound sorry at all, nor does it sound like he struggled very much.

"But – you haven't even told _me_ that!"

"I know." He smiles. "So, jokes aside, how _was_ your day?"

I snuggle closer. "It was great. I'd forgotten how much I missed hanging out with Kiba." I tell him all about our day, except for the part where we pointed out hot guys and girls. Instead I talk about his enthusiasm in chatting with Araragi-san. It kind of makes Kiba seem gay, but that's not much of a deal for this crowd.

"Kiba's straight, right?" says Shiroi. "He doesn't seem all that gay."

"Not so sure," says Takeshi. "My gaydar's getting mixed signals."

"Your… gaydar?" I repeat sceptically.

"Yeah! Don't you have one? It's like a sixth sense." Takeshi wiggles his fingers as though indicating a supernatural power. "Most gays and some perceptive straights can tell if someone is gay. Naruto, you have an extra sense because of Kyuubi, right? You'd definitely have a gaydar."

I frown. "Maybe it's thrown off by the fact that I've known Kiba since before I was gay."

"Trust my gaydar, man. I've never been wrong."

"So is he gay or straight?"

He shrugs. "Both, probably. Bi."

"Bi, huh?" I consider. "I slipped his phone number into Araragi-san's pocket. It'll be fun to see what happens."

—

The sky dumps a mountain's worth of snow on us the next day, to many people's simultaneous delight and despair. On one hand, we _never_ get this much snow – nearly a foot – and it's great fun to play in. On the other hand, it's freezing cold and we have to trudge through it between the dorms, the cafeteria, and the school. Eventually the paths are cleared off enough to allow easier travel. After breakfast on the first day, Takeshi and Takeshi convince me and Sasuke to join them in a snowball fight. Rather, they throw a snowball at Sasuke, who ducks, making it hit me instead and, pardon the pun, it snowballs from there. We're sore and tired and hot when I hear Sai call out my name.

"Hey, Sai," I call back, returning to the cleared path. "What's up? Check out all this snow, isn't it great? Makes you wanna just—" I stop. "Sai, what happened to you?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing," he says, smiling, but not even the most convincing of his fake smiles could hide the redness of his eyes.

I reach out to put a hand on his shoulder and see him move as though to intercept me, but he doesn't. I look closer at him.

"Sai, you've been crying. What's wrong?"

He looks away. "It's nothing."

"Is it Blue? I told you, he's not worth anything—"

"Oh, that's a funny one, Naruto-kun," says Sai, but his gaze darts away in a telling manner and he isn't even putting on a false grin now.

"Don't play dumb, Sai. Tell me." I grip his other shoulder too, and force him to face me. "What did he do to you?"

He sighs, then puts a hand on my wrist. He takes my hand off his shoulder and I expect him to push me away, but instead he tugs on my arm, leading me somewhere. I glance over at Sasuke and the name twins. Sasuke, despite looking a little suspicious, nods.

Sai lets go of my arm once he understands I'll follow him, and leads me out of the school grounds, along the river, still flowing despite the sub-zero temperatures. We walk for nearly ten minutes before he stops, clears a bench of snow, and sits. I take a seat next to him.

"I was stupid," he says, almost at once. "I let my emotions get the better of me."

"Did you fall for him?"

"No, I don't think so."

"What did he do to you?"

He shakes his head. "He hasn't done anything. We're still doing what we've always been doing, but I've stopped, well, sleeping around, as you put it. He hasn't."

"And that bothers you? You want him to be exclusive?"

"Maybe to the first, no to the second." He puts his feet up on the bench and hugs his legs, setting his chin on his knees, looking uncharacteristically meek, though his voice remains collected and neutral as it always is. "I'm not sure what it is that's bothering me."

"Do you know when it started?"

He nods. "We were at the Stoneheads last night, and Katsumi found a guy and suggested a threesome – it's not the first time, don't look at me like that – but I didn't much feel like it just then, so I declined. He seemed disappointed."

"And then what happened?"

Sai shrugs. "He went home with the guy, I came back to school. Katsumi still hasn't come back yet. I woke up this morning and tears were pouring down my face." He retreats deeper into himself, an odd look in his eyes. "I didn't feel a thing."

"That's… But… Sai, if you were crying—"

"I should have felt sorrow, I know. I didn't. There was nothing, just the tears. I'm more upset about that than I am about anything else."

"But you do know what it is to feel sorrow, right? You've learned so much over the past two years. It's not like you're emotionally void."

"No, I know what sorrow is. Sorrow is distress caused by loss, affliction, or disappointment."

"That's not knowing what sorrow is," I start. "That's just a defin—"

"Sorrow is how I feel when I think about the fact that you're with Sasuke."

I don't know what to say to that.

"Sorrow is when your heart constricts. Your throat gets tight, and you feel shaky inside. Sorrow makes you feel heavy. I know what sorrow is, but when my eyes stung this morning I didn't feel any of the other symptoms." He says it like it's a sickness. And maybe it is. Being sad is an affliction, and happiness cures it. "I'm not sure what's bothering me," he repeats. "But I get the feeling Katsumi isn't helping."

"Maybe your expectations have changed," I suggest. "You agreed with him that you weren't going to be exclusive, but maybe somewhere inside you felt jealousy."

"No, I know what jealousy is too. I'm not jealous of him nor of anyone he sees." He glances over at me. "I'm jealous of you, Naruto-kun. I'm jealous of Sasuke-san. I want what you two have."

The light clicks on. "You want love," I say simply.

Sai regards me for a moment, then turns back to stare at his knees. "That seems to be it."

I lean back, looking out at the river. "People have a lot of different needs. Blue's fulfilled your physical need, but not the emotional. It's nothing on him, I guess; you've been able to tolerate his lifestyle pretty well and it doesn't sound like you resent him, and frankly I have to applaud you for that. But you're looking for something more now."

"You're pretty good at playing matchmaker, aren't you, Naruto-kun?" he asks. "You got Sui and Kiba together. Would you be able to find anyone for me?"

I frown. "I don't know. I don't know that many gay guys, especially not in our school. What about all the guys you said you'd met over the summer? If none of them are looking for an actual relationship, ask around. It's a kind of networking."

"I suppose so." He sighs and stands. "I wish I could have you, Naruto-kun, to be frank. But then I've always been frank."

I nod, also standing. "You have."

"You've always meant a lot to me. It's a shame you're taken."

"Sorry," I say with a bit of a smile. "Maybe if you'd told me sooner."

"The early bird gets the worm. Sasuke-kun is lucky, and has more initiative than I do." He pats my shoulder almost robotically, like it's a procedure he learned in a textbook – and it probably is.

We walk back leisurely, side by side, companionably. I find the pack of lollipops Jiraiya gave me, still in my coat pocket, and offer one to Sai, but he turns it down with a smile and a double-entendre about how he's not in the mood for lollipops lately. We laugh about this, feeling better.

At lunch on Friday I'm eating peacefully with Sasuke when Kiba stomps up to us, phone in hand with the mouthpiece covered, looking angry.

"Naruto, did you give Araragi-san my number?" he hisses.

Sasuke snickers. I say, "Yeah, why?"

Kiba thrusts the phone at me. I stare, uncomprehending, until he says, "He wants to talk to you."

Surprised, I take it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Naruto-kun? It seems Kiba-kun somehow slipped his phone number into my pocket while I wasn't looking. I thought it would be nice to chat again, so I called him up."

"Oh, no, that was me," I say, trying not to laugh. "You guys seemed to get along so well, but Kiba's a shy one." I look up at Kiba, who's glaring at me, cheeks dusted red.

Araragi-san laughs lightly at this. He's got a sweet voice, a charming laugh. "Well, I was wondering if, uh, you'd like to come to dinner with me tonight. We didn't get to talk very much, so I thought it would be nice to spend a little more time together."

"What, the three of us? Sure, I'll ask Kiba—"

He coughs. "Um, no. Just you and me. If that's alright with you."

"Oh." I glance at Kiba, who's sat down to wait and is looking ticked off, then at Sasuke, who's eating his rice and watching me placidly. I lower my voice. "Uh, sorry. I'm… hooked, if you know what I mean."

Sasuke perks up at this, but Kiba still looks irritated and seems to be making an effort not to hear my conversation. Araragi-san says, "Oh. Sorry, I wasn't aware. Are you, uh, gay, though?"

"Yep."

He breathes a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. I was afraid I might have offended you. What about Kiba-kun?"

I keep my eyes fixed on my ramen this time in case looking at anyone might give off signals. "Maybe," I say cryptically. "You'd have to be cautious."

"I understand," he says. "Can you ask him?"

"Sure." I lower the phone and cover the mouthpiece. "Kiba, you wanna hang out with Araragi-san tonight? I'm busy, but you should go."

Kiba looks interested. "Alright."

I go back to the phone. "Yeah, he'll be there. Here, I'll put him on the line."

I pass the phone to Kiba, who stands up and leaves, chatting with Araragi-san. He already has a look of adoration on his face. I pick up my chopsticks, satisfied with myself.

"Always the matchmaker," says Sasuke, amused. "Did this Araragi-san just ask you out?"

"Yeah. I was surprised," I add. "He talked a lot more with Kiba on Saturday."

"Hmm." Sasuke contemplates his rice with a dark look in his eyes, but it fades as he asks, "is Kiba romantically interested in Araragi-san?"

"I don't know. I figured I wouldn't tell him he's being taken out to dinner." I grin. "I hope this works out. Araragi-san seems like a nice guy."

"You made up being busy, didn't you? You don't have anything scheduled that I don't know about?"

"Of course not. I'm free, you know that."

"Not anymore." He smirks. "We're going home tonight."

—

We "screw like bunnies," as Takeshi put it, during our weekend at Sasuke's house, then return to school sore but oh so satisfied. The whispers around us multiply like rabbits too, giggles erupting through the halls behind us as girls speculate on the reason for our mutual contentedness.

"You seem particularly happy today," says Blue in drama class, hunkering down next to me (unfortunately Ken seems to be away today). I ignore him, but he goes on. "Did you have a… _pleasant_ weekend? With Sasuke, I assume."

"Yes, in fact, I did," I reply, choosing to remain polite yet distant.

"Aw, no need to be so formal," he says. He knows I usually try to be as rude as possible to him. I can't say I understand why he wants me to inflict that on him now, but even after I punched him he doesn't seem to feel any animosity. I can't understand him at all. "We're buds, right?"

"In your dreams." (I try not to think about the hell I'd have to go through in his dreams.)

"That's more like it," he says, and slips his arm around my waist. I flare, scrambling away from him.

"Don't touch me," I snap.

He shrugs and lies on his side, propping his head up with a hand. If he's trying to strike a pose, it sure isn't working. His hateful personality overrides any merit his looks might bring him, and the monochrome thing creeps me out. And those eyes – those invasive, hard-ice eyes…

"Hey, guess what?" he says.

"I'd rather not," I reply tersely.

"We've got a new skit today." He tosses me a package. "Guess who's in your group? And guess who's in the two male lead roles?"

—

"Kill me now."

Takeshi mimics plunging a sword through my heart. I mimic dying in Sasuke's arms on his bed. He mimics breathing life back into me.

"Seriously? Acting in a bromance with Blue? Could it get any w—mmph!"

"Don't say that," says Shiroi, then cautiously lifts his hand off my mouth. "Lady Luck has sharp ears."

"I swear," Sasuke growls, "if he lays a finger on you I'll—"

"Yes, yes, I know," I say, grabbing his wrists and kissing him. "Don't worry about me, teme."

A knock resounds through the door. We're surprised – besides me and Takeshi, no one ever comes to visit. Shiroi goes to open the door. It's Kiba.

"Figured you'd be here," he says. "Naruto, you didn't answer any of my texts on Friday night."

"Huh? Oh – I haven't turned on my cellphone since before then. What'd you text about?"

He looks around shiftily. "Uh, can we talk somewhere else?"

I nod and kiss Sasuke quickly before going with Kiba. We retreat to his room; his roommate isn't in.

"What's up?" I ask.

"First of all, you didn't tell me Araragi-san meant a date," he says, sounding a little ticked. But his anger seems to be mostly for the principle of the matter, so I assume the date went well.

"Sorry," I say, not really meaning it. I'm smiling despite myself. "Did you have fun?"

He flushes, then turns away stubbornly. "Maybe."

I put on a mock stern-adult voice. "Kiba, is there something you wish to tell me?"

Kiba rolls his eyes and joins in. "Yes, father, I'm gay."

I blink, not having expected him to say it so soon or so easily. He glances at me, and in that moment I realize he was joking.

"Are you?" I ask finally.

He bites his lip. "I… maybe. Araragi-san's really nice."

"How did the date go?"

"Well, we met at Mizuhana, but I didn't know where we were going until we got there. It was this nice restaurant, and I – I realized it was a date. I kinda got a little freaked out. I mean, I know you said he looked gay, but I didn't really take it seriously."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I tried to play it cool for a while. I like talking with him, and he wasn't making any moves or anything, so I figured we could just chat as friends or whatever. But then he mentioned you, and how you said you weren't single, and…" His voice lowers. "For some reason, it bothered me. Like I was second choice or something."

"Kiba, don't say that—"

"It's true. But it's no big deal, because you're already with Sasuke and Araragi-san was still interested. He – before I knew what was going on, we were walking in a park holding hands, and I just—" He scratches his head. "I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. It's all a muddle. Naruto, what's the difference between friendship and romance?"

"I – I don't know."

"Not at all? I mean, what's the difference in what you feel for Sasuke and what you feel for me?"

I consider this. "I don't really know," I say again. "I guess, between you and me, it's a platonic love. I enjoy being with you and hanging out with you, and through that we've learned to care for each other. With Sasuke, it started with the caring. He cared for me, and I learned to care for him in return. We weren't really friends until we were together for a long time. I don't want to say romance is purely physical, but I don't have another explanation."

"Well, what about the whole heart-thumping, nerves-tingling, breath-short feeling? When you're with the person you like, and they smile at you or something, and your whole heart just implodes. No offense, but I don't feel that around you."

"Yeah. That's something." I'm satisfied at coming to another level with the answer to this question, but Kiba seems disquieted. "What's up?"

"I… felt that, with Araragi-san."

I'm all ears. "Really?"

"I think – I think I might have fallen in love with him. He's so… nice. He's interesting, and he listens to what I have to say, and he's really thoughtful. He – he reminds me of Sui."

Warning lights flash in my brain, but I throw blankets over them. "Is he around for a while? You should spend more time with him, to make sure you—"

"No," he says. "I'm sure of what I feel. I just… I dunno if I'm ready to feel it. For another guy, I mean."

"I can understand that."

"He is around for a while, though," Kiba says. "His grandma's health is worsening. I feel bad about it, but on the other hand…"

"On the other hand, you get to hang with him more." I nod.

"I have his number in the meantime. He called me just now, before I came to find you – that's why I remembered. We talked for about an hour. I think his voice has hypnotized me." He lies back on his bed as if he is indeed in a trance.

I laugh. "You're lucky. Araragi-san seems like a really great guy."

He nods, suddenly doubtful. "I just… never thought I was gay. I've tried to understand it, for your sake, but it just makes me uneasy."

"Maybe you're bi," I suggest. "You're still into girls, right?"

"Yeah."

"There you go then. Stick around with Araragi-san for a while. He'll be able to help you out with any doubts you have. And I'll be here for you too."

* * *

In case you were wondering, this arc isn't quite over… so stay tuned.

Thanks for reading.

R+F


	94. Fleeting Hearts

So no one here would notice because I managed to update at my friend's house last Saturday, but my internet is dead as a doornail. Now that I'm making the move to England for university (I'm at my dad's in France right now), I have access to the internet again! Thank god, because for the first internet-less week I wrote 15000 words of Two Face and half of it was absolute insanity. I realized in that time how much I need my betas xD So a quick shout out to them, TheWitchBaby and Amblurance, for keeping me grounded when I would so obviously go totally off the rails and over the cliff without them.

* * *

December slips away easily. Having the lead male role in drama with Blue turns out to be fairly easy, as we have to pretend we hate each other for the majority of the play. Eventually the two characters reconcile, which I use all my prowess to act out convincingly, although by the end of the unit it's all I can do to stop myself from throttling him whenever he touches me. For an end-of-the-year party, we all go out for sushi after the last day of classes before the break. Gaara brings Yumi (without telling his parents), Kiba brings Araragi-san, and Sai brings no one. I feel a little bad for him – he's the only one who's single now.

I've talked to Kiba a couple more times about Araragi-san now, and he says he's starting to feel a lot more comfortable about the whole gay thing.

"I think it's stopped mattering to me," he explains one day as we walk by the river. "And I think I'm starting to see why you enjoy being… well, submissive. It's nice to be cared for. Although I wouldn't want to do it all the time, it makes me feel like I'm losing my manhood."

"Hey, watch it," I say, though not actually offended. "Have you done anything yet, besides hold hands?"

"N-no." Kiba looks away. I don't press him further.

Despite Kiba's hesitation during that conversation, he and Araragi-san certainly look happy when they walk into the sushi restaurant, holding hands and talking in low voices. Araragi-san laughs at something Kiba says, then sees us. I don't fail to notice that his gaze lingers on Sai before he smiles at me.

"Naruto-kun, long time no see. This your boyfriend?"

I nod as Sasuke wraps his arms around me. I gently push him off, taking his hand instead. "This is Sasuke, my little clingy burr." I laugh. "Sasuke, Araragi-san. How are you doing? How's your grandmother?"

"A little better. After the break I'll have to go back to Kyoto; I've already missed a lot of classes, but I'll come back often to check up on her. And to visit Kiba-kun," he adds, slipping his arm around Kiba's waist. Kiba's face goes red.

"Well, come sit down," I say, and they take seats at our huge table. Takeshi and Takeshi are the last to arrive, and before long we're all chatting enthusiastically.

"Hey, Shiroi, wanna get your feet off my chair?" says a voice.

We all look up. It's Shikamaru.

"Hey," I say casually, grinning.

"Shikamaru!" says Kiba. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Naruto invited me. I just got here. Packed and jumped on the train after my classes this morning."

"He had four hours more than me and yet he nearly made us late," someone adds behind him.

Kiba's jaw drops. Sui beams.

"Takeda-san," says Araragi-san, surprised. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Same to you," she says. "You met this bunch? Small world, isn't it?"

"It really is," Kiba mutters, eyes wide. Then, all at once, he tumbles out of his chair and pulls her into a tight hug.

Sui laughs and hugs him back. Her voice is soft as she says, "Missed you."

He just nods.

I glance over at Araragi-san, who's watching them oddly. Then his gaze flicks to Sai again briefly.

"Naruto?" Sasuke murmurs into my ear. His arm finds its way around my waist again. "Don't worry about them. Just enjoy it."

The dinner is fun and I do try to follow Sasuke's advice, but I can't help the nagging feeling at the back of my head all night, which amplifies whenever I look at Kiba. He's sitting between Araragi-san and Sui, generally happy, but every now and then he seems to become confused. He remains engaged in conversation with Sui most of the time. Araragi-san doesn't notice, or doesn't mind. He's sitting across from Sai, who's talking more than I think I've ever heard him talk at once. Araragi-san, in return, is listening intently. They're in deep conversation about some sort of emotional psychology, which ultimately draws Shiroi in too.

"I was raised in a… strange place," Sai is saying. I listen in, in case he reveals anything he hasn't told the rest of us yet. But it doesn't seem like he will – he just explains that where he grew up, children were forced to suppress emotions, learning that they were a weakness. They were being trained to do something – Sai never says exactly what that is – but he goes on to say that he was sent to Konoha High for some reason or other.

"Once I met Naruto, however," he says, "I found out that there are strengths to emotions. Naruto cared about everyone he knew. And he cared about me." He glances at me and, seeing that I'm listening, smiles. "These… bonds. Friendship, and teamwork. They're something I never could have guessed existed."

Shiroi is fascinated. "You really went through your entire childhood not knowing about human bonds? What kind of a person or organization would promote that?"

"Was it hard for you when you came to Konoha High?" asks Araragi-san.

Sai nods. "I learned from books at first, but it seems a lot of the things the books tell me are things other people know subconsciously. Naruto told me many times I needed a filter between my thoughts and my words, and I got beat up a lot by Sakura-san."

I laugh, remembering this. In Sai's first few days, I was tasked with helping him learn the ropes of school and life, and we spent a lot of time together with Sakura-chan. It was damn painful.

"Sai," I say, "I understand that you didn't know about etiquette or whatever, but surely you knew better than to call someone _dickless_?"

Sasuke snorts. I elbow him hard. He grabs my wrist and holds my hand, but I pull away impatiently.

Sai just smiles. "It's something I used to tease my brother about."

"You have a brother?" says Takeshi.

"Well, no. In the place where I was raised, there was another boy I spent a lot of time with. I called him my brother. But he died, when we were six. After that I rejected all notions of friendship or bonds."

"And now you're looking for a boyfriend. Funny how things change," I smile.

"You are?" says Araragi-san. He quickly glances over to Kiba, who's laughing at something Sui said. He says nothing about this; his face is unreadable. Instead he asks, "How did that come about, then?"

Sai unflinchingly recounts his story, right from where he left off – from meeting me onwards to somehow falling in love with me, then my coming together with Sasuke (Araragi-san congratulates us for being together this long) and his own feelings about this, then his explorations this past summer at the Stoneheads, then his relationship (insofar as you could call it that) with Blue, up to his talk with me not too long ago. He explains the reasoning we figured out – that Blue satisfied his physical needs, but not his emotional.

"It's strange for someone like me to realize they need emotional support," he admits. "But I suppose I started to understand it when I realized that Naruto was special to me, and that such a feeling would always be unrequited."

"Hey, it's not like I don't like you," I say. "But… I guess there is a difference between friendship and romance, in the end."

Kiba hears me and looks over. I exchange glances with him. Gears are turning in his head, and I can see it in his eyes.

"Salmon, Naru?"

I look over at Sasuke, who's holding a piece of fish up with his chopsticks. I relent and allow him to put it in my mouth.

—

After dinner, no one really wants to part just yet, but no one can think of anywhere we can go to just hang out and talk more. We stand around outside in the cold for a bit, discussing, until someone mentions the private rooms in the Stoneheads. We all agree to head back to our homes to change into something more festive, then meet in an hour at the club. Sui hugs Kiba briefly before heading off with Shikamaru to the hotel where they're staying, and then Araragi-san approaches Kiba and pecks him quickly on the lips. He's smiling as he leaves, but Kiba's frozen as though from the cold.

"Kiba," I call, "hurry up, we don't have much time."

As we return to the school, I notice Kiba trailing behind, lost in thought. I fall back to chat with him.

"It was a surprise seeing Sui, huh?" I say, stuffing my hands in my pockets to warm them up. "I didn't even expect her. I guess I should have thought about that, though, since she and Shikamaru both went to Kyoto."

"Me neither," he agrees, still thinking hard.

"What's up?"

He heaves a deep sigh, exhaling a thick cloud of condensation in the cold night, and pulls out his cellphone to show me the screen. His picture is still the same one as I saw last time, with him and Sui posing.

"I'm still not over her," he says in a small voice. "And now I don't know what to do."

I think about this for a long time. Finally I ask, "Who do you like better?"

"You can't expect me to pick favourites," Kiba says, almost angrily. "I can't just—" He stops suddenly.

"What is it?"

"…Sui," he mutters. "I like Sui more. No doubt about it. But I'm technically with Araragi-san now."

"Don't do something that makes you unhappy."

"I'm not," he says, "unhappy, per se. I really do like being with Araragi-san. But just now – he – he kissed me, and I—"

"Naruto." Sasuke's fallen back a little to walk beside me; he slips his hand into my pocket to take mine, but I pull away. I shake my head, and he frowns.

"Not now," I say.

"But—"

"I'm a little busy," I say pointedly.

He frowns. "You've been a little busy all night. Can't we just—"

"This is kind of important."

"It's alright," says Kiba, sounding nothing short of depressed. "Go on."

"But Kiba—" I start, but Sasuke's already dragging me off to the front of the group. I twist out of his grasp.

"Naruto—"

"What do you think you're doing?" I snap. "Kiba needs someone to talk to. You try to tell me that's not more important than walking next to you."

"Then I'll walk next to you while you talk with him."

"It's personal; it's up to him whether he wants others to listen in. Can't you understand I've got other friends? Friendship isn't just hanging out. We look out for each other too. Right? Like you look out for me, and I look out for you."

Sasuke's brow is still furrowed. "Naruto, what's gotten into you? You've been pushing me away all night."

"You're being clingy," I retort. "Give me a little space here."

Sasuke's eyes flash pain, and he closes his mouth, biting back whatever words he was about to say. He turns away, and doesn't say anything to me for the rest of the walk, even though I walk next to him and link our arms together. He doesn't even kiss me at the stairwell like he usually does. I watch him go, feeling regret stirring.

"Naruto-kun?" says Sai. "What's wrong?"

"N…nothing." I brush past him to my room.

I lie on my bed with my mind churning for nearly fifteen minutes, until Aoi comes in and I remember that I'm supposed to be getting ready. It's with a distinct feeling of lethargy that I finally haul myself up.

"You seem down," says Aoi as I shuffle through my wardrobe. "Everything alright?"

I pause with a shirt in my hands. "I don't even know," I murmur. "I… I think I just had my first fight with Sasuke."

"Your first? That's surprising."

"Well, no," I say quickly. "It's not like we've never argued before. But it's the first time it's been like this. I was just… I was talking with Kiba, because he's confused about some stuff, so I was helping him out. But then Sasuke decided to barge in on us and tried to – to monopolize me or something, and I got ticked off and asked him to give me some space and…"

I sigh, toss the shirt onto my drawer, and flop back onto my bed. I don't feel like going to the Stoneheads anymore.

"Sasuke does seem rather… possessive," says Aoi. "I don't want to imply anything negative, but—"

"No, you're right. Sasuke's possessive and clingy and needs to learn how to let go sometimes. But what can I do? We're already aware of it. We've been trying to fight it for months, but at the same time it's like we just keep getting closer and closer. I almost don't want him to be less possessive of me. I…"

"It sounds like you said some things in the heat of the moment, in your argument," he suggests. "Do you really feel that way about Sasuke?"

"I don't want to!" I growl into my pillow. "I don't want to not want him, but it'll be impossible for us next year otherwise. I don't want to leave him, but at the same time I feel like ultimately this will be good for us. I just… feel awful about shouting at him."

Someone knocks on the door. I lift my head to see Sasuke walk in. He's wearing skinny jeans and a tight shirt under his jacket, and it's making me want to love him all over again.

"Naruto? We're going to be late. Why haven't you changed?" he asks.

"I… don't want to go," I mutter, turning my head to stare at the wall. I can't see him, but I can still tell he's frowning.

"What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "You go without me."

"There's no point in me going if you don't go. You know that."

"Then don't."

"Tell me what's wrong."

I curl up, retreating further into myself. I hear his footsteps as he approaches.

"This isn't about earlier, is it?" he asks.

I can't truthfully say no.

"Naruto, please," he says, and the plea in his voice is so strong that my heart nearly breaks. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to ignore it.

He sighs. I hear him shift, sitting down next to my bed, then feel the mattress move as he rests his arms on it and his head on his arms. "I'm not moving until you tell me what's wrong."

I hear the door open and close as Aoi leaves. A few minutes later, my phone buzzes. It's probably one of the guys asking what's taking so long. I check the text to find that Aoi's met them downstairs. Kiba's text reads: _Aoi says you're not feeling well. You ok? Still coming?_

I reply, _I'm fine. Go without me._

_What about Sasuke?_

_Dunno. Don't expect him either._

_If you're sure… Talk to me tomorrow, k?_

_Yep. Have fun._

I wait a few minutes to make sure I don't get any more messages, then turn off my phone.

"Are you going to tell me why you're being like this?" Sasuke asks, after a long silence.

I sigh and roll over. His face is very close to mine. I reach out, and he takes my hand.

"I don't want to fight you," I murmur.

"Then don't." He laces our fingers together and kisses my nose. "We don't have to fight."

"It just – when I realized what I'd said, it – it hurt…"

Sasuke sits up. I give him space to climb into the bed next to me. He wraps his arms around me. "Don't worry, Naru. It was nothing."

"It wasn't." I bury my face in his chest. "I can't take back what I said."

Sasuke tenses, but continues to stroke my hair. It's a long time before he finally says, "I… I know I'm clingy. I'm possessive of you, and I know that."

"Then do something about it," I say quietly.

"Naruto, that hurts."

I sigh and pull back to look into his eyes. "I thought we were at the point where we couldn't hurt each other with words anymore. Not words as weak as that."

Sasuke pulls away from me, swings his feet off the bed, and sits on the edge of the mattress. I also sit up, cross-legged, watching his back.

"I still have feelings, you know?" Sasuke says. "We can tell each other anything, but that doesn't mean some things don't hurt."

"You know I don't mean to hurt you." I reach over to put a hand on his back, and he nearly blocks me. But in the end he remains still, so I move closer. "I just… You said yourself that we need to find distance."

"We've been telling each other that for months and we haven't found it."

"_You_ haven't," I say, so quietly the words are almost lost in my throat. "I was helping Kiba when you interrupted us. I'm sorry, Sasuke, but I've got other friends, and helping friends is important. You know I'll always be there for you first and foremost."

"But tonight, at dinner… You spent the entire time listening to other people. I couldn't get a word in edgewise."

"Our relationship isn't being threatened by other people," I retort. "Did you see the way Araragi-san was watching Sai? And with Sui coming to visit as well, Kiba's been thrown completely off track. I don't know what to do with them."

"You don't have to do anything. It's not your problem."

"I'm the one who brought Sui and Araragi-san into this—"

"Kiba's a big boy, Naruto. He can take care of himself."

"Well so can you," I snap. I pull my hand back. Why am I arguing with Sasuke? It feels awful, like I'm trying to separate a part of my body from myself, and yet I know I need to stand up for myself and for Kiba. "Look, Sasuke. Kiba doesn't even know if he's straight or gay. Maybe you've never had that problem, but I can relate, even a little bit. I just want to help him out. Friend or stranger, I'd help anyone who needed it."

Sasuke heaves a deep sigh. He shifts over to me and slowly, gently wraps his arms around me.

"I know," he murmurs. "That's what makes you who you are."

"It's just that so much has happened between the two of us in this past year that I haven't ever given a thought to how others are doing. I feel selfish. Now that Kiba needs someone to lean on, I'll go to his side. He's my best friend, after all."

"I know," he says again.

"Look." I pull away to meet his eyes. "It's the winter break, right? Let's go to your place for the holiday. I'll spend the whole time with you."

He smiles. "Alright. Are you still up for the Stoneheads tonight?"

* * *

Half the fun of Two Face is seeing reader reactions, I swear. Kiba's story isn't quite over, so calm down guys xD

**IMPORTANT NOTICE:** A few people now have warned me about something called the RedBotton (or something like that) project, which is a bot (an automated and technically illegal program) going through FF and reporting stories with A) bad grammar and spelling and/or B) explicit words. Now, because I'm super OCD about spelling and grammar and smut isn't technically allowed on FF, I can't really complain… And I don't know much about this, but it might be worth sending a message to the admins or whomever. I dunno, it just seems kinda complicated, using illegal methods to clear out illegal stories. (Maybe illegal is the wrong word?)

In any case, I just wanted to mention it in case Two Face happens to go poof one day. I sure hope that doesn't happen, because that would mean losing everyone's reviews and I'd have to reupload it somewhere else and stuff. People have warned me to keep backups of my writing, which leads me to understand that some writers use the FF document program to do their writing, or something like that… which I find kind of risky in the first place. Nope, I have all my stuff on MS Word documents, and I see FF as little more than a backup to my own files – not even that. Just a place where I can show you guys what I'm writing.

So, if you come over here one day and find that Two Face and/or my PWPs have vanished, I'd be glad if you could let me know as I'm not sure whether I get notices on that. Probably do, but if you leave me a PM or review I'll definitely get an email, which I check often. In the event that I get shut down, I'll probably move to LiveJournal (despite its being rather complicated, I know that it is home to some of the very best fanfictions). I'll post details on my page or whatever, I suppose.

This is all, of course, a worst-case-scenario plan. Hopefully nothing happens at all. I tend to be good at avoiding major crazy things, like H1N1… Then again that might be because of my ballin' immune system. I wonder if that can extend to bots…

R+F

P.S. I kind of don't like the fact that FF disallows explicit content. I mean, PWPs I understand (despite writing them myself) because it's kind of like porn, but sometimes it's an important part of the plot.


	95. Can't Touch This

Na nanana, nana, nana *can't touch this*

Rocking out aside… This is mostly a PWP chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

Naruto allows me to dress him. It is, perhaps, not quite as thrilling as _un_dressing him, but I still manage to get a feel or two in, to appreciative laughter from Naruto, as I put him in a black muscle shirt with an orange tattoo-like swirl on the stomach and cargo pants with multiple chains dragging them down. I toss a hoodie over his shoulders and take his hand, and we head to the club.

Naruto texts Kiba, who tells us what room they're in, and we head upstairs. Everyone looks happy to see us – to see Naruto. Apart from Takeshi and Takeshi, I don't really have many connections to Naruto's group. The name twins make sure to make a big deal out of me, though.

As we all find seats – Naruto and I commandeer the corner of the big sofa – I study the alliances in the room. Sai, Gaara, Shikamaru, and Kiba are all chatting happily together, and they quickly draw Naruto in as well; Yumi becomes a bit of a side character, and when she glances at me and smiles quietly I realize we're not so different. Takeshi and Takeshi are kind of everywhere all at once, finding their way into conversations with witty comments and general tomfoolery. Sui and Araragi-san are talking about something school related. As I listen to them, I notice something peculiar – it's hard to tell, exactly; they're both very nice people and share common ground, but every once in a while a subtle insult slides past, buried deep enough to appear innocent but close enough to the surface to be acknowledged. It's almost impressive – they're investing effort into the actual topic of the conversation and at the same time firing off slurs at each other, all while pretending nothing at all is going on. Sui never struck me as the kind of person to insult someone – or at least I'd expect her to warn them if she feels the need to criticize. To see her making ruthless jabs at the similarly kind Araragi-san is, to say the least, a little strange.

"This is boring," says Kiba, standing up. "Let's dance! Naruto?"

"Yeah," Naruto replies, following Kiba. I know they're going to do a couple of routines, and I'm not so much into that style of dancing, so I sit around for now. To my irritation, Naruto doesn't even really seem to notice that I'm not following him, but then he always accused me of being the more clingy one, right? So maybe I'd better stay for a while. He'll realize it soon enough. And anyway, Araragi-san and Sui are staying behind too – apparently too involved in their feud to notice the object of their affections is escaping with my boyfriend – and I'm starting to wonder if I should invest myself in this whole situation at all. Kiba's no friend of mine; I try to get along, but it just seems he has it in for me. I don't know what to call that besides jealousy, but the question is, does he want Naruto the same way I do? And is Araragi-san the fill-in? Certainly Araragi-san is strikingly similar to Sui, and for that I can see why Kiba chose to date him. But is he seriously gay, or is he confused because Naruto's a guy and Sui's a girl and he wants them both?

"Oh, Sasuke-kun." Sui and Araragi-san have finally pulled out of their own world and returned to the one around them. Sui is asking me now, "Where's Naruto-kun?"

"He went down to dance with Kiba," I reply, well aware of my vague wording and the suggestion it carries. Sui, who's at least vaguely informed about Kiba's possible attraction to Naruto but knows Naruto's loyalties and feelings, nods understandingly, but Araragi-san, who's less in tune with the dynamics of the idiot duo, bristles at the idea. He excuses himself with a final polite snark at Sui (who fires one right back), then heads down to the dance floor. I take his spot beside Sui. She smiles at me.

"What do you think of Araragi-san?" I ask.

"He's very nice," she says, sincerely, and yet it's almost as if she's implying an insult.

"You're aware of his affections for Kiba?"

At this her smile disappears, her expression becoming serious. "I gathered as much."

After a moment, I say slowly, "How much do you know?"

Sui looks at me sharply. "What is there to know?"

"Nothing then, I see. It's not really my place to talk about it—"

"But you know, don't you? Does Kiba like him?"

"They're dating."

"What? But Kiba's—" She stops, unable to say it because she doesn't know if it's true.

I shake my head. "As far as I can tell, he's bi. Certainly Naruto's mentioned that Kiba really does like Araragi-san."

Sui looks ready to leap out of her chair, but she pauses and then settles back down again, looking conflicted. She sighs. "I shouldn't say anything. We're not dating anymore."

"Like I said, it's not really my place, but I'll tell you anyway." I lean in a little closer. Gossip hasn't ever really been my thing, but I may as well push the pieces around the game board a little since it isn't too much trouble for myself. "Thing is, it looks like Araragi-san has an eye on Sai, who, as far as I gather from Naruto, is in need of someone who can support him emotionally. I think Araragi-san is a lot like you, which is one of the reasons Kiba likes him. In any case, it's easy to see Kiba's not over you."

She considers this for a while. As I watch the emotions on her face, someone taps me on the shoulder. I look up to see Takeshi holding his phone up.

"Naruto just texted me," he says. "He wants your ass, stat."

I smile a little – the message on Takeshi's screen says those words exactly. "Of course he does."

"Shir and I are coming down with you. Wouldn't want to miss watching that babe moving his hips," he grins.

"Eyes only," I warn him, almost out of routine now. I turn to Sui. "Are you coming?"

She nods. "I think so. Thanks for telling me about this, by the way."

"Knowledge is power. I can't say I'm not guilty of manipulation, and in this case you may not even hurt anyone if things turn out alright."

It takes us a little while to locate Naruto. When he spots us, he makes a beeline for me, putting his arms over my shoulders and sliding into a kiss. Even before I taste the alcohol in his mouth I can tell he's drunk. His open display of homosexuality causes a slight disruption in the crowd behind him; I hear a couple of people complain about how he was so good at dancing, but look, he's gay. Typically I could care less, but it's a little disappointing to know people are that narrow-minded. As he pulls away to murmur dirty things in my ear about how much he's been craving my body, I look over his shoulder and spot Kiba and Araragi-san dancing together. Araragi-san is definitely trying to seduce Kiba into dancing, but Kiba, despite loosening up with some drinks, still seems reluctant to get even this physical. I glance at Sui, whose return glance indicates she's noticed it too. She goes over to them; I see her "accidentally" bump into Araragi-san. Considering my work here done, I pull my attention back to what's right in front of me, grinding with me, and realize I've been dancing without thinking, responding to Naruto's every touch and move.

"Sasuke," he says, his voice low and insistent. "You're ignoring me."

"That's ironic. Weren't the roles reversed just a couple of hours ago?"

"Brain's not geared to think that far back right now," he slurs.

"I'm serious, I sense a shift here. Although I have to admit I like you pervy."

"You would. Now stop being so fucking factual." He licks my ear, sending goosebumps down my arms. He begins to sing along to the song – sung by a girl, but his voice is low and breathy – as he dances to the beat: "_I'll try to do my best, but… do you like it like this?_"

As he sings, he spins me around, ducks his head, and breathes at the back of my neck the way he knows sends shivers down my spine. I smirk, pushing my hips back against his, and reply, "_Take a good look at me… you wanna—_" I tilt my head back and whisper"_—ask me out?_"

His hands roam my chest. I reach back to pull him into a kiss, which he cooperates with until he begins mouthing more lyrics against my lips: "_You act shy, boy, but you've been staring at my—_" he changes the word _breasts_ to _cock_, and I laugh "_—for a while now. So boring – you're too shy…_"

"_Do you love me? Show me with your actions, it's okay to be forceful._" I close my eyes and let him put one hand on my chest and another on my crotch and grind into me. He's starting to get hard now, but his hips are right up against my ass so only we can tell.

"_Not doing anything to me, how rude,_" he half-sings, half-moans, rubbing my own growing bulge as he rolls his hips against me. "_I figured – you wanna be led instead, don't you?_"

"_It's better to take it easy, isn't it?_" I breathe, pulling away just enough to have him trailing behind. "_Baby, let's escape from here and I'll spoil you._"

"Let's," he agrees, and pulls me to the door. We brush past Takeshi and Takeshi making out on the dance floor near the exit, but Naruto is impatient and ignores their calls. Though we haven't packed and all our stuff is still at school, he tells the taxi to take us to my house. He pulls out his keys before I can and he lets us in and tugs me into the hallway, and that's as far as we get before he pushes me against the wall, grinding with renewed vigour. I close my eyes as he holds my wrists and lifts my arms up over my head and kisses me open-mouthed. He's blazing hotter than fire in this cold winter night – the house hasn't had heating since we've been gone and it's nearly as cold inside as it is out, but it means nothing in the face of Naruto's desire.

My entrance is already tingling in anticipation by the time our pants are down; he doesn't even bother to remove our shirts, lower garments pooling at our feet. He spits into his hand, spreads the saliva on his fingers, and pushes clear to the knuckle. My back arches painfully, the cry that escapes me a similar indicator of the sensations assaulting me at the moment. I wrap my arms around him and dig my nails into his back as his torso pins mine between himself and the wall and as he massages my prostate, barely touching one moment, pressing hard the next. I'm moaning and shuddering, a mess hanging off of his body, and my cock is hard and leaking and though I try to push my hips forward, his other hand is holding me back and his own hips are too far to make contact.

"Naruto," I pant, "touch me."

He just shakes his head and kisses me hard, fingers still rubbing within me. I reach down myself, but he intercepts my hand. Looking annoyed, he pulls his fingers out – I nearly whimper at the loss of stimulation – then, holding my wrists tightly enough to border on painful, he reaches down to his pants and unclips a chain. I try to twist out of his hold, but he won't let me; he chains my wrists to a slat of the air vent above me in the wall. Then he's back, ducking down to leave hickeys on my chest, licking my nipples, still rubbing my sweet spot, holding my hips in place. Then, unexpectedly, he puts his hands around my ass and hoists me up. I cry out, legs flailing as my lower body is heaved into the air, until my knees find purchase hooking over his shoulders. In the narrow hallway I manage to brace my feet against the wall, still hanging by my wrists, as he quickly aligns his cock with my entrance. Even when he thrusts into me, he refuses to touch my aching erection, instead raking every other part of my body with his hands and mouth. I pant and moan and hiss, but he won't touch me.

"Please, Naruto. Touch me, I'm begging you." I pull at my restraints, but the chains are bitingly cold against my burning skin and I can't get free.

"No," he murmurs. "I want you to cum without me touching you."

"N-Naruto—!"

"I want to see if you can." He caresses my side. "It feels good, right?"

"It hurts," I gasp. "I'm so fucking hard it hurts. Just a little, please."

He nuzzles into the crook of my neck as he pounds my prostate. "Focus, Sasuke. Focus on the pleasure. Can you feel me inside you?"

"Y-yes…" Despite my frustration, his dirty words and husky tone are fuel to my fire. "N-Naruto – fuck me harder…"

I feel a shiver in his body at my words and he complies, redoubling his efforts. "You're – nnh – tight, Sasuke," he groans. "You're always so tight…"

The heat mounts higher than it's ever been before; my erection is throbbing painfully with need. Naruto's panting in my ear amplifies the feel of his thrusts inside me. I can feel him straining, nearing his limit but holding back, leaning away from the edge even as he's propelled towards it, waiting – waiting for me.

"Beg, Sasuke," he breathes. "Beg for it."

"Naruto!"

"Don't be shy, baby. Tell me what you want."

"I want you to touch me – please, Naruto, I'm so close—"

He brings a hand downwards and I squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation, but his fingers land right next to my erection. He scores down my legs and up my body, rubs my nipples, presses into my spine, threads his fingers into my hair.

"Fuck, Sasuke," he pants, voice strained with the exertion of holding back. "I'm gonna… soon…"

"I'm begging you," I rasp.

He pushes hard into my prostate and releases his hot seed right against it, and the pleasure coiling in my lower body surges to a point and the feeling of his hands on my body is like he's milking the heat from me and I cum so hard it hurts, biting into his neck to muffle my screams.

As I spiral downwards, I feel a touch on my still-hard shaft, and another burst of sensation fills me as he gently strokes, almost caresses me, kissing me between deep breaths. My muscles clench and unclench, still feeling the effects of my orgasm, until my skin becomes hypersensitive and I pull away from him. He lets go of my member, sets me on my own feet again, and unchains my arms. I collapse into him, utterly spent. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me and carries me to the bedroom, and we fall asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

Now if anyone can tell me which song I was quoting in this, they seriously deserve a round of applause. And a SasuNaru sketch. So guess away! I doubt anyone will get it, since it's originally Japanese and then I tweaked the translation a little (it still sounds kind of awkward). I've started a forum thread where you can see the ones I've already done.

Speaking of which, there's a new one from the last challenge I issued. Araragi is named after Araragi Koyomi from Bakemonogatari, which is an epic anime of 15 episodes that everyone should watch. The person who got it right, karida4, requested Sasuke and Naruto as ANBU… and so here they are: i53. tinypic. com/ 2hz1i4l. png (I hope that works). I enjoyed doing this one a lot, so it ended up being more than a sketch, ha.

A vague hint for this challenge, since it's so difficult: it's distantly related to Bakemonogatari. Just tell me the name of the song and the artist. Good luck!

R+F


	96. Cleave Together, Cleave Apart

Since I'm in a different time zone now, updates will on average be five hours earlier! Although last week I got really confused and thought Friday was Saturday. And this week I did groceries. I don't actually have a standard updating time… "Saturday" is my guideline.

"Cleave" is one of those oddities of the English language. It can mean both "to separate" and "to bring together." And, seeing how we get a little of both in this chapter, it's quite fitting.

* * *

"Sasuke-teme!" I call, racing down the hallway. "Sasuke, you bastard, wake up!"

Sasuke rolls onto his other side in bed and pulls the covers closer around him. I leap on him, and he grunts in pain.

"What'd'you want, dobe? It's too early."

"It's nearly noon. What's wrong with you? You're always up at the crack of dawn."

"We were up until four in the morning. Can't I have a decent eight hours of sleep?"

I ignore him. "You put Sui and Kiba back together, didn't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Didn't you?" I insist. "I went to use the bathroom this morning and I heard my phone ringing – our clothes are still in the hall, by the way – and it was Kiba calling me at, like, eight in the morning, and he said he's with Sui and Araragi-san is with Sai. What the hell did you do?"

He shoves me off, then tosses the covers over me and pulls me close. "All I did was chat with Sui."

"She didn't know Kiba was dating Araragi-san until you came downstairs to the dance floor with her. You must have told her."

"Your point being?"

"You did! You're learning, teme," I grin. Putting a hand on his chest, I joke, "Maybe somewhere in that core of ice you really do care about people."

He laughs. "Dream on, dobe."

—

The winter break is uneventfully peaceful. We get more snow, and I coax Sasuke outside to make snowmen and forts and igloos. We share body warmth to combat the cold and watch the New Year's fireworks in Tokyo again, returning to the same spot as last year. We only stay one night, but it's enough for me to hope for this to become a tradition. The only question is, can we maintain it through our years of study?

"Sasuke, how long would you study law for?" I ask the day after, as we lie around under the duvet, feeling warm and lazy.

"It's three years for an undergraduate degree," he says.

"And then?"

"Depends on what the program offers, and what branch of law I'd be going into. Could be five years or more."

"Five years…" I sigh. "Five years is a long time to be apart."

He nods and takes my hand under the covers. "It is. But you'll be busy too. I'm sure the time will slip by before we know it."

I roll onto my back. "It's weird, planning into the future like this. We don't even know what's going to happen after high school, let alone beyond studying. Getting jobs and settling in and stuff… And, y'know, I haven't even ever had any dance training. The arts are a difficult area to get into. It's so competitive, and I'm really far behind…"

"Don't think like that," says Sasuke. He throws the covers off and pulls me to my feet and takes us to where his computer is set up. "We'll find you a dance course right now."

I'm doubtful about the success of this endeavour, but we search online and eventually find a hip hop course that runs two evenings a week plus Sundays, starting after the break. I call up Tsunade no baa-chan and explain the situation, and she agrees to put some of my funds towards the course.

When school resumes, the homeroom teachers all start nagging the third-year students about post-secondary applications. Most of them aren't due until April, but even Sasuke insists on a head start. He sets down his top schools within a week, then helps me figure out the system in the UK (made extra difficult due to everything being in English). It's a shame we didn't think about it sooner – we could have gone to the embassy in Tokyo – but this is the best we can do for now. We get guidance counsellors to help and send emails to people in the embassy, and eventually we have a list of institutes and schools to try. When we report our progress to the name twins, Takeshi wordlessly scampers away to his own dorm room and won't tell us what he's up to, and he's got Shiroi to keep his mouth shut too. A couple of weeks later, though, he reveals what he's been doing all this time: he's found universities and colleges close to mine with music courses.

"You're serious about this?" I say, a little disbelieving. "It's fucking expensive, and it's far. There are tons of opportunities here in Japan, and Shiroi's sticking around, right?"

"I'm serious," he says. "Shir and I have been tied at the heart for the vast majority of our lives. Our red string is long enough to wrap around the world."

I can't help smiling despite myself. Though they goof off most of the time, the name twins are still closer to each other than anyone could imagine.

"What about the price, though? Courses alone cost way more than they do here, and then there's living costs."

"I'm aiming for scholarships," he says easily, "and my parents have put aside funds, and I have a nearly full-time job at my mom's work this summer. I'm drawing from every possible resource."

"But it'd be so much more convenient to just stay here," I say. "Music is a huge industry in Japan. You wouldn't be lacking."

"You make it sound like you don't want me to go with you," he jokes. "Really, though, I know what I'm in for, and I've made my choice." He pulls out his iPod. "Look, I finished this song over the break."

I put his headphones on. The song starts with a solid beat in the instrumental melody and then layers the percussion gradually. It's all electronic until Takeshi's voice comes in with lyrics about letting loose and breaking free, and even that has been tweaked and tuned to match the feel of the other instruments. I find myself moving to the beat, the rhythms familiar yet varied, the melody guiding my body through the motions like a snake charmer. Takeshi's grinning at me, and I'm grinning back – by the end we're laughing in astonishment.

"This is amazing," I say. "Do you always write stuff like this?"

"Well, sorta. Electronic music is the most accessible for me to compose, because I don't need any physical instruments, but I'm only just getting into the dance-worthy tunes. Here, have a couple more."

I listen to his tracks – each one has a unique beat and mood, but they all have a similar sound to them. Maybe it's just that his voice is individual and identifiable, or that he uses mostly the same instruments, but even there he likes to mix it around. And on top of that, most of his melodies are catchy; I end up asking him to send me the tracks a few days later because they're stuck in my head, but I don't know them that well. They distract me while I do homework; I end up inventing choreography instead of memorizing dates and nearly flunk my next history test. Sasuke practically bakes me alive with his glare and lecture, but I'm flying. I bring Takeshi's songs to my hip hop teacher and show him some of the moves I've started to put together, and the group enthusiastically jumps on the new routines.

Being in the hip hop course is awesome. The teacher is only a few years older than me, and some of the people in the group are even older than he is, so we set our age differences aside and focus on our common ground. We all contribute music, moves, videos, and musicians, and our teacher is more of a group moderator. Everyone in the group has had at least a little experience with dance before and, with two one-hour sessions during the week and a three-hour session on the weekend, we rocket through routine after routine. Our teacher calls them quick studies, intensive sessions on a single dance, often learning it completely and thoroughly within the space of a single session. The difference is that, since it's a physical activity, it's harder to forget than that, and we reuse and expand upon basic moves. Before long it's more like spelling than learning an entirely new language – all you have to do is rearrange the parts. Only we get to come up with new letters and words too.

I get permission from the teacher to invite Takeshi to one of the weeknight sessions. He soaks up the praise for his tracks like a sponge in a desert oasis, and he and I do a routine for the others that we've put together recently. The group's feedback is really encouraging, with both praise and constructive criticism. What I love about our teacher is that he's always really positive, and has a way of explaining faults that motivates you to do better without dragging you down. He acts like an equal instead of a superior, a friend and not a parent. And yet he's incredibly helpful and inspiring.

It's mid-February when I start to notice that I haven't seen Gaara in a while. He's not in any of my classes anymore, and he's in a different dorm too. None of the others have seen him either. I pass Yumi in the halls one day and ask her about it. Her eyes go wide.

"He – his parents found out about me going to the dinner party before the break," she says. "They… pulled him out of school."

"_What?_ But – you don't pull a kid out of high school just because he's dating!"

She shakes her head. "They told him to focus on entering his father's company. They're starting his proper training half a year early."

"And they're using this as an excuse," I finish for her. "No. They're using his training as an excuse for splitting you up."

Yumi glances away. "I don't think you should say it just like that…"

"But doesn't this bother you? Don't you like him? And anyway, Gaara hates his dad. Why would he back down now? Shouldn't he—"

"Don't," she says, "please."

At her tone, I stop, taking a closer look at her. There's resolve in her eyes, backed by a certain resentment.

"I… I thought you'd know him better, since you've known him longer," she says. "He hates his father, but he's still going to do his duty and take over the company. The truth is, it won't be long before he's rid of his father anyway."

I'm about to ask why, but then I remember Gaara telling me – his dad's terminally ill. Gaara didn't seem upset at all about it. I didn't know what to say – I can't imagine having parents, let alone ones who'd hate me.

"In any case," she goes on, "Gaara's future success depends on his ability to succeed his father, and the more knowledge and experience he gains, the better. I'm only a hindrance."

"Don't say that! What about—" I start, then realize I don't even know if they loved each other. Finally I manage, "What about your relationship?"

"Some things are more important," she says simply. "Um, sorry, Naruto-san, but we're going to be late for class if we don't hurry."

I watch her go, feeling unsettled. This is wrong. It's all wrong, isn't it? Gaara shouldn't be forced to stop seeing his girlfriend just because he's got a little work to do. He can't be busy twenty-four-seven, right? Even if it's just once every now and then, can't that be allowed?

Instead of going to drama class, I go back to my dorm and call Gaara's cellphone. It's off, so I leave a message. I don't care what time of day or night, but I want a call back. I say so on the answering machine, and my ringtone under my pillow wakes me up at three in the morning. I quickly leave the dorm room before connecting the call.

"Gaara?"

"Hi, Naruto," comes Gaara's voice. "Sorry about waking you."

"More like I woke you," I reply. "How come you didn't tell any of us about this?"

"You think I had time?" he replies testily.

I frown. Considering he had to call me in the dead of night, I guess not.

"I heard about it all from Yumi," I say. "How are you doing?"

"My parents finding out about Yumi is the least of my problems. You'd think my dad was the manager of a prison; he's so strict."

"But doesn't it bother you?" I insist, because it sounds like he's pulling away from the subject. "You and Yumi seemed so happy together. You like each other, right?"

"It doesn't matter," says Gaara tersely.

"What do you mean, it doesn't matter? Of course it matters! You can't just—"

"_It doesn't matter._"

I fall silent, taken aback by Gaara's almost venomous tone, and although Yumi was much kinder in her vocal expression – almost pleading – I'm starting to see a pattern here.

"You act like love is the only thing that exists in this world," Gaara goes on, anger tinting his voice now, "but it's not. It really isn't. If you keep believing that, one day you're going to get a nasty wake-up call."

"Gaara—"

"I know you're content with Sasuke," he says (is that an edge of envy I hear now?), "and that sometimes you think nothing else matters. But love won't pay the bills."

"I know that," I snap, then regret my temper. "I know. Sasuke and I have talked about the future a lot, believe me. We're not going to be together after high school."

Gaara's silent for a moment. Then: "It's hard to imagine you two apart."

"It's not forever," I go on quickly. "Just… We're studying in different places. We're teaching ourselves not to be so co-dependent. Believe me, we're not just flying on cloud nine."

"Good. Don't let go of him," Gaara adds. "Just don't chain yourself to him either."

"I won't."

"I should go before I'm found out," he says, his voice lowering to a whisper. "Or they might take my phone too."

"This is ridiculous. Are you sure you're not in prison or something?"

"No, I'm not," he says frankly.

I sigh. "Well, get a good rest, study hard, don't overwork yourself, and be rich someday. And when you do, call me, okay?"

He chuckles. "Will do. Uh, well… thanks."

"What for?"

"For… calling, and for caring. For caring all this time. I'm glad I got to meet another Jinchuuriki, even if I'm not glad you are one."

"Don't say that. I'll be fine; I can handle Kyuubi on my own. And I'm glad you don't have to deal with Shukaku anymore."

"So am I," he says quietly.

"Well… I guess this is goodbye, then," I say, feeling a pinprick hole in my heart begin to grow.

"I'll contact you when I can," he replies. "It's not goodbye forever."

"Yeah. Alright."

There's a smile in his voice when he says, "See you soon, Naruto."

"Bye, Gaara."

On my way up to Sasuke's room a few days later, I run into Kiba on the stairs, bundled up against the swirling snow outside and hauling his luggage, looking ready to fly off the face of the earth.

"Kiba! Where are you going?"

Kiba sets his luggage down on the stairway landing, heaving a breath. "Gotta to go home for a bit. The dogs are getting to be a handful."

"What? But – but what about school? You're not leaving permanently, are you?"

"No, idiot, my mom would kill me if I didn't finish high school. You know that. What's up with you?"

I pull back, taking a moment to match his words with my memories. Yes, it's true, Kiba's complained about how insistent his mother is that he get his diploma.

"Naruto?" he asks, and there's a hint of concern in his voice now. "Did something happen?"

"…Gaara's parents pulled him out of school."

"What!"

I explain my encounter with Yumi, my phone conversation with Gaara. It's odd, because we rarely ever see him due to his being in a different grade, but the absence is starting to show.

"That's… unbelievable," he finally manages.

I nod. "That's how I felt. Kiba, everyone's leaving."

He lets go of the handle of his suitcase as though burned.

"I – didn't mean you," I say quickly. "Just… come back soon, alright?"

"Yeah." He awkwardly steps closer. I take the hint and pull him into a hug.

Quietly I ask, "Everything alright with you? How's Sui?"

"She's gone back to school," he says, but there's a smile in his voice. "You know, I don't think Araragi-san was really the one for me, in the end."

"I know."

"But he was a big help, while I went out with him. And we still chat sometimes, as friends. And I think he can help Sai more than he can help me."

"I'm glad nothing bad happened," I say.

He nods against my shoulder, his hands warm on my back.

One of the stairwell doors opens with a creak, and both Kiba and I simultaneously leap away from each other, looking away quickly. But it's no good – I can feel that stare on me. I know those eyes.

"See you later," says Kiba, and rushes his luggage down the stairs faster than I'd ever think was possible. I'm not sure whether to feel relieved that he's out of the picture or abandoned at the fact that he's leaving me alone with that glare.

"Naruto."

I swallow, take a deep breath, and look up to the third floor landing, smiling. "Hey, Sasuke. I was just about to come see you when I ran into Kiba."

I know as soon as I stop talking that I've said the wrong thing. I swear his eyes flash crimson.

He extends a hand to me. "Come on up," he says, voice dangerously casual.

I nod and, with trepidation, climb the stairs. As soon as I'm within reach, he pulls me close and kisses me deeply, his hands hinting at the desire for something more than can be done in a stairwell or, indeed, at school.

"You're killing me," he mumbles against my jaw. "I don't know what to do with you."

I glower. "Kiba's leaving school for who knows how long! Aren't I entitled to a goodbye?"

"Yes," he says easily, "but that doesn't stop me wanting to lock you away." He gently presses his lips to my temple, and I realize that he wasn't scolding me at all.

"Sorry," I murmur.

He shakes his head. "Come on, let's not stay here."

We hurry into his room. Shiroi's taking a nap on his bed, so Sasuke signals for us to be quiet and ushers me onto the bed before climbing on after and snuggling in, showering me with kisses.

"We can't do this," I whisper.

He falters.

"It's hurting us too much. We'll never make it."

Sorrow flecks his eyes, creases his brow. "You're my biggest weakness, Naruto."

"I know. Can… can I be your strength, too?"

"I already feed off you like a parasite. What more can you do?"

I take his roaming hands in mine and hold them close to my chest. "When we part… when we go to university, think of me—"

"How could I not—"

"Listen, teme," I growl, biting his earlobe and tugging a little harder than I usually would. He falls silent, wincing, and I lick the bitten area softly. Then I go on, my lips brushing his skin. "Think of me, but don't think about how much you miss me or anything like that."

"How is that possible?"

"Focus on the idea of being together when we're done our studies. Think about the future. How much we've got waiting for us."

"When I think about the future like that, all I can think of is the fact that it's not the present."

"It's because you're a fucking pessimist." I look him in the eyes. "Promise me you won't get down about it?"

He smiles sadly. "That's one thing I don't think I could ever promise you."

"You've got to," I say. "We've got to."

"Can I call you sometimes?"

"International rates are probably pretty high, but yeah. We'll call."

"And you'll come back during the summer?"

"Of course I will. We'll meet back at your house."

His smile becomes happier. "I like that idea."

"Just think of how great that'll be. Can you believe it, Sasuke? We're graduating. We're growing up. We'll be adults soon."

He sighs and takes my hands in his. I'm surprised to find they're trembling. "I'll miss you," he whispers.

"Shh," I say soothingly. "Shh, Sasuke."

"I'm gonna – fucking – miss you," he hisses, burying his face in my chest. He's shaking, shuddering, his arms tight around my torso, hands clutching at my body. I don't know what to do – I've never seen Sasuke break down this way, barring the time I walked into his family room and he caught me praying to his parents' pictures. I can feel hot tears seeping into my shirt.

"Sasuke, you can't do this," I say pleadingly, because his sorrow terrifies me. "You can't – I'm not strong enough for the both of us; if you break down then what will I do?"

"You're strong," he says in barely a whisper. "You're stronger than anyone I know. You're ready to move on and face the world and come back to me like nothing's happened. You're ready to forget all the pain that you associate with me and leave just the good parts. How do you do it? How do I forget you?"

I can't answer him. I couldn't, even if I'd wanted to.

* * *

I don't think I've written something that thoroughly angsty in ages. I really wanted to break down with Sasuke… Ah, everyone's growing up. This is quite relevant to me, since I just started university abroad and had to say goodbye to all my friends. I hope I can see them again next summer… but everyone here is very friendly! And loud in the hallways of the residence drinking every night.

Incidentally, the challenge from last week is still open, seeing as how no one has figured it out.

Also, I've set up an account over at a fairly new place called Archive of Our Own. (archiveofourown DOT org), so if I mysteriously disappear from FF that's where you'll find me, under the same username. I'm slowly uploading all of my work there. It seems quite nice, and more organized than FF – it gives you places to set up warnings, relationships, and characters (more than two!), among various other things. I'm also greatly enjoying how they let me leave blank lines between my paragraphs, unlike FF. I find FF's formatting restrictions rather stifling. If you're a fanfiction writer, I recommend checking out AoOO.

R+F


	97. Foolish

What with me being new to university and Witch breaking her arm and Amber taking on a full course load, production on Two Face has been slow. I do have up to chapter 104 written, but I'm thinking of throwing in a few more scenes, so if I slow down updates don't be surprised. In the meantime, enjoy chapter 97.

* * *

Sasuke becomes moody and quiet as the days go by. Gloomy winter gives way to cheery spring, but it's like Sasuke has absorbed all the depression into himself. I do what I can, and he responds to my affections with fervour, but it doesn't change his mood.

I go to the name twins for help first. They brush it off as a phase to begin with, but with the days dissolving into weeks and no change in sight, they soon begin to worry too. They try all they can to cheer him up, with their usual antics and even some new ideas, but even when they do get a laugh out of him, the happiness is only situational and temporary. The source of his melancholy lies deeper, and I know what it is.

—

It's an unusually warm day towards the end of February when I'm heading up to Sasuke's room with my homework tucked under my arm, wishing I could go outside instead of having to do work. I enter to find Sasuke with his eyes glued to his computer screen, clicking and scrolling frantically.

"Sasuke. What're you up to?" I ask, setting down my books on his desk.

"Sorry, Naru, busy," he mumbles, not once taking his eyes off the screen.

I go stand behind him to look over his shoulder, but he switches off the screen and turns around to look at me with annoyance written across his features. "Do you mind?"

"What? I just wanted to know what you're doing."

"It's personal," he says tersely.

I'm taken aback by this. "Um, Sasuke, but to be honest, what 'personal' issues does either of us have that need to be hidden from each other? I mean, short of, I dunno, gross bodily functions, or maybe surprises. Is it a surprise?"

"No," he snaps. "Can't you ask Shiroi for help or something? I really need to do this, and I need to concentrate."

I frown. "Can I just sit here and work on it on my own? Would you mind if I just kept you company?"

"Yeah, I would. I really can't have any disruptions, and I know you'll end up asking me for help anyway."

"Hey, you said yourself I'm getting better," I retort. His words are still true, but his attitude is ticking me off. "What's gotten into you?"

"Naruto, _please_. I don't have time for this."

"Well, fine then," I growl. I pick up my books and leave.

I can't find Shiroi anywhere – nor Takeshi, so I assume they're probably hiding somewhere making out or something like that. So I sit at my own desk and struggle through my English homework, wishing Sasuke were here to help me. I don't really get any of this when I'm doing it on my own; I've gotten used to Sasuke's roundabout way of trying to teach me things, and it helps with a more thorough understanding in the end even if it's not the most efficient method. But this is a new grammar unit and I haven't quite got the hang of it yet, and nothing seems to be making any sense. What's the use in being able to pronounce English Rs and Ls when you can't even put your words in the right verb tense?

I text with Kiba while I work. He's got his own troubles, with dogs running all over the place and puppies jumping on him at every chance they can get. We toss complaints back and forth until I finally give up. I text him goodbye, then run back upstairs a little early to get Sasuke for dinner, but he's gone – Takeshi and Takeshi are there instead, playing some two-player video game on Shiroi's computer.

"Did Sasuke already go to dinner?" I ask, a little annoyed that he went without me.

"Dinner?" repeats Shiroi. "He was gone when we got here, and that was over an hour ago."

That's weird. Where could Sasuke have gone? Maybe he's writing a story, and he wants help from Ero-Sennin. Doesn't sound very much like Sasuke, but then I don't know if he's made any friends in the writing club. Maybe he's found someone to relate to, someone who writes the same kind of stuff or is interested in his work. That'd be nice. But why wouldn't he show me? Maybe he wants to wait until it's done?

I eat alone, then return to Sasuke's room – still devoid of him – to wait, but time drags on and he doesn't return. I try his computer. I click on his user account after it boots up, but a box appears asking me for a password.

I blink, surprised. He's never had a password on his account, and I was on just the other day. What's he hiding?

I try a few different words, but nothing cracks it. He seems like the kind of person who'd use a random code for extra protection – he'd be able to remember it, anyway.

"Are you trying to hack onto his computer?" Takeshi asks after about the fifth _ding_ that accompanies a failed attempt.

"I'm not _hacking_," I say. "He's never put a password on it before."

"Maybe he's writing a suicide letter," jokes Shiroi, "and doesn't want you to see it until he's dead."

"Shiroi!"

"What? He seems down enough," he shrugs.

"Don't say that," I snap, but my anger is mostly because I'm not entirely convinced Shiroi's words aren't true. Sasuke wouldn't attempt suicide, would he? He's much too proud for that. What would he do that for, anyway? Even if it was because we're going to be separating after high school, doesn't it make sense that he'd at least wait until the end of the summer? And wouldn't he think of something a little more sensible, like going to England with me, or telling me not to go? There are so many ways we could be together, even if things aren't the way we've planned them to be. Sasuke wouldn't be so dumb as to kill himself.

Would he?

—

"Dobe, why are you sleeping in my bed?"

I jolt awake, sitting up so fast I smash my forehead against Sasuke's. I immediately flop back down, groaning in pain, and hear a curse from Sasuke.

"Sasuke!" I say, scrambling off the bed and onto my feet. It's nearly two in the morning. "Where have you been?"

Rubbing his forehead, he says, "I had business. What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you, teme. You left before dinner without telling me! And you locked your comp—"

I bite my lip. Somehow I feel like I shouldn't have said that.

"Naruto… you tried to get on my computer?"

"It's not the first time," I defend myself. "You've never given it a password before. It's not like I would have known you put one there now, since you _haven't told me_."

"Well maybe that's because there are things I don't want you to see. Didn't you think of that?"

"No, Sasuke, I can't say I did! I didn't think you had something to hide from me! What are you hiding?"

"It's none of your business," he says. "You don't need to know everything about my life."

I don't have a comeback to that. Not because it's true – it is – but because it never mattered to us before.

"…Sasuke," I start, beginning to feel worried, "what's going on? Did something happen?"

"Like I said, it's none of your business."

"Sasuke, talk to me! This isn't something that's happened before, you can't just pretend it's all normal! Communication is the most important part of a relationship, right? So tell me something!"

He takes my wrist. "Go to bed, Naruto."

"The fuck I'm gonna—"

He grabs the back of my head and pulls me into a fierce kiss.

"Shut up, you're going to wake Shiroi," he mutters under his breath. "Go to bed."

I wrench my arm out of his grasp. "Goodnight to you too, jackass," I snap, slamming the door behind me. (Then I wince and mentally apologize to Shiroi.) As if he thinks a kiss could make me forget my anger! On the contrary, it just makes me madder because he's acting like this is all nothing. If he'd just tell me what he's up to, I'd leave him alone! Or, better yet, I could help him. No matter what it is, I could pitch in, couldn't I? If he didn't want me to, I'd understand that. As long as he'd just _tell_ me what he's doing!

With a sigh I return to my room and flop into bed. Aoi's still up, typing away at his laptop – probably a last-minute essay or something.

"You're back late," he comments. When I don't reply, he turns around. "Naruto? You okay?"

"I'm fine," I mumble into my pillow, wishing it were true.

—

Sasuke is no longer depressed. Compared to his new attitude, however, I think I'd rather he moped and clung. Now, instead, he seems distracted in classes, gazing off into space, and at meals and between classes he barely speaks – barely even looks at me. He doesn't hold my hand when I hold his. He doesn't strike up any conversations. He doesn't even say goodbye when we go our separate ways. He locks himself in his dorm room during spare, leaving me to bang on his door for about half an hour the first day before I give up. In the evenings he disappears somewhere – who knows where – and doesn't return until late at night.

I'm fuming. I take it out on everyone, shouting at teachers, getting into scuffles with classmates. I get put outside the classroom seven times in two weeks, and on the last Friday I get into a fight in the halls during spare and a leering Yamato-sensei sends me to the principal. I wouldn't stand for it if it weren't for those fucking fish eyes.

I storm through the building, swearing the lights flicker as I pass them. All I can think of are dark, angry thoughts.

"_It's a real thunderstorm in here, kit,"_ growls an amused voice. _"Care to lend an umbrella?"_

"Fuck off."

"_You've never had amazing control of your temper… And now that the Uchiha brat isn't around to seduce you into complacency, how will you defend yourself from the likes of me?"_

"I don't know if I even care at this point."

His barks of laughter ring in my head, making the lights blindingly bright, but nothing blots out the dark aura. _"You must really be furious! But of course, it's only to be expected. Your beloved Sasuke – clingy one day, distant the next. How can you predict what will happen after this?"_

"Well considering he's never been like this before, how can I say anything will be the same again? I'm treading unknown waters here. I feel like I'm invisible around Sasuke. I… What do I do, Kyuubi?"

Kyuubi's laughter subsides at the tone of my voice. I want to kick myself for being so pathetic, but there's something about having Kyuubi on my side that makes me feel powerful.

"_I'm not sure, kit,"_ he says slowly. _"You've tried asking him, and you've gotten angry with him, which never happens, and yet he still doesn't seem to notice you."_

"Thanks for the help."

"_Keep a close eye on him. Maybe follow him one of these evenings, to see where he goes off to. If you want to kill a weed, you have to pull it up by the root."_

"What do you know about gardening?" I ask, but Kyuubi's suggestion makes sense. I have to find out what's making Sasuke this way to know how to make him go back to normal. I fidget throughout my lecture from Tsunade no baa-chan, nodding and looking guilty in all the right places, not really paying attention as she rants on about how I've become so good in the past year and how if I go back to my disruptive prankster ways she's going to suspend me. She finally lets me go when the bell rings.

I obediently go to English class, but only because Shiroi is there. As we wait outside for the teacher to open the classroom, I find him chatting with Takeshi and, under the pretext of being absorbed in their conversation, ask Shiroi to borrow his room keys. He doesn't even ask why – he knows why. He agrees to tell the teacher I wasn't feeling well. I leave, taking a quick glance at Sasuke: he's buried in his notes, not even paying attention. I want to punch him.

I scour Sasuke's desk, looking everywhere for some evidence, making sure to put everything back where it was. I check the drawers, I flip through books – I even try to see if there are any hidden compartments in his computer's tower or screen. Kyuubi suggests the bed, so I search that too. I finally find an envelope inside his pillowcase.

"_That was a terrible hiding place,"_ Kyuubi scoffs. _"And here I was beginning to see him as smart."_

But I'm not listening. I think I know why Sasuke would hide it in a place like that. It's not for security – it's for sentiment.

The outside of the envelope reads:

_To my foolish little brother.

* * *

_

I love exercising my cliffhanger powers.

R+F

P.S. The likelihood of Two Face updating next week isn't high, but if chapter 98 doesn't go up I will try to have something else to post.


	98. Libra

Thanks for being patient. This week you get a short chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

"Sasuke."

"Hn."

"Sasuke, you asswipe, look at me!"

I dig my nails into his wrist, and he finally tears himself away from his computer, whipping around angrily. His face goes stark white when he sees what I'm holding up.

"Give that back!" he snaps. He jumps to his feet and makes a grab for the envelope, but I pull it away. "You've been rifling through my stuff! You've invaded my privacy, you fucking—"

I wince at the word, but it doesn't stop me from grabbing the front of his shirt and shoving him forcefully against the wall of his room, hard enough to force a cough from him, and I take the opportunity to pin his arms.

"Your privacy is the last thing you should be worrying about, bastard," I snarl. "You've been hiding this from me. Why haven't you told me about this?"

"I knew you'd try to stop me," he grits out. "You'd tell me it was dangerous or dumb or something."

"Because it is!" I shout, pushing him harder against the wall. "Itachi's a murderer. Akatsuki's the most wanted group of criminals in Konoha. You can't just go running after them like it's a game of tag!"

"It's none of your fucking business what I do!"

"It sure as hell is," I retort. "I'm your boyfriend, Sasuke. I'm more than that. Didn't you say something about chains being stronger than strings? Haven't I helped you through shit like this before? Tell me what the letter means."

"Give it back, you—"

I dig my fingernails into his wrist. "Tell me!"

The pain flickers in his eyes, registers in the crease of his brow. "It's a clue. He sent me to different pages on the internet to find where the first location was, then—"

"Location of what?"

"Of the next clue. I'm almost there, Naruto, I'm running out of time!"

I frown at this. Itachi's letter clearly stated that if Sasuke didn't find them within fifteen days, his chance would be lost. His chance to find his brother again. And it's the last day.

"I know what this means to you," I say. My voice is low, but I can still feel the anger bubbling within me, rousing Kyuubi. "I know how much you want revenge. But it's not worth dying for, Sasuke."

"_For a genius he can be a real imbecile,"_ Kyuubi chuckles. I squint as my vision flares red.

"I don't need you to tell me what I can and can't do," he spits.

"I have as much a say as you do!"

"Tch, you keep telling yourself that."

"_You don't technically, of course. I know, I know, that's not the point. He isn't listening, is he? He's forgotten all about you."_

I grit my teeth at Kyuubi's words. "Sasuke! Don't I mean something to you? Just two weeks ago you were fucking sobbing into my shoulder about how we were going to be separating, and now you won't even look at me! Do you call this love? Do you call this a relationship?"

"You were the one saying I need to get my mind off of you! Shouldn't you be happy I'm doing that now?"

"I didn't mean you were supposed to ignore me and push me away! There's such a thing as balance!"

"Would you get your head out of your selfish ass? This isn't about you!"

"I know that!" I shout. "It's about you, because everything is about you, isn't it?"

I immediately regret saying that, because it's such a blatant lie. Not everything has been about Sasuke. In fact, most things haven't. They've been about me. Selfish, screwed-up me. But I'm not about to point that out.

"_He isn't buying it,"_ says Kyuubi. _"If there's one thing about Uchihas, it's that they love revenge more than anything. With them it's all about the history of who wronged whom. Do you think you can make him forget that? Are you important enough to him to erase his past?"_

"Just get out," Sasuke says. Trust Sasuke to give the commands even when I'm the one who's got him trapped against the wall. "Get out of my room. I'm busy, and you're a distraction."

"_Tell him what this is worth,"_ Kyuubi suggests. _"Tip his scales for him. He gets his revenge, or he gets you."_

I take a deep breath. He'd choose me. He'd definitely choose me. The sentences construct themselves in my head and my core begins to shake, because the words are so weighty that I'm sure I'm going to crumble with the pressure. It seems like such a gamble – he'd choose me, right? So why am I so afraid to say this?

"Listen, Sasuke," I say finally, glad the trembling hasn't extended to my voice. "I'm giving you a choice, and I'm going to spell it out clearly. You can go after Itachi and get yourself stabbed or shot or something, or you can give up the chase and you can have me. You can't have both. If you choose your revenge, it's over between us. We're breaking up. You understand, right? What that means?"

Sasuke's eyes flash with a hundred thoughts. I swear I see them flicker red.

"So? What's your answer?"

My heart is pounding in my ears. The silence outside of my head is deafening, my muscles all tensing at once.

Sasuke opens his mouth to speak.

* * *

Funny, Naruto is a Libra. I checked out of curiosity after titling this chapter.

Originally you would have known what Sasuke was going to say within this chapter, but then I realized how very evil I could be…

I'm more or less back on track with writing, so updates will return to being weekly. Thank god, or else you would have had to wait ages for this cliffhanger to resolve.

R+F

P.S. Since no one's guessed where chapter 95's song came from, here's a hint: the artist is Supercell. Now all you have to do is tell me the song title.


	99. Without

So sorry! I was at London Expo this weekend and completely forgot to update because my friends and I weren't finished our cosplays. (We went as Chihiro, Haku, and No Face from Spirited Away.) We managed to finish, and I had a fantastic time despite spending far too much on the entire trip Dx Anyway, here's your long-awaited chapter!

* * *

"I'm going after Itachi."

My vision tunnels. I stagger back, unable to breathe, staring at Sasuke in utter disbelief. His brow is set.

He's saying something, about how I've always been a distraction, how this whole thing has been a distraction. I can't really make it out; the sounds ring in my ears, echoing tenfold in my head, deafening me. He puts his hand on my wrist, and I let go of him as though burned. He's blurring up. The whole room is blurring up. I feel hot, wet streaks on my face.

"Fine," I spit, as venomously as possible. "You want to go on your fucking suicide mission, you do that. Don't come dragging your beat-up ass to my feet begging to come back to me, because we're done."

I grab the circular raven pendant around my neck and, with a swift jerk, snap the crimson chain. It bites against my skin, cleaves my heart in half.

I throw it in Sasuke's face. Then I flee the room.

—

"Naruto?"

I try and fail to swallow through the enormous lump in my throat. My heart squeezes with every shudder of my body. I curl up tighter around my pillow, burying my tears in the soaked fabric.

"Naruto," says Takeshi's voice again, "what's wrong?"

I can't speak. My throat is hoarse from crying and my voice stopped working hours ago, and even now my body soundlessly racks with sobs, my lungs aching.

A hand touches my shoulder, then arms and a warm body envelop me. I relish the heat, the proximity, but I can't make myself respond. I hope he doesn't let go.

Takeshi stays right where he is until I can find the strength to uncurl. My muscles scream as I finally move from hours of being tensed up in that position. Takeshi offers me his hands, helps me sit up. He immediately notices the absence of the red chain around my neck. He's never seen me without it – I never take it off.

"No," he breathes, eyes wide in desperate fear. "You – Sasuke?"

"M-me," I finally manage to stutter. My eyes sting like they've been forced to stay open in pure chlorine. I'm trembling like mad and I feel like at the lightest touch, just the brush of a breeze, I could crumble into powder.

Takeshi pulls me close and holds me again, rubbing my back, murmuring in my ear, rocking me gently. His hand combs through my hair. He doesn't stop, not once, not ever, until I pull away from him what seems like days later.

Through an entire box of tissues, a lot of stuttering, and many breakdowns, I manage to explain what happened. He gently prompts me with questions, figuring out what he needs to. I don't know what I'm saying. I just answer as best I can, not knowing if any of it will clue him in, not knowing if any of it fits together. Nothing fits together in my mind; everything is a chaotic mess of grain-sized puzzle pieces.

Finally he seems to figure everything out. He hugs me tightly and doesn't say anything. He doesn't say it'll be alright, that everything will be okay, because neither of us believes that. There's nothing to be said. He just holds me, and I fall into an abyss of dark, ominous nightmares.

—

The next morning, a Saturday, is the heaviest morning of my life. I don't even know what that means, but I can say it is, because I can't get out of bed. I can't move a muscle – my entire body aches with something more than fatigue. Who knew that emptiness could weigh so much? And yet it's as though the entire universe, all the planets and stars and rocks and all the space between, have compressed themselves into a block and pressed down on me, crushing me invisibly. There's a gaping hole in my chest, too; someone appears to have taken a knife to my chest and carved out my heart. I can feel it still, though, somewhere far away but as though it's right inside me, and the knife is being jabbed into it again and again, being dragged through it, splitting it open to let all the blood gush out until it's dry, then stitching it closed with nothing to numb it, filling it up to the point of bursting, and starting over.

I want to die.

This is the only thought that rouses Kyuubi from his depths. He snaps to alertness in a second, his immense dark aura filling only a tiny section of the emptiness inside me, like a thin film of water slicking the bottom of an endless pit.

"_You're pathetic,"_ he says. _"Absolutely pathetic. If you threw yourself over a building I'd be glad, because then I wouldn't have to deal with your unbelievable weakness."_

I can't open my mouth to respond. I close my eyes, feeling immeasurably tired but at the same time haunted into wakefulness. It's five in the morning and the sky is lightening, but after the fist nightmare woke me up I couldn't get back to sleep. So I've been up all night, staring at my ceiling, listening to Aoi's gentle snoring and Takeshi's breathing from his sleeping bag on the floor (he refused to leave me alone), listening to every second of the clock tick by, thinking. Regretting. Dreading. Hating. Crying.

Almost instantly I'm standing in Kyuubi's dungeon. I note dimly that it's full to the ceiling (which is too high to see in this darkness) with water, but I can't drown, not here. Another new sensation is that the water feels awful, freezing like it's on the verge of becoming ice, the cold jabbing through my skin right into my bones, the pressure of it all bearing down on me. Like the universe.

Kyuubi's cage is full of the stuff too. He glares at me. _"Look at this. This is how many tears your pathetic little mind has created, and you just had to go and store them here where I am, didn't you? Why couldn't you put them somewhere more practical?"_

"Why are they here?" I ask, and the liquid floods in through my mouth, filling me up. "If I've got tears to shed, I should shed them."

"_You'd think so,"_ he mutters, _"but the subconscious is a strange place. You're probably suppressing these somehow. But by my tails it's cold!"_

Suppressing. How? Why? A defence mechanism, maybe. Avoid the pain by numbing it. You can't feel it, it's not there – I feel nothing here, rarely ever do. Shock. It's not true, it can't be true, this isn't happening. It hasn't happened. It was all a dream, all a lie.

I want to float away. I want to just ignore all the problems, make it all disappear. But I can't – my feet stay firmly planted to the ground, and though I try to swim to the top, the weight of the tears doesn't let me. I'm stuck here, surrounded by sorrow, crushed by a loss I'd never imagined.

—

"Naruto, why don't you come have lunch?"

"I'm not hungry," I murmur. Takeshi frowns.

"You haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday," says Shiroi. "Come on. Just have some rice or something."

I shake my head. "I'm really not up for anything right now."

I don't miss the glance they exchange before they come to sit on either side of me on the bed. Shiroi puts a hand on my shoulder. "Better sooner than later. Do you want us to bring you something?"

"Sure," I say noncommittally. Another look passes between the two, then Takeshi gets up and leaves. Shiroi stays where he is, his leg warm against mine, his hand still on my shoulder.

"None of this is your fault," he says quietly. "I was talking to Sasuke last night. He's incredibly preoccupied."

"I know it's not my fault. He's a fucking bastard."

"Do you know why he's being like this?"

I sigh and glance over at Shiroi. "How much did he tell you?"

"All he said was that something came up. He muttered something afterwards about being tricked into something, though."

I frown. Was Itachi pulling his leg? Was it all some elaborate ploy to separate us? I didn't think Itachi even knew who I was – not until the letter. I can see it clearly in my mind, in Itachi's handwriting, so similar to Sasuke's that I almost couldn't tell the difference – but Sasuke still loops his letters a little more, and he tends to flourish at the ends of his words. I remember what Itachi wrote: _While you've been sitting contentedly with your boyfriend all this time, have you also been searching for me? Did you see the red cloud on the wall of Michiko station? Did you hear the news about the man brutally murdered in his home whose body was taken? Have you seen my face in the crowd, noticed me pass you by, felt my shoulder brush against yours?_

"I know why," I say. "It's… personal. Even when I hate him this much, I can't…"

Shiroi nods. "Because you still love him."

"I'm just – so – angry!" I grit my teeth, feeling like punching something – my hands are already curling into fists, nails biting into palms. "Just because he's busy doesn't give him cause to ignore me, and he's gonna go and get himself killed, I just know it, and—"

I cover my face with my hands. I can feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes again, sobs threatening to break what little resolve I have left. Shiroi's hand slides comfortingly around my shoulders, but there's nothing he can really do.

Takeshi comes back with a huge serving of ramen, which makes me feel a little better only because of how thoughtful he is. Though I'm really not feeling that hungry, I eat the whole thing, if only to show my gratitude. Then the two of them drag me downtown to distract me, even just a little. It works just a little. I can't begin to say how much it all means to me, and how terrible I feel for not being able to respond as enthusiastically as I'd like to. But they never complain about my mood or try to force me to do something. They make jokes and point out little silly things, and even though I'm still miserable and just want to lie down and sleep for a long time, I can't deny that this means more than anything in the world right now.

—

I dread school on Monday. I stay in bed that morning, ignoring the annoying buzz of the alarm clock, willing my body to go back to sleep. Aoi gently shakes me and tells me I'll be late if I don't get up, and I tell him that I'm not going. He understands. He lets me be, and turns off my alarm for me.

Having returned to school last night, Kiba comes calling at lunch, banging on my door. I wince at the noise. After a while he has the sense to try the doorknob. Aoi left it unlocked since I stayed.

"Naruto!" he says far too loudly, stomping over. "Why the hell are you still in bed? Get the fuck up, you've missed half the day!"

I ignore him and roll over to face the wall, pulling the covers higher over me.

Kiba pauses, then leans over me, trying to see my face. When he does, he stops dead in his tracks. I've been crying again; my eyes feel raw. They're probably laced with red and I know I've got tearstains on my face. I glance up at him briefly, then return to staring at the wall.

"N…Naruto? What's wrong?" he asks, finally clueing in on the atmosphere.

"Broke up," I mumble.

"_What?_"

"You heard me." I carefully dab at my eyes with the corner of my pillowcase. It hurts to touch them now.

"W-what did he do? I'm gonna find him and punch his lights out." Anger is rising in Kiba's voice. I can't help feeling touched at the display of loyalty. And to be honest, at this point I wouldn't mind if someone beat Sasuke up a little. He deserves it.

"I'm serious," Kiba's going on. "Just say the word and he's dead meat."

"I… dunno. Do what you want, I guess."

There's a moment of silence, then Kiba sits down on the bed. "He must really have fucked up if you don't even care if I do him in. Are you angry with him?"

"Very." I sniff. "But it hurts. I'm torn between having a pity party for myself and wanting to cut his heart out. Just lately I don't feel like doing anything at all. I didn't eat yesterday either."

Kiba looks worried. "That's not healthy."

"I have no appetite."

"You're—" he begins, then sighs. "I dunno what to say. I suck at being sensitive. Sorry."

I shake my head. "I understand. Thanks."

"Should I leave you alone, then?"

"Probably, unless you want to drown in tears."

He puts a hand on my shoulder. "If I run into Sasuke, I promise I'll sock him good."

"Go ahead," I reply. "See you later, Kiba. Thanks for dropping by."

"Tell me if you need anything. I'll be there." With a final touch to the arm, he leaves.

I text Takeshi asking him to take over hip hop for today. I'm really not in the mood to teach, or dance, or even just watch people having fun. When I was a kid Iruka-sensei always told me the best way to get out of a slump is to do something that makes you happy, but I just don't feel like it. I know it sounds awful, but it kind of feels like mourning – it's that period of time after something disappears when you just need to give yourself space to think about it. The same thing happened to me when the previous principal of Konoha High passed away. Now, just like then, my heart knows I need to dwell on the sorrow and the loss, to come to terms with it and become accustomed to this new state of life.

This life without Sasuke.

* * *

I sense impending hysterical reviews. -hides-

Actually, several people did guess that Sasuke would choose this path. It's not like I was trying particularly hard to make it hard to guess. The question now is how events will play out. Rest assured this is a happy-ending story. I really do hope you guys will stick with me even though they're apart.

Last week HimekoUchia was the first to correctly guess that the song Naruto and Sasuke sing in the Stoneheads is "LOVE & ROLL" by supercell. She let me do whatever I wanted with the sketch, so I did up a quick fight kind of scene. Only I haaaate Sasuke's purple rope belt, and none of his stuff looked particularly cool from the back, so I gave them modern clothes and Naruto doesn't have a forehead protector on his headband. Uh… yeah. Who cares. Anyway, here's the link: oi53. tinypic. com/ hvqsxx. jpg (remove spaces).

I couldn't be bothered to colour it, but didn't know how else to work the Chidori and Rasengan, so yay for splashes of colour! My idea was to title the piece "To Bring You Back," and Sasuke was supposed to be crying, but I couldn't make that work with the colour/no-colour scheme. Ideally the drawing would have meant that Naruto lost himself to bring Sasuke back, but then Sasuke feels pain/sorrow/guilt/etc. for having to destroy him. Of course it had to become a SasuNaru even while they were fighting xD It would be a nice fanfiction to write, or maybe a drabble. I try not to write AU fanfictions anymore, except maybe the occasional PWP. AU plot ideas can easily be turned original, and I'm trying to get back into writing original stuff. When I have something worth posting, I'll let you guys know in case you're interested in reading.

R+F


	100. Sakura Deception

So the past three chapters were incredibly short, but then I suppose lately Two Face calls for short strings. Partly in celebration of the first three-digit chapter and partly just because there was a lot to write, this one is quite long compared to my usual. Enjoy.

Incidentally this chapter has little to do with Haruno Sakura. She does appear, but that's not the point of the title.

* * *

I'm finally convinced by at least five people to return to classes on Thursday. They couldn't have picked a worse day – it's Japanese first, and Sasuke's in my class. I arrive as late as possible, hiding out of sight of the classroom and slipping in just as the bell rings. I sit down at my own desk, right next to Sasuke's, steadfastly looking away, my heart beating like a war drum.

"Where've _you_ been?" asks a condescending voice.

I glare at Sasuke. He's regarding me with icy eyes. They scare me – I hate that look. It's one I rarely see, even more rarely directed towards me.

"If you miss any more classes your grades will drop beyond salvation," he says, his tone utterly flat.

I take a deep breath and do my best not to rocket out of my chair and punch him. Kyuubi's already roaring for blood; I can imagine him, ears pulled back flat, hackles raised, fur on end. Enunciating every word, I snarl, "We're not on speaking terms."

If I could leak Kyuubi's aura through my eyes, through my pores, even from my saliva, I would do it right now. I'd poison Sasuke, I'd stab him, I'd do whatever it takes to see him dead. But he just looks at me with that unknowable stare. There's something about those eyes that I can't read. I've come to know Sasuke's eyes like my own heart, and despite his usual distance I can generally figure out what he's thinking. But the look he's giving me now – it's not that he's blocking me off, it's as though he's taking the offensive, attacking me so that I don't even want to try reading him.

"Fine."

That's all he says before turning looks back to the board to take notes. Whispers explode around the room like land mines. I feel every pair of female eyes, and many male ones, fix on us. No – on me and on Sasuke. There's no "us" anymore – not one that I'll acknowledge, anyway.

I sink further down onto my desk, folding my arms and resting my chin on them, feeling distinctly like something's missing. And it is. The absence of my necklace is like losing the anchor that weighed me down. I've become so accustomed to its presence, the feel of the fine chain around my neck, the pendant warm against my skin or, if I'm hovering above Sasuke, dangling, pulling me closer to him. Now I'm drifting away from the dock, lost in a stormy, turbulent ocean with no land in sight. Sasuke was my land, my port, and I've got nowhere to call home anymore.

The minute the bell rings, people swarm towards me and Sasuke. He ignores them all and pushes through the crowd, even though they're trying their hardest to bombard him with questions. It's with irritation on his face that he finally makes it out of the room and disappears. The ones who haven't followed him snap back to me.

"Naruto-kun, what's going on?" someone asks, fear in her voice.

"Why are you two acting like this?"

"Where's your necklace?"

At this question, everyone who hadn't noticed my missing pendant suddenly does. I scowl and slam my textbook shut.

"I'm gonna be late for class," I snap. Kyuubi adds a snarl for good measure, and the circle of people closest to me backs away a little, almost as though they could hear him. No one stops me from leaving.

I hear footsteps hurrying to catch up with me as I stalk down the hall, then Sai appears by my side. I manage to at least slow down a little for him.

"Rumours are going to fly," he says quietly.

"Let them. I don't give a shit about what the school says; it's got nothing to do with the truth."

"What is the truth, then?"

"You know it already."

"I want to hear it from you."

"What, so you can watch me suffer?" This reminds me of what someone said in the GSA. A kid who was closeted came out to the whole room that he was gay, then went on to say it never gets easier – every time you have to tell someone, you go through the same stress, the same uncertainty, never knowing how they'll react. Only now I'm not being judged for my orientation; I fear no disgust or hatred. It's just hard to have to say it again and again, like telling people someone has passed away. Because deep down inside you never stop hoping, wishing, maybe only dreaming that it's not true.

I hear a quiet exhalation from beside me, then Sai touches a hand to my shoulder. "Alright. I understand."

"Thanks, Sai."

He nods. "Be strong, Naruto," he says softly, then takes a different path to his own class.

I manage to avoid questioning peers by taking lunch in my room and holing up there during spare period, and leaking Kyuubi's aura whenever I have to be in the crowd. This continues in my last class, English, where Sasuke is also sitting beside me. Of course, when we were together we chose adjacent seats on purpose, but now that's gone and backfired. It doesn't seem to matter much, though, because we ignore each other easily. By the end of the day the talk everywhere is that Sasuke and I have broken up. No one knows for sure: none of my friends will confirm it to anyone else, and for this subtle protection of my privacy I'm eternally grateful. If people are going to know, I want it to be on my terms. I'm not about to stand up and give a speech or anything like that, but in a few days I think I might be ready to answer yes if someone asks. For now, I stick to the demon aura and people generally stay away. Kyuubi, despite all things, is enjoying himself.

"_Never thought I'd see the day when you'd use my powers purely for selfish reasons,"_ he chuckles. _"Maybe you're not as much of a goody-two-shoes as you seemed."_

I close the door of my room behind me. "Am I not entitled to be a little selfish right now?"

"_Perhaps, but if you're not careful people will go back to seeing you as the monster yourself, and then where will you be?"_

This pulls me up short, but only for a second. I flop down onto my bed. "Why should I even care anymore? If it means they'll leave me alone, all the better."

Kyuubi won't stop laughing.

"I guess I was wrong to assume you were starting to warm up to me, then," I snap.

"_Did I ever say I gave a damn?"_

"No, but only because you're too chicken to admit it. You know as well as I do that we're not enemies anymore."

"_So what if keeping you alive is in my best interests?"_ he says, but then the doorknob turns and Aoi walks in.

"Hey, Naruto. How are you feeling? How was getting back to classes?"

"Not as bad as expected, I guess," I reply. "Actually, sometimes I wonder if I'm not as sad as I think I should be. It's not that I'm not, it's just… I feel like I'm handling it so well. It's like I don't even care anymore. I've broken down for lesser things."

"Maybe you're getting stronger," he suggests. "You don't need to be able to plead insanity to validate your sorrow."

I have to smile. "I suppose so. Last weekend was cathartic enough. Anyway, I'm tired of drama."

He puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. "That's it."

His cellphone goes off. He picks up his text, then turns to me. "Sakura wants you in the common room."

"Huh?" I frown and pull out my own phone, only to realize it's off. "Oh. Alright, thanks. You coming?"

He shakes his head. "You'll want some alone time. Anyway, I've got homework."

I nod my thanks and bid him goodbye before heading down. Sakura-chan and Aoi broke up on good terms a couple of months ago, apparently deciding they had more things in common as friends. They still hang out often, which I'm happy about. It almost makes me jealous, in a way – that's not an arrangement I could ever have with Sasuke. Casual isn't a word that could ever describe what's between us. With him, it's all or nothing.

When I see Sakura-chan by the door of the common room, the first thing she does is give me a big hug. Of course she was in some of my classes today, but I was so preoccupied I hardly even noticed her. Now as she holds me tightly, I feel something inside of me weaken, like a dam starting to leak. I squeeze her back, burying my face in her shoulder, holding back imminent tears, trying not to tremble.

"Let's go for a walk," she says quietly. I wordlessly follow her out.

I tell everything to Sakura-chan in a matter of minutes. In the time it's taken us to get off the school grounds, I've composed myself and gotten my emotions under control, and now it's easy to recount the story, next to Sakura-chan, walking along the river and looking at the trees awaiting spring, fuzzy with green buds. I say the whole thing without faltering once. I convey it as factually as I can, trying to show no bias. I don't know if I succeed, because to me, it's a fact that Sasuke is at fault. Whether the rest of the world thinks so I can't say. Sakura-chan, at least, agrees with me.

"That's very irresponsible of him," she says at once. "And completely thoughtless."

"Yep." There isn't much to say; despite my easy retelling, any discussion on the scene itself starts to drag me down. Sakura-chan senses this and lets it go.

"So what are you going to do now?" she asks.

I shrug. "What can I do? Ignore him. Hate him. He's too preoccupied with his wild goose chase; he's not about to change things."

"Then will you?"

"No," I say at once. Then I reconsider. "Not right now."

She hesitates, then nods once. That's all.

—

By the time we return after an easy dinner and several hours of just meandering in silence, the school's in an uproar. Someone spots us coming back to the grounds and within moments we're swarmed.

"Naruto-kun, where's Sasuke-kun?"

"Naruto-kun, what happened in Japanese class today?"

"Naruto-kun, why are you with a girl?"

"Back off!" I snap, temper flaring. "And what the fuck do you mean, why am I with a girl? I'm entitled to have friends!"

I retreat into myself, plunging deep down to grab Kyuubi's aura by the tail, and the air around me explodes with dark anger. Immediately everyone backs away except for Sakura-chan, who looks at me with fearful apprehension.

"Come on," I say to her. The crowd parts as though pushed back by the wrong side of a magnet. We walk briskly back to the dorm crossings, keeping everyone else at bay. Sakura-chan sticks as close as she can when I'm walking so irritably, and says nothing until I stop where we're to part ways. I sigh and turn to her.

"Sorry about all of this," I mutter. "I'm not having a great day."

"No worries," she says lightly, in an attempt to cheer me up. She reaches out and hugs me. "Don't get yourself too down, okay? Even without me, there are tons of people who'll listen if you need to talk."

"Yeah. Thanks, Sakura-chan."

A few guys are hanging around at the door to the dorm building, but they scatter when I storm through. I meet no one in the hall, though a door snaps shut as I pass it. At my room I realize I don't have my keys, and Aoi's out. I swear under my breath and sit with my back to the door to wait. Two minutes later I get up again. I stalk back out, picking up speed, walking so fast I pass someone jogging, and burst into the school building practically running. When I reach the stairs I take them up three at a time and tumble out on the roof, gasping for air. I roll onto my back and stare at the darkening sky. It'd be just my luck if it started to rain, too.

"_The hell are you doing, kit?"_ Kyuubi says. _"You know, running is rarely a practical solution to human problems. How many times will you do it before you get it through your head?"_

"Shut up," I pant. "At least I'm not… gonna do something stupid… this time."

"_Yeah, right. When Sasuke told you he was gay for you, you got hypothermia. When he mentioned something about sex and it wasn't a joke, you fled into a city you know nothing about. When he tried to touch you when you weren't ready, you kissed some random strangers at a club, plus your best friend, who you _know_ he practically wants to kill. Now you've gone and dumped him; I wouldn't be surprised if you swam across the sea to China and stabbed yourself with a sword or something like that."_

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not gonna stab myself, unless it's to get rid of your annoying voice."

Kyuubi laughs. But there's something about the tone of it that tells me he's relieved I'm in high enough spirits to be making jokes.

—

Drama class first thing next morning means having to deal with Blue. I'm not looking forward to it at all. Drama's a place where everyone is friends (mostly), because acting is one thing that brings people together like nothing else. A lot of comedic things happen, which puts everyone in a good mood, which naturally makes them enjoy being around each other. In this way, my drama class becomes a group of friends and our sessions more like hanging out, which is great. I can even manage to ignore Blue a lot of the time. People in drama aren't afraid of voicing their opinions – and are often charismatic and have a brilliantly convincing vocabulary and style to do it with – and enough people manage to sort of get it through Blue's hormone-fogged brain that hitting on everyone who exists isn't a good way to make friends or even acquaintances. But I have yet to find out what he's going to do about the rumour that Sasuke and I aren't together anymore.

I try to sneak into class in the morning without being noticed by him, but Ken spots me and calls me over loudly, attracting Blue's attention. I groan and quickly go sit with Ken in a circle of people, leaving no room for Blue.

"Hey, Naruto," says Emi. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than expected," I mumble, "but still not that great, I guess. At least it's something of a miracle that I have the will to wake up in the morning."

"Don't worry," says Ken quietly, noticing where I keep glancing. "We'll take care of Katsumi for you. Today's definitely not a good day for stuff like that."

I nod. "Thanks, guys."

I stand up, walking over to the window, and sit on the sill. I hear footsteps, then raised voices calling Blue over to the group I just left. They very insistently add him to their circle, distracting him, though I can tell by what he's saying that he wants to come to the window where I am. I never thought I'd see the day when a group of people who aren't incredibly close to me would stick up for me like that. Just a year and a half ago, people would have turned away and avoided me. Now I wonder if anyone even remembers the demon fox. Then I remember that I've been leaking his aura for the past 24 hours.

I know the teachers are usually on top of school gossip even if they don't take part in it, but when the drama teacher hands out a tragedy for the next unit and I see my role, I can't help wondering if she's done it on purpose. I'm given the part of an angry teenager whose best friend has betrayed him by avoiding him after taking the girl he'd said he wanted. So the last part is a little off, but it's eerily coincidental, seeing as how Sasuke's chosen his brother over me. I'm in a group with Ken and Emi and some other friends, and thankfully not Blue. For the next while we drill our parts, practicing alone and together. Drama's the only place I really feel I can get away from all the, well, drama in real life. Here I'm an actor – no: I'm a prince, a slave, an android, a reaper. I'm anything but myself, and it's a relief.

—

Weeks go by. The school dance club starts up again the week after the one I cancelled; everyone seems really happy that I'm back and offers words of comfort. I'm grateful, but I wish those words helped more than they do. I find that dancing is a good way to burn off my feelings – anger, sorrow, pain: it all flows out of my body when I get moving. I can forget myself in a good song, in helping people learn the only thing that brings me passion anymore. Even if I don't necessarily feel happy, at least I'm satisfied.

It takes a long time for the fervour about all the rumours to die down. I don't know why anyone else even cares. I wish they wouldn't – it's not about them, it's not their business, and it's the kind of thing that makes everyone want to talk to me. And that's the last thing I want right now: company. People try to appear sympathetic or pitying, but I ignore them. I push the curious away. Several people – a few girls and even a couple of guys – ask me out, but I reject them vehemently.

I'm starting to hate people. I snap at anyone who bothers me, glare at anyone I catch even glancing my way. I duck my head and hunch my shoulders and walk briskly wherever I go, and Kyuubi's aura is so thick around me I swear when I look in the mirror I can see phantom-like long ears and a tail in a shroud of dark red. When I ask about it, Kyuubi just laughs at me. So I stop asking. I talk to him when I'm alone, and sometimes when I'm in public too, muttering darkly about how fucking stupid everyone is and not bothering to care what people think I am. Within days everyone avoids me, giving me a wide berth when they walk around me, whispering to each other about how I'm a monster when they think I'm out of earshot. They don't know that not only is my hearing already better than theirs, but I've recently become much more attuned to Kyuubi and it's amplifying my senses further. The only drawback to this is that I can smell the garbage dumpsters outside the cafeteria, but it's no big deal since I eat in my room all the time now anyway.

Mostly I spend my time alone. I find myself wandering into the empty gym and dancing for hours, tireless, continuously perfecting my routines. I take Takeshi's music and develop choreography, group routines with each person doing something different – all on my own. I've got all the time in the world, really, so my routine count skyrockets. I keep myself busy, dancing full-on when I have nothing else to do, feeling the movements in my body or humming along to the songs when I'm stuck in class or somewhere else. Introverted isn't a word I usually associate with myself, but I really haven't been wanting company since Sasuke and I broke up. The only reason I tolerate the name twins is because they understand what I'm going through better than anyone else could. Besides, they wouldn't leave me alone even if I protested, so I figure it's better to let them do as they like.

Shiroi breaks off frequently to spend time with Sasuke. I can't be mad at him for it, because it's partly to cover up the fact that he comes back full of information about what Sasuke's up to. Shiroi becomes Sasuke's confidant – and my double-agent. I'm sure Sasuke wouldn't normally even think of divulging this much information to someone – he never told me stuff like this, and if he knew Shiroi and I hung out a lot he would be a lot more careful about what he said, I'm sure – but Shiroi and I stay distant in public unless he's with Takeshi. Actually, in public I tend to stick to myself more than anything, and only Takeshi ever has the courage to sift through Kyuubi's aura. Kiba and Sai have attempted to reach me a couple of times, but I was pretty hostile towards them and they didn't try again. Same for Sakura-chan, and even Aoi doesn't talk to me much now. I don't know what it is that makes Takeshi persevere. I ignore him, I push him away, I even try to scare him off, but nothing deters him. And in the end, I appreciate it more than anything.

Takeshi gives me all the music he's ever made, telling me that Shiroi sometimes talks about music therapy. The songs aren't necessarily all ideal for distracting me; some of them are outright depressing, but at least they let me embrace the feelings I usually suppress, and despite their darker tone I force myself to listen to them, to vent my emotions, to purge. For the others, I create dance routines to the songs I can and sing along to the ones I can't. When Takeshi catches me one day he convinces me to sing his newest song; it takes me some time to learn it and my voice is nowhere near as good as his, but he records it and tweaks it where I'm out of tune and adds his own voice as harmony, and the end product is pretty neat. It's oddly satisfying to be part of the production of the music, although hearing myself singing the song I'm dancing to is strange in a way. Still, I seem to become unable to dance to some songs without singing along at the same time, which leaves me utterly out of breath and singing fairly badly by the end of it. But something about it just makes it so I can't stop singing, even when my lungs ache, and as I continue to train I'm pretty sure I get better at it.

As soon as Shiroi finds out what Sasuke is doing, he comes to report to me and Takeshi. We gather at the tree at the back of the grounds.

"He's tracking down his brother," he says, without beating around the bush. "Uchiha Itachi. A murderer, part of the gang called Akatsuki."

"I knew that much," I say. "I didn't tell you guys because, well, it's personal. Even if I hate his guts right now."

Takeshi doesn't know anything, so we fill him in – about the murder of Sasuke's parents, about his own kidnapping. I tell the name twins about the time I found the shrine Sasuke had made for his parents when he was little. I tell them everything I know, because they're entitled to this kind of information. And if Sasuke has a problem with it, we can fight. I don't care.

"Right, so a few weeks ago Sasuke got a letter from Itachi," says Shiroi. "I read it. It was a nasty piece of work."

I nod. "It said some shit about how Itachi's been more or less in plain sight all this time and Sasuke's never noticed because he's been too busy being happy with me. Itachi basically pinpointed me as a weakness to Sasuke, and Sasuke's always been big on revenge. I think… I think Itachi's the single person who has the most sway on Sasuke in the entire world."

"Even more than you?" says Takeshi, surprised.

"Evidently, since Sasuke chose to pursue him instead of stay with me." I frown, then turn to Shiroi. "So, then what?"

Shiroi continues, "Sasuke showed me what Itachi sent him to. It was this website, just white with standard black text, and the only thing it said was instructions on how to find the clues to where Itachi was hiding. Sasuke showed me. He had to go to a site, search something, and click the sixth result. Then from there he had to look for something like the 43rd word in the eighth paragraph of text or something like that, and search for that word on another website and look for the 109th word from there… Well, it went on and on, and eventually he collected enough words to form a message that sent him somewhere in the city, little shops and dark alleyways and stuff like that, where there would be another piece of paper telling him the address to another website with new instructions, like an extravagant scavenger hunt."

I try to process all of this. I would have given up immediately, but Sasuke never would – especially not when it was a chance to catch Itachi.

"It was really detailed work, but had no intellectual challenge whatsoever," Shiroi goes on. "Sasuke was pretty pissed off. Said Itachi was mocking him by giving him such a mundane task. He told me he got pissed at you, Naruto, when you interrupted him, because he lost count and had to go back several steps, and he only had a few hours left to figure it out and it was the final step. Of course, Sasuke's the kind of person who keeps tabs on stuff like this, so he didn't have to start way back at the beginning. He figured it out and got to the place three hours before the deadline, only to find that Itachi left another message. Long story short, it was a false trail."

"Ouch," says Takeshi. "He must've been pretty ticked off after that."

"Yeah. But now Itachi's left some actual tangible hints, and Sasuke thinks it's not a hoax anymore. The clues are more enigmatic and take days to figure out, but it's the kind of thing Sasuke's intellect is up for."

"But does Sasuke even know what he's going to do once he finds Itachi?" I say, exasperated. "For all we know, Itachi's got a gun and is gonna blow Sasuke's brains out the minute they set eyes on each other. Is Sasuke planning to bring in the police force or something? Itachi's got him completely at his mercy. Why does Sasuke think chasing him like this is going to accomplish anything?"

Takeshi just shrugs, and Shiroi says, "Your guess is as good as mine."

"But you're the psychology whiz," I say, almost pleading now. "You've figured out so much about Sasuke just from this."

"You've known him for much longer," he replies patiently, "and you've got an intuition I'd do anything to have. Unless it's that he's blinded by the slightest hope, the smallest first step – I've got nothing."

I frown and bite my lip, staring down at my feet, because I'm afraid it's exactly that.

Despite Shiroi's information, I don't bother to talk to Sasuke again. I was the one who said we wouldn't be talking anymore, and I'm not about to revoke that. I don't know why I care whether or not he's off on his wild goose chase; he's already proven he doesn't care about me, so why should I be any different? When class seating plans change, I move to the back corner of the class whenever I can, and Sasuke makes a point of sitting right at the front. I'm perfectly fine with this arrangement; it means minimal amounts of having to see his stupid face or hear his annoying voice.

—

Almost every year, the school takes a series of field trips around the end of March to go see the cherry blossom trees as they announce the coming of spring. They divide the school up into sections so that the gardens where we go don't have hundreds of students swarming all at once, and as third years our class's trip is one of the first. Last year we didn't go and I can't remember why, but this year when we go the only thing I can think of is the missed opportunity to see these stunningly beautiful sakura flowers with Sasuke. There's something enchanting about how instead of green, all is white and pink, and the petals swirl about in the warm spring breezes, landing in people's bags, covering the ground in a velvety carpet. It's about the number one most romantic thing you could do in Japan; everyone else is walking through the gardens and cuddling up with loved ones, and here I am alone, sitting under a tree with my head hidden in my arms as petals pile up on my head and do nothing to cover up my regret.

Footsteps muffled by the soft petals approach. I peek out to see Takeshi's and Shiroi's shoes. Then they sit on either side of me.

"Don't you want to walk around?" asks Shiroi. "The gardens are beautiful."

"Mmh," I grunt.

A hand brushes the petals off my head, then one of my shoulders. Takeshi asks, "Was this… a special time for you last year?"

I sigh. "The opposite. We never came out to see the cherry blossoms."

A silence, then: "I see." And from the tone of his voice, I can tell he does understand. The chance I missed last year, and this new one I won't have. Won't ever have again.

"You don't have to stay here," I tell them.

"We'd like to keep you company," says Shiroi.

"You could be out there walking through the gardens like everyone else. You could be together. It's romantic."

"We can come back on our own another time if we want. But we wouldn't leave you here alone. Come with us?"

I shake my head.

"Then we stay here."

"This is a plot to get me to go, isn't it?"

"Why would you think that?" says Takeshi, but I can hear the smile in his voice.

I sigh and slowly stand up, brushing petals off of myself. "Fine."

So we walk around. There are various other flowers and plants in the gardens, but most of them are covered up by the massive amounts of petals. We eventually catch up to where most of the other people are, chattering and laughing and having a great time. It makes me feel immensely alone.

"Shiroi."

I look up – then freeze, my breath catching. Sasuke ignores me completely, looking at Shiroi instead. He's wearing clothes I've never seen before, monochromatic skinny jeans and a dark grey vest unbuttoned over a baby blue t-shirt. A plaid black and white scarf hangs around his neck. I can't decide whether I want to kiss him or punch his lights out. Takeshi saves me having to choose by putting his hand on my back and steering me away. I notice Sasuke's eyes flash, though he's still not looking our way – but I know he noticed.

"Naruto?" says Takeshi. I turn to see him looking at me with concern.

"I'm alright," I reply, but my tone of voice is fooling no one. I sigh. "No, I'm not."

The hand on my back slides a little farther along, clutching my shoulder comfortingly. I glance back at the place where Sasuke appeared, but he and Shiroi are gone now, talking about something. I wonder what it is. It's so strange, not knowing what Sasuke's thinking, what he's doing. I've been with him nearly twenty-four hours a day since the day we got together, and to lose him like this… it's like losing a part of myself. Like finding that a piece of my mind is going off in a different direction, keeping secrets from this part of me. I never really realized how truly inseparable we were, not in the sense that we couldn't be apart – because obviously we are now – but in the sense that we were as one. Even when he wasn't talking, I could usually get a sense of his feelings, even sometimes his thoughts, by looking at his facial expression or studying his eyes. We never hid anything from each other. And then suddenly Sasuke had to go and have this massive secret and split the seam between us, creating a gaping chasm.

Shiroi eventually sends a text to Takeshi saying he probably won't get back to us, so we roam the gardens until our group is called back to the buses to return to the school. There we meet him, and he says something in Takeshi's ear, glancing at me. I frown as they exchange whispers, feeling left out – feeling lonely. It strikes a wound in my heart, and I grit my teeth and turn away, climbing onto the bus. I hear Takeshi call out in alarm, "Naruto, wait!" But I ignore him, finding an empty seat and turning resolutely to stare out the window. Just as the bus starts up, he slides in next to me, putting a hand over mine, but I pull away from his touch. He tries again, and I give up resisting.

"Naruto, I'm sorry, we didn't mean to—"

"Save it," I mutter, still watching the stream of students still getting onto the bus. I spot Sasuke among them and avert my eyes, my throat burning.

"Listen," says Takeshi. "Shiroi and I had an idea. We – we noticed how lonely you feel—"

"Very astute," I say tersely, then wince, because that's a word I learned from Sasuke.

He forges on all the same. "Shiroi was talking with Sasuke, right? He said Sasuke never stops talking about you. Even if it's only to complain, but—"

My heart jumps, and I whip around to face Takeshi for the first time. His eyes are sparkling with an urgent eagerness. As the bus begins to move, he leans in so he can speak in hushed tones over the roar of the engine. I can see all his lashes from this close.

"So Shiroi said something about making Sasuke realize what he's missing, and I had an idea – why not show him what you're going through? Sasuke chose his brother over you. So I thought, maybe you should choose someone over him."

"What do you mean, choose?" I say. "I have no revenge to carry out, unless it's to string Sasuke up by his guts. And I doubt he'd get the message if I started beating up, say, Blue." This sparks something in my mind. "But he might if I…"

"Do the opposite," Takeshi says, finishing my sentence for me. "Not with Blue, of course. Someone you know and trust. Someone who doesn't mind."

"Who'd you two think of, then?" I ask, because Takeshi's eyes tell me he's not done talking. But he says nothing, just looks at me meaningfully. His hand is still covering mine, warm, reassuring. And then I understand.

* * *

Oh, the drama!

I feel like I should say something monumental and probably ranty in honour of the occasion of the hundredth chapter, but I can't think of anything worth saying in as many words as it would take. So thanks to everyone for sticking with me, to my faithful readers and the ones who just drop by, to everyone who's ever reviewed, to all my betas for everything they've done. Of course, a big thank you to Masashi Kishimoto for creating these amazing characters who I have admittedly warped beyond recognition. I can hardly call Two Face my own work anymore because of all the influences I've picked up, plus the incredible ideas my betas have given me (a huge thanks to them too, especially since they continue to help me out even when their own lives are so hectic), but I continue to put the story in words – if not for myself, then for everyone who's in this with me. Thanks!

R+F


	101. The Pain of Being Alone

This is possibly the last Sasuke-POV chapter we'll see. No promises, but I have no plans for another.

* * *

I need a drink.

It's dark in the club, colourful lights rotating on the walls and on everyone on the dance floor. Despite the lovely smell of spring and the beautiful cherry blossom trees, I've had an awful day. Maybe it's just that I've had an awful month, or two months, or however long it's been now. Girls won't stop swarming me, even some boys have tried to ask me out (to absolutely no success), I'm no closer to finding Itachi, Naruto's demon fox is turning the air of the entire school into lead, I can barely sleep for more than half an hour at a time, and I think I've developed a permanent headache. I know I'll regret it tomorrow when I can't see for the pounding hangover, but I don't care right now – I just really fucking need a drink.

I make myself comfortable at the bar and order the strongest thing I can force down without it coming back up. I always loathed when Naruto kissed me after gin. Granted, that stopped happening quickly enough, after I expressed my disgust. Now I feel like a hypocrite, but is he gonna know? No. He wouldn't know if I went and fucked anyone in this place. He doesn't matter anymore. The only reason I still think about him is because when I'm in a shitty mood I like to mentally take it out on him. Which is pretty much the entire time since he stormed out of my room.

It takes a few shots before I start to loosen up, but after that the alcohol kicks in pretty good, making the club sway and my head feel light. Yeah, that's better. Doesn't get rid of the pounding drum in my skull, but besides that, much improved.

I swivel around on the bar stool to watch the people on the dance floor. Maybe I should get in there, loosen up a bit. But something is telling me no. Dancing makes me think of Naruto. Of him leading the way, of him getting the crowd going at the club, of him teaching his school group the steps to Takeshi's latest tune, of him going off to England to become a big shot or whatever it is he thinks he's gonna do. Good riddance, I say. I'm not going to help him up when he comes crawling to my feet, homeless and starving. Seriously, how can he have so much conviction that he'll be famous one day? Life doesn't work like that. It may be my dream to publish a book, but I'm not about to just drop everything and write. I'd starve before I could even find a publisher.

"Hey, Sasuke." I turn to see Shiroi approaching. "Fancy seeing you here. How much have you drunk already?"

"Not enough."

"Touché. What's enough?"

"When I can forget. Where's Takeshi?"

"On the dance floor somewhere, probably showing off." The stool next to me is vacant, so he takes it. I offer him a sip of my drink (I've given up on the shots by now), but he shakes his head. "Someone here has to stay sober, and you know I don't take alcohol well."

I laugh. "You really don't. You're worse than Naruto." I down the last of my drink.

"I'm worse than a lot of people." He raises an eyebrow at me. "So, what is it you're trying to forget?"

I shrug. "Dunno. Everythin', I guess. Just for a bit."

"You've never been the type to drown your sorrows in drink."

"Yeah, well, this is an unprec'den'd chapter of my life, so I think I'm entitled to be a bit outta character."

"Unprecedented?" he repeats. "Big word. Use smaller ones, you're going to hurt yourself. What's so unprecedented about it?"

"Smart-ass," I mumble. "What _isn't_ unprecedented about it? It's like the teenage version of a mid-life crisis. Naruto's gone, school's the same old borin' shit, and I'm not one inch closer to finding Itachi."

"Considering you said you were done with Naruto, you seem to talk a lot about him."

I glare at Shiroi, and he backs up a little. But the look on his face doesn't change.

"He was an obstacle," I say firmly. "Couldn't focus on my revenge with him flitting about botherin' me every hour of the day and night. Life's better without 'im."

"You can't say 'without' until you stop mentioning him. He may not be with you literally, but as long as you keep bringing him up he's still around."

I roll my eyes. "Why do you give a damn? 'S'not'cher business what I think about. Stop reading my mind, you're invading my privacy."

"I'm not reading your mind at all," he says casually. "I'm simply finding insight in what you say."

"Whatever you call it, stop."

He shrugs. At first I think he's going to obey, but then he just says, "Is it Naruto you're trying to forget? Because as far as I can tell, it's not working."

I snort. "I've already forgotten him."

"The only thing you've forgotten is the conversation ten seconds ago."

"Well I haven't forgotten how much of a nuisance he was. I'm glad he's gone."

"Then why do you still think about him?"

I scowl, finally relenting. "Who knows? Maybe if I stopped, I wouldn't feel so shitty."

"So you admit you do think about him."

"Only to use him as a mental punching bag," I retort.

"Or for the images you use to jerk off at night."

I start, whipping around to face Shiroi. "As if I'd—" But his face is serious.

"You're no good at keeping your voice down in the shower, Sasuke," he says.

I throw a punch, but he traps my fist easily with his hand and then I feel knuckles collide with my cheekbone. I fall off the bar stool, barely managing to stay on my feet. When I collect my thoughts and look back at him, his expression is one of disgust.

"Wake the hell up," he snaps. "Need a wake-up call? Look over there."

Holding my aching jaw, I follow where he's pointing with my eyes. The scene that greets me makes my heart stop. There's Takeshi, with his back to us, and a head of blonde hair behind his, partly obscured. A tanned, scarred cheek under Takeshi's hand. A body I know far too well moving in harmony with Takeshi's. A hooded blue eye – it's hard to tell from here, and so maybe I'm drunk, but I could recognize lust in those eyes from a mile away. As I stare, frozen, Naruto's gaze darts up and meets mine, and sparks ignite in my chest. The look in that eye hardens, then he glances away and his head moves closer to Takeshi's.

A hand closes tight around my wrist, jerking me back before I can go rip them apart.

"What the hell is going on over there?" I exclaim. "Why the fuck is your boyfriend making out with Naruto?"

"He's not my boyfriend anymore," he says, angry but infuriatingly calm, "and Naruto isn't yours. Naruto has more need for Takeshi's comfort than I do. Takeshi's been there for Naruto since the night you rejected him. You knew Takeshi wanted Naruto from the day you met us. You should have known that the moment you lost your claim to Naruto, Takeshi would take him instead."

"What about you?" I retort, finding little else to cling to. "How do you feel about losing your boyfriend who you've been with practically since you were born?"

"We're more like friends," he says simply. "I don't need Takeshi as a lover anymore. But Naruto hasn't been able to handle all of this on his own."

"Yeah? What about me? I sleep four fucking hours a night and all I get is nightmares about demons and blood and fucking foxes. I've been doing nothing but go to class, hunt down Itachi, and lie in my bed wishing I could sleep. And you don't see me going for some pathetic rebound."

"Maybe you're just stronger," says Shiroi, but it sounds like an accusation.

"You got that right," I say. "I don't need anyone to tell me I'm not the one at fault, because I already know it. I don't need a fucking replacement for whatever Naruto was to me. I can handle being alone. I've always been alone, and I know loss better than Naruto ever will."

Shiroi frowns, as if he thinks I'm wrong. I glare at him, daring him to say so. Eventually what he says is, "Naruto's not yours anymore. You can't say who he should or shouldn't be with."

I grit my teeth. "Fine. He can go fuck Takeshi if he wants. I don't care; I'm done with this."

I slump back onto the stool and raise a hand to get the bartender's attention, but Shiroi grabs my wrist, pulls me to my feet, and starts to drag me away from the bar.

"No more alcohol for you tonight," he says firmly. "I want you to remember all of this in the morning. You're coming back to the school with me, and you're not going anywhere else."

I fight him, trying to twist my arm out of his grasp, trying to get away, but my coordination's long gone due to the drinks and Shiroi's stalking out of the club with more determination than I think I've ever seen in him. I don't stop struggling, though, until he shoves me into a taxi and we're zipping away at top speed. Then I cross my arms, slide down in my seat, and stare out the window, angrily thinking about how, if I'd known how much I'd regret coming out for a drink, I wouldn't even have bothered to get out of bed this morning.

—

Saturday wakes me up with both a hangover and a full load of regrets and dark thoughts. I roll over in bed, pulling the covers tighter around me, curling up into a ball as if that'll lessen the pounding in my head. I really fucking hate how much alcohol it takes me to even get drunk.

I hear shuffling from Shiroi's side and close my eyes to ignore him, but he yanks the covers off of me before I can get a better grip on them. "Rise and shine, buttercup," he says loudly, his voice ringing in my ears. Resisting is probably just going to get me another earful, so I reluctantly uncurl and sit up, groaning.

"The hell is up with you?" I grumble. His face is set with determination, and he's staring me down like he's ready to send me to jail at the first sign of disobedience.

"Go take a shower and drink some water," he says.

"Right, whatever." I drag myself to the bathroom.

I don't even notice the morning wood until I go to tug my boxers off, but as soon as I do I can feel it. Cursing under my breath, I get into the shower and run it cold, shuddering at the impact of the freezing water. Like hell I'm gonna get rid of it the other way when Shiroi's probably standing right outside the bathroom door waiting for me to come out, after what he said last night. I can't deny that it's a fact I can't keep my fucking mouth shut anymore. It's so easy to turn Naruto on just with my voice, it's become a part of who I am when it comes to this sort of thing. Now when I get off in the shower the only thing I can ever think of is him. Nothing else does it – not girls, for sure; not another guy, not even a made-up fantasy one. But if I think about his tanned skin and golden hair and bright eyes, bliss comes as easily as the touch of a hand.

Those eyes. I definitely saw desire in them last night and it wasn't directed at me. And I hate it.

I need to get the fuck out of here.

There are no windows in the bathroom, so escape is out of the question. I feel like I'm in prison, and Shiroi's my warden – as well as the guard, the lawyer, and the one who accused me of the crime. I feel like I've been betrayed by him as my witness, too. Shiroi could be the whole institution, and I don't even know what I'm being convicted of. I push more stupid analogies out of my mind, brush my teeth and towel my hair, and steel myself to face him.

But he's not there. When I open the bathroom door, the dorm room is empty. This is not what I'd expected at all, considering the way he's been acting since last night. I suppose he has this all planned out psychologically, but my head's still throbbing too much to decipher it and I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, even if it is a Trojan. As quickly as I can, I grab my bag, gather what I'll need for the day, and head downtown to track down the next clue. I won't be caught dead back here before midnight. In fact, I plan not to be caught anywhere at all.

—

Distractions. That's all everyone is. That's all Naruto is. When we were together, he blinded me to my true goal. Now that we're apart, all I can think about is how he's probably making out with Takeshi right now, how I would rip Takeshi apart if Naruto were still mine, and how Shiroi's an idiot and an ass for not doing anything about it. What the hell broke the name twins apart, then? Did Takeshi jump Naruto and leave Shiroi behind? Shiroi didn't seem bothered at all, which irks me more than anything. Doesn't he care that his boyfriend's drooling over mine? My ex, rather. As Shiroi so very clearly put it, Naruto is no longer my boyfriend.

And whose fault is that? Itachi's, of course. But if we're going to argue that, we may as well say the way I am now, the way I've been for ten years, is his fault. It's his fault my parents are dead, his fault I grew from an angry child to an angry teenager. And it'll be his fault when I send him to prison. He deserves it. He's the reason I won't ever live a normal life. Because what seven-year-old orphan, what seven-year-old who sees his brother standing over his dead and bloody parents with a dripping knife, will ever be normal again? Normal is what I almost had with Naruto. Living, loving, being together – so maybe we were closer than high school students get, closer even than most people ever get, perhaps; so maybe I'm a fucked-up victim and he's a one-in-a-billion demon container. But it's as normal as we were going to get.

So what if normal was going to be shattered in a few months anyway? When Naruto goes off to England and I'm stuck here studying law in Japan, normal won't exist anymore. But that's not the point. Normal was meant to last as long as possible, at least until August, and after university I would have tracked it down until I died if I had to. But apparently Itachi thinks depriving me of a proper family and childhood wasn't enough – now he has to deprive me of love, too.

But I'll show him. I'll make him regret the day he turned around in that alleyway and told me to run, I'll make him regret not stabbing me to death too, because I've grown up to be his downfall. If everything goes as planned, I'll have Itachi behind bars within months, and then everything will go back to what it used to be. Back to normal. I'll have achieved my revenge, so I won't have to study law anymore. I can study something I want, like literature. In England – after all, that's where Shakespeare lived, and Europe is rich in opportunities in that respect. I could go with Naruto. Everything would be normal, better than normal. Perfect.

Itachi's dangerous, I know that. He's a killer. How could I expose Naruto to that? Even if he hadn't tried to stop me, he would have then tried to help me. It's safer for him if he stays away from me. And it's safer for me, too: if I were still with him, Itachi might target him and make him a hostage to put me at a disadvantage. All in all, it's better if he's not around.

The headache from the hangover has mostly died down by now, but it still lingers, throbbing dimly now and then, synchronized with small, pinprick pangs in my chest. Now those I don't have an explanation for. It might just be anxiety; the signal Itachi mentioned won't happen for another few hours, but I've got nothing better to do and I don't want to miss it. Whatever. I can deal with a few hours of anxiety; I've dealt with more before, waiting for Naruto to wake from hypothermic unconsciousness, waiting for Naruto to return to the hotel after he fled in Tokyo, waiting for the school trip to end so I could go back and fix what I'd done wrong. I'm a pro at this by now.

—

When I find my next clue strapped to the collar of a passing cat, it's frustratingly disappointing. Most of what I've been doing lately is tracking Akatsuki's activity; Itachi's directed me to various crimes through complex and intriguing hints, difficult riddles and the like. It's usually petty stuff: theft, defiling people's property, sometimes breaking and entering – nothing entirely serious, but usually big enough and covered up well enough to cause a scene full of mystery. Some places I've discovered on my own by checking the news and scouting around town myself, although it hasn't escaped my notice that Itachi may be planting those as well; but I'm almost positive some of these are my own finds, which gives me hope that Itachi may be slipping up somewhere. But a message on a cat is not only chancy and random, it's also completely mundane. It does, however, mean that either the cat must have been trained to come here, or someone released it nearby so that it would definitely pass me. I follow it for the better part of the next hour until it leaps up onto a roof and runs away faster than I can climb up the fence and scale the various dumpsters and window sills to the top, and by the time I get there the cat's long gone. I curse and return to ground level.

The anxiety usually fades away once I get a new lead, so I'm excusably confused when, after confirming where I should be in three days, the panging in my chest still continues – amplifies, even. I've been through this routine enough times to know the feeling has nothing to do with my hunt for Itachi. No, this is something else, something completely different.

I walk aimlessly around town for two whole hours, doing nothing besides trying to analyze this feeling. It's not a feeling of waiting for something. But it hurts in the same place, in much the same way. What is it? I've got nothing to hurt for. Nothing to feel about at all, really, besides my hunt for Itachi. But determination for revenge and anger at everyone around me don't hurt like this. They burn throughout my body in a steady, constant flame, filling me with energy and willpower. This feeling is central, pinpointed to where my heart is, a tiny compressed mass of pain – and it's crippling. Each new pulse is stronger than the last, until I can barely walk without pressing a hand to my chest and wincing in agony. I run back to the school; it's not even dinner yet, but I can't stay away any longer. I have to get back – back to something I know.

The running distracts me from the pain in my chest, making my muscles ache with the strain, my breath coming short, my head throbbing with each accelerated heartbeat. Maybe this is why Naruto always runs from his problems. You can forget when you're racing flat-out at top speed, when your feet are pounding the pavement and the world is racing by you in a blur of colour and a stream of air. But as the distance increases and I run out of power, I also see why running becomes a downfall – the moment you stop, the moment you can't run anymore, everything comes crashing back down on top of the exhaustion. Naruto's always been an endurance runner and can probably forget himself for longer than I can, but I'm better at sprinting; my relief has been far too short. I make it to the dorm building tasting blood in my throat. Dragging air painfully into my body and sweating like mad, I lug myself up the stairs – every step is torture – and find my room, mercifully already unlocked. I barely make it to my bed before I collapse. By now the stabbing, gushing, explosive pain in my heart has returned full-force and then some. I want to break down and cry and I don't know the reason. I don't cry. Tears are typically hard to force out for me, but as I lay face-down on my pillow I feel wet pools begin to form under my eyes, and my body, despite its serious need for deep breaths, is racking with sobs that are erratic and completely inefficient.

"You're back."

In my mind I react badly enough to jump out of my skin, but my body seems to have dropped the connection with my brain and simply continues what it was doing. I can't bring myself to turn and face Shiroi. Humiliation, maybe, or just plain shock. I feel like a man lost at sea with no boat, no floatation device, not even a scrap of wood to cling to; I feel like a lost person overcome by things I can't identify. No – it's not me that's lost: it's that I've lost control, over my reactions, over my feelings, and with the immensity of these unknown concepts comes something very familiar but wholly unwelcome: sheer terror.

"Sasuke?" Shiroi's voice is gentle, the way it usually is as opposed to his harsh discipline last night and this morning. Maybe this is his psychological game – maybe he's done something to me to break me down, reel me back home, and now he's got me where he wants me. And I can't do a thing about it – wouldn't be able to, even if I did knew how he'd done it. I don't even have enough space left in my heart, with this overwhelming abundance of new feelings, to muster up hatred for what he's done to me.

I feel the mattress move as Shiroi sits by my pillow. A hand rests on my shoulder. I bury my face more firmly into the pillow. I'm not sobbing anymore, but my body is still jittery, trembling, like I've lost control of my muscles too.

"Sasuke, what are you crying about?"

"I'm not crying," I snap automatically, but my voice cracks pitifully and I shut my mouth before I can degrade myself further.

"Crying isn't a voluntary action," he says soothingly, reassuringly. "You're confused, aren't you? Why are you crying?"

"I don't know!" My voice is muffled, but at least it doesn't break this time. "I'm not – I'm not _sad_. I'm angry, and my chest hurts…"

"What kind of pain is it?"

I grit my teeth. Yes, Shiroi is the kind of person who'd be able to figure it out. He's my best friend; I've gone to him for everything, told him everything since I lost Naruto as a confidant. Shiroi is patient and caring and, at times, much more confident than Naruto. It's reassuring, when you feel as small as I do right now.

"A concentrated, sharp pain, right where my heart is. With every heartbeat, like it's squeezing just as someone stabs it. I feel like I'm going to be sick, but I don't feel nauseous or anything."

"It's the pain of being alone."

I freeze, then scoff. "No, it's not. I know what that's like."

"Do you?" he asks quietly. "When's the last time you felt alone?"

But I don't want to answer him. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Never mind Shiroi's psychological knowledge – I can figure this out alone.

Alone. I am alone.

* * *

So yeah, angst on both sides here. Bear with me here; there's still lots of things to come, and it's never so simple as "just apologize and make up." We all wish it were that easy, don't we?

R+F

P.S. I'm looking for someone who can help me with a fanfiction. I've written the first draft and I feel like it needs a lot of work, so I've gone and written myself comments on things I want to emphasize, add, or change. My only problem is figuring out exactly how to affect these changes. So I need a serious beta who's got lots of creativity, knows a bunch about the relationship between Sasuke and Naruto, and is interested in a post-canon, Sasuke-returns, not-a-happy-ending story of under ten thousand words. Much discussion will ensue. I'm looking for someone who can tell me both the good and bad points of what I've done. If you're interested in being my beta, send me a PM or a review and tell me why you think you'd be helpful. Yes? Alright. Thanks :)


	102. Velvet and Silk

I update on Fridays out of boredom.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?"

Shiroi nods, takes my hand, puts it in Takeshi's. It's Friday, right after we've returned from the cherry blossom gardens, and we're under the shade of the tree at the back of the grounds. My mind is reeling with the name twins' plan.

"You know we'd do anything to help you, Naruto," says Shiroi.

"But – but you're already together," I protest. "I couldn't come in between you."

"It's just an act," says Takeshi, squeezing my hand reassuringly. "On the surface, it looks like it's you and me."

"Even if that means the school thinks you two broke up? How are you going to explain that?"

"We'll say we prefer being friends," Shiroi replies easily. "That we were only together because we had no one else, and that secretly Takeshi's wanted you since the day we met. At least that one's not far from the mark," he adds with a wry smile, and Takeshi chuckles, only a little embarrassed. "And once Sasuke ditched you, Takeshi thought it would be a great chance to show you how much he cared. Simple. And it's all true, really, just with some omissions."

I glance away, consider, look back at Takeshi. There's something completely and utterly open about the look in his eyes. His expression wills me to trust in this plan, to trust him.

So I do.

I squeeze his hand in return, and he smiles. He holds his arms out to me, and I slowly step forward to receive a gentle yet tight hug. I close my eyes, feeling his warmth, his touch, his slightly accelerated heartbeat against my own slightly accelerated heartbeat. Something inside me aches, knowing this hug is supposed to be between more than just friends. "More than just friends" doesn't apply to me with anyone but Sasuke, and despite the fact that I do want to show him how much he's hurt me, this only hurts more. Eventually I have to pull away, sitting with my back against the tree trunk, and the name twins sit on either side of me, Takeshi offering his hand. I hesitantly take it. It feels entirely different from holding Sasuke's hand.

"So do you guys have your own motives for this?" I ask, to distract myself.

"Well," Shiroi says, "I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested in how Sasuke would react."

I raise an eyebrow. "Are you using him as a psychological experiment?"

"You could put it that way, yes," he admits, "but I mean, I'm taking into account that this is a real-life situation. I wouldn't agree recklessly or just for my own gain."

Of course he wouldn't. Shiroi is one of the most level-headed people I know, even more than Sasuke. He knows what he's doing, I'm sure. I feel comforted by the fact that it was his idea to put me with Takeshi, because there's something about the touch of Takeshi's hand that tells me he's eager for this chance, even if it is fake.

So we start "dating." Takeshi and Takeshi act together way they used to at their old school, but if anyone asks they've stopped seeing each other that way. When we're all hanging out in private we show our true colours, but in public the story is that Takeshi and I are together. We start our façade on Friday on the school grounds, right after we agree on the plan. We walk close together, holding hands, whispering and laughing. Laughing isn't exactly an easy feat for me right now, but Takeshi manages to make enough jokes that I can at least fake it convincingly. To be honest, I'm really grateful that Takeshi's doing this for me, going to these lengths to cheer me up.

Over the weekend we roam the grounds and spend time in the cafeteria to expose ourselves to the school. At first people are disbelieving – _Naruto and Takeshi? Really? But they were both so devoted to their previous boyfriends. What happened between the name twins? Naruto isn't over Sasuke yet, is he? He's been really withdrawn lately._ But we rarely let ourselves be seen outside of the dorm building without each other, and soon the gossip changes: _That Naruto, he's the demon fox, isn't he? Why would Takeshi mix with a guy like that? He's dangerous; he's gotten into a ton of fights just this past month. I think sometimes I hear him talking to himself. He's probably touched in the head._ I try to ignore these kinds of words, but it's a harsh call back to the days before Sasuke changed how people saw me. Takeshi can stand up for me, but he doesn't have quite the same social sway. He's new to the school and he was taken before any of the girls could get a chance to swoon over him. When we hear things like that, he just squeezes my hand and smiles at me, and I manage to turn up the corners of my mouth in return.

On Friday in the evening, Shiroi reports to us that Sasuke's gone off muttering that he "really fucking needs a drink." It's the perfect time to execute our plan, so we all follow after him half an hour later and, predictably enough, find him at the Stoneheads getting wasted at the bar. Shiroi goes to talk to him, while Takeshi and I get on the dance floor not too far from them, unable to hear their voices at this distance over the thumping music. Shiroi's going to steer the conversation to us, so all we can do now is wait.

"To be honest," says Takeshi, "I'm kinda glad this opportunity came up. Not that I'm happy you have to go so far as to fake a rebound, but—"

I shake my head. "No, I know what you mean. We don't usually get to dance together like this." I'm watching Sasuke over Takeshi's shoulder, watching him talk with Shiroi. He looks intensely disgruntled, like the whole world is against him. But Sasuke's the kind of person who, when the world is against him, gets angry instead of despairing. So when things bite him in the ass, he bites back. And if he can't bite back, his glare always will.

Takeshi moves a little closer for show. His warm breath just reaches my ear. I glance over at him, and he just smiles.

I raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing," he says, still smiling. The song transitions into a slow one, and Takeshi slides his arms over my shoulders, bending his elbows to wrap around my neck. I put my arms around his torso in response, feeling unsure. His face is less than a foot from mine. The dim, slowly turning white lights pick out the warm, dark brown of his eyes, creating golden highlights. I never really noticed how nice his eyes are. Sasuke's are so dark they're practically black, but I can clearly see the colour in Takeshi's.

Takeshi directs us to rotate slowly on the spot as the singer croons something about peace and quiet and then how it's lonelier without his lover, who apparently left him for some other guy. Thing is, he sings directly to his lover, so my brain automatically assumes it's a guy when the much more likely situation is that he's straight. I sigh to myself.

"What's the situation?" asks Takeshi, since his back is to the bar.

I glance over. It looks like Sasuke's finally blown his top, shouting something at Shiroi. I feel a fleeting moment of fear when Sasuke draws back his fist, but Shiroi easily catches the punch and delivers his own. Instead of the satisfaction I expect to feel, all I get is a pain in my heart that feels like I'm the one who was punched.

Shiroi glances over at us, and after a moment's hesitation I nod in acknowledgement. Then he points at us and says something to Sasuke. I quickly look away.

"That's the signal," I say to Takeshi.

He nods and slides his hand up to my cheek, his thumb brushing across one of my scars in a surprisingly tender gesture. A little startled, I stare at him, noticing his eyes are fixed on mine.

"Any reactions?" he asks.

I look past Takeshi again and my breath catches: Sasuke is staring right at me with a hard fire in his pitch black eyes, a livid threat. I'm in danger of caving. I glance to the edge of the bar next to him and am relieved to feel my shaky walls solidify once more. "He's definitely watching."

Takeshi nods. He looks me resolutely in the eye and murmurs, "Pretend to kiss me."

He leans in, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against mine. His breath is so close I can feel the moisture. To be honest it's a bit uncomfortable to breathe this close to someone – I've noticed before, with Sasuke, but it never really mattered then – and my body is screaming betrayal already despite the fact that I have no one to betray. I've gotten this far by telling myself this is just like before Sasuke, when I would come to the club to dance with some random chicks, and by reminding myself that this is all an act, I'm not about to kiss Takeshi, it's just a kiss, and I'm single anyway so it doesn't even matter. But by the time Shiroi drags Sasuke out of the club, I'm fidgety and nervous and can barely wait for Shiroi's text message. As soon as my cellphone goes off, I pull away from Takeshi to check it. Shiroi's message says: _I'm taking Sasuke back to the school. Do what you like._

"The coast is clear," I say.

Takeshi nods. "Do you think Sasuke was convinced?"

"Who cares? He saw what we were doing; he'd probably kill us both if I was still with him." I sigh. "Shall we head back, then?"

"Aw, I wanted to dance with your sexy ass more," he replies jokingly, but concedes anyway. I don't tell him how thankful I am for this.

—

By the time Monday rolls around, anyone who cares who didn't know about me and Takeshi finds out. I don't know when it is that I got so involved in the whole social aspect of my love life. When I was with Sasuke none of it really mattered, but now it's like this is the only way I can show him how I feel, by provoking endless gossip and parading my act. I'm not going to cry to him or plead with him – I've already done so much of that. I'm tired of being weak.

Interestingly enough, I actually have more classes with Takeshi (four) than I do with Sasuke (three plus spare period). During spare now I just wander the halls or grounds or stay in my room, or sleep in if it's first. It's deathly boring, thanks to the fact that Sasuke's an asshole. If I'm not practicing my dances in the gym, I'll typically find myself on the roof, watching people in the grounds and feeling the wind in my hair. I talk to Kyuubi a lot, which makes me feel less alone. He goes to the bother of commending me on my "pleasantly vindictive" plan to fake dating Takeshi, telling me he never thought I had it in me. I should have figured it's something he would approve of.

The first class on Monday is gym, which I have with both Takeshi and Sasuke. Takeshi and I change together in the change rooms and he starts a tickle-fight and we pretend to be totally lost in each other's company, even though I can't ignore the all-too-familiar glare boring holes into the back of my head. During class we get told off a lot because Takeshi's being friendlier than might be considered decent, putting his face close to mine, lightly touching my arms or back or hands, playing with my hair. I say nothing, because pushing him away would imply that we're not hopelessly and innocently in love and reciprocating his affection isn't something I think I can bear yet. After class, I shower and dress, then Takeshi fakes a goodbye kiss on my cheek – I feel my skin tingle as his lips come within millimetres of my face – and I head off to drama, feeling the tension in my shoulders lift now that I no longer have to pretend.

Of course, drama's all an act too. Today's the day my group is supposed to present the play we've been practicing. Despite the turmoil of the past month and a half, I've been able to practice my lines with the name twins' help and I'm pretty confident about my memory of them. Acting convincingly shouldn't be much of a problem either, seeing as how the character's situation is so very close to my own.

But as we present, I fall deeper into distraction with every line I recite. I didn't expect the emotions to strike a chord in me – maybe I was hoping too much to rely on the differences to separate and distance me from the role. It echoes my reality far too well, this play, these lines: "You know she's just going to hurt you!" "Did you ever stop to think about how I felt?" "That's it then – we're through."

Then Ken, with his usual amazing conviction as though he's living the character's life himself, gives me his hardest glare and snaps, "Fine. I don't need you anymore. You were always just a nuisance to me anyway."

It's too much. I open my mouth to deliver the next line, trying to blink the stinging from my eyes. Then I bolt.

I run without knowing where I'm going, but within half a minute it becomes clear as the stairs to the roof find their way into my vision. I push through the door, leap up the stairs, scramble across the roof, and don't stop until I hit the railing that separates me from the ground far below. There I lean against the cold metal, panting, but mostly not from the exertion. Tears are darkening the cement roof, splashing against the chipped paint of the guard rail. I'm breaking down and I can't stop it. It's only been a month and a half now and I've ignored Sasuke as much as I can, but there was one time where the teacher asked us both to come to the board for a challenge to see who could translate English sentences faster, and we got into a fight and I punched him hard enough to give him a bloody nose and he gave me a black eye and I hated him with all of my being, and then that night I jacked off in the shower to memories of sex with him. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I feel. I want to feel nothing but anger, nothing but hatred for his stupid ideals and his stupid revenge and everything that he is, but I can't deny it – I miss him, I miss him so much I think my chest is going to explode.

"Hey, no one wants to see a hottie fall apart like that."

I whip around. Blue's emerging from the stairs, a small smile on his lips. Despite the tears streaking down my face I manage to snarl, "Fuck off. Go back to class."

He ignores this, however, and comes to lean on the guard rail next to me. I move out of his reach and then some.

"So, Sasuke's still single, right?" he asks. "He doesn't seem to be pulling into himself like you are. I mean, he's solitary, but I can tell he's always been a lone wolf. I think I'd like to get a piece of his ass, now that it's not taken."

I say nothing. Blue can rape Sasuke for all I care. He'd deserve it.

"Wow, you didn't even bat an eyelash!" he says, like it's the biggest thing in the world. "You really must hate him a lot."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"You're not over him, are you?"

I shoot him a glare.

"Just 'cause you hate him doesn't mean you're over him," he says simply.

"No, actually, I didn't notice the tears flooding the roof."

Blue sighs. "Come on, babe, don't be like that. It kills me to see a cutie hurting."

"Sorry if I'm not exactly inclined to believe you."

"Didn't think you would," he shrugs, "but it's true, anyway."

I glance over at him, surprised. He's more aware than I've given him credit for, I guess.

"What about Takeshi?" he asks.

"What about him? You want him in your bed too?"

He laughs. "Nah, I'm alright. He's your rebound, right? And one of your closest friends. He knows all about you and Sasuke, I'm sure."

"Of course he does."

"You'd better hope he doesn't leave you too."

"He wouldn't." Not even if I wanted him to.

"Ah, but you didn't think Sasuke would ever leave you either, now did you?"

I frown, unable to counter that.

Blue sighs dramatically, making me twitch in irritation. "Love. Fickle, ain't it? You think it's worth the effort, you think maybe this time it'll all work out. Then something happens and it all unravels. And all you're left with is pain."

I didn't expect this. He's staring out into the grounds, looking… wistful, almost. Bittersweet. It doesn't seem to fit his face. I've never seen him feeling anything but slutty. Then he looks at me, and I'm trapped in those icy eyes. It's haunting, seeing them looking at me with anything other than physical desire. I don't know what to think.

"Is it worth it?" he asks. "Is it worth the fleeting pleasure you get, when you compare it to the crippling pain?"

My breath catches. I search his eyes for the answer, because I don't know it.

He shrugs. "That's why I don't bother with love anymore. It's all pleasure, no pain for me," he says with a smile, which turns into the usual suggestive one I know. "If you're looking for a little relief from the pain, well, you know where I am. Come back to class before the teach kills ya."

I watch him strut back to the door, his hips swaying. And I wonder who his lost love was.

—

Blue doesn't bother me after that. He still checks me out, still flashes me seductive smirks, but he doesn't get on my nerves the way he used to. He's not so insistent anymore, no longer getting close to me or trying to use stupid pickup lines. It's a huge relief.

As for drama class, I fully expect to be docked marks for ducking out in the middle of the play, and the teacher has definitely planned to do just that. But almost everyone there – even Blue – sticks up for me when I get back, and the teacher concedes, agreeing to only mark the bits I acted in. Someone else volunteers to take over my part for the rest of our performance. Afterwards, when I sit on the floor to watch the other presentations, Emi puts an arm around my waist and Ken a hand on my shoulder, and they say nothing until class is over. I don't know what to say to thank them, to thank everyone in the class. Support isn't a word I've ever been able to give myself before.

In light of recent events, I almost forgot about the trip to Vancouver – we're leaving on Friday. Originally I was absolutely thrilled to be going; it's my first time getting on a plane, let alone leaving the country, and I applied for a passport last summer so I could go. But that was when I was with Sasuke, when I'd be sharing this amazing experience with him. Now we're both going on the trip, but it's like we're going separately. I don't know what to do. I don't want to miss this chance to make unforgettable memories. It'd be so easy – if only he gave a flying fuck.

So I spend time with Takeshi instead. I feel bad for considering Takeshi an "instead," but the plain truth is that I'm not actually dating him and I just really, really would have loved to travel with Sasuke. I mean, I would have been spending the trip with Takeshi anyway – only Sasuke would have been there too. So now, although I know I'm going to have fun, I can't even begin to hope it'll be nearly as enjoyable this way. Takeshi does what he can to cheer me up, as does most everyone else I know. We hang out in the common room, check out events around town, and go on group excursions, which is nice until I realize how much everyone's doing just for me and how very little it helps. And when Takeshi and I play the dating card – sharing ice cream, holding hands, leaning on each other at the theatre – it just reminds me how much of my life is a lie right now. I've never been the kind of person to pretend to be something I'm not, but somehow this year I'm in drama class and now I'm dating my friend in order to make my ex-boyfriend jealous. What am I doing?

It's Thursday afternoon; Takeshi, Shiroi and I have all packed for our flight early tomorrow morning and now we're just waiting around. Shiroi's hanging out with Sasuke, so it's just me and Takeshi lying around in the grounds, my head resting on his stomach: platonic enough for me not to feel too guilty but close enough that anyone passing by might take it as romance.

"Why are we doing this?" I ask Takeshi quietly.

"Well, because we want to give Sasuke a taste of his own medicine, right?"

"Yeah, but I mean…" I rub my eyes. "It's so… _fake_. I mean, sure, we're friends, but you're supposed to be with Shiroi. I feel bad that I'm separating you two."

"Don't worry about it," he says with a smile. "It's only for a bit anyway, and we already told you we'd do anything to help you."

I can't help smiling back. "I know. Thanks. I'm just… so emotionally exhausted lately. I don't think I've really felt truly happy since the break-up. I know everyone's doing their best to help me out, but it just makes me feel worse knowing it won't work."

"That's not a very optimistic outlook, you know. Maybe if you believed it'd work, it would."

"M…maybe. The thing is, all anyone is doing is distracting me, and in the end I know my focus will return to the root of the problem. I just… I miss him so much…"

Takeshi brushes my hair out of my eyes, then continues back, fingers gently sifting through. How does he know I'll absolutely melt when someone strokes my hair? He did the same thing the night I broke up with Sasuke, never once stopping until I signalled that he could. Now he's doing the same thing, unfaltering and constant. It takes some time and a lot of willpower, but I let myself relax, finding at least a little comfort in his gesture. It's like what Shiroi said to Sasuke that night at the Stoneheads. He told us all about their conversation: he'd told Sasuke that Takeshi's been there for me when Sasuke wasn't.

Takeshi is standing in for Sasuke in every way. Even if this is a fake relationship, Takeshi's played his part, doing everything that Sasuke would have done if a similar situation had arisen. But even now I'm unsure: the knowledge of Takeshi's crush on me keeps me at arm's length mentally, and every time I'm reminded of Sasuke my heart pulses with guilt. Takeshi doesn't sound the same, smell the same as Sasuke; his hand is a different shape, his body a different build; his skin has a slightly different texture; his eyes are much warmer, but they're just… not Sasuke. His tone of voice is different, more like velvet than silk, and his vocabulary is devoid of all those fancy words Sasuke likes to use. That last point is easier to ignore than the rest – absences are harder to sense than alien presences – but once I do notice it, it starts to wear on my consciousness like a backpack that's been pickpocketed: there's a weight that should be tugging reassuringly, perhaps a burden at times, but missed now that I've realized it's gone. Sasuke is missing from my life, and no other relationship, real or fake, can make up for what's not there.

* * *

I should be doing work, but I'm lazy and tired and my hand hurts from drawing too much or something. When your work is animating and taking notes for research, having a hurting hand is not good at all.

R+F


	103. Greyscale

Thanks to everyone for their wonderful reviews and comments. I'm really getting an interesting audience reaction to the events that are going on here! At this rate I might have to add more scenes, because there's at least one that I'd been thinking of but eventually forgot about / didn't feel like adding. Now I wonder whether I should…

I've been in Vancouver twice, but both long ago, so forgive me if I get anything wrong. Actually, I'd appreciate if you could point it out, because then I can fix it. To be honest I've tweaked a lot of the wording and even some facts in many of the previous chapters; it's just that nothing is monumental enough to be worth updating on FF. When I put Two Face up on Archive of Our Own, I'll be putting up the new versions. But you probably won't notice the changes. I wouldn't.

* * *

Something I've never realized before:

Airplanes are fucking huge.

I'm serious. How the hell does something that big stay in the air for so long? Our flight is ten hours. Ten hours we'll be suspended in mid-air over the middle of the ocean in a rocket-shaped hunk of metal with skinny boards for wings that don't even flap. Shiroi reassures me that the chances of death due to plane crash are one in about eleven million, but even numbers can't quite combat the idea in my brain that things this heavy should never leave the ground. Still, most everyone else on the trip has already flown sometime in their lives, so I shut my mouth and let the doubts run around in my head without escaping and making me look like an idiot.

Aoi wakes me up bright and early on Friday morning, and we go together to the front of the school, where everyone else is waiting. A bus takes us to a train station, where we take the first train of the day to Tokyo. Then things start to get tense.

See, we arranged our groups way back in October, back when this whole thing was being organized. Hotel rooms were two two-person beds apiece, so we had to divide into groups of four for rooming as well as when we have free time to roam. You see where this is going, right? Back in October, I was still with Sasuke. Back in October, we thought we were inseparable, the two of us and the name twins. Now I'm sitting across from Sasuke on the train, blasting myself deaf with my dance music and staring resolutely out the window. Takeshi's fallen asleep leaning on my shoulder; we were up late last night, but my mind is racing far too fast to be put to sleep. This is exactly the same train ride that took me and Sasuke to Tokyo this past Christmas, and the one before. Those are the only times I've ever been out of Konoha. And here we are again, only now it's like someone's dropped an invisible wall between us, right on the table.

The train takes us right to the airport, where we go check in our luggage. Thank god the teachers are around; I'd have no clue what to do if I were on here on my own, but Takeshi and Shiroi know what they're doing too so I just follow their lead. With our big luggage sent on a conveyor belt to our airplane and our carry-on bags kept with us, we then proceed to security. I trip up by forgetting I have a bottle of water in my bag, then some spare change in my pocket sets off the walk-through metal detector and I'm searched with a manual one by a severe-looking woman who could probably take down a bull. By the time I make it through I feel like the whole place is out to get me. Out of the corner of my eye I see Sasuke smirk. I shoot him a glare in return, then feel Takeshi slide his hand into mine, wiping the smug look off Sasuke's face. I can't tear my eyes away from his magnetic, livid stare as we silently launch daggers at each other.

Once we find our gate, we're free to roam the airport for another hour. Sasuke tells Shiroi he wants to just stay here, but I want to check out the shops and stuff, and also maybe get some breakfast. Eventually Shiroi manages to settle a compromise before we start fighting, and we go look around for a while before coming back early. Then I see the plane coming in with a guy on the ground waving bright orange sticks, and my jaw drops.

"How the hell does that thing fly?" I gape.

"Dunno," says Takeshi. "Science and the fact that thousands of flights run safely each day prove it works, but I couldn't tell you."

"No way does that make sense." I shake my head. "Ridiculous."

A familiar derisive snort behind me makes me whip around.

"I wasn't asking you," I snap, then feel something inside me start to tremble. It's probably the first words I've said to Sasuke since the day I went back to classes and told him we're not on speaking terms. No, that's a lie – we both did a lot of shouting that time we fought at the chalkboard. I quickly turn back, finding a seat near the windows and away from him. A moment later, Takeshi joins me.

"This trip isn't gonna be nearly as fun as it's supposed to be," I sigh.

There are a few students already waiting here, so he slips an arm around my waist. I let myself lean against him, just because I feel so self-pitying. "Maybe you should consider asking Sasuke to end this," he says quietly.

"He'll say no."

"Are you sure? This is hurting both of you."

"Tell _him_ that," I mutter. "It's not hurting him. He's perfectly happy to chase after Itachi alone. He doesn't need me anymore."

With another sigh, I close my eyes. Where went the days when Sasuke couldn't bear the fact that we were going to be apart? When he told me I was his everything? Now where are we? Did I try too hard to push him away, to find distance between us? This isn't what I meant when I wanted some distance. There isn't only "stay by my side at all times" and "don't come near me" – there's a grey I wanted. A comfortable middle where it wouldn't hurt if something separated us. Can't he see that?

I ask Takeshi, but all he can do is tighten his arm around my waist and say, "Maybe Sasuke doesn't understand grey."

—

We board the plane and take our seats and I nervously pay very close attention to the emergency procedures shown on the screen on the back of the seat in front of me, but the flight becomes extremely boring after the first half an hour or so, and I'm not feeling so great, so I take some medicine Shiroi has to clear up the nausea. It also makes me really drowsy, however, and I drift in and out of a deep but fractured sleep against Takeshi's shoulder, finding myself in a different dream each time. Each scene is disconnected, in a different time and place, and yet they pull together as though sequential. First I'm wandering lost in the mazelike alleys of Kyuubi's dark dungeon for what seems like days. Then I'm in front of him, taking a hold of his power and absorbing it into myself. Then I'm on the roof, kissing and grinding and fucking Sasuke even as I'm slashing him to pieces with jagged claws tearing into his flesh and a snout full of sharp teeth. Then I'm carrying his limp heart to Itachi, who laughs and tries to take it from me, so I eat it, and then I grow into an enormous fox and Itachi stares me down with blood-red eyes and wrenches Kyuubi from my existence, and I fade into a terrible, empty darkness that weighs on me like the entire ocean.

I jolt awake with a shuddering gasp as the plane bumps against the runway. I blink a few times, reminding myself where I am, then look sideways, where Takeshi is watching me carefully.

"Are you okay?" he asks, sounding concerned. "You're kinda pale."

I take a deep breath. "Y-yeah. Weird dreams. I'm fine."

"If you're sure." He smiles and runs a hand gently through my hair, simultaneously wiping my mind clear of the darkness of my dreams. He's deceptively good at faking this relationship. "It'll be a while before we get to the gate where we get off, anyway, so there's no rush. I saved you some food, since you were asleep when lunch and dinner came around."

Upon seeing the bread and rice balls my stomach makes a noisy remark, so I gratefully eat pretty much everything. Once the plane parks, we all file off, take a group count, and go through customs. In English. Great.

Because of time zones and the international date line, we come out of the airport at almost exactly the same time we left the school, on the same day. It's like we paused time to travel, and now after over twelve hours it's morning again and, after dropping off our luggage and getting our keys at the hotel where we're staying, we all clamber on the tour bus for a full day of exploration. Fortunately for most people, the first few hours only involve driving around and a commentary from our tour guide. Said commentary is in English, which further aids many students' quest for a little shut-eye. Having rested myself, however, I'm no longer tired, and I take in the scenery with pure astonishment. For one thing, everyone drives on the right side of the road. I mean, I know from movies and stuff that they do, but it's completely different being in the vehicle yourself. I keep thinking we're turning into the wrong side of the road and wondering why the driver's running red lights to turn right. Besides that, the diversity of the people here is astounding. Not only are there Caucasians, but also so many people of other ethnicities – it seems every shade of brown, from fairest white to darkest black, is visible in the skin and hair colours of this community. They said Canada was one of the most multicultural countries in the world, but I never imagined it like this.

And the space! Konoha's just a small town, but even for the number of people in Vancouver, there's just so much room for – for everything. A residential side street we pass is big enough to fit four cars across whereas in Japan it'd only be two – but they only drive one lane either way. The sidewalks are enormous for the number of people on them. Everything is just so roomy. I could get lost in nothingness forever.

"Enjoying the view?" asks Takeshi. I turn around to see him grinning from the seat next to me.

"It's amazing," I say. "You?"

"Definitely," he replies.

There's something about that smile that confuses me. "…What?"

"Oh, nothing," he answers, but his expression doesn't change. I turn back to look out the window once more, but now all I can see is his grinning reflection.

—

Due to the time change, we take it easy for the first day, and so after the bus tour we get some time to have lunch and walk around before checking out an aquarium in the afternoon. Although I'm in total awe of everything I see, Sasuke's presence in our group is like a dark stain around the edges of my consciousness. Part of that darkness is a furious loathing, the part of me that echoes almost synonymously with the feeling of Kyuubi's aura, the one that wants to gut Sasuke and bleed him dry like in my dreams. But another part is an empty dark, which drives Kyuubi away instead of pulling him closer – it's solitude, longing, and a love that's impossible to fulfil. They war against each other, these two darknesses, an eternal battle to see which will win out, and they're both destroying me in the process, the way destructive industrial wars obliterate nature and kill the planet.

By the time we get back to the hotel, I can hardly focus. It's like the darkness has started to seep into the real world, teasing at the corners of my vision, but gone when I turn around. Takeshi seems to be the only one who notices, and holds my hand tightly as though I'd fall over if he let go. I certainly feel that way as we all file off the bus and head to our rooms. We have two hours before we head down to the hotel's dining room for supper, so we all take the chance to shower and change. I let Takeshi go first so that I can lie down for a while, maybe clear my head. I wonder for a second why he isn't going with Shiroi, then I remember Sasuke thinks they've broken up. At least Takeshi and I aren't very intimate; I think if we went so far as to share a shower Sasuke would kill us both, naked or not.

Despite this, no one in the room turns a hair at nudity. Takeshi undresses outside the bathroom before any of us can say a word, and no one does. The four of us have been through enough together not to care about that anymore. Even if the name twins are "apart," they're on good terms. As for me and Sasuke, well, fuck him. I don't care if he sees everything I've got. It's nothing new. I just wonder if I can avoid staring if he strips. It's been quite a while since we had sex, since we even touched; my body isn't used to the dry spell and I've been having wet dreams more frequently now. If Sasuke were to take off all his clothes right now, would I be able to stay immune? Could I restrain myself from looking at him, at that beautiful body I've been denied for two months? Could I avoid running my hands down those curves and angles I know so well, over that smooth skin, through the coarse, dark curls that lead down to—

I dig my nails into my opposite arm, wrenching myself away from these thoughts. It's no good dreaming. Sure, before I was with Sasuke I'd imagine sex with hot girls, but once you know the real thing fantasies just become unbearable. Especially when every one is about the one person you'll never have, the same person you've always been with.

Fuck. I'm horny.

I work off the feeling in the shower, then head down to dinner with Takeshi. The meal tonight is simple, a prepared menu from the hotel's restaurant. After it we're given time to visit others or just hang out before bed, but I'm so exhausted, so tired of this pressing darkness in my mind, that I'm more than ready to hit the hay. Thankfully Sasuke evacuates to go brood somewhere (although we're not allowed out of the hotel, especially alone, I wouldn't be surprised if he took to wandering the streets), so I get my peace and the name twins can have some time to themselves. Within minutes I nod off, but the darkness and sexual frustration invade my dreams instead, chasing me down alleys with bloody knives and crimson-stained brick walls or the feel and smell and sound of Sasuke close, so close…

I sleep fitfully. The first time I wake up, it's to the sound of Sasuke coming back just minutes before a teacher pops in to make sure we're all here in time for curfew. I can't fall back asleep until Sasuke settles, and then for another good half an hour at least I keep dozing off, about to fall asleep, when I hear another shuffle from his side of the room. After that I sleep in increments of anywhere between half an hour and two hours, with dreams of skin sliding against skin or hissing snakes or bursts of bloody geysers, and every time I wake the room is still filled with the sound of tossing and turning.

—

On the second day the trip really begins, with a reasonably early start (breakfast served by the hotel) and a long list of events scheduled 'til dinner. Because the teachers pulled us through the first whole day, we were all exhausted by night time and had a good sleep (well, most of us anyway), so the jet lag isn't too bad. I stick to Takeshi again today; he's as raucous and rowdy as can be, getting excited over everything and dragging me into it with no room to spare for contemplation, which fights back dark thoughts better than anything else can. He'd race across the super-long, super-high Capilano suspension bridge with me in tow if the teachers didn't yell at him to only walk. As it is, I indulge myself in a bit of schadenfreude and end up greatly enjoying watching Sasuke cross the thing clutching the rope handrails, as though the world will end at any second and holding on is the only way to stop it. Shiroi coaxed him into it, partly through sympathy ("It'll help you get over your fear") and partly through taunting ("I guess you're just too chicken"), and I'm pretty sure my own mocking smirk had a part in Sasuke's decision.

A small part of me feels bad for him – the part that still wants him back. This part of me reminds me of when we jumped off the cliff into the lake, when I pushed Sasuke to his limits. This part of me can't help noticing that Sasuke's become braver when it comes to heights. This part of me attacks the part of me that's trying to forget, throwing guilt back into my life. I find myself watching Sasuke as I walk behind him, when we're eating, when he's changing in the hotel room. I imagine him turning around and offering his hand to me, or making a comment on the food, or advancing on me and stripping me naked and fucking me against the wall. I have to shower after him to get rid of the effects of this, cursing myself the entire time for reacting so strongly to such a simple act that wasn't even meant to provoke me (or at least I don't suppose he's trying, anyway), feeling so terribly guilty as I lean against the wall in the shower reaching for that bliss, but so disgustingly satisfied when I reach it by means of images of him – then finding that it's not enough, that the taste of heaven only lasts for a minute, maybe less, and then I'm left with nothing but guilt and desire.

—

I can't sleep. If I sleep, I know I'll dream about sex with Sasuke, about falling into Kyuubi's darkness, about fighting with or running from Itachi. If I sleep, there will be nightmares. Or wet dreams, which are somehow just as bad. So I keep myself awake minute after minute, hour after hour, lying beside Takeshi, because I'd rather see these images awake than asleep. I'd rather be aware and battling these monsters than unconscious and powerless and vulnerable.

The digital clock reads nearly four in the morning when I decide to take my waking nightmares somewhere other than bed. I very slowly, very quietly rise, then take my slippers and room key out with me. The door's almost impossible to open and close silently, but I do it inch by inch. Not five minutes after I'm holed up in the stairwell, sitting on the cold stone steps and staring down three pairs of red eyes in my imagination, the door opens and Takeshi joins me.

"Can't sleep?" he asks quietly, to avoid echoes.

"Not a wink," I reply. "You?"

"You moved the sheets."

"Sorry." I thought I'd been careful not to disturb him. I hope it was at least partly coincidental.

He shakes his head. "Can I stay here with you?"

I have to smile. There's something cute about the way he asks permission. "Of course."

We sit in silence, and I wonder what he's thinking about. Why he'd knock off sleep to hunker down in a stairwell with a monster-carrying, sick-with-heartache, depressed mess. Why he'd go out of his way to act like I'm his special person when no one's around when I'm just not. I look over at him and, to my surprise, he's looking right back, watching me, alert and thoughtful.

"What?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

I sigh, and he slowly reaches out to me. I watch him, wary. He pushes my bangs away from my face, tucks stray hairs behind my ear; my head turns of its own accord toward his touch. He reaches up again and gently strokes my hair, and when I don't stop him, he continues.

"You don't know how much I wish I could be the glue to put you back together," he murmurs, his thumb tracing the shell of my ear.

I smile and close my eyes. The soft, longing expression on his face still lingers in my vision.

He shifts closer, then comes to sit on the step above me, pulls me back against him, and combs through my hair, never saying a word. I feel his warm hands, his heartbeat, ever aware of his presence. Of the fact that he's not Sasuke. But still, I can't help sinking into his warmth, feeling myself dozing off, finding my consciousness slipping. The third time I jolt back into weary wakefulness in the fear of descending once more into those nightmares, he coaxes me to stand up, takes my hand, and leads me back to the hotel room. There we get into bed, and I fall asleep almost immediately to the sensation of his fingers going through my hair, over and over again.

* * *

Why did I pick Vancouver? Your guess is as good as mine. I wanted to choose somewhere I knew from experience, but hardly anyone visits my hometown so it's not like they could go there unless there was some specific event going on. I've been to Vancouver twice and it's very pretty. It's a fairly popular place for Japanese immigrants, being across the ocean and all, and they speak English. I dunno, it's not a huge plot point.

Vocabulary lesson! Schadenfreude: pleasure derived from someone else's misfortune. It's a loan word from German and my friend is quite amused that they have a word for it at all. What are we doing, English speakers?

R+F


	104. Just Like You

This time I am, in fact, quoting a song title for the song's lyrics. Of course I'm putting a bit of a depressing spin on it – ha, as if that's even possible with Three Days Grace – but it wasn't too far off the mark.

* * *

Vancouver is beautiful. It's wonderfully warm; we take to the beaches a couple of times to swim, visit huge gardens and numerous museums, and check out all sorts of shopping districts. We take the ferry across to Victoria for a day to see the sights there as well. Everything is so different, so vibrant. Takeshi drags me along every step of the way and, like it or not, this becomes my getaway, my place to escape from the turmoil of my personal life which, after the initial struggle, faded away almost completely in favour of Takeshi's attention. He never fails to pick me up when I'm feeling down, always pays attention to how I'm doing. When he realizes I'm having nightmares, he lets me talk myself hoarse in the stairwell, constantly stroking my hair all the while. He cares for me like a real partner would, even when we're alone. It's not that I've forgotten my sorrows: I still see Sasuke every day (although I pay as little attention as possible) and certainly it never escapes my awareness that my life with Takeshi is a façade, but with the help of Shiroi and the amazing experience that is travelling and British Columbia, he manages to distract me well enough that it doesn't matter. I manage to smile, crack jokes, laugh at the name twins' antics. Despite everything, I manage to have a good time. A great time. And whereas before we left I wasn't really sure I even wanted to go if it was without Sasuke, now I'm having a hard time coming to terms with going home.

It's the last night; the plan is to get bussed to a nice restaurant for dinner, then pack and get to bed early so that we can rise in time for our flight home. It's not until I'm showered, clothed, and downstairs in the lobby waiting with Takeshi that he takes a look at me and frowns.

"Naruto… the dress code's semi-formal, isn't it?" he asks.

I look at him, in a neat shirt and dress pants, then at myself, in jeans and a T-shirt. Other students arriving are dressed similarly to him. "Oh. Why didn't you tell me before we left?"

"I wasn't thinking about it," he admits, then smirks. "Actually, I was thinking about how nice you look in that shirt, so—"

"Alright, I get it," I say impatiently as he sniggers. "I'll go back and change."

"I'll come with you," he says, but just then Shiroi arrives.

"Hi," says Shiroi. "Naruto, shouldn't you be wearing—"

"Yes, I was just going. You guys stay," I say. The name twins rarely get time on their own anymore now that I'm pretending to date Takeshi. I figure I might as well give them what I can.

"But what about…" says Takeshi, looking at me meaningfully. I know what he's thinking: Sasuke's still in the room.

"I'll be alright. What can he do to me?" And before they can protest further, I jump on the elevator back up.

The room is empty, but there's light coming from under the bathroom door, so Sasuke must be in there. If we meet, I'll just pretend he doesn't exist. I want to minimize the amount of time I have to spend alone with him, so I change as quickly as I can into the clothes I brought for this occasion, and I'm just about to leave when he comes out of the bathroom wearing nothing at all, a towel in his hand.

He glances at me, seemingly unsurprised by the fact that I'm here – he must have heard the door open when I entered – but even though I've resolved to ignore him, as soon as I see him I forget how to breathe: despite the fresh shower and the subtle clean scent of his body wash and shampoo, he looks… awful. There's no other word for it. He's lost weight, unhealthily quickly it seems, so that his hip bones jut out and his ribs are prominent under his skin. His face is gaunt, the circles under his eyes deep in shadow. He seems paler than usual, too; regardless of the warm, soft lighting of the room his complexion is little short of sickly and the topography of his body seems far too angular. Even his posture seems weary, the tilt of his head and sag of his shoulders suggesting he'd appreciate it if he could lay it down for a long while.

Something inside me erupts with a fierce sorrow, seeing him like this, wasted away, destroyed. Why does he look so exhausted? Has his hunt for Itachi been that harrowing? But here in Vancouver he would have no chance to pursue it. He, like me, should be resting, taking advantage of this time away. Or has the conundrum kept him up every night? I know I didn't sleep the best for the first few days when nightmares of Sasuke, Itachi, and Kyuubi haunted me. During those nights I always heard shuffling from Sasuke's side, like he could never quite settle down. There have been silent periods, but then I remember that in some of my dreams I open and shut doors as I run away from the monsters of the night. It never stops them, but now I realize it's exactly the same sound as the door of our room. Has Sasuke been stalking the streets by moonlight, restless?

Out of instinct, out of habit, out of routine, I look into his eyes for the answer – and my whole body freezes up as my gaze locks with his. Those fathomless black eyes… I usually know them so well, but right now they're utterly unreadable. They trap mine, out of no scheme of Sasuke's: he simply looks at me and we're stuck, trapped in each other. Like it's always been, really. I'm utterly unable to tear away even if I want to, and neither is he. It's an endless cycle, typically ended by someone talking. But I can't say a word now, no matter how much I want to tell him so many things: how stupid this is, how ridiculous he's being, how he should eat more and sleep more and worry less, how he should give up this useless chase, how I want him to stop staring at me, how I can't stand the way he's looking at me, how much I hate all of this, how much I hate him, how much I love him. It all tumbles and tangles in my mind, and still I can't look away.

He's the one who breaks it. Something in his eyes flickers, and he pulls away as though burned, shattering the link, the bond, the—

The what? It doesn't seem like anything now. Just a fleeting glance. Time seemed to stretch on forever when it was happening, but now that the world's back in motion – Sasuke walks forward and passes me without so much as a twitch in my direction – it's as if the whole thing lasted only a second. Yet it still filled me with a thousand feelings and thoughts: things I've pushed away, things that haven't stopped plaguing me, things I want to get out of my system, things I will keep to myself for the rest of my life. I carry all of these things back out of the room and out to dinner, feeling like I weigh a ton.

—

Going home is a real downer after all the fun we had in Vancouver. Although I left Konoha moody enough to develop my own personal thunderstorms, I ended up having an amazing time with Takeshi, and having to get up at five in the morning to catch our plane is definitely a not the ideal way to end the trip, especially knowing we're coming back to homework and tests. To be fair, I rarely get a lot of tests because of my schedule, but that doesn't mean I can slack off at all – the opposite, in fact, since Sasuke's pretty much drilled early homework completion and serious study into my brain. I do manage to find ways to procrastinate, but the guilt of doing so is just bigger now that I've become accustomed to Sasuke's strictness. Even though he's no longer in my life, his influence continues to affect me. And not just in these little ways – I rarely see him anymore now, going out of my way to avoid him in class or in the halls (and I can tell the idea is mutual), but I can't get the image out of my head of him standing there, half-starved and ready to fall over with exhaustion. I really wish I hadn't run into him that night. Everything was so good, so easy – I'd been able to forget for a little bit, just a while with Takeshi. It was my escape from this mess, and then Sasuke came along and splashed a huge dark stain on my clean canvas. It's not like I wanted to forget entirely (although to be honest it would have been nice if this hadn't happened at all), but I think I should have been allowed a break. Is that too much to ask for? A short reprieve from this hell, ending on my own terms? But instead it got cut off early, and now I feel worse than ever.

The thing is, I avoid Sasuke because every time I see him – the light playing against his hair (not as shiny as it used to be), the flicker of his gaze (ringed by haunted shadows), the curve of his cheek (more hollow than is healthy) – I want to fold over with the pain in my heart. Every time I look at him I'm reminded of how much I miss him. It's alright when I don't see him, but when he's right there, just within my reach yet so very far away, the hopelessness cripples me. It's gotten so bad that I've run out of classes, thrown up after lunch, spent entire nights crying on the school roof so as not to disturb Aoi. It's gotten so bad that if I even get a glimpse of him my whole body goes numb. But he never notices me – or if he does, he doesn't show it. He doesn't turn to look at me even when I'm in his line of sight. He doesn't freeze up like I do; he doesn't forget how to breathe or walk or talk. Sasuke isn't affected by this in the slightest, and that might be what hurts the most of all.

—

"Naruto, this has got to stop."

I reluctantly uncurl myself from around my pillow and roll over. Takeshi is standing by my bed, looking worried.

"How'd you get in?" I ask, curling up again. It's more comfortable this way. If I open my eyes, all I can see is the wall. Staring at the wall helps me not think about Sasuke.

"Aoi was on his way out." He sits on the edge of my mattress.

"Mmh." I heard the door open, so I figured it was just Aoi. I didn't hear Takeshi's footsteps.

"Naruto, please," he says. "It's been nearly three months and nothing's changed. You can't go on like this forever."

"What do you want me to do?" I retort, though I have no energy to spare for anger, so my words just come out bitter and pained.

"Go to Sasuke and ask him to end this."

"He won't listen," I mumble. "He wouldn't listen even if I crawled back to him begging." And I'm not about to do anything of the sort.

"Then…"

I wait for him to continue, but there's only silence. I turn my head to see Takeshi with his brow furrowed, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"What?" I ask, because he's obviously holding back what he really wants to say.

"I…" He swallows. "Naruto, I think… it's time to move on."

Now it's my turn to frown. "W…what do you mean?"

"I mean… Shiroi says Sasuke's no less determined than he was three months ago," says Takeshi. "More frustrated, maybe, but if anything his resolve has only strengthened. Whenever Shiroi gets anywhere near mentioning you, Sasuke waves the subject away like it's nothing. You're – you're wasting your time, Naruto. Your time and your energy. If you're not willing to ask him… I don't think Sasuke will come back."

I hate it. I hate the pain in Takeshi's voice, the clenching terror in my own heart. I hate the fact that Takeshi and Takeshi know more about Sasuke than I do. This distance… I hate it.

"So what are you saying, then?" I ask, not sure I want to hear the answer I already know.

"I'm saying – You're tearing yourself up over something impossible. It's… over," he says, so quietly I can barely hear him. "There's nothing more you can do. You can't spend the rest of your life mourning. You're hurting yourself unnecessarily. Sasuke is… he's getting on with his life. You should too. Find something that makes you happy. Find someone new. You—"

"Someone new?" I repeat, bolting upright in bed. "You want me to find someone in this world who can replace Sasuke? Everything he's given me, everything we've been through together – you think I can ever have that with someone else?"

"You're stuck in the past, Naruto!"

My vision tunnels. I stare at Takeshi, whose expression is little short of pleading. My breathing is suddenly shaky, my throat constricting, and in the silence all I can hear is Sasuke's voice: _I'm stuck in the past. Itachi is my past. My family is my past. You're going to move on, and I'll be stuck here with memories of you._

"Th-that's ironic," I manage, though I stumble over my words because the pain is filling me up again. Sasuke, stuck in the past, has still managed to move on, move _somewhere_ with his past to guide him. And now here I am in exactly the same predicament, only I won't ever be able to follow through in the same way. What would I do? Find someone new, and never stop thinking about Sasuke? Pretend that person is Sasuke? Remember Sasuke every time we kiss, every time we touch? How is that ever going to help me?

I look at Takeshi, and I realize that he doesn't understand what I'm seeing. He doesn't understand Sasuke the way I do. He hasn't understood that Sasuke's past is everything to him – and I haven't understood that I'm learning to live just like Sasuke. Now I'm seeing, more than ever, what kinds of things Sasuke is feeling. I, who have never known my parents, who have never known loss, only gain: Sasuke gave me everything, and then he took it all away in one cruel sweep, leaving me with nothing but memories. I've avoided Sasuke like he avoided parts of his house. I've become withdrawn and solitary and brooded on nothing but my misfortune and my revenge, just like him.

"You know," I say slowly, quietly, "they say that the more time you spend with someone, the more you become like them." I smile, but it's bitter. "Only I expect you and Shiroi have picked up all of each other's good qualities, and all I seem to have gotten is Sasuke's faults."

"W…what do you mean?"

I consider my words, my tone, before I say, "Takeshi, your dad passed away a few years ago, right?"

I watch his face carefully. He hesitates, then nods once.

"Is it difficult for you sometimes?"

"Difficult?" He looks down at his feet. "I guess, now and then, I miss him. But I mean… I have my mom and my brother, and I have Shiroi. And my dad wouldn't have wanted us to be sad. That's the kind of person he was. So for his sake, I try to be as happy as possible."

"That's a nice way to look at it." I think of Sasuke. "I never knew my parents, but you know, Sasuke told me he felt his dad never really acknowledged him. He was always trying to live up to his brother's standards, but Itachi had done everything first, and better. I can imagine how hard it would be to have to not only match, but surpass someone."

Takeshi nods. "I always got pissed at my brother when he beat me at something."

"Exactly. But you still love your brother, don't you?"

"Of course."

"So does Sasuke." I shift to sit on the bed with my back to the wall, and Takeshi follows suit beside me. "Sasuke never told me much about his family, but from what I've seen, deep down Sasuke still loves Itachi. Everything he says seems to be to the contrary. He always talks about revenge, about putting Itachi in prison, but I think most of all Sasuke just wants to see Itachi again. He probably wishes things were back to the way they used to be. But that's impossible. Sasuke hasn't forgotten what Itachi did; he never will. Because the more you love someone, the more it hurts when they betray you." I sigh. "That's how I feel right now. I feel exactly the way Sasuke did. He betrayed me and hurt me, and now I'm stuck brooding over him, just like he'll never get over Itachi."

"You can only get over him if you want to," says Takeshi, putting a hand on my arm.

"But I don't," I reply.

His touch falters, then strengthens, becoming more reassuring. "I know it seems difficult from here, but it is possible. At least it shouldn't be affecting your day to day life. Maybe – maybe I was too harsh. I'm sorry. It's just… I hate seeing you like this," he says.

I swallow the lump in my throat, staring at my knees.

"It's hurting you more than it should," he goes on. "I mean, ideally you wouldn't hurt at all, but maybe I was insensitive. I know how much you and Sasuke loved each other. Maybe forgetting isn't what you want to do, but you can't let it break you down like this. You're missing classes; you're not eating or sleeping right. This can't go on."

"I'm just following in his footsteps, aren't I?" I mutter. "Have you seen him? He looks like he hasn't slept in days."

"Have you seen _yourself_?" he replies.

I want to say something to brush off his concern, like "I can take care of myself" or "Why do you care?", but I know what he'll say to both of those. So I just shrug.

"You two really are alike," says Takeshi, "but all in bad ways. Come on, Naruto. You've got to get your dance performance together soon, and you won't be able to do it in this state."

Takeshi's right. My live-video auditions for the schools I want to get into are in a month. "I've been dancing fine," I tell him. "I've done hours every day since we got back from Vancouver, and before that as well."

"You can't do this anymore," he says firmly. "Look. It's getting late. If I stay here with you, will it help you sleep? Tell me truthfully."

I want to say no, but he knows the answer already. "Yeah. It will."

"Then I'll stay. You'll sleep at least eight hours a night for the next month, and I'm going to make sure you eat right."

"When are you going to sleep, then, if you're monitoring me day in and day out?"

"Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself."

"You've got auditions too."

"I can handle my own health," he insists. "Apparently you can't. So go on to bed, alright?"

"I was trying before you came in," I retort.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep. And after," says Takeshi. He gets off the bed to let me climb in, then pulls the sheets up over me and tucks me in before sitting by my pillow.

"What, are you going to tell me a bedtime story or something?" I ask, as his hand gently sifts through my hair. Already the heat of our argument is subsiding.

"If you like." He's serious.

I close my eyes. "Sing a song."

So he sings. It's not one of his songs, but it's one he knows I love, about two people who love each other, fitting like two parts in a piece of music. Takeshi's voice soothes me, a sound I know well by now, the sound of comfort, and I fall asleep to his words: _"Right now, somewhere, someone spends a sleepless night alone, until the light shines on that heart; I'll sit by you and wish with you, like a melody and harmony…"

* * *

_

SasuNaru sketch to the person who can guess what song Takeshi sings to Naruto (artist and song title). Hint: it's not originally English, though it does have some English words in it.

R+F

P.S. It's been quite a long time since I've made a poll. There's a new one up now. Go vote!


	105. Walk Away White

The proper chapter title is "Walk Away – White" but because of FF's stupid formatting rules, I can't have a dash in the chapter title.

So the song Takeshi sang last week was a lot less obscure than I thought it was. I guess I gave it away with the "melody and harmony" part, but I didn't expect this many people to know the song! A whole lot of people got it right, some of whom submitted anonymously… Tell me, anons, how am I supposed to ask you what you want me to draw if I can't reply to your reviews? :P In any case, NaTsUkO-ChAn got it almost immediately – it's Colors ~Melody and Harmony~ by Jaejoong and Yoochun of DBSK.

I think by now I'm actually going out of my way to find songs to quote. I mean, this is one that my beta Witch suggested for this story arc, so it's not so bad. I just love finding excuses to draw SasuNaru…

It feels weird updating Two Face without actually being in the process of writing on it. No, I'm not done yet – just… stuck, I guess. I have a few other projects going on, fanfiction and otherwise, and I've taken a break from Two Face because the part I'm at is bothering me. My betas and I are all still very very busy, so I'm glad I have such a big buffer of chapters to keep you guys going. :)

* * *

After the first few days, it isn't so hard to get back into a regular routine. Takeshi's voice guides me through the day – he wakes me up for breakfast, finds me at lunch, drags me to dinner with him and Shiroi; he sits with me and we do our homework together; every night he makes sure I get to bed on time and never leaves until I fall asleep. The first night I wake up a couple of times, but he's there the whole time, awake, alert, watching over me. I don't know how he does it, or why he goes to such lengths. I don't know how he gets up each morning as though he'd gotten a full night's sleep. After a while I start to feel bad that he's cutting into his own bedtime by keeping himself awake to watch something as boring as someone else sleeping, so on the fourth night I pull him into bed with me. If we end up curled together somewhere along the course of the night, it wouldn't be the first time, after sharing a bed in Vancouver, and I find that his proximity – his arms around me and the heat of his body pressed against mine – helps keep the nightmares at bay. Takeshi practically lives with me for that month: in class or out, he's always there. He watches me practice my dances; he gives me singing lessons. He's like a shadow, perpetually by my side whether or not I want him there. And, in the end, I decide I do.

With my health back on the incline, I find myself feeling less down. I throw myself into my dances with renewed energy, finding it lifts my worries, and when I have my video auditions I feel confident that I've done everything as well as I can. I keep a copy of the videos and review them with Takeshi, and though I try to stay realistic so that I won't be disappointed if I'm not accepted, his enthusiastic praise makes it so I can't help but be a little more hopeful than is wise. My dance groups, both at the school club and in my extra-curricular sessions, have great things to say too. I almost have to force myself to remember my current situation so that I don't soar too close to the sun and melt my wings off, and the criticisms I get from the dance group teacher and all my peers help keep me grounded. It's a close call, though, when I get a conditional offer – acceptance to my first choice school, plus a small scholarship, as long as I pass high school. Takeshi throws a surprise party at our dance club the next week, giving us the news that he's been accepted for a music program – full scholarship for the first year, no surprises there. Both our schools are in London, so Takeshi drags me into finding a place to live.

Although most days I do alright ignoring Sasuke – in classes, the halls, the cafeteria – every now and then something will just pop up and remind me of ever-fading memories. I'll be walking by the stairwell in the dorm building to see him coming down from the third floor and remember how he used to come wake me up in the morning. I'll be heading to the bathroom during class and remember how we used to arrange times to share a quick kiss in an abandoned hallway. Those little sparks that lit up my day have gone out, leaving me with nothing but the afterimages that I see when I shut my eyes, and those are dissolving too. It's been four months now, and honest to goodness it still hurts more than anything sometimes – but then sometimes I can even be happy around my friends and just have a good time. Sometimes the anger is just a memory, like I'd read about it in a textbook. Sometimes the sadness still hits me hard and I have to leave class early. Sometimes the love creeps up on me and all I can do is desperately want.

Takeshi and Takeshi are another anomaly entirely. They both seem quite happy in general, though not in the way they usually are. Sure, they're still goofy, but there's a more subtle contentment they both have. At first I assume it's because of the same thing, that maybe they have something they've shared, but upon further inspection it turns out they're separate entities of the same sort. Takeshi's always bright and energetic when he's around, taking my hand reassuringly in his, encouraging me to do fun things, taking me to places he knows I like, always asking me how I'm feeling. Shiroi, when I see him, hardly ever takes his eyes off Takeshi. He laughs at Takeshi's antics, smiles when Takeshi ruffles my hair. Shiroi's behaviour confuses me most of all. Who would smile when their boyfriend was showing affection towards someone else? But it seems whatever Takeshi does with me, Shiroi takes it in stride. Even the news that Takeshi's leaving for England come September won't deter his happiness – in fact, it only seems to add to it. I'm absolutely baffled, so after our final exam on the last day of June, since Takeshi's still writing his, I catch up to Shiroi in the school grounds.

"Shiroi?" I say.

"Yes?"

"Well, I…" I don't really know how to put it. "It's just, this thing with Takeshi. I mean… doesn't it bother you at all?"

"Not a bit," he replies easily.

"Why not?"

"Why should it?"

I frown. "Well, because he's your boyfriend. Don't you love him?"

"More than anything," he says with utter conviction.

"Then…"

He smiles at me. "Naruto, I'm not like Sasuke at all. Takeshi and I aren't like a lot of people. Sasuke's extreme, but even a normal person would feel jealousy, anger, or hatred. That's what you're thinking, right?"

I slowly nod. "Yeah. I just can't help but wonder if you miss being with him, or whatever."

At this he turns thoughtful. "Yeah. I do."

"I – don't think this is right," I say. "Me and Takeshi. I mean – I know it's not real, but the way he acts sometimes…"

His smile widens. "For someone with such sharp senses, there's a lot you don't see, Naruto."

"What?"

"Why do you think Takeshi acts the way he does?"

"I dunno, because I'm his friend," I shrug. "We're supposed to pretend we're going out. But I haven't really been in a state to initiate anything, so I guess he's doing it all for me."

Shiroi shakes his head. "You don't get it, Naruto. You're taking it as if it's all an act, because that's all you see it as."

"Yeah…" I say, but I'm unsure of myself now. "What do you mean?"

"Try to see it from Takeshi's perspective. Don't think about what you would do in his shoes – think about what _he_ would do. How would Takeshi react if he had the chance to be your boyfriend, even if it's only pretend?"

"He'd… jump on it," I say slowly, understanding dawning on me. "He's wanted it from the day we met."

"Yes."

"All those times he flirted with me. It was never a joke."

"Not once."

"And you're not angry?"

"Absolutely not," he smiles.

In contrast, I frown. "I don't understand."

"It's really very simple," he says. "As long as Takeshi's happy, I'm happy. All I want is for him to do what makes him happy."

It is simple. But that doesn't mean it makes sense, especially not after what I'm used to with Sasuke. "Is it easy being so selfless?" I ask, half in wonder.

"Easy? I never thought of it as something I had to struggle with. Selfless is my way of life. It's barely human, I guess, when you think about what our race is like. But it works for me. Works for Takeshi. Maybe it's what keeps us together at all."

"But you're not," I say, "together, right now. Not really. Could you spend your entire life without him?"

"If I knew he was happier that way? Definitely."

I sigh. "You're amazing."

"Thanks, Naruto." He ponders for a moment. "Do you think, maybe, you could apply the same idea yourself? I know you don't approve of Sasuke's actions, but maybe this is what he needs. If revenge is such a big part of his life, perhaps you shouldn't try to take that from him."

"Maybe. I just… miss him," I say quietly. "And I'm afraid he's going to get hurt."

Shiroi nods. "I've warned him and he says he knows, but there's not much we can do about it."

"But did he have to go about it that way? Did he have to throw me away for this? I know I'm the one who made him choose, but he did start ignoring me long before we came to that point."

"You know what they say? If you love someone, let them go. If they love you back, they will return. Sasuke's the kind of person who needs to focus entirely on one thing. And you know how sometimes he's not quite sensitive to other people's feelings."

"Yeah, but it's _me_." I say it like it should be obvious, but since logic seems to have been thrown out the window by now, I'm not so sure anymore. "I don't know. I just… I only wonder if he's truly happy getting revenge. Putting Itachi in prison won't bring his parents back. It'll bring him peace of mind, maybe, but is that happiness?"

"Better than unhappiness. Sasuke needs that satisfaction to move on. If he's stuck in the past forever, he'll never really be happy. That's the kind of person he is."

"Do you think…" I hardly dare to ask. "Do you think, if he gets his revenge, he'll come back to me?"

"Only if you let him," says Shiroi.

—

When Takeshi finishes his exam, the three of us go out for dinner to celebrate. Takeshi happily holds my hand the whole time, and I begin to see what Shiroi was talking about – Takeshi finds contentment in trying to make me happy. Now that I'm paying attention, I can sense his mood improve when I ruffle his hair, when I laugh at his jokes, when I squeeze his hand in return. But I'm also watching Shiroi carefully. I completely believe that Shiroi meant it when he said he didn't feel any sort of jealousy, but I still think there's a loneliness he's covering up. So when we get back to the grounds, I decide to talk to them. We all sit down on a bench, then I turn to Takeshi.

"Takeshi?"

Takeshi frowns at my tone of voice. "Y…yeah?"

"I… want to thank you," I say, taking his hands. "For everything you've done for me these past months. I would never have made it this far without you. You're amazing."

"Thanks," he says a little doubtfully, because he can tell there's more to it.

Shiroi shoots me a warning look over Takeshi's shoulder, but I ignore him. Actually, I think his expression spurs me on. I look Takeshi in the eye. "I want you to go back to Shiroi."

"But—" Takeshi stares at me, then turns to face Shiroi, as though to reassure himself this wasn't Shiroi's idea. He turns back. "But Naruto, haven't you – I mean…"

"I know how you feel about me," I say quietly. I can see the pain in his eyes – I can see now just how much Takeshi cares about me. How much he's done for me. The look he's giving me makes it so, so hard to do this, but I know I've got to. I know it's better for him in the end. "I guess I was just too blind to see it until Shiroi told me. But you know I'll never really get over Sasuke."

"You don't have to," he says, clutching my hands tightly. "I mean, I do like you a lot, Naruto – I love you in a lot of ways – but Shiroi will always be first. It's the same thing, isn't it?"

I nod, and gently extract my hands from his grip. "That's why you should go back to him. Because he's sacrificed so much just to make you happy, and I think he of all people deserves to be selfish sometimes."

Takeshi slowly turns to look at Shiroi, who's watching with disbelief. Eventually Shiroi manages to say, "Well, in the end, it's up to you."

"What, you're making _me_ do all the work?" he exclaims, mock-indignant. We all laugh. He goes on, "Seriously, though. I mean… I don't know! It's not the kind of thing people have practice choosing." He looks genuinely torn.

"It's not supposed to be a difficult choice," I say gently. I pull him into a hug, holding him tightly, and his arms wrap around me as though for dear life. But I just comb my fingers through his hair once – a call back to all the comfort he's given me – and murmur into his ear, "Thanks, Takeshi." Then I pull away from him, stand, and head back to the dorm buildings.

"Naruto!" Takeshi calls after me, but I ignore him. In another situation, I could have loved Takeshi back. In fact, I already do. But if I know one thing, it's loyalty, even if it's to someone who hurt me as badly as Sasuke did. Maybe he'll come back to me. Maybe I'll be single forever. Maybe, with enough time, I really will move on. But here, now, being with Takeshi is not an option. And as I hear a distant, shouted "Thank you!", I feel a smile on my face that tells me the right thing to do is to walk away.

* * *

Shiroi's been long overdue for some character development. Hope you enjoyed. :)

Because A) I have a ton of things to draw for people for Christmas and B) NaTsUkO-ChAn hasn't yet told me what I should draw for the SasuNaru pic, there won't be any prizes for guessing this week's title reference. You can still guess though, if you like.

By the way, I wrote and posted a sequel to Gotcha Stuck In My Elevator, if anyone's interested in reading it.

R+F

P.S. The character popularity poll is still up, so if you haven't already voted go do so! I'm considering doing what they do in Shonen Jump and doing a drawing with them all according to their rankings… but there aren't exactly a million votes and that would just add to the crazy amounts of art I've got to do. So it's quite low priority. Also I've never drawn most of the OCs before. Actually, I may not have drawn most of them before besides Sasuke and Naruto… xD


	106. Walk Away Blue

And I'm back in time for a Saturday and Christmas update! Wow. Er, it's nothing special… but an update is an update. Actually I forgot about it until just now, although to be fair I got back from Egypt sometime in the afternoon. It was great there! I got so used to the warmth… xD

There are actually three chapters I've titled "Walk Away," each featuring a different colour. I found it was quite a useful motif, but since they're three separate events they each merit their own chapter.

I noticed that Blue is getting more votes than I'd expected in the popularity poll. I find it interesting, considering this chapter… I think I'm getting into risky territory here. Keep in mind that the title is Walk Away.

* * *

Like my first year at Konoha High, this year when summer rolls around I sit and watch everyone pack up and leave. I certainly won't be living with Sasuke this summer, and school is the only other place that comes close to being home for me. It's my last year, anyway, so I'll be saying goodbye to all the teachers and staff. I'm sure I'll be visiting again sometime. But it's strange, the idea of moving away from the place I've lived since I was born. The school's been able to house me for this long, but it is, after all, first and foremost a school. Maybe that's why I never really saw it as home.

When I move to England, will I be able to call that home? Will it really be the place where I take refuge? When it comes to that, what is a home? I felt at home with Sasuke at his house. I felt at home when we were together in the same dorm room. Now that I don't have Sasuke anymore, will I feel like an anchorless wanderer forever?

I sit on a bench by the path in the grounds and watch people leave for the next few days. Many of them come to say goodbye to me: people from my drama class, members of the hip hop club, those who were at the GSA meeting. There are my friends, like Sai and Kiba and Sakura-chan, who I talk with for hours and who make sure I'll keep in touch over the summer and beyond. Then there are people I've only met once, like Shibuya Riku who asked Sasuke out the night of our first date, or the girls who saw Sasuke kiss me on the train and made it sound like we'd been making out. I'm surprised at how many people I know – or rather, how many people actually talk to me. Back in the first year no one would have even looked at me, unless it was to glare. Now they come up to me to chat, and I'm hearing snippets of my year, memories I'd nearly lost: "Remember when you got everyone in the acting room to pretend we were rocks rolling down a hill?" "Thanks for standing up for me when that girl tripped me 'cause I'm a lesbian!" "Make sure to check for innocent bystanders next time you're teaching someone that jump kick move, alright?" And even from the people I didn't talk to as much, people I only recognize by sight, and people I've never even seen before: "Good luck in England!" "Have a good summer!" "Keep up the awesome dancing!"

Of course, I get the odd insult too. One guy who's known to be quite well-off sneers at me for having no proper home; a girl calls me a monster and says I'll never find a place in society. I find I can brush off these things easily now – surrounded by people who say positive things, these offhand, unfounded words mean nothing to me. Not when I've heard so many of them before and proved them all wrong. Truth is a powerful tool when you can get your hands on it.

Yukio leaves on the last day. He comes down the path from the dorm buildings with his luggage wheeling along behind, and looks surprised to see me sitting there like I've got nowhere else to be. "Hey, Uzumaki. Shouldn't you be packing?"

"I'm not going anywhere for a while yet," I reply. "Konoha High is where I've lived since I could remember."

His eyes widen. "Really? I mean, I'd heard you never knew your parents, but I figured you lived in an orphanage or something. One of my buds did until he could move in with his girlfriend last year." He sets his luggage upright. "Uh, can I sit?"

I move over. "Yeah, sure."

He does so, and we stay there in silence for a while. I don't know if I could ever call Yukio a friend, but he certainly has tried to redeem himself. I guess there's more than just friends and enemies in this world. I'd like to know where we stand, but maybe Yukio's one of those people you only ever kind of know, even if things happen between you.

"So I heard you're going overseas," he begins. "For dance?"

"Yeah. I got my unconditional offer yesterday after I sent them my high school certificate."

"Neat. Heard it rains a lot in England."

I scowl. "Just my luck, isn't it? What about you, then?"

"Gonna work for a year or two at least. I don't think I'm cut out for higher education, really. I still don't really have a direction in life, or whatever they say."

"You'll find it," I say. "I'm sure you will."

He nods, then hesitates. "Uh… I know it's kinda old news by now, but… I heard about you and Uchiha."

"Yeah." I wait for him to continue.

"How are you holding up? You guys were so… I dunno. People just look at you two and think, 'That's real love.' Y'know what I mean?"

That makes me smile. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Are you – I mean, are you okay with it? Not to pry or anything. It's just… You wonder what went wrong."

"Am I okay with it? I don't really know. I'm a lot better now than I was when it happened, but… it still hurts sometimes. I haven't moved on, if that's what you're asking. I still miss him. I still love him."

To my relief, he doesn't try to ask what happened. I still can't talk about it – especially not to someone I don't know very well. The wound's still raw. I suppose it'll scar, if it heals enough.

"Naruto?"

I look up. It's Blue. These days when I see him, the intense loathing is mostly a controlled thought rather than a pure emotion, like music that's been written down instead of being heard. I marvel at how even the people in my life whom I've despised so much no longer make me react that way. Kyuubi. Yukio. Blue. Sasuke. Hatred's not an emotion that endures.

"Well, I might see you around," says Yukio, standing. I don't miss the slight frown when he glances at Blue. "If not, well, it was nice knowing ya. Really, it was."

I smile. "Yeah."

"By the way," he goes on, "I've been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now."

My smile turns into a grin. "Congrats. Have a good summer, yeah?"

"Yeah. You too."

I watch Yukio go, then turn back to Blue, who's still there, watching me. He still wears just as much blue as he did the first day I saw him. His hair's the same vivid cyan. The only difference is that it's long enough to fall downwards now, though still fairly short. He smiles at me the same way as he always has, and leans on his luggage, accentuating curves guys shouldn't have.

"You look lonely, babe," he says. "Wanna come to my place for the night?"

I'm surprised at the fact that my first instinct isn't to be repulsed by him, considering the large number of unpleasant memories I've collected over the year. Instead I just feel the mild twinge of discomfort I always get at being asked out nowadays. It's happened a couple of times, even though I've been pretending I was with Takeshi. When I was with Sasuke, I felt confident knowing I didn't have or want the choice of saying yes, but now that I'm alone, the fact that it's an option at all is daunting.

"You're not being serious, are you?" I ask tentatively.

"Only if you want me to be," he answers with a bat of his eyelashes, which I only now notice are the colour of wheat. "You're single again, right?"

"I've been single since I broke up with Sasuke," I reply. "The thing with Takeshi was an act."

"Oh, the jealousy card? Vindictive and manipulative. I like that."

"Yeah, well, I don't know if it had any effect at all. Who knows what Sasuke's thinking nowadays? Not me." I didn't see him leave, and I'm glad. I wouldn't have been able to handle it.

"Well, if your goal was to get Sasuke back, I guess it didn't work, did it?"

"No, it didn't." I sigh. "Look, you don't get on my nerves as much as you used to, but if you keep going on about it I might have to change my mind about that." Sometimes I surprise myself with the lengths I go to in order to be on good terms with some people.

He smiles easily. "Sorry. You sure you don't want to spend the night at mine? It might help distract you."

I frown, glancing away. Why am I even considering it? Is it just because I haven't felt the warmth of another body in four months? Is it that I'm tired of having to be alone just because I can't have Sasuke? Would it really be wrong to take up Blue's offer? Blue's the kind of guy who wouldn't care if I loved him or hated him. It's all physical to him, isn't it? Is it worth pretending to myself that being with him means something, knowing it doesn't at all?

"No isn't your absolute answer," he observes.

"I don't want to want it," I reply.

"One night stands aren't always a bad thing. You can't hold on forever to something that's long gone. Set your ghosts free," says Blue. "Set yourself free. You're like a restless spirit. Once you find something else worth living for, you'll be able to move on. Aren't you tired of being single but not available?"

"Being in a relationship isn't the only thing in life. If it is, you're not doing so great," I say, a bit meanly.

But Blue isn't offended by this. "I'm not asking for commitment," he says, his tone honest. "I'm not even asking for friendship. You don't have to give me anything. When I fell out of my last relationship, I didn't want healing. You know the state you're in right now? I was stuck in that for four years. Trust me, you don't want it to stay that long."

I nod glumly. If I had to live with this four years, I might go crazy and jump off a building or something. "But you're out of it now," I say. Despite myself, I'm curious.

"I am. I had to do something stupid, but it freed me. To obtain freedom, you've got to face a few challenges. I was fed up with how I was feeling, like I was tied to something invisible. You know, I still love her," he says. "But that doesn't stop me from living my life my own way and being myself. As long as you're true to yourself and you retain your self-respect, you can do anything. There are things people won't do because it means betraying themselves. Know your limits and stick to them, but don't restrain yourself from other things. If your limits mean you won't sleep with me, that's how it is. If your limits mean no one you date will ever compare to your love for Sasuke, you stick to that. But be aware that sometimes limits change. So ask yourself, what are your limits, and what will you allow yourself?"

I look at him, and I ask myself. What are my limits, then? Am I above getting into another relationship? Maybe right now, but that can't go on forever. Not when I know real love. Am I above getting intimate with someone I don't consider a friend, someone I don't love? The answer is almost certainly no, but I get stuck at the "almost." If Blue doesn't expect anything of me, can I allow myself this? I know lots of people go to the club to have a good time, to maybe dance with a couple of people or get physically close, and it doesn't mean anything at the end of the night. To many people, physical interaction is another form of harmless fun. I used to make out with random girls two years ago, and now that I'm not in a relationship it shouldn't matter if I do similar things again. Would I be betraying Sasuke by flirting with someone else? No. But…

Would I be betraying myself?

"How about this," he says, and pulls out a paper and pen from his bag. He scribbles something, then hands the page to me. "Here's my cell number. If you decide you want to try something new, call me. If not, then have a good summer." He smiles. "Sorry I made your year miserable. Tell me if I can make it up to you, alright?"

And before I can say another word, he's gone.

—

I don't call Blue that day. I don't call him for the next week. I think about it for a little while, then, to be honest, I completely forget. Being alone – entirely alone, without Sasuke, without Takeshi, without any of my friends or peers – is surprisingly liberating. Everyone's busy for the first couple of days, so I don't have contact with anyone. The silence is a little unnerving at first after so long, but then I begin to cherish my time just lounging around on the grounds or going into town on my own. When I do get a call from Takeshi asking to arrange a time to hang out, I tell him and Shiroi that I want to take a couple of days off. It turns out Takeshi has a part-time summer job and won't be available for a few days anyway, so we agree to sort it out afterwards. I don't want to think about the future right now. I don't want to have plans nagging in the back of my mind; I don't want to consider anything at all. I catch a bus to the beach for a couple of days, finding an old couple who run a bed and breakfast where I can stay the night, and simply live. It's a call back to the old days when I'd always have an hour or so of alone time every day, when I'd shut off my cellphone and computer and be with no one but myself.

Of course, that doesn't work out quite so well nowadays with Kyuubi around. Thankfully I manage to convince him to leave me alone for those two days, telling him he can nag me all the rest of the summer if he wants so long as he gives me just this time, so he seems to go into a sort of dormant mode and I'm utterly on my own. And it's bliss. Because I'm here during the week, there are fewer other people about and I can have a nice long stretch of beach to myself. At one point in the afternoon I sit in the dry sand and watch the tide go out for nearly two hours. I just sit, and I don't think. Then I go out in the middle of the night to take a walk along the shore, warm water lapping at my bare feet as I wander under the moonlight, flip flops in hand. When I do return to the bed and breakfast, I sleep for nearly twelve hours, then wake up sometime in the middle of the afternoon and head home. I let life happen without meaning, time without importance. It brings a sense of calm that's difficult to come by anymore. But it leaves me refreshed when I return to the school, and I bring back a little cup filled with sand to put on my desk, as if it's got the calm in it and I can find it again when I need to. And, in a way, it does work – I find myself less stressed, distraught, or generally negative than I've been in months, and whenever worries start to creep up on me, I just look to the sand, feel it between my fingers, and remember my vacation, and it clears my mind so that I can tackle the problem without getting too strung out about it.

I find Blue's number again a couple of days later, buried in the pocket of the pants I wore that day. Immediately my fingers seek the soft sand. I take a pinch, roll it between my fingertips, watch it spill back into the cup before taking another pinch. I let the action soothe me. Then I pick up my phone.

"Hello?"

"B—uh, Katsumi? It's Naruto."

"Naruto!" His tone immediately perks up. "What's up?"

I'd expected him to make some comment about how I'd finally decided to take him up on his offer, but he says no such thing. And I think I'm glad for it – follower though I am, I've become more confident in leading since Sasuke and I started switching in bed, and having that control is putting me at ease right now. So I initiate the invitation by asking, "You busy tonight?"

"Nope," he says, still giving me the floor.

"Um… alright, well, what do you say to meeting me at the Stoneheads at ten?"

"Perfect," says Blue. "Any particular plans in mind, or will we just wing it?"

"Wing it, I'd say."

"Awesome. See you then!"

"Yeah. Bye."

Almost as soon as I hang up, I start to doubt myself. I dig my fingers around in the sand for a while, spill it onto my desk and scoop it back into the cup, but it suddenly ceases to be helpful. Through the afternoon and all of dinner, I think about it, turning it over in my mind, weighing the idea, unsure of whether I should back out, never finding an answer I can settle for. By quarter to ten I'm bordering on running late and I'm still sitting around in my shorts wondering what to do. I haven't been to the Stoneheads since the day Takeshi and I pretended to dance together while Sasuke watched.

"Kyuubi?" I say tentatively.

"_What, you actually _want_ to talk to me? Must be the apocalypse,"_ he mutters.

"I need a second opinion, and you're the only one around. Should I go?"

"_Dunno. Is it 'within your limits?' "_

"Piss off," I snap. "Yes or no?"

I get the sensation of him rolling his eyes. _"If you're so unsure of yourself, how can you build up the courage to go? You'll be spending all night questioning, and chances are you won't have fun that way. To be honest, though, I'd like to see you stop pining over the Uchiha brat. Can't you see he won't be coming back?"_

"As long as I can hope, I'll keep hoping," I say, though rather noncommittally. "You just gave me two answers at once. Can't you just pick one?"

"_No, then. Geez, learn to make your own decisions."_

I stare at the ceiling of my room for a while longer, then sit up. "I'm going."

"_What? Then why'd you ask?"_ he grumbles. _"When I said learn to make your own decisions, I didn't mean automatically contradict anything someone suggests. Or is it just because it's me?"_

I'm not listening anymore. I'm pulling on my favourite outfit, finding my confidence growing as I get into clothes I feel good in. I do a double check of my possessions and head out, locking the door behind me.

"_Unless you fall in love with Blue, you know I'll be nagging you all night long,"_ says Kyuubi.

"Just don't put me off dancing and I think we'll be fine," I reply.

"_I won't need to put you off dancing. Your dance school will probably do that for you, once you realize how little experience you have."_

"I already know how little experience I have. You know, Sai was talking about something called drawing miles, for his art. The more you've practiced, the more miles you have. Just 'cause you have fewer miles doesn't mean you're worse than someone with more – it just means you need to work more to catch up. And if they don't keep their game up, you can surpass them. That's what I'm going to do."

"_And you think going into a club is gonna help you out?"_

I'm spared answering by the arrival of my bus. Kyuubi grumbles for a little longer, then shuts up. If I ever told him how grateful I am that he gets tired of talking to himself, he'd probably use it to his advantage and I'd go insane.

Blue's already waiting by the time I arrive at a quarter past ten. He smiles, a hint of his seductive touch apparent. I haven't yet let down my guard, so it still comes off as a little annoying, but I do appreciate that he's toned it down.

"I was starting to think you'd backed out," he says, "and I didn't call you."

He doesn't say it like he'd forgotten; instead it's as though he consciously made the decision not to try to contact me, even though he must have my number from when I called him. It really does feel like he's giving me all the freedom I need. No commitments. Isn't that how the Stoneheads is supposed to be? There are no consequences. This is a world of one-night stand situations.

"I can't wait to get close to _that_ hot bod," he offers as his compliment. That at least is something I expected, although he doesn't attempt to get physically close just yet. "Well, shall we?"

I follow him inside, where the music blares so loud I can barely hear anyone. Sometimes when I come here I make a beeline for the bar, but today I want to keep my head clear. If I impair my judgement and lower my inhibitions, there's no telling what shit I'll get myself into.

As Blue delves deeper into the crowd, finding his way to the dance floor and moving to the music, I watch him. He seems to know a lot of people here; it's as though every other second he's offering a "Hey, babe," or a "Lookin' good, sexy," and to my surprise he seems to generally get an alright reception. It baffles me. Sometimes I wonder if he's even human, somehow.

A hand reaches into his path and slides across his chest, stopping him. The hand is followed by a slim, pale, bare arm, which is attached to a tall girl in a fiery red strapless dress that's so see-through she's just short of being considered naked. She flashes a smile at Blue.

"Hey, Katsumi-kun," she murmurs, her voice low and seductive. "You just got here?"

"Yeah. Sorry, Yuna-chan, I'm booked tonight," he says easily, intercepting what was obviously about to become an invitation to dance – or more.

She looks genuinely surprised at this. "What, you're actually _with_ someone? Alert the media!"

Blue laughs. "Don't get so excited. It's nothing that dramatic. Tonight's on Naru-chan's terms." He glances at me with a reassuring smile, which throws me off.

"I'd prefer just Naruto," I reply, since it's the only thing I can think of to say.

He nods. "Alright. Naruto, then. Well, I'll catch ya later, Yuna-chan."

"Have a good time, loverboy," she calls. I turn to follow him as he heads off again and get a slap on the ass. I jump and whip around, but she's gone – all I can hear is her laughter.

"Naruto?" I turn around again to see Blue. He says, "Yuna-chan's always like that. And she's a voracious cougar; pretty much anyone younger than her is a target. Don't let it get to you."

"I'd rather strangers didn't grope me," I mutter. "You know, it's weird. I'm not into girls at all anymore. I could see her thong and it just… did nothing." And she wasn't even wearing a bra.

"These things change," he says. "I'm not picky; humans are humans. Come on, then."

We've reached the dance floor; Blue is dancing by now, swaying his hips, and I find myself drawn to his movements. I don't think I've ever seen him dance properly before. Not that dancing at a club is performance-level stuff, and maybe he's just trying to impress, knowing that this is what I'm going to specialize in – but he has this fluid way of moving that accentuates all the sensual points of his body. His entire being just screams "I'm amazing in bed." And I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he were.

He holds out his hands to me. "Don't just stand there," he smiles. "You know the drill."

I start out awkwardly; it's always a little odd starting a dance halfway through the song or when everyone else is already moving, but soon enough the moment passes. Club dancing sober isn't usually as fun, but I know I'll do something I'll regret if I drink. So I rein in my habits, keep myself aware, and watch Blue's movements.

When I remove my personal bias against him and towards Sasuke, I have to admit that when he dances, Blue is the definition of sex on legs. I can't help but think about how all he ever seems to do is check people out, how it seems like the only thing that's ever on his mind is sex. Still, it is alluring in its own way. I can barely remember how I'm supposed to be cautious, how I should be figuring out whether or not this is right. All I can feel is the heat of the people around me dancing, of Blue getting closer, of his eyes raking me; I can feel his hands ghosting at my hips – I can feel myself responding gradually to the tantalizing lure of another body so close. It's been so long since I've felt anything like this, being near a body for the sake of it. Of course I've been near Takeshi, but never with the intention of actually getting intimate. Now I can feel a hand resting conspicuously at my side, and already my nerves are alight with anticipation.

Never having been this close to him, I haven't really bothered to notice, but he's almost exactly the same height as me. His cheekbones are high, his eyes bright and clear, and he's got the longest, finest lashes I've ever seen on a guy. In all honesty… he's beautiful.

"Why is it," I ask, "that you have an entirely Japanese name, but blue eyes?"

He smiles, like he appreciates the fact that I'm asking something about him. It's a stunning change – maybe he is human after all. He says, "My parents are from Germany and came here after they got married. Genetically I'm entirely European. How my dad got the Japanese surname is a long story."

"Do you speak German?" I ask, legitimately interested.

"Nah, my parents never taught me. I don't like the sound of it much anyway, so no loss. Your English is damn fine, though," he says. "English isn't so bad in terms of sound."

"It's alright," I agree, then flinch slightly as his hand slips down towards my ass. I raise an eyebrow at him, but honestly I'm not that bothered. Now that I'm here my reactive tendencies are starting to kick in and I figure I'm not gonna be the one putting the moves on, so I let him slide his hands around to my front, then up my chest and around my neck, bringing our faces close together. His ice-blue eyes are hooded, watching mine. I can't read them nearly as well as I can Sasuke's. They're not the same – the colour, the shape, all the little details are different. But it's not hard to see desire in anyone, really.

"I wanna feel you move, babe," he murmurs, and I feel his pelvis press ever so lightly against my own. In the same moment the movement of his mouth draws my eyes to his thin lips. I lick mine out of reflex, leaving my mouth slightly open. His hips touch mine again. His head moves forward, tilts slightly to the side…

It doesn't feel right, exactly, but I'm not getting any flashing warning lights, so I let myself close the distance. Instantly I feel my nerves go electric with sensation, my hormones shooting off everywhere: Blue moves his lips like he's already making love. Everything he does, every aspect of his body, mentality, and personality is aimed towards seduction, and the most surprising thing about it is that it works like a charm. He tangles his tongue with mine and he tastes like that addictive heat and musk; he slides into my mouth like he's getting into my pants. His hands have found their way under my shirt and are dancing along my skin. And when he moans into my mouth, I nearly melt.

I'm making out with a fucking sex god. There's nothing but lust – Blue may be superficial, but what he knows he knows like no other. I can't say I have a ton of experience, but I've experimented enough, and besides that I'm completely certain Sasuke's the best at turning me on. But Blue – I used to despise him and already I'm hard. I feel the curve of his back under my hand, his stomach pressed against mine, and I'm so ready to fuck him I can't even dance anymore. I tear away, and when he looks into my eyes he can tell.

"To my place, then?" He licks his lips. I have to stop myself from coming where I stand.

—

Blue lives in a small apartment with his older sister. "I got kicked out of the house," he explains, "so she lets me stay here during holidays. Why my parents still pay to put me in boarding schools is beyond me, but I'm not complaining. Anyway, my sis is out 'til tomorrow night, so we've got the place to ourselves."

He leads me down a hall into his room, a small, plain square with a bed (in blue sheets of course) and a desk. He closes the door behind us, then reaches over to a small speaker system and turns it on. Dance music begins to play. He smiles and offers me a hand, and before long we're moving again, more urgently and explicitly now that we're in private. His hands are roaming all over, not pausing to wait for my permission, but I'm too needy to care. In fact, I want it; I'm content to just let him pamper me. And oh, does he ever: it seems that as soon as he touches a certain place, he knows just how to coax maximum pleasure from it. His tongue plays against my pulse, his thumbs circle around my hard nipples, his lips press into every sensitive spot, making my skin tingle, sending shivers down my spine. I don't know when I lost my shirt. I lean back against the wall, close my eyes, and let him kiss me, lick me, bite me. His mouth slowly works its way down my torso as his hands caress my back. I thread my fingers into his hair, then my eyes snap open, because I was expecting it to be longer, coarser.

"Fuck," I mutter.

He looks up from his level at around my navel. "What's up?"

I shake my head. "Nothing. Don't stop."

He looks a little doubtful, but heeds my words. His hair is still uncomfortably short and fine against my hand, but already I'm imagining it black, imagining his eyes dark, his skin pale, his figure angular and subtle. I'm imagining I know the way his tongue moves, the shape of his teeth as he pulls down my fly, the gentleness of his fingers as he slips my boxers down far enough to release my erection, the pucker of his lips as he lands the lightest of butterfly kisses to the head. The details are all wrong, but I can't stop thinking he's Sasuke.

"Relax," murmurs Blue, and my mind warps his voice. "You're tense, Naruto."

I bite my lip and release my muscles. It's Sasuke's lips sliding around the bulb of my member, Sasuke's tongue pushing up on the thick vein on the underside, Sasuke's voice uttering an absolutely sexy moan as I leak precome as if I'm already at my climax. The hands that grip my sides, the jaws that nip at oversensitive skin – I want Sasuke, I want him here sucking me off, I want him to be the one unflinchingly lifting my shaft up and sucking one of my balls into his mouth. I groan as his lips tug on the sensitive sac. He doesn't give it a rest until the pleasure becomes too much to bear, then he switches to the other side and it all starts again. I can already feel myself nearing the end.

I barely register the crinkling of some sort of wrapper before something wet is pressed against the head of my cock. Lips and teeth push forward until I can feel my member hit the back of his throat. He swallows, and I shudder as the pressure amplifies. Then he pulls away, leaving a latex condom on my erection.

"Figured you'd prefer it clean," he says between kisses up my body. Out of the corner of my eye I spot his clothes in a pile on the floor. "I mean, I'm not infected or anything. Just precautions."

I can't be bothered to listen. I vaguely register a sense of safety, then I'm grabbing his shoulders and pushing his chest against the wall. I put a hand on his back and press him down to bend over, and he gladly obliges, spine curving, hands splayed against the wall like he's hanging on for dear life.

"Shit," he groans, and suddenly his voice is lower, more needy. I shiver with anticipation, and he notices. Dirty talk, moans, groans – anything vocal. It never fails to turn me on. He hoods his eyes and murmurs, "Mmh… Fuck me hard, Naruto… I don't think I can wait…"

I align the head of my member with his entrance. I'm far too impatient to prepare him, and he's probably done this hundreds of times anyway. I lean over him, my lips brushing his ear.

"Naruto," he moans. "You're so fucking hot…"

I take a deep breath. My whole body is tense; my heart is thudding, making my cock pulse, my head throb. I can feel sweat trickling from my hair.

"Please," he whispers.

I take a step back, then stumble backwards onto the bed, barely catching myself. My pulse is off like a drum roll.

"I can't do this," I breathe.

Blue doesn't move for a moment. Then he straightens up, still facing the wall.

"I'm sorry." Why am I apologizing? "I can't."

Slowly he turns around. There's no disappointment in his face, just a sort of weary acceptance. "It's alright. I'm surprised it got this far, to be honest."

"It – I'm not saying it shouldn't have," I say. "But if I go any farther, I'm going to regret it."

He nods. "Don't do something you'll regret. Do you want to sleep here tonight? I'll take the couch."

Blue bends down to pick up his underwear, pulling them on. Not that it helps much to cover his hard-on, but it does make me feel a bit better. I go to grab my own clothes.

"I think I should go home," I say. "I just – can I borrow your shower?"

"Yeah. It's across the hall." He walks around to the far side of the bed and sits down, not looking at me. I can't tell what he's thinking. Not by his tone of voice, nor his actions, nor his posture. It's like he's a robot.

With a cold shower I calm my body down quickly enough. I use one of the towels to dry off, then get dressed and leave the bathroom to see Blue sitting in the living room with his clothes on and his erection gone. His hair's a little messy, but besides that there's no hint that he's been through anything tonight. He gives me an easy smile when I come out.

"Well, it was nice while it lasted," he says, almost too conversationally. "And it's good that you had the courage to try something new. Did it help at all?"

I consider. "I guess it must have," I reply finally, glad my own voice is neutral and casual. "At least now I know what I can let myself do."

"Yeah." He stands up and shows me to the door. I put on my shoes and make sure I've got all my stuff, then turn back to him.

"I have to admit," I say, "from tonight I'm guessing you're a fucking sex god."

He laughs. "It's not the first time I've heard that. But it's not a sex god you want, is it?"

I shake my head. "No."

"It's Sasuke."

I nod.

"Can you get him back?"

"I don't know. I don't suppose I've really tried."

"Maybe you should consider it," he suggests. "If not, you'll never get any for the rest of your life."

I laugh at this. "That's true, isn't it? Well, we'll see. Things might just turn around."

"They just might." Blue smiles. "You're not someone I'll forget, Naruto."

"I could say the same about you, but then you're only the second person who's ever blown me off."

"I'm honoured," he laughs.

I glance at the clock on the wall – it's nearly three in the morning. "I should get going," I say. "I'll, uh… see you around, maybe."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Do well in your dance program, alright? I bet you'll be famous."

I smile. "I bet."

I open the door and step out, then turn back to look at him once more. This person who, without having done anything, has been so monumental in a single year of my life. In and out like a one night stand.

He looks at me like he has something to say – like he's human. Then he leans forward and kisses me deeply. When he pulls back, he gives me a final, absolutely normal smile, then closes the door. I stand stunned for a moment, then shake my head, turn around, and walk away.

* * *

No flames, please? -cowers-

Two Face is getting so close to the end! I'm actually stalling writing because I don't want it to end, and I'm going into something like pre-emptive withdrawal. I might rewrite it out of desperation xD Actually I was considering reworking it into an original fiction, but it'd take quite a bit of changing. It'd also have to be a whole lot better. Ah, well. We'll see.

R+F


	107. Walk Away Black

Oh hey, would you look at that – my first ever flame. Thank you, "friendly neighbour," for the unfounded name-calling and erroneous accusations. The summary of Two Face may not say there's slash, but the warning at the beginning certainly does. And I have never, ever once in my entire life said anything I've written is "the greatest story ever." I have a big ego, but I'm also realistic and have low self-esteem and know my faults. Honestly, I'm laughing at your immaturity. I could report your review, but I'm not offended enough.

To everyone else, enjoy the chapter.

* * *

"You did WHAT?"

I hide the fact that I'm rolling my eyes by covering my face with my hand. Takeshi tackles me down on his sofa and tries to pull my hand away. Apparently the words "I met Blue at the Stoneheads last night" implies much more than just a dance.

"Naruto! You're the one who warned me and Shiroi about Blue! Now you've gone and – and – well, what _did_ you do? How far did it get?"

I abruptly cease struggling, resulting in Takeshi smacking himself in the face with my hand. He scowls at me, but doesn't let up. I sigh.

"He… gave me a blowjob," I mutter.

Takeshi stares.

"That's all. I was gonna top, he stuck a condom on me and everything—"

"What, has he got an STI? Naruto, you can't just—"

"No! At least he said he didn't have anything, and that's not something you lie about. But I chickened out. I couldn't do it."

"Thank god." He flops back, lying the other way on the sofa, his legs still tangled with mine. "If you'd gone and slept with that whore—"

"You and Shiroi were the ones who were going to sleep with him last year," I retort.

"We weren't gonna sleep with him! Just play around a little. But he went too far with us. Obviously he didn't with you," he adds, and it almost sounds like an accusation, like there was no "too far" for me.

"I don't need you lecturing me," I snap. "I knew what I was doing. I didn't drink at all."

"So your judgement is just impaired as fuck to begin with."

"No, it's not!" I untangle my feet from his and get off the couch, heading to the kitchen for a glass of water, wondering when the hell Shiroi's gonna get here. We're having a sleepover tonight, but Takeshi noticed the marks on my neck right away because I forgot Sasuke usually gives me his scarf when I get hickeys.

"How desperate were you, anyway?" he says, following me into the kitchen. "To get with Blue of all people, when you probably coulda had any guy in the club."

"Ha. Yeah, right." I grab a glass and fill it from the tap.

"Okay, maybe half. But I'm serious, there are so many other choices. Why Blue? And what about…" He stops himself, but I know what he was going to say.

I take a long swig of water before saying curtly, "Sasuke and I broke up. I'm not going to give up sex for the rest of my life just because he's the first and only person I've ever done it with."

"But you couldn't do it," Takeshi says. "Because you still want him back."

"What I want has nothing to do with it!" I slam my glass on the table, splashing water onto the counter and floor. I let go so that it doesn't break under my grip. "Sasuke isn't about to come back. All things considered, by now he's probably lying in an alley with a bullet in his head."

"He's not," says Shiroi's voice, followed by the sound of the front door closing. I pour the rest of the water back into the sink and return to the living room. Shiroi's taking his shoes off. "I talked to him on the phone just this morning. He sounded tired, but last week I went to his place and he's alive and kicking."

"Shir!" Takeshi exclaims, running over to jump on his boyfriend. "You'll never guess what Naruto did!"

The tone of Takeshi's voice gives Shiroi pause. He looks at me cautiously. I cross my arms. I won't apologize for what I did.

"Blue asked me on a night at the club," I say. "Last night I went to his place and he sucked me off, and then I went home."

"You let him?" Shiroi asks, sounding surprised. But he doesn't sound nearly as reprimanding as Takeshi, which I'm glad about. I flop back into Takeshi's bean bag chair.

"Have you _seen_ the way he moves? I nearly came when he kissed me. He's that seductive."

Shiroi nods, leading Takeshi to the couch so they can sit down. "I definitely remember that about him. I'm just surprised you took him up on the offer considering how much he fucked up your year, and how much you frowned upon his morals."

"I didn't think there was anything wrong with some playing around," I say. "It's just that he made it sound like relationships were nothing to him, and he slept with anyone he could get into bed with."

"You coulda gotten into bed with tons of better people than Blue," Takeshi retorts. "Just 'cause he asked you doesn't mean he's the best choice."

"I never got into bed with him, I told you already."

"That's not the point! You were going to, and—"

"Guys," says Shiroi in a raised, calm voice, "let's not argue about it. Takeshi, it's already happened and no harm came of it, so don't worry so much. Naruto, it sounds like you acted responsibly enough, but it does seem like you went against your own ideals last night. I have to admit you are coming off as a bit hypocritical."

I frown and stuff my hands in my pockets. Shiroi's right, but I still stand by what I did. Maybe it wasn't the best, safest, most righteous course, but I enjoyed it, and like Shiroi said, nothing bad happened. But Takeshi keeps making a big deal out of it. He's leaning against Shiroi now, still looking angry.

Shiroi sighs and ruffles Takeshi's hair. "Come on, you two. Let's go to the market or something, alright?"

—

It's a beautiful day, and with Shiroi's help we manage to more or less forget the argument. At least neither of us is willing to bring it up again. Shiroi pits us against each other at the Dance Dance Revolution machine, making us interact in a competitive way and ultimately burning off our excess resentment. By the end we're laughing and sharing high fives and mocking each other for the steps we've missed, but all in jest. I'm glad, because being in a state of argument with Takeshi just doesn't seem right. I can handle a good debate with him, but now that it's gotten personal it has nothing to do with the topic and everything to do with my feelings, and I'm unable to erase any bias I might have.

The name twins have always been masters of distraction, but once we've been around town and come back home and made dinner together and watched a hilarious movie and finally settled down to sleep at some ungodly hour in the morning, my mind returns to the issue at hand. I know it shouldn't really be an issue, really. I know I don't regret what I did, and I know there were no negative outcomes, but I still can't help dwelling on it. Maybe it's just because Takeshi made it seem like it was an issue. Though he may goof off, I do trust his judgement, and it's making me rethink my own convictions. And that bothers me. Because the only thing that's stopping me from folding over with guilt is the fact that I keep telling myself that I thought it all through – which I did – and that there's nothing wrong with having a little fun once in my lifetime. It's not like I'm about to go do that with everyone I see, and, like or hate, I've known Blue long enough to know things about him. So maybe the things I know aren't very good things, but it prepared me, didn't it?

"_Go to sleep, kit,"_ grumbles Kyuubi. When I don't react, he says, _"You're having doubts, aren't you?"_

"No," I reply quietly so as not to disturb the name twins, who are already asleep together in a futon on the floor, having given me Takeshi's bed.

"_You asked me whether you should go and I said no, but you went and did it anyway. You've got no one to blame but yourself."_

"I'm not trying to blame anyone else."

"_You're not even trying to blame yourself. But as long as you're not a hundred percent confident that what you did was right, there's something wrong here."_

"Since when did you ever give a damn?" I mutter.

"_How should I know?"_ he says, sounding annoyed. _"A demon has better things to invest his effort in than petty teenage trifles. It's just that that's all you ever have, and I've got to entertain myself somehow, haven't I?"_

"What, so this is all fun and games to you? You're just sitting and watching me help someone whose parents were murdered by his brother, then have my relationship with him destroyed, and it's all entertainment?"

"_Well, yes."_

"I should've known." But I'm bluffing. I've seen genuine caring from Kyuubi, indirect though it may be. I don't know if he's got ulterior motives or if he just cares about people because he knows them, the way I do. But I know he cares. Even if he'll never admit it. "I'm going to sleep now."

"_Good."_

For a long time there's silence. Then, just as I'm slipping into sleep, I hear, very quietly: _"Goodnight, kit."_

—

In the morning, Shiroi leaves after breakfast, saying there are a few things he needs to take care of today. I stick around and help Takeshi tidy up, and we start talking about plans for the next school year.

"It's good that we've already found a place to live," he says. "I hear they fill up fast."

I nod. The place we found is an apartment shared by four people. There are only two bedrooms, so Takeshi and I will be sharing one. "We need to get plane tickets and stuff, right?" I sigh. "I dunno how I'm gonna manage to pay for it all. I've got some funds my parents set aside that Tsunade no baa-chan kept for me, but it's not quite enough for the course plus food, shelter, travel, and everything else."

"Get a student loan," he suggests. "And we can find jobs. I might be able to find something for you this summer if you like."

"Yeah, that'd be good," I say. "I mean, it is my last summer of freedom and all, but I guess it'd be good to have something to do. More so if it's beneficial."

"Right, well on my next shift I'll ask if they can hire you. It's not hard, you just—"

Takeshi is interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He checks the caller ID, then picks it up. "Hey, Shiroi. What's – _what_?" he exclaims. There's a pause. "Oh… no… Is he alright? Should I…? Yeah. Okay. We'll be there as soon as we can."

I don't have to ask. Takeshi looks at me, worry painted in his eyes.

"Sasuke's in the hospital," he says.

—

I burst into the hospital lobby to find Shiroi sitting there. He looks up, then stands.

"Is he okay?" I ask, out of breath, and not because I've been running.

"Relax," he says softly. "He'll be fine."

"But – but what happened? If all you say is that he's in the hospital—"

Shiroi holds up a hand, and I shut up instantly. He glances over at a nurse, who approaches and escorts us down the halls.

"I went to check on him at his place today," he says quietly. "I go over every few days to make sure he's not doing something stupid, because I don't think he's really got his priorities right. You've seen him. It's like he's obsessed. I don't think he eats or sleeps nearly as much as he should. I think the stress just caught up to him. He didn't answer when I knocked, but his door was unlocked so I went in anyway. When he saw me he got really angry and stood up and shouted, then collapsed. He didn't get up again, and at this point I just didn't know what could be done, so I called the hospital."

We stop in front of the room with Sasuke's name on it. The nurse goes in for a moment, then returns. "He's still unconscious, but you can go in and see him if you like," she says.

I stare at her, then at the sign on the door with Sasuke's name. Silence rings down the halls. I can feel my heart pounding, my whole body tense.

"Naruto?" says Takeshi hesitantly.

I swallow hard.

"Come on," says Shiroi. "Let's go see him."

He reaches for my shoulder. The moment his hand makes contact, I flinch and pull away, like I've been burned.

"I don't want to visit him." The words catch like burrs in my throat, stinging, making my eyes prickle.

"What?" Takeshi exclaims, but I'm already turning around, heading back down the hall. I hear him follow me. "Naruto! This is Sasuke we're talking about! You practically ran here, and now you're just going to leave?"

"Sasuke's the one who got himself here," I say, injecting ice into my voice. "If he's stupid enough to knock himself out, it's not my problem."

Takeshi's footsteps stop, but so have mine. I can just imagine Sasuke lying in bed, gaunt, starved and exhausted, probably full of tubes and attached to a machine or two. I hate hospitals. Sasuke never had a problem with them, but every time I come here I hate it more. I don't want to see Sasuke like that. I would rather see him healthy and awake and hating me than unconscious and possibly dying.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I can't make any other choice. I duck my head, staring at the ground, and walk away.

* * *

Sorry that Two Face has been updating so slowly as of late! I'm teetering on the edge of finishing the story, but since I haven't been in touch with my betas in a long time and I have school work and also I haven't quite figured out how I want it to end, it's all a muddle right now. And all the while, the updates are slowly catching up… I don't want to update the last possible chapter and then not update for ages because I'm trying to figure stuff out, so I'm spreading updates out instead. I'm trying to always have something else to upload on non-Two Face weeks, though.

It's been such a long time since I've worked on Two Face that I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to get the ending sorted out. If it goes on hiatus, I apologize profusely in advance! It'll be the first time, I think, for this story. And so close to the end too… sorry sorry sorry! I'll do my best, I swear!

R+F


	108. Camembert

Thanks to everyone for being so patient! I haven't written much of anything lately, and Two Face is still stuck, but I figured I could spare one more chapter. After this, though, I seriously need to finish writing it before I can continue with updates.

Due to getting a couple more flames, I've decided to disable anonymous reviews. I feel bad doing this because the flames really don't mean much and I know there are anonymous reviewers out there who legitimately send me useful comments, but I'd rather not have my story and email inbox spammed with irrelevant insults. I've deleted the flames from my reviews.

* * *

The lull of peace that pervaded my summer so far has more or less shattered, the thoughtless stretches replaced by endless swirling worries. Of course it has to be Sasuke's fault, doesn't it? Not because of what he did, but because he never fails to influence me. It was his own stupidity that put him in the hospital, but for some reason I'm feeling inclined to overlook that and call it an accident, and instead consider the whole thing as being his fault just because he's so goddamn important to me. Hate him or love him, I can't get over him. No matter what happens to him, no matter how close I am to him at the time, it's still something I can't help but invest my heart in. And, if you want to be technical, that _is_ his fault – for making me love him. For teaching me that he's someone who cares, for giving me everything and then taking it away. Nothing he does to contradict that can ever fully blot out the fact that I love him unconditionally, endlessly.

And so now, instead of being able to live as though nothing matters, everything comes rushing back into my mind. Things like how Gaara's doing, or Kiba and his dogs, or Sui, or Sai and Araragi-san. What Neji's up to, how Shikamaru's year was. How everyone has found their own paths now, many of them finding partners and new friends. I heard Shikamaru met some chick who's as smart as he is, and their relationship, if not truly romantic, is at least as close as someone as intellectual as Shikamaru would ever get. I know Neji's tested the waters a bit too, although of his current situation I've heard little. I never heard from Yumi except for the one time after Gaara left, and I heard from him too and he seems to be doing pretty well. I know Araragi-san and Sui have become fast friends, if only to keep each other's wits sharp, and Kiba and Sai seem to hang out a lot now by extension. I still chat with them sometimes, on the phone or by text or on instant messaging. We talk about the good times, the bad times, things we'll miss in the future. I talk with Gaara about Kyuubi a lot the one day I do manage to get in contact with him. Kiba tells me about his dogs, and I tell him about my dancing. Sai does a cute little drawing of all of us together and sends a copy to everyone.

A lot of the teachers leave a couple weeks after the term is over. I say goodbye to Ero-Sennin, Yamato-sensei, Kakashi-sensei. I run into Asuma-sensei and Anko at some point too, and everyone tells me how much they'll miss me, or how much fun they had teaching me, or to try not to goof off so much in college. Iruka-sensei gives me a big hug and prattles on about how much I've grown like he's my mother or something. He treats me to ramen, makes me promise to visit, and gives me a little dolphin plushie on a keychain before he leaves. Tsunade no baa-chan, at least, will stay around all summer, along with the school nurse Shizune-sensei and some others I know to varying degrees. All these people – everyone I've ever known – I'm leaving them all. Many of them, my friends and peers, are going in their own directions. They all cross my mind over the next few days, their faces, their voices, their personalities. Things I've been through, things I've learned. Everything and everyone I'll probably never see again. I think about how much my past is separated from my future. I think about what a different, amazing experience it'll be to live in an entirely different place.

But mostly I think about Sasuke – if he'll be alright, how his hunt for Itachi is doing, whether he'll really be interested in his law studies in Hokkaido. Whether he still thinks about me. If he'll be safe. If it's worth it for him to keep doing what he's doing. I talk to Shiroi about it over the phone, because the idea is plaguing me.

"He's destroying himself," I say wearily, lying back on my bed. "I never did like the idea of him going out there and getting into dangerous situations, but if he's at the point where he's putting himself in the hospital, he has to stop."

"Sasuke can be single-minded to a fault," Shiroi agrees, "and he's neglecting his own health. I understand that maybe it's what he needs to find his peace, but at this point I think he's hurting himself more by pursuing this than if he were to let it go."

"I just – for someone so selfish, he doesn't seem to be thinking of himself much at all." I sigh. "And then there's me, who can't stop thinking of him. What do I do, Shiroi?"

"I'm not sure," he says quietly. "All I can really think of is to wait for the whole thing to eventually run its course. There will come a point where you just can't invest yourself in it any longer. Not when it's over. Just like what's happened to Sasuke, at some point the outcome won't be worth everything you've had to invest. So, Naruto, is it still worth it for you to invest your heart in Sasuke? Or will it destroy you?"

I don't have an answer to that. Shiroi tells me to think about it, and reminds me I can call him back if I ever need to. I'm reminded of what Blue told me, about limits. How far will I go? Where do I draw the line? Like last time, I don't know. Maybe, like that time, I'll have to play it by ear, wait until it feels right. But will I ever truly tire of missing Sasuke? It's my only way of still connecting with him now that we're not together anymore. I can see where Shiroi's coming from – it's hurting me, all this missing. It would be alright, maybe, if the pain were motivating me to do something, to make a change. But I'm not doing anything, am I? I'm still avoiding Sasuke. I still can't bear to see him. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but in this case I don't think that's true at all. It's more like what hasn't killed me has just left me crippled.

I wonder if I will ever heal, or if I'll just miss him for the rest of my life. I couldn't imagine feeling like this for the rest of the summer, let alone decades. It'd be impossible.

I have to do something.

Shiroi checks on Sasuke quite a lot, and I ask him to let me know how things are going. His name bumps up to the top of my frequent contacts list. Whether I'm busy or bored, my mind's always on my cell phone, waiting for Shiroi's reports. Or perhaps waiting for when they don't come. As soon as Shiroi tells me he's going on an overnight camping trip with Takeshi and his family, my heart leaps, knowing Shiroi won't be checking on Sasuke. But why is that such a big deal? Sasuke's in the hospital; nothing bad will happen to him. And really, it's only a couple of days. I have no reason to worry.

But _am _I worrying? And if I am, why should I? Sasuke is in good hands, but really, he's not my problem anymore. I have no obligation to him – that became truth the moment I took my necklace off. I haven't talked to him since then, and he's made no effort to talk to me. We're over – our love, our friendship, everything. I don't know what I am to him anymore. And what is he to me? I'm not sure. An enemy? A memory? Just an ex?

I don't know. I don't think I even want to know. I don't want to think about it anymore – I wish it would all just go away.

"_Then run,"_ says Kyuubi.

So I run. I'm not a big fan of jogging, but I've always run from my problems – so today I pull on my sneakers, grab my music, and go for a run. The physical exertion numbs my mind nicely, and I distract myself with the music or by taking in my surroundings. I let my feet take me where they will. I don't think about it. It's not until I pass the subway station that I realize I've come right to the hospital.

I stop in front of it and take a long drink of water, catching my breath. And I look, and I breathe, and, without thinking, I go inside.

A nurse signs me in at the reception desk and directs me to Sasuke's room. I walk alone, my steps echoing quietly down the silent halls. Even though my body's calmed down from the exercise, my heart refuses to slow, galloping with a different rush of adrenaline now. I stop dead in my tracks when I find Sasuke's room, shared with a couple of other patients.

There's a window in the door. I rise to my tiptoes and peer in. There he is, lying in the bed nearest the door, eyes closed, breathing slow.

I slowly open the door and sneak in. There's a chair near Sasuke's bed – probably the one Shiroi uses when he visits. I nod a greeting to the old woman sitting in the next bed, and she smiles and nods back. Then I silently bring the chair up to Sasuke's bed and sit down.

Once I've settled, the first thought that comes into my head is: what am I doing here? Even when I told myself I'd rather see Sasuke awake and healthy and hating me. He seems to be doing better now, in any case; the few days of rest have done him good. He doesn't need me by his bedside; he doesn't miss me or have anything to say to me. So why am I here?

I look into his face, as though he might have the answers. Of course he wouldn't. Even if he were awake. But I'm so used to finding the answers in Sasuke. Everything seemed so certain, when we were together. It didn't matter if there were troubles because we had each other. Now that I'm alone, everything seems wrong.

I sigh and lean forward, crossing my arms on the edge of the bed and laying my head down. I watch Sasuke as his chest slowly rises and falls. His face is peaceful; the shadows of fatigue have mostly been erased from under his eyes and if I'm not mistaken he seems to be gaining some weight back. His face is the same as I remember it – the smooth, pale skin, the serious set of his brow, the thin, soft lips…

Before I know it, my hand has lifted, as though of its own accord. Slowly, unsteadily, I reach out until my fingertips brush his skin. I carefully tuck back the hair from his face, my heart swelling with even this slightest contact. In what is little more than a breath of air, I hear it escape from between my teeth: "Sa…suke…"

"Uzumaki Naruto?"

I raise my head. The old woman in the next bed is watching me, smiling.

"Are you Uzumaki Naruto-kun?" she asks, in a frail yet steady voice.

Slowly I nod. "Yes, that's me."

Her smile widens. "Ah, Minato's boy. You know, you look just like him."

I swallow the lump in my throat. Sasuke was the one who showed me who my parents were.

"Who is this boy to you?"

I look to Sasuke, then back at her. "I don't know anymore," I say quietly.

"The surface of the river is always moving," she says, "but the depths are much calmer. Look into your heart of hearts. I'll ask again: who is this boy to you?"

I glance away, thinking. My eyes fall on Sasuke's hand, then flit up to his face again.

"He's… my everything," I murmur. "It doesn't matter who he is. I love him."

"Ah, now that's one of the best answers I've heard," she says, her smile so wide her eyes are nearly lost among her crows' feet. "Your friend Shiroi-kun comes here a lot."

"I know."

"He speaks of you frequently. Sasuke-kun ignores any mention of you, but even he can't deny his heart of hearts."

I frown. "What do you…"

But she just nods towards Sasuke. He's stirring, brow furrowing. My heart squeezes, suddenly going as fast as a racehorse. I leap out of my chair, but my feet feel like they're glued to the floor.

Sasuke turns over in his sleep, onto his side, facing me. Move, I scream at my feet, move!

"N…Naru…"

I momentarily forget how to breathe. It's not until his movement stills and his breathing slows again that my bodily functions return to normal.

Heaving a deep breath, I sink back down into the chair. I feel like I've walked a hundred miles. My whole body is exhausted, my mind spent, my heart aching. I just want to crawl under the covers with Sasuke, curl up in his arms, and sleep.

But I can't. Perhaps the surface of the river is ever churning; maybe the depths are calmer and more soothing – but if I stay down there, the river will carry on without me. With or without Sasuke, I have other things to attend to. Whether Sasuke's next to me or not, I'll still be flying to England to study dance, and that's something that's my issue alone. Because, whether I was with him or not, Sasuke moved on with his life. I've got to keep up with the flow too.

I brush the hair from his face one more time, lingering too long on his cheekbone, his jawline. Then I stand, rubbing at my prickling eyes. I look up at the old woman.

"Um," I say quietly, "don't tell him I was here, okay?"

"Whatever you like," she says with a slow nod.

"Thanks." My feet part from the floor quite willingly now. "It was nice talking with you."

"And you." She smiles. "Make up with Sasuke-kun soon, alright? It's disheartening to see two such fine young men looking so down all the time."

I have to smile back. "I'll try. I really will."

—

I steer clear of the hospital after that. Shiroi calls me to let me know Sasuke's back home on the 21st. Two days before his birthday. Two days before it's a year since we first made love. We've been around the sun and so much has changed. Shiroi's the one staying with Sasuke and making sure he doesn't do something stupid again. Shiroi's the one taking care of him. That's what I should be doing. I should be the one who's by Sasuke's side, guiding him, supporting him. Shiroi says Sasuke's more or less back on track now, after having put himself in the hospital. He's eating normally again, and at least sleeping more than before. But he's refused Shiroi's suggestions to lay off the chase for Itachi for a few days. He is, at least, heading out to find some clue or other tomorrow, but Shiroi convinced him to stay home for his birthday. For some reason, this puts me at ease.

On the 22nd, I grab my wallet, keys, and phone, and head out. It's raining – just my luck – but my promise to the old lady in the hospital is still sitting on my conscience, and I just know I have to go out today, more than anything. So I take a raincoat and an umbrella, noticing that I'm vaguely hoping, vaguely dreading that I'll run into Sasuke, and check out the stalls and surrounding shops. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I think I'll know when I see it. Something special, something unique. Something meaningful. I wish I could get something big and intricate and expensive, but I just don't have the money. So the meaning will have to cover for the lack of expense.

A table full of statues catches my eye. There's wood, stone, marble, clay – all handcrafted, many painted in beautiful palettes. A soaring eagle with sky highlights on its shining feathers. A deer in the trees with mottled forest shadows. A salmon jumping out of sparkling rapids and straight into the paws of a huge, matted grizzly bear. The artist, a young woman who's currently working on an indistinguishable block of wood, smiles at me.

"Do you know of Aesop's fables?" she asks me. "The ones with animal characters and a moral in each story."

I nod. She points to a section where the fables have been replicated in incredible detail: a crane extracting a bone from a wolf's throat, a tortoise plodding past a sleeping hare to a finish line. Suddenly one occurs to me.

"The raven and the fox," I say quickly.

"Where the fox steals the raven's cheese? One of my favourites."

"M…me too." I hesitate. "Do you take requests?"

"They're expensive," she warns me. I glance at the price tags on the table – not cheap, even for the smaller and simpler scenes. "Why don't you tell me what you're thinking of?"

She pulls out a stool before resuming her carving, and I sit under her stall's tarp roof and tell her. I tell her everything. Love, loss, mourning, trying to move on. Sasuke. Takeshi. Me. As I tell each chapter of my story, a scene begins to play in my head. A fox, carrying a piece of cheese. A raven, watching, angry and hurt. The fox pauses, turns to look back at the lonely black bird on the tree.

"And the fox wants to give it back," I finish, hoarse from talking for so long, then realize I've been telling something that's a mix of my own story and the one Sasuke wrote for me last year. I tell the woman about this story. I still remember every detail, every scene. I remember everything that it meant and how Sasuke related it to our relationship. "You know what he told me? He said the cheese is a metaphor for his heart. I stole it from him. And… I guess he wanted it back."

"Do you still have it?" asks the woman.

"I don't know. Do I? I can't carry the metaphor very far if we don't see eye to eye. I want to still have it, but he doesn't. But in the story, there's only one piece of cheese."

She considers this. "Well, let me tell you a story of my own. Much shorter, perhaps, but a story nonetheless. There's a fox. He was hurt, starved half to death by his petty raven's desire for revenge. But he realizes, maybe that's the way the raven is. Maybe ravens are like that, and as a fox he didn't see it at first. So the fox comes to accept this as a fact of life, and he moves on. But how does the raven feel? Is he regretful? Is he lonely? Because I'm sure that deep down, he didn't want to drive the fox away.

"But there's nothing the raven can do. It looks to him like the fox is ignoring him, has forgotten about him. And maybe that hurts more than either of them realizes. But the fox still remembers – they both still remember. And they want things to go back to how they were. So the fox seeks out a human, and finds a piece of cheese."

She turns her sculpture around – she's set down her carving tools and took to painting it in this time we've been talking; it might have been hours – and my breath catches. There on a low branch, a raven, looking timid and alone and confused. There on the ground, a fox, cautiously holding out a piece of cheese. The colours are soft, hesitant, yet there's a sparkle of hope. Light filters through the leaves, dappling the ground, shining on the raven's black feathers, against the fox's orange fur. I feel my eyes sting as she holds it out to me.

"For the story," she says softly, "and the inspiration you gave me to make this, you can have it. My friend sells cheese over there," she adds, smiling. "I recommend the Camembert."

—

I'm a coward, so I make my gift anonymous. I can't face him, not with something like this. So the next day I bring a cardboard box, with the sculpture and the wheel of cheese inside, to Sasuke's front door, then ring the doorbell and run for it. I hide behind a hedge, feeling kind of silly, and watch as Sasuke comes out. My heart catches; my chest constricts. But I don't move, and I don't turn away. He's frowning and looking around – probably thinks it's a prank. He's about to head back inside when he spots the box. It's plain old cardboard with no signs of postage, so I guess it makes sense that he's confused. In contrast with yesterday's rain it's a beautiful day today, so he sits down on his front steps for a while to open it. First he takes out the cheese, unwraps it from its wax paper, frowns, sniffs it. I don't even know if Sasuke likes Camembert, but I tried a sample at the cheese stall and it was nice. So he wraps it back up and sets it aside, then pulls out some padding paper. Then he pauses.

Slowly, carefully, he lifts out the sculpture. I can see him observing it, turning it around, taking in the minute details. There's a look in his eyes – what is it? I can't tell. Maybe for the first time, I'm utterly unable to read his unguarded expression. What's he thinking? Does he understand the meaning of it? Does he know who it's from? The fact that I can't tell frightens me – this distance, this awful chasm that separates us. It's like I don't know him anymore.

But I can read the slight increase in urgency in his actions as he searches the box for anything else. I haven't left a card or even a note. He looks at the cardboard carefully, checks the cheese, then tries the bottom of the sculpture. I see his eyes take in what I've written: _Happy Birthday._ No name. No note.

I think I can see his hands shaking as he carefully sets the sculpture back in the box. He shuts it, then holds it close, wrapping both arms around it. Then he closes his eyes and cries.

* * *

I'm not great at making motifs and symbolism subtle, but I do love them anyway. Once again Sasuke's and Naruto's animals come into play. And… I never thought I'd ever take cheese so seriously xD Incidentally, I only chose Camembert because I kinda like it myself. I wonder if there would be a more fitting cheese to represent their relationship… but that would be reading waaaay too much into it, haha.

Anyway, I'll have to leave you on this slightly more hopeful note. Who knows when the next update will be? Hopefully soon! I'll do my best to keep working on Two Face. We'll see it through one way or another.

R+F


	109. Infinity

Guess what? I'm done writing Two Face! There's no other word for this than bittersweet.

* * *

I'm running out of ideas. I don't know what to do: August is already here and if I don't scrape up enough funds soon, I won't be able to get my student visa or pay for my course. I deferred the one offer I was given to study here in Japan, thinking I wouldn't need it.

"You're just gonna have to go without me," I finally say to Takeshi, flopping back on his couch. "I'll stick around and work for a year. I've just got no funds."

"But—!" Takeshi actually leaps out of Shiroi's lap in the beanbag chair to lie on top of me. He still likes being touchy-feely, even after our act ended. "But Naruto! How the hell am I gonna make it in England on my own? My English is awful!"

"It really is," I agree. "But I'm sure you'll be fine. You passed the test. And you know everyone we've emailed has been really nice and everything, and there are other foreign students too. You'll make it, I know you will."

"This sucks," he groans. "I could give you everything that's been saved up for my studies—"

"No way." I push him off; he falls to the floor with an angry yell. I relent and help him back up, and we sit side by side on the couch. "That's your money. I could barely handle the idea of Sasuke paying for me to begin with."

"But you were going to. Don't I have as much of a right as him?"

I scratch my head. "It's a little different than that. It's – I don't know. I just couldn't."

"And if I'm paying for you for my own good?" he insists. "You know the only reason I'm going is because you're going."

"That's a terrible reason." I mess up his hair just because I know it pisses him off. "Come on. It's a brilliant opportunity and you're all set. I'm not letting you stay here, and neither is Shiroi."

I look to Shiroi for agreement, and he nods resolutely. When it's Takeshi alone against the two of us, he can't argue.

"My family wouldn't agree to it either," he says finally. "But it's gonna be so damn lonely."

"I know." I sigh. "I'm sorry. But in a crazy world like ours, we're so hopelessly dependent on money… We'll just have to cope, and I'll do whatever I can to come and join you next year."

My cellphone buzzes. I'm surprised to see that it's the school calling, which means it's probably Tsunade no baa-chan. Wondering what the hell is going on, I connect.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Naruto-kun," says the principal's voice. She seems… happy. Very happy. "I've got some incredible news for you. But it's a surprise, so you'll have to see me tonight to find out."

"What? But – Wait, what is it?"

She actually laughs. "You don't get to know until you come to my office. I'll be here all day, so whenever's fine for you. See you soon."

"Hang on a s—" I start, but the receiver clicks and the line goes dead. I stare at my phone.

"The hell was that?" asks Takeshi.

"Your guess is as good as mine." I shrug and stuff my cellphone back in my pocket.

But I can't keep my mind off of it. What's Tsunade no baa-chan got that's such a big deal? Why can't she tell me over the phone? What's the occasion, anyway? Eventually I apologize to the name twins, unable to wait any longer. I promise to tell them about it once I find out, then hurry home.

I don't even bother stopping by my dorm room; I head straight to the principal's office and barge in. To my surprise, she's standing right there in front of me, holding up a paper and beaming. I snatch it from her and stare at it.

Paid.

Everything. My entire three-year course, my airfare, and enough money to house and feed me, plus any other expenses. Completely paid. I've never seen so much money in my life.

"W-wh—?" I stutter. I can't say a thing. I look up at Tsunade no baa-chan.

"Not me," she grins.

"Who, then?" I stare at the numbers again, making sure. There they are, every single digit. Everything I'll need.

"Now that," she says with an even bigger smile, "is something waiting for you to find it out at your dorm common room."

I'm gone before she can say another word, running flat-out, tearing across the grounds with barely a thought to spare. I nearly crash into the building door, then wrench it open and race into the common room.

I freeze.

Sasuke.

It's like I left all my thoughts and emotions behind me in the office, and they take a minute to catch up to me. But when they do, they surge back so quickly my head spins and I fall back against the wall, panting. Shock. Gratitude. Guilt. Anger. Loneliness. Desire. Love.

"Why?" is the first thing that I can force out of my throat.

His eyes are a storm of emotions, but his body is as calm as the bottom of the ocean. He wordlessly holds something out to me, and my gaze snaps to it immediately.

It's a wheel of cheese, unopened.

For a fleeting second panic and rage erupt inside me, coupled with an overwhelming sense of disgust. He's rejecting it? He's giving it back? After I watched him break down, after I thought he cared, after he fucking paid for every last penny of my entire future? I look back into his face, my vision flickering red, ready to kill.

"Look closer," he says, his voice trembling.

I look. It's not Camembert. It's not the one I gave him. And a little metal circle lies on top, a deep blue gem dead centre circled by the arched wings of a raven, threaded onto a fine red chain.

He moves closer, slowly, every step hesitant. I can see his body shaking. I can see the resolution in his face wavering. I can see his eyes glassing over, his eyebrows knitting together, his lips drawing in a tight line.

"It's up to you whether or not you want to take it," he whispers.

I stare, my mind racing. It's too easy. It'd be too easy, wouldn't it? After he pushed me away and hurt me, after I swore I'd make him beg? But I saw the way he looked at my birthday gift, and I can hear the desperation in his voice now. Is he begging? Is he hoping, wishing more than anything that I'll forgive him?

"Naruto," he breathes, and he traps me in his gaze again. And he delves into my very soul, right to the core – and I don't stop him, don't even try, although it'd be so easy. And he takes a deep, shuddering breath and tears are spilling and he says, "Naruto, please."

I snatch the cheese from his hands, then throw my arms around him. I can't help it; I'm holding him as tightly as I can, my grip so strong I'm sure I'm hurting him, and yet I can't stop, can't let go, can't ever give this up. And his arms are equally tight around me and I can feel his shuddering gasps racking his chest as he cries into my shoulder, and there are no words, none at all, but the emotions we both feel are strong enough to say everything, anything when we are so close.

—

"Sasuke?"

He kisses me so gently I barely feel it, so gently I couldn't miss it. "Yes, Naruto?"

"We need to talk."

The look in his eyes darkens, and he glances away. But I can't let this go – so much has happened since we were apart that it's impossible to go on without connecting first, and no amount of make-up sex is going to change the fact that we've grown in different directions. I pull the covers a little higher over us, put an arm around Sasuke, and hold him close.

"Does it have to be now?" he murmurs into my shoulder. I almost cave at the feel of his warmth, of his touch. How I've missed this. How could I ask him to face the tumult of our past now that the present has been restored?

But I can't let this go. I want to get it out of the way as soon as possible, to make sure the past really does stay where it is, so that it won't seep into our present – our future. This can't happen again. It can't haunt us. We have to move on.

I never did learn how to move on, in these months. I'm not quite sure if I learned anything while it was happening, but I'm getting a budding feeling of retrospective wisdom coming on. Shiroi's selflessness towards Takeshi. The name twins' advice to me telling me to find the line at which point suffering is no longer worth the effort. Blue's suggestion to seek my limits. And an acceptance within myself that maybe what Sasuke needs, more than me, is to find peace with his past. He's warred with it for ten years, and if there's one thing I both hate and love about Sasuke it's his single-minded focus. Sasuke wouldn't give up his revenge. He never would – and I guess I shouldn't stop him. Even if I want to, even if I feel like he's doing something dangerous and stupid. Sasuke wasn't meant to forget.

"Naru?" he whispers. I nearly melt.

"I've missed you," I breathe against his skin.

"I'm sorry," he says, for about the hundredth time today. "I'm so sorry, Naru, for everything… I chose wrong. I know I did."

And as he says this, I'm transported back to that day, that moment when I told him he had a choice – me or Itachi – and I realize that the person I was then and the person I am now are not the same. I realize, only now, that I was more at fault than I'd ever let myself accept. I was selfish for making him choose at all. I can't keep Sasuke cooped up like a bird in a cage.

"Maybe," I say, "but I shouldn't have forced you to make the choice in the first place."

"You had to. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have seen how much it mattered."

I sigh. "It's just… oh, Sasuke, I was so – so angry, so afraid… I didn't want to l-lose you, and I t-thought – I thought you'd s-say—"

My body racks in a sob, and I feel his arms tighten around me as I spill my tears. As if I hadn't cried enough in the days after we broke up. But there's something about knowing he's here, knowing that the tears mean nothing now, that makes me able to let it all go.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs again, rubbing my back slowly.

"I think," I say with a sniff, "that maybe a compromise would have been better."

He nods. "Then I wouldn't have hurt you as much. And…" There's pain in his eyes, an expression I can read once more, as he mumbles, "And maybe I wouldn't have driven you to hurt me in return."

"I didn't – I didn't realize it actually hurt you," I say quietly. "I wanted it to, you know, I really did. I wanted you to feel how I felt. But I never saw you react, and that just made me so… lonely."

"You don't know how much I want to hurt Takeshi right now," he says, voice little more than a growl.

"You can't." I feel my resolve solidify. "Takeshi never did a thing."

"But – even the first day at the club. You betrayed me." The way he says it hurts more than anything.

"It was all an act," I say, trying to reassure him, trying to make excuses to myself. "I never did anything with Takeshi. It was an act, to make you jealous."

"It worked. Even if it didn't seem like it… Trust me, Naruto, it worked."

I don't know what I can say to that. I can't say I'm glad, but neither do I feel entirely sorry.

"But…" His voice falters, the volume dropping a couple of notches. "But even if you considered it an act – even if Takeshi was acting… He's always wanted you. And you never realized…"

"I know now," I tell him. "Shiroi was the one to tell me."

"The only thing that gave me any comfort was the knowledge that you weren't aware," Sasuke says. "I thought, as long as you didn't know, it would be okay. But if you found out, if you realized how much he wants you, how much that act of yours was fulfilling his dreams—"

"You're so possessive," I whisper, but it's not a reprimand. "So selfish."

He hugs me tighter and tighter, so much that it begins to hurt, but I don't want him to stop. "I know I am. I wish I knew how to be selfless. Shiroi would give anything to Takeshi, he'd give Takeshi to someone else without batting an eyelash just so Takeshi could be happy. And me? When you so much as smile at someone else I want to kill them."

"I know. I know, Sasuke."

"I tried so hard to forget you." His whole body is tense, shaking with the effort. "I don't know why… Maybe I thought it would hurt less that way, or… I don't know. But I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't get you out of my head, even if I tried. Even if it was just to tell myself I was angry at you, or that I was better off without you. In the end, I was still thinking about you. I tried to focus on my revenge, but even when you were gone you never left my mind. You… you read the letter that Itachi sent me. He said you were a distraction to me, blinding me from my true goal. And I believed him, Naruto, I completely and utterly fell into his trap…"

"Of course. Because it's Itachi."

"But I understand now," he whispers. "You're more important to me than he ever was."

"No."

He pulls back abruptly to stare at me, but I know what I'm saying.

"I'll never compare, Sasuke," I say quietly, brushing a thumb across his cheek. "I know that. Until Itachi's in prison, you can't ever devote yourself entirely to me."

"It's wrong," he says, but his eyes tells me he agrees, even if he doesn't want to.

"No. It's what you need." I kiss him briefly. "I think I'm starting to understand how Shiroi feels. Not just accepting it, but really feeling it. Feeling that I was wrong to try to keep you for myself. And if there's anything I've learned from Takeshi, it's that you can love two people at the same time. And I know how much you love Itachi."

Sasuke is startled by this. "What are you—" But he falters, and I can tell he knows it's undeniable.

"You do, don't you? And that's _why _you hate him. Because he betrayed you."

"…Because _I _betrayed _you_," he whispers.

"…Yes, Sasuke."

"I'm sorry."

I shake my head. "I forgive you. Because from these past months, I've understood how you feel. What it's like to be angry, to be resentful, to hate the one person you love the most… and to want nothing more than to have them back. I realized I would never be able to handle that for as long as you have. And I hated the idea of moving on. But for me, going back _was_ an option – at least more than it is for you. So I don't want to hold you back, alright? I want to support you. But I want you to be safe. I'm – I'm afraid. Itachi's a murderer, Sasuke."

"I know. I thought, since Itachi's the reason we broke apart – I thought, if I locked him away, this would stop. I could have you back. But as long as you're with me, he's dangerous to you too. I… can't bear that. I wanted to protect you by pushing you away. That's what I convinced myself, to stop the pain and the guilt. There was so much of those."

I nod. "On my side, too."

"But you've grown," he says. "Stronger. Smarter. More mature. I look at you now, and I compare you to when we first started dating, and I realize, I'm so proud of you. But now I… I don't know you anymore," he says, and his voice is so small and broken I can barely make it out. "Not just how you've grown. You… kiss differently. You move differently. Who was it?"

And now pain fills my heart because, even though he never heard about any of it, he knows. I've learned things from Blue, subconsciously taken a leaf out of his book, but I never thought about the fact that it would be noticed – of course it would. Sasuke and I know each other better than we know ourselves.

"It wasn't Takeshi," he says immediately. "I trust you when you say you didn't do anything with him. But…"

"You'll be angry," I whisper.

"Then you shouldn't have done it in the first place," he replies, his expression pained.

"You had no hold on me. I was… tired of missing you. I wanted to know if I could move on. But it was too early."

"Who did you sleep with?" he asks, insistently, anger only tingeing the main colour of hurt in his voice.

"No one. I didn't – I couldn't. Like I said, it was too soon."

"Then…?"

I bite my lip, glancing away. He kisses me gently, so gently.

"Please, Naruto. I won't do anything. I just have to know."

"…Katsumi," I say finally. "Yamashita Katsumi. Blue."

"You didn't—"

"He taught me things too," I say. I explain what he said to me that day by the bench on the grounds, about limits, about self-respect. I tried something new, but I retained my self-respect. And I retained my love for Sasuke.

His grip on me tightens. "You're unbelievable, Naruto."

"You let me go. You can't control me unless you claim my heart."

"And if I do?"

"Then I'm all yours."

He sighs and kisses me. "I hate you."

"I knew you would."

"Naruto… You've grown so much, It's like I don't know who you are. Don't… don't let me lose you again…"

"No, Sasuke," I reply, leaning into his hug. "Never again. And you know, you've grown too," I add. "If you hadn't, we wouldn't be here now. Maybe we just needed some time apart, to find ourselves instead of getting lost in each other."

He rubs his eyes, takes a deep breath. When he speaks again, his voice is calmer. "You know what I decided?"

"What's that?"

"I want to spend the rest of the summer with you. I know it's only a little while, but I want to make the most of it. And then… I want to go to law school, in Hokkaido, and I want you to go to England. And you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to find Itachi and put him behind bars, and then I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you."

I smile. "I like that idea. How long do you think it'll take?"

"Years – I don't know."

"And we're going to be apart that long?"

"Maybe. If it takes too long, I think I'm going to review my plans. It could take the rest of my life, and I don't want to be without you that long."

"Good, because I'd come chase you down eventually," I say.

"I hope you do. What about you? What are your plans?"

I shrug. "Who knows? I'll get better at dancing, try to get noticed, I guess. I'll teach or something. It's all I can do."

"I'll support you as much as you need," he says. "We can make it if we do it together."

I have to laugh. "Are you asking to marry me?"

Sasuke looks somewhat startled, but there's a glint in his eyes and his heart rate has increased. I look back questioningly, my own pulse barely daring to take off.

"Well," he begins, "gay marriage is illegal in Japan."

I raise an eyebrow. "So…"

Sasuke is silent for a very long time. Then he rolls over and pulls me on top of him and says, "Ask me again when I have a ring."

I laugh, and I kiss him, and I know it doesn't matter what the legal papers say because Sasuke and I will be forever.

* * *

This would be such a _perfect_ place to finish Two Face… but alas, I have more to write! I debated for such a long time whether I should end Two Face right here. It's just so sweet and it's pure happiness. But I haven't wrapped everything up yet, and there's still a scene I have very firmly planted in my mind that needs to be in the story.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I know it's been a long, long time since they were together. They broke up in chapter 98, and now we're at 109. I know a lot of you were getting weary of the lack of SasuNaru, but we're back again. I knew I was taking a risk, separating them, but I could never make Two Face anything but a happy-ending story.

There are two more chapters to go. Sorry for the short notice, but I didn't really know this myself until recently.

R+F


	110. Caprice

Yeah, I've been stalling updating. Sorry! It's just that I haven't had anyone to proofread these last two chapters for me and, to be perfectly honest, I'm going to miss Two Face. I've been so, so bored these past few weeks, and I think it's because I don't have any major writing project to work on. I've got more unfinished stories on the go than I can count on one hand, but they're all very on-and-off. I guess since I'm done writing Two Face there isn't much point in stalling updates anyway, but I still do it…

In any case, we have one last major conflict to resolve. Enjoy.

* * *

Sasuke returns my raven pendant to its rightful place around my neck, clasping it carefully with the same chain it used to be on, fixed up since I snapped it, and I return the favour for his fox pendant. Of course he never let go of the necklaces – he took off his own, after the break-up, but kept them together somewhere deep in his belongings, like he wanted to bury the memories and emotions. I wonder, if he'd thrown the necklaces away, would we still have been able to come back together?

And the answer is: of course we would. Necklaces or not, things would probably have played out the same way. When we made love that day we returned to each other, we were so preoccupied that we'd forgotten the necklaces altogether. I have to admit it did seem a little off, not seeing that bright orange gem dangling from Sasuke's neck as we moved together, but it didn't stop us. In a way, I feel like we've grown. We've gone beyond needing to rely on things like the red string of fate. It's our own willpower, our own decisions and efforts that have made this possible.

I move back into Sasuke's house officially. Although the school is obligated to house me until I become of age at 20, I'm perfectly fine with making Sasuke's house my residence instead, and so Tsunade no baa-chan does some paperwork and lets me go with a big hug and a reminder that she's still my legal guardian and that I should visit whenever I can. I say goodbye to the teachers that are still at the school, then take Sasuke's hand and head home with him.

It feels great to come back to this house, this place where I've made so many amazing memories. Bad ones, too, but they don't have to matter. Since my school year starts in October and Sasuke's in April, I have until mid-September with him – nearly a month and a half. I'm extremely grateful for this extra time. It's been far too long without him. It's hard to believe we've been apart for nearly half a year – in some ways it seemed much shorter than that, which I can't help feeling a little guilty about, but Sasuke just kisses me softly, so softly, and tells me it doesn't matter. None of it matters anymore. We're together again.

We're both surprised when, the very next day, someone rings the doorbell. Sasuke goes to answer the door, and I tag along behind, never letting go of his hand. I peek over his shoulder as he opens the door.

It's Shiroi. "Hi," he says, and then does a double take and stares at me. I smile at him, and Shiroi grins back. And that's all he needs to know.

"I was just stopping by to make sure you're alright, Sasuke," he says, "but you seem just fine."

Sasuke gives him a brilliant smile. "That's an understatement."

"I figured as much." He turns to go. "Well, I guess I'll leave you two alone now—"

But Sasuke grabs his wrist before he can disappear. "Stay a while," he says. "And tell Takeshi to come over too."

Both Shiroi and I are surprised by this. Sasuke has no reason to ever want to see Takeshi anymore.

"I'm not going to kill him, don't worry," says Sasuke.

"Or seriously harm him?" I ask.

"Or break him mentally," adds Shiroi.

"I won't hurt him," Sasuke laughs.

So Shiroi texts Takeshi, who says he'll be there in an hour. We return to the living room; Sasuke sits with his back against the arm of the couch and the wall behind that, and I sit between his legs, leaning against him. Shiroi has the decency to sit normally, with his feet on the floor. We spend the time on the couch just talking. Actually, Shiroi and Sasuke talk, and I just listen. At one point early on Shiroi makes a casual remark about something that happened a couple of months ago, but Sasuke easily intercepts it with an added suggestion that we wait until Takeshi's here to discuss that properly. From then on they steer clear of that general area of topics, instead talking about psychology, writing, and other things like that. I just close my eyes and listen to them, not really caring what they're talking about, just that I get to hear Sasuke's voice again after so long and feel his warmth around me, one of his hands interlaced with one of mine, the other slipping under my shirt to play against the soft skin of my stomach.

When Takeshi rings the doorbell and Sasuke goes to let him in, Shiroi and I follow along, wondering how this reunion will play out. We don't need to worry, however, because the moment the door's open Takeshi jumps Sasuke with a hug.

"T-Takeshi?" stutters Sasuke, utterly bewildered.

"I'm sorry," says Takeshi immediately, arms still wrapped tight around Sasuke. "You can hate me if you want. I have no excuses."

Sasuke pats Takeshi's back awkwardly. "It's – it's fine, Takeshi. I don't hate you."

"But—"

"But if you don't give it a rest I might reconsider."

Takeshi leaps away, laughing. "Okay, okay. Can I come in, then?"

Sasuke and Shiroi resume their conversation as we all settle back on the couch in our previous positions, Takeshi taking up the rest of the couch by lying down with his head in Shiroi's lap. I tilt my head back against Sasuke's shoulder, and he nuzzles gently into my hair. I close my eyes, filling myself with his presence. I've missed this.

"Takeshi?"

Everyone looks at Sasuke, surprised. Takeshi even looks a little apprehensive. "…Yeah?"

"I want to… thank you," says Sasuke, quietly. "For being there for Naruto."

Takeshi smiles. "It's what friends do, right?"

Sasuke's hand tightens around mine at the word _friends_. "It's more than what I did. I've been stupid. I should apologize to everyone."

"The one you've harmed most of all is yourself," says Shiroi. "The most important thing is that you're safe. The only way you've inconvenienced us is by making it harder for us to make sure you're alright."

"Yeah. Sorry. And thanks for caring," he adds.

"I have to admit you've been a bit of an ass to everyone," Takeshi says casually, "but as long as you're aware of that I think we can forgive you." He grins.

Sasuke sighs, his thumb rubbing circles against my skin. I settle more comfortably against him. I know what he's thinking: Takeshi put a humorous spin on it, but the truth is that Sasuke's actions have been selfish and thoughtless and he's been a burden to everyone involved. He knows it and feels remorse, which is the most important thing – but his pride won't let him say it out loud, not in front of the name twins at least. But I think it's enough, for now, that he's come this far. So I cover his hand with mine and squeeze it reassuringly, and he gets the message.

"Listen, Takeshi," he says. "Because you're going to be living with Naruto next year. I want you to take care of him, alright?"

"You know I will. We'll look out for each other."

"I'll make sure Takeshi doesn't get charmed by some British boy," I say, smiling at Shiroi.

"Oh, but some of them are so good-looking," Takeshi swoons. "You'll have your work cut out for you, Naruto."

"Come on, Takeshi," says Sasuke. "Can't you at least pretend you're dating Shiroi? You did a good enough job acting with Naruto."

Takeshi just laughs. Shiroi's smiling, but he remains quiet, his fingers combing through Takeshi's hair.

"Honestly, sometimes I wonder if you guys are even in a relationship," Sasuke goes on. "For all we know you could just be friends with benefits."

"But we are, kinda," says Takeshi. "Obviously we care about each other more than anyone else, but the bedroom fun is just an add-on, see? I mean, we trust each other, so we're able to share that with each other."

"Hmm." Sasuke pulls me in tighter, staring into space.

I'm watching Shiroi during all of this. It seems the name twins have become a bit closer since I ended the act with Takeshi, but Takeshi still makes a point of ogling any hot girl or guy we pass on the street, while Shiroi seems to go along with it only if Takeshi drags him into it. It seems like lately Shiroi's been drawing into himself, saying less, losing himself in thought more often. He's been checking on Sasuke regularly, but it's never been a situation in which Sasuke could ever offer Shiroi a metaphorical shoulder to lean on. But now, as Takeshi starts rambling about the "benefits" part of "friends with benefits" and Shiroi's fingers dance along his collarbone, I'm wondering whether Shiroi might be more in need of support than he's ever let show.

—

When I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I quietly go down the hall to the living room to check on the name twins. Takeshi's sprawled out alone on the futon, fast asleep; Shiroi's sitting outside in the chair on the porch, arms around his knees, staring into space. He's been there for so long that the motion-activated light on the porch has turned off. I tiptoe around Takeshi and join Shiroi outside, triggering the light.

Shiroi turns when I close the door quietly behind me, but he doesn't look surprised. "You know, don't you?" he asks.

I just nod. Shiroi's gaze meets mine, and there's something in his eyes, something so raw and vulnerable that I see no course of action other than to hold my arms out to him. He looks at me for only a split second before he's vaulted out of the chair and thrown his arms around me, his whole body racking with shuddering sobs. I hold him tightly and let him cry himself out on my shoulder, let him release all the emotion he's been holding back for who knows how long. Strong, silent Shiroi, never complaining, always standing faithfully by his capricious, oblivious boyfriend. Shiroi, who loves Takeshi so much that he would give Takeshi away and watch Takeshi love someone else if he wanted to. Shiroi, who loves Takeshi so much that he would gladly kill himself, offer his own life on a silver platter, if it would make Takeshi happy.

"What do I do?" he whispers, even his breathing unsteady.

"You tell him," I reply, rubbing his back slowly.

"I don't want to restrain him."

"You know he loves you more than anything. For him, that transcends the need to make a point of it. He plays around because he knows you'll allow it. Because he thinks it doesn't hurt you."

Shiroi's arms tighten around me at this. I rock him gently, letting him ease into all the feelings he's suppressed.

"What you want for him and what you want for yourself aren't necessarily the same thing," I go on. "You want him to be happy, and if that includes letting him love another, you'll be the first to let him. But what about you?"

"I don't matter. If he's happy, I'm happy." I can tell by his tone that he utterly believes this.

"You can be happy and sad at the same time. It's odd, isn't it? Both emotions can stem from the exact same cause. You're the most selfless person I know, Shiroi. But it's alright to want sometimes."

"I… miss him," Shiroi mumbles against my shoulder. "It's odd, because he's right there, but I still feel like… like he's not, entirely."

I nod. "You want him to pay you more attention."

"I think I kind of understand how Sasuke feels. The possessiveness. I don't feel jealous when Takeshi's with someone else; I don't resent him or the other person, but it doesn't stop me wanting him to spend time with me as well. I just – don't know what to do, Naruto…" He pulls back far enough to look into my eyes. Almost inaudibly he breathes, "Help me?"

I have to smile. "How could I not? You've always been so strong. I don't know how you do it. You of all people deserve support."

As though in response to this, he buries his face in my shoulder once more. I hold him as long as he needs. Occasionally he breaks into tears again. It might be an hour before he finally seems to calm down, though he still doesn't make a move to let go.

"Sasuke always said communication is the key to a relationship," I say. "If you don't tell Takeshi how you're feeling, how will he ever know he's hurting you? Maybe playing around makes him happy, but I can guarantee if he knew it was hurting you he'd stop right away."

"Can you… be there, when I talk to him?" Shiroi asks. "At least for a bit."

"Of course."

Movement inside the house catches my eye. Through the glass door I see Takeshi sitting up, stretching and yawning. Then he pauses as he takes in the sight of Shiroi huddled in my arms on the porch. Shiroi's still got his face buried in my shoulder, so he doesn't see as Takeshi comes over and opens the door.

"What, have you fallen for Naruto too, Shir?" Takeshi asks easily. I sigh inwardly – how is it that Takeshi can take infidelity so casually? It's as though he thinks it's perfectly moral. He's completely fine with it himself, which isn't necessarily unusual. What's strange is that he isn't a hypocrite about it. He treats others as he would like to be treated, and lets other people do the kinds of things he himself does. What he doesn't realize is that not everyone is comfortable with the kind of freedom he believes in.

But when Shiroi, startled by Takeshi's sudden appearance, lifts his head, Takeshi's whole attitude changes completely. "S-Shir! You've been crying—? Why – what's wrong?"

Shiroi rubs his eyes, untangles himself from me, and takes a step towards Takeshi. Takeshi is already there, pulling Shiroi into his embrace, murmuring into his ear. Already I know things are going to be okay.

One way or another, the truth gets out. With my help, Shiroi manages to explain what he's feeling. Takeshi's completely derailed by this news.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he exclaims. "You've kept this to yourself, all this time? How long have you been enduring this for?"

Shiroi bites his lip. "As long as I can remember. Even before we were dating, I think, I…"

"Oh… Oh, Shir…" Takeshi hugs him tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Shiroi relaxes, reassured by Takeshi's emphatic reaction. "I only wanted you to be happy."

"Why don't you think about yourself once in a while?" asks Takeshi, with a small, helpless laugh. "You know, I don't think you've ever once asked me for anything."

"I don't need to. As long as I know you love me."

"I do," Takeshi whispers. "More than anything."

* * *

"Compersion" is said to be the opposite of jealousy, a feeling in which, instead of feeling envious that a loved one is with someone else, the person feels happy for them instead. I knew the moment I learned this word that it was for Shiroi. Compersion doesn't always have to be independent of jealousy – you can feel both at the same time. Shiroi doesn't feel jealousy, but he does feel loneliness.

It sounds sadistic, but I really enjoyed showing the weaker side of Shiroi. After all, the only reason angst is any good is because you get to see the characters overcome it and become stronger, or have someone else comfort them. Of course in some cases they don't overcome it at all, but that's just as interesting to see. This scene didn't twang my heartstrings nearly as much rereading as it did when I first wrote it, but then nothing ever really does. I literally have to put all my heart into a scene so that the readers can feel just a fraction of what I'm feeling. And I love it that way.

Next update is the last chapter! I'm going to ask you guys – do you want the update (and subsequently the departure of Two Face) next week, or do you want to hold it off until the week after? No matter when it updates it'll be bittersweet, but I've made a poll and the majority by next Friday will win. So head on over to my profile page to vote! I can see some people already have, haha.

R+F


	111. Bittersweet

Just to tell you now, no, this chapter isn't as long as it says it is – it's just that I've written an extremely lengthy end note.

It's not often I recommend combining music and reading, if only because I can't do it myself, but if you're going to listen to anything while reading this chapter, it's got to be "Boku wa kimi ni koi wo suru" by Hirai Ken. You can find the music video here: [ youtube. com/ watch? v= 152CspoTGIo ] and the lyrics here: [ jpopasia. com/ lyrics/ 33916/ ken-hirai/ boku-wa-kimi-ni-koi-wo-suru. html ] (remove spaces). This was my biggest inspiration for the most important scene in this chapter, and I think it fits in both words and tone.

This is it. Enjoy the last chapter.

* * *

Surprisingly, Sasuke's still in bed when I get back to our room – I'd have expected him to start worrying if he'd realized I'd been gone so long. He rolls over to face me when I close the door behind me, though.

"Naru?" he murmurs.

"Did I wake you? Sorry," I say, climbing into bed with him.

He snuggles into me. "Your shirt's wet."

"Shiroi needed someone to lean on." I pull my shirt off and toss it on the floor somewhere. Sasuke's hand ghosts down my torso as I settle in.

"Is he alright?" Sasuke asks.

"He'll be fine. He's got Takeshi."

"Takeshi can be insensitive."

I nod. "But only because he never knew how Shiroi was feeling. They've talked now."

"That's good. Do you think Takeshi will be alright in England? I mean, when he's with Shiroi it's one thing, but halfway around the world might be a different matter."

"I'll make sure they talk it over before we leave," I say. Then I sigh, pressing my lips against Sasuke's temple. "I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you."

"And I don't want you to leave me, but you know there are bigger things than us," Sasuke replies quietly. "Listen, Naruto. When you're in England… I don't want to hold you back. Don't think that just because we'll in a long-distance relationship, you can't…" He pauses and swallows. His heartbeat is fast next to my chest. "If you want to have sex with someone else—"

"What?" I tear myself away from him to stare into his eyes, but he's dead serious. "Sasuke, I could never—"

"If you want to, you can," he says. "I won't stop you. It's a long time, and—" he cracks a smirk at this point "—I know how horny you get."

"If anyone's a perv it's you!" I retort. "But… Sasuke…"

"You don't have to, of course. But if you want to, don't let me stop you. Just be safe, alright?"

"Y-yeah," I say finally. "But of course it goes for you as well. I can't be the only one getting any if you want to sleep with someone too."

"Alright," he replies. "If it makes you feel better."

"Of course it doesn't. I don't want you to be with anyone else," I murmur. "But if you're going to let me, and I end up doing it, I couldn't possibly withhold that from you."

There's a sad smile in Sasuke's eyes when he says, "You make it sound like you don't trust yourself not to sleep with someone else."

"That's not—" I begin, but I don't know what I can say. Of course I'll try my hardest to remain faithful, but that's hindered by the fact that Sasuke is giving me the freedom not to. Possessive, clingy Sasuke, telling me he's perfectly fine with me cheating on him. I bite my lip, but he leans in to kiss me, relaxing my entire body. When we part, I press my forehead to his. "I couldn't possibly sleep with anyone else."

"Not even if I say it's okay?"

"Especially if you say it's okay." I trace his collarbone with my fingers. "You're amazing, Sasuke."

"I've always been so possessive of you," he whispers. "I want to overcome that."

"That doesn't mean it's okay for me to cheat on you."

"It's not cheating if I let you."

"You don't want to let me," I murmur. "I know that deep down you don't want to let me. And I won't, I absolutely won't. We'll meet over the holidays, right? We'll get our fill of each other then, and that's all I'll need. I promise."

Sasuke's eyes become contemplative. "This… may depend on how Takeshi and Takeshi feel," he begins slowly, "but… if you absolutely have to be with someone while you're away—"

"—Sasuke, I already told you I wouldn't—"

His finger presses against my lips, bringing an unexpected flush to my cheeks. How long has it been since Sasuke has made me blush? And now, suddenly, such a simple gesture has the heat rushing to my face, my heart aflutter as though it's day one all over again.

"Listen to me, Naruto. If you're going to be with anyone while I'm gone, I'm thinking it should be Takeshi."

"What? But you—" I fall silent, because his expression hasn't changed one bit. He's looking at me as seriously as ever. I frown. "Why?"

"I'd rather you were with Takeshi than someone who could potentially hurt you. I trust Takeshi to look after you, and I know he loves you." His thumb brushes against my scars. "We'll talk it over with them in the morning. It doesn't have to happen, but if either of you is going to stray anywhere, it'd best be towards each other."

"I… I guess so. But does that mean you'd be with Shiroi in a situation like that?"

Sasuke considers this. "Who knows? I don't think Shiroi and I have the same kind of relationship you and Takeshi do."

"You and Shiroi have your work cut out for you," I sigh, "with boyfriends like me and Takeshi."

"It's worth it," he smiles. "It's worth every second."

—

It takes a while, the following morning, to make sure everyone understands all the implications of Sasuke's proposition. It's to be a last resort situation only – especially after my separation from Sasuke as well as Shiroi's breakdown last night, we're all in the mindset to be as faithful as possible – but, should heartache and homesickness take over, we agree we can all look to each other for solace. I've never trusted anyone more in my life than I trust these three. And I know that, one way or another, we'll all pull through any bad times.

Sasuke and I see Takeshi and Takeshi off after lunch, watching with smiles on our faces as they head down the street as close together as we've ever seen them. Shiroi's mood had perked right up by the time we gathered for breakfast; although his eyes were still a little red, he looked happier than ever. He and Takeshi both seemed quite tired, yawning and rubbing their eyes, and Sasuke and I know why – as we drifted off to sleep for the second time that night, we heard some… commotion… coming from the living room. Sasuke tried to get me in the mood, but I told him he could wait until they left and then we wouldn't have to worry about privacy. So now that the name twins are gone and we've tidied up, Sasuke pulls me into the bedroom and we don't leave the futon for hours.

We keep to ourselves for the rest of the summer. Besides the one final time everyone gets together at the sushi bar before Sui, Araragi-san, and Shikamaru head back to Kyoto for university at the start of September, Sasuke and I don't see anyone. Sai goes off to live with Araragi-san for a year, as he's taking the year off to improve his art before applying to courses. Gaara can't make it to the gathering, as he's attending his father's funeral, then has to get right back to work. Neji's left Konoha early. Kiba manages to get the night off from helping his family with the multitude of dogs they've got running around now. Everyone's got their own business and schedules to attend to, so it isn't too hard to keep to ourselves. The name twins understand, and they get their own alone time too.

I cherish what time I have left with Sasuke. It's nothing short of wonderful to be together again and we don't have nearly enough time, but we want to try our hardest not to become too clingy. It'll hurt enough as it is, when we part. We keep each other laughing and smiling and loving, never mentioning the ever-looming day when I'll have to climb on the train and disappear. But it doesn't matter – we both know it and feel it creep into our hearts, and there's little more than desperate sorrow when we get ready to go to bed together for the last time.

Sasuke's sitting up on the futon when I finish brushing my teeth, his back to the door. I quietly close the door behind me kneel on the futon behind him. I don't need any physical signals to tell me how he's feeling. I touch his shoulder, feeling his soft, soft skin under my fingertips. I can feel the miniscule tremors in his body, and when he turns to me there are silent tears pouring down his face.

There are no words to be said. He just reaches out to me and pulls me in and kisses me deeply, gently, coaxing my own tears from my heart. I do my best to savour his taste, feel the way his lips move against mine. I lean back and pull him down with me, and my body racks with sobs as he holds me close. For the last time we consummate our love, fitting together perfectly, moving together, crying together, loving together. We hold out as long as we can, desperately wishing never to part, never to fall asleep, never to see the sun rise, but exhaustion pulls us under and before we know it the alarm's ringing and we're getting up again, dreading, dreading.

Our taxi arrives, and as we drive away I watch the town go by. It's too early for many people to be out, and everything is bathed in a pre-dawn glow, giving the feeling that it's just about to burst into life. We leave Sasuke's house behind. We pass subway entrances, the market, the school, the Stoneheads, the arcade, the place where Sasuke and I played laser tag. I see it all and think, I won't be looking at this again for another year at least.

"Don't worry," Sasuke says quietly. "You'll be far too excited in England to miss home. And it's not like it'll be the last time you ever see this."

I nod, but I'm still starting to feel lonely. Home. This is my home. Not just Sasuke, not just his house, not just the school – but the whole town. The market, where we bought our necklaces and I got the sculpture for Sasuke. Downtown, where we used to watch movies and eat sushi on Thursdays. All the roads and bus stops and subway stations, the veins that connect my experiences. Konoha is my home.

"_Kit?"_

Kyuubi's voice startles me. I haven't heard from him since I got back with Sasuke. This isn't surprising, considering we were practically glued at the hip. It's only in this brief lapse of my fixation on Sasuke to contemplate missing my home that the demon fox is able to find a gap to contact me.

"_I know you can't reply to me right now, but I know you're listening. I just – how do I say this?"_ He sounds frustrated for a moment, searching for the words. I think I already know what he's going to tell me. _"Oh, fuck it. Look. I'm glad you're back to being with the Uchiha. The peace of mind you've had for the past few weeks has been a real breather for me down here. And I know I'm gonna get a shitload of torture in a couple of minutes when you guys say goodbye, but… you're better for it. You've grown a lot, y'know. Maybe soon I'll have to stop calling you kit."_ He chuckles._ "Just kidding. You'll always be my kit."_

I can't help but smile. Sasuke notices this and squeezes my hand, and I squeeze back. Kyuubi rolls his eyes and slinks back into the darkness, but I can sense the perky angle of his ears.

We meet Takeshi and Takeshi at the train station. They're as cheerful as ever. They try to console me and Sasuke and cheer us up, but I think that it just makes us feel worse – we're doing it again, becoming too clingy, but there's nothing we can do. I want to hold onto this as long as possible. So I just shake my head, and the name twins stay quiet after that. In the few minutes before we're due to leave, Sasuke leads me to a quiet corner of the train station.

"You know I'll miss you more than anything," he whispers, his thumb rubbing the middle of my palm.

"Of course," I reply, feeling my body begin to tremble, my heart fluttering like a hummingbird. "I'll miss you too."

There's an announcement over the loudspeaker as the train pulls in. Over Sasuke's shoulder I see Takeshi waving at us. I pull Sasuke into a tight hug. For the last time.

"I'll miss you," I whisper.

"I'm sorry," he says. "For everything. And I want to thank you for everything as well."

"I should be the one thanking you. You've given me more than I could ever hope for—"

"Naruto!" Takeshi calls.

"You should go," Sasuke murmurs, but his grip on me doesn't loosen.

"I don't want to."

He presses his lips to mine. For the last time, I feel his soft lips, the warmth of his body, the touch of his hands, the silky feel of his hair, all the curves and angles I've come to know. I feel wetness on my cheeks, and I know the tears aren't mine alone.

"Don't cry," he breathes. "Don't cry."

"H-hypocrite," I stutter, brushing my thumb under his eye, uselessly wiping away tears. "Sasuke…"

"I love you, Naruto, " he says. "Don't ever forget that. No matter what, I'll always love you."

"I love you too," I reply, though I can barely get the words out because my body's shaking so much. But I know he can understand me. "I love you, Sasuke, I love you…"

"Naruto, the train's gonna go!"

Sasuke presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. "Goodbye," he whispers.

Like I'm ripping my heart out, I tear myself away from Sasuke. Takeshi and Shiroi have already brought the luggage into the train. I hop on after Takeshi and the door closes behind me, then I turn around and press my nose to the window. I can't see Sasuke's face anymore because there are too many tears. But I can see him smiling at me, waving, crying. I run through the compartment as the train begins to move, pulling away from the station, but soon enough we're around the bend – and then he's gone.

The tears don't stop. I follow Takeshi obediently, wishing I could be numb, because my heart's exploding with pain. Takeshi finds our seats and lifts his luggage up to the rack. I'm about to follow suit when I realize the front pocket of my suitcase is unzipped, and there's a corner of an envelope sticking out of it. I pull it out. All it says on the front is _To Naruto_. After I store my luggage and sit down, I open the envelope and pull out the letter within.

It's folded exactly in three, and there's a little sticker of a sun on the back.

* * *

_The End_

* * *

It's taken two and a half years, 600 pages, 111 chapters, 336 000 words, an infinite range of emotions and a ton of improvement in my writing skills to come to this point. I know I've done the whole thank-you speech quite a few times, but Two Face would never be what it is without so many amazing people. First of all, my betas and friends for all their help. Naturally, Masashi Kishimoto deserves a round of applause too. I also need to thank all the fanfiction writers out there who have inspired my versions of Naruto, Sasuke, and other canon characters, because although I couldn't tell you the authors' usernames nor, in many cases, the title of the work they wrote, I have undoubtedly and perhaps in some cases erroneously picked up traits that I always use when I write them. Style of prose is something I always pay close attention to, and when I find a writer with an amazing sense of poetic prose it's impossible for me not to emulate them, so a shout-out to them too. I've probably also been influenced by published authors as well, but not in such obvious ways. All in all, how can I even say Two Face is mine?

And, of course, enormous thanks to all my readers for your incredible support, and for taking the time and effort to give this story over two thousand reviews. When a chapter is newly-written and fresh in my mind, I update it expecting everyone to notice every little detail I've put in. Of course, no one does, and in a way that's kind of disappointing. But it's only through taking a step back and re-reading after some time that I start to realize the details are what makes the whole so rich. In the process of writing I truly can't see the forest for the trees.

Many of you have asked me questions, given me inspiration, and even challenged my ideas. It's impossible to get this much feedback without a couple of negative comments, but I've probably only received enough negative reviews to count on my fingers, including three absolutely blazing flames. Can't say the first one didn't hurt (the other two definitely didn't), but it was impossible to take it seriously because all it did was call me unpleasant names and make false accusations, and they're only specks compared to all the feedback I've gotten for Two Face. Either way, my drive to write won't falter from something like audience dissatisfaction – more than anything, writing is my own personal, selfish joy.

The experience – the journey – of writing Two Face has been nothing short of incredible. I've learned so much, about life, about love, about writing. I've improved more than I think I have. Because my prose and vocabulary style is what's most apparent to me, I've neglected to notice that my storytelling skills have gotten quite a bit better. At least now I have a better sense of what's realistic, but I think that partly comes with growing up too.

Two Face is very much a child of mine. There's no denying that I've conceived, grown and nurtured, taught, played with, fought with, spent an illogical amount of time with, and loved it unconditionally despite its abundant flaws. It's time to let it go, and I've already developed empty nest syndrome. This story has been with me for so long that it's become a part of my life, and not having it anymore means my life has changed. Without Two Face, I have no lengthy, constant writing project I can fall to whenever I feel the urge to write. I'm working on and off with several stories both short and long, both fan and original, but none of them really grabs me like Two Face.

Many people have asked about a sequel. The truth is that I don't know whether or not a sequel will happen. I already know how the characters' futures will go – I've developed this extensively and have even written a summary for a good deal of it – but if I do decide to write a sequel, it won't be for a while yet. For one thing, I want to give myself time to step away from Two Face and see if it really is worth it. For another, I'm thinking of writing an original story based on Two Face, and if that happens the sequel will definitely also be original. But I can't decide any of this now. We'll see how it goes.

This isn't to say I'm going to stop writing fanfiction altogether. I want to focus more on original stories, but I also want to write more canon-based fics, and I can't deny the odd PWP that strikes my fancy. To be honest, I'm getting tired of writing lemons – there's only so much you can do once you've got "Pole A in Slot B." I'd much rather focus on the meaning of sex within the context of the plot, rather than writing a purely gratuitous scene. So it's likely that the production of PWPs will slow down too. But I'm kind of having fun exploring all the clichés of smut, so we're not quite done yet!

If I ever do finish an original work, I might post a link in my author profile to a place online where you can read it. Now that my steady writing project is over, the future of my writing is uncertain. It'll take me a while to find something that will replace Two Face, I'm sure of that. But I'll keep working at it, and who knows? Maybe one day I'll find my name on a published novel.

Because I will no longer be consistently posting new chapters or stories, please look to my profile page for news about upcoming fanfictions. I'll try to update it more or less regularly, but chances are I'll forget. In the meantime, perhaps you'll consider pestering me on my forum? Haha. I'm also looking for betas for some canon-based fanfictions I'm working on now, as well as possibly the original fiction I'm brainstorming. See my forum for details.

But anyway. Once again, thank you so, _so_ much for sticking with me all this time. It's time to say goodbye to Two Face. We can always come back and read it, of course. I may slowly fall away from that as I find more and more flaws, but perhaps at the same time it'll spur me onward to improve my writing even more.

Until next time,

The Raven and the Fox


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